Went to aerobics tonight – was great – very tiring, but great. 2 times a week, I’ll go; get fit & stay on this diet. Am tired now. Is about 8:50. Cooler tonight although the expected minimum is 23º; same as last night – the days are still rather hot. Rained a bit tonight – hope it does, more. Riding tomorrow. Periods, I think, will finish quickly – hope so!! Um…big lunch was good. Didn’t talk to Mark today . . but all (practically) lunchtime he was there. Fi, Monique & I sitting near their end [as in most schools, the are ‘territories’ akin to ‘unwritten codes’. Year 11’s in general occupied an undercover space that spanned the length of one of the classroom blocks above which was the library. The ‘popular guys’ sat at the very northern end, the ‘popular girls’ immediately next to (the south of) them. We usually sat in that general region, but at this particular point in time, it sounds as if we were sitting a little further north, closer to the boys.]; watching & laughing at the antics of Steven, Mark, Keith, Cameron & Chris (not David, tho’) they’re so funny – Cameron’s bag in the tree – Keith breaking the branches, Steven wearing Cameron’s sunnies, Steven’s badminton raquet broken, Mark’s shuttlecock … it was all so funny – wondered if Mark really does like me. Feel good! Had little dinner (had some pineapple passionfruit pie today Monique made me!!! [shift the blame, Elissa!] Not much
I really don’t know what to think. I really like him. I really wish he liked me a lot. Oh, I can’t tell. It’s not fair. [Uhuh. Life’s not.] I rode. Yes, I am sore [from aerobics]. Mostly the upper arm and shoulder area. I am also rather tired. Very. I think, if I’m not riding again tomorrow, I ‘ll get mum to drop me to school, late. Otherwise I sit there, glancing, waiting for mark to show. I don’t want to do that. [The best thing about this is I know it wasn’t due to self consciousness – being concerned that people might notice me looking out for him. It was more about not wanting to be a slave to my feelings, if that makes any sense? Basically, I think it’s a sign of my deep-seated, as yet undiscovered Independence – or as some may read it, fear of commitment?] What’ll I do? Hot again, today. Homework is so hard- gonna start study this weekend with Monique (wanna go out, too, tho’!) Why? Just to see Mark? (Yeah, I s’pose you’re right. . .I’ve got to control it) Yep! Get it outa your system – think negative – HE HATES YOU. Great!!! Some gorgeous hunk needs to fall head over heels in love with you … and you with him. Diet? Well, I still dunno how much I’ve lost. But will keep it up- I like it!! Is 9:20 Must go to sleep. Bags under my eyes. So much work to do.
About 9:00 now. Went to aerobics this arvy, even though Monique didn’t. Found it a bit easier – quite a bit easier today – still sweating heaps tho!! [The perfect example of something I try to communicate to people who don’t exercise: training is actually easier than you think. The first session will always be the hardest, but it’s downhill from there … unless you’re ‘not doing it right’.] Bio test – blech! I don’t think I done well!! [I think the double exclamation marks here illustrate the fact that I was deliberately using poor grammar] (Mark didn’t even know it was on (or so he said to Chris)) I laughed at him. When I asked greg for paper, Mark’d say – “no, don’t give her any”…etc & do the forks!! I really must try to forget him – get interested in some others. Unrequitted love – like Steven. [privacy omission here] (That makes me wonder…) […about? Oh, whether he hates ME. Again. For the hundredth time.] still haven’t started my final assignment. GET MOVING Lissa. Not losing weight – must exercise more huh?! [Not necessarily, dear. I didn’t know back then that muscle weighs more than fat.] Riding tomorrow. Is rather hot (very) Got some rain today & tonight. I must think I’m ‘FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE [with regard to You Know Who…] Night!! Mum dropped me to school today – Lazy!
Did not find out my biology mark. Did very little in art, blundered on blindly & hopelessly in maths & chem. Did not do any HW. My english assignment due before 3:15pm tomorrow. When will I do it? God, I’m a dickhead! Monique dropped all her stuff; doona, pillow, clothes, food, HW etc off this arvy. Also, during bio while video was on, I saw Mark write a note to Duane & then, getting it back, scribbled it out with a black nikko pen. I was very curious (He’d been out of school grounds before school, during double tutorial, little lunch & big lunch) so, after art period 7, raced back & got the note. [You nosy little….!? I can’t believe I behaved so ‘creepily’!] A bit skint – he was downstairs when I came down. Talking (Fi, Sharon, me & mima) to him, Cameron, Steven & Terry before bus came. Finally on bus mima deciphered it throughout the nikko… “I HAVE (then scribbled out) …[omitting the message for privacy reasons].” Naughty Boy!! Is 9:50. Mum dropped me to school again this morning!!
Oh woe! I am tired. Talked a (very) little this arvy – but mostly to Cameron. Boring day. Got english done & handed in at
big end of big lunch. Monique got 2 done … wrote 3 paragraphs for the last one, UMAH!! Mum drove me to school again. Is about 10:40, must get to sleep soon – want to do all work tomorrow and go out tomorrow night & to the Beach on Sunday. Real ragey!! [I wonder when I stopped using that word? I hope it’s soon, it makes me cringe as much as the perpetual thoughts & whining about Mark.] Wanna sleep soon Mum & Geoff are home now. I really want to sleep. Study tomorrow – HW outta the way. I am tired. Now it’s 11:05…. Monique keeps talking so it’s taken me ages to write this. dunno what to write (busted my diet tonight – hot dog, dip, chips, lollipop – she-it!) Hope Mark’s at House on the Hill [nightclub] tomorrow night!
So much for all the HW and study we were going to get done today! Monique sat in the back yard – I did little chemistry, she shaved her legs [I have such a clear memory of this. One of the defining memories I have of her; sitting in the sun with a bucket of soapy water & the razor], I did no maths, we had a water fight & washed our hair under the hose. Got a little burnt too; fi called a few times. About 8:00, mum took her, monique & me to monique’s then dropped us at the video shop. [I wonder what my mum ‘knew’? I can’t imagine that she would have allowed us to go out. My guess is that we fed her a lie about watching videos at Monique’s…because we didn’t own a video player ourselves.] We walked back. Monique had a shower – we all decided what to wear. What could I wear? I eventually gave up and just watched the video. Monique & Fi were ready – make-up, hair etc. Finally Fiona dressed me. We got a taxi there around 12:00 Waited for ages in the carpark till we finally walked up… rejection! I couldn’t believe it. We walked away And sat on the steps… wishing the guy’s’d come out…guess what? Chris K & Glynn came out!!! Unreal!! After about ¾hr, we attempted again… a synch!! signed […and turned the page over to Sunday, to continue….]
the book [the statutory declaration ‘book’ in which you declared you were 18 years of age or over. Yes, it is laughable. But that’s how ‘easy’ we had it in those days 😉 ] and went in. Monique & Glynn came in when Chris’d gotten someone for fiona – david d!! Everyone was in Smithy’s [a quieter bar inside the nightclub] Mark, Steven, Cameron, Keith, Ben, Brett Hinds…. So many guys. Saw Sharon, being a bit of a snob. Sat down at the table. Monique, me, Fiona, Steven, Mark, Cameron, Chris, glynn, brett & ???Keith(??) Anyway I thought Mark liked Fiona – talked to her a lot … went outside – bought a jug of beer. We eventually followed … there ended up (mainly) me, fi, moni, mark, Cameron & brett. We had a drink & danced & sat. Was good, but I was really depressed to begin with…I really think he likes Fi. I was sad. Almost started crying when my song “True Blue” came on. [A perfect example of the depressive power of alcohol…] He was dancing with Sharon then (sort of similar to how we danced last time) He danced with me tho’ when Cam. went – we ended up only ones (from our group) on the floor!! But it was a stupid song. We sat… talked little – gave me a flower – I was collecting the ones cameron was throwing away. Finally, we caught a taxi. got home, monique & I, and mum & jules were up. [Okay, so… was mum shitty? I don’t understand. Maybe she DID know we were going out? If that’s the case – my mum ROCKED!!] Went to sleep. Got 4 hrs. did nothing, really Slept a lot. Cherie & Amanda came over. We didn’t go to the beach! Is about 8:40. Take 40 Australia. RELAX!!!!! sleep