cross country run – A Life in Words

Monday 6/4/87

I’m a glutton for punishment; it’s 10:45 – another late night & worse still; I did absolutely no HW again today & I have a frigging maths exam tomorrow. Can you believe it? I’m a total dickhead! [No, just a brilliant procrastinator] (Read my ’86 diary tonight getting frustrated like finding out things like – me knowing Monique 8 months ..hanging round her for ≈5 months & only 4 months of true [best] friendship. It isn’t fair… why her? Why this year? [The ultimate, unanswerable questions…] Good day with Mark. Fiona & Jemima are closer now. And I’m left out in the open I think Jemima doesn’t like me too much – wants to be my “best friend too” (that letter) [During my first week back at school, she gave me a letter about Monique. I didn’t actually say much about it in my diary entry other than “I cried” so I won’t include a link back to it. It was on Wednesday 18 March if you’re really keen to take a look…] HUH! What laugh – they do everything together & leave me out. . I don’t mind tho’ I spent the whole day with Mark & hopefully will do the for the rest of the year (see, they both went home at little lunch) who needs friends? I need Monique. She was the best MONIQUE FOREVER. Mark loves me (I mean [privacy omission] – this song by Cameo – he thinks is perfect for me “Candy” – so that’s my name now!” [Suffice to say this became one of my favourite songs. I still like it, but OMG the video… quintessential 80’s… ugh, those outfits!]

Tuesday 7/4/87

Mark told me (on the phone tonight) for the 2nd time ever “I love you” – I’ve said it countless (!!) [What, it’s a competition?] Nah, about 4 I think, or 5. […but still keeping count…] Today started off shaky .. barely talked to him before school & during bio (little lunch was O.K!!) & most of big lunch it was “wierd” – picking on me (I think!) I rang him & we talked about little in particular …oh, I love him so much. Friday night is Glyn’s party, now .. mima & I are goin’ to do something (as both our boyfriends are going to the “stag” party (!!)) (Lord knows what!) […talk about fickle friendships!] Anyway he’ll be at that & on Saturday night he’s working & Sunday leaving from Bramston Beach till Thursday. (I’m not going to school tomorrow – cross country) BOO HOO! I won’t get to spend any time with him! Aaargh – I’ll die [uh huh] Maths exam – big laugh (not really- I couldn’t do anything practically) Bio & english yesterday 56/80 and 6½/10 respectively→ so surprising! I was sure I’d fail (First “fine” day in days today! Still cool tho’.) Love you mark. started writing back to Tania today

Wednesday 8/4/87

What a wasted day- I stayed home from the cross country to “do chemistry study” (I wrote to Tania & Lucy, sunbaked – got burnt & listened to music. WASTED DAY) Julia deliberately missed the bus, after mum left, Mr H came over around 2:30 & put up the pelments [read: pelmets – the framework above windows, used to conceal curtaining fixtures] – the ones in my room (& Julia’s) are too big – for our long louvres. (Yukky) When mum came home, I WENT FOR A DRIVE!!! Was so much fun! Unreal! (Tho I almost drove into Sandra’s car!!) [I vividly recall this: hitting the wrong pedal and speeding up suddenly toward our neighbour’s car as I was meant to be turning into our driveway. Luckily I found the brake in time. What a rush.] my problem is getting co-ordinated – the pedals & gears. Steering’s easiest (tho’ not easy – understand?) [Ok, this I need to explain: the ‘power steering’ that is now standard in all vehicles didn’t feature in the 1979 Toyota Corolla in which I was learning to drive. Those of you who were ‘lucky’ enough to experience driving vehicles without this smooth steering mechanism, will understand why I thought steering wasn’t quite the easiest thing to do. Without this creature comfort, kids, you literally had to wrench the steering wheel to make sharp turns. Upper body strength required!] Oh I’m tired .. man we have bad luck – hot water system broke down & we have a rat (or a very big mouse) in the house. I’m busting to go to the loo. It was a ‘nice’ phone call tonight – he was being more “understanding’ I think. A tease, yes, but being “gentler”. Hottish day! (only in the sun, that is) wonder how the cross-country run went? I’ll fail chem tomorrow. Haven’t studied at all. I AM STUPID. No- I’ve just lost interest in school – I just don’t care anymore. [Good correction there, Liss]

Thursday 9/4/87

The doctor wasn’t as overly excited about the progress of my leg as I thought he would be. [It’s funny how the attitude of a ‘professional’ (a superior, an elder) can affect you. There’s no doubt I’d’ve left that appointment somewhat deflated.] I missed biology & didn’t talk very much at all to Mark in maths. Chemistry exam I failed ..I really have lost all interest in school. At big lunch, Mark & I were more affectionate than ever – we both talked a fair bit (seriously) about life. He feels much the same as me . . nothing excites him anymore – wants a big change to happen so he can get on with life – the crash & its effects haunt him, too… feels, like me, that the crash spoilt possibly the best year of our lives ..definitely I agree. [So, I have to wonder… how many others felt exactly the same?] I also talked about my lack of friends – that’s also bothering me a lot. He seems more understanding lately. & gentle. I love that. Boring day- didn’t see jemima or Fiona after chem..probly left together again – I know they went late night shopping together – tried to ring them. Mark also went with Keith. I couldn’t get his chain [for his up-coming birthday] today, damn. Practised gears & clutch in the (stationary) car this arvy. FUN. Haven’t done english assignment -am not going to go to school tomorrow (Am so tired) Mark won’t be there – is going to the beach with Steven. Who knows about mima & fi they wouldn’t take me anywhere anyway [I’d always perceived I’d been more bitter about their exclusive friendship when I was younger, but I’m sensing some intensity here…]

Friday 10/4/87

Boring day, indeed. I didn’t do my english assignment. After Mr. H came to fix the pelments, we left for town. I finally chose a silver-plated fob chain ($31), but now I think it’ll be a bit too short for his thick neck. [Masculine thickness, of course …not fat!] Oh well. [I know it doesn’t sound much, but $31 was a fair bit to spend back in those days…especially considering we weren’t financially ‘comfortable’. Forgive my ignorance, but I have no idea how that would compare price-wise to silver plated jewellery today; does anyone even buy silver-plated stuff anymore?] That’s another thing . . I’m missing him already. Am planning (if he doesn’t ring me first) to ring him & provided he’s not “dead” from tonight’s “party” at Cameron’s, will see if he’d like to do something. I so badly want to see him before he goes. We saw Nana today – feel so sorry for her – I hope she dies soon & I don’t mean that cruelly. I want her to be with God; feeling no pain. [She suffered brutally with rheumatoid arthritis. I wasn’t aware if there were any other underlying health issues contributing to her ill-health – Cancer was definitely never mentioned – but she had been a long term smoker.] Hottish weather. Is rainy (finally!) again tonight. Beka came over this arvy . . talked for yonks- I haven’t got her anything – her birthday tomorrow & I forgot completely. (till this arvy!) Mark, I miss you already. The mice or rats are getting in still: running along the beams on the roof. SHIT I hate them. Think I have another ringworm starting – back of right leg – near my scarring. Oh no. Wanna get brown these holidays- tan around my scars etc. 8:45 early night * * But I’m waking at 11:30pm to listen to the 4CCR Party Nite music

Saturday 11/4/87

Woke rather early.. boring-ish day ..I watched TV, covered my books & watered the plants. I ate heaps too. Went for another drive today! Much better than the last time. . but still not quite perfect. Lucy rang after I rang Mark … had a longish talk to her Hope to see her Mon &/or Tuesday. Listened to approx. 1¾hrs of the 4CCR Party thing – stupid (didn’t know any of the music last night. Watched Countdown [yeah, that commercial stuff was more ‘me’!] after Lucy rang, then quickly got ready to go to Mark’s. A little late – everybody gone [?] & pizza man just delivered dinner- when I arrived. We watched TV mucking round- tickling mostly a few little kisses. After the TV movie, though, we got ‘down’ to business [Nope, still not what you think…]. . then mum came (dammit!) He said he’d ring & perhaps write (which means yes) Sandra was there quickly, earlier – I showed her & her (2) friends my leg- yukkypoo! Mum’s complaining about a smell (I can’t smell it) But thinks it’s the rat – no more scuffling noises. My blinds are up now. WOW! It’s 12:10.. gonna listen to 4CCR [Um, why? You’ve just said you didn’t enjoy it on the previous night… oh how much more beneficial sleep would be for you!] -in love with M.

Sunday 12/4/87

4CCR was better this week, [touché] but I had to turn off- I was so tired. Woke just after (or before?) 8:00 did nothing – the stench of the rat is strong now. Yuck. Danced to music before going to airport . . [to collect our cousins] Jodie, Michael & Auntie Hilary unpacked- Nana came over. A waste of an afternoon – they bought us [Royal Easter Show] show bags [from Sydney – their home] (I’ve eaten heaps already!) I ate & just lazed around. . . Boring! (Thought about Mark lots … his kisses last night were so beautiful – tender, romantic. Yummy. I love him, I’m sure.) Beka rang – I’m going to town with her & Lucy tomorrow- Jodie, Mike & Jules can come, but they don’t have to if they don’t want to. Oh, Mark I can’t stop thinking about you. Late-ish night – it’s 9:40. Gotta catch 9:00 train. (Big mess cleaning up Nana’s clothes this arvy – they found the rat full of maggots. Yuk. [Now this is confusing. My recollection of finding the dead rat was that it was wedged (of all places) between a ceiling beam and the roof insulation in a corner of MY bedroom. Perhaps this was a different dead rat scenario, one that obliterated my memory of this vom-fest in my grandmother’s clothes? Oh and just to clarify, I expect that we are talking about a garbage bag of my Nana’s stored/unused clothing rather than that which she happened to be currently wearing.] Windy cool & sometimes overcast today. J & M are hot at the moment. Can you believe ….?? [They hail from a place 2,500klms south of the tropics Liss… yes, I can.] Feel like a full, fat pig!

Monday 7/4/86

Very boring, actually. I was glad to be back at school, but tried to stay out of YKW’s way cos I hated my hair. Most people did notice. Some really liked it but by far the majority thought it was just “nice”. [Tell tale sign that they actually didn’t care, Liss!] I told everyone I didn’t like it. And that’s the truth. [I still do this, and I really don’t see it as being self-deprecating. I honestly just tell the truth.] Fiona told me today that ugly “tough” black guy with big lips and nose & crucifix earring likes me. Lynette C told her. I always score the YUKKY ones I wish Mark liked me. Oh, how I wish. I also wish my hair’d grow back fast. No poops at school→ got the pains but withheld and, surprise, surprise, the one I did tonight was about 90% normal! [Surprise, surprise! Oh dear] 9:34. Didn’t do any HW naughty. mima & fi weren’t on the bus → they went with Mr G. Also went different ways after school

[And at the back of the diary in ‘Notes’ section, I’d written:] Yeah man! It’s the 7th – I’m back at school in 2nd term. My first week of this month was shithouse. I was sick and depressed (about mainly my flop of a hairstyle. N’ever mind…..)

Tuesday 8/4/8

Cross Country run. Didn’t even get a place. [Seriously? Reading this I was surprised that I’d even written it. Did I really think it was a remote possibility? I wasn’t a runner, I barely exercised on a regular basis. That is strange …and funny.] Heather, Justine, Mima, Fi, Joannah & Megan & I ran sort of together. Actually we walked most of it. I’ve got aches in my legs now – not like from doing the exercise → like growing pains. At the end Mima, Fiona & Joannah, Melissa [uh, Melissa? Who’s that? I think I meant Megan] ran ahead. But we (J,H [Justine, Heather] & me) beat them cos although we walked, we jumped the fence instead of going all the way round. Did no HW again. Bad, huh? I’ve got to do some Esp. chemistry tomorrow night – exam on Thursday. “mmmm…looks good to me” is my new thing about Mark “mmm” is mark. [Oh really? I’d NEVER have guessed…] Another late night. Yes! 9:45. My watch band broke on the run. Gonna hafta get it fixed proply

Wednesday 9/4/86

Got 43½/50 for my Biology & 8/15 for Chemistry. Worse still, it’s 10:50 and I have barely looked at my chemistry work for my exam tomorrow. I got only 4 more flowers (all the others they were all out of) & a lot of speech homework. And my art isn’t finished. I’m in a real fix. I’ll hafta wake early. My watch is fixed. I forgot to clean my teeth this morning & put deodourant on. Not a good start, huh?! Now my feet; I think I have damaged from the cross country in sandshoes…There’s a big hard lump in the bottom of my left heel. I don’t feel good at all. I got my fringe straight today → blow-dry technique. Geez. I really feel down sometimes

Thursday 10/4/86

I did fail chemistry, I’m sure. I knew almost nothing. Heather & Brent & I (don’t tell anyone) cheated a little – compared answers. I think I’ll have to start a home study timetable or I’ll fail chemistry and maths. Biology and english are basically simple compared to those. [I am definitely a ‘words’ not ‘numbers’ person (which is why I’m amazed that I ever thought of accountancy as a career prospect) and as it turn out, biology has come to figure prominently in my fitness career] It’s 10:20 Another late night. Watched TV, started my journal for art (when I realised I’d left the script [?] at school so I couldn’t do it anyway) then did (or started) what I hope to be my 6-adjective piece. Didn’t get to see Halley’s Comet again. Haven’t seen it yet. That’s appalling. It’ll be out of sight soon too. Trust the weather to be bad when it’s visible. [This was the only opportunity I would have to see Halley’s Comet in my lifetime…unless I reach the age of 90 with perfect vision (and, uh, that’s already an impossibility) Since it returns to our solar system every 75-76 years, it’s not expected again until mid 2061. Bummer, dude.] Ate a lot when I got home from school. Always do. It’s a shame. I eat little except when I get home. I could be losing weight. Wish I didn’t pig out at hm. Mark was away today. (So was Angela M) You don’t think…? Nah. Impossible! (??)

Friday 11/4/86

11:20. How time flies. Only an hour ago, it was 9:00, I could’ve sworn! My throat is slowly killing me (well, not quite) I am worried about what I will do after Yr 12. I’m so insecure. [No idea, which I wasn’t to know, is the same for many…] Geoff advised me to get a job and found a career before dabbling in art, cos’ the competition in that arena these days is so high. But I want also to go where most of my friends go (not “James Cook” Uni – yuk – townsville [JCU was a new tertiary education institution then and was founded in Townsville, Cairns’ rival city] I hate thinking about it. I’m terrified. I might be getting a cold I think Hope not. Bludge in double english – Mr Grossetti was away. Did bio assignment & decorated my diary. Wondering if Mark really does like me or if it’s his way of flirting. Hope he does He was away again. And I’ve had a sore throat all day – it’s been a bad day

Saturday 12/4/86

$28.20. (I let dad keep the 20c!!) I did $12.20 worth of drums – big and little. And 4½hrs work (sales tax.) It could have been 7½hrs, but my foolishness cut it back. You see, when I started at 11:30, I went the wrong way doing the tax so I’d just repeated what was already done. This was at 2:45, I realised. Dad said he wasn’t going to pay for my mistake [hard task-master], so I started again – correctly this time and worked till 7pm. My itches also became worse today (ever since Wed, I’ve been getting really itchy all over, but only for a short time in the mornings) Today I came up in lumps And was totally red from scratching. Now I have blood blisters from it. Yuk [I get itches these days too but it’s definitely not the same as this. ‘Neural Dermatitis’ doesn’t produce lumps, rashes or any other kind of skin affliction.] 11:00 LATE AGAIN. Wonder if Mark is at Anne Maries Birthday party. Wonder… I like him. [You don’t say?]

Sunday 13/4/86

AUNTIE HILARY’S HERE!! She came at 11:30. I did my art today. Wanted to get english, bio & maths done too but didn’t have time. I read over some of my diary (the parts that I was at school) [True procrastination – no time to do all my homework but time enough to read my diary…] Esp. about Mark. Gee, I was so confused then (not saying I’m not now) One day I’d be sure (?) he liked me, the next he wasn’t interested. Its all the same, tho, huh? Always like that. Jodie gave us a present – a cute exercise book & pen. Cold is just nasal now i.e.: no sore throat just blocked & runny nose. Nose is sore. Is 8:56 Early-ish nite for once. School is tops except for the work. (!!!)

Tag: cross country run

Friendship Feelings, A Debut Drive & A Rotting Rodent (6-12 April)

Cross Country, Halley’s Comet & Sales Tax (7-13 April)