Eisteddfod – A Life in Words

Monday 29/6/87

Boring!! We got into Gerni around 8:45 [I ascertained – from a vague recollection – that this was my mum’s cousin’s business and it seems that he had employed me for the day to simply care-take the office in his absence. I actually don’t recall this at all.] Some of the phone calls I thought I handled pathetically, but some were O.K. There weren’t too many really. A few visitors (customers in person) came in & I think I handled them O.K. But the whole day I read magazines, then did a (very little) bit on my crash scrapbook. My lips are so dry – cracking & peeling – all that kissing + a day in the sun yesterday did no good. Cynthia [mum’s cousin’s wife] came around 5:00 (ungh!)←(grunt!) […and to be clear, that ‘grunt’ was not for Cynthia but related to the time she arrived. I can imagine I’d’ve preferred a shorter working day…] But I was paid $50 [that’s certainly big bucks compared to the income I earned working (much harder) for my dad.] (Gave Julia $10 for sitting with me all day tho’.) At home I watched TV, I think. Well, did nothing in particular anyway. I’m watching the movie EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. Rang Mark at 8:30, but was at Cameron’s. That’s O.K. I really need to have a talk to him- especially about trust (him kissing Nicole. “was only one meaningless kiss”. So what? I’m sure he’d dislike me kissing a guy for no reason) I’m so tired !!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday 30/6/87

Apart from a quick break (visit to Richardson’s to get fabric for my doona cover) I spent the whole day cutting out pictures of my dolly mags. (listening to music & watching T.V.) Mark rang me this arvy (believe it?) and we had a really great phonecall! One of the best since! (Since?) Since the crash, I guess. He spent monday (can’t remember) but spent monday night at Chris’s … the “competition”. He won! But he was very sick. Said he’s not going to drink during the whole of July! WOW! Mima rang me around 6:30 and asked me to the Eistedfod. I went & found out we were watching Nicole & Seigi. Great. Nicole! Brent skint her (& me) up [embarrassed, that is…] after in the carpark – said what have you got your collar turned up for Lissa?” (Referring to my hickie!!) [Who’s to say she was embarrassed, Liss? I had made an assumption based on …another assumption: that she cared.] I stayed at mima’s we watched a vid. before crashing SKINT NICOLE. BITCH [oh, the nastiness borne of insecurity…] tired!

Wednesday 1/7/87

Fair amount of sleep. We rode to the beach today – plenty of wind resistance got there about 12:00 (after a stop at Smithfield Shopping Centre) sunbaked – + [there’s a word I couldn’t decipher here, but I think it’s “also”] dips in the water -not much to eat. sunbaked mostly .. barely anyone we knew, that we saw (Peter McM. was there & Mark & Keith were too, he told me) Got scars burnt! Stopped at Smithfield again on way home (Big semi [freight truck] passed us as we crossed Kamerunga bridge- police escort told us to stick right to the edge – I sure did!) Mima got stuff & came over. Rang Beka (back) quickly. Sandie-Lee & Fi came down – talked for a while -Mark rang. He spent $137 on something today (won’t tell me what) ?!!?!! Watched Return of the Jedi on TV. Now is 11:30 Dead! Going to town & Earlville tomorrow clothes shopping . Gotta see Mark soon. Didn’t do his “P” driving test [‘P’ meaning ‘Provisional’ which is the next step after attaining your ‘Learners’ and frees you from having to drive ‘supervised’ by a full (‘Open’) license-holder. We didn’t need to display signs on our vehicles back in the 80’s: after 12 months on your ‘P’s’ you’d simply go to the Department of Transport and get your new ‘Open’ license. I’m not sure how much the process has changed now…] – Bitch driving instructor didn’t book him in for one [There’s devotion for you: ‘siding’ with him against the driving instructor even though I had no idea whether or not she was indeed a ‘bitch’] – has to wait till next week. SHIT!! Oh well. Sleepy! (Burnt leggies!) mima burnt back!

Thursday 2/7/87

Oh! What a good day! Mima & I went to Earlville (mum dropped us there) and we shopped! I bought black sox, a blue long sleeved polo shirt and some white pants from Venture (mima did too!) Then (we spent the time walking round looking – met Brent on his lunch break – he bought Jemima this cute shirt $15 from Fosseys – I should’ve gotten one too) saw Phil. C. Yummy! I sure did dip out last year – wonder if he still feels anything for me? (Was looking at me) [So… in case Mark and I did break up…?] We caught the bus to town & walked around (less enthusiastic; were exhausted) I bought a cute little white with black spot skirt on sale ($5) Sussans – gave to Jules (cos’ I owed her $5 – we can share it!!) Cut out piccys at home- rang Mark. Gonna ring tomorrow & we’ll do something together (at last!!) but we can’t spend any money – he’s got his ($280) suit [for the formal] on lay-by. Speaking of which we’re ringing Mrs E. [a dressmaker] about my dress tomorrow. God I’m tired. Why do I punish myself with late nights??? FOOL!!

Friday 3/7/87

Well, I cut out pictures all morning; rang Mark at 9:30 – he only just got up & was rather tired, so rang back just after 10:00. We talked for quite a while. He couldn’t get out here today – had things to do, so we invited him for dinner. I finished getting ready & went into town (Kmart) etc. with mum. Grocery shopping + I bought a red lipstick (beautiful) to go with my formal outfit!! Then we visited Nana. At home ∼4:30, made pavlova & I had a shower & was sorting my pictures when Mark came. We did quizzes. Watched TV till dinner then played Trivial Pursuit, but stopped for the movie RISKY BUSINESS. Finished Triv. Pursuit after, Jules went to bed. He & I asked T.P. questions, then prepared for bed but lay on the divan watching tennis (Wimbeldon) & mucking around Till about 3:30 got to sleep.. ‘bombed’ in the lounge room.

Saturday 4/7/87

Woke around 8:00 – too light to sleep in the lounge room. (Mark wasn’t impressed) Played Trivial Pursuit all morning through the music + cartoon shows→ he won again (Fluke→ it has to be!) Before lunch, we talked – about the night he kissed Nicole – it upsets me so much, to think about. He can’t understand what all the “fuss” is. God. He doesn’t understand when I tell him I want him only for me- I don’t want him kissing others- I want him to be truly totally devoted to me ..not want ever to kiss anyone else (or not do it, anyway) [I was obviously idealistic about romantic love, and held the high expectations that went with that. But our individual definitions of fidelity clearly differed and I was as yet too young, too inexperienced and therefore oblivious of the fact that people could view everything so differently; that people could be so radically different from in each other in some, or many, ways…. and they cannot be controlled, nor changed. I unthinkingly assumed that my definitions and expectations were ‘universal’. If you aren’t getting what you ‘want’ from someone, there’s only one course of action…] after lunch & a few quizzes, listened to music & talked a little – not happy stuff. About the past. And I think I disappointed or hurt him. When Keith came to pick him up, I was certain he was in a bad mood with me..but he said he’d ring me (had a bit of a cry before amusing myself with my cut-out pictures – and Graeme (horrible truckie who likes mum) came over) so I rang him. We talked for an hour – it was like an arguement: he made me realise what a loser I am – an empty shell – I have no character. [Let’s get this straight: no matter what exactly was said, HE wasn’t responsible for your ‘realisation’: that was simply your Mind’s reaction – the response it ‘calculated’ for you.] God I was so upset. I don’t know how to change I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING. [Yep. Super, super sensitive… not to mention negative…] Watched movie GHOSTBUSTERS am so tired now Is 11:40

Sunday 5/7/87

Got about 9½hrs sleep last night – surprised when I woke at 10:15 – I was sure when I looked at the clock it would say 7:30 or something. Well, I was slow to get moving, but once ready I had a little wait anyhow. They came in Keith’s car. – Mark didn’t say a word (it didn’t particularly bother me) but at the baseball grounds we spoke a bit. They lost their first game Reds B vs Sharks B (Liam B, Nikky H, Jason S, Shane L in that team!) And the second Reds A vs Sharks A (Terrible Luck) It was so cold – overcast & very windy. The max. temp. in Cairns today was only 22º. That’s cool! (for Cairns, anyhow) […at least I made the distinction!] We only talked very little about the conversation last night. As far as he’s concerned, it’s over with (the talk – we don’t need to anymore) I still want to talk about a few things; namely me. Mark drove home (the yellow van) said bye. No phone call. Mum took me straight over to dad’s – stayed for ages. See Graeme was gonna come over – we dodged him. Around 8:30 we left the car at the Hayles – at home, made no noise or turned on any lights – he left around 9:00 – went back to Hayles to get the car & talked for ages. [Oh, mum! I’ve always said that everyone in our family was non-confrontational, including to my dad, and this is a perfect example …of how (from whom) I learnt this behaviour. Thankfully I have never gone to those lengths (hiding from people!) but I don’t like arguments or difficult situations, although I have grown to understand the importance of assertiveness and will “face the music” when necessary. But on the whole, I prefer Peace! Come to think of it, I remember when we were much younger mum sometimes used to pretend we weren’t home and hide from bible-bashers too. She was just way too soft, bless her!] Now is 10:30. Wanna sleep peacefully wonder if Mark tried to ring while we were at dad’s? (5:30-8:00) [Based on past experiences, I reckon I know the answer…]

Monday 16/6/86

A Life in Words — This postcard looks very much like it is from the 80’s!

Woke a little later today… about 8:00 These late nights really make me tired. Today we went to the beach. I can’t believe how long this ‘stint’ is continuing [the continuous sleepovers: in the past our parents (collectively) hadn’t ever allowed this many consecutive sleepovers] Mima & Monique are staying tonight too. Mrs B drove us into the Gumtree Corner (after we’d cleaned up etc) where we caught the Northern Beaches bus to Trinity Beach. It was excellent. We sunbaked, swam (very little) and occasionally went to the shop to pig out [that i, stuff ourselves with rubbish]. Tim S was there with Gary & Chris C, Jason M, Rachel D & some others. He’s a reject [noun, negative connotation] (tried to get mima’s phone number…) went back to mima’s (caught bus to “Talking Heads” [one of the trendiest hair salons in Cairns at the time]) mima packed and Mrs B dropped us here. We got ready (& mucked around) then went to the Eisteddfod. Marge got 2nd hers was better tho, I think. Otherwise it was bloody boring. After we were to meant to catch a taxi home, but we all (M& H too) walked around looking for a cafe; were followed [?? by whom? what? I don’t know what I meant here] but soon found Don Quixote Really neat. Got home by taxi – just enough money. SUNBURN!! ouch

Tuesday 17/6/86

Woke rather early again. The beds I made up were bloody uncomfortable and slept badly. Today, Sharon rang. mima & monique went home around 10:30 the time sharon was going to come. Thank god she came after they went (I’d told her a stack of lies about what I’d been doing “lately”; she’s bitching about mima & monique especially) Anyway, we played monopoly rather boring and dragged out (esp. cos I lost) then ate big scrumptious lunch and went to shop to pig out. Sharon rode home around 2:00 (athletics training) I lazed round at home. Rang mima and she said we couldn’t really meet Lucy at the airport so around 5:00 Mrs B dropped us at Monique’s. Beautiful house and really great parents!! [Although I didn’t realise it at the time, this was the inception of a new and very special friendship for me. In the coming months, Monique & I became, as her parents even put it, “inseparable”. She was the first ‘best friend’ I’d since early primary school. My very own best friend, so I no longer felt I was playing ‘third wheel’ to Jemima and Fiona] Walked to vid. shop convinced monique not to get a horror [movie]. Another lateish nite again. Shit. I’m worn out! Has definitely not been boring Hols so far!!!

Wednesday 18/6/86

Woke fairly early (about 7:00) Boy was it good to sleep in a bed on my own for once!! We lazed round, reading etc and got ready to go to Earlville after bacon & eggs brekky. Almost got eyeshadows there, but couldn’t decide between 3 sets. After, went to town (mima was shopping for clothes for Japan) met Brent. Dropped monique home & my stuff home. Got out at Lucy’s; mim, Brent, me, Lucy & Beka walked up to mima’s and watched a video. Initially it was strange seeing Lucy again; didn’t know what to say! But was good – told her about Mark!! (she seemed “pleased” enough) Walked home. (Mum’s been sick – but is on the road to recovery and I think I have caught Julia’s cold) Fi came shopping today but stuck close to polly in fact did everything with polly. mima actually talked to me ’bout it on the way to her place (when no one else was there) she said what a bitch fiona was today [only words of hurt]. I’m thinking Jemima’s not so fussed on Fi anymore. [Just a phase. Teenaged girls!!] Clues (??) that she likes me more?? (than before) things like “Mark and Brent are good friends….” [which I don’t think was the case]

Thursday 19/6/86

Slept badly last night. Woke up all the time – throat extremely sore. Not quite as and now, but it’s definite that I have a cold. You can always tell – I start off with mucus→ sore throat from sucking it back → nasal congestion or “runniness”→ (perhaps) a cough. Woe is me! Sharon came round quite late this morning. We played monopoly again, had lunch then both had to relax. Sharon was sick (said she’d caught wog off boy over the road: they trained together) So we drove her home a lot later. Poor thing -she was quite pale. Wondering what Jemima did today was going to ring her, but never got round to it → also had sore (still have) throat so not easy to talk. wonder if she’s talking with Fi again. Also wondered [1] what Lucy did today, [2] when I’ll get my haircut, [and 3, when I’ll] go raging with Lucy & everyone etc 9:39 Uhoh! mucus again. Please God no!! When will I go to work?

Friday 20/6/86

Well, the sore throat is no more → now comes the nasal congestion and ‘tightness’ in the throat→ tendency to cough which makes me talk funny. (my voice that is) [Some – in fact many – would say I talk funny anyway. Now. I have a ‘distinctive’ (nasally) voice, I believe.] Today was my first really boring day of the holidays. Yes, I finally resorted to watching TV. Played cards with Julia. Looked at magazines Did everything “trivial” and totally boring. But, while cleaning (dusting) my furniture this arvy Lucy called and around 6:15 we went to dinner at Cookaburra’s Corner -new restaurant was alright→ fairly expensive. Had entree and main; couldn’t eat more so left early. Went back to Lucy’s for 1½hrs. Talked’n’watched TV. Cold seems to be getting better! (??) Julia almost went to court today about Jenny’s car crash last year. [?? I don’t remember anything about this either] She was a witness. 11:22. Wanna go out and rage. Gonna work tomorrow! 1st time in about 4 weeks!! UMAH!!!!

Saturday 21/6/86

Work! Yes! I worked! Believe it or not. I got there early but didn’t start work until 11:00 or so cos’ I spent time playing computer games on Dad’s new computer. Got $20 for (approx.) 5 hours work. And after; got home around 6:30 mum had gone with Geoff to the Clarkes for dinner (and Julia was gonna spend the night at dad’s) I rang Lucy she and Beka walked over & I grabbed some gear to stay the night after ringing mum about it. Went to Mr W’s girlfriend’s house for dinner then went straight to sleep once at ‘home’! Played a lot of cards!!

Sunday 22/6/86

Woke rather late (think I got almost 8-9hrs sleep!!) We had late brekky and just played cards’n’watched TV. I left just after 1:00 after we’d been to the shop (!!) Got ready for beach party back at home. (I ended up being too dressed up and split my white skirt→ so I borrowed Erica’s denim shorts) Was alright. Lotsa ‘couples’ – was depressing. But the fire and moon kept me dreaming. [You know the trance you can fall into when fire- or moon- gazing?] One time, Steven told Polly to say “Elissa, how’s Mark?” I said “who?” “Mark” “Mark who?” and Steven said “Good one Polly!” What does that mean? [I think it means you were being baited Liss] Does Steven know I like Mark or Mark likes me? How embarrassing. that got me wondering. I thought mark didn’t want anyone to know. Late nite after all. about 11:30. Maybe Mark told Steven at the dance maybe mark does want everyone to know [oh so innocent….naive!]

Tag: Eisteddfod

Assumptions, Quizzes & Dodging the Suitor (29 June- 5 July)

Talking Heads, Don Quixote & Cookaburra’s Corner (16-22 June)