Jemima said a quick ‘Hi’ and said nothing till 3:20 after school. Fiona said ‘Oh, I didn’t see you’ after 2nd period. They weren’t on the bus. But she’d seen me before during the morning. They really piss me off. They did a lot of talking and hanging around each other. [This stems from jealousy, which stems from loneliness. I always felt like a ‘third wheel’, never having a ‘best friend’ of my own.] I spent before school & lunch time in the library with Sharon and Donna respectively. My photo was in the paper for CAD today. [The one from last week’s blog] It was a fairly good one too. Julia thinks I’m one of the prettiest there. (I wish) [My sister often told me how pretty I was, ‘compared to others’. I never ‘valued’ her opinion – assuming she was just saying it because it was her duty as an immediate family member. It also speaks of my lack of Self Worth… or Self Belief.] I am so tired. I don’t think I’ll bother about writing about Mark anymore. I’m wasting my time liking him. He doesn’t like me & never will so why don’t I just stop dreaming?? 9:33 That Kuranda party was a once in a lifetime event. ie: it was a dream. Will never happen again [I’m really in a particular frame of mind at this point in time, huh? Pessimism certainly has the reigns here now.]
Double bio was in lab. I really don’t think mark likes me anymore. [Biology was the only class I had in common with him] Pity. (But I always say that) Jemima went home sick after lunch today. Amanda (C) said she was white as a ghost. Bad, huh? Well, I spent before school and big lunch in the library again: this time helping Sharon. We did a big rush job for her english but it was fairly good. [I’ve only just realised that I was actually doing something that only happens in American teen flicks: doing someone’s homework for them. Well, “helping”. But not getting paid…] And her maths was quite a waste of time. (I spent most of the time talking to Maureen) I HATE Peter P. Everywhere I go practically he’s there. It SHITS ME OFF. [Apparently he was ‘attracted’ to me, but the feeling was (obviously strongly) unrequited.] Boring. Sharon has “organised” for “everyone” to go to Green Island on Anzac Day Holiday. Big rage. Guess who I’m wishin will come. But I’m not hoping cos he probly won’t. It’s 8:44. I want to get lots of sleep. I bin so tired lately.
It was inevitable. It had to happen. Mark F knows who I liked (no longer now) Wonderful. And he won’t believe me when I say I don’t like him anymore. [Teen taunting] I’ll bet he’s told at least one person. He almost told Cameron this arvy. Speech was on my own. Mima had to work (actually, it’s 8:30→ she’ll still be there) I’m hot – no, warm. (Slightly uncomfortable.) I’m trying not to worry about (well, not “worry” but take notice of) Mark W. I do think I still feel for him (so corny, elissa) But I’m wasting my time. I said to Mark F “I wouldn’t have had a chance anyway. PITY. Am going to Green Is. on Fri then mima’s on Sat. Staying sat. night after going to movies. Black bags – something bad under my eyes. Nite nite!!
9:57. Sharon hasn’t called me yet. We (I) don’t know what’s happening now. Everyone’s changed his/her mind Sharon, me, Fiona and Angela M want to go to Green Is. But Joannah C. doesn’t want to go anywhere. I don’t know what’s happening. Except that I must remember to ring mima about Saturday night. Today was different. I only spent before school in the library with Sharon; at lunch, I was with mima & fi. Walking home off bus, Mark F. mentioned Mark W and I stressed to Neville I used to like him. They both don’t. (Up their arses!) I still think he’s a hunk, tho. Quite warm today. Not usual autumn weather. Am so tired. Hair is growing fast. Seems everyone i.e.: the “popular” girls Angie M, Trisha, Michelle W, Joannah etc are being really nice lately. Am glad!! [The Need for Acceptance – oh Ego, you are so blinding…]
[Anzac Day] HOLIDAY So far as laziness, gluttony and boredom go, this has been my worst day. I ate so much. I feel so ashamed. I did absolutely nothing but watch TV or read my book (or eat) instead of doing homework. And as a result, it was the most boring-est day of my life. You see, cos Sharon didn’t ring back last night, I had to ring her at 7:30 to find out whether she was going or not cos Fi rang an hour earlier, wanting to know what was happening. Anyway; it wasn’t on. So that’s how I spent Anzac Day, 1986. Cyclone Manu is getting closer to Cairns by the minute. “What? Another cyclone?” Yep! Not quite as intense as Winnifred it has centre winds of 150km/hr so far. 11:32. Got back from movies, OUT OF AFRICA was absolutely BRILLIANT no other word for it. went with mum & julia & geoff
Well. I got ready and “rushed” into town. Bought a fantastic green (emerald green) blouse. I love it. Only $28. Saw mima – she said she thinks it’ll still be on. I said for her to give me a quick buzz if it’s not, but otherwise I’ll come as per normal. I did maths HW all arvy till I packed for mima’s. Didn’t have a shower. Got all “excited” – the first movie was “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. Then that Movie. I didn’t watch more than about 1/20 of it!! I kept my knees in front of my face most of the time. And I was “fine!” [It was a horror flick called ‘House’. I have always hated ‘scary’ movies – so my attendance at this was for purely social reasons.] Colleen, Liam, Sharon, Fi, Brent, Polly, Anna, me & mima went. Not many other known people. Mark R was there. Got to sleep around 1:00! Was alright, too! [Alright as in no boogeymen or nightmares]
Woke around 9:00. Slept in till 10:30. Today went so fast. Around midday Amanda (C) came round. We talked. Watched ‘Fraternity Vacation’. Ate piklets. And honeycomb. And played junior Trivial Pursuit. Amanda left, Brent came & left, Jay left. We finished the game around 5:00. Took Shannon home to get her clothes for school. Then I was dropped home. (I think this pen’s running out) Watched Countdown. Watched more TV. Boy, am I tired, now!! Absolutely bugared. (I definitely need a new pen I think) Pretty, funny kind of day. Did no HW. Umah! Wanted to get my english assignment out of the way. Too bad!! School 2morrow. Thank God for school. I love it!! [Now how often does one hear THAT?]