Creativity Block & the Loss of a Sibling (2-8 June)

Monday 2/6/86

And BIOLOGY? Well…. I don’t think so at all. The Questions were totally alien to me. I attempted all except 5. (parts of Q’s) Ha! Whadda flop. And I wasted this afternoon too. Caught the 12:00 bus & went to Jemima’s where I watched videos. Bludge waste. SHIT I am stupid. [No, just one helluva Procrastinator] And I’ve got my damn maths I [that’s Maths “1”] exam the day after tomorrow. Holy Hell. I am so tired. Will be absolutely ELATED when my exams are over (saw Mark today – 1st time in 3 days) Got a letter from Lucy (again) She must be really excited – I’ve received so many lately!! God I hate exams. 5 to 10 another late night. I’m gonna flop. OH SHIT. Caught the town bus in later this morning. Wonder if the others are gonna do it again tomorrow?? My art hasn’t been done yet either & I won’t get it done either Poop Damn Shit. I’m all fucked up.

A Life in Words
Belated advice for my younger self.

Tuesday 3/6/86

English was fairly good, as was art but my biology prac. exam … Ha Ha Ha What a laugh (actually it’s not really) I am so stupid. I must have no brains. This will teach me. [Really? You really think so?] Next time I will (must) be prepared. Did a bit of maths tonight but I had to stop – I can’t believe how dumb I am. I can barely do any of it. [Comprehension issues. Can’t recall whether we were into Trigonometry at this stage or not. I didn’t mind Algebra so much but Trig …nuh. Never got it.] Stuffed. Boy will I be glad when tomorrow is over with. But then there’s the last week: getting my marks back. OH NO! (I’m thinking of working on Thursday & Friday as well as Saturday – I want to buy a new shirt or something for the dance next wednesday) Also that art problem is due Friday!! I was so worried→ everyone else had done theirs – I hadn’t. 9:37. Am gone wake earlier than the birds and work like hell.

Wednesday 4/6/86

NO MORE EXAMS! was all I could think about after my maths exam. Who gives a hoot if I failed? Most people did too so Ha! Went to mima’s again after – watched a movie, then went to the shop before speech. Pity. I won’t see Mark for a long time now – 5 days: and then after those 4 school days, for another fortnight or so. BOO HOO. Stuffed maths something severe. But everyone I asked (except Brent) left at least (Cameron McK) 5 Q’s blank – I left about 15 I think Ha Ha SHIT. A Life in WordsOh I’ll miss Mark. Just finished watching Lace II was pretty good! Still, I think I preferred Lace I. Is 10:30 and I can sleep in tomorrow YAY!!

Thursday 5/6/86

Well. Today was a bit of a big waste of time. I woke around 7:15, got a letter from Lucy, replied it & mum sent that. I spent the whole day at home. S’posed to do my art. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested; I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t know what to do at all. [Equivalent to Writer’s Block… is there a phrase for Artists’ lack of inspiration?] And I ate a lot. But I didn’t watch any TV till about 5:30. In fact I was quite bloody board. And amazingly enough, I thought about Mark one hell of a lot today more than I have before. Also read up on his starsign again. Still think we’d be a great pair→ but there are a few disagreeable things→ e.g. he’s s’posed to be STUBBORN. 9:41. And I feel an idiot. Can’t wait till this boring weekend finishes. [5days]

Friday 6/6/86

EAT. That’s practically all I did today too. Didn’t get my art in either. SHIT. Hafta see if she’ll take it on Tuesday. I had started at around 1:30 finally on a good copy (and it looks good so far) but when mum came at 2:30 to take me to school (to hand it in) I had not done anymore on it coz I was stuck. Now I still don’t know what to do. Poop. Anyway. I ate heaps in fact I’m totally disgusted with myself. Also Mark (& Cameron) would’ve left today for baseball in Mackay. Good LUCK! Not one day goes by when I don’t think of Mark. [It’s kind of interesting how all this stuff makes me vomit just a little in my mouth now. It’s not that I’m “hard as nails” now but I’m sure I’m not as ‘soggy’ as I was then.] 11:05. I am tired – movie was funny (kind of) Didn’t watch any TV again tho’ in the day. raining & windy still. I don’t mind→ at least it’s cold!!

A Life in WordsSaturday 7/6/86

Boy am I tired. Went out tonight→ to Pizza Hut for tea, then to see “Crocodile Dundee” which, by the way, happens to be the best, funniest most entertaining movie out. I laughed my guts out!! Anyway we got home at 9:30 (early showing – no support movie or shorts) Is now 10:27 and I am stuffed. Today I ate again. Don’t know what’s come over me. Usually I have a ‘fair’ appetite but now I’m “glutton-ish”; eat everything in sight (practically) But I’m so tired. Went to town this morning. Julia spent her birthday money new shoes, beautiful knit jumper & small accessories. Lucky devil. I’d love to have spent $100 there (Sportsgirl) this morning. Pooped! Nite!

Sunday 8/6/86

I woke at 5:00 to mum’s cries of help. The light was on and in the laundry blood covered the floor. Mum was on the toilet. She was MISCARRYING. That was 5:00. By 7:00, she (had finally decided to go to hospital cos she was feeling weak) was in hospital. [Oh my god, the way that’s written it sounds as if she might have driven herself? No mention of an ambulance nor of someone else (Geoff?) taking her… and I can’t remember either. Driving herself would’ve been a huge risk if she was so weak. But mum being as independent as she was, nothing would surprise me.] Julia & I stayed home tidied up the remaining ‘mess’ fixed the house then amused ourselves till about 1:30, when Geoff came & took us to the hospital. Mum looks weak & ill, but she said she was fine but absolutely STARVED. (she was on a drip.) And she had to stay tonight because one surgeon in the whole hospital was there & so didn’t do it today. That’s pathetic. In a hospital that size there should be more than 1 surgeon. Geoff’s staying over (Had fish’n chips for tea) to mind us. Been one heck of a busy day. Only got 6hrs last nite. Lemme sleep now!! 8:35

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