Shitty day today. First I hear news that Fiona is going to the show with Jemima no – sorry – GREG. invited her. Upset over that – but, fiona wants me to come with them. (then I’d be left out – so I might just go with Justine instead – more fun 2 than with 7) Secondly. my period PES – gushed out (wearing only tampon) undies soaked. [Oh to be female. If you have a ‘weak stomach’ for these human biological functions, I recommend you quit reading here-now because this drama – its description & detail – comprises the rest of the days’ entry…and some!] pad in BP: 5th period – gushed out. At loos, took out tampon – old pad soaked put in loo paper. End big lunch – on my skirt (Jumper round my hips) More loo paper between 6th & 7th periods – pad after skool from office. At home – skirt covered in blood. Lucky had a jumper. Am stuffed
I can’t believe how heavy my periods are. I wore one of mum‘s tampons today (longer & thicker) & that wore out about only 3hrs later! Went thru 3 tampons & 3 pads & still my pants were stained – today was lucky my skirt didn’t. Riding tomorrow. Won’t take my jumper cos’ weather’s getting warmer, however if I do leak – nothing to hide it. Shit. Cross fingers!! Wot about in Summer – when I can’t take a jumper anyway? OH NO!! [Fortunately this entire experience was the worst I’ve ever suffered, at least as far as I can recall now. Many women endure much worse on a regular basis throughout their lives so I am very grateful.] Going with Justine to show. Try not to meet Lucy. Also don’t wanna stay near Fi etc too long (don’t wanna have to drool over Steven) also cos this arvy (at Lucy’s new flat in Springfield Estate!!) Jemima didn’t seem too friendly. OH well. I can’t help it.
Nana bought round a choice of books by those authors Mr Van Slooten gave us & I took two (one’s whose titles he had mentioned, I think.) I have now actually started on book! Am gonna read for a little while now cos’ I’m up to ch.9 (there’s only 5 to go!) Didn’t get much HW done. Riding – my hands were numb – red raw & frozen. Next time I’ll wear gloves. Not joking. [Well, nothing’s changed – seems I’ve always had poor circulation. My hands and feet are always icy, just ask the clients I train in winter!] Am tired – cranky. Periods easing now – think for show I’ll only need a tampon – mum’s just in case. I’m confused about who I have a crush on – I say not Tim but ? when I see him, I’m not so sure. Now I haven’t seen Steven, I’m not so sure – but one thing: I’m still jealous of Anna (& Fi cos’ I don’t want her to go with Greg again) [So obvious to me now that it had little to do with the boys – it was simply that I didn’t want to be alone.]
Today went slow. Didn’t find out whether Tim is going tomorrow or not, but Julia said she saw Melissa C & Tia tonight. I’m sick already (probably with excitement) but I hope I’m not going to be on the rides tomorrow. [Not much of a daredevil, it took me a few years – and my Dad – to get me on my first ‘big-person’s’ show ride, and my innards were sometimes too eager to react to the forces of motion. In your teens, when the event’s social aspect becomes even more significant, the last thing you want is to be green around the gills…] I want to meet lots of people. I bought some new nail polish (bright red to go with my outfit) & some mousse (to do something with my lifeless hair.) Also wanna get some chapstick (lip protector) My “Bonne Bell” is run out & Julia said it was cold here so imagine the wind on the rides!!
[the original diary had printed “Katherine Show Day” on this date and I wrote next to it:] & Cairns!! [Excited much?]
Today I can’t remember much what happened except that I didn’t do very much HW, I went to Lucy’s (to tell her where we’d meet her – but she kept me there for over an hour.) & in my exceptionally good timetable for preparing for the show I ran out of time & got upset & cranky – but everything worked out OK.. [Another wonderful aspect of OCD – driven by pure excitement of course – that I thankfully grew out of before I left school: writing up ‘toilette schedules’ for big social events… which invariably always went awry.] show was alright. Not the best I’ve been to. Did meet Lucy (were late so she was shitty) Went on heapsa rides – chipmunk!! yep! 3 times!! I love it!! [The Chipmunk was the only roller coaster ride at the Cairns Show. I am guessing, from the way I have reported it, that this was the first year I’d had the courage to give it a go. Evidently a winner!] Saw Tina, Gordan C & many others. Met steven, anna etc. felt terrible – could see Steven practically spewing over Lucy!! Want to apologize to him. [It’s funny how I used to – and perhaps sometimes still do – tend to ‘take blame’ for things that are out of my control. In this instance I’d say it all boiled down to me badly wanting to impress Steven, and ‘failing’ because all ‘I’ brought him was discomfort. What a warped sense of responsibility!] Ate a bit. Tim wasn’t there (I confessed to Justine – she thinks he’s got the ‘hots’ for Melissa C.) OHH! NOO!!
Bugared! Got to sleep ’bout 1:00. Woke 8:00 today. Read my book. In fact read it most of the day. Is a twisted book – story good but presentation twisted. [I’d LOVE to know what it was so I could re-read it now.] Did all other HW except main ones – English & Maths. Study 4 maths & do english essay tomorrow (have to write an essay under EXAM CONDITIONS) My nose is blocked – sneezy & my left ear is blocked. Also had a brief dizzy spell after bath. Hope I don’t have the dreaded flu that’s already killed 26 people nationally.. [I’m not certain what kind of flu this was, and have tried Googling it. Bird flu was recorded in Victoria in 1985 but there was no mention of human deaths as a result.]
Supposed to write my english essay today & study for maths test. However, when I awoke, I decided to complete reading my book as I only had 5 Ch’s left. Took me until 2:00. So then I attempted my essay. Began writing about the thoughts of a fat girl, [potentially autobiographical in nature no doubt, since my body image was poor] but hated it, so got upset cause couldn’t think what to write about. Mum took me out & we got a sly cone. At home time passed & I got more upset. Decided finally at 4:30 to do about an ocker [meaning “stereotypically Australian” for those who are unacquainted with our national slang] BBQ. Have notes but must write the essay & learn off by ♥. Also have yet to study maths → SO MUCH work!