Abandonment, Rejection & “Skin-Deep Crankiness” (7-13 October)

Monday 7/10/85

I HATE SCHOOL Lucy’s definitely (100% sure) she’s going to boarding school next year. Megan (Anna’s friend’s) 100% sure she’s off to Sydney & FIONA is 99% sure she’s going to CAIRNS HIGH. [Uh-oh, abandonment issues] She says it’s because the subjects here are stupid. At Cairns High she wants to do German or Geography. A Life in WordsShe could easily do them here (I checked tonite) She went to the optometrist at lunchtime. Anna’s & Fi’s mum’s Birthdays today. Still Ratshit weather. Didn’t do any HW – xept science tonite. 8 weeks this semester for us – 10 for others. Kim wants to come on the Mulgrave Camp now. Hope she can get in & be put in my group. I need some ‘friend’. [Definite fear of the Unfamiliar. While I really enjoy my own company now, I have to admit there are things I still dislike doing on my own.]

Tuesday 8/10/85

Anna & Fiona rode today. Fiona said “Anna organised it.” and Anna said “I forgot all about you..” Nice, huh? So I minded the usual seat only to find no one got on. They never tell me anything so to get back at ‘them’ the only way I can, I’ll not tell them anything I do/get etc. [Oh the vengeance!] Kim isn’t in group 3 but she’s in the camp after all (group 1) Had another meeting today (unscheduled) to sort out menus “once and for all”. We’re buying as a group but I’m going to bring lots of my own stuff. Still haven’t got my periods. Mum said they delay when you worry, so I’m trying not to. [One of my earliest lessons about how Stress can affect you physically.] If I get them any later than Mon. I’m in trouble

Wednesday 9/10/85

Gord, this week’s going slow. Were gonna ride today (Anna, Fi & me) but Fi rang in the morning to say they were both too tired. I’m sick of school already. I want it to go fast. I wanna stay at dad’s this weekend, again – to work & also for the places to go out for Fun in the Sun events (Oktoberfest) [I was such a conflicted creature – so socially driven and yet painfully shy] He said I can work – but nothing about staying over. Mum’s at a National Trust Meeting. Geoff rang suddenly at 7:00 to tell her. Poor woman, she’s sick/ill. Did all HW today. Still haven’t started any assignments – I find it hard to work on them on weekdays, unless under pressure. Gosh I think I’ll get a bigger diary next year.

Thursday 10/10/85

Anna & Colleen are having a joint birthday party. Colleen’s inviting her friends – Fran, Nikki, Trudi etc & Anna’s inviting hers – Polly, Jemima, Fiona. Goes to show who she really likes doesn’t it? The worst thing is they’re trying to hide the fact that Fiona & Jemima are invited & I (and the others) aren’t. [Feeling a good deal of rejection this week All lending to my inferiority complex.] I think Lucy notices too. (She was being extremely nice to me on the bus.) Exams start on the 20th Nov. Break up on the 29th. Come back on the 5th Dec to get our Junior Certificates. Fiona was strangely↔acting today. Prob’ly shitty with me about something. Week is going still so slow. Wanna work & spend weekend at dad’s. I have soooo many assignments – not funny

Friday 11/10/85

Watched 2 TV movies tonight The first was a (sad) love story. BEAUTIFUL!! And the late one was a comedy – all right. Have now 2 History assignments, 2 english & a BP – (5) in all. SHIT! Drive me bonkers! Woke early this morning – slept badly last night – hot, woke every time I rolled over I think!! This morning when I left the house for school after Julia; I glanced over at the park and saw a tall, dark-haired figure walking across to Mark’s NEVILLE lives in Cassowary St now. OH no! I caught up to Julia, but she didn’t see him. On the bus, when we passed their stop (I had described him to her) she saw him and went ‘Err!’ & screwed up her face. Don’t blame her – he’s ugly. Also had my viewing/listening english test. Yuk mucked it up

Saturday 12/10/85

Feel not too tired, but there is crankiness lurking skin-deep. Dad came around 9:15. A Life in WordsAt work today did about 5¾hrs on & off + 49 drums so I got $35.25 Dad can’t afford to give me the money now (so he says) but he’ll have it to me “by Thurs or Fri..” There’a new electric typewriter at work, too. I couldn’t stop mucking ’round with it. FUN! But it tried tapping into it’s memory bank etc but very unsuccessfully. [Now what the hell would I have wanted to do that for?] At Dad’s just watched TV. The movie was good. Is about 10:45. We have to get up & make brekky so we can get to the Octoberfest early in the morning. Didn’t go tonite cos Dad & Jenny were too tired. I am too. I think I need some solid 8HRS sleep

Sunday 13/10/85

I’ve got THEM! Yes, I’m soooo relieved!! I thought I had no hope left – was even thinking to myself “skip one, skip one, skip…” but now all is well! GREAT!! Today was boring. At dad’s woke around 7:30-45 and had to make dad’s brekky at 8:30. Everyone (except me (& Jackie went to the shop – hideout’) worked in the garden, then Dad, Jenny & me drove down & had a swim at the beach (quickly) Went to Oktoberfest around 1:00. I ATE SO MUCH – 2 hotdogs & 2 pastries & 2 drinks (went home around 6:30) then had ¼ pie for tea [if I guess correctly, that’d be a quarter of a family sized meat pie] + choccy ice cream – VOMIT. [That doesn’t mean I actually did spew of course. I couldn’t be bulimic if I tried…and I did try at some stage but tickling my tonsils never resulted in a ‘solid rewards’. I had – and kinda still do have – an Iron Gut.] I’m gunna start rope skipping in the arvy’s to lose weight. At the Festival – hardly anyone there really boring – Jackie had to go in “PERFECT MATCH” and she won!! This fat (well not really) & ugly (YES!) guy of 20 yrs is her date to the Pacific International Hotel Restaurant POOR GIRL

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