Indoor Soccer, Grass Cutting & Special Consideration (5-11 October)

Monday 5/10/87A Life in Words

WOW! What a day! It wasn’t too bad a day, so far as school goes. I got to school & sat in Yr11 area with mima, too chicken to go past Mark in the room. I didn’t make any effort to talk to him; tried not to look at him. I was so sure it was going to be ages before he contacted me. If ever, yet it looked like he wanted to talk today (sometimes) Angela & her “mob” I barely saw, but Megan, Michelle & Linda talked to me. (NICE people!) [Still resentful much?] Had AIDS talk in 4th & 5th (12B) [back then, it was all AIDS – HIV wasn’t fully understood by the public] so I missed art cos’ of that – didn’t get to play T.T.D’arby for Jo A Life in Words[ah, there it is: the Terence Trent D’Arby onslaught had not yet begun…] (or see Angie & Trish) Nicole I talked to today ..she had lovebites & I thought it was probably mark ..[privacy omission] but they’re too small, really. Still, some people (fucking Keith B.) will lie & shit-stir. God I hate him. So I talked to Chris this arvy (mentioned the Darling Downs Uni etc- he said Mark, Steven & Keith also wanted to go there, but in 1989.) so I rang Jo tonite as she asked me & talked – I was so confused whether I liked (missed) Mark or not [constant analysing!]. then around 8:40 mima rang. Brent had been talking to Chris & he’d said how much Mark was missing me. Do you believe it? I thought he’d hate me by now. Apparently he thinks I hate him, has been talking to Steven a lot .. waiting 4 me to call. [Uh, I don’t know about all this ‘hearsay’ aka gossip…]

Tuesday 6/10/87

I think I’m getting a stye. Well, I sent that card I bought on the holidays, this afternoon [to Mark, I assume]. He didn’t talk to me today either. And I, neither, to him. I was unsure at first – mima said “careful, it mightn’t be true”. [Wise Mima…] But why would those guys do something as low as that? [Boredom maybe? I clearly trusted in the ‘Innate Good’ in people. I couldn’t (and still can’t) fathom how others’ pain can be entertaining to some.] Chris wouldn’t (couldn’t?) tell me anymore. And I don’t want to start asking around (Steven especially) cos mark doesn’t like that, remember?! Boring-ish day. Am eating junk now that I’m back at school. A Life in WordsDon’t want to get fat legs again; must control myself! Went to mima’s indoor soccer finals tonite. They lost (they “knew” they would) 3 nil, no 3-1. They played so well, considering all the other teams are comprised of women, not teenage[d] school-girls. God, I hope mark takes notice of that card tomorrow (will get it tomorrow arvy, I think) [I can’t recall it at all.] Hope he talks or rings, or even just writes a reply→ that’s still good enough for me. But if he does nothing… well… CONFUSION! [And more Stress for you…waiting, waiting, waiting…]  Talked to Jo about sex this arvy. She thinks Mark’s 1st time was actually with [privacy omission]. That surprised me.

Wednesday 7/10/87

Well I got no phone call. I’m so nervous about tomorrow. [This is a perfect example of the Buddhist idea that Hope creates Suffering. I was living in hope for a response, so the entire time I waited for a response, in expectation, I was stressed…suffering.] Will he talk to me? Oh, Jesus! Today was pretty bad, actually. (But not SO bad, in a way) A Life in WordsAt lunchtime, Steven threw Mark’s crushed up corn chips at me, and when I was talking (laughing at) the Year 11 girls, someone threw an apple at us & called us poor bitches. So I didn’t feel too good. [SO sensitive… bordering on paranoid…] This arvy, Nigel drove Jo & I into town, in Suzette’s car (with her & Deena) mark watched it all the way (nearly, apparently) [“apparently” = hearsay = high potential for inaccuracy = misunderstanding = pain. How’s that for an equation?!] After Jo got Anna & Colleen’s presents, we caught the bus (town was packed with Saints guys -Philip N Geoff M, Aaron K, Brendan L mmmmmm!) with Geoffry & Adam G. Did nothing at home – bludge. HW tonite Um, my throat’s been kinda funny lately mucous congestion + kinda sore (but not, sometimes) Getting hotter, faster: God this week’s gone fast!!!! Wish me luck for tomorrow. God knows I’ll probably need it (Why didn’t he call me??) Uh-oh… So many people today commented on how much weight I’ve (apparently) lost- I can notice it in my face!

Thursday 8/10/87

Well today I felt more depressed than I have in weeks. I got to school late as possible (that Julia & mum would let me) and stayed in the Yr 11 area. Mark said nothing to me all day. (I saw him looking sometimes- Gemila also, said to me, everytime she looks at him, he’s looking at me.) I got depressed (disappointed) I thought he’d try to talk or say something. In biol I asked if the chair next to him was taken and he kind of grunted a reply. Then again most of the day I didn’t really give him a chance to talk to me. So I was quite depressed this arvy & early tonight. Asked mum to take me late-nite [shopping] (to get out & stop thinking about him). Was good. Geoffry M (YUM) Adam G (cutie) and Philip N (YUM!) were there, and we all said hello. I would’ve stopped to talk, had I not been with mum. A Life in WordsSo I’m O.K. now, thinking of Philip N’s gorgeous smile & him looking at me!! Did no HW- first time this week! Caught Saints bus home (no one on it -that I like, that is) God I need some questions answered. Hope I see PN or PC or GM on the weekend.

Friday 9/10/87

Well he seemed pretty depressed today.. on his own a lot. I had a pretty good day, despite the tiny nagging feelings of anxiety beginning to show themselves. He really was DOWN; I can’t believe it. He did look at me. But, of course, that was it. I did nothing really un-boring (exciting) at school, except at lunchtime Chris, Cameron, Glyn, Fi & a whole lot of us mucked around (laughed so much!) Caught the bus home: so excited about the Pancake House. Were late into town ..I left my wallet in mums car & freaked out cos I thought I lost it ..but mum bought it back in for me. Pretty unexciting at the Pancake House. Jo, Sharon, Colleen & I went with the guys to Playpen I wasn’t really having fun. We were on our way to Croc Rock when David had a crash. (not really bad) so no one went but Mark B took Jo, Col & I up. Boring! Stuart P came & took us back to the playpen. I was so worried at the Hill- I saw Sandra W. and she avoided me – did not look at me at all – straight thru’ me . . I was so worried Mark’d said something to make her hate me. [Really? Guesses and assumptions are so useless and downright stressful.] Anyway at Playpen again (Sharon & Nigel wo!) [←I’m assuming this means they got together] told me Stuart liked me. But whenever he touched me, Joannah touched him. Eventually we were “all together”→A Life in Words

Saturday 10/10/87

type-thing. It felt yukky (sleazy) to me. [I’m certainly not into group things…] So I left Stuart with Joannah. Sharon had said to me “don’t let Joannah get him..” too bad. [This was a comment of resignation, meaning “I’m not going to fight over a guy”, especially one whom I knew at some level wasn’t really into me. If he was, Jo wouldn’t’ve gotten a look-in…] We went to Holloways Bch (his place) & walked on the beach. I lay staring at the moon thinking of Mark while Jo & Stuart got together. [Awkward.] I don’t believe she took him from under me. And she had the audacity to say we were best friends. Not likely. [Yeah, this is a tad confusing (!) but it’s actually easy to break down: I experiencing conflicting thoughts and feelings – honesty versus indignation. I didn’t “believe she took him from under me” because I knew deep down he wasn’t really into me: if he was, he would have rejected her advances. But I was at the same time bothered that her words and actions seemed so contradictory, because in my books best friends shouldn’t “cut your grass”…] Anyway, he dropped us home, just after 4:00. I woke quite early – 8:30 I got up. Not hungry. Anxious, worried about Mark. Rang F. Rang Cameron (he said “ring him”) Rang Chris (not home) Rang mima (she said “ring him”) I cried so much. But eventually rang and arranged to meet him 1:30 at the mall, before the Fun In the Sun procession. Fi took me in (for something to do). We barely talked to start with – he said he’d been mad with me for (supposedly) talking about all the girls he was with. It wasn’t too bad .. he couldn’t believe how I could change in 2 weeks & he couldn’t (live without me – missed me. Wow – I found out lotsa nice things.) In the end, it swung around (the “tone” of the conversation) and, we decided to keep talking. He looked at me so sweetly as we said bye I felt like kissing him. I felt his eyes on me as I turned and walked away. [A very romantic notion, but how do you know if you’d turned away? …oooh cynical me…] A Life in WordsThe procession was boring compared to all the other years (short!) but we had fun with water pistols – shooting people! At Munro Martin→ [next diary page…]

Sunday 11/10/87

Park after, was packed. Had gelati before going home. Hurried & got ready . .picked up Jo. I felt sick at the CAD party drinking .. the ice cream wasn’t enough in my tummy, but I wasn’t sick thank god. Jude & Jo were drunk. Danced, mucked around with the video: Filming each other. And (believe it or not) spent a while getting stoned. Yes, me, that’s unbelievable. [Yes, very much, considering how much I hated smoking in general (and still do).] The only thing is it didn’t work very well (at all) on me. [Now this is a funny statement. Firstly, I have to wonder if I was even doing it right (that is, inhaling properly!) and secondly, and most importantly, I have apparently been ‘guilty’ of claiming this at various times in the future, with other substances. I don’t seem to feel any effects, but witnesses usually tell a different story…] At croc. rock, was dead, so we went to Jo’s. Fell asleep and I woke 4:20.. got home 5:00. Did nothing today. Auntie Thelma, Ross, Mike Cynthia & Dougie came over. Honestly, I got up at 10:00 ..and the only thing I did was cut up some material to take to school to print on for art. What a waste. And it’s 10:00 now- I needed an early nite (too busy & shitty (!!) writing the “special consideration essay” for QTAC form [This was pretty important. Being absent from school for seven weeks – almost the entire first term – after the bus accident would definitely have had an impact on my Tertiary Entrance (T.E.) score. I needed to apply for ‘Special Consideration’ for a better end result… I included a copy of my essay (as printed up for me by school staff) below] Gonna be weird at school tomorrow. Mark, I mean. No, elissa. Remember: you’re in control: don’t matter what happens [poor grammar, not like you Liss…] – don’t put him first! He doesn’t want it (God, some of the things he said or told me Saturday really were amazing and nice (some, not many, bad)) WOWEE. I hope it’s Great this time!! It will be! [….umm, did I miss something? Wherever was it mentioned you’d be getting back together? I don’t think it was, Liss. You could be setting yourself up for another fall….?]A Life in WordsA Life in Words

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Window Painting, Bike Theft & the Death of Green Island (6-12 October)

Monday 6/10/86

Am so tired. Boring first day. Heard from Judy how mark was with numerous girls over the holidays. I hope someone he loves hurts him really badly one day – he’ll deserve it all. I’d laugh in his face. [Nice little vindictive streak evident there!] Anyway, Mr Grossetti did say something about my english; I didn’t get that double assignment done either – My report for english was terrible. In art, we found out Monique, Sandie, Donna & I were doing Singapore Charlie [a local retail store full of cheap imported Asian goods]. A Life in WordsWhen we walked uptown to see the manageress what she wanted had nothing to do with Fun in the Sun. . . she’s after cheap window advertising. Boring for us. And not worth it in pay, either under $10 each. Is 10:50 Riding 2morrow. So tired. Was hot today. Bore! Ate so much. I have a real appetite problem [I’d love to know from where my food obsessions stem…]

Tuesday 7/10/86

I liked today. Kind of. I get the feeling – it appears to me that Mark… well, he’s spending much less time with Nicole – only saying bye in the arvies And that’s it. And, well, he’s in my view a lot, too. No he’s just being a friend elissa. HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU ACCEPT IT. [Classic example of right-brain/left-brain ‘conversation’? Or the Good & Bad Consciences, sitting on each shoulder?!]. Well, I spent 1st period biology downstairs studying cos Mr Short wanted to go over the test with the rest of the class & I found out (when Donna finally came to get me) that they’d done other work and Mr Short had forgotten me. Ha! Then I pigged out little lunch [‘little lunch’ equates to a morning tea recess for those who have never heard of the term before. I’m not sure if it was an ‘era’ thing, or an Aussie thing, but at school we had two breaks and they were known as Little Lunch and Big Lunch… probably carried over from primary school!] – bought 3 vegemite vita-wheats – gave 2 away, so I had 1 v.v.w. + chick. sandw. + coconut (what others didn’t eat) + some choccy from Sandy. Double maths boring – Cameron we found out, broke up with Carrie last Wednesday. Think he’s pretty upset. Was terrible. Had my bio test big lunch: easy. Rest of big lunch mucked around. Went to city library with mim & fi after school. Stayed for ages. After some food, we rode home (I was about ½hr late) Did no HW again. [Uh, what the hell did you do at the library then? Perhaps just browsed through the teen fiction?] SHIT bad habits. Is 8:45.

A life in Words
Vegemite Vitawheats: an Australian institution!

Wednesday 8/10/86

It’s getting harder & harder for me to believe that Mark doesn’t like me. Today we talked. In town, painting our windows (really boring & stupid) he walked past a lot and once asked Monique where Ms Marsland was. She didn’t know so asked me. [That could have been a deliberate move by my ‘bestie’…] I said up at the Booking Office. D’you know where that is? (No) well, just past swagman’s cafe. And he didn’t smile once, but at school, I was waiting for Fi & mim to come out, I went and unlocked Fi’s bike simultaneously as he went to his bike (very close parked to ours) said, “Stealing bikes again?” I said (surprised) “Yep that’s me.” Then I asked him about his window & he asked me about ours!! WOW!! [Wow? Really? Amazeballs, he MUST like you. *rolls eyes*] Then he said goodbye to Nicole & him & Cameron left when Fi & mim were unlocking their bikes [I’m confused; I thought you just said you unlocked Fi’s?], but we passed them at service stn, pumping up their tyres. And these gorgeous Trinity Bay guys rode past. Yum! Jealous of all other windows – rebecca G & everyone else did beautiful coloured windows & we were stuck with plain, cheap advertising & cranky shop assistants. real bitchy. Speech this arvy – alright. 10:10

Thursday 9/10/86

* [←this asterisk was actually a five-pointed star in my diary. Unforunately this was the most similar symbol I could find] I am having an extremely difficult time trying to convince myself that he doesn’t like me…extremely difficult. This morning nothing happened  cos everyone was doing Rockmans & we (Donna, Sandie, Monique & me) were doing Cairns Booking Office (& it was revolting. Right from when Donna, Sandie & Moni started it I thought yuk. And it just got worse. [I am such a perfectionist. And hyper-critical!] And also when we were walking to get lunch, we saw the Singapore Charlie ladies wiping off our sign!!! Sandie couldn’t stop laughing and the girl said “Yeah, very Funny isn’t it?” Ms Marsland also cracked at them; didn’t give back the $50. Good on her!! [Good on her, alright. Just desserts for exploitation. You get what you pay for, tight-arses!] Anyway, after lunch people kinda lost interest in their paintings. Mark was talking to me (he wanted to paint a mohawk on my girl & I wouldn’t let him) all arvy!! A Life in Words(well y’know) & then walking back to school he & Trish had a paint fight – a bottle of red-brown paint. He got Ange, Moni, Sandie (Trish) Asti & me last (in the school grounds) skint – cleaner caught him made him clean up. But my new green polo shirt was wrecked. got sopping wet trying to clean up. [Hullo, wet T-shirt entrant!] all over my face & hair too. – is 10:35.

Friday 10/10/86

He (& Keith) weren’t here today. I didn’t really miss him, but, of course, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He mustn’t like me [oh here we go again; another backflip?] – I’m sure he was shitty about the paint – he thought it was my fault cos I didn’t let him paint the hair on my girl [Are you serious? Trying to guess someone else’s thoughts and feelings – making assumptions – is one of the most ‘harmful’ things you can do to YOURSELF. All that Worry for potentially nothing. Oh I wish I knew then what I know now.]  – but I’m glad I didn’t – gotta show him I won’t let him do everything. [LOL, yes, you sure showed him. You certainly are no ‘push-over’! Pffffft.] Mr G. wasn’t here so I can hand my 5 english in tomorr monday. Next Fri is final due date. Means I have to do another assignment as well. SHIT. and my six seashells [art assignment] is due Fri and maths, chem & bio, I don’t know what I’m doing – where I’m at! Going to Green Island on Sunday with Sharon. Don’t think Fi wants to. Mima’s going & there’ll be all the others who are staying over saturday night. Ragey!!! I hope there’ll be heapsa spunks. Must forget the dick. Stupidly I told Sharon I still like him on the phone this arvy. What have I done? is 9:35

Saturday 11/10/86

I found chemistry too hard, so moved on to biology – I found that too hard, so, deciding to leave my maths til last, finished my 5th english assignment (Not too bad) Went to Drive In tonight – just me & mum & Geoff. Saw Croc Dundee yet again + some movie called Better off Dead – came late – but still was funny what I saw! A Life in WordsWish I coulda got more work done today. Going to Green tomorrow – won’t have any time for more HW. [Cos entertainment is way more important than an ever-increasing mountain of schoolwork] So much Is due this week. Mucked round with make-up (what’s new) and ate heaps of chocolate biscuits that mum bought. Julia went to work. Am tired; is 11:20. Is rather hot, too – wasn’t at Drive In was windy [some much needed punctuation missing here] on Green Island will go spunk hunting – forget Mark W. Why I bother. . . Got heapsa schoolwork to do. Night Night!!

Sunday 12/10/86

I must admit I thought (hoped) I might see Mark there but no! It was alright – I wouldn’t have missed anything had I not gone. In fact it would’ve been more beneficial to me to stay home – I have heaps of homework, still. [Uh-huh] But it was good. Met Sharon’s friend (the one, the only…) Karen N. She’s really nice Saw Linda, AnneMarie, Alison, Leanne, Judy, Clare, Kai & his friends Dim etc. Got burnt only on face, really ..not bad either. But am browner (I think) Is about 8:50. Want an early night. I keep Thinking I can’t wait for angela’s party – but why? Nothing will happen: that’s for sure. (?) Yes! For SURE. School. Omigod! My work … I’m in  trouble in every subject – hell! I’ve gotta pull myself together. SHIT. What’my gonna do? Work harder. Am too tired (& a bit exhausted) to think what to write. Green Island is revolting; it’s dead: Hate it FITZROY RULES!! [I actually believe Tourism has ‘killed’ Green Island – though admittedly it has been well over a decade since I have been there. It boasted the world’s first public Underwater Observatory (opened in 1954) and I remember being truly amazed by the experience when I first visited it as a child in the mid 70’s. But over successive years, there seemed to be less & less (marine flora & fauna) to view from its windows – and even for ever-increasing areas around it, the jetty and even the island, in general. It hasn’t surprised me to discover that the observatory was shut down in 2012 – the reason/s of which I’m honestly not aware. My (albeit uneducated) line of thought is: as if tourist boat fuels were NOT going to make an impact on the ecosystem….]

A ‘Bizarre Love Triangle’ at the Fete (8-14 September)

Monday 8/9/86

Well quite a few people (I think; Donna, Sandie, Monique, Mima, Fiona, Sharon, Tania, Heather, Linda, Tanja, Judy & Rebecca G – that’s all I think) know about Phillip C liking me. And of those who know/have seen him, all reckon he’s cute – some say gorgeous – best bod!A Life in Words Lifesaver! Swimmer! Wow. But mima told me that Melinda B reckons Peter H was at Phillip’s place on Sunday; meaning he rang from there. SHAME!! But I still love Mark. But he obviously (??) likes Nicole… Cameron & Judy rubbed it in today. Cameron in chemistry said “Did you go with the others to the Playpen?” “No” went to the movies” – “Oh, we went to Nicoles.” Fine, Cameron – that’s just great. What’m I s’posed to say? Then Judy at the busstop reckons “Have you seen Nicole’s love bite? Can’t miss it – big purple mark all over her neck and shoulder.” Double fine, huh? You bastard Mark. You’ve got to love me. Please. I want you more than anything. [Ugh, desperation! With hindsight I have to say this whole infatuation experience was a HUGE ‘life lesson’ I did finally learn from.] I’m tired. Bin studying for maths Ha! Got chem mark back 11½/15 – I passed by lots!! Wow!! Bludge day.

Tuesday 9/9/86

A Life in Words
The Boland Centre was built in 1912 & showcased the department store David Jones right up until 1984

I won’t get to see what Phillip looks like until tomorrow; CAD (& selected Yr 11 & 12 art students – including Mark) are going walking around town during recreation time looking for people to do their windows for Fun In the Sun. Monique Sandie, me & Donna got the best block; Boland Centre, Rockmans, cominos arcade. Wo! Rage! (But I really wanted to go swimming so I could perve on Master C. Oh well! I still like Mark, but I don’t feel as depressed as before (I guess this matter with Phil has boosted my self-confidence somewhat) I’m watching a mini-series (Part 1) at the moment; it’s 9:55. Will probably get to bed around 11:30. Didn’t ride today. Maths exam I failed that’s all I have to say – I’m glad I learnt my content – that might’ve helped. HOPE Dunno if I’m riding tomorrow or not. Want to sleep in. Fun tomorrow I hope. Started doing some speech HW – unbelievable! Exam next Thurs.

Wednesday 10/9/86

Mima & I rode today (Adam, too) Didn’t get any test results back (i.e. Maths or English) At big lunch, Donna & I rode to City Place. We walked down to metropolitan building society so she could get money out then to Monique & Sandie (& Ms Marsland) for instructions about getting “clients”. All four of us had the best block to cover; the Boland centre one. It took longer than most others. Lots weren’t interested in us painting/decorating their windows – but there were still fair few who would “get back to us”. [Ha!] After, rode back to school, picked up my bag & waited for mima. I left & rode home on my own at 3:05 – quite impatient, then after speech when we were talking she said she got to school at 3:20 – lucky I didn’t wait – long time! But at speech asked Megan if she knew P.C. – she said “Yeah” I said what do you think of him? She said “pretty cute” & that one of her friends was flipped over him. That makes me feel really great. Someone who lotsa girls like & he likes me!! 10:40.

Thursday 11/9/86

Rode again. Got my haircut, too – (“much”) shorter on the left side. It feels much better. Rode really slowly esp. on the way home: stopped  & pigged out, let the buses pass us. (Forgot about Saints) [Phillip was a ‘Saints’ boy, so I suppose I thought he might be on that bus and I could have caught a glimpse… had I not forgotten] Got maths & english marks back I PASSED MATHS!! I had thought without a doubt that I’d have failed but I passed!! 17½/30!! Great! [Great? It’s funny how my attitude towards schoolwork changed when I moved to Cairns High. At my primary school and during my junior High years at Smithfield, barely passing would have crushed me.] And english I thought I failed – but I did better than last semester! 8/10!! Wo! Great day! I think I’m gonna hafta forget Mark I only wish what I see & believe to be was true. I wish. But I’m also extremely curious to see Phillip C too. Fete tomorrow! That will decide!! I think. And Mark will be there too. He doesn’t talk or even look at me anymore. Probably hates my guts. Why, though? Bastard. I love him so much tho [Haha, these mental processes smack of schizophrenia!] 9:55. get some sleep late nite tomorrow. Did no HW again. Terrible bloody habit.

Friday 12/9/86A Life in Words

I’m dead. And kinda depressed. It’s just after 12:00. I saw Phil; Peter came up and was talking. How embarrassing – what could I say or do? I felt sick. [Nerves] (He (Phil) was cute/gorgeous, but it’s made no impact on me. I’m still hopelessly devoted to Mark, who I’m sure doesn’t like me) [I know this reaction is based in Fear: “better the Devil you know” is an extremely apt expression in this case] Oh, I even danced with him (& Fiona & Keith & Justine) but that was it. A pity. I do like him so much. I wore my new blue shirt which I got at lunchtime today (walked to town with Sandie and Monique) & blue & white striped skirt (found out they were the perfect match (in colour) UNBELIEVABLE!!) No HW except english & speech this weekend and I intend to get them done speech exam next Thursday. SHIT. Fete itself was boring – dance was OK. Tired. I feel terrible. I ignored Phil all night & moped around after Mark. Why am I such a loser? [No comment!]

Saturday 13/9/86

Did nothing constructive, except get my periods, today. [LOL and that’s constructive HOW? If anything menstruation is about DEconstruction] I am ashamed [because I didn’t do→]: I have 3 english assignments due this friday a speech theory exam this Thursday, a biology exam this Tuesday and a trial-run speech exam tomorrow. And the best thing I did today was to read up all about star signs.. [best?] otherwise I watched TV or read…. Was extremely depressed this morning, thinking about last night. Y’know how we were all dancing together ..well I think – I’m sure I dreamt that Mark said “Remember this?” to me as True Colours was played. Yes it must have been a dream cos they didn’t play that …or did they? Anyway, I can’t even remember what Phil looks like now, except his blue eyes (gorgeous) Rang Fi tonight – talking about Mark & etc. I think I’ll have to be content with being his friend & working my way up (???) from there. Just watched a movie. Is 11:45. Had a terribly dull day – it was gorgeous weather. Wonder if Mark’s at Lenora’s party??

Sunday 14/9/86

11:06. I just watched Superman III on TV.A Life in Words At speech this morning, Megan, mima & I talked (& laughed) a fair bit so our exams took a bit longer than 2hrs – probably about 2½ or 3. Anyway, I ended up doing it out of my notes.. I didn’t know a thing. (I rode up) at home I watched a little TV, did assignment work, listened to music & read. Petra (& Amanda for a while) came up. I like it when Petra’s here. We talk (I told them all about the night I was with Mark) Brings back memories. I long for another kiss (or 10) like those he gave me that night. Yum!! (Not really romantic tho’) I wonder if I’m a good kisser? Ha Ha god I say some stupid things! [Oh yes. Yes you do.] Anyway another fuitless weekend – only wrote about one paragraph more on one eng. assign. Have 2½ english assignments to do. God help me. Mark won’t be at school tomorrow or Tuesday – Geography excursions.

Helium Balloons, Reef Oil & the King of Fun in the Sun (14-20 October)

Monday 14/10/85

Today went quite slowly. I actually did some assignment work tonight – instead of skipping. I forgot totally about that. [Yeah, riiiiiiight! Sounds like a bit of procrastination to me…] What’s worse – I had Twisties & icecream today too. [Withholding names of two friends for their privacy] & I all have our periods now!! At the same time! Funny huh?!! Experiment in lab with sulphur – fumes were bad – couldn’t breathe! [Ok, so does anyone know if these sorts of experiments are now considered dangerous in any way? I can’t imagine sulphur fumes could be good for you?] Got surveys for english. Have yet to ask 1 adult & 2 elderly. Also, some people didn’t answer some Q’s properly. I haven’t slept well, lately. Fri, Sat & last night’s have been BAD. Hope I sleep better tonight. Goodnight!!A Life in Words

Tuesday 15/10/85

It’s starting to become very (well not VERY) Hot now. I am warm at the moment (it’s 10:30. The new mini-series part I has just finished. Is good so far) Today I was hot & my periods are well & truly here. Started taking notes for BP assignment. Am getting the 5 of them done VERY VERY SLOWLY. The surveys we made up for english were collated (by myself) & we arrived at a new idea for the talk – skits to illustrate the points we’ll (try) to make. Got the idea from Karl, Rodney & Warren’s talk. They did it on video – we watched it in english! FUNNEE!!!! Karl & Rodney dressed up. Karl was the woman! Talkabout scream a minute!! Anyhow…

Wednesday 16/10/85

Soooo tired – Still not sleeping well. Just watched movie is 10:48 & I am bugared. Nothing happened today. Sandra F’s birthday. Julia was on the news (we didn’t see her) because of this aviation/something day. Kids all over Australia (at schools) let go helium filled balloons simultaneously at 12:00 noon. The point is to see which way the breezes blow them. They all have tags on them with the school’s address & name so the pattern of flight may be determined. I didn’t do it. A Life in WordsOnly few classes could (Lucy did) [I have no idea what this national project was called, or who commissioned it, and am disappointed to report that I wasn’t able to find these details – or any – about it on Google either.] Did little more BP tonight. in double History today – started 1 assignment.

Thursday 17/10/85

Geoff’s birthday today. Dianne & Kerry came over (before Geoff!) for drinks (I didn’t have proper dinner cos’ it woulda been at 8:45) Had Twisties, cake & ice cream. Eating habits are getting bad again – gotta train myself to not feel hungry like I used to. [Hmm, hunger is natural. Perhaps I meant I needed to exercise more self control?] Anyhow, am gonna sunbake on the weekend while I do my assignment am anxious for a tan of some sort: Kim’s been here 2 months & she’s browner than me. I’m an Aussie! That’s disgusting. [Of course! Men at Work’s song “Down Under” had been out for a couple of years by then and being the international hit is was, everyone knew that Aussies were bronzed. Or should be. God forbid an American be more tanned than an Aussie!] Beka was shitty with me in the morning about english talk. [No idea why] Anna wants to go to CHS too that’s what she’s been upset about these last few days. Still not sleeping well. Having an early(er) night tonight. 9:30, well 9:40 now rather than 10:30-11:00. Still must go to sleep earlier. Woke late this morning 7:20!! Rushed initially but calmed & were ready in plenty of time!!

Friday 18/10/85

God it’s hot – its TERRIBLY HOT. I can’t stand it. We need fans in this place – god pray that we win the lotto PLEASE. I might sleep nuddy [naked, that is] tonight I think. Am going to (I hope) go to CHS too, now. There’s a special art course (which Fran & Astia have also applied for) that, if I pass, would ensure me a position at the Seven Hills Art College in Brisbane. [The Centre for Artistic Development (CAD) was the first ‘School of Excellence’ course offered in the Cairns region. It was for Fine Arts, and a Music one opened at another high school – Trinity Bay – a year or two later. The expectation of an ensured position at the Brisbane art college was fanciful: it certainly was not the case.] Only 25 people in whole of Far North Qld can get in & there is 18 so far. Justine & Kim might go too (cos’ Justine wants to do german & Kim just wants to go.) Went late night tonight – bought a blue hat a pretty large bag & 2 prs socks & notebook. watched American Werewolf in London on TV – god did they modify it!! soooooo much!! [I had forgotten about the censorship on ordinary television back then. Of course!! Nearly every movie with explicit language, violence & sex was edited for airing on TV. Amazing how quickly things change. This kind of censorship would be unthinkable in this day and age.]

Saturday 19/10/85

Waste of time day. I got up had brekky & fussed around. Finally got out & tanned for about ½hr – I went browny black! Not funny! I thought the Reef Oil had stained my skin (but I’m only burnt now – around hips (top ‘o’ thighs) & low chest area.) A Life in Words[What’s that skin cancer advertisement say? “Tanning is skin cells in trauma”?] Otherwise, watched TV & did HW. Manda & Janelle came around. Amanda’s had her hair cut again – it looks great. Kinda like how I wanted mine IS STILL SO HOT! I needed (took) 4 showers (cold) today! Just watched “Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind” by Steven Spielberg. Movie is okay – but the end part is EXCELLENT so touching! DAD WON KING OF FUN IN THE SUN!! great he gets heaps of prizes + 30% of the funds he earned

Sunday 20/10/85

Boring day – finished BP research but did no more assignment work. TERRIBLE. Ate heaps today – am very ashamed. Went to procession – were a bit late. Dad didn’t even see me! Riccardo, Larry & Chris M did but pa didn’t. Blind!! Julia went to Green Is for Matthew C’s birthday so we picked her up after parade – went to Munro Martin Park. Found dad. A Life in WordsDidn’t stay long: had a quick walk around. Is very small this year – the parade was also very short. Met Jemima & DUN-UN-UN-AH!! Fiona was NOT with her. miracle. She obviously doesn’t know I’m going to CHS. Watched “Endless Love” on TV. Is so good. I hope my love is as strong as that. [I was such a romantic. I probably still am, under the layers of concrete applied by each failed relationship/encounter in my life. The ‘hardened’ version of me chooses to describe it as being ‘realistic’. Ha!]

Abandonment, Rejection & “Skin-Deep Crankiness” (7-13 October)

Monday 7/10/85

I HATE SCHOOL Lucy’s definitely (100% sure) she’s going to boarding school next year. Megan (Anna’s friend’s) 100% sure she’s off to Sydney & FIONA is 99% sure she’s going to CAIRNS HIGH. [Uh-oh, abandonment issues] She says it’s because the subjects here are stupid. At Cairns High she wants to do German or Geography. A Life in WordsShe could easily do them here (I checked tonite) She went to the optometrist at lunchtime. Anna’s & Fi’s mum’s Birthdays today. Still Ratshit weather. Didn’t do any HW – xept science tonite. 8 weeks this semester for us – 10 for others. Kim wants to come on the Mulgrave Camp now. Hope she can get in & be put in my group. I need some ‘friend’. [Definite fear of the Unfamiliar. While I really enjoy my own company now, I have to admit there are things I still dislike doing on my own.]

Tuesday 8/10/85

Anna & Fiona rode today. Fiona said “Anna organised it.” and Anna said “I forgot all about you..” Nice, huh? So I minded the usual seat only to find no one got on. They never tell me anything so to get back at ‘them’ the only way I can, I’ll not tell them anything I do/get etc. [Oh the vengeance!] Kim isn’t in group 3 but she’s in the camp after all (group 1) Had another meeting today (unscheduled) to sort out menus “once and for all”. We’re buying as a group but I’m going to bring lots of my own stuff. Still haven’t got my periods. Mum said they delay when you worry, so I’m trying not to. [One of my earliest lessons about how Stress can affect you physically.] If I get them any later than Mon. I’m in trouble

Wednesday 9/10/85

Gord, this week’s going slow. Were gonna ride today (Anna, Fi & me) but Fi rang in the morning to say they were both too tired. I’m sick of school already. I want it to go fast. I wanna stay at dad’s this weekend, again – to work & also for the places to go out for Fun in the Sun events (Oktoberfest) [I was such a conflicted creature – so socially driven and yet painfully shy] He said I can work – but nothing about staying over. Mum’s at a National Trust Meeting. Geoff rang suddenly at 7:00 to tell her. Poor woman, she’s sick/ill. Did all HW today. Still haven’t started any assignments – I find it hard to work on them on weekdays, unless under pressure. Gosh I think I’ll get a bigger diary next year.

Thursday 10/10/85

Anna & Colleen are having a joint birthday party. Colleen’s inviting her friends – Fran, Nikki, Trudi etc & Anna’s inviting hers – Polly, Jemima, Fiona. Goes to show who she really likes doesn’t it? The worst thing is they’re trying to hide the fact that Fiona & Jemima are invited & I (and the others) aren’t. [Feeling a good deal of rejection this week All lending to my inferiority complex.] I think Lucy notices too. (She was being extremely nice to me on the bus.) Exams start on the 20th Nov. Break up on the 29th. Come back on the 5th Dec to get our Junior Certificates. Fiona was strangely↔acting today. Prob’ly shitty with me about something. Week is going still so slow. Wanna work & spend weekend at dad’s. I have soooo many assignments – not funny

Friday 11/10/85

Watched 2 TV movies tonight The first was a (sad) love story. BEAUTIFUL!! And the late one was a comedy – all right. Have now 2 History assignments, 2 english & a BP – (5) in all. SHIT! Drive me bonkers! Woke early this morning – slept badly last night – hot, woke every time I rolled over I think!! This morning when I left the house for school after Julia; I glanced over at the park and saw a tall, dark-haired figure walking across to Mark’s NEVILLE lives in Cassowary St now. OH no! I caught up to Julia, but she didn’t see him. On the bus, when we passed their stop (I had described him to her) she saw him and went ‘Err!’ & screwed up her face. Don’t blame her – he’s ugly. Also had my viewing/listening english test. Yuk mucked it up

Saturday 12/10/85

Feel not too tired, but there is crankiness lurking skin-deep. Dad came around 9:15. A Life in WordsAt work today did about 5¾hrs on & off + 49 drums so I got $35.25 Dad can’t afford to give me the money now (so he says) but he’ll have it to me “by Thurs or Fri..” There’a new electric typewriter at work, too. I couldn’t stop mucking ’round with it. FUN! But it tried tapping into it’s memory bank etc but very unsuccessfully. [Now what the hell would I have wanted to do that for?] At Dad’s just watched TV. The movie was good. Is about 10:45. We have to get up & make brekky so we can get to the Octoberfest early in the morning. Didn’t go tonite cos Dad & Jenny were too tired. I am too. I think I need some solid 8HRS sleep

Sunday 13/10/85

I’ve got THEM! Yes, I’m soooo relieved!! I thought I had no hope left – was even thinking to myself “skip one, skip one, skip…” but now all is well! GREAT!! Today was boring. At dad’s woke around 7:30-45 and had to make dad’s brekky at 8:30. Everyone (except me (& Jackie went to the shop – hideout’) worked in the garden, then Dad, Jenny & me drove down & had a swim at the beach (quickly) Went to Oktoberfest around 1:00. I ATE SO MUCH – 2 hotdogs & 2 pastries & 2 drinks (went home around 6:30) then had ¼ pie for tea [if I guess correctly, that’d be a quarter of a family sized meat pie] + choccy ice cream – VOMIT. [That doesn’t mean I actually did spew of course. I couldn’t be bulimic if I tried…and I did try at some stage but tickling my tonsils never resulted in a ‘solid rewards’. I had – and kinda still do have – an Iron Gut.] I’m gunna start rope skipping in the arvy’s to lose weight. At the Festival – hardly anyone there really boring – Jackie had to go in “PERFECT MATCH” and she won!! This fat (well not really) & ugly (YES!) guy of 20 yrs is her date to the Pacific International Hotel Restaurant POOR GIRL

Kuranda, Mission Beach & a Kick Up the Bum (30 September-6 October)

Monday 30/9/85

A Life in Words
Tourist train to Kuranda

My sore throat is still present. I have a little mucus problem, too. Also when I rode with Fi today I got some headaches. When I rang Jenny (dad didn’t answer first) she said what I have sounds a lot like wot dad’s got & he’s not feeling even 90% Watched TV today. Fi rang about 12:30. Beka, Julia, her & I are going to Kuranda tomorrow. Yes, I still will get mum brekky in the morning. She has to work tomorrow, anyway. So Fi & I rode to Freshy Connection & got details, then to Beka’s to give her the details (stayed there over 1½hrs! Had a frenzy too) Will wake around 5:30 tomorrow (before mum) to prepare her meal. Train comes back (last train) at 3:00, so I’ll have time to make her birthday cake, dinner &/or dessert! (Hopefully!) It’s a pity Geoff won’t be there tomorrow. She’s quite (she will be) upset about that.

Tuesday 1/10/85

MUMMY’S B’DAY!!

Boy, do I feel terrible. SPLITTING headache – no sore throat – but a cough – when I breathe in, it “tickles” me & I must cough. No GOOD for my headache…WOE!! Woke at 5:30 to get mum her tea & toast and breakfast but she was already awake so went sent her back to bed. We also made our beds & hers, & unstacked the dishwasher only to find that it wasn’t a clean load! Orr! At Kuranda, it was boring (things to do) but was fun (we laughed & joked all the time.) Fairly neat weather – most of us got pink on the shoulders (Anna came too). Am sooo tired – just been to Pizza Hut for mum’s B.day tea. Feel even sicker now

Wednesday 2/10/85

A Life in Words
Me @ Mission Beach

Didn’t leave til 5:45pm for Mission Beach. Lucky that we got here at all. Mum went to work – we watched TV most of the day. Julia doesn’t want to be here. I’m starting to regret it, too. Just little things which annoy me. But tonight I “got wat was coming to me” according to Geoff. He blew ME up for making noise, being inconsiderate etc & gave me a hefty, hard kick up the bum (arse) it hurt. [Wow, in this day and age that’d be almost criminal. Any wonder I never grew fond of him.] He thinks he’s so cool, well he’s a shithead. Anyway got here thru rainstorms etc. Hope weather fines up. Stupid package Ian only sent yesterday no wonder it’s not here. But the ship is only leaving on Sunday now! [I have absolutely NO idea what this is about. No idea who Ian was, what the package may have been, and how there is a ship connected to it all. That’s pretty ‘funny’.]

Thursday 3/10/85

Windy & overcast today. Went to beach – came (almost) straight back cos’ was very windy & not sunny. Had a few showers, but nothing heavy. Slept terribly last night. Woke coughing. Have now got my sore throat again as well as the cough. But woke & couldn’t get back to sleep (hysterical coughing fits) Finally did, only to wake around 6:00. TOO BAD. Went for a walk to Tam O Shanter. [At that time, Tam O’Shanter was THE resort in Mission Beach – the only one. So we went to check out the Luxury.] (Long) Got a big (intense) headache. Lazed around arvy. Went to pub for tea. Geoff got shitty – tough with me again. Even mum told him to “Lay off”. [I actually remember this moment. She wasn’t  confrontational, so this reaction is a great example of her maternal protective instinct. Maybe it was moments like this that led to my belief that their relationship failed because mum always put us – my sister & I – first?] OH well. Early nite. I hope the air mattress doesn’t go flat again. Julia’s sleeping on it too now.

Friday 4/10/85

↑ It did. [That is, the air mattress. Did deflate!] Woke up, had brekky & left. No last goodbyes, no visit to the beach; just packed up & left around 10:45. Took awhile to get to Whiterock. Stopped in at the Dunstan’s & spent about 3hrs there. Then at home had takeaway tea. Justine rang & I missed her so I rang her back at 7:05 She asked me to go to the movies (to get to her place no later than 7:40) Got there around 7:35. Saw BACK TO THE FUTURE unreal & (believe-it-or-not) at the odeon cinema we actually got another movie with it. [The Odeon Cinema and Cinema Capri were the only movie theatres in Cairns at that stage, and the Odeon was the larger of the two. It had been the first cinema to drop the ‘double-billing’, the Cinema Capri maintained it for longer in order to continue attracting patrons.] FLETCH. A Life in WordsThe one “State Affair” [unsure if that actually was ‘state’ – couldn’t decipher my handwriting, and it seems strange because I don’t ever recall a programme or anything by that name. But that doesn’t mean anything either – my memory isn’t brilliant] has been raving about. Both TOP movies. Excellent. Loved ’em! UNREAL!! 1 problem today: haven’t got my periods yet they were due Wed. Hope I don’t get ’em on the camp

Saturday 5/10/85

Woke early – rang dad. Spent morning cleaning my room, doing leftover HW & fixing up my noticeboard. (looks good, I think!) Then, around 1:30, 2:00 had a bath & packed for dad’s. Went to the 1st inaugral Boat Show. (dad was selling raffle – “art union” – tickets for the King Quest.) at around 4:30. [The local annual festival in Cairns, then called “Fun in the Sun”, used to crown a ‘King’ each year. I can’t remember whether you self-nominated or not, nor whether the winner was literally “people’s choice’ or chosen by a ‘committee’.] Was boring – but fun! Saw Tim’s friend gary S. Stayed till about 9:30 Drizzly, windy ‘n’ cold. At Dad’s watched the late movie & Anthony, Jacki, Julia & I talked till about 1:30. Fun Day. 1 GLORIOUS DAY LEFT [of holidays]

Sunday 6/10/85

Woke around 8:00, I think, but dozed untill I ‘awoke’ to the sounds of the James Hardie 1000 on TV. [Now called simply the ‘Bathurst 1000’, Dad watched this ritualistically every year. But then, I suppose the majority of Aussie blokes do.] A Life in WordsJust watched that all morning up untill about 2:30-3:00 when we finally went back in to the Boat Show. This year’s Fun Run was so Stupid. [The ‘Fun in the Sun” Fun Run, that is] Such pooR organisation (dad was commentator.) I saw David S (he did well) & his brother & father & Glen C & John C. I think he might find me “attractive” (believe it or NOT) when I looked at him, he’d often be looking at me. And not only today. All other times in the past, too. he’s nice! After, got a hot dog. Sat for awhile, then left. Got home around 7:15. Watching movie (shouldn’t) umah

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Fun in the Sun (8-14 October)

Monday 8/10/84 

The thong I wore today kept rubbing against the cuts. Not many people asked me what happened, surprisingly! Mr Howard let me in the lab, even tho’ I only had 1 leather shoe on. Religion so only 1 period of science. [Wow, I don’t remember any religion lessons at high school? Interesting that it was Science that had to take the back seat…] Chilly wind & overcast but I love it, House is coming along nicely. Louvres in bedroom & front door is on. Pretty good day at school!!!

Tuesday 9/10/84

Nothing much happened today – Pretty “straight”. Wore a non-stick pad over me cut. Is not gonna heal, I know. Got on bus early again (love doing that!) Toni & Natasha are away. Think Natatsha has Toni’s fever. Can’t wait for the Bluelight!

Wednesday 10/10/84

Don’t think I’ll need a thong tomorrow. Last nite did wonders! Left the bandage off and HEY PRESTO! My foot’s almost healed! I can walk on it but from limping the last 3 days, I’m in the habit. Even the cut is now a scab! Lucy bought her dog to speech – after speech went to shop. mum saw a car crash today. An old man (78yrs) died at Aeroglen Drive T-Junction of the Highway near BBC Hardware & Food Barn.. Poor bloke. I feel so sorry…

Thursday 11/10/84

Got a shirt from a different op-shop was $4.50 whereas the one I wanted at the other shop was $1. Got my white shoes too (Like my black flatties) Breakdancing finals was tops!! xcept sometimes couldn’t see a thing cos’ people would stand up in front. Mim found Glenn – they had a good time. He kissed her on the cheek several times but that was all – it was UNREAL!! [I’m fairly sure that I’m referring to the Breakdance Comp here and not the kissing action]

Friday 12/10/84 A Life in Words

Alright today. Got on bus early still; I had shoes on & was walking properly! Have a splitting headache cos I’m excited ’bout the Bluelight. Can’t wait!! BAD false alarm today. Got a really bad pain down near my kidneys. Thought it was my you-know-whats. [Uh-huh. Clearly had no ideas where exactly my kidneys were situated in my body…] HEART ATTACK!! Had laughing fits in History. It has been rumoured that Mr Howard was the other driver in the fatal crash which mum saw. He was at school (but officialy still on sick-leave) & was alright. Had a fire alarm. Have gone crazy over Inspector Gadget now!! A Life in WordsSLOWEST week I have ever known! Bluelight was alright. Toni, Karen & Lucy went for 1st time but we ignored them. Remember 1st Bluelight you went to?? & Mark gave you the funny, sincere look? Well he did it again!! So I can’t wait for Justine’s!! (Party) Met Julie H. & Ngaree went (very unsuccessfully) spunk-hunting.

Saturday 13/10/84

Went to the [Fun in the Sun street] parade today. met mim & Fi, Before it. Julia’s float went past – I saw her – so did Mark & Jason. (they rode) &  came back a little later. (I was thrilled to the bone!) When they had to go, Mark said “scusem wa” & I quickly moved. God I love him. John’s nice too! OH HELL!!

Sunday 14/10/84

Just did HW. Then went to see finish of Fun Run. After leaving the beer tent, went to Dianne & Kerry’s for dinner. Watched “Raiders of the Lost Ark” (My 6½th time!!!!)