embarrassment – Page 3 – A Life in Words

Adoration, Shyness, A Fight & THE Phone Call (30 June-6 July)

Published on June 30, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 30/6/86

Actually felt sick & didn’t want to come [to school] this morning, but, if anything, this was an excellent day to prove Mark really does like me!! He was always up in my line of vision (and me in his!!!!) [oh dear, Elissa, that is not reliable ‘evidence’] Sharon & I made some goofs! At big lunch, he wasn’t around so we decided to go and watch the volleyball. got halfway down & saw him there. It looked so sus[picious]→ we stopped walking, stood then turned and walked back up (cos he (& Cameron & Steven) were too!) We then went around under N block, waited till they’d gone & walked down to volleyball (which ended up not being on) so spent rest of lunch hour at [our usual] spot, right in his vision. I was kinda avoiding him cos I felt embarrassed. WHY? Well, that’s just me!! [Massively insecure, which I labelled ‘shyness’ because I had no idea how else to describe it.] 9:02 Fairly early night. Not much HW. Mr Grossetti was away for english – we had no teacher!! Talked with Donna

Tuesday 1/7/86

Mmmm. What a hunk♥ Yum Yum Yum Yum! Stayed as much in view (as I dared) today. In Biology, we were in G block. He sat in front row, we sat in 2nd front – I was right behind him so there was no way he could see me, but, he turned and sat sideways on his chair!! [Wow!] (Cos Mr Short was talking from the side of the room) [Oh. That casts one helluva lot of doubt on your idea, Liss.] But also at lunchtime, I got some good ‘long’ looks at him.What a honey – what a hunk the best body & perfectly gorgeous face – spunk ♥♥♥ Yum Yum Yum! [Vomit bag, anyone?] Did only maths HW – all I had. Am ashamed I have done nothing for speech. Is 9:37. Yet another late nite?? Hunk of the year!

Wednesday 2/7/86

Not-so-much drooling over Mark today→ in biology tho, I (Maureen, Donna & I did absolutely nothing! Big Bludge) told Maureen everything I did on my holidays. Mark was sitting in front again in the lab (Talking to Dwain -or greg?? I think !!?? Dunno!!) and when I was talking about Crocodile Rock, mark briefly turned and looked at me. Wowee kazowee!! Biggest hunk out!! [Oh my God. Really?] Then, everyone disappeared at lunchtime→ finally came back as mima, fi & I took off to Fi’s news agency – skipped athletics try-outs. That mightn’t sound bad (we sat in the back room reading magazines & eating food!!) but we missed a parade where we were marked off. Hope we don’t get into big trouble. [I’ve never really been a Rebel] Justine just rang; been on the phone for about 40 minutes. Is 9:07!!

Thursday 3/7/86

What a bloody hunk!♥ Sat in the same row (1st row) as him today in biology. I was on the end & there was Maureen, Donna & (then) Greg between us but he was unperturbed. He has such a penetrating gaze. Sometimes I was caught out and didn’t know what to do. He is such a hunk. I wish things would speed up. [Hmm, ever heard of ‘being proactive’?] Sharon’s not talking to me for some reason. She hurt me (not physically) today. Cutting remark about my shyness “If you want to blow your chance then I’ll have nothing to say about it.” [She’s clearly exasperated by my lack of initiative.] Bitch. That hurt me cos I know its true. [Exactly] I am shy & I probably will lose my chance cos of it. Otherwise it was a fair day. I try to tell myself to keep looking at him often as possible but… easier said than done. 8:33. Early night cos the bags under my eyes are getting bigger & blacker

Friday 4/7/86

Fat lot of good going to bed at 8:30 did me: didn’t’ get to sleep till around 10:30.. then slept restlessly & woke around 5:30-6:00 And Sharon has pushed things too far. Bad day today. So weak & tired this morning; then I was the only one standing on the bus. But worst of all: I (still hurt about what she said) ignored Sharon this morning so she got shitty. Then mima asked me what was wrong – I couldn’t help it – the tears sprung up & Fi told her. Mima saying how much of a bitch she was Linda & Justine ‘comforted’ me too. So I didn’t say another word to her all day. After last period chemistry, Linda told me how, in 6th p. choral music, Sharon told her everything. EVERYTHING – I like Mark, Mark likes me etc. After talking Linda said she wouldn’t tell. I know she won’t but if Sharon told her… there’s no doubt she’ll spill the beans to everyone to hurt me more. 8:53 See if I can get some sleep tonight. Julia went to see Police Academy III with some friends; Cherie & Melinda are staying over. Big Bitch Sharon. [It’s great to look back at this now and see how I brought the entire thing on myself. Sharon’s comment the day before clearly struck a raw nerve: exposing one of my ‘flaws’ to me – which I actually acknowledged! I should hardly have blamed her for that…wasn’t she in fact doing me a favour? And the rest of it is Karma. I reacted poorly, setting of a chain of reciprocal reactions… that’s how it works. Ya gotta break the chain where you are involved in order to stop the ball rolling!]

Saturday 5/7/86

Earned $39!! Did 96 drums in exactly 3 hours!! (9:24-12:24 = $24) then 3¾hrs making new labells = $15. Not bad eh? Mum took me home. But the big event was… I was getting ready to go to mima’s and the phone rang. Mum said “It’s for you…it’s a male!” I got “excited” a bit .. but I practically knew it’d be Brent…but what for? I said “Hello?” “Hi, it’s Mark.” I FREAKED!! He said “You wanted me to call you.” I wondered who said that.. “nope” I was embarrassed. Apparently he got a message “Mark ring Elissa 552143” I hung up after a lot of embarrassment saying “ahh…sorry…I’m so embarrassed” ..and giggling. Rushed round to mima’s & told her. Then YOU KNOW WHAT?? SHE MADE ME RING HIM BACK!! At first it was hard to talk but I talked for 1hr!! TO MARK!! (And by that, I mean I talked… he barely said anything I thought I was boring him then after watched Fletch.. slept at Fi’s – waited til 1:00 till Brent came….got to sleep around 3:00.

Sunday 6/7/86

Woke around 9:00 – thinking alot about Mark. Wondering whether that phone call will benefit me or not. Hope it does… hope he can say hello to me, or at least smile at me. Hope, I hope so much… we had brekky around 10:30 then mima & I went back to her place (Fi had to work) And went to Ellis Beach. Was fun.. got burnt (but it doesn’t hurt at all!) Thinking about Mark….. Fiona thought that “message” was made-up, ie: an excuse for him to ring. [Either that or one of my girlfriends – possibly even Sharon – rang masquerading as me and left a message with my details. I never found out regardless.] The only thing is.. it’ll be so obvious to him, now, that I like him. It’s not that bad; but I didn’t want him to know initially. [Again, with so much hindsight, this is hilarious. Naive little me! Many people had worked that out a long time ago.] Oh, I’ll be freaking out tomorrow especially… worried about going to school and seeing him.. I am already Sheeitt! I’m watching “Blue Lagoon”. It’s almost finished. Almost 10:30. Lost my digital watch at the beach & Anna’s coming to CHS now!!

Eyeshadow, Music Videos & the Clubbing Fail (23-29 June)

Published on June 23, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 23/6/86

Boring! Boring! Boring! I ate and watched TV. And that was about it. I also got my haircut and love it! All the long bits are cut off! I have a very short bob and the right side is layered short – blending into the bob [making it the true ‘asymmetrical’ style that was the 80’s]. The very first hairstyle I’ve ever been completely happy with! Jeez, I’m gonna be a Norm if I keep this up→ Watchin TV & eating Boring. [“Norm” for those who don’t know, was an animated character – representative of the ‘normal’ Aussie bloke – central to the governments’ physical activity campaign “Life. Be in it.” which ran for many years, attempting to educate the Australian public and encourage changing to healthier lifestyle habits.] M.M.MM Mark! Can’t wait to see him again!! Talked to Petra (she came over) she thinks he’s spunk too. Mrs W also came over to pick up Sharon’s bike HOW BORING!! 9:30 Gotta hava shower yet. Gord!!

Tuesday 24/6/86

Today, after a lot of phone calls, it was decided we’d go to town (some people had specific things to do) and also see “Crocodile Dundee”. Was a great day! Beka, fi, Mima, lucy & me (And Brent sometimes too) walked around and had fun. I walked down to dad and got $90 for schoolbag, jumper & 2 shirts. (But didn’t buy any thing after all cos I couldn’t find anything I particularly liked.) Croc. Dund. was fabulous (again!) for everyone except fi (& Brent I think) it was the 2nd or 3rd time!! Kept hoping Mark’d pop up from nowhere. But it remained→ a hope. Went to Lucy’s after. (mima, Fi & I) to discuss tomorrow nite. We’re staying over – Mr W shouting us to dinner→ we’re gonna sneak out to Crocodile Rock!!! [A popular nightclub in Cairns that was strangely not even located in the CBD, but in a heritage building – called the House on the Hill – in the suburb of Mooroobool.] Ragey!! Hope Mark’ll be there!! Is 9:13

Wednesday 25/6/86

Boring until nighttime!! Made a new glass bead bracelet, watched a bit of TV, visited Lucy and got excited!! Went to Lucy’s again around 5:30. Got hair fixed. Looked great but felt like straw!! [That means there was an abundance of gel used…] Then started make-up when mima, fi & Beka came. They looked so much better than me (not more grown-up just prettier – better clothed etc) Rushed round. Down at Freshy Connection [the local ‘Kuranda Scenic Rail’ station, which includes a restaurant in which you dine in 85 year old ‘retired’ train carriages] we laughed and carried on in our carriage (had wine & mim & I had Kalua & milk) Caught a taxi after (all packing it) [the phrase “packing it” means “really nervous” – similar the phrase “packing shit” which relates to being ‘scared shitless’!!] But the guy at the entrance knew we were only ‘kids’ still we filled in forms [in those days if you didn’t have any ID, you simply filled in something like a statutory declaration before entering the establishment. Too easy.] with false names and addresses [that’s exactly what everyone did, and most likely the reason why it was abandoned eventually] and let us in…. there were only 11 people in there!! Martin G

[….here I had crossed over onto the next page (Thursday’s entry) in order to continue my story. This happened a lot in the future, when I didn’t fill out my diary until some time later – usually the next day – and had so much to tell…]

Thursday 26/6/86

said most had chosen Nighthawkes that night so when we were waiting for him & his (cute) friend to finish their drinks & take us there – up comes Mr W!! God help us!! [Hahahahahaha, That was SO funny. We were MORTIFIED!] He hadn’t told any parents but had been thinking ’bout it & decided he couldn’t take the responsibility in case we were found out. [He had knowingly allowed us to go in the first place] So we had to go. SHIT. Back at Lucy’s, we brooded about it, & stayed up till Brent and Martin G came over. (Told us how packed Nighthawkes was) upset us more, then we all stayed up til 3:30, talked, walked and sat on the gutter huddled up against the cold. Then we woke at 10:45 this morning & got out of bed at 3:00 to go grocery shopping with Jane & Lucy at Coles. Stayed at Lucy’s for tea then went to mima’s. Slept there (got to sleep around 1:30) Watched rock videos Ha! Ha!

Friday 27/6/86

Woke late again today, but not like yesterday! About 9:00 this morning I think. We watched music videos this morning after fully waking up. Lucy left early then after cleaning up, mima fi & I went home, when Justine turned up SHIT!! What the hell could I do? I talked (trying to lie about what I’d done (well, not try)) [I’m amazed that I felt I had to lie. Upon reflection, I wonder if it was because I so often felt left out of things myself, that I just assumed others felt the same too, and I couldn’t bear to hurt their feelings so chose to cover it up instead? Hmmm. I’ve definitely matured in this regard] Jemima & Fi went home and I went to town with Justine – it was boring. Saw Becca G & Anne Marie → they said Brizzy trip was a rage. Saw mima (didn’t see me) so I went home around 6:00. Fi & mima rang mark today while I was talking to Justine!! Shame! But he wasn’t home. I’m also doubting a bit→ could Greg have lied about Mark?? Hope not. And what does Steven B know? About 9:00?? [this last question is unrelated to the others – I would have been trying to guesstimate the time it was]

Saturday 28/6/86

Boring Boring Boring!!!! I spent the day at home. But thank goodness I didn’t eat so much!! I lazed around – bored shitless. Got over 9½hrs sleep last night – but will take more than that to get rid of these bags under my eyes!! Geoff, mum, Fi & I went to Drive In to see Police Academy 3. Was “fair” not as good as the others. Fi & I talked on the way home. she’s not sure but thinks Mark does like me ie: Greg told the truth (there are so many factors that point to that) Also said she’d try’n’ask Steven what he knows. Is 11:03. Sleep in tomorrow (my last time!) Also went shopping this morning. Got a grey shirt!! Hoping to bleach or fade it. And also make-up kit with blush & eyeshadow Green pink purple yellow brown blue white & dark grey UNREAL!! (Haven’t done a scrap of speech HW these holidays) UMAH

Sunday 29/6/86

Well, school tomorrow. I’m a bit nervous believe it or not. Today went rather slowly… it was boring too. I didn’t eat very much but what it was, I ate a lot of. No! I mean what I ate was fattening (and sickening) Oh dear me! It was so boring today that I have nothing to say. Nana came over. Julia (who spent last night with dad) was at work today. Is 10:16 → Trail of the Pink Panther will be finished soon. I can’t watch it – it’s too boring cos Peter Sellers isn’t in it anymore. I s’pose I’m also tired & kinda nervous about tomorrow. After all I haven’t been to school (& seen Mark) for 2 weeks …..

Talking Heads, Don Quixote & Cookaburra’s Corner (16-22 June)

Published on June 16, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 16/6/86

A Life in Words — This postcard looks very much like it is from the 80’s!

Woke a little later today… about 8:00 These late nights really make me tired. Today we went to the beach. I can’t believe how long this ‘stint’ is continuing [the continuous sleepovers: in the past our parents (collectively) hadn’t ever allowed this many consecutive sleepovers] Mima & Monique are staying tonight too. Mrs B drove us into the Gumtree Corner (after we’d cleaned up etc) where we caught the Northern Beaches bus to Trinity Beach. It was excellent. We sunbaked, swam (very little) and occasionally went to the shop to pig out [that i, stuff ourselves with rubbish]. Tim S was there with Gary & Chris C, Jason M, Rachel D & some others. He’s a reject [noun, negative connotation] (tried to get mima’s phone number…) went back to mima’s (caught bus to “Talking Heads” [one of the trendiest hair salons in Cairns at the time]) mima packed and Mrs B dropped us here. We got ready (& mucked around) then went to the Eisteddfod. Marge got 2nd hers was better tho, I think. Otherwise it was bloody boring. After we were to meant to catch a taxi home, but we all (M& H too) walked around looking for a cafe; were followed [?? by whom? what? I don’t know what I meant here] but soon found Don Quixote Really neat. Got home by taxi – just enough money. SUNBURN!! ouch

Tuesday 17/6/86

Woke rather early again. The beds I made up were bloody uncomfortable and slept badly. Today, Sharon rang. mima & monique went home around 10:30 the time sharon was going to come. Thank god she came after they went (I’d told her a stack of lies about what I’d been doing “lately”; she’s bitching about mima & monique especially) Anyway, we played monopoly rather boring and dragged out (esp. cos I lost) then ate big scrumptious lunch and went to shop to pig out. Sharon rode home around 2:00 (athletics training) I lazed round at home. Rang mima and she said we couldn’t really meet Lucy at the airport so around 5:00 Mrs B dropped us at Monique’s. Beautiful house and really great parents!! [Although I didn’t realise it at the time, this was the inception of a new and very special friendship for me. In the coming months, Monique & I became, as her parents even put it, “inseparable”. She was the first ‘best friend’ I’d since early primary school. My very own best friend, so I no longer felt I was playing ‘third wheel’ to Jemima and Fiona] Walked to vid. shop convinced monique not to get a horror [movie]. Another lateish nite again. Shit. I’m worn out! Has definitely not been boring Hols so far!!!

Wednesday 18/6/86

Woke fairly early (about 7:00) Boy was it good to sleep in a bed on my own for once!! We lazed round, reading etc and got ready to go to Earlville after bacon & eggs brekky. Almost got eyeshadows there, but couldn’t decide between 3 sets. After, went to town (mima was shopping for clothes for Japan) met Brent. Dropped monique home & my stuff home. Got out at Lucy’s; mim, Brent, me, Lucy & Beka walked up to mima’s and watched a video. Initially it was strange seeing Lucy again; didn’t know what to say! But was good – told her about Mark!! (she seemed “pleased” enough) Walked home. (Mum’s been sick – but is on the road to recovery and I think I have caught Julia’s cold) Fi came shopping today but stuck close to polly in fact did everything with polly. mima actually talked to me ’bout it on the way to her place (when no one else was there) she said what a bitch fiona was today [only words of hurt]. I’m thinking Jemima’s not so fussed on Fi anymore. [Just a phase. Teenaged girls!!] Clues (??) that she likes me more?? (than before) things like “Mark and Brent are good friends….” [which I don’t think was the case]

Thursday 19/6/86

Slept badly last night. Woke up all the time – throat extremely sore. Not quite as and now, but it’s definite that I have a cold. You can always tell – I start off with mucus→ sore throat from sucking it back → nasal congestion or “runniness”→ (perhaps) a cough. Woe is me! Sharon came round quite late this morning. We played monopoly again, had lunch then both had to relax. Sharon was sick (said she’d caught wog off boy over the road: they trained together) So we drove her home a lot later. Poor thing -she was quite pale. Wondering what Jemima did today was going to ring her, but never got round to it → also had sore (still have) throat so not easy to talk. wonder if she’s talking with Fi again. Also wondered [1] what Lucy did today, [2] when I’ll get my haircut, [and 3, when I’ll] go raging with Lucy & everyone etc 9:39 Uhoh! mucus again. Please God no!! When will I go to work?

Friday 20/6/86

Well, the sore throat is no more → now comes the nasal congestion and ‘tightness’ in the throat→ tendency to cough which makes me talk funny. (my voice that is) [Some – in fact many – would say I talk funny anyway. Now. I have a ‘distinctive’ (nasally) voice, I believe.] Today was my first really boring day of the holidays. Yes, I finally resorted to watching TV. Played cards with Julia. Looked at magazines Did everything “trivial” and totally boring. But, while cleaning (dusting) my furniture this arvy Lucy called and around 6:15 we went to dinner at Cookaburra’s Corner -new restaurant was alright→ fairly expensive. Had entree and main; couldn’t eat more so left early. Went back to Lucy’s for 1½hrs. Talked’n’watched TV. Cold seems to be getting better! (??) Julia almost went to court today about Jenny’s car crash last year. [?? I don’t remember anything about this either] She was a witness. 11:22. Wanna go out and rage. Gonna work tomorrow! 1st time in about 4 weeks!! UMAH!!!!

Saturday 21/6/86

Work! Yes! I worked! Believe it or not. I got there early but didn’t start work until 11:00 or so cos’ I spent time playing computer games on Dad’s new computer. Got $20 for (approx.) 5 hours work. And after; got home around 6:30 mum had gone with Geoff to the Clarkes for dinner (and Julia was gonna spend the night at dad’s) I rang Lucy she and Beka walked over & I grabbed some gear to stay the night after ringing mum about it. Went to Mr W’s girlfriend’s house for dinner then went straight to sleep once at ‘home’! Played a lot of cards!!

Sunday 22/6/86

Woke rather late (think I got almost 8-9hrs sleep!!) We had late brekky and just played cards’n’watched TV. I left just after 1:00 after we’d been to the shop (!!) Got ready for beach party back at home. (I ended up being too dressed up and split my white skirt→ so I borrowed Erica’s denim shorts) Was alright. Lotsa ‘couples’ – was depressing. But the fire and moon kept me dreaming. [You know the trance you can fall into when fire- or moon- gazing?] One time, Steven told Polly to say “Elissa, how’s Mark?” I said “who?” “Mark” “Mark who?” and Steven said “Good one Polly!” What does that mean? [I think it means you were being baited Liss] Does Steven know I like Mark or Mark likes me? How embarrassing. that got me wondering. I thought mark didn’t want anyone to know. Late nite after all. about 11:30. Maybe Mark told Steven at the dance maybe mark does want everyone to know [oh so innocent….naive!]

The Cast of Grease & the Honour Rejected (12-18 May)

Published on May 12, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 12/5/86

He was on a geography excursion today. I caught a glance of him as he was getting on the bus. So the “school” was quite empty i.e.: only Keith, Cameron, Brent (really) were left. “Excitement” about the party – everyone gossiping. Angie J has told all the girls they were only kissing but the guys knew differently. Personally, I believe she did have sex with him. [I really think this belief is half based in jealousy (obviously) but also Pessimism: assuming the ‘worst’.] A little depressing today was, on our way home (we (Fi & I) were in the back seat (“as usual)) & Cameron was too. were talking about ‘loves’ Cameron says most of the guys like Sharon. (think she’s good looking, anyway) Mark too. He didn’t say much about that. But I’m wondering seriously whether Mark does like Sharon or not. I keep telling myself ME MEANS NOTHING TO ME. [Haha, keep going…] 9:40. Jeez, I’m confused. I wish someone would tell me, straight out, whether Mark likes me or not. [Strangely enough it’s these comments that piss me off the most, now. FFS, was I really such a persistently wishful-thinking sook?! Oops, now I have to chastise myself for being so hard on myself! Especially being so hard on my little 15 year-old self.]

Tuesday 13/5/86

It’s 9:52. I’m watching part one of “Gone With the Wind”. It’s on TV. If it doesn’t finish soon, I’ll have to go to bed – I’m bugared. [That’s right, it WAS an Epic film wasn’t it? A 4 hour saga, it was actually broken up into two parts for television. Is it sill the longest (commercial/popular) film ever made?] Rode today. Riding home, stopped at Stratford (Fi got off the bus) & talked to Beka & Justine & Kym. Then Fi & mima (doubled [as in, doubled on a bike]) came over. At 5:30 they left. I did a little HW, had dinner, a bath & went to mima’s to watch “Grease”. Was great. Am so excited about the play! Today I was happy, in the morning. It “appeared” to me that Mark was trying to make me notice him. (Sharon shamed me – talking about him, in the library, and he was standing just behind) S’pose to have been ignoring Angie which made me happy too. But then he was talking to her later. Oh well. On the other hand, it wouldn’t be so good if someone told me whether Mark liked me or not cos if the answer was no I’d be mighty upset. [That’s Life, chick.]

Wednesday 14/5/86

9:55. Riding tomorrow. Stuff “Gone with the Wind”. I’m too tired to watch it. Pity, tho, huh? I HATE WEDNESDAYS so much. Cameron’s hanging around Mark a lot more since I told him that I like Mark. (Wonder why?) It’s probably got nothing to do with that. [Yep!] But I hate Wednesdays. And I “love” Mark (I know it’s not love, but if I could become goods friends – I’m sure it’d grow) [Well at least I was ‘aware’ enough to know that saying I loved someone didn’t necessarily mean I did…?!?] Ms. Black doesn’t like me, I’m sure. Mim & I didn’t do anything in recreational art today. Found out who got in the play Grease. I’m not listed. Either’s mima. Heather: Sandy, AnnMarie: Rizzo, Peta R: Marty, Clare McK – Frenchie, Tootsie is Patty, Steven – Danny, Neville Kenicki, Brent is Roger. Wow. I am tired. Speech – boring. HATE Wednesdays. Fi & I were asked to be ushers for the Yr 12 formal. Have to have partners so I own’t go. Everyone thinks I’m crazy (I know I am)

Thursday 15/5/86

Got a letter from Lucy: am writing back now – must also write back to Fran. News is she’s coming up in June Holidays for sure!!!! Riding to school today I had a prang on Aeroglen Drive: skinned my right knee – that’s all shook me up, tho→ I fell straight over & couldn’t get up for shaking. A council truck drove past & the 3 guys laughed. I chucked an enormous flash!!! [For those unaware, “chucking a flash” meant giving an eyeful – whether deliberately or accidentally – to some one – or more – of things you would rather or should NOT!] Shame. I went to the doctor’s this arvy too. Dr D said my nose is normal – the only way to rid nasality is speech exercises [read: I had a “lazy soft palate” so had to exercise the muscle – like any other weak muscles in the body] and I’ll just have to keep using my Becotide (until hopefully I grow out of my allergies) 9:35. I was kinda bored – unsettled today. I don’t want to do this ushering – but Carla reckons it’s an honour – so I can’t back out. What the fuck will I do?? I won’t get a partner. Am tired. I think. Kinda pissed off. Asked Mark a Q in Bio today. Barely answered

Friday 16/5/86

The “ushering” thing pushed me to my limits today. Spent almost whole lunch hour with Carla, Clare, Maureen B, & Heather, trying to decide what to do. I didn’t want to but according to Carla it was an honour – and I couldn’t refuse. But I have. I got so upset at the end – talking to Fi, that my eyes watered & I didn’t go to the dancing in tutorial. I am not going. It is part to do with Steven (being my partner, cos I don’t really know him well) but mostly in-confidence. i.e.: not enough. [Again, at least I was aware of and honest about my ‘failings’] Cameron couldn’t believe (& Brent) that I backed out. It’s almost as if he really wanted me to go. Ha! Anyway I’m not. It’s 10:15. Went late night: bought pr men’s PJ’s (snuggy!!) & fantastic new adidas sandshoes. I LOVE THEM!! In Coles, talking to Maureen – she offered me a job. think I might take it up, next time. So many people came up & said Hi. But I didn’t see Mark at all. BOO HOO. Also, in the carpark, I dropped a whole bag of oranges!! SHAME!! I couldn’t stop laughing: Torstein & this cute guy were doing trolleys helped me pick them up. HOW EMBARRASSING! ALSO – went to Freshy Pub with Geoff 4 tea. I didn’t eat. [??]

Saturday 17/5/86

Earned $23. Yes! I am getting my normal $4 rate – but I’ll still ask Maureen about a job at school on Monday. Boring. Rushed home, rushed & got ready & rushed to pick up Nana to hurry & get to the Railway Station on time to pick up mum’s uncle (nana’s husband’s brother) [This took me a moment to work out: my grandmother was married twice, but this particular man would have been mum’s real (blood) relative – the brother of her father, whom I never met. Mum’s dad (my grandfather) died while mum was a teenager. Coincidentally, so did my father’s mother (my grandmother on the other side) Beginning to realise that there has been a fair bit of ‘premature death’ in my immediate family unit]. That took bloody 10 mins. Rush for nothing! Then we dropped Nana home & at the moment, I’m still writing Letter to lucy while watching Saturday Night Fever on TV (again) 10:22. I wish I could hurry & finish the letter. I’d like to get to bed – have heaps HW for tomorrow. Wanna get it done.

Sunday 18/5/86

“Officer & A Gentleman” will be finished soon, I think (I hope – it’s 10:42) Today, I did a bit of chemistry, maths & english HW. Just bits. But I’m glad I did do some of my english – at least I know where I’m at with my assignment. —Yes!! Now it’s finished and I love it! (the movie) now it’s 10:51. Pretty Cool tonight (i.e.: cooler than usual – and the usual is pretty cool now) Wrote to Fran today. Also ate quite little, thank god. But I’m tired. I think. I must’ve down something to my waist/hips/ribs when I fell off my bike, cos ever since then, around my waist, hurts when I laugh, etc (also had sore muscles esp in my right upper arm) maybe I pulled muscle?!! [Ya think?] School. I can wear my fab new shoes. Love ’em: just like Lucy’s and Rebecca G’s. LOVE THEM!

The Mannequin & the Ancient African Queen (17-23 March)

Published on March 17, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 17/3/86

Guess who was a snob today? I walked down to art, passed him (in a crowd of people) he looked but face was the usual scornful look – no’ expression. I smiled partially. [Definitely one of those begin-to-smile-then-realise-the-recipient-isn’t-going-to-reciprocate moments] I had wanted to say Hello. Angie was upset, too. Sandy B said Mark told her he didn’t like her. (I don’t mean to sound cruel but I hope he doesn’t) [Obviously self-interest, certainly no animosity] Also, Keith kinda looked as if he wanted to say hi, but I was too shy. [Surprise, surprise!] In art, 4th period – he came briefly into our class (I was sitting near the door & partially smiled at him as he entered) I do like Mark a fair bit. Got up-to-date (fairly, anyway) in Maths. Actually got my english assignment in too!! Double Bio tomorrow. I wonder if Mark remembered the things we did & said – I hope so. He’s so nice! It’s 9:38. I have the distinct feeling I’m not in Jemima’s good books lately. Wonder if I’ve upset her at all. Heather & Marg esp. H. are being really nice to me now. Same as lotsa others. I’m in good books [I’m certainly not feeling like the ‘goody-goody’ (social ‘pariah’) I felt I was at Smithfield High now.]

Tuesday 18/3/86

M-Mark! Mm-mm! Hunky!! Did I tell you we got the car back yesterday? No? Well it looks good (abit funny tho’, cos all the parts are new & modern i.e. bumper bar, grill, lights & bonnet etc and it makes the car ooh funny – back part old fashioned – front modern!!) Rode today with mima (Fi’s got a flat) First a dog chased us, then got soaked to the bone in a downpour (And I got a bit the same on my way home, too) Beka also called in to give me a belt back Wanted to tell her all about the party & Mark – but didn’t have time. Also did no HW. Hafta wake early tomorrow to do it. Also have to reply to Fran’s & Delanie’s letter, yet. Raining now. I love it. Rain, rain come & stay, never ever go away!! Ha! Ha! It’s 9:36. And I should’ve gotten to bed an hour ago.

Wednesday 19/3/86

I had some good news today. Well, I’m hoping it means good. Y’see, at lunchtime, barely anyone was around our seats, except Angie (M) & Astia & the pop. guys up the end. Terry said “elissa” – I look ’round → he said “come here”. I say “why?” “Wanna talk to you” – I start to move up & hear a funny noise from the group→ a laugh kind of. [yes, clearly the boys were getting ‘excited’ & ready for the ‘entertainment’…] I’m sure I went scarlet & I felt great heat creeping up my neck and face. I didn’t hear who he said but Terry said “… is a nice guy.” Shame! But you know who I hoped it was! (Angie M. was away yesterday [here I am omitting something that is not my place to share] ) After speech, fi, mim & I were talking about … mim said she doesn’t think he hates me (cos we were “together all night→ Bull) Fi said she overheard M & Steven in art and said “You remember the manequin?” “Yes” he said (I dunno how he said it though) [I’m surprised I didn’t mention the ‘Mannequin’ anecdote, but then I was limited for space in my diary. It began on the Fitzroy Island biology excursion, when I was ‘caught’ dozing on the boat ride back to Cairns: when I opened my eyes, I saw Mark & Angie & the rest of the group all looking at me, then (naturally) they laughed. I was highly embarrassed (which is another reason I’m surprised I didn’t recount the tale on the day). So at the party, Mark was asked (can’t recall whether I or one of my friends interrogated him) about that moment and his explanation was that they were concluding I looked like a mannequin because I was so still. Hmm, doesn’t ring true with me now, but I ‘ate it up’ then.] M. is tops. It’s 9:33. Wow!! another late night & no HW done. Wonder, wonder, wish (??!!)

Thursday 20/3/86

I am confused. I don’t know whether he likes me or not (to start with) and whether he likes Angela M still or not. (It’s known that he said he didn’t, but maybe he changed his mind. [It has been known to happen!] Hope not. Hope he likes me a lot. If not a lot, then not at all [haha, “all or nothing”!] Because if I did go with him, I’d be constantly afraid of the relationship ending. Cause I like him a lot & I don’t think I could cope with him saying he didn’t like me. [Oh dear, so much Fear at such a young age. So much …Ego!] Oooohhhhh… English exam I think I failed. It was so hard compared to the ones we got from Smithfield. Didn’t ride today – I rode to mim’s in morning to check – caught bus at her stop & watched everyone at gym. Fun? Nuh. It’s 10:01 on the dot. And I am disturbed. My dream last night gave me doubts about ever (if possible) entering into a relationship with anyone. PS: I did maths HW

Friday 21/3/86

Can barely keep my eyes open. Is 10:20. I am so tired. Went to Nana’s to help her with her cleaning and also change around her furniture. After, went to Coles to get some (few) groceries for us. Mark was there – I didn’t see him until the end. Wonder what he thinks of me. It is so hard to tell. Wish I knew. Wish there was another party. Damn, am so tired – my eyes are so sore. Chemistry was O.K. Tanja & I were able to check some answers but I know I haven’t full marks. Got 17/20 for my english assignment, too, which is excellent, considering I wrote it before school & at lunch-time!! [I was always a ‘natural’ in English] Have another one to do this weekend + Maths + Biology study. I am dead. Work tomorrow. Have decided to ask dad if he can give me money instead of chocolate, for Easter. I really want to get my hair permed. I must also lose some weight.

Saturday 22/3/86

Half-hoping someone would ring and invite me to a party, I decided not to spend the night at Dad’s unlike Julia. [This is exactly what I say to people when I’m finding examples of my “un-familial” nature. I yearned for social stimulation (but didn’t actively seek it out- duh!) Funnily enough, I believe I inherited my sociability from my father himself – I have always perceived him as more of a social creature than a devoted family man. Perhaps this is why, to this day, we maintain significantly less contact than my sister and he do?] I worked only a little – there was not much to do – I earned $21.50. When I got home, I wrote letters – 1 to Fran (short-ish) but the 1 I wrote to Delanie was 8 pages: about 6 or 7 of which were all about Mark, the party & Fitzroy etc. Ha! I’m wishing’! (Bloody oath, I am – no joke. He’s got to like me. Got to) Oh! It’s 10:38. Late night again. And I did no HW again as usual. Cram, Cram, Cram. Have maths, bio study & eng. & bio assignments to do tomorrow. Poop. AM starting to feel tired now. Weather is wierd. All my thoughts and writings (i.e. letters & this diary) are concerned with Mark. he is all I think about. Oh dear. [Yes, oh dear]

Sunday 23/3/86

It’s 9:42. 10 minutes ago I finished a letter to lucy. Now, this weekend, I have written 4 letters, sent 2. Started writing out rules for maths exam. Did a bit on bio assignment (found out most of my flowers are now mouldy or brown) and (very little) for english. Spent most of my time Doing my hair, listening to music, reading about classical mythology and eating. [We had a strange little single volume ‘Pears’ encyclopedia that I loved to delve into now & then. It contained some pretty eclectic info, including a great deal on Mythology, which I loved. In it I actually discovered an alternative origin of my name, other than the boring “derivative of Elizabeth”. Elissa (or Dido) was a Phoenecian princess credited with founding and then ruling as first Queen of the city of Carthage (in what is now Tunisia) in 814BC. I’m guessing that predates the very English name ‘Elizabeth’. Perhaps Elizabeth is a derivative of Elissa?] Nell & Amanda came around. Conversation was very weak – couldn’t get one started. But they left almost as soon as they came. Nana came over, too. In all my letters (except to Jodie & Mike & to a lesser extent, Fran) I have detailed about mark – it has been the major subject of the letters. I just can’t get him off my mind. Am I in love? [Nope] Or deeply infatuated? [Bingo!] Or, or what? [Obsessed?] God I wish I knew.

Falling in Love on a Trampoline (10-16 March)

Published on March 10, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 10/3/86

Julia is sick. Soon as she got home from school – she was talking irrelevantly [?!], crying, dizzy head-ache and after, (almost) continual vomiting. [Unfortunately, I fail to disclose what was wrong with her, so we’ll collectively never know] Mum took her to the dr’s in Geoff’s car around 8:00 tonight. Got little HW. Did most of it. Got letter from Fran. Wanted to write back to her (& Delanie) but didn’t have time. Is 9:40 now. I am not very tired, but must get sleep for tomorrow. Am excited, in a way (at least Donna & Mark W.* will be there (*I hope)) “Boringest” day I think I’ve ever spent at CH. except that in triple art (& little lunch) we watched “The Breakfast Club” – unreal, excellent, tops! And Neville & I talked on our way home off the bus this arvy. WOW!! My teeth are sore. (Only gamming) [Okay: why I would be ‘gamming’ about sore teeth, I can’t fathom, but for those who are wondering what the hell I man by ‘gamming’, it was local slang for “just kidding”] Have a breakout of tiny pimples all over my chin & round my nose & mouth. Not ordinary pimples – like rash lumps. YUKKY. [That’d be Rosacea. I had it on and off for years, but since I really cleaned up my diet, it has completely disappeared.]

Tuesday 11/3/86

Weather was fair for a fair day. Not exciting – but not boring, either. Is 9:30. Am quite tired – not looking forward to Thurs. or tomorrow, for that matter: I was skinted badly today → we were talking about who we liked (Donna, Angie, Maureen & I) and I said “Steven B…” and Mark W was sitting nearby. SHAME Then I indicated him & I think Angie told him later. [Uh-oh…] She was flirting with him all day. Otherwise – I LOVED SNORKELLING!! It’s fantastic! I even touched some coral!! I think the only time I’ll ever be afraid of the stuff again, is when I have no goggles or flippers. [Wow, I don’t recall having a coral ‘phobia’. But clearly it wasn’t quite resolved, since I’d still need snorkelling paraphernalia in order to find my courage.] Otherwise – I’d live in it!! Nah!! I just realised another favourite Pastime!! SNORKELLING RULES!! Not burnt! Believe it? You better! I’m a bit hot now. Got chaffing. And I don’t think Mark W likes me much.

Wednesday 12/3/86

Boring day. Boring. Boring. Boring. I forgot I had speech → was 30mins late. Had some of the remaining birthday cake from Mrs Marsland’s party yesterday. The mock cream I actually liked. [urgh, really?] Think Steven knows. Am sure of it. Then again, could be my imagination, huh?? So. I haven’t much to say. Except that I missed out on 9 sections of work in maths yesterday and our “prick” teacher only bothered to revise the last 6. So I know nothing. But the main reason for my “boredom” is the fact that almost everyone is going to Fitzroy tomorrow (& they’re gonna have a bigger rage cos it’s Heather & Marg’s birthday & they are gonna have a mini-party. And of course I’ll miss out. Life is dull. It’s 10:42. I am dog-tired. Am allowed to go to Sat. night party. [I love how I keep opening brackets and not closing them…because I’ve clearly forgotten – like a goldfish – that I had opened them in the first place.]

Thursday 13/3/86

Boring! That’s what today was. But I did survive having Mima & Fiona not there. I hated lunch time & before & after school & on the bus, the most. I didn’t really enjoy hanging around Donna (no one else would’ve hung round me) so I enjoyed her company anyway. [USER!!!] Did very little work today. Very little homework, too. But this weekend, I must get all of it done on Friday arvy, so I can do a bit of work on Saturday morning, then catch the train to Kuranda at 3:00 [where the party was being held; one of Cairns’ tourist attractions is the original train ride up there, so it made sense for parents to let us take it, rather than drive up the mountain range], go to the party and sleep in Sunday. Sunday arvy – assignments definitely. Angie is a bitch. [Here we go…. JEALOUSY is a bitch!] She’s flirting so much with Mark. Sat with him in Bio today. I think (hope) Maureen’s cheesed off with Angie. She’s a tart. I think she’s trying to make me jealous. [IF that was the case…. SUCCESS!] Is 9:50

Friday 14/3/86

I am tired. It’s 1:20. We’ve just come from a party (a Hash party) and, yes, dad was there too. It’s quite cool (Has been for a while) Carol B lent me 2 pr’s of Dean’s old flannelette PJ’s for the party. Don’t wanna use ’em but looks like I’ll hafta. [T’was to be a pyjama party…obviously. But I’m fairly sure I didn’t wear the flannels after all – it would’ve been way too hot. From memory I might’ve worn a pair of my ‘home-made’ (by mum) shorts, that could’ve passed as boxers.] Walked down to Limberlost Nursery with mum this arvy. Man gave us 20 specimens (or 16, at least) + all their names & I pressed 17 at home. That’s (almost) one assign. down – 2 (english) to go. So I did not get any set HW done. Am excited about party – will [be] tops – a rage, man! On the train, too! And dad said he’d drop me home early from work, if necessary. So I can work too. Fantastic!!!!! Am pooped. My eye-lids are lead. I’m bugared. tho’ I got about 1hrs sleep at the [Hash] party.

Saturday 15/3/86

My room’s been changed around and, Jeez, it’s different! I definitely love Mark W. He is the best! [Here we go…] I made friends with a lot more of the guys tonight (including him) but I think Sharon likes him too. He’s a spunk, he’s funny, he’s nice, he’s lovable. Angie is so jealous, too. [Really?] Sharon, him & I (mainly) spent a lot of time together sitting on the trampoline singing songs. He’s fantastic. And I hope he remains friendly even when he is sober. [!!!] Cos, to me, he’s special (but something strange tells me not to bother (he’s taken or likes someone else, etc)) [It’s called “Gut Instinct”, Liss. You’ll learn to follow it, One Day…] (I earned $16.25 at work today – almost missed the train) He came and sat next to me on the train too. I think he likes me – but it’s probably just my IMAGINATION (again) It’s 12:45. I’m exhausted. Mark W – is the only thing on my mind. Kissed me – not proper tho just a kiss on lips! [So this was it. As close to an ‘official date’ as one can get, to falling for a ‘First Love’. Note: I didn’t say TRUE Love!]

Sunday 16/3/86

Couldn’t stop thinking about last night → Mark & the stupid things I said. Mark, oh, Mark, I wish you liked me. A lot. Very much → nuts about me. I woke at 9:30. I couldn’t believe it myself!! over 8hrs sleep! Today I did work for my Bio assignment. Stupid, huh? It’s not even definitely due Tues. And english is due tomorrow And I HAVEN’T STARTED. I’M DEAD. I’ll hafta wake early & write something crappy I SWEAR, over Easter break I will do at least 2 assignments. I’m so glad I went to that party – I made friends (got to know people better) esp. Mark, Keith, Ann Marie, Heather, Tarquin, Tricia mostly Mark (& Keith I s’pose) Is 8:40 early nite please! Fixed my room properly today → heaps more room!

Boys, Boys, Boys & ….Prunes (24 February-2 March)

Published on February 24, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 24/2/86

Sooooo tired today. Everyone (well, y’know what I mean) liked my hair. Heather loved it. (Dunno if she was for real though – can never tell.) She said it was gorgeous. Melinda B’s party was…… okay. Not bad, Not excellent either. But was good entertainment (heaps of yummy junk food!!) Dropped Brent home as well as Fi & Mima tonight. Julia said “What a spunk!” As soon as we left his place. SKINT! Mima blushed really bad!! (So she said!!) Then later, Julia said, “Elissa likes Steven B.” Thanks, pisshead. Fiona questioned it (of course) Excellent excuse that I’d told her that I thought he & all these other guys were spunky. Hope she swallowed it. It’s true, though – I do like S.B.!! SOOOO HOT today! HOT! HOT! HOT! Is 8:56. Riding 2morrow wake early to do HW!!

Tuesday 25/2/86

Today…Today, um… we rode again. Yes, it was overcast, but still quite hot & on my way home, I beat all the CH buses and Julia beat me by about 1 min. she said (saw Adrienne – said Hi) My stomach is pretty bloated, too. I think I’m due for periods soon – tomorrow, actually. OH!! SHIT. Generally – plain day. Maths was good (I love it) Cameron McK must have a permanent grin – I can’t help but smile & laugh when he says something. He’s so nice. But Steven, well, I think he’s a spunk, but I dunno if I like him much anymore. People say he likes Michelle W, anyway. They also tell bad things about him. [I can’t recall what these were…] Pity. Did no HW tonight too tired. For art, are planning to go to Brissy (& Gold Coast etc) for holidays – the CAD group [like, an art excursion]. unreal, huh?!! Is 8:50 I think people these days (especially young kids) swear a lot more but think nothing of it. [Well isn’t this funny? If I was ‘shocked’ by language back then, imagine my horror now? I actually think that the act of swearing is becoming obsolete, because it is so commonplace.]

Wednesday 26/2/86

It’s a real pity about Steven. He’s SO SPUNKY, but everyone says how much of a bastard he is. [Again, not sure, but I think it related to using girls for ‘one thing’…] PITY. Speech was boring, but after, mima, fi & I talked for over ½hour, before I rode home. Must wake early to do the rest of my HW. Only got ½ maths done!! Have heaps left, too. Also riding tomorrow. It’s 8:50. Gotta get some sleep. Was so tired today ……bad!! Boy trouble – that must be all I think about these days. I’m so lonely. Brent rang tonight to ask me if I’d take my Chem. test results tomorrow. Yes. I would. I’d hoped there’d be something about a spunk who liked me, I got it on the brain, huh?!! Bugared. Time’s going so fast now. Almost 3rd month. [March, that is] mum’s at a tupperware party. I must get to sleep soon as possible.

Thursday 27/2/86

It’s 9:30. I’m hot & sticky. Have just been late-nite shopping with mima & fiona at Earlville. Fi bought a swatch, mima bought some leotards, but the rings were too expensive for me. DAMN. Angie J likes Steven B. Mima & Brent are setting them up to ‘double date’ (kind of) at the movies on Sat. night DAMN. My hands (actually just my fingers) are beginning to peel again. DAMN. I can’t decide between Cameron, Mark & Steven, though I’m pretty sure about Steven DAMN. its hot DAMN. I’m tired DAMN. Riding was good (beat all buses home again) Ran out of Beconase. Wish Steven liked me. He’s conceited (a bit). Pity Pity-Pity-Pity. I’ve got no chance against Angie. DAMNED DAY today.

Friday 28/2/86

9:05 and I’m in bed. Well, sort of. I’m gonna finish “To Kill A Mockingbird”. Pretty ….. plain day today. Jemima tried (is still trying) to set me up with Jarrad B. He’s not bad looking, but is pretty popular/tough & I don’t know him at all. I think (like I always think) Steven likes me as well as Mark, Cameron, Chris (K) and a few others – but you know me – the biggest imagination out. So I’m gonna try’n’skip the movies on Saturday night – I just wouldn’t feel too good with a set-up or blind date. [Funny, that’s still how I feel now. If friends want to set me up with someone, I tell them they have to hide the fact from me. I don’t do blind dates or set-ups.] (Angie thinks Steven’s not interested in her – hope so) Julia embarrassed me again tonight at Coles in town. Mark works there. I pointed him out to her & as he walked up & stood near us for a few seconds, she pissed herself. How embarrassing But GOD Mark W’s a SPUNK!

Saturday 1/3/86

Went into Coles again today. Mark didn’t see me – thank God. I’m so embarrassed from last night. I came home & tried to do my HW, but procrastinated. Went to greet Dad & Jenny at 2:30, came home earlier. They dropped by to pick up Aussie [their dog, who we were obviously baby-sitting for them] and gave us some presents (SHIT yeah) I thought they’d be materialistic (something to keep) Instead, we got lollies, butterscotch, coconut ice, peanut brittle, butterscotch popcorn, candy bars galore FATTENING!! But, by far, the highlight of today was the movie (well not the movie – WHITE NIGHTS) but Steven. He didn’t go in either did Angie (??) But after, mim & Brent, fi, me & Him walked around town, looking for a cafe Found none. caught Taxi home with mim, fi & Brent (Steven got his own) Is 12:10 and I am dead tired!! but happy.

Sunday 2/3/86

Today I ate only junk (the junk that dad brought back from his trip) Nothing good besides a muesli bar [Liss, if only you knew that’s NOT ‘good’] and a lot of water. I also had 6 prunes so I can shit out the rubbish tomorrow. [Ha!] Hope I don’t break out [pimples]. Did HW after lotsa procrastination. Everything but English & Biology assignments. I’ll hafta rush english tomorrow morning. Wrote out the poems & ruled up the pages etc. but must write out the assignment body. Then I can write good copy in english tomorrow. Gee, I keep thinking about last night – I’m sure (??) he likes me I hope. I’m watching “Tootsie” on TV now (It’s 9:52) Gee, I can’t wait to see him tomorrow. Talked a bit, so could get to know him better. Woke 9:15 this morning!! So I got about 8-9hrs sleep last night any-way!