Radio Tunes, Self Talk & A Freaky Incident with My Best Friend (10-16 November)

Monday 10/11/86

I didn’t talk to him; ignored him as much as possible. What am I going to do? Everybody knows I like him – I have to get to be friends ..then – hope. NO! You don’t need him! You can have Phillip C. THAT’S YUMMY! And he likes you. He’s nuts about you!! He wouldn’t hurt you! Mark is missing out. He hasn’t realised yet that I’m the best thing that’s happened to him… I’m perfect for him ..but it’s his loss if he can’t realise it… I’ll be loved by others. And I’ll love them. He can suck! I’ll be his friend (Cameron’s my best tho’) [Well, if that wasn’t a rant and a half. Backflips, assumptions, predictions and precocious self-talk. Ah, the mental dialogue…] My work is getting ahead of me – I’m in trouble! (Art, especially.) Must try harder. Missed aerobics cos of work Did rather little, too! Listening to the radio – play all the good songs at night Yo! ho! ho! [←?? excited much?]  I had 2 pieces apple pie + lotsa chips today! UMAH!!! Is almost 9:00 Nite!!

Tuesday 11/11/86A Life in Words

It’s about 10:50. A special ‘Beatle’s ‘documentary’ just finished. Their ending (split) was so depressing But I love (most) the music. [So did my bestie, Monique. It’s another one of the things that I felt defined her… or defined her to me at least] Today I kept ignoring Mr. Up Himself. Also realised how much strife I’m in, concerning work: especially art. [Really? You’re only realising now? Are you sure? Coz I’ve heard this a number of times before…] (my studies are not progressing either) but mainly my art – have to know what I’m handing in for the exhibition by this Friday. [I came to realise that I only perform under pressure. This leaving-everything-to-the-last-minute only gets worse…] Oh well. Boring school is. It’s going too fast. Cameron was away today. No one (barely) I knew went to the BBQ (for year 11) this arvy. I didn’t! I think Mark did but who cares? I certainly don’t! I need someone to fall in love with – someone who’ll fall in love with me, too. Keep lookin’ Liss! You’ll get there!! God I’m tired!! Broke diet again – 2 extra pieces of bread + cuppa tea + extra pita bread UMAH

A Life in Words
My Bestie, Monique x

Wednesday 12/11/86

It’s about 9:30 (I got a letter from Delanie today and wrote a 15 page one back!!) I’ve decided I feel differently towards Cameron. Was thinking about it in chemistry – thinking about when I held his hand at the party [?! I don’t remember that!] – listening to his voice at the same time. YUM. Then in 4th period art, in the storeroom I was thinking whether I should tell Monique or not. When I came out, she said “Do you ever feel like telling your best friend something but don’t want to?” I said “yeah, I just was!” Outside, I knew she was thinking about guys. She came out with “I think I like Cameron!” I couldn’t believe the coincidence!! She told me she was also thinking about him in period 1!! Coincidences! Something more than that!! It was so freaky – same thing, same time, same thoughts!! UNBELIEVABLE!! [I love this: our ‘connection’ totally swamped any sense of competition with regard to Cameron. Our friendship was clearly of much more significance to the both of us than a boy.] Failed my speech exam not doing it anymore. Did no HW (study) again but worked out art.

Thursday 13/11/86

I got news today. I am very confused. Talking to Duane in biology – he said Mark (still) likes me a lot. I couldn’t believe him – rolled my eyes. He said ‘true!’.etc. I don’t know what to think anymore. He is so thick (Mark.) […OR “he’s just not that into you”? I mean, if he was Liss, he wouldn’t keep hooking up with other girls at all the parties, right? Oh dear.] I know I do really like him still, but my fondness for Cameron has grown too. And Monique likes him. What’s going to happen? I am so confused- I really don’t know what to do or think. My schoolwork is going terribly, too. My art – ugh! And no use thinking about maths & chem. really stuffed up there. Mima told me yesterday at speech that Chris K likes me, too. [I’d nominated him as one of my other best male friends at the party last week] I am so confused! It’s 9:45. Hot. Duane kept talking to me after bio too (I was late for art). He even told Mark the other day how thick he was. Mark reckoned “why am I always the last to find out?” (Concerning me at the party – everyone ‘knew’ I was upset about Mark. I couldn’t believe it – he’s thick!!

Friday 14/11/86

It’s so damn hot! 10:20. I’m still boiling!! Contemplated ringing Mark this arvy – couldn’t think of a good enough excuse – bio exam? (gam on!) Sally’s party? (gammon!) or even apology for ignoring him this week. (Ha Ha Ha!!)A Life in Words I think I’ll get my art done this weekend. Have heaps of paper & pastels. But must also study lots. Esp. maths & chem. esp!! So hot. I can’t believe it .. 35º – I’m not used to summer yet. [Technically it wasn’t summer yet anyway: December marks the beginning of Summer in the Southern Hemisphere] SHIT I’m boiling!! Might take the fan in my bedroom. Kiss. I wish I could kiss someone (who?) I feel like having a beautiful big kiss. Listening to radio lots – great songs at night. [Less TV has gotta be a good thing] Whew! Ragey holidays! Don’t wanna do exams. Yukky Oh well! Gotta do well. What a lot of babbling: Ha! Ha!

Saturday 15/11/86

It’s about 9:10. Just come home from Pizza Hut – yes, I know; I really bombed my diet tonight! Garlic bread, cola, orange juice drink, pizza & worst of all, CHOCOLATE MOUSSE! (Was very rich & I didn’t feel too well for a little while!!) [I don’t know that Chocolate Mousse would have been the worst thing, actually. I think it’s on a par with the drinks…] Am so tired now. Today? Well I did more bio revision. Got fixative [an art product: aerosol spray that ‘fixes’ pastel work on paper] this morning. Have 6 no 5, art pieces left to do. When? Must do chem, at least, tomorrow. Really was hot today – felt as bad as yesterday, but only got to 32ºC, yesterday 35ºC. Tonight is cooler (just) tho!!! Tired – all I can think about! (must put headphones on – “party night” tonight Play all good songs!) Been listening to the radio lots more now. [You have said that. Numerous times.] Excellent at night – play lotsa great music. esp. tonight. Work hard tomorrow Liss. And mend your diet!! Thinking about Mark. I do still like him deep down. [of course you do…] I’m just extremely fond of Cameron.

Sunday 16/11/86

A Life in WordsSo damned hot! Lucy rang tonight! God I’m hot! We talked – I told her my ‘love life’ in very small detail Julia came in my bed last night to share the fan. [Wow, I didn’t realise we were that poor that we couldn’t afford a fan each. I thought we had ceiling fans anyway…despite not having ceilings! We had moved into the unfinished house as soon as it was liveable and mum was going to get things completed along the way, whenever she could scrape the cash together. She did it tough, but rarely complained.] I finally got rid of her. I woke up every time I had to move – so squishy. Anyway, we weren’t on the phone long. She wants me to write a letter before she goes on holidays→ that means no later than next weekend. God I only finished (hastily) my bio study today. Didn’t even start chemistry. Shit & I got no art done on the weekend. (Well, very little) Do chem all tomorrow and art all wednesday – no! Must do maths then! God I’m in trouble!! I’m still unsure about love life, too. [You don’t say? Flip-flop, flip-flop…] I know I think Mark is what I want – Cameron I love. But only as a friend. a really good friend – but my mind keeps changing. If I say only one thing, I know I’m still attracted to Mark a little, at least. I still like to be where he is. It’s 8:50.

Rec Swimming, Impersonation & Great Grandma’s Fall (28 July-3 August)

Monday 28/7/86

A Life in Words
If only I’d had this at my disposal!

My allergies are comin’ again. My nostrils get blocked & run etc. (It’s not a cold cos I always get a sore throat before the blocked nose…etc) It  seems, too, that lotsa other people have it as well ie: there are quite a few others who are having ‘troubles’ besides me..!!!! Also, I have decided that mark shall be only my friend. This is his 3rd week with Tricia. Either he doesn’t like me, or the poor guy doesn’t know when to stop. [hilarious] He’s really stuffing up his chance with me… (yes, I am hurt. Very.) But I can learn to cope with it. After all, I still  want to be his friend & (I hope) he’ll want to be mine. Bio test tomorrow. Ungh! Also got new maths teacher (forgot his name) but he’s better than Mr Burger (I think) Poor Mark. I don’t know why, but I feel sorry for him! Comm. Games. Ha! Aust coming tie 2nd with no. of gold medals – 15. Eng 17, Canada 17. We’re going downhill now 9:35

Tuesday 29/7/86

Great Grandma is dying. Mum got a phone call tonight. She had a fall (ie: fell over) and her health is decreasing rapidly. Mum doesn’t know whether to tell Nana or not; she will have to, though. Sad, huh? (Poor Julia – really sentimental – crying) [I probably should have used the word ‘sensitive’ because we really didn’t have enough contact with our great grandmother to be ‘sentimental’ about her. Actually, this has surprised me altogether: I thought my great grandmother had passed many years before this.] My blocked sinuses are giving me the shits. And Mark? Well, I’m finding it a bit easier to go without seeing him. (I still like to sometimes, though) And thinking more about him, I wondered how it would ever have worked; him one of the most popular guys in Yr 11, and me. It’s unthinkable. Not to mention, his looks compared to mine (ie: he’s much more attractive than me) [Blaring lack of self worth there, ya think?] Y’know what I mean …. Judy thinks (said this arvy) Tricia really wants Mark, really likes him, but he doesn’t like her much. Haven’t done any HW tonight. Will hafta (esp. maths) do in the morning. Too tired to watch Comm. Games tonite. 9:55

Wednesday 30/7/86

My cold’s shitting me off. [Ok, so it IS a cold now?] Today, mima & Umico (or however you spell it) [Japanese exchange student that Jemima’s family were hosting] went with all the other Japanese billets & their hosts on tour on the Tablelands. They had fun!! Meanwhile: we were bored. Short lessons, & after big lunch (fi, sharon & I went to town to try and get Fi’s keycard) had to choose recreational sport. Sharon, Donna & Sandie did photography. Astia, me & Fi did rec. swimming. Little did I know (until we got there)  that so did Jarrod B, Peter P, Nick R, Patrick O’S, Terry C, Tricia & …Mark. SHAME. If I could’ve; I would’ve swapped (but there was nothing else to do, really) SHIT. Oh well. Also when mime came back, she talked to Terry & Nick while waiting for the bus. Nick likes me, wants me to choose between him and P.P. YUK. A Life in WordsJust been to Trinity Bay’s school play, ‘Westside Story’ – PATHETIC!! CHS ‘Grease’ flog that!! [Clearly I was fiercely loyal to my school.] Mark wasn’t there thank god. Lotsa others were tho’! Is 11:10 (Really cold!)

Thursday 31/7/86

Lucy’s birthday and I didn’t do anything for it. Umah! Pretty boring day. (Biology exam was fairly hard; I didn’t do too well) Art was good; have gotten started with my banner & I think it’ll work well!!! And at big lunch we sat in our area; Justine, Marge & Heather & Linda sang soft songs. I almost fell asleep. It was beautiful!!! And, well, I seemed to see a bit more of Mark. I think. But if he was in a position where he could see me, I would deliberately move; hope he gets the message. [Um, yeah. Because guys are that ‘aware’ in general. Pffft!] I don’t want to do recreational swimming. It’ll be stupid & boring. [….and painful having to watch the couple be together…] Why aren’t there more people Fi & I know who are doing it?? (who can do it) Oh, woe is me. Getting sick of watching Comm. Games all the time – only watch the highlights now & then. Is about 9:07. having an early-ish night. Will probably have another boring weekend. Woe is me. [I tend to like this little phrase, don’t I?]

Friday 1/8/86

A Life in Words
My English teacher believed I had the potential to become a great impersonator, like Max Gillies.

It’s 12:15. Don’t ask me why I’m still awake… I don’t know. I’m watching the Commonwealth Games and time has flown! I rang Justine this arvy (mum couldn’t get me a hair appointment this arvy – Monday will have to do) and around 6:30 (6:45) we picked her up & we went late nite. Town was empty. Looked around – didn’t find much to my liking.. some was but I still had doubts. Nevertheless, I came home with a pair of white stockings & a black kohl pencil. Today was rather boring. Spent all lunch hour in art. My banner is stuffed. Don’t give a shit. About Mark, either. Mr G thinks I could be another Max Gillies if I applied myself. [Max Gillies is an Australian comic actor, celebrated for his ability to impersonate primarily Australian politicians. He was best known for his ABC television programme, ‘The Gillies Report’. One of my most vivid memories was of Mr G.’s expression when I first recited the part of Juno in ‘Juno & the Paycock’ in our class reading of the play. I was secretly chuffed that he tended to give me lead character roles in almost everything we read from thereon in.] He really can’t believe ‘how good I am at accents’ etc. Thinks I could be a great impersonator. Ha. Ha. Boy I am tired. But I’m going to Earlville tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll be successful there ie: find a great shirt for the dance

Saturday 2/8/86

While All I bought last night was the stockings and eyeliner, [today] I spent about $47 . . . two blouses – a white long sleeved shirt (the one from Jack is too see-thru) Love it!! And also a black & white striped long sleeve shirt – a bit small around sleeve length – and sleeve (wrist) buttons tight but great as well!! And also some black mascara (thick; really great!) Back at home, I messed around; Did nothing in particular; a bit of (very little bit of) HW; dancing; listning to music; little TV; watching My Fair Lady on TV now. Am tired. Julia & mum are in bed; just Geoff & me watching TV. With my new shirts, I actually still don’t know what to wear to the dance; the problem this time being that I have so many combinations with my new clothes that I don’t know what to wear!!! [Oh my, too many options!] 10:30 already; at least 1½ hrs of the movie left yet. Oh I’m tired. Sleep in tomorrow. Haircut monday – can’t wait.

Sunday 3/8/86

Another wasted day. I read my book for speech, tho. Only have 3 chapters left. Also tried my english assignment. Got almost on half of a foolscap done, [back in the day, before computers, we wrote our assignments by hand, on paper. A ‘foolscap’ was a standard paper size. I’m fairly sure you can still find foolscap paper & pads at stationery stores] but I wasn’t happy with it so scrapped it. I’m just not in the mood; I have the ideas; too many ideas cos I want to put them all on paper, then it sounds stupid so I have to start again. [Ah, this. THIS is what I still struggle with today. It’s my major block to writing: too many thoughts leading me off-track. It’s a HUGE contributor to Procrastination. Lack of concentrated thought/ideas + perfectionism = a recipe for ‘disaster’ in the ‘achievement’ stakes]  So I’ll have to wake early tomorrow & do it. Otherwise I ate. I am bloody ashamed at the amount, too. Hope I’m not going to grow again. Tall enough. Oh well… this’ll be the 4th week Mark’s been with Trish. I’ll have to shut off now, for sure. It’s gonna be bloody hard. Sometimes he smiles like in Bio, someone talking to/ teasing me. He still likes me, at least a bit, that’s for sure. But.. I can’t hold on. I’m so hurt already. what would it be like later?? 8:45

Popularity, Pottery & the Technicoloured Dreamcoat (19-25 May)

Monday 19/5/86

Yet, there is hope. In maths, Chris K reckoned that he knows about 15 guys who like me (& Ben P. knows another 4) all his friends. A Life in WordsChris reckons I’m the most popular girl now. (On the bio excursion “all the guys were coming upstream just to see me.”) Guys say “Have you seen that Elissa? She’s beautiful…” Skint. [Ok, not to belittle myself, but….seriously? Even with hindsight, I’m unsure of this guy’s motivation. I think ‘story-teller’ Chris was being relatively truthful, but… why bother telling me all of this? To put me on the spot. I have a feeling that my bashfulness and modesty was so overt that it was worth the effort to make me uncomfortable, for sheer entertainment purposes.] And also, ‘everyone’ (at least, Sharon, Fi & Mima) has organised a surprise for me at Angela M’s next party. Cos its in June (holidays) I think it’d either be to do with my birthday or what Chris was saying in maths. (Hope not the latter.) But it feels kinda good to be “popular”. [Ego!] I don’t quite believe it actually. I thought he really was bullshitting. [Hmmm, yeah, go with your Gut] 9:30. Talked to Cameron (back seat) of bus today. Pretty good day. Enjoyed it. Am so tired now. Riding 2morrow. Did no HW. Umah.

Tuesday 20/5/86

Ratshit day. Found out the surprise was a surprise party for me! Ha! [Weird, my birthday is in JULY…?] Now they won’t have it!! Also Alan C told me that Peter P likes me (I knew anyway) YUK. And then ‘everyone’ found out. And wouldn’t shut up about it. I HATE HIM SO MUCH. [Well that’s hardly fair is it? “Hating” someone you don’t know at all because you don’t happen to be attracted to him? Is it because of the unwanted attention drawn to you as a result? I think so.] I wish Mark liked me (I have a feeling he’s not one of the 19 who like me) I know 3 of them now; Dwain, Peter & Greg K (??) not sure about him. But Chris told me about him. Rode today too. MARK’S BIRTHDAY♥♥ Never to forget. Fi’s birthday Thurs. what’ll I get her?? 8:42 Early night for once?? He is the cutest (Mark that is) oh, love him, love him love him love him him ♥ mark for me!! [Oh PUR-LEEEEEASE…]

Wednesday 21/5/86

I’m ready for the cold!! Tonite’s min. is expected 13ºC!!! pottery wheelWas cool all day today too!! Didn’t have to do fabric painting today- had a go on the pottery wheels until Megan & this other girl started smoking [IN the classroom…]. Mr Pugh came in & told everyone to stop & pack up. [No doubt he’d’ve smelt it from another room] Megan & Joanne owned up much too late. So we did nothing for the rest of the time. Couldn’t get Fi a present, so went to speech, then bought a cake from Freshy & am gonna take it (all iced up) tomorrow, then I’ll give her a prezzy after school (when I go into town & get it) Cake is choc. covered in pink icing saying “EAT ME! Fiona” With yellow & green & orange squiggles. Really cute!! and yummy I’ll bet!!! Dunno what to get for a present!

Thursday 22/5/86

FI’S BIRTHDAY Oh, I wish Mark was having a party. A Life in Words I feel like partying this weekend. Oh well… ate Fi’s cake within 3 minutes this morning (“everyone” pigged out!) Gave her a “toblerone” & swatchguard tonight at Smithfield’s concert musical “Technicoloured Dream Coat.” (Was alright for a first; glad I go to CHS; smithfield “friends” are biggest snobs out – melissa b, natalie w, ian c, kel b &  shane s) Erica & Adrienne were excellent in their dancing parts!! Laughed so much at their mistakes! (not Erica & Adrienne’s… the actors!!) Today, also, Ms Marsland talked to me about yesterday afternoon & about how Ms Black & Mr Pugh were a bit cheesed off. Suggested I apologise. Told mima & Fi too. They went together. I had to do mine alone. [I’m not sure why we had to apologise when we weren’t the offenders… unless it was because we failed to ‘out’ the smokers, which could have been read by the teachers as an act of  ‘solidarity’? Beats me.]  10:07 by Mickey Mouse watch (my digital one’s stuffed→ battery’s flat or something.)

Friday 23/5/86

Just watched Flying High. A Life in WordsGod it was funny! Really boring day today. In fact probably the most boring day I’ve ever spent at Cairns High. 10:42 (my watch is fixed→ the new battery cost $9) Jeez I am tired. My eyes were really straining to stay open during the movie. Have to do a lot of HW this weekend; english, chemistry especially. Mark is yum, yum. Oh I wish more than anything in the world (??) that he was crazy about me; totally flipped over me. I like him so much. [I so want to scream at my younger self: “You don’t even KNOW him!”] Theatre Night on Saturday night (theatre kids perform) Hope he goes (cos’ I think I am) I’d love it – not that I think anything’d happen – never does. OH I WISH….. Night, Night!

Saturday 24/5/86

“Flashdance” just finished – it’s 11:21 – I am tired – and have a full day of HW & study ahead of me. Exams start this Friday – Chemistry on Friday for me (PES for YKW) Worked all day (well, 10:15 till 6:00) on labels (worth $31 – but got only $30) [Love how my Dad decides on a whim that he’ll change the pay rate or under-pay me whenever he feels like it.] Boring. Rushed home at 6:45 got ready & went to theatre night at CHS. Mark wasn’t there. In fact, barely anyone was. (‘Twas quite boring actually) Eyes are sore. Gosh I’d love another party (wished Mark’d have one for his birthday – maybe he did & I wasn’t invited) OH I AM TIRED. Boring. Absolutely Nothing exciting happened today. (My teeth are getting a (slight) gap between them again) OH NO. Mark 4 me! (Got a new desk 2day, too)

Sunday 25/5/86

Wanted to do lots of HW & study today. Ended up spending ‘whole’ day on my english assignment & even then, didn’t finish it. Ratshit. A Life in WordsWanted to get quotes for english & do all my chemistry HW, revision sheets (as well as maths). Mucked around a bit too. Oh shit. Is 10:07. Watching the Black Stallion on TV. (Hopefully) will finish soon. Am bugared. Chemistry exam this FRIDAY. Shit, I’m gonna fail, severely. Oh what am I gonna do?? [It’s called study, and being Sunday, you still have 4 days left in which  to do some. SUCH a Worry Wart!] Ate a fair bit today – 4 fish fillets, cereal, mandarin sultanas, 3 biscuits, bowl of chips & 2 pieces toast. Howz that? (Sickening) God I’m tired. And a bit worried too. What the hell’ll I do about Chemistry? (And English? And maths) Aaaarg!! [Say no more!]

 

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