The Exhibiton, Its Aftermath & New Aqua High-Tops (2-8 November)

Monday 2/11/87

It’s 2:03 and I’m still drunk. Guess what I did tonite? I paid [privacy omission] back! I got with her boyfriend Stuart! [Just to clarify, my definition of ‘getting with’ is just kissing. I didn’t pass ‘First Base’ with anyone outside of a formal relationship. Well, not for some time…] Ha, ha, ha Bitch. Got you back! [Because that’s what Life’s about, isn’t it? Revenge, getting even? This is Tunnel Vision at its best: whether you believe in karma or not, vengeance will never truly deliver satisfaction, let alone ‘justice’…] Stewart nor Phillip were there (that I saw) I spent the whole day at home, sewing [and] preparing for the fashion parade. A Life in Words[The CAD Art Exhibition & Fashion Parade opening. What other reason would I be so intoxicated on a Monday, a school night? The funny thing is, I can’t recall at what point in the night I began imbibing enough to land me in this state. Check out my handwriting sample in the pic on the right. Hilarious.] At 7:55 I finally left home (everything was OK before then- but at the last minute we found the dress was too tight. I was  so   nervous before, [and] during [the] fash. parade. Saw Mark & Phillip N that was it. I think I have blisters. Wow, I’m drunk. Thought Adam was trying to crack onto me – but Stuart & I got together after visiting Scandals & the 24hr service stn then going to the beach. Stu & I stayed in the car. Uh-oh! What’ll tomorrow be like? [Well, that’s unusual: people don’t often consider the results of their actions while they are still intoxicated. I think we can put that down to my innate tendency to over-think. Hello additional Stress…] Uh-oh! Hell! I’d better be careful. [How exactly?] Must ring Jo early to see how she’s getting there. [“There” being a sort of exhibition-opening-after-party-come-Melbourne-Cup shindig at one of our art teachers’ houses.] God, I’m drunk. Feel so GOOD! […for now…] Jo told me she ran into Wayne C & he said Alan T likes me. Oh dear. [Oh well, you will run around kissing boys when you’re drunk…]

Tuesday 3/11/87

A Life in Words
That’s me in the flash spot, queueing up to model our Cup hat creations. Picture courtesy of a school friend whose photos were trapped behind glass; apologies for the quality!

Embarrassment! Skint! I didn’t think it would be like it was: I was too “ashamed” to look at him [Stuart] even (let alone talk to him- tho’ it looked like he wanted to at some stages) He spent most of the day with [privacy omission] anyway which was good. I shouldn’t feel bad- she did it to me. (I guess I’m “lowering to her level”) (Apparently Jenny M. also knows about Jeff & I that nite, too, now.) [Talk about hot water. You’re really starting to boil your own bathwater now Liss, arncha?!] Jo picked me up around 9:30- got to town at 9:50- Jo bought shoes then, after some trouble locating it, got to Pugh’s… watching the exhib. video – up to Fash. parade. Jo had to leave to model. Jude & I made our hats : judging after the Melbourne Cup- I got 3rd! WOW! Jude & I watched the rest of the video + the CAD party video. Then went down[stairs] with “the guys” to make videos! FUNNY. Left around 5:00, as [we were] watching the day’s [as in, this very party we were leaving’s] video. . and Stuart was on the phone- I glanced – & he smiled & waved. So did I and I felt quite relieved after that. I think AM likes me. I think Elliot’s cute. Found out I have a chem. exam tomorrow – no study – I’ve failed! [Pessimism, or realism?] Dunno what it is about Stuart & decided it must be his smile. Lights his whole face up.

Wednesday 4/11/87

..But the saga continues! Today, Stuart came up (behind me) at little lunch (I was in the Yr 11 area with Jude) and talked to me! Then in 4th & 5th (I skipped english- 6th & 7th) we talked more. He does really (kind of) affectionate things – he came up behind me and grabbed (but gently) my shoulders; at big lunch in the art room, he did something to the collar of my shirt (for “no reason”) – his smile is so cute. [I’m a sucker for affection…] On the Mark front – I talked in biol. this morning, but that was it – I barely made the effort. It made me a bit sick [jealousy] to see Mark & Nicole…but, I don’t know, I’m getting used to it. [Drifting away?] Stuart said [privacy omission] was “a bit ripped up” about me & him & he told me how she told him about Mark & her & me (how many – lots-of times she got with him while we were going out.) So I don’t know if it’s worth going back to Mark. [Food for thought…] So many people say I’m better off without him. . but like Fi said – it’s so hard when he says nice things about me & looks at me all the time. (That made me feel better) And Stuart, by the looks of it, is at least a bit attracted to me (!!) [Ha! The modesty’s kinda cute …but on the flipside, demonstrates some lack of self worth.] He said today (& it shocked me) He thinks [privacy omission] are wierd. Went into town – saw Jeff & Jenny – Megan said she thinks he likes me – wish that was true. Jenny knows about me & Jeff now [Yes. You said that yesterday. It does occasionally happen: forgetting I’ve already mentioned something.]

Thursday 5/11/87

…And still it continues! Stuart broke up with [privacy omission] today. But he didn’t talk to me at all. Jude (& Jo, I think) heard Miss Marsland at lunchtime today, with [privacy omission] a whole  lot of people, say “why did elissa give Stuart those things on his neck?” (lovebites) Shit, I never saw them. So many people must hate me now. […this thought alone would be terrifying… for lil ol’ me who needs to be liked by everyone…] Mark said something about it this morning – [privacy omission] told him & he said “was it to get her back?” He was being rather nice this afternoon. But the strange thing is, he didn’t really turn me on. I hope Stuart was just in a bad mood like Jude said, and not hurt because someone said I’d used him to get back at [privacy omission]. I can understand how much that would hurt him, because it even hurts me. I really do like him. […despite the drunken spiel in the heat of the moment on Monday night, I never seek revenge. It’s just not in me. This was an authentic ‘co-incidence’ whether or not you believe it.] I’m so confused. I rang Sharon & asked her to ring Stewart & find out what he’s on about. [No contact = pretty obvious to me…] And Megan’s scheming about Phillip for me. [scheming? That doesn’t sound so good…] And Mark still loves me – but is such a bastard – A Life in WordsGod I’m so confused. All these damned guys in my life. [Life’s tough, hey? But you shouldn’t really be complaining considering how many years you spent wanting a love life. Wish granted! What’s that saying: “It never rains, but it pours”?] I need to talk to someone & strangely I’d like it to be Stuart (W) Hope he talks to me tomorrow. PS: got my formal photos. Someone rang this arvy but hung up before I could answer. wonder who?? [maybe just a wrong number… who knows? Does such an insignificant thing have to matter so much?]

Friday 6/11/87

Tonite is the first night in (the first Friday night in) approx. 5 weeks that I have not gone out. [I’m specifically talking about clubbing…. or somewhere that involves the consumption of alcohol…] Now I have the feeling that I’m missing something (like last nite- the first Thursday in approx. 5 or 6 weeks that I didn’t go late nite shopping!) [Interestingly, this feeling permeated my life pretty much right up until I moved away from Cairns in my early thirties. It wasn’t always present (there were definitely periods in which I enjoyed a quiet social life) but I’ve certainly had difficulty at times being content to stay home and ‘do nothing’. That’s certainly NOT the case now: I’m  a confirmed homebody – perhaps to a fault…] Too bad. Today was a downer. I didn’t talk to Mark at all (but that’s not the reason) A Life in WordsStuart still didn’t talk to me & even seemed to be avoiding me. It’s not fair- there’s something about him I like so much. I think about him more than I do Mark. That’s amazing! Jo & I went to see La Bamba tonite. Thorstein Darren & Alan D etc were there. After, went to Trinity Wharf, walked round Hilton till had to pick up Robbie from air cadets. Is approx 10:45 now. I’m tired – hope tomorrow nite’s party is “worthwhile” ie: Stewart or Stuart or Phillip. Maybe even Mark. Dunno. Got my deadly new aqua gym boots- [not actually Converse brand, but definitely replicas. Colourful sneakers were just coming into fashion in the mid 80’s in Cairns, at least…]  A Life in Wordsbit small… cause little “hurty” [I had a tendency to wear shoes a bit too small for me because I somehow had it in my mind that my feet were too big. Turns out, they’re actually a tad small in relation to my height. So all that cramping later resulted in a Morton’s neuroma in my right foot and bursitis in my left. Well done, Liss. A ‘win’ for Vanity…] Exhibition officially pulled down. Boring day really. Hope everything (or something) is sorted out 2morrow nite at the party – I’m a  confused little girl. The dream I had about MW yest. morn. I had one about Stew & Phil this morn. FREAKY. [Freaky just because all of my ‘love interests’ were appearing in my dreams: it wasn’t the case that I happened to be having the exact dream, with different characters. I’d imagine the chances of that happening would be pretty slim….]

A Life in Words
Cairns’ original railway station on McLeod Street was demolished in 1996 for the shopping complex Cairns Central, which houses the current station at its rear (Bunda Street)

Saturday 7/11/87

Boring. No, not at all, really! After seeing Ross & Thelma off at the train station (7:15 -erk! I was dead tired) went to Rusty’s Bazaar & guess who! Phillip C was there! YUM, YUM, YUM! Didn’t have time to stop & talk , but I sure made a point of saying hi. He is so gorgeous! At home, I set out to do study, but never got anything done. [Surprise, surprise] Tried to make a white skirt to wear out but it stuffed up around 5:00- too late to start again. phone calls all day. I went to Fi’s and got her black shirt. Seeing as I had nothing to wear (I thought a denim skirt would be ace!) Rang Jude. She had one (rather large for me, tho! Just like Monique’s. I got to Judes just after 9:00, and we waited outside till, get this: 10:15. Finally, at the party (we drank goon) [For those who aren’t acquainted with this alcoholic beverage, it’s simply slang term for cheap cask wine.] there weren’t many people there – Mark was & Stewart P. I was shy to talk to mark & also to Stewart at first, but then I avoided him – I was angry – hurt from what he’s done to me. […or hasn’t done, more specifically; no contact] (PS: Sharon still hasn’t talked to him I don’t think. What the hell is this guy on about??) [With hindsight (& some life experience) the answer is obvious: he’s just not that into you.] Anyway Mark came up to me because I didn’t go up to him. He said he was angry I was avoiding him & I said I was too shy we talked a bit … mucked around mostly. Just as (Jo’s) Mark (B) was about to take us to the Hill, he said he wanted to talk to→[next page…]

Sunday 8/11/87

→me. But we didn’t because I would’ve missed the others. He said “another time”. I worried briefly about what it possibly was that he had to say to me, but forgot at the Hill. Jude & I stayed there. A.M. & Gemila get there not long after us. Stewart was with Jay & Anna etc. and went home nearly straight away. He said hello at one stage, but I made it clear I wasn’t going to be a conversationalist. [Oooh big word! But in other words, you snobbed him…] They left. Adam M turned up & I remember talking to him about Stuart W., but can’t remember what I said. [oh dear…] Hope it wasn’t anything I’ll regret! (Jude & I had an EXPLOSION each -& were spinning) A.M., Jude & I decided on the playpen. Got a taxi to pick up AM’s car – got in thru’ Sequils for free. OK! danced a lot ..group of mods there (the ones who are always at the Hill on Fri. nites – Helen, Phillip) [a different Phillip to the other two I found so appealing…]+ 2 guys purity cute! [I meant ‘pretty cute’, but because I wanted to emphasise the word pretty (through a kind of drawl) my phonetic attempt resulted in a word meaning innocent, clean, fresh. Writing ‘perr-itt-eee’ would’ve worked better…] I ended up dancing with them (at different stages) The one in the white shirt was cute James. Steve ..I talked to & eventually got with. A Life in WordsAM dropped me home around 5:10, Mum was awake. Got up around 10:00. Got folio prepared all day – Did nothing else. SLACK. went to mima’s to take photo of Fat Ladies [artwork of mine her mother had bought at the CAD exhibition] – talked to her a while. Jo’s place later on in arvy – take photos of her work for her. […as well as some silly ones of ourselves – see pic] Big talk there, too. Late now. 11:40!! Been doing art dress (silver one) So glad only 2 weeks [of school?] left! Ring M. today – talk 2morrow at school →was a really great phonecall actually. Mima told me Steve the guy I got with (works at International Hostel – from Melbourne – finished Yr12 in 1986) is one Juliet likes. SKINT!! Wonder what Nicole did Sat. nite? Did Mark go over & visit her? Who gives a ___ if he did?. [The fact that you’ve bothered to write this proves that you were thinking about it, so YOU probably give at least a smidge of a “___”. But, it’s a valiant attempt to shift your attention from potentially morose thoughts…]

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Kicking the Wall, Drunk at the Dance & Moonlighting (26 October-1 November)

Monday 26/10/87

Well, that was one hard exam (3 actually: 15 min english, then 20min math, then 1¾hr fashion design/knowledge exam. HARD!!!) Jo & I then went into town, spent the whole arvy there and at 3:15 caught town bus [back] to school… went [home] on St’s bus ..no Philip C. Geoff was on it- I said hello & goodbye: thought “what if he thought I caught the bus to see him!” [You’ll never know, huh?] SKINT – [privacy omission] reckon’s he’s vain enough (to think it) Jemima & Anna & Danae knew about Geoff & me: gave me a bit about it: if all the Yr11 girls know -Jenny’ll find out for sure, GREAT. [Uh huh. I wasn’t sure whether we had kissed outside the club on Saturday night (see previous blogpost) because I hadn’t specifically mentioned it, but this makes it pretty clear. Jenny must have been his girlfriend? My bad.] Cameron came over this arvy- said he’s not going out with CB, Mima said Mark only talked to Nicole after school; Fiona didn’t see them at all, same as Cameron. I found out Chris likes me (Cameron said it then made it a joke – but I know he meant it cause he asked me what I thought..) Apparently that night Mark & Nicole went for a swim at Edge Hill State School Pool while Cameron & CB occupied a free house there. Cameron thinks [privacy omission]– but he wouldn’t know for sure.

A Life in Words
Unless my memory has failed me, this used to be the Park Royal hotel, on Abbott Street. It’s now known as the Pullman Cairns International.

So hot today! Got quite a few compliments today! Jo & I got 13 whistles, 2 catcalls as we walked past the Park Royale today!! [Wow, to be so excited by sexist heckling? I’m thinking the Park Royal – one of the first 5 star high-rise hotels in the CBD – was under construction at this point in tme… because I can’t imagine hotel staff or guests gesturing to two schoolgirls in this way…] Dad wasn’t there [at his workplace] when I went to get money so I didn’t get any. I could easily slip into the habit of missing school. 2day was fun! [hmmm, such rebelliousness…]

Tuesday 27/10/87

We got on so well today. I felt a little sick (jealousy) only once (or twice) when Nicole was around. Mark & her have hickies on their necks. Mark got embarrassed.. I kept poking them, so they stay longer. (Why the hell would I do that?) [Because you were enjoying his discomfort. It was a minor yet satisfying form of ‘retribution’…] Joking a lot – getting on so well! He said & did some affectionate things. Gave me songwords- to do with him being faithful? I don’t think he knows about Jeffry or even Stuart. (But nothing’s come of those …yet – Stuart.) A Life in WordsHad a modelling practise [for our CAD art fashion parade] today at lunch time. And Mrs McI visited this arvy. Didn’t see Phillip on the bus: (didn’t catch it ’cause had to take paintings to get stretchers) Saw Jeff tho. God he’s got beautiful eyes. when will I give Stuart his tie back? [LOL, that’s right! This was the fashion era of skinny ties for the blokes. Hilarious!] God I hope Phillip goes to the exhib. opening! [Within a matter of seconds I’d had three separate thoughts about three different guys. Distracted much?] Tonite I cut out the pattern pieces for my silver dress & sewed the lining to each. (took all nite) At one stage I got so angry, I kicked the wall (bathroom – outside) & the plasterboard broke – there’s a hole there now. Mum got so upset – I felt really bad. [I remember this vividly. Mum had pretty much always reacted to my temper so well (even though it had concerned her enough in my youth to warrant visiting a specialist and having an EEG to check my brain function…) but this straw broke the camel’s back: because the house we lived in was unfinished, the very last thing she needed was yet another expense to add to the list of unaffordable jobs. As I’ve said before, we were not financially comfortable. Mum worked tirelessly not just to support the three of us, but to build a home, and I was totally taking her for granted. As much as it pains me knowing I upset her, I’m thankful that mum reacted as she did, and forced me into a momentary ‘awakening’: surpassing my Ego to expose some Compassion.] SO HOT! A Life in WordsI am so behind. english ass., art ass.’s, study + revision, letters to write concerning unis & colleges .. I need more time & money . . . [First World problems. Seriously.]

Wednesday 28/10/87

The radio just said it’s 12:06. I have had such an unreal time! I am still drunk, excuse my expressions! Today was really good. Started off by seeing Stuart, although he didn’t look at me, as he talked (riding to school with jay) God, I could love Him! [Um, sorry, what? You “could love” someone who won’t look you in the eye when he’s talking to you? Elissa, come on. You are, however, writing this in a highly intoxicated state, so your comprehension is definitely compromised…] But Mark & I got on excellently. He hung around Nicole a bit, but he gave me a note tonite (“Mark loves Elissa 4eva”. WOW! I am so drunk. I got barely anywork done- I don’t feel like sleeping -just dreaming. Jeffrey was there tonite- don’t think he likes me much. [But that’s okay because I have so many other ‘distractions’…] I asked David to make Phillip come to the art exhibition. I went to Croc Rock with A. Marie, Megan Sharon (slept in the car) & Chris H. I am so drunk – I must ring Stuart in the morning- he rang me tonite. oh I could love that guy but I want Phillip too. I am so confused at the moment I need to sleep. I’ve had such a GREAT Day! (NigHt actually) A Life in Words[I’m fairly certain this was the one and only school dance I went to intoxicated. I have a vivid recollection of sharing a bottle of Stone’s Green Ginger wine (which I hated, but drank purely for the effects) with a couple of girlfriends on the Esplanade before heading to the dance at school. This is the only fragment of memory – I don’t recall getting to the dance at all…]

Thursday 29/10/87

It’s 11:12. I’m so tired, but I haven’t got even half of this assignment done I should get it finished, tho. (How?) I’ll have tomorrow’s lesson to write it out.) I’m so HOT. I had a good day. I rang Stewart [decided to spell his name differently today?] this morning – he said he’d just rung to talk. (I said I thought it was urgent – bad) & he said “the opposite actually. He drove me to school [oh again! That’s so cool…] we get on so well- so easy to talk. He said sorry he hadn’t rung earlier in the week – he’d been doing a lot of thinking. Now, what am I going to do? I’ve told him to come to the art exhib. open. (can’t wait! There are going to be tonnes of people there! I can’t wait!) left school at big lunch (got material finished printed in art) A Life in WordsBludged at home (should’ve started this damn assignment then) Only started after “MOONLIGHTING” [I loved this show. And it launched Bruce Willis’s career.] 9:30 Shit Thank god mum’s got a book on British History! [Yes kids, we had to use actual books for all our research in the 80’s…] so tired. so hot. I heard mice or rats running on the roof just a sec. ago. [We’d had a pretty gnarly experience earlier in the year (see this post) with the discovery of a dead rodent in a bagful of clothes, so I would’ve been a bit perturbed by the idea of these creatures infesting our house again…] I think I’ll go to bed & wake & finish this in the morning. I want to go out tomorrow nite – so bad! (Get Stewart to) Got on really well with Mark – I have to talk to him soon to find out what’s going on – I think he likes Nicole – I must make him “choose”. [LOL. So very naive…]

Friday 30/10/87

Boring. That’s all that can be said. Got to school rather late: Joannah wasn’t there: I went to the library for only 3 minutes! Did a fair bit in double english, but needed to do more work on the assignment – in art – 3rd, little lunch, 4 & 5th lessons! At big lunch Mark seemed in an untalkative mood. Then Nicole came up (Glyn first actually) & he was fine. He sat on the stone “bench” with his legs apart & she leant on the ledge in between them. when mum picked me up, I just about balled my eyes out. Then we had a 1½hr wait at the hospital, […for what?] before finally leaving to pick up Jules & buy some stuff for the exhib Back at clinic at 3:40, & got in to the doctor at 4:30. [hospital? clinic? doctor? What? Please explain! …I literally have no recollection of this.] Home rather late …few phone calls. Sharon & I went to Playpen (free) [free entry] Jo & Mark [B.] were there (Stewart worked tonite) Sharon & I left. House On the Hill was nearly just as dead. Sharon was drunk & cranky. Nigel took us home. [This next sentence proves I had actually written this entry the next day …which often happened when I had big nights out.] I bombed out & felt very, very tired in the morning. [ [“Very, very tired” on Saturday morning, when I woke up…]

A Life in WordsSaturday 31/10/87

Got up & went to finish buying exhib. stuff – I was so tired. At home, worked very slowly on outfits. [Sewing my creations for the fashion parade at the CAD art exhibition] Sat alone while mum & Julia were at Mike & Cynthia’s thinking about Mark & Stewart & Philip -getting all (very) pessimistic. Jo & Nigel came round & stayed a while – I was boring them. When they left mum & jules came home. I started to get really depressed so I rang Mark. I didn’t want to talk on the phone – he couldn’t get to my place I asked what he did last nite – said visited Steven & he & Cam. went to Deanne’s for pizza. When I rang cameron after, he said they went to Nicole’s. He said Mark does like Nicole (A bit more than a friend) so I only just got off the phone before balling my eyes out. Fi rang & I rang Jude. Picked Jude up about 8:15. Got to the Aboriginal party (Mooroobool) [Irene Street, for those who remember. I think it was literally at Kangaroos Leagues (football) Club…?] & heaps of people, but the party was DEAD. Mark, Nicole, Cameron & CB all arrived together in a taxi, so that really dulled my nite to start with. On the lookout for Stewart, but he never showed

Sunday 1/11/87

→Mark had to come up to me first. I was kind of pissed off or upset – I wasn’t going to talk first. Then, I kind of walked off.. he came up a second time, but I did it again. Then he seemed to be angry with me. He was kind of resisting Nicole must’ve said something cos’ she stayed out of his way a lot. Wonder if he was depressed about me? (Don’t flatter yourself Elissa) Brett took Jude & I to the Hill, Mark was in the car -left Nicole at the party. (That’s not nice, Marky) Wonder what he did after that? HOTH was DEAD too. I had the worst weekend – no one, no body, nothing- just wasted money. I talked to Dean L in Victor’s car (drank goon) a while before getting a cab home. Made myself sick, [as in, vomitted] then bombed. At school, I touched up paintings while Jude mounted her work. A Life in WordsJo came late: Jo, Megan, Jude & I went to Kentucky 4 lunch ..fash. parade practise for Jo at It’s Williams (boring). Our practise at school was FUN! After, mum took Jo & Jude here [to our house] too.. they watched TV while I sewed. I did a lot tonite – shoes done, bracelet done. Brown outfit almost totally complete. It’s really late now- & I’m tired. BUSY day 2morrow!!

A Primary Reunion, Burnt Belly & Sydney Sojourn (8-14 December)

Monday 8/12/86

I realised today that I’ve seen or talked to Mark every single day of the holidays so far; until today. Believe me, I tried not to break the record; I rang just 15mins ago – but it was his fault; [“fault”? Really? Your choice of words is…average] he was at Keith’s – and won’t be back till 10:00, by which time I’ll be asleep – the bags under my eyes are enormous! I tried to get a brown tummy today – after 20 mins I stopped. After lunch, mima came down – spent the rest of the day here – we talked & sunbaked together OUCH! My stomach is the colour of a tomato – NO JOKE! A Life in  WordsI’m surprised also – I noticed my stomach is smaller! And I’m 59 kilos!! I’m still trying to ‘lose’, tho’. Wanna get a tiny stomach [My stomach was (& kinda still is) the bane of my life …or at least, my least liked area. The females in my family – my mother, sister and I – seem to have a slightly disproportionate amount of body fat sitting on our lower abdomen (something that was reinforced by a fitness professional doing a body fat test on me in my early 20’s). I’m fairly sure it would be a genetic thing – in terms of natural fat distribution – but I’m experimenting with my nutrition to see if certain macro-nutrients affect it more than others.] at least (and a brown one) if this burn peels – I’ll scream! I mean it! [Yep, the only after-effect of sunburn we cared about back then was peeling, and losing our ‘colour’. Skin cancer wasn’t given a thought, even though advertisements were beginning to be aired in the media] Sharon rang after mima left this arvy (we talked a lot!) we’re going to town tomorrow – I’m meeting her at school. I’m gonna wear shorts on my hips & a boob tube! OUCH! 9:07 sunny mostly 2day!!!

Tuesday 9/12/86

I went to town. We didn’t see a movie. Met her at school – on bus, talking to Joannah. At bus stop, Mrs M, Karen & Mrs P→ telling me all about Peter C what he does etc. [When I read this, it made no sense to me at all. I remember the guy’s name, and that he was at in my year at school, but I have absolutely NO idea why these people were telling me about him. I have a feeling it had something to do with trying to pique my interest. Sorry, no hope …as y’all can tell…] We walked round all day. Sharon bought a shirt [from] ‘Double Vision’ [local clothing store] – we might be modelling for them (‘Ha’) Also, Sharon helped me work up guts to ask Vic Mellick [whom I vaguely knew through my father] about casual work [in his men’s clothing store] – no sweat! No work now, but ‘yes’ for new year! Dim & Victor followed us, too. Rather cute (alright) but Mark is best. Caught 5:20 bus home. Nana was here. They told me Mark rang I rang back – talked only a little while – told me how Fitzroy is $22 now. RIP OFF! [That WAS a huge price to pay back then. We had been able to get student discount fares to Green Island for about $6. These days you’re looking at about $70 to get to Fitzroy.] A cabin for 2 is $22.50 per night. [That was also considered relatively expensive (although I’m assuming the idea would have been to split the cost with others – most likely Monique & Cameron at the very least) back then. Those cabins are “long gone” now and there’s really only a resort on the Island, to my knowledge – for which you’d be paying at least $130 per night for the cheapest room.] Were thinking of next Mon, Tues & Wed. but I’ll be gone. Also told him about Friday night. said I’d ring before then. He said “that’d be nice!” BLOODY STOMACH PAIN! Sunburn. Is 10:00 night!

Wednesday 10/12/86

A Life in Words
Year One class photo. I’m 3rd from the right in the front row. And yes, that is my ‘barbie’ doll in my lap!

I spent the day at home, nursing my poor sore, burnt, ultra-red, stomach, watching TV and that was about it. I ate little – I’m glad! My appetite is not humungus! (Is that how you spell it?) [Nope. It’s ‘humongous’!] Anyway Monique called and I called Sharon & Mima called. We went to the [Grade One] reunion about 5:00 – I put vitamin E cream on my tummy – it’s good stuff! Not sore at all! Just still a little tender – but that can’t be helped. It was alright – a little boring, but mostly fun. I stayed at [privacy omission]; we wanted to sneak out. I rang Mark from Mr M’s …talked for awhile (I felt proud!!) […proud that I had a GUY …to call …that I didn’t REALLY have to call. I’m actually a bit ashamed now that it I used my host’s (my Grade One teacher – someone I obviously didn’t really know very well) landline to make a non-essential private call during a party. I’d consider that kind of rude now, definitely precocious.] He’s such a honey! We’re going to crystals Friday – he’s ringing me tomorrow night. We were fairly sprung at [privacy omission] – her mum got very suspicious cos of a few stupid things we did so we decided against going out (her mum found the house keys + $5 hidden. SKINT) [Five dollars…really? Even though things did cost a lot less than today, I still wouldn’t’ve thought $5 would even get us a cab to the nearest nightclub, let alone into it (cover charge) and drinks…?]

Thursday 11/12/86

A Life in Words
I can’t remember which were the two original charms, but one thing I do know is that I’d never have bought the gun, nor the scissors, myself. So they must have been gifted to me at some stage…

Woken by a phone call for me. Mum picked me up. Dressed at home, after a shower & fresh application of Vit. E cream. She did an ‘errand’ then we withdrew all our money out for our holiday. I got my artwork + cheque for $35 coming – can you believe I got $60 from this art thingy [exhibition]? $44 from my picture ($1 to endeavour foundation) & $16 from painting windows in Fun in the Sun. At home after lunch, I did big fat nothing. All the phone calls tonight! There was rather little gained from them, too! So many calls to be made tomorrow morning . . .my god! Dad, Jenny & Anthony came round – we got a watch (el cheapo) + sterling silver charm bracelet + 2 charms. That I love! It’s absolutely gorgeous – I started  packing this arvy – my stomach’s not sore at all – only very lithely [?!] tender! But its starting to peel… 11:50. Late umah! Night!

Friday 12/12/86

Phone calls, yes. Terry picked me up about 9:30-10:00. Patrick O’S + Peter P were there with Mark & Keith (& Monique) We picked up Fi. Was fun at crystals. Mark & I talked, of course. I had to ring him at 8:15 this morning He was tired. So was I, I guess. At home, I mucked round – busied ‘packing’ and sewing. Finally, after lotsa phone calls, and a rush to get ready, went to nana’s. Gave her her presents (my lorikeet picture) [there’s a photo of that piece in this post if you’d like to know what I’m talking about] I met Fi at the shop – we walked into town. Sat for yonks. Finally rang Mark . . he said they’d come ‘now’. They almost had a fight when they got here. Backpackers was too full. When [privacy omission] came back, we sat round the mall doing nothing. Finally, [privacy omission] megan & sharon tried to drag me to Subway Rock – was closed. Mark, Fiona, Keith, Torstein & Daniel went to get pizza – Megan etc. dragged me off to Nighthawkes. Didn’t go in again – [privacy omission] & I walked back to others [crossover to Saturday’s page…]

Saturday 13/12/86

(Megan & Sharon disappeared for the night.) They weren’t there – so we went to Backpackers. Just debating who’d buy the drinks [being underage made most of us highly reticent about approaching the bar, naturally. You had to be good at projecting an air of confidence] when the others came. We all crowded round a tiny table .. soon Torstein & Daniel went, then Mark, Keith & I sat until the people told us they were locking up. [I think the place used to close at midnight back then] Talking, mucking around …we went to Yanks [a coffee shop in town that was pretty much the only thing open – apart from nightclubs – past midnight.] Stayed for ages – soon Mark got shitty – we left. They barely said goodbye when I got in the taxi. Slept at 1:30. Woke 7:00. Rushing round this morning – taping music, packing. Lotsa phone calls. Fi & Monique said goodbye. So did Keith. He apologised about last night. Mark could’ve, at least. After all, it was his fault. I felt really sad about not ringing him when I left. Dunno whether to write him a letter or not (Moni said yes) Plane trip was a little boring .. I read ([had a] Big lunch!) & listened to music & comedy [channels. Back in the day, “in-flight entertainment” consisted of a pair of disposable headphones that plugged into your armrest giving you access to about 8 various music & comedy ‘radio’ channels – on ‘loop’]. In Sydney [visiting family], we drove round awhile looking at places. Unpacked & watched TV (I don’t remember anything!) Walked to shop. Had a bath. Now 9:50 (8:50 in Cairns – Qld)A Life in Words [the whole ‘daylight savings’ thing was a novelty for me: Queenslanders have never had to change their clocks for Summer. It’s actually a contentious issue because the southern part of Queensland – where the majority of the state’s population reside – experience similar daylight changes and in particular, the cities on the border with NSW (southern Gold Coast & Tweed Heads) struggle with time differences economically (businesses) and socially (schools et al)] MISSING THEM ALREADY

Sunday 14/12/86

I was still very tired today (mostly now) It’s only 10:00 (9:00 in Qld) Jodie’s working tonight – short notice. We went on the boat [yacht]. Julia was sick – anchored at “7 shillings” Beach near/at Double Bay. We lay in the sun (but mostly in the shade all day) slept a bit. Julia was too sick to go back on the boat, so caught a taxi with mum. Jodie & I were too exhausted so we went with them. Watched TV (the rest of Bachelor Party on video) Got a little browner today – a little burnt! Have a headache still. My neck is burnt, as is my face – but that’s it. Still really tender near my left boob- looks like a rash of some sort. Hafta get lotsa sleep tonight. I am missing Cairns. Will have to get down to some letter writing when I get postcards tomorrow. Esp. mima & fiona’s. I need to write lists of who to write letters to and get prezzies for. Wish Mark & I hadn’t left on bad terms. His fault. I keep wanting to ring him.

Holiday Hangs with the Hombres (1-7 December)

Monday 1/12/86

Slept like a baby last night. [Here I revert to recording how the rest of my Sunday – the previous day – was spent. Because I had so heavily encroached upon Sunday’s allotted page in the description of what happened at Saturday night’s party (& how I felt about it) there was very little space left for Sunday’s entry.] Mum took moni home, [I am assuming from the exhibition set-up] I grabbed my gear [from her place] and did nothing at home. Cried when I heard “Emotion in Motion” [an obscure single by Ric Ocasek, the lead singer of the band The Cars. Have a listen if you like…] on Take 40. Really sad.

[Back to Monday, the current day:] Today I rushed so much. Went round with mum – got dress (satin-black) material. [My mum made my dress (pictured) that day. In one day. She really could sew, but didn’t believe enough in herself  Hmm, wonder who took after her? Or “learnt by example”?] At school of arts, helped set up – went off now & then for “window shopping” – gonna buy these $53 togs in Sportsgirl – gorgeous white with blue stars. Mark snubbed me again (I was really wondering) then fussed around town (Monique & Trina caught their bus – I browsed round till mine came) Rushed at home; so many phonecalls!! Got to exhibition around 7:15. Mark looked really nice! A Life in WordsMum talked to him – Sharon’s fault. [Fault? Not the best choice of words.. I’m fairly sure she was trying to do you a favour] I talked a little to begin with, more after (Esp. after!) Mrs B bought my fat ladies … auntie Ruth’s gonna buy my diptych! That’s $135! After, Sharon, Megan & I (and M & Keith) wanted to go out. I told mum backpacker’s. [“Backpacker’s” was originally a cheap ‘restaurant’ for …backpackers (tourists) but its popularity led to an extended bar license and eventually a nightclub, in the additional downstairs area. It was a popular nightlife venue for many years. My mum allowed me to go out underage, based on a system of Trust: she said she would rather know where I was than have me lie to her. The condition was I always had to tell her where I was and contact her if anything was going to change. So I respected her by staying put at Backpacker’s that night.] .Sharon & Mege. disappeared to Subwayrock. M. & K & me sat in backpackers talking. He loves Lady in Red [by Chris DeBurgh. It became one of my favourites after this night. It’s obvious why, no?] – was sitting so I talked to K. after he was looking at me. Sharon’s going to beach with him & K. tomorrow & crystals on Wed. Nice, huh? [Jealousy] And I paid for practically all the taxi fare home. [Outrageous!] It’s 12:30. Something K. said in backpackers made me wonder again tho’. “When he’s drunk or bored he talks crap – spins shit.” gave an example at one party “”I can see your soul in the moon…”” sounds bloody familiar to me [!!] & I told him. But he said nothing. I don’t think he heard (or pretended not to.) Nite

Tuesday 2/12/86

I’m tired, now. Today, I rang monique to ask about time we go in to look after exhibition sales [all of the CAD kids were ‘rostered’ to caretake the exhibition and manage sales of the works over the period of showing, being school holidays now’n’all…] – she asked me in for a swim. At 11:00 mum dropped me there. After a swim & lunch we went. Cameron, Chris, Glyn and Alan B were there for a little while – Heather & Marj, for longer. Otherwise, we sat from 1:00 to 4:30 – doing nothing. So BORING! But I got my togs! I LOVE THEM! Sharon rang when Mrs P dropped me home (we saw M. coming out of Trobruk Pool) (I was going to ring her [Sharon, that is] anyway) They did go to the beach. Keith, her & Mark. And ‘anyway’ … she asked me if I’d like to go to Crystals tomorrow Mark is inviting the guys – Sharon, the girls. But there’s been no info given tonight, on how we’re getting there etc. oh well. G night!!

Wednesday 3/12/86

After lotsa phone calls, a big panic (or 2), Terry picked me up. There was Mark, Keith, Terry, Glynn, Cameron, Chris & Monique. I didn’t talk to Mark at Crystals, at all. We left early – before lunch cos Terry had to work & we (7) couldn’t fit with Brent, mima, Fi in Brent’s suzuki hatch (they had to work too, anyway) Terry dropped us at Freshy Creek. We bought ‘food’, then monique rang her mum [to collect us?] .. mandy & bill were ‘hailed down’ by Cameron. We piled in – they dropped us near Mark’s place. The guys rode – we ‘sneaked’ bikes off them. A Life in WordsAt monique’s we swam & mucked around. Glynn left for work, we played badminton Keith left. Chris, Mark, Cameron, Monique & I played more badminton (when M. & I played Mon. & Chris, we flogged ’em! – talked quite a bit – miscellaneous) In the pool, when mum came. I went home, packed, and went to dinner at Aunty Ruth & Nancy’s [my grandmother’s sisters, so actually my great-aunts] – leaving tomorrow. mum drank (all did) so I was late. [I wonder: late because mum drank and didn’t want to leave? Or because she drank, she had to wait to drive? In those days it was hard to tell; drink driving wasn’t quite the huge public concern it is now…] I rang monique’s – I’d forgotten to tell her the guys were coming over for videos – she had none. Mark talked to me! (moni told me he wanted to; asked “can I talk to her?”) I embarrassed them. [So he only wanted to speak to me to scold me?] Anyway finally dragged mum out … [she was] shitty with me [of course: being a spoilt, nagging little brat!]→ [another crossover to the next day…]

Thursday 4/12/86

Mark had ridden home & gotten videos from his house. It was a good night – [the boys] stayed till 2:30 Ate & mucked around – mark was begin nice but a little rough – but I know he didn’t really mean anything. (??) It was good. Slept at 3:00 – woke 11:00. Camille made us brekky – big! (Full!) we lazed in front of T.V. the rest of the day! lazy, lazy, lazy! At about 430, Cameron rang, from Mark’s. They talks to us for ages – monique talked lots; I listened to the music. I’m hopeless on the phone! (monique’s gotten over her phone phobia, I’m sure! She was on it the longest) I was bored – I wish we had 2 [phone] extensions (her, I mean) then we could’ve both been in on what was said. ‘Apparently’, a bit of bad was said about me – none about moni! Anyway, I stayed at monique’s again. Mr. & Mrs P. were out at Innisfail for the night. We got out Real Genius video. A Life in WordsPity we didn’t ring the guys [You sneaky little thing – I know what you were thinking! No parents = ?!?!?] They probably wouldn’t’ve believed us if we said we were having another video night! Got to bed about 11:00 (sleep) overcast day again.

Friday 5/12/86

Today was overcast, too (for most of the day) I woke around 8:30; Camille’s boyfriend Lyndon was at the door – Louis [their dog] barking at him. Monique in the shower. We did ‘nothing’ till about 10:00, when we watched Real Genius again – great movie – god, Val Kilmer’s gorgeous! (So’s Tom Cruise, of course; [yeah, back in the day he wasn’t a Scientology loony etc, so was much more attractive] then again, Mark W comes close tie!) Lyndon dropped Monique & I in town (spotted Mark & them in Tuck High (I mean, High Tuck shop) after searching for material, we walked to school to get our reports But CAD kids’ are getting sent home next week, apparently. We started walking home; Mrs P. drove by & picked us up. At monique’s, helped clean up room, then had a dip in the pool. Monique’s at my place now. We rang Cameron (Mark was there; great!) talked for awhile (monique the most, still!!) Mark is so nice! His voice is so beautiful! They want us to ring ’em back tomorrow! Ace! Sharon’s [birthday] party…!! too! Will probly be another late night tonight.

Saturday 6/12/86

Woke early. But rang the guys back around ?? 10:30. Blabbed [Aussie slang for ‘talking’ in this case, otherwise it means ‘telling on’ or ‘snitching’] for yonks. After we hung up, a phone call from Sharon informed us the party wasn’t on. To cut a long story short, there were lots of phone calls. Finally, we decided Mark, Cam. me & monique would have a ‘video’ night at her place instead of going to the party (which was on, again) or to Cameron’s [??] & for me, Sharon’s BBQ [Monique not invited? I think that was the case]..Went to Perrems about 5:30. Was excited! However, mima called from Sharon’s wanting to know why ‘we’ weren’t there. we said “no transport” “Come with Mark & Terry” [“What?” I’d’ve been thinking…] Rang Mark – he said he was still coming.. Lied so much to sharon Am never gonna do that again. [And I’m not really a great liar anyway. I’m “too honest”.] Anyway, we made the food, the guys came. We started to watch one vid. Mark listened to music. It was like that  most of the night; Mark listening to music no matter what we did. Once I looked in the pool – Chris & Glynn were in there. Monique got upset that they ‘gate-crashed’ [a bit miffed about being excluded from the ‘foursome’?] – they went but she rang them back [she’s all heart] (at→ [crossover to Sunday’s page…] 

Sunday 7/12/86

Cameron’s) & asked them to come over. Keith also came. they finally left – the Perrems came home. Drank coffee & we mucked round. Finally all went to bed ..Mark wouldn’t give me my pillow. fighting… Mon. got me one – then no room on the lounge – I got my  mattress from her room. Mark squished me. . we ‘tickled’ each other while m. & c. slept on couch – for ages – ears, nose, eyebrows, neck, feet and (not much but shit when it was) ribs/waist. See, the thing was, most of it was quite gentle. And we were so close… faces sometimes about 2cm apart!! But “nothing” happened. [No kissing, I would’ve meant..] Still, I don’t mind …it was still very nice!! Woke early – mark got me in the ribs, before ‘rolling over’ Cameron got “hyper” and everyone soon woke. Spent the day in much the same fashion as night, except Mark wasn’t alone so much (at all) we listened to music, swam, ate & even had a trip to the shop – saw elisia – told her they slept over – MISTAKE [see? I’m not ”strategic’ enough to be a great liar!] .. Mrs P. said Brewers & Ennises were altogether at Palm Cove… A Life in WordsWhat if she told mima? Anyway they left 2:30, we slept mum picked me up. Rang Sharon. a little sticky situation – not much. watched “Coolangatta Gold”. What will I do tomorrow, or; all this week? Nothing is planned.

Framing, Fraternising & Fantasising in the Final Week of Year 11 (24-30 November)

Monday 24/11/86

A Life in Words
At Trinity Beach. not everyone is in this group pic but I love it because my bestie has her arm around me 🙂

I woke up and attempted to get another piece done. HA HA HA!! Then, we rushed in [to school I am assuming] & back, passing Monique & Thorstein & Justine [on their bikes] on the way (both ways). [We were all cycling to Trinity Beach, and ‘collecting’ people on the way… I think they were heading to my place, to pick me up next…] We left here late going straight past morris st – we thought they’d [I think referring to Jemima & Fiona] left. When we finally got to the beach, they, of course, weren’t there. So we waited (Thorstein had rung & found out they only just left) when they arrived so did Carla & Brent. We sunbaked (I didn’t get burnt – almost everyone else did! Very little fun though) and swam – my hair’s blonder tho! – [swam only] a little cos there were sea snakes. And we hired a cat. (Rage!) Rode home slowly stopped at freshy [Freshwater Creek our ‘local’] for a swim Pigged out – just a few chips, pita bread & yoghurt – cos’ I forgot my food today. All I’d had was (about) 4 cans Diet Coke. [OMG, that poison. I can’t believe how much of that stuff we used to drink. I just hope whatever damage we did by consuming it has been righted (healed) by now…] Now staying at Fi’s. Watching videos then riding to exam in morning. Ragey. Monique can’t get onto her father yet….

Tuesday 25/11/86

Boring. I saw him once, really briefly before exam – close, tho’. Last night we watched 2 videos, Polly, Kylie & Brent went home. Monique was exhausted [fell asleep, while] – mima fi & I stayed up till 2:00 talking & laughing. Uncomfortable sleep- got numb arm! Rode quickly to Monique’s when she got changed etc, rode to school. Saw Mark near my (in, at times) art room (exam room) Art was ‘easy’ but I stuffed it up. Got overall out of 70 mark – 59. Not good enough esp. for how I (might’ve) gone in my test. Got eng. 27/30!! Believe it!! I couldn’t! I thought I’d done really badly! Fi and I waited all the rest of the day till mime had done her choral exam. Had a good talk and etched our names in our area [vandals!]. Hot ride home. Am exhausted. Did no HW (HW? you say) Yes – exhibition works! [ART homework] Haven’t finished yet! Gotta get framed, too. Crikey! “Ohm!” meditation! Gammon [Oh if only I was actually serious about the meditation. For those who don’t know, ‘gammon’ in Australian slang (particularly common to indigenous Aussies) has negative connotations…implying what you said wasn’t true. Here, I’d’ve been thinking “meditation? AS IF! Duh, no way”] 8:30

Wednesday 26/11/86

A Life in Words
I’m not exactly sure what day this pic was taken but I know it was sometime during this last week of school

Chem. Fail 34½/80, but I’m sure I found 9 marks which weren’t added on in process multiple choice Q’s. I PASSED MATHS!! By 2½ marks! 32½/70 … gone up 9% this sem. overall from 46% to 55%!!! [Barely passing would have mortified me a few years earlier… just passing was my hope these days, but improving on the previous semester’s results? BONUS!] English: y’know 27/30 – 82% up by 2%, art, well, I’ll be lucky to get a Very high [Achievement]. Dunno yet. Bio hasn’t finished marking yet, but so far, am 44/63. BAD. I’d wanted to get a V.H. for bio this semester too. Today was boring really. Did nothing besides find out marks. (I beat Cameron in everything – he hates me now) Mark was around. He has a gorgeous face – bone structure etc. Eyes. I laughed at a little joke in biology and he looked at me smiling (not for long – like a glance) Then this arvy I tried to do more art. Just finished crying. I’m not going to get half the stuff I wanted to get in, in. Big Trouble for Lissa. No money [sales = income]. Is 10:45. Going at 8:30 tomorrow to get my work framed. at Upstairs Gallery. Got my fuckin’ periods 2day. [Every woman’s joy]

Thursday 27/11/86

Boring! Mark was there – but left. We sat in Monique’s maths class with about 10 others, then Justine, Fi & I went to the hospital to see Leanne – she’s really sick – they think gall stones. OH NO. Poor Leanne. Back at school, Mark’d left. I got chem. result fixed up – passed! 43½/80!! [It’s a miracle!] Then, walked to Justine’s (saw gr. 4&5 photos of mark! – yukky [!?!] – bit cute, too – very different!) Mrs F took us into town. Spent the rest of the day there. caught town bus home. Did little artwork tonight – umah. [Hang on, you’ve been in tears the night before… but don’t care today?] Tomorrow, everyone (or lotsa people) are going to crystal cascades. I can’t wait! Rang moni – she doesn’t know (she’s shitty – found out Cameron only wants to be a friend) Sharon is, and Cameron is. (doesn’t know how ringing me back tomorrow at 9:00.) Chris told monique last night. Wonder who C. McK does like? Oh, Mark. I want you. Oh Cameron. I love you!! 2 fav. guys! Saw Upstairs Gallery about my framing this arvy – can do it for $100!!! 9:47

A Life in Words
One part of Crystal Cascades popular swimming hole. We went further upstream on this particular day.

Friday 28/11/86

It was a mess. Heaps of phone calls but finally, Sharon & I were about to ride to Crystals, when Cameron, Glynn in Brian’s car all came – gave us a lift. We were the only girls apart from Tanja S and Melinda B. Heapsa guys – Cameron, Glynn, Chris, Brent, Steven, David & Peter S, Brian & others like Mark F, Todd Q Torstein… we swam. and sat. and I got burnt shoulders. No problems with periods. there were 8 in the car home – all the guys came in to my place for cold water. Cameron (silly!) left his shoes here. Sharon rang when she’d ridden home – she’s grounded not allowed to stay here tonight, nor go to the party tomorrow. I’m shitty. I have to work tomorrow, finished my bag, wax my legs & armpits, make my dress, make my belt, which I stuffed up just now, FUCK IT and my fuckin’ hat. [I was clearly going through a phase of making (including sewing) lots of stuff… in the midst of… a lot of other stuff (think all the artwork I was meant to be producing for our exhibition). I am only realising now that it’s a lifelong trait of mine: to take on multiple things all at once: which most certainly holds the potential to conjure Stress, ultimately. Like, for example, having 4 jobs…] Cameron also rang this arvy. So’d monique. She wasn’t allowed to go today – not that she didn’t want to. [I’d assumed she may not have wanted to because Cameron was, potentially feeling hurt and/or embarrassed by his rejection] 9:30?? friggin periods!

Saturday 29/11/86

Before work I collected my art stuff . It’s alright – a bit bent – and NOT vacuum pressed, tho. I was ripped off I think. $90 and even ‘Marilyn’ [one of my pieces] was wrecked. (well, a bit more warped) Earned $14 at work. Mum picked me up. Rushed to pack at home. Chris & Glyn were at monique’s swimming. Camille’s (her sister) bus was late. At 7:30, we were rushing. The ‘Kellys’ took us [to the party – whose it was I can’t recall. In fact, I barely remember the location and the following events]. Mark came with Cameron. I finally sat with him and Fi on the grass (& Cameron & some others) Now, it was hot, to Mark. He asked Fiona if she’d sit and talk in the gutter. Everyone said I said this (I can’t remember ..musta been only a joke) “Leave Fiona alone, don’t try anything on her” [jealousy?]. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he got angry. Walked with Fi [privacy omission here]. Cameron & I went down (so did nicole) I tried to say sorry. He was raving on about how he hates people pre-judging him (& others) I started crying. But in the end we hugged. Then cam & I left Fi & him to talk. They came up after  and mark asked me to come and talk…→ [continued on the next page of  the diary…]

Sunday 30/11/86

we sat in the grass. And talked. He does like me. At least, he said. A Life in Words“My favourite waste of time” reminds him of me – he thinks of me or if possible looks at me. [This relates to a previous party where I discovered that this was one of his favourite songs. To revisit that episode, click here. There’s also a link to the song on YouTube in case you fancy a listen] And a certain star in the sky reminds me of him. And I’m one of 2 people he’s ever met who he thinks he could settle down & marry & live happily with. We told each other lots about how we felt. Then we talked about general things. And after we walked to the beach (Chris, Cam. Glynn, Mark, Alan B, Nicole, Clarissa, Moni, me, sharon) (Chris tryin on to me – embarrassing!) We talked for ages, then. He loves apricots. Wants to own a ski lodge in Canada – a red ferrari like Magnum’s [that’s Magnum P.I. – an 80’s TV show/character], our house will be in the snow mountains with fruit trees & a big slippery slide down to a tropical beach with a 40 foot yacht!! Anyway, at 3:30, Cameron got his mum to take us to Nicole’s – she made 2 trips. [Good god, mothers can be VERY accommodating to their children – and others’!] Slept very little at Nicole’s if at all. Mark being my friend. (Said he wants to be a friend & more than a friend – he’s afraid of me!) – like I am! He says that’s like mima & brent (their love being deep & strong from ‘fear’ (?)) Walked to monique’s at 7:00. Mark didn’t say anything at all in the morning. Spent day – slept 3hrs, had a swim then went to set up exhibition .. Mark snobbed me. I began to wonder …could all those things he said possibly be untrue?

A Life in Words
Me & Mickey (Monique’s other nickname) setting up for the art exhibition

 

Flat Tops, Failing & Friends on the Phone (17-23 November)

A Life in Words
Drago (Dolph Lundgren) sported a flat top ‘do in Rocky IV (1985)

Monday 17/11/86

Boring day. Mark I saw once (had a haircut – Cameron too; Flat top!! [ah, the old flat-top! Think ‘Ice-Man’ in Top GunLooks cute!!) Wasn’t at parade – just at the beginning of little lunch briefly. Talking to Cameron, Glynn, Chris & David lunch hour – everyone was gone – mima & Fiona & lots left after double chemistry. Monique & I did nothing. Studied chem a bit tonight and can understand most of what I’ve learnt (or read) Hope I can get the rest done tomorrow. Is only 9:00, but bags under my eyes make me go to bed. Talking to Chris & Cameron in maths – Cameron & Mark had a big fight Friday arvy. Chris did with Duane, too I think. said something about mark – Chris said “Have you talked to mark?” I said “what about?” He said “you know that night” I didn’t answer. [Perhaps not just because I may not have known what (which night) he was referring to, but also whether he was just…baiting?] Cameron said something can’t remember, but wasn’t positive. Got me wondering. Cameron’s always going on lately about how good a friend I am.. wonder If he was trying to say something [Haha, this young girl has not yet learnt that males don’t “drop hints”. Don’t read into everything, Liss.]

Tuesday 18/11/86

Fail. Written all over my brain. I could not do anything. It’ll be a miracle if I pass – a doggone miracle. Boring day. Not actually; studied this morning, but went to school around 12:00. Stayed talking to Monique. Then walked up to exam room with Heather, Linda & Justine (Cameron a little of the way) Is hot (had a big thunderstorm – lightning etc…) Raining lots – I got saturated! Caught bus home with Fi. Monique rang in the arvy. Talked about miscellaneous stuff. A Life in WordsIn shower, I got a phone call from a guy. Julia didn’t get name or anything. Cameron forgot to ring back – lucky I rang him. Talked abit about Moni – lots about miscellaneous – didn’t get any news ’bout mark ‘cept that he really likes Fiona a lot as a friend. “Jealousy?” Was Cameron trying to make me jealous? [Highly, highly unlikely!] Asked about what he’d said in maths – said I was hearing things. [The boys often said that. It simply means either “I don’t want to tell you” or more likely “I don’t remember”.] Thank God. (?) It’s 9:15. Gotta go.

Wednesday 19/11/86A Life in Words

Monique rang 4 times. For most of the time we talked about nothing in particular – sometimes not even talking. [This is another of the defining characteristics of our friendship, and it is said that this kind of sitting in silence is the stuff of true friendship: total comfort in each others’ presence. Monique was the first person with whom I’d ever experienced this ease, this depth of peace – besides my mother & sister of course. Mind you, I also hate being on the phone these days so this particular experience is unlikely to be replicated.] I’m ashamed to say I wasted the day. I did very little maths study and no art (practically) –  no english or anything. I ate one hell of a lot I think I’d better stick to the diet again – I’ve gone up to 62kgs again. So it’s been a waste of time. Waste of a day. I can’t believe how restless I get when studying. Wish Mark’d ring. Or even just Cameron. In a way I envy monique yet I think she envies me – that I can get on so well with him, so easily – like I envy Fiona and her friendship with Mark. I wonder if he envies Cameron? Wouldn’t that be nice? [No, it wouldn’t. Too much envy, too much Wanting!] Hottish day. Shoulda done some exercise – reading about it in a magazine – really good for all aspects of your life – fitness mentally, physically, socially… [Well isn’t this interesting? Perhaps a crack in the door opening to my future fitness career? Well thank you, trashy magazine!] Is about 9:20. English tomorrow SHIT!

Thursday 20/11/86

It’s 12:30. I’ve been doing maths. I just finished reading over bio notes and now I have to get started on my art – my fingers are rather ‘slow’ – I can’t write quickly – ah, yes I can… leaning on the table! Got another letter from Delanie; she writes back fast enough. Talking ’bout mark – she reckons we’re both flipped over each other, but are ‘playing games’ esp. Mark. [Haha, that’s so cute: a friend who knows nought but what I tell her (my one-sided story, full of hope & guesses) analyses & concludes in my favour. Ain’t friendship grand?!] I saw him briefly today before english exam (each! – Dunno if I passed – didn’t do too well.) Wasted this arvy, kind of, too. But I got a little worried about maths. After a phonecall to Fi, I was a little reassured and got ‘stuck into it’. There’s not much (well, there is really) that I can’t do – I just have to think – trouble is, you don’t get time in exams!! Hope I’m not too tired to do my maths & bio. Boy will I be glad when tomorrow’s over! Not really; still have my art to do. OH NO!

Friday 21/11/86

Boy, am I tired now! It’s 10:10. I failed maths; there were so many things I couldn’t do. Saw Mark a little. Lunchtime – all of us (YR11 group – who were there) sat in the library ‘studying’ – yacking! (talking) [I don’t recall our librarians being big on telling people to ‘Shhhh”!] He was in my room for bio. It was fairly simple – I’ll pass – probably only give me an HA [High Achievement] overall this sem. cos I couldn’t do a few Q’s. [Ah, there’s a hint of potential dissatisfaction with regard to my grades. I thought that concern had died with the advent of my social life; that all I cared about now was simply passing. No, the Perfectionist is not dead.] After, talking to people Mark & Cameron hangin’ round. Cameron talks to me a lot. Then they went. We (Monique, Sharon, mim, Fi & I) went to mime’s to watch video tape of Last night’s Return to Eden, which I’d watched anyway. Then, dropped home, got ready & went into town. A Life in WordsOn way in we passed bill & mum was sure Cameron was in the front seat. (GREAT!) Bought new album 1987 Let’s Party [one of my favs!] and had tea at Pizza Corner Played record at home; was always looking out the louvres, hoping to see Cameron walk up the street. [As. If.] Hope he is at his dad’s place!! Maybe Mark’ll go over tomorrow. [Always wishin’] Finish a reply letter to Delanie 2morrow

Saturday 22/11/86

A Life in Words
My (now aged) Lorikeet drawing

Did another piece for art – my lorikeet (well, something like that) is possibly my best work!! I spent the whole morning on it. I have 4 left to do. When Nana and (great) auntie Nancy & Uncle Raymond and Ruth came over, I ate. I shouldn’t have but I did. Raymond was looking at some of my work – I showed them all my ‘exhibit’, I think they might buy! [No, they were just ‘encouraging’] made lotsa phone calls about Sean’s party – Monique tried to get Cameron & the guys to go but was unsuccessful. Still went tho’. Monique & I were driven by mum to Sharon’s (monique got ready at my place) & Mrs Weeks took us there. It was … alright. Boring, yes. But not to the point of suicide. About 100 I think, turned up. I shouldn’t have drunk again. I got happy (was keeling now & then) I was eventually fine. [Hmmm, I don’t remember this one. Mind you, I suppose it’s silly to think you’ll remember every party you attend in your life… especially when you’re drinking at them…] But we scabbed a lift home with Justine at 2:00 (most people had gone or were going by then- ) Boring!! About 3:00 I got to sleep.

Sunday 23/11/86

Waste of a day. I started a piece of work. It progressed. But when I finished it tonight, Geoff pointed out something wrong. [This rings bells to me but I just can’t remember what that piece was] I tried to fix it but stuffed it up instead. So I scrunched it up & threw it away. I was a little upset, too. [You don’t say?] Monique left around 10:00 this morning (riding home) Boring day. I ate chocolate cake and chips. I think I’ll have to forget being really strict on my diet→ on the holidays it’s too hard. I’ll still try to balance what I do eat & “substitute” etc. [I’d love to know what I meant by that – “substitute” – back then. I’m quite certain there’d be a difference in meaning now.] Oh, I wish I could’ve gotten more art done. Don’t think I’ll get much finished. And, god, when am I going to get everything ‘framed’? How much will it cost?? OH NO! (Get dad to pay. He really should) [Of course, living with mum meant she forked out more in the act of rearing us. It’s almost unavoidable for the supporting parent, no matter how much the other may contribute via ‘maintenance payments’. This only intensifies my respect for her.] Can’t wait for the next weeks ahead (days) Befriend Mark, Elissa (your ambition for the week)

Radio Tunes, Self Talk & A Freaky Incident with My Best Friend (10-16 November)

Monday 10/11/86

I didn’t talk to him; ignored him as much as possible. What am I going to do? Everybody knows I like him – I have to get to be friends ..then – hope. NO! You don’t need him! You can have Phillip C. THAT’S YUMMY! And he likes you. He’s nuts about you!! He wouldn’t hurt you! Mark is missing out. He hasn’t realised yet that I’m the best thing that’s happened to him… I’m perfect for him ..but it’s his loss if he can’t realise it… I’ll be loved by others. And I’ll love them. He can suck! I’ll be his friend (Cameron’s my best tho’) [Well, if that wasn’t a rant and a half. Backflips, assumptions, predictions and precocious self-talk. Ah, the mental dialogue…] My work is getting ahead of me – I’m in trouble! (Art, especially.) Must try harder. Missed aerobics cos of work Did rather little, too! Listening to the radio – play all the good songs at night Yo! ho! ho! [←?? excited much?]  I had 2 pieces apple pie + lotsa chips today! UMAH!!! Is almost 9:00 Nite!!

Tuesday 11/11/86A Life in Words

It’s about 10:50. A special ‘Beatle’s ‘documentary’ just finished. Their ending (split) was so depressing But I love (most) the music. [So did my bestie, Monique. It’s another one of the things that I felt defined her… or defined her to me at least] Today I kept ignoring Mr. Up Himself. Also realised how much strife I’m in, concerning work: especially art. [Really? You’re only realising now? Are you sure? Coz I’ve heard this a number of times before…] (my studies are not progressing either) but mainly my art – have to know what I’m handing in for the exhibition by this Friday. [I came to realise that I only perform under pressure. This leaving-everything-to-the-last-minute only gets worse…] Oh well. Boring school is. It’s going too fast. Cameron was away today. No one (barely) I knew went to the BBQ (for year 11) this arvy. I didn’t! I think Mark did but who cares? I certainly don’t! I need someone to fall in love with – someone who’ll fall in love with me, too. Keep lookin’ Liss! You’ll get there!! God I’m tired!! Broke diet again – 2 extra pieces of bread + cuppa tea + extra pita bread UMAH

A Life in Words
My Bestie, Monique x

Wednesday 12/11/86

It’s about 9:30 (I got a letter from Delanie today and wrote a 15 page one back!!) I’ve decided I feel differently towards Cameron. Was thinking about it in chemistry – thinking about when I held his hand at the party [?! I don’t remember that!] – listening to his voice at the same time. YUM. Then in 4th period art, in the storeroom I was thinking whether I should tell Monique or not. When I came out, she said “Do you ever feel like telling your best friend something but don’t want to?” I said “yeah, I just was!” Outside, I knew she was thinking about guys. She came out with “I think I like Cameron!” I couldn’t believe the coincidence!! She told me she was also thinking about him in period 1!! Coincidences! Something more than that!! It was so freaky – same thing, same time, same thoughts!! UNBELIEVABLE!! [I love this: our ‘connection’ totally swamped any sense of competition with regard to Cameron. Our friendship was clearly of much more significance to the both of us than a boy.] Failed my speech exam not doing it anymore. Did no HW (study) again but worked out art.

Thursday 13/11/86

I got news today. I am very confused. Talking to Duane in biology – he said Mark (still) likes me a lot. I couldn’t believe him – rolled my eyes. He said ‘true!’.etc. I don’t know what to think anymore. He is so thick (Mark.) […OR “he’s just not that into you”? I mean, if he was Liss, he wouldn’t keep hooking up with other girls at all the parties, right? Oh dear.] I know I do really like him still, but my fondness for Cameron has grown too. And Monique likes him. What’s going to happen? I am so confused- I really don’t know what to do or think. My schoolwork is going terribly, too. My art – ugh! And no use thinking about maths & chem. really stuffed up there. Mima told me yesterday at speech that Chris K likes me, too. [I’d nominated him as one of my other best male friends at the party last week] I am so confused! It’s 9:45. Hot. Duane kept talking to me after bio too (I was late for art). He even told Mark the other day how thick he was. Mark reckoned “why am I always the last to find out?” (Concerning me at the party – everyone ‘knew’ I was upset about Mark. I couldn’t believe it – he’s thick!!

Friday 14/11/86

It’s so damn hot! 10:20. I’m still boiling!! Contemplated ringing Mark this arvy – couldn’t think of a good enough excuse – bio exam? (gam on!) Sally’s party? (gammon!) or even apology for ignoring him this week. (Ha Ha Ha!!)A Life in Words I think I’ll get my art done this weekend. Have heaps of paper & pastels. But must also study lots. Esp. maths & chem. esp!! So hot. I can’t believe it .. 35º – I’m not used to summer yet. [Technically it wasn’t summer yet anyway: December marks the beginning of Summer in the Southern Hemisphere] SHIT I’m boiling!! Might take the fan in my bedroom. Kiss. I wish I could kiss someone (who?) I feel like having a beautiful big kiss. Listening to radio lots – great songs at night. [Less TV has gotta be a good thing] Whew! Ragey holidays! Don’t wanna do exams. Yukky Oh well! Gotta do well. What a lot of babbling: Ha! Ha!

Saturday 15/11/86

It’s about 9:10. Just come home from Pizza Hut – yes, I know; I really bombed my diet tonight! Garlic bread, cola, orange juice drink, pizza & worst of all, CHOCOLATE MOUSSE! (Was very rich & I didn’t feel too well for a little while!!) [I don’t know that Chocolate Mousse would have been the worst thing, actually. I think it’s on a par with the drinks…] Am so tired now. Today? Well I did more bio revision. Got fixative [an art product: aerosol spray that ‘fixes’ pastel work on paper] this morning. Have 6 no 5, art pieces left to do. When? Must do chem, at least, tomorrow. Really was hot today – felt as bad as yesterday, but only got to 32ºC, yesterday 35ºC. Tonight is cooler (just) tho!!! Tired – all I can think about! (must put headphones on – “party night” tonight Play all good songs!) Been listening to the radio lots more now. [You have said that. Numerous times.] Excellent at night – play lotsa great music. esp. tonight. Work hard tomorrow Liss. And mend your diet!! Thinking about Mark. I do still like him deep down. [of course you do…] I’m just extremely fond of Cameron.

Sunday 16/11/86

A Life in WordsSo damned hot! Lucy rang tonight! God I’m hot! We talked – I told her my ‘love life’ in very small detail Julia came in my bed last night to share the fan. [Wow, I didn’t realise we were that poor that we couldn’t afford a fan each. I thought we had ceiling fans anyway…despite not having ceilings! We had moved into the unfinished house as soon as it was liveable and mum was going to get things completed along the way, whenever she could scrape the cash together. She did it tough, but rarely complained.] I finally got rid of her. I woke up every time I had to move – so squishy. Anyway, we weren’t on the phone long. She wants me to write a letter before she goes on holidays→ that means no later than next weekend. God I only finished (hastily) my bio study today. Didn’t even start chemistry. Shit & I got no art done on the weekend. (Well, very little) Do chem all tomorrow and art all wednesday – no! Must do maths then! God I’m in trouble!! I’m still unsure about love life, too. [You don’t say? Flip-flop, flip-flop…] I know I think Mark is what I want – Cameron I love. But only as a friend. a really good friend – but my mind keeps changing. If I say only one thing, I know I’m still attracted to Mark a little, at least. I still like to be where he is. It’s 8:50.