Transgression & Reunion: the Final Week of School (16-22 November)

Monday 16/11/87

I’m not feeling overly happy. And it’s got nothing to do with the fact that I failed my maths, for sure .. it’s to do with mark. [Surprise surprise] It doesn’t bother me [hang on, have I just back-flipped here?] -I’m not sure if it’s really my problem- but there’s some slight depression, unhappiness, melancholy, hanging over me. I don’t know what or how. I can’t explain. Maybe it’s just a “down” period. [Alcohol is classed as a depressant drug, just sayin’. And with hormones naturally surging through your teenaged body, the combined result’s not going to be rosy…] Apparently (I didn’t talk to Mark today only saw him briefly, twice, but he rang me) [privacy omission] thought he’d given me the lovebites and she’d said “Bastard” or something like that. I feel good, but not really -it’s not reassuring enough- I still must talk to him. A Life in WordsI couldn’t tonight – we were getting on so well (on the phone) and he’d said (when I tried to give him shit about [her]) “it’s terrible, isn’t it?” when I said about [her] calling him a bastard. I HATE IT. It hurts me. [Because I interpreted it as him discounting MY feelings. But reading this back now, it seems equally possible that he may have been disregarding her (alleged) response, in order to hearten me. Again, who knows?] I need to let him know: fast. Oh, why me? I feel so down. Got my Euroka [our school magazine/yearbook] not as good as last year’s. May have passed my chem prac. (probly not with my luck) Not at all worried about chem exam- I don’t care. Is 10:00 now – will probly be up a while yet.

Tuesday 17/11/87

WOW. It’s 11:30- I’d wanted an early nite – in preparation for 2morrow. Oh well. I wrote to Lucy & actually, to all the tertiary institutions, that I needed to, so it’s all out of the way, finally!! (Post it all tomorrow) Ugh! What a day! Woke – went to psycologist -she was nice- talked to my ♥’s content – she feels (& I know) it [the accident] has benefitted me – the trauma made me much stronger – self-determined etc. more will & potential to succeed now than I ever would’ve had before [hmm, except academically…] (& the break-up with Mark helped too) So, at home after, didn’t feel like studying anymore[!]– chem exam a big ha, ha. (tho’ I think I shall be better than maths!) Home after Glyn & Cameron popped around ..Glyn saw my [contraceptive] pills (great – I’ll never hear the end of it) Fi’s ringing me back 2 morrow to finalize plans for 2morrow. I rang mark but was at Keith’s watching a video (my guess is [privacy omission]‘s muff) anyway- he rang me – it was almost 10:00, I think! short phone call. Oh god I’m tired. 2morrow nite – I can’t wait!

Wednesday 18/11/87

Well, I woke up to Fi’s phonecall, around 8:00 – I was DEAD! And we were in town around 8:45/9:00. A Life in WordsWe looked around after buying photographic paper, then walked to Fi’s shop to get the car. I failed my learners: one question wrong (because I’d studied from an old book – they’d changed the rule) [I can’t for the life of me remember what that changed rule was] Didn’t see mark at all today. Nor Jo. I couldn’t find a damn thing to wear to the Valedictory Dinner (we picked mima up after her exam-bought her flowers!!) in town, let alone out tonite. Went over to see Cynthia (Fi dropped me there) Had Kentucky Fried for tea; had to rush at home, to get to mima’s (I got a skirt to wear) At Scandals, I had a Kahlua & milk + 2 banana dacquiris – at Croc. Rock, barely talked to Mark, to start with. Had one explosion [the super-toxic, flaming cocktail to which I’d become partial] with Cameron, then another with Mark (his first) we ended up talking (he was quite drunk) alone for ages – about us. I can’t remember everything [he said] & what I do, I don’t have room for!! Was good – he said I turn him on the most all the others were substitutes – he’d put off & put off getting with them. We didn’t get together cause he didn’t want people saying he did it cause he was drunk- respects me too much. Fi came up & told me

Thursday 19/11/87

→we were leaving- he & she talked & when driving me home, she said he said “there’s only one person I love more than you- (that’s elissa)” so, I woke 7:30 – very dead. The art test was boring – not really very easy – just basic (difference!) [Wow. Did I really get on the piss heavily the night before an exam? I never realised I was so badass…] After, I missed mark, but waited round the school area for most of the afternoon (well, a bit: went to Fi’s [parents’] shop & I lay down out the back, trying to get some sleep for tonite (from last nite!)) Jason took me home… I ended up not resting there ..had to rush to get ready for the movies. A Life in WordsLIVING DAYLIGHTS was cool. (Jay drove mima & I there) We walked to Esplanade after (saw Steven at International Hostel [a guy I’d pashed a few weeks back] – he ‘giggled’ mima said) then drove to the school. Mark & Chris were drinking first – it was a mess – it was stupid – idiot K. was throwing furniture etc. Not many there. [It’s pretty much an unwritten seniors’ tradition to ‘prank’ the school for their final day… I’d envisaged organised decoration (the OCD in me) so was pretty disappointed to find a bunch of somewhat aggressive drunk guys just making a huge mess.] Then the guys went for a swim [breaking into the school’s pool enclosure] & threw a bin [full] of water at me (Keith) & the guys all hit into him) [I think I was wearing a white top so was more concerned with modesty than the fact that I was actually sopping wet] then there was a cry of Police. I don’t know why, but some people ran, & [privacy omission] & I did too-straight into the “arms” of the police (juvenile aid) lectured us – searched bags. And took my & [privacy omission]‘s names, addresses, ages etc. WHY US? […I have wondered about this and the simplest conclusion I could come to was that we were the only two girls …and maybe from a (still gender-biased point of view) they were more concerned with our safety, amongst a group of boys …if you catch my drift? But I am purely speculating…] We were going to leave, but went back. [Privacy omission] left with Jay & I rang mum to say I was staying at Mark’s. (told her about that & she seemed OK) so we hung round for ages, till Sandra P came & Chris, Mark & I got a lift to Greenslopes & Pease → walked so far then→

Friday 20/11/87

A Life in Words
Hangin’ in town on the last day of school

→stopped & talked .. about the accident a lot. Ended up sitting down on the road, but in the bike lane part. Talking & saw headlights. I said “he’s going to turn” but he didn’t indicate & looked like he was going straight ahead till he was 3m away- turned really quickly & slammed on brakes -stopping just before hitting us- the Police! (Great – twice in one nite) [you little dissident, you!] They said there’d been a break & enter 2 mins away- told us off & told us to clear out. We walked away & stood shaking .. we’d just been talking about the accident and we nearly got run down by a cop car!!! [yes, I see the irony in that] At Mark’s we mucked around, then got down to business .. then got 1-2 hrs sleep .. and made love again in the morning. He said [privacy omission, even though they were nice things]. So mum picked us (& Chris) up (I got changed first of course) & at school, got photos – bummed round doing nothing in particular. Mark & a whole heap of guys went to Crystals. We ended up Megan, Fi, Jo & I going driving around town (& Saints) I got a big white Tshirt & white skirt from Kaffa, for the Valedictory Dinner. At home I rushed to get ready -got to Marks & went to the DDIAE talks. [….an information session I assume, for one of the tertiary institutions to which I had applied] BORING. The Valedictory Dinner I spent nearly all my time with mima & Fi. Hardly with Mark. He left earlier than I. It made me depressed- it was a massive anti-climax. [I neglected to include the ‘award’ I received – in conjunction with Mark – at the dinner. The photo below will forever remind me of it. Basically, thanks to a couple of large & very obvious hickies Mark had given me at different times throughout the year, I was presented with a can of Aeroguard insect repellant to protect myself  from big mosquitoes (like Mark) in the future. We were both called up for the presentation but poor Mark was left standing there to dwell in his jovial embarrassment empty-handed.] So that, at Brett’s party (seeing there was barely anyone there

A Life in Words
That’s me walking off to the left – slightly embarrassed – with my Aeroguard insect repellant trophy.

Saturday 21/11/87

→anyway, I did not feel like partying (no drink or anything) I felt like a joint -but that made me angrier -waited ages for it, then didn’t get any. FUCKED! I walked back in, myself really pissed off & [privacy omission] outside said Mark went to Freshy school looking for me. I found him.. and the effect of beer bongs hit him (hard) We lay down on the grass & he was deliriously mumbling; I finally dragged him to my place, seeing Chris (& Jo for the first time that nite) on the way- telling them to tell Fi I couldn’t stay. Mark was really stuffed. That was about 1:30. Woken 8:00, he left around 9:10- [privacy omission] I rang mima & Fi & her picked me up- got KFC (Kentucky) ate at Esplanade. At the shop I helped Fi (her mum was sick – mima at hair show practise) till Martin & Mr D came rang Mark at home, then went virtually straight away to his place. Mucked around – Keith came over – we went for a drive to the beach (Trinity) & ate pizza. Picked up my clothes on the way back to Mark’s. Mucked around 4 ages … went to Chris’s late .. swam, drank gin & tarina (!) Then Glyn rang said there was a party (Peta W’s – Jo was there – she’d rung (and told me she was going) at Mark’s) Cameron came (Mark & I rode quickly & got dressed)→

Sunday 22/11/87

→ And we got a cab. Cameron & I got out .. Mark, Chris & Glyn further up.. they ran the cab, and, sure enough, it came back to us. So stupid. [Yep. And since lying is not my forte, the cabbie’s interrogation wasn’t fun for me. We pretended we were just cab-sharing with the other guys and didn’t know them very well. When pressed for any names, the best I could come up with was John Smith. Yep, duh. And Cameron sure didn’t let me live that down, either…] We found them, then Aumuller St ..saw Brendan L & he said it was DEAD. So we walked to Draper St (Samanda C’s) Party .. small party it was & everyone was being told to leave once we got there. Were desperate for a cab lift home – finally got one with Trevor G to chris’s. Mark & I walked to his place & after a shower- bombed. No sex. In the morning I woke 8:45- he woke around 10:00 to the phone. Mucked around right up until noon, I think (yeah, beautiful LM) [←my semi-modest abbreviation for ‘love making’] Bacon & scrambled eggs brekky, wasted time then he dropped me home. Mum, Julia, & 2nd cous. Lyn came home & I rang Jo, then we went to the beaches (at Clifton I looked for Phillip’s place- NO hope! [privacy omission]) At home before 4:00, waited. (filling in diary from past 4 days/5 days) rang Fi waited. At 7:30 I rang him. Said he thought I was meant to ring him (said he was gonna ring me anyway) writing a big letter -prob. is don’t have enough time to make it really big : only 4 pages so far & I’d wanted to write over 32 (novel size!!) [He was about to go overseas on a family holiday and I’d decided to write him a huge letter – yep, like a novel – for something to do …but also, to keep him thinking of me. Oh the things we do…] A Life in WordsMovie was good. But I’m so dead!! [How dead? Apparently 4 underlines worth – see pic]

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Sydney Sights, Letter-Writes & Fandangled People-Moving Apparatus (15-21 December)

Monday 15/12/86

Today we went to ‘downtown’ Chatswood. (local shopping area) It was so good! Escalators galore! I love those things! A Life in Words[Uh, yes, a strange sentiment it may be but believe it or not, in 1986 there was not one escalator in Cairns. Of course I knew what they were, but never having ridden ‘moving stairs’ can you blame me for being excited? Ah, the small things…] I bought a new purse/wallet $17, grey leather – beaut! Also a pair of $9.95 hoops, but I want to take them back – I don’t need them. or want them, really. [Frugal, honest & practical] And from my Xmas prezzy ($30 voucher at Katies) from Geoff, [I got] a $24 dress (singlet – navy & white stripe) And a $3 silver bangle to go with my charm bracelet. I thought about Mark, mostly, when I was looking for presents, cards etc. But I didn’t get to start writing letters tonight. It will have to be tomorrow for mim & Fi or else [they won’t get them in time…before Christmas. I know it seems way too early to stress about, but I do recall Australia Post warning people to allow up to 6 working days for mail & parcel deliveries, due to the naturally heavier workload the season brought]. And I really want to get one sent to mark (not sure about cameron.) Oh, I am missing them – but only when I think about them – that’s sometimes quite often. Some gorgeous guys in town – one in particular wearing a navy blue jacket – yum is 10:08 (9:08 Qld)

Tuesday 16/12/86

It’s 9:30 (8:30 in youknowwhere) [yes, we fully get the picture by now] well, I finished 3 letters tonight – Fi, mima and Dad. Today we went to SYDNEY [the CITY]. The centrepoint (Sydney) tower was alright. We didn’t get to go to the levels with the shops on. Just the highest – for viewing. Got about 5 piccies of certain things. Walked round. All I bought today was a silver ring $2 and $3.60 worth of stamps. Must post them early tomorrow. Hope they get there in time. [Hmmm, starting to ‘push it’ now…] Still don’t know whether to write to Mark or not. Would love to. But..!?! It’s 9:55 now (I stopped to have a shower. Am looking forward to sleep – got a little sick, dizzy (exhaustion) towards the late afternoon ‘fore we went home. On the train, gorgeous guy standing near the door (& me) Yum, Yum, Yum yum. Must hurry & buy some prezzies soon. NIGHT !!! Yes! [NO idea what this random “yes” was all about…]

Wednesday 17/12/86

A Life in Words
Pulling up a park bench at the zoo

Today we went to Taronga Park Zoo. Woke earlier than ever today. Jodie & I had to race over the the Post Office at 10:10, to get my letters to Dad, Fi & mim posted in the 10:30 post. Saw bears, and an elephant and giraffes and seals and rhinoceroses (!!) and tigers. And the seal show was great. I used up the rest of my film – need a new one now! [For those too young to recall life before mobile phones & digital photography, all of our photos required actual cameras and film reels, which you had to load inside the camera carefully or risk destroying (usually through ‘light damage’). You didn’t get any second chances with photos back then: you had no idea what the quality of your shots would be until you collected the printed images (hard copies!) from a developer …which could sometimes take days…] Was warmer today than it’s been since I’ve been here. My skin is really dry too. [Drastically different humidity levels in Sydney, compared to Far North Queensland] Wrote to Monique – about 8 page letter. Too chicken to write to mark; even a short note. Couldn’t think what to write. Maybe I will try. Dunno. It’s 10:15 (9:15 Qld) Mark’d probly be going to $ night tonite. Please, be true to me boy. Don’t get with anyone. You won’t will you??? [Um, where was it written that you two are an item? Deluded! …or to be fair, more like Naive.] Going to Chatswood tomorrow – take back those hoop earrings. Get back my $9.95¢ Late night again.

Thursday 18/12/86

It’s 11:37 (10:37 Qld) we’ve just gotten back from babysitting down the road. Cute kids! Rather well behaved too! Bludged today. I actually WROTE A LETTER TO MARK!!! Met Nicole – Jodie’s friend – a real scream! Played some board games then, before leaving for beach around 1:00, played a nasty trick on Michael – locked up house, left a note & hid the car – thought we’d gone without him! Beach was warm nowhere near as hot as Cairns – water was freezing and bigger waves than in Cairns. [Yes, something to do with Cairns being much closer to the equator, and having a huge ‘barrier’ reef protecting it from ocean swells…] Here’s a guest; [my cousin Jo wrote basically one sentence, which I’m omitting for the sake of her privacy] “Hello diary ….. Lotsa luv Jo xxx” Still missing mates, esp. after writing to Mark. Going to Chatswood tomorrow instead. Will get that card I think [what card? My guess is that I’d found one I’d like to have given to Mark.]

Friday 19/12/86

I got a pair of black shoes! Flat, pointed toe for $40. But, boy, have I some blisters! A Life in WordsAfter the Opera House tonight & town (Chatswood) today, my feet are probly on strike! Opera House was really ‘grand’. The concert/show was rather “bright” – more interesting than I thought it’d be. That’s all I got in Chatswood, though. we caught the bus in today & I heard Lady in Red on the radio. [There was a newly created sentiment attached to this song; if you’d liked to know why, take a look at this post] I miss Mark. I thought at the Xmas show tonight how I’d love to spend all my xmases with him. [Good Gawd… those bloody rose-coloured glasses…] Oh woe! Woe is me! It’s 10:05. I’m hot! Not anything like Cairns tho’. Just hotest I’ve ever been in the night time, down here. Going to Blue mountains tomorrow. Oh dear…. Dunno what to get Jodie, Jules… everyone!!

Saturday 20/12/86

A Life in Words
the Mean Machine

I wrote to Cameron & Sharon today, and sent them too. They’ll probably get them just before Xmas. (leaves them practically no time to reply – as if they will anyway) Did nothing this morning. Slept in to 9:30. Listened to music Went to the Aquatic Centre (Jules didn’t) and saw Neil Brooks from the Mean Machine there. [The Mean Machine were a male Aussie medley swim team who made an unexpected victory at the 1980 Moscow Olympics, essentially because the USA boycotted said Games. All members of the quartet were retired by this time. In the picture (left) Brooks is on the far left with his fist in the air.] Told Jo all about Mark, right from the start – Angie M’s 1st party. Got ready for “Blue Mountains” party. Was boring after all (not that I expected it to be a rage) must relax tomorrow – sleep in late. Thinking a lot about mark when I was telling Jo about him – wondering Wish there was some way for sure that I could find out if he liked me a real real lot. [Pie-in-the-sky stuff, Liss. Oh so much yet to learn…] Julia seems to think so. Oh dear! Is 1:23. Must get good sleep. Black-bags-under-my-eyes DISAPPEAR

Sunday 21/12/86

Smelliest farts. Yukky. Embarrassing. [Uh-huh.] Did nothing today, practically. Woke 9:20. Lazed in bed till 11:00. At lunchtime, listened to music, looked after rabbits all day. A Life in Words[My cousin Jo had pet rabbits. See the (very poor quality) photo (I’d taken with my 80’s camera) on the right. Such cute little things!] Went for a walk to the shop in the arvy – bought ice-cream & a choc. bar. PIGGY. Played board games. Is 10:08 (10:10) Realised this year’s almost over – will be the 11th last time I write in this diary – thats’ something I’ve gotta get – a new diary. And everyone’s prezzies. I haven’t got one single present, for anyone. Will not have time either. STUFF IT SHIT. Hope Mark does reply. I’m “hoping” a lot about him lately. Oh dear; what am I to do? Uncle Peter in crappiest moods. [Could it possibly have anything to do with 4 misbehaving children?] Esp. today with Jodie were all s’posed to go to bed at 9.00 Auntie Hilary got uptight too and said “well we won’t do anything tomorrow then either”. And slammed the door (on mikes’ foot) Better go. Must sleep & wake early. Oh Mark ♥