Transgression & Reunion: the Final Week of School (16-22 November)

Monday 16/11/87

I’m not feeling overly happy. And it’s got nothing to do with the fact that I failed my maths, for sure .. it’s to do with mark. [Surprise surprise] It doesn’t bother me [hang on, have I just back-flipped here?] -I’m not sure if it’s really my problem- but there’s some slight depression, unhappiness, melancholy, hanging over me. I don’t know what or how. I can’t explain. Maybe it’s just a “down” period. [Alcohol is classed as a depressant drug, just sayin’. And with hormones naturally surging through your teenaged body, the combined result’s not going to be rosy…] Apparently (I didn’t talk to Mark today only saw him briefly, twice, but he rang me) [privacy omission] thought he’d given me the lovebites and she’d said “Bastard” or something like that. I feel good, but not really -it’s not reassuring enough- I still must talk to him. A Life in WordsI couldn’t tonight – we were getting on so well (on the phone) and he’d said (when I tried to give him shit about [her]) “it’s terrible, isn’t it?” when I said about [her] calling him a bastard. I HATE IT. It hurts me. [Because I interpreted it as him discounting MY feelings. But reading this back now, it seems equally possible that he may have been disregarding her (alleged) response, in order to hearten me. Again, who knows?] I need to let him know: fast. Oh, why me? I feel so down. Got my Euroka [our school magazine/yearbook] not as good as last year’s. May have passed my chem prac. (probly not with my luck) Not at all worried about chem exam- I don’t care. Is 10:00 now – will probly be up a while yet.

Tuesday 17/11/87

WOW. It’s 11:30- I’d wanted an early nite – in preparation for 2morrow. Oh well. I wrote to Lucy & actually, to all the tertiary institutions, that I needed to, so it’s all out of the way, finally!! (Post it all tomorrow) Ugh! What a day! Woke – went to psycologist -she was nice- talked to my ♥’s content – she feels (& I know) it [the accident] has benefitted me – the trauma made me much stronger – self-determined etc. more will & potential to succeed now than I ever would’ve had before [hmm, except academically…] (& the break-up with Mark helped too) So, at home after, didn’t feel like studying anymore[!]– chem exam a big ha, ha. (tho’ I think I shall be better than maths!) Home after Glyn & Cameron popped around ..Glyn saw my [contraceptive] pills (great – I’ll never hear the end of it) Fi’s ringing me back 2 morrow to finalize plans for 2morrow. I rang mark but was at Keith’s watching a video (my guess is [privacy omission]‘s muff) anyway- he rang me – it was almost 10:00, I think! short phone call. Oh god I’m tired. 2morrow nite – I can’t wait!

Wednesday 18/11/87

Well, I woke up to Fi’s phonecall, around 8:00 – I was DEAD! And we were in town around 8:45/9:00. A Life in WordsWe looked around after buying photographic paper, then walked to Fi’s shop to get the car. I failed my learners: one question wrong (because I’d studied from an old book – they’d changed the rule) [I can’t for the life of me remember what that changed rule was] Didn’t see mark at all today. Nor Jo. I couldn’t find a damn thing to wear to the Valedictory Dinner (we picked mima up after her exam-bought her flowers!!) in town, let alone out tonite. Went over to see Cynthia (Fi dropped me there) Had Kentucky Fried for tea; had to rush at home, to get to mima’s (I got a skirt to wear) At Scandals, I had a Kahlua & milk + 2 banana dacquiris – at Croc. Rock, barely talked to Mark, to start with. Had one explosion [the super-toxic, flaming cocktail to which I’d become partial] with Cameron, then another with Mark (his first) we ended up talking (he was quite drunk) alone for ages – about us. I can’t remember everything [he said] & what I do, I don’t have room for!! Was good – he said I turn him on the most all the others were substitutes – he’d put off & put off getting with them. We didn’t get together cause he didn’t want people saying he did it cause he was drunk- respects me too much. Fi came up & told me

Thursday 19/11/87

→we were leaving- he & she talked & when driving me home, she said he said “there’s only one person I love more than you- (that’s elissa)” so, I woke 7:30 – very dead. The art test was boring – not really very easy – just basic (difference!) [Wow. Did I really get on the piss heavily the night before an exam? I never realised I was so badass…] After, I missed mark, but waited round the school area for most of the afternoon (well, a bit: went to Fi’s [parents’] shop & I lay down out the back, trying to get some sleep for tonite (from last nite!)) Jason took me home… I ended up not resting there ..had to rush to get ready for the movies. A Life in WordsLIVING DAYLIGHTS was cool. (Jay drove mima & I there) We walked to Esplanade after (saw Steven at International Hostel [a guy I’d pashed a few weeks back] – he ‘giggled’ mima said) then drove to the school. Mark & Chris were drinking first – it was a mess – it was stupid – idiot K. was throwing furniture etc. Not many there. [It’s pretty much an unwritten seniors’ tradition to ‘prank’ the school for their final day… I’d envisaged organised decoration (the OCD in me) so was pretty disappointed to find a bunch of somewhat aggressive drunk guys just making a huge mess.] Then the guys went for a swim [breaking into the school’s pool enclosure] & threw a bin [full] of water at me (Keith) & the guys all hit into him) [I think I was wearing a white top so was more concerned with modesty than the fact that I was actually sopping wet] then there was a cry of Police. I don’t know why, but some people ran, & [privacy omission] & I did too-straight into the “arms” of the police (juvenile aid) lectured us – searched bags. And took my & [privacy omission]‘s names, addresses, ages etc. WHY US? […I have wondered about this and the simplest conclusion I could come to was that we were the only two girls …and maybe from a (still gender-biased point of view) they were more concerned with our safety, amongst a group of boys …if you catch my drift? But I am purely speculating…] We were going to leave, but went back. [Privacy omission] left with Jay & I rang mum to say I was staying at Mark’s. (told her about that & she seemed OK) so we hung round for ages, till Sandra P came & Chris, Mark & I got a lift to Greenslopes & Pease → walked so far then→

Friday 20/11/87

A Life in Words
Hangin’ in town on the last day of school

→stopped & talked .. about the accident a lot. Ended up sitting down on the road, but in the bike lane part. Talking & saw headlights. I said “he’s going to turn” but he didn’t indicate & looked like he was going straight ahead till he was 3m away- turned really quickly & slammed on brakes -stopping just before hitting us- the Police! (Great – twice in one nite) [you little dissident, you!] They said there’d been a break & enter 2 mins away- told us off & told us to clear out. We walked away & stood shaking .. we’d just been talking about the accident and we nearly got run down by a cop car!!! [yes, I see the irony in that] At Mark’s we mucked around, then got down to business .. then got 1-2 hrs sleep .. and made love again in the morning. He said [privacy omission, even though they were nice things]. So mum picked us (& Chris) up (I got changed first of course) & at school, got photos – bummed round doing nothing in particular. Mark & a whole heap of guys went to Crystals. We ended up Megan, Fi, Jo & I going driving around town (& Saints) I got a big white Tshirt & white skirt from Kaffa, for the Valedictory Dinner. At home I rushed to get ready -got to Marks & went to the DDIAE talks. [….an information session I assume, for one of the tertiary institutions to which I had applied] BORING. The Valedictory Dinner I spent nearly all my time with mima & Fi. Hardly with Mark. He left earlier than I. It made me depressed- it was a massive anti-climax. [I neglected to include the ‘award’ I received – in conjunction with Mark – at the dinner. The photo below will forever remind me of it. Basically, thanks to a couple of large & very obvious hickies Mark had given me at different times throughout the year, I was presented with a can of Aeroguard insect repellant to protect myself  from big mosquitoes (like Mark) in the future. We were both called up for the presentation but poor Mark was left standing there to dwell in his jovial embarrassment empty-handed.] So that, at Brett’s party (seeing there was barely anyone there

A Life in Words
That’s me walking off to the left – slightly embarrassed – with my Aeroguard insect repellant trophy.

Saturday 21/11/87

→anyway, I did not feel like partying (no drink or anything) I felt like a joint -but that made me angrier -waited ages for it, then didn’t get any. FUCKED! I walked back in, myself really pissed off & [privacy omission] outside said Mark went to Freshy school looking for me. I found him.. and the effect of beer bongs hit him (hard) We lay down on the grass & he was deliriously mumbling; I finally dragged him to my place, seeing Chris (& Jo for the first time that nite) on the way- telling them to tell Fi I couldn’t stay. Mark was really stuffed. That was about 1:30. Woken 8:00, he left around 9:10- [privacy omission] I rang mima & Fi & her picked me up- got KFC (Kentucky) ate at Esplanade. At the shop I helped Fi (her mum was sick – mima at hair show practise) till Martin & Mr D came rang Mark at home, then went virtually straight away to his place. Mucked around – Keith came over – we went for a drive to the beach (Trinity) & ate pizza. Picked up my clothes on the way back to Mark’s. Mucked around 4 ages … went to Chris’s late .. swam, drank gin & tarina (!) Then Glyn rang said there was a party (Peta W’s – Jo was there – she’d rung (and told me she was going) at Mark’s) Cameron came (Mark & I rode quickly & got dressed)→

Sunday 22/11/87

→ And we got a cab. Cameron & I got out .. Mark, Chris & Glyn further up.. they ran the cab, and, sure enough, it came back to us. So stupid. [Yep. And since lying is not my forte, the cabbie’s interrogation wasn’t fun for me. We pretended we were just cab-sharing with the other guys and didn’t know them very well. When pressed for any names, the best I could come up with was John Smith. Yep, duh. And Cameron sure didn’t let me live that down, either…] We found them, then Aumuller St ..saw Brendan L & he said it was DEAD. So we walked to Draper St (Samanda C’s) Party .. small party it was & everyone was being told to leave once we got there. Were desperate for a cab lift home – finally got one with Trevor G to chris’s. Mark & I walked to his place & after a shower- bombed. No sex. In the morning I woke 8:45- he woke around 10:00 to the phone. Mucked around right up until noon, I think (yeah, beautiful LM) [←my semi-modest abbreviation for ‘love making’] Bacon & scrambled eggs brekky, wasted time then he dropped me home. Mum, Julia, & 2nd cous. Lyn came home & I rang Jo, then we went to the beaches (at Clifton I looked for Phillip’s place- NO hope! [privacy omission]) At home before 4:00, waited. (filling in diary from past 4 days/5 days) rang Fi waited. At 7:30 I rang him. Said he thought I was meant to ring him (said he was gonna ring me anyway) writing a big letter -prob. is don’t have enough time to make it really big : only 4 pages so far & I’d wanted to write over 32 (novel size!!) [He was about to go overseas on a family holiday and I’d decided to write him a huge letter – yep, like a novel – for something to do …but also, to keep him thinking of me. Oh the things we do…] A Life in WordsMovie was good. But I’m so dead!! [How dead? Apparently 4 underlines worth – see pic]

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The School Mag, Some Sewing & A Dip in the Pool (3-9 November)

Monday 3/11/86

A Life in Words
My (now very aged) copy of the 1986 CHS yearbook

It’s in there [in our school magazine, ‘Euroka’]. That photo [one that was taken of Mark & I at a dance back in August – I was kind of obsessed with it. If you’d like to re/acquaint yourself with that episode, take a look at this post and the one that succeeds it: 11-17 August]. On page 7. At first I was embarrassed but I am glad its in there (not telling anyone (well almost) that, tho!) Cameron talking to me in chem. about Sunday. Told me none of them got sleep (him, Mark, Brett H) Chris, Glynn and Alan D were all in the beds at Cameron’s place so they sat in chairs!!! Were going to ring us up and tell us to take them to the beach and come over and make them something to eat! (wish they did!!) [Wish they did? …at first reading this horrified me; did I really want to be treated like a… like a 1950’s housewife? But to be fair to my little self, I know that my only desire was to spend more time around Mark.] At aerobics saw a cute guy who Mark & Cameron were talking to at Croc. Rock. Dylan [don’t recall that one (guy) at all] yummy!! I love the Euroka! I’ve coloured in pictures…I think I’ve wrecked it , but stuff it – it’s too late now!! I really don’t know about Mark. [What? Know what? Such confusion…] Am tired (not really) is 9:50. Did no HW. Oh well!!

Tuesday 4/11/86

A Life in Words
the ‘designated space’ for signatures on the back cover was never enough…

Got lotsa signatures – however the only guys were Duane, Chris K and Nev. Duane wrote a really nice one. He’s so nice. I wrote a nice one to him too (funny). Didn’t have the guts to get Mark to sign, let alone all the rest of the guys. Oh well, take it tomorrow & see what happens. I really wonder about Mark. I dream . . . wish. [Oh yes. We know, we know…] Mum dropped me to school again this morning – her offer, tho! Julia stayed home – extremely tired (what from – we don’t know) And in sweepstakes at Geoff’s work – her horse got 3rd in the Melbourne cup, so she won $8. Mine I don’t know what happened to it – “Just Now”. [Damn, I just consulted Dr Google and discovered she won the Oaks in Sydney just two days later.] Raining a lot today. Didn’t get a seat on the way home again. fucking annoying. I hate the bus. [Oh how prophetic those words were… If you don’t already know what I’m talking about, you’ll find out in about 3 months’ time…] Is about 9:00. waste all my time colouring in my Euroka. Did no HW again today. Double bio tomorrow, again. Blech! Got 20/40 for my test – probly worst in the class.

Wednesday 5/11/86

Guess what? (again!) I got him to sign – 5th period Bio. Him & Duane had it the whole lesson. Donna & I looked at it on the way to little lunch [I had to have meant ‘big lunch’ here, because 4th & 5th period came after little lunch]. This is what he wrote on the front cover: “To dear Elissa, you’re my favourite lolly-pop lady. Hope that what happened is forgotten. [My guess is that this refers to his behaviour on the night of the final performance of our school musical, back in late August. Click here if you’d like a recap.] I hope to see you & your friends out more (crocodile rock) See you next year in ’87’ ‘GRADE 12’ UNREAL Then a monstrous signature. the buddiesAnd a cartoon Got neatest writing. Then throughout the book graffiti – on our photo. This is great… he liquid papered out the saying [you know how yearbook creators put those speech & thought ‘bubbles’ in over some photos? see pic] & wrote in. “So how about you & me going to a movie!” CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? A Life in WordsAs soon as I got to school, even, Kathy showed me what he wrote in hers – near our photo again something like “Hi Cathy. Mark. I don’t like this photo of me much but I do like this one” (me!) my signings increased so much today.. aerobics fun speech funny. Jeez I don’t believe what happened today. Don’t know how to reply to Mark’s invitation – even whether it’s a joke or not. 9:00

Thursday 6/11/86

Didn’t talk to him – have no guts! Poor guy – probly thinks I hate him (how dare he?) Hope he’s at Megan’s party tomorrow night – that’d be excellent. Rainy weather makes it cool.. wore sharon’s jumper for awhile today. Did a big ‘picture’ of Mark! Tonight, I enlarged a traced picture from Euroka and it turned out excellent!! I’ve stuck it on my wall tonight so I can look at it in the morning when I wake up. [oh dear] Love it! (Love him) Cameron wrote something decent in my mag. today – really sweet too… “Elissa, one of my close friends, hope you had a great ’86. Keep on smilin’, Cameron.” I thought it was so sweet. Sometimes I really feel like giving him a big hug!! Must tell him to go to Mege’s party! Is 10:00 – will be so tired tomorrow night  Can’t wait.

Friday 7/11/86

Ate one piece of pizza & watched a (silly) video, in art. Took up 4th, 5th, big lunch & 6th. I got so damned excited in chemistry about the party . Couldn’t wait – was practically having ‘fits’. Off the bus rode over & picked up Fi’s silk shirt. Was only  a very little behind time – began making a bag but didn’t get it finished so wrapped it up like a “bundle” (swag) Neat! Got to Pancake House. Sharon & I went for a walk met Fi & mima & some others. Back at P.H., Mark, Cam, Duane, Chris & Steven were there. I sat next to cam. Drank a fair bit. I got very tipsy – probly the closest I’ve ever come to ‘drunk‘. Was good – I really thought M. liked me. Talked a lot afterwards, waiting for a lift with Brent (Duane too.) At the party things changed. I got upset. [Here we go again…] Fiona spent heaps of time with him – I was pushed in the pool & being in this “state” wet[you mean drunk? Oh, upset. Upset …and drunk] began crying – alright tho – talking heaps to Cameron – told him how much I love him (as a great friend) [Haha, ‘textbook’ drinking behaviour] About Mark – Fi talked heaps to him about me. I think he doesn’t like me. Only wants to be friends.

Saturday 8/11/86

I didn’t talk to him again that night avoided him all the time – Sharon got with him. was all over him that made it worse. Cried with mimey – [privacy omission here] –  will take ages for me to ‘hate’ (well, not love) him (anymore) Fi spent so much time talking – she wasn’t with him – I trusted her to tell me the truth. And Cameron & Fi were the ones I was “looking for” all night. Esp. when I was being harassed by guys like Jahrad B Michael I. Chris, Duane & Cameron, esp the latter one, I decided are my best male friends. Duane is so nice. Everyone knew I was upset about Mark. In the end, when the guys finally left and we were revved for disobeying instructions (I’m sure Megan hates me) watched videos all night drifted off very little. Had snacks around 3:00. I tried to get Fi to tell me what they talked about – [she said it was] just why monique & I wouldn’t talk to him. [This has just made me realise Monique wasn’t at the party. I wonder why? I’ll bet I’d wished she was when Sharon started acting out with Mark…] Nicole I made friends with. In fact we hung round a fair bit early morning. Went home around 9:30 I think. Slept today – too tired to study much & I almost finished the bag – Is bloody excellent for an amateur I reckon!! Thinking alot; mark – if he only wants to be friends, why did he write so nice about me in Cathy’s Euroka? [I’m really searching for some Hope, huh?] (The movies thing was a “joke” – Duane told him to write it) And cameron my best friend. Really confused I am. REALLY CONFUSED. And tired. Early night tonight (Broke diet badly last night & lost my purse with $10 in it SHIT [Believe it or not, ten dollars warranted getting a little upset about back then. Nowadays it’s only two coffees.]A Life in Words

Sunday 9/11/86

Today I rather wasted. [Surprise, surprise!] Did very little to continue Bio studies. Besides that, I sewed. Mum was having a sewing day – fixing up mending – using up material. I scored  2 new pairs of shorts + a skirt (I haven’t finished yet) and of course, my bag is not yet finished, but looking excellent (well I think so!) Fi rang late this arvy – didn’t tell me anything new. she thinks he’s strange, too. said he really wants to talk to me. I don’t know if I can, I’d like to but I also don’t want to. [What?] Ha! Hot, rather, today! No rain clouds in sight today. Pity. I should do some work before I go bed – is 8:35 now. Should I? I’m to that tired – shouldn’t take me long to attempt it – I’ll see… well, nothing else to say except I’m going to see to it that everyone except Fi thinks I don’t like him anymore. [Hahaha] NITE NITE  Turn over a new leaf! →