Stevie Wonder was excellent! [I saw him twice on this day: he made a special appearance at our school and then I attended his concert …] Today was really good! Got Jo, and at school took last photos, wasted remaining exposures [on ourselves, see right]– folios [proper commercially manufactured ones] not suitable + too expensive (saw Mr. W) late for parade! Everyone loved my new shoes! Bludge in chem & maths. Didn’t see Mark at little lunch. Double art I raced around getting my folio completed – at lunchtime went to the hall. with Cameron, Chris Glyn, Brett, Jo, Justine, Fi & Mima – a laugh waiting for Stevie to arrive. [I don’t know for sure, but I’ve always assumed that Stevie Wonder’s appearance at our school was directly related to the bus accident: a compassionate response by the man. At the time however a reason wasn’t warranted; we were pretty darned excited simply because international stars rarely visited Cairns, let alone to our school.] Stuart smiled at me & I didn’t know what to do after I smiled back – I was really embarrassed! He [Stevie] finally came around 2:00 and talked & sang (a little) till 3:00 (missed eng & biol – yay!) Only talked to Mark a little after school. Picked Jo up around 5:45. . pizza tea. Not many people we knew at the concert – not many people full stop- but they made the noise of a big crowd!! At the end I saw a guy who talked to me (really cute) I think it was James from Playpen. see – I can’t really remember what they both looked like [uh, yeah: this is but one of the many effects copious amounts of alcohol will have upon you] – but he was cute!! YUM YUM Jo’s flipped! [as in, she thought he was very attractive too…]
Whilst I actually can’t recall whether Stevie sang “I Just Called to Say I Love You” during his appearance at our school, I had to include it because it holds the most sentiment for me: firstly – and of less relevance – I think of it as my father and stepmother’s anthem, since they met around the time it was released in 1984 and I remember Dad literally singing it on the phone to Jenny at some stage (I’m fairly sure it was also their wedding song). But at our 20th Year School Reunion (2007) our principal performed an amazing operatic rendition for us (unbeknownst to many of us he was a classically trained singer) not merely because Stevie’s historic visit was a highlight of our senior year, but also for the lyrical sentiment.
talked to Mark a fair bit today. And Stuart, well, it’s really wierd – I’M SHY!! [People still don’t believe this about me, to this day. I am inherently shy.] I can’t bring myself to even look at him, in case he looks at me. But I’d really like to talk to him. Shit. I can’t believe exams start on Thursday & I haven’t even begun to study. All my artwork’s done now (marked too) Oh, I forgot to ring Jo – [she] was away at Fitzroy with Mark [‘her’ Mark, not ‘mine’]. Talked a lot in biol. chris reckons some St’s guys said I was going out with Trevor G. No way! “I barely know the guy.” Chris said “Well, they know you!” SKINT! [At the time, I was more chuffed than confused: “guys I didn’t know, knew of me? Wow!” But retrospectively, I sense this could have had a kind of unsavoury edge to it: I mean, how would a rumour about me ‘dating’ a guy I hardly knew begin to circulate? Had I gained a reputation of ‘some kind’?] Watched the water polo today – Mark in it. What an arse that guy has!! Lost my diamonté bracelet sometime from 7th p. chem. till when I got home (we dropped cameron home this arvy) Great, huh?! […sarcasm about the loss of my bracelet, not ‘elation’ for giving a mate a ride home…] I’m so tired – that’s the only reason I haven’t studied – nearly fell asleep this arvy. Mark rang to find out what prac. it was we had to do for 2 morrow. V. short phone call. We still need to have that “talk” yet, I wonder!!! So tired tonite – I can’t wait! 10 days till it’s all over! (& that’s including days I don’t have exams!) WOW! Great! [I’m surprised I was so eager for the end of school, considering I had no set plans for the future. I think I was more focussed at this point in time on the post-school, pre-Christmas partying I had imagined there would be. Like school holidays but with a more significant sense of freedom. *Sigh* So short-sighted…]
Today was quite exciting! Our last working day at school. Actually, I didn’t feel emotional at all.. I just had fun running round doing things we don’t normally do – signing each other’s clothes [see my school skirt above] -signing walls tables, etc getting photos taken – doing no work despite exams! Rearranging rooms & furniture! I talked a fair bit to Mark today. He gave me a note – I was speechless after I read it. I don’t understand what he’s trying to say- he realizes he needs me, he thinks I’m changing too fast .. he can’t understand me. Oh dear – we need a talk (big talk) soon. Wonder if that’s what he was going to say on Saturday night He doesn’t talk to Nicole anymore – wonder if he said anything to her? he loves me & needs me. I can’t believe he needs me. Anyway it’s almost 12:00 – I’ve been studying english – I must do well in this – I need to get over 82% Mark wanted to fight Stuart W. today. Why? But everyone’s saying he’s signing his own deathwish – Stuart’s black belt in karate. Well! Looks like TD & him are back together. Stewart P. drove by school this arvy. I had so much fun esp. this arvy.
It happened today- Mark & Stewart fought – end of little lunch (after my disgustingly difficult english exam- so much for a VH overall! That was some hard test!) I nearly choked on my hot dog – Mark’s shirt was destroyed- had a blood nose. Why were they fighting? [I never found out. Or if I did, I can’t remember why, but I’m fairly sure that it bore no relevance to me …to my knowledge.] FOOLS. God, I don’t understand… [you wouldn’t Liss, physical combat is a testosterone thing…] we didn’t get to talk today, but before he left, I talked to him briefly- was being very nice. I rang mum – answering machine on. Sat & waited, & waited & waited. At home did 1st chapter – all arvy. Is now almost 11:30 and I’m nearly totally unprepared for the rest of the exam. I so badly need to do well in it. SHIT! Mark actually rang this arvy – wanted to come around to have that talk, but I was studying. [Damn, you may have had a better chance of discovering the reason for the fight…] He’s coming over 2morrow – after his geog. exam. [I’m] Nervous! Bloody biol. It’s not fair – if only I’d not been so pushed for time, I could’ve started earlier like I’d wanted to. [Um, if you hadn’t been partying like a rockstar for the past four-to-five weeks…] Shit, shit, shit! Am so tired now Please do me a big favour God- let me do exceptionally well in biol- it’s my last hope. See ya 2morrow. Can’t wait for next week!
Biol wasn’t too bad after all .. I’ll pass it, no sweat, but will I do well enough? That’s the question. It seemed pretty easy, tho’. I didn’t talk too much to Mark today… I didn’t go home straight after the exam either. In fact we waited around till about 2:00! (BORING!) Went for drive (mima had the brown alfa for the day!) Fi dropped me home, where I waited for Mark to come around. I rang his place just after 4:00 and Sandra said he was out .. he rang back at 5:35! I told him I was going out so I’d ring him tomorrow. Well, Jo & I were very late – about 7:45, but thankfully, so was everyone else. [I am only guessing when I say this may have been a dinner for our CAD art class… I can’t imagine what else it could could have been. More detail in future Liss, please!] I had 2 cocktails, and we’d only gotten thru’ 3 courses before everyone started making speeches and crying etc. [Crying? …sounds like our art class…plied with alcohol…] So we all left. At Playpen Jo realized she lost Robbie’s watch and wasn’t happy. Met Angie & we went to Croc. Rock. More people there, but not necessarily a rage. I was so and I mean so drunk – was really off my face – don’t remember quite a few things, except this sleazy guy who (his friend) drove me home & wanted me to “suck him off…” […and this is exactly the kind of thing parents would fear. The intoxicated girl brushes it off in her sense-impaired state, but what if that ‘sleaze’ had been more aggressive? Oh the risks we take in Life… By the way, in case there was a shadow of a doubt, I certainly didn’t fulfill his wish…]
I’ve got lovebites from him. YUK. [Perfect: an unavoidable, (temporary) physical reminder of what getting “off your face” can do to you. The question is, was your lesson learned?] So after stumbling to bed, then to the loo to vomit, slept till about 8:30 (??) Cameron & Glyn came over after weights, for a short while, then Jo rang around 10:00. I rang Mark after that. He said he couldn’t come over – Sandra had the car. Said he’d come when she bought it home. So I did nothing – slept, veged (still drunk!) He came, we didn’t say anything to start with He is sort of going out with [privacy omission]. He won’t say he is- it’s a completely “Physical” relationship. I felt so sick. The talk I feel was fruitless, pointless. [Why? Because you didn’t hear what you wanted or expected to hear?] I wasn’t one bit resolved [the most powerful resolution is the one You make for yourself: there was certainly revelation during this talk… for all your analyzing abilities, could you not reach a resolution for yourself, by yourself?] and after he left (we’d agreed to be friends & build it up, even try before he left [for an overseas family holiday]) But I can’t. Not while I know he’s [privacy omission]. Jo rang, otherwise I did nothing went to bed 7:30 – slept from about 9:30 on. Shit, I can’t do it. I need someone – I’m so dependant – so dependant [this is painfully clear] – God it hurts to know they’re together. I’m gonna have to talk to him Monday or ring him tomorrow – tell him I can’t do it. It’s killing me.
Woke around 9:00 – almost 12hrs of sleep! WOW! But it was a little restless, this sleep. Really depressed a lot of the day -didn’t feel like studying – didn’t care. [Excessive alcohol consumption + a negative experience = certain depression] It’s 9:10 now- I’ve had coffee so it’s useless going to bed. So I may as well study_lot of good that’ll do me. I’ll fail anyway. I really don’t give a fucking shit anymore. Not a shit about anything. I might as well curl up and die. Mima visited tonite, Jo rang this morning, I rang Fi twice & I saw Gordon at Licks when we went to get Pizza for dinner. Wishing Well’s on now. [Another Terence Trent D’Arby song (see below). I was so ‘attached’ to his album…] So what? God I’m pissed off. I’m so sick of life. I hate school & I hate work & I hate myself and I hate Mark. That’s a lie. I hate what he’s done to me. I hate him getting his own way all the time. I can’t let him have it all the time. [So…….] What about me? He doesn’t care – just make himself happy Jo said Stewart didn’t say much about me_ _said he’d been keeping in touch (LIE) said he’d ring me – he WON’T. [Wow, I really got dem ‘bad feels’…]