swim – Page 2 – A Life in Words

Leadership Camp, Day Three (3 February)

Published on February 3, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Tuesday 3/2/87

I kind of ignored him today. After the 1st group session – group dynamics, he walked past me. I didn’t react in any way. I didn’t think he wanted to see me. Bush dancing was next. I had a swim after that. A really long one. He came up to me finally. We talked about it . . he said most beautiful, caring things. I’m sure they’re true. We kissed, yes, near the yacht. [I vaguely recall that small yacht anchored in the dam] (mima, Brent & Glyn saw us) After adventure walk, we, or I swam quickly again to get clean. My ringworm is drying & scabbing – my feet are absolutely covered in blisters and my colds not gone yet. [I completely forgot I’d had a ringworm. I think it’s the only one I’ve ever had in my life, too. It’s somewhat ironic that I was suffering so many ‘minor’ ailments considering what was about to befall us in less than 24 hours’ time.] We had the concert, for which we sat together, Mark hugging me. We got those “warm fuzzies” that we wrote about people back – when I didn’t [get any warm fuzzies] Mark whispered about 10 in my ear [privacy omission]. The concert was great entertainment. So funny then there were “awards” after it. That was funny too. Mark & I [privacy omission] went inside our tent. I spent the next hour or so completely elated. [OMG, what is this? Mills & Boon? FYI, is still not what y’all think either…] we ate a bit before we finally crashed. (when? I don’t even have a clue!)

[Part of the text on this page in the scrapbook has begun to fade, mostly because of the colour I chose to write in…]

during the night last night, jemima woke .. sick & sick still this morning .. we assumed it was the dip she ate last night. [But no one else was sick?] After breakfast time (& a swim!!!!) we assembled to find out what activities we were doing next. Jemima was allowed to sit out of her first two activities. We did “group dynamics” ..another basic get-to-know-each-other exercise + ‘trust’ activities.. being led blindfolded by a partner around the camp for example. After our break, we did bushdancing .. that was .. hmm .. funny (a scream!) At lunch time today, I had a very long swim .. much longer than usual .. (my cold is still there, but not quite as bad.) Adventure walk was the last activity & I thought the best. Exercises to do with balance & co-ordination and strength→ great fun! […and I end up teaching this kind of stuff to people 20 years later…] (Minus the pain of blisters & sunburn) After that I ‘dipped’ quickly to wash off mud while Erica & Monique washed their hair After dinner break, were called for an (earlier) assembly. First we were “lectured” about leadership & those responsibilities etc, but afterwards, the “warm fuzzies” (written by each & every person, for each & every person) were handed out. (However, some people (me for example) didn’t get them because the people who’d written them (or supposed to have written them) didn’t hand them in (or forgot to, like Trina for example)) After this there was a short break when concert entries prepared (or began to prepare) for their items. Then came the awards . . Monique got one for the ‘most pitiful expression’ (the ‘feel sorry for me’ look) [I have absolutely no recollection of that at all] . . [privacy omission] (along with Jody & Lee-anne) for the inseparable couple . . and Mark & Steven the ‘camp scabs’. (To name a few) Finally the concert began and it was quite funny. The first item was a fashion parade (of, of course, the oldest & most daggy clothes) then others followed. . Mark M’s (winning) impersonations, [ha! “winning”! Eatcha heart out, Charlie Sheen] Jody K’s Kiwi warcry [the ‘Haka’] & a few other ‘singular’ & group efforts. This was the best night . . people (surprisingly) had rather early nights .. generally turning out lights & getting shut-eye when the authorities asked. Of course.. the last night & day are usually always the best anyway.

Leadership Camp, Day Two (2 February)

Published on February 2, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 2/2/87

Woken quite early – tent’s going thru’ rain – well, have no worries about getting wet. [Dad always owned good quality camping equipment] Got in groups today- I have Fi, Justine, Lynette C and others. we did “PERSONALITIES”. Was ‘interesting’. we have to write nice things about someone in our group. I got Tricia. Did canoing this arvy – I thought I got my periods Lucky I didn’t. A little boring canoeing was .. too windy to enjoy. Spent little time with Mark today. I can’t handle being around him in group situations like this camp. It’s hard for me. We’re better off on our own. [But hardly realistic…] Tonight we had the bonfire & joke telling Trish & Mark were in a tent together I was really worried. Later they had a “dance”. I stayed alone in the tent crying a little etc. I didn’t see anymore of him that night. I was really upset when everybody came back to the tent they tried to make me feel better. It was a late night, but not quite as late as last night. I was very confused & upset, being told “Nothing happened”. I couldn’t help doubting

[And the scrapbook entry, providing no clue about my emotional condition:]

Weather’s mostly overcast, although there’s not much rain After breakfast time (& a swim) the airhorn sounded & we had an assembly to run through the camp routine. 6 groups & 6 activities were to fill Monday & Tuesday. The groups were mainly of alphabetical order [by surname] Eg: Jemima in group A, me & fiona in group B, monique in group E and Erica in group F. Group B (ours) did “personalities”. Were given out name of one person to write 6 nice things (known as “warm fuzzies” about. The main ‘object’ of this group was to discover differences in arguments. Eg: aggressiveness (aggression!).. we talked about things like smoking, homosexuals, etc. After a free-time break, we did second activity . . canoeing. Justine & I went in Mr Dobe’s canoe .. the safest! Fiona, with Alan & the others had trouble first… we didn’t get too far, before Mr Dobe decided the weather was too bad to carry on. Lunch & free time next (& a swim, of course, for me, anyway) then the last activity for today; the bushwalk . . fantastic. HA HA . . most of it was along bitumen road . . up to a lookout (through some rain of course) & back (oh. .blisters!). another swim & free-time for dinner. Tonight a big bonfire was lit & there was ‘mass’ joke-telling… we sat dozing on David’s lie-low .. Erica, Monique, Cameron, Chris & David. After there was a (sort-of) dance (but I party-pooped & stayed in our tent) When that finished we were allowed time before lights out, so we had some visitors . . Linda & Justine to mention a few. [Some of the ‘comforters’ or ‘reassurers’ I spoke of in my diary, perhaps?] we all (not me though) ate corn chips & hot dip. Rather a late night.

Leadership Camp, Day One (1 February)

Published on February 1, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Sunday 1/2/87

I still had my cold. It was really hot once we got to school. Altogether we took heaps of stuff. Mark sat next to me on the bus.. mucked round. After discussion on arrival, we put up our tent. I was so hot. It was overcast. [Perfect conditions to increase humidity] We went for a swim and just mucked round. I was cold, then not etc.. [ooh, feverish?] tonight we had bush dancing. Boring! [Hmm, that’s not what you wrote in the scrapbook…] Mark was rather unenthusiastic Kept looking for me (??) I kept looking at him Later; after lights out, Mark [privacy omission] came to our tent. Mark didn’t seem ‘interested’. But it was good getting with [just kissing, people!] him. [privacy omission] Mark spent his time worrying about being caught too. I daresay that night was bad for the teachers – kids swapping tents etc. Probably got to sleep around 3:00.

[My scrapbook begins to include more text, more detail: I tried to record everything I could recall. But – not surprisingly – there’s minimal personal disclosure, since, unlike my diaries, I was expecting people to read this. It was as much for public (friends etc) as it was for personal posterity…and ‘processing’ of course.]

Erica brought the eski over early – we packed it & luckily, were able to put it on the lorry that the school had hired from the Fishers [our neighbours] to take equipment up, along with our tent. Excitement mounted as people arrived & assembled at Croswell Hall. It was very hot. Our group had a massive pile of gear! (then again, so did some others (not to mention any names, Steven, Mark & Brent) We loaded the remainder of our gear & scrambled onto the bus to get the best seats. Waiting ages in the still heat till we finally got under way. Music, muck-around fights & food all the way there. Once off the bus, people frantically begin to grab gear & best tent spots, but, called for an assembly first, many people had to give up their chosen sites. [From memory, there were separate tent site zones for the girls and boys. Not really surprising.] After putting up the tent, (a very long, tiring task – we were one of the last groups to finish) [I’m fairly sure we had one of the largest tents there, however…] there was freetime. We all went for a (very short) swim, then stood watching some of the guys playing cricket. After our dinner, the air horn was blown- signalling assembly under the covered area. Bushdancing was the activity & almost everyone enjoyed it! [Aha, almost everyone…] For some, this was the longest night (ie. the latest) [….oh? I wonder who…?]

A Boiling Pool & Camp Couture (26-27 January)

Published on January 26, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Only two days in this post? What’s going on? Where’s the rest of the week?

Without giving anything away, there is a major event approaching: the kind of thing few people experience in a lifetime, and I had the …foresight? …to record as much detail about it as possible, in order to “never forget”.

The upshot is, for the next nine days – beginning Wednesday 29 January – I will be posting daily because of the volume of material (and potentially extra commentary) I recorded about the event. Buckle up and enjoy the ….”ride”…..

Monday 26/1/87

AUSTRALIA DAY. Couldn’t get to sleep last night till around 12:00-1:00 or something – TV & lights were on – Mrs P asleep on the lounge. Eventually Monique got her up. [Apart from the annoyance of sleep deprivation, I have a vague recollection of being a little shocked by this: I’d never seen either of my parents fall asleep in front of the TV. They were The Parents, the Adults – they were the ones whose job it was to wake US up and send us to bed!] Slept in not long. Fi came while Monique was in the shower. We watched Night Patrol again for Fi, then went swimming. Bored … just talking after that. I was “hanging out” for a call from Mark, but I didn’t get one. After another swim, we returned the video, then waited outside for Mrs D. Talked a lot today – mostly about Fi’s trip. . .and the camp – CAN’T WAIT!! So hot at her house! And the pool’s boiling. Well, Martin came – car load of Stew’s friends & one of Martin’s. . made a few stops but I got home. Ate dinner, unpacked etc. Rang him .. he was at Keith’s. Stuff him. I’ll ring tomorrow arvy – see if he wants to see Golden Child – I think I’m going to town tomorrow with Fi & Moni. Will ring in morning 9:30. Gonna watch this comedy then bed! Oh Mark, I have to see you before I go back to school!! Especially! [Why especially? *shakes head* So… insecure…]

Tuesday 27/1/87

Went to town – took Monique. Was boring. Walked round – I got blisters of course. Saw Joannah, Megan & Marge. Monique looked for shoes, then we walked to a disposal store – trying on army shorts for the camp. And to 2nd hand store looked for old jeans- nothing was “right” there, either. [We would’ve been wanting to cut the legs off them…] Damn – caught bus back to monique’s just after seeing Fi. Swam in hot pool… “bludged”, and finally went for a [bike] ride … ended up going past Mark’s place (at 100km/hr!!) which embarrassed me. Talked to Nelly, next door & Leonie while mum talked to Mrs P. finally got home around 7:30. Rang Beka back and then Mark – a good phone call – talked almost nonstop – hardly said any “lovey-dovey” words… I thought he was being really “friendly” & that was it. See, I got his (4th) letter today. And it is gorgeous – so much about “us”. Oh I’m in love! It’s 9:40… time flies …must get to bed now or I’ll never wake up in the morning.

Mucking Around, Love Signs & Jaffles (19-25 January)

Published on January 19, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 19/1/87

Blitz day! I got a letter and a card! In his letter there were some really gorgeous things. – it started Hi cutey! The best I’ve received yet. Um, I went with mum & Jules .. we stayed at [dad’s] work a long time talking to dad & Jenny (mostly about my career) Shit what am I going to do? [The very same anxiety pretty much all high school kids experience…] After went to Earlville. I bought 2 cards One for mark for ‘fun’ like his and one for Valentine’s day. Also, Countdown Diaries have been sold out everywhere. Shit. Then after a very hot, boring afternoon, Mark rang, inviting me to Angie J’s party Wed. night. That means Robbie’ll be there (saw him in town too; dodged outta sight!) OH NO! No worries; I’ll be with Mark. [so you think: things rarely go to plan] So we talked for ages when I rang back. We’re going to Devil’s tomorrow. I have to ring him 9:05. God it’s hot. We still need more rain than we’ve been getting.

Tuesday 20/1/87

Well today, mum woke me with 2 letters from Monique. She’s having a ball by the sounds of it. I waited till about 10:20 to ring Mark. At 11:30 I got there. He was already there – had been for a dip. At Devil’s I jumped off the “cliff”. once. (!!) [I don’t know if you would call it a cliff – but it was a sheer, sudden drop into the water from its edge. It wasn’t a very popular swimming hole.] we were talking & mucking around. Went to Brimsmead shop sat for ages. Mucking around. Saw Judy (Judy F.) walking past. And she saw us. (!!) [the double exclamation marks potentially referring to the thought “great, word will get around”…] We went back to another nearby (shallow) place for swim again. Mucked around. Was really nice there. Got out & talked & mucked around. Then finally back to the shop. And there, while mucking around, I (looking through his wallet) [I have a feeling this was not as bad as it sounds… almost like I’d been given permission… he may have been sitting right there…] found an ‘old’ love note from Nicole. I didn’t read it but it was signed off, “from [privacy omission] Nicole” (typing) I thought why is he keeping it? I’m a little worried now. Anyway his wallet, sunnies & tape (UB40) are here – thought he’d be seeing me 2morrow. Rang him. & Fi. She’s coming to the party. It’s 11:30. Gonna watch a show now, then flop. I’m exhausted. An O.K. day. Wished it could’ve been a bit different. [How exactly?]

Wednesday 21/1/87

Waste of time waiting up to watch that show. Wasn’t good at all. So today mum woke me at 8:00. I was tired & grumpy. Went to Nana’s. Was boring I was so hot. [From memory, Nana lived in a little brick shoe-box of a unit, that had very poor ventilation. Back in the 80’s air-conditioning was not standard in rental properties.] Went to town after to do various things. Saw Mark & Keith on the the way!! Got my new skool shoes (just like my other ones) & did grocery shopping. At home I thought about the party. [As you read on, it turns out that we weren’t actually invited, so I was feeling uncomfortable about potentially gate-crashing…] I rang Fi. She didn’t want to go either. When Mark rang, he made “compromise”. He’d ask Angie when he got there if Fi & I could come & ring us up. That we did. At about 8:45 we left. Martin took us there. Talked to Mark a little; walked round. It was BORING. At 10:30, Mark, me, Fi, Sharon, Keith, Michelle walked to Croc. Rock. → only 2 or 3 streets away. I got in easily Fi didn’t but later; yes – without even paying [the cover charge, evidently …that was probably only $3 or something dirt cheap like that]! Mark & I spent a lot of time in Smithy’s talking – mucking around. The “others” came & went as they pleased. We held hands for sometime ..later in the morning. Soon it became natural holding hands all the time. then, arms → [the arrow led across to the next page of the diary…]

Thursday 22/1/87

round each other.. then I was meant to go with Fiona (& Martin) but she, being really happy [for me] & great friend convinced Terry to give me a lift home. Then it happened after she left. We were standing near a bar when Heather (blind) came over, raving on. Told us how “fucking gorgeous” we looked together and to “kiss”. Yes but it was yuk.. [because… awkward! But…] when she left… It wasn’t. we stood there for ages. It was beautiful. [Of course! What other descriptive would a lovestruck teenaged girl use?] Then eventually, they were coming in the same car. At 4:30 we left. We made so many stops. Mark was being gorgeous. [Privacy omission] Then he left at his place. Sad. Terry & Harry wanted to go to Freshy Ck. Sharon didn’t mind. So we stayed there till it got light. (Boring for me – my mind on Mark.) [of course…] Sharon rode my bike home. I had ≈ 2hrs sleep. Couldn’t sleep again, the rest of the day. Watched TV. Mark rang around 6:15. Saying ‘nice things. Gorgeous things. He wants to see me tomorrow. I rang Sharon – she’s gonna ride my bike here. I can’t wait – I want to see Mark again too. I’d spend my time with him rather than anyone else Is 9:40. I’m not even tired. Just boiling hot. Mark ♥♥♥

Friday 23/1/87

Today I ate nothing – only tonight – for dinner. I had a piece of bread & butter and an egg waffle. [I meant ‘jaffle’, but I think we might have grown up calling them waffles (which explains why I was so puzzled when I first heard about North American waffles years later, served up with bacon & maple syrup). Jaffles differ from ordinary toasties in that they’re sealed shut at the edges. Before electric toasted sandwich makers, there were a ‘jaffle irons’ (see pic) which we used to take camping.] See, sharon came round about 8:30 and I rang mark at 9:00. he said to ring him back when Sharon had gone (which was about 10:45) and we’d leave for Devil’s. Spent 1st 2hrs or so in water, mucking round with a stone few little kisses. Lying in the shade, together for another 1 or 2 hrs, then for another swim some other place for an hour or so. After sat for another 1/2hr & 1/2hr “saying goodbye” That was a yummy part. I rang him tonight. We can’t decide what to do on the weekend.. I must ring him tomorrow arvy with more suggestions. Watching the movie now. Was 36º at 10:00am today – dropped back to 35º rest of the day. Reckon be the same tomorrow. I’ll watch the cricket I guess. Tonight’s phonecall was boring – I said he’d get sick of seeing me. [Oh gawd…] He said never. I hope so. Am proud about my appetite. I wasn’t hungry with Mark. Wonder if that means anything. [Um, duh! Loss of appetite is just one of many symptoms or side-effects of ‘Being in Love’ and there’s science to back it up! Check out this article on live science.com website: it lists all the Signs… my little 16 year old self was displaying pretty much all of them…] 10:35 now. Should ring Fi sometime. And moni’s comin’ home sunday!! ACE!

Saturday 24/1/87

Slept in till about 9:00. I watched TV for a while in the morning, then for the rest of the day cut things out of my ’84 Dollys and tidied up (sorted out) the pile of junk on a dining chair, that has been there for days. Am watching the movie. . .a special about the history of musicals/broadway. It’s 10:00. I rang Mark around 5:00. He sounded fine for the first few minutes but the ultimate boredom of the phone call soon took effect. That must change. Anyway I’m ringing him tomorrow night to find out about going to Crystals on Australia Day with Terry (& the “mob” – Monique!) Was so hot – 36º max. But got a (kind of) storm late this arvy – and it’s still raining. Oh, I’m now being overwhelmed with fatigue: I’m bloody tired. Ate more today 3 pieces toast, banana, 4 shredded wheatmeal biccys & some crumbed steak & cheese & milk. And water & diet coke. [Ugh! Diet Coke. It’s frightening how much of that crap we consumed; sometimes mum, Julia and I would go through a 1.5 litre bottle in one day. Disgusting.] Pity, that!! Oh well. I’m looking slimmer I think. monique left Brissy today! HOORAY! [She would have been coming home by bus, which used to be the cheapest way to travel back then. It took a painful 24-26 hours as well, but airfares were just way too expensive in the 80’s.]

Sunday 25/1/87

Woke to a putrid, stinking hot day. Mum washed the windows. After helping a little, I cut out magazine pictures. Did that all morning (under my fan) till we went to see Nana. In hospital [to this day I am not certain what exactly my grandmother’s health issues were, apart from rheumatoid arthritis, and therefore have no idea why she was hospitalised], we just sat watching cricket, Jules & I. Was boring. When we got home, Monique called me, asked me over for the night. I rode over at about 4:20. Got there about 4:45. Her pool is HOT!! [No shade = tepid pool water] We talked, then rode to the video shop & got out NIGHT PATROL (embarrassing the guy made us ring Mrs P. to get her consent cause it was an ‘R’ rated movie.) Back home, we rushed off to Pizza Hut to get our pan pizza. I rang mark when I got back. He hadn’t decided what he was doing tomorrow. I suggested he ring us, tomorrow. Then after saying bye, Moni & I had pizza & during the video (sick!) [as in, crap. “Sick” had not positive connotations back then] Fiona rang. She’s coming over tomorrow for the day. Had a late night.

Ink Art, Hitch-hiking & Hysterical Laughter (5-11 January)

Published on January 5, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 5/1/87

I woke briefly thought briefly about Mark’s letter and drifted off to sleep again. Next thing I know, Jules & mum come in the room – holding the letter. [Well that certainly demonstrates how supportive my mum and sister could be. I guess my anxiety touched their (very) compassionate souls?] it was 8:45. And the letter was 5 foolscap pages. some of it was rather confusing. [Not hard to confuse someone who over-thinks things…] (Today, I went with mum into town. We got school bags for Jules & I and did a little grocery shopping & other things. Also briefly (for once) visited Nana. [Evidently I found visits with my grandmother tedious. I should have kept in mind how lonely she most likely was…] After that I ate, watched TV, listened to music & did crosswords All day.) Some things he said; he keeps my letter in his (new) wallet (!!) he loves Macdonald’s, scolded me for saying he was a typical lazy male who wouldn’t write back and for putting M:A. W. on the envelope. Naughty things he’s done: caught watching Electric Blue video! At the end he says “You really must be thick!! Of course I’m interested! If I wasn’t interested I would not be writing this letter. Nor would I have even opened your letter. (think about that!)” I’m not quite sure what it implies, [are you serious? That’s an overt statement, an admission. Viewing this as an ‘implication’ screams of distrust] but you know what I’m hoping it does! 9:15

Tuesday 6/1/87

I rang Sharon around 9:15. she said she was going to Crystals with Heather AnneMarie & Linda. HITCHING a ride. I said ‘no thanks!’ [My parents schooled me and my sister to never hitchhike for potential danger it posed. I actually don’t think I have ever done it, to this day…] She rang back a little later though, saying she’d chickened out too. So I ended up riding to her place [mind you, cycling – particularly on roads – can be pretty bloody dangerous too…] (took me ½hr) (with my new bag!) and, after lunch, we rode to Trinity. Lay in shade – went for a swim pigged out, went for a walk on the rocks, then rested. Pigged out again before we left. (Faster coming back) At Sharon’s we picked up grass cuttings. [Surely that was a chore, and not for ‘fun’?] I left around 5:00 – we [we? maybe Sharon rode part way with me?] stopped at Smithfield. Ate ½ a crunchie Good ride home (very tired.) Tonight I did more tracings. [Basically, with a pot of ink, a nib and artist’s tracing paper, I created duotone pictures from photos and magazine images. See pic] Thinking I should have rung Mark. Will have to tomorrow night. You know, I haven’t seen him for almost 3 weeks? I’ll die! Nah! [Clown] No rain today – cloudy. VERY HOT. Is 9:20 mima & Fi should be back soon. The 8th(?)

Wednesday 7/1/87

I was going to go see a cartoon movie with Sharon, but wasn’t too disappointed when mum said no. I did more ink tracings. Got a really bad stomach ache – constipation & period pain together (perhaps?) [Nice] About 12:30 I got a call from Sharon. She didn’t go after all – wanted to know if I’d go with her & (her mum) to see the Boy Who Could Fly. Said yes. I watched TV, ate a bit and got ready around 3:00. Took me an hour to get dressed. [I can still be a little indecisive when it comes to putting an outfit together but am nowhere near as bad as I used to be. Remember, only a few years ago I wanted to be a fashion designer… But that wasn’t it – usually it all came down to how ‘fat’ I looked; so time was wasted on poor body image. That’s hours of your life you never get back!] For once, I wasn’t ready (when they came) [Knowing how long it would take me to decide on an outfit, I used to set aside a fair bit of time, so I didn’t often run late. I’m pretty organised…] But the movie was good. Great. Beautiful. Went for iced chocolate at Dormay’s Cafe after. At home, I realised I left my wallet in their car. Tried to organise something to do with Sharon tomorrow so I could get it back. But got in a shit with mum. Is 9:45 still haven’t rung Mark. Dunno when I will. I wish he’d ring me. If I decide to] go out this Saturday I will [ring him]. Movie BUSTIN’ LOOSE. It’s on – dunno if I’ll watch all of it though. Forgot to ring Mrs B to find out when Fi & Mima get back. Still haven’t written to Moni yet!

Thursday 8/1/87

I could’ve gone to Earlville with Sharon today but had to wait for a phone call – thought we would go out to fill in education fee forms (govt allowance) but it never came anyway till late in the arvy. [A government department failing to contact you at an appointed time? Unheard of! …some things never change…] So I could’ve gone with her anyway. Still haven’t rung B’s. Nor Mark. I should tomorrow night. [It’s quite obvious to me now that this procrastination was fear-based…] Maybe I’ll work tomorrow as well as Saturday. Today I ate, watched TV, did crosswords and a bit of (absolutely useless – unsuccessful) sunbaking. Was so hot in the sun. Must write to Moni. Maybe I can do that tonight. I also wanted to ‘reply’ Mark’s letter. I did as soon as I got it – but I don’t like that one. I want to write a simpler, more-to-the-point one. I feel FAT! It’s 9:10. Don’t know if I will stay up and write letters. Depends – if everyone else goes to bed. Sharon rang this arvy – she’s definitely hitching to Crystals tomorrow with AMarie & Heddie.

Friday 9/1/87

As soon as I woke I felt a nagging uneasiness about my wallet. I wanted to get it back from Sharon. Didn’t trust her. [I’m fairly sure my ‘concern’ stemmed more from the desire to just have it ‘safely’ back in my possession, rather than the notion that she might ‘thieve’ from me…] Wrote to Mark today. It was a 10 page letter. [Oh yeah, VERY “simple” Liss…] Sent it & Moni’s today also. Tidied out my room this morning – did ink drawings till we went to pick up my wallet .. Sharon was at Crystals with AnneMarie & Heather (HITCHED out there.) [capital letters denoting my ‘disapproval’!] Did a bit of grocery shopping. At home, stuffed round. Sharon rang; asked if I wanted to go out tonight – AM & H. were. I refused. [I’m thinking that Heather & Anne-Marie’s hitch-hiking activities made them a bit too “bad-ass” for timid little me to hang out with…] Rang Fi tonight. Had the longest talk! They did get home yesterday; around 1:00. Didn’t ring Mark. I think he should ring me. Feel very thirsty for milk, and, now water. Strange! [Indeed…. that you should even bother diarising that…] Slightly cooler day today – cool breeze. Is 9:40. Mum said I have bags under my eyes. Sleeping restlessly lately. Mum’s been smoking. Jules & I have sprung her with lighter & matches. All she does is laugh hysterically. She lied to us. [She tried to give the habit away a number of times but it wasn’t until she was in her mid-to-late 50’s that she succeeded. I find amusing the notion that suggests the offspring of smoking parents are most likely to become future smokers themselves: it certainly hasn’t applied to me or my sister at all. We both vehemently detest the filthy, destructive habit. It was undeniably a main contributing factor to mum’s ill-health & eventual death. She certainly wasn’t “laughing hysterically” in the final months of her life and was, ironically, preaching to my niece & nephew never to smoke. Oh how tables can turn…]

Saturday 10/1/87

After waking, I did ink drawings (tracings) I continued when mum left. Dad said he’d be late; about 10:00. He came at 12:30, so Jules & I had changed our minds; we didn’t go to work. [Fair enough; two and half hours is more than enough time for anyone to change his/her mind.] I did silly tracings all day. Ate a fair bit too. I rang Jemima and she told me Jay was having a party. I went around 8:15. It was BIG. Walked up with Elisia & Glynn & Alan B to get Fiona. Beka & Justine were there too. I talked to people all night. Was rather boring. One thing disturbed me most; about Cameron (& Mark.) I mentioned to Alan & Glynn about him. Glynn confirmed it – but didn’t say much. Alan was trying to make me forget it. [It? What was ‘it’?] Glynn also mentioned Mark was shitty with me. what about? “Find out yourself.” when was this? “When he got your letter & before you left”. [All too cryptic!] I’m going to ring him tomorrow night to talk it over. (Few quite cute guys at the party tonight – No interest in me – but who would?) [“Poor Me”] Is 1:20. Was rather hot today. Amanda visited Jules

Sunday 11/1/87

Today I actually slept in. Know why? Julia had towels over her louvres & it made the room darker. It was great! I got up about 9:30. I think (??) and did few ink tracings (am rather sick of that now) [LOL, why? …you’ve only done it for the past 6 days…?] and read mags. Then Jules mum & I went to Smithfield Shopping Centre. Had a good browse around Big W. Got a new orange singlet! And something really funny happened. Jules & I were in the loo Two ladies came in. Julia was in one & one of the ladies went on the one [cubicle] I was in [had just come out of]. She farted! We cacked! [‘Cacking’ is slang for pooping your pants, so in this context, it means we basically laughed so hard we could have ‘crapped ourselves’] It was embarrassing I couldn’t hide my laughter from the other lady; God I tried! [You know what it’s like; laughing at the most inappropriate or awkward moments, it becomes impossible to stop and in fact makes you laugh harder…] Julia & I were in hysterics before we even got out [of the toilets]! At home (late in the arvy) I sat (lay) in the sun, browning my stomach – it wasn’t hot – I barely coloured. Then I rang Mark tonight. We got on well. Guess what? He’s ringing me tomorrow! We’re gonna do something!! CAN’T WAIT!! Is 9:50. Tired. Hot!

Family, Friends & Future Fears: Farewell ’86 (29-31 December)

Published on December 29, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 29/12/86

HOME! I’m HOME! We woke (well, I did) at 5:30 (4:30 Qld time) got ready – finished packing. After [family] photos drove to airport. A short wait, and we were all (almost all) in tears.. I didn’t expect I would [cry]. On the plane, tears as we waved goodbye from plane & I absolutely gushed when we taxied down the runway & took off, over Sydney. Trip was boring. Didn’t really want to stop at Brissy but…. [back then there were less flights per day, as well as fewer routes, so a stopover in Brisbane was probably unavoidable, but with more family living in Brisbane anyway, the extra time was easily put to good use] Uncle Steven looks so much like dad. Only other person I see in him is papa. [My grandfather. Contrary to the way people usually pronounce it, we used to call him “paa-paa”] Dad & Papa mixture. Simon (youngest) is so cute) Daniel (hmm..) & Ben rather shy. Auntie Bev changed little. day was boring there. Glad (almost) to get on the DC-9 (hate those planes – always get sick/feel sick) Boring flight short stop Townsville (lotsa cloud & turbulence between Bris & Townsv.) Nightime in Cairns. Dad, Jenny & Geoff there [at the airport, I assume]. Feels so good to be home. Yet I still love Sydney! After I unpacked rang Sharon – not home, monique – not home & mark – not home. GREAT, GUYS! I’m home, but no one else is. [Funny that: the world doesn’t revolve around you!] Oh well 10:05 sleep in 2morrow

Tuesday 30/12/86

Boring. Disappointing. No one answered when I rang Sharon. Monique was home. She invited me to town with her. About 11:00 I got there. Went to Richardson’s [a local department store that primarily retailed textiles] (sometime) and spent ages there ‘looking for a pattern’, then went back to Monique’s. Pool water was so “warm”. Camille & her uni friends Sam and Gayle there & soon Lyndon his friends Ian (cute!) and Tim (blech!) came. I was bored. Later watched a video (Eddie & the Cruisers) and I rang mum. She was mowing. I swam again & watched TV till she came, about 7:30. At home, after bath & dinner rang Mark. Was at the Waterworks Paul (I gather it was) said he’d be back after 9:00. I asked him to get him to ring me. Hasn’t yet – it’s 11:10. [Um, are you seriously still expecting a call?] I been reading Dolly since phoning him. SO HOT, HERE! Not used to it yet!! Jeez, I realized I haven’t a diary for ’87. What’ll I do for N.Y.’s Eve? Woke [this morning] to a light bedroom & revving of lorry engines next door SHIT

[In the Notes section at the back of the diary, I further analysed myself …in relation to Mark, of course:]

END OF THE YEAR; I’M REALLY “GOOD FRIENDS” WITH HIM, BUT STILL SO DAMNED INSECURE. CAN YOU BLAME ME? I need to be REASSURED CONSTANTLY +ves outweigh -ves. If I hear good stuff lots more than bad, I’ll worry less. I’m so sensitive and insecure; just too emotional. How am I to believe what I’ve heard, even from him? Why do I worry so much? It’ because I care so much SO MUCH. I wish I could believe everything said to me. But I think of bad things, anything that goes against what’s been said – so I am curious, and anxious. ← that’s insecurity

A Life in Words — The arty record of the final days of 1986 per my school diary

Wednesday 31/12/86

Well, Mark rang, after Sharon this morning. He’s (possibly, but most likely) going to Croc. Rock. It was only in town with Sharon that I decided I’d go- (our phone call [with Mark, that is] was not really happy – told him I wasn’t going out.) We met Ben & Robbie A. in Good Time [a local clothing retail store]. I was introduced. We stayed with them the rest of the afternoon. I got really relaxed around them. (Ben, anyway) Robbie really wanted us (me) to meet them tonight. “You gotta go out – my, Ben’s, your first New year’s Eve Out. So I did. We were late (Sharon & I). Ben was there Robbie was at Nighthawkes. Walked there. [to Nighthawkes? From Crocodile Rock? Sheesh, that would’ve been damned long way…] I got in, on my own .. NO SWEAT!! We danced. Ben & Rob are so good at dancing. Then midnight came. Goodbye ’86. You were a really enlightening year. I matured a lot this year. FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT’S STORY, SEE 87 DIARY 1st JAN [I created this ‘strict’ habit of quitting the story, my diary entries, right on midnight. Because – of course – that’s when the years ended, right?]

[Again, in the Notes section I summarised the year and set the scene for 1987:]

1986: This year I have grown up (?) or changed (yes) a lot. So many beneficial things happened due to my shift to Cairns High. I’ve made more friends – males like I’ve never had before. I’ve opened up more – gained in confidence because of it. But a subsequent downfall in schoolwork due to increased (dramatically increased) social life. [I have to admit, I totally nailed it. To this day, even with the benefit of hindsight, I can’t deny that the shift to Cairns High was a notable turning point or life milestone.]

NEXT YEAR I WILL HAVE TO KNUCKLE DOWN. MUCH MORE THOUGHT & CONCENTRATION IS REQUIRED. MY LIFE LIES AHEAD – MY CAREER WILL HAVE TO BE DECIDED. [There’s a hint of the pressure that a lot of teens feel even to this day. Even at 44 years of age, I can totally identify with the stresses many of senior secondary school students feel with regard to their futures. This is most definitely a timeless, universal sentiment.] MANY DECISIONS TO MAKE

LOTS OF HOPE.. NO HELP.

Holiday Hangs with the Hombres (1-7 December)

Published on December 1, 2014 by Elissa Coxen2 Comments

Monday 1/12/86

Slept like a baby last night. [Here I revert to recording how the rest of my Sunday – the previous day – was spent. Because I had so heavily encroached upon Sunday’s allotted page in the description of what happened at Saturday night’s party (& how I felt about it) there was very little space left for Sunday’s entry.] Mum took moni home, [I am assuming from the exhibition set-up] I grabbed my gear [from her place] and did nothing at home. Cried when I heard “Emotion in Motion” [an obscure single by Ric Ocasek, the lead singer of the band The Cars. Have a listen if you like…] on Take 40. Really sad.

[Back to Monday, the current day:] Today I rushed so much. Went round with mum – got dress (satin-black) material. [My mum made my dress (pictured) that day. In one day. She really could sew, but didn’t believe enough in herself Hmm, wonder who took after her? Or “learnt by example”?] At school of arts, helped set up – went off now & then for “window shopping” – gonna buy these $53 togs in Sportsgirl – gorgeous white with blue stars. Mark snubbed me again (I was really wondering) then fussed around town (Monique & Trina caught their bus – I browsed round till mine came) Rushed at home; so many phonecalls!! Got to exhibition around 7:15. Mark looked really nice! Mum talked to him – Sharon’s fault. [Fault? Not the best choice of words.. I’m fairly sure she was trying to do you a favour] I talked a little to begin with, more after (Esp. after!) Mrs B bought my fat ladies … auntie Ruth’s gonna buy my diptych! That’s $135! After, Sharon, Megan & I (and M & Keith) wanted to go out. I told mum backpacker’s. [“Backpacker’s” was originally a cheap ‘restaurant’ for …backpackers (tourists) but its popularity led to an extended bar license and eventually a nightclub, in the additional downstairs area. It was a popular nightlife venue for many years. My mum allowed me to go out underage, based on a system of Trust: she said she would rather know where I was than have me lie to her. The condition was I always had to tell her where I was and contact her if anything was going to change. So I respected her by staying put at Backpacker’s that night.] .Sharon & Mege. disappeared to Subwayrock. M. & K & me sat in backpackers talking. He loves Lady in Red [by Chris DeBurgh. It became one of my favourites after this night. It’s obvious why, no?] – was sitting so I talked to K. after he was looking at me. Sharon’s going to beach with him & K. tomorrow & crystals on Wed. Nice, huh? [Jealousy] And I paid for practically all the taxi fare home. [Outrageous!] It’s 12:30. Something K. said in backpackers made me wonder again tho’. “When he’s drunk or bored he talks crap – spins shit.” gave an example at one party “”I can see your soul in the moon…”” sounds bloody familiar to me [!!] & I told him. But he said nothing. I don’t think he heard (or pretended not to.) Nite

Tuesday 2/12/86

I’m tired, now. Today, I rang monique to ask about time we go in to look after exhibition sales [all of the CAD kids were ‘rostered’ to caretake the exhibition and manage sales of the works over the period of showing, being school holidays now’n’all…] – she asked me in for a swim. At 11:00 mum dropped me there. After a swim & lunch we went. Cameron, Chris, Glyn and Alan B were there for a little while – Heather & Marj, for longer. Otherwise, we sat from 1:00 to 4:30 – doing nothing. So BORING! But I got my togs! I LOVE THEM! Sharon rang when Mrs P dropped me home (we saw M. coming out of Trobruk Pool) (I was going to ring her [Sharon, that is] anyway) They did go to the beach. Keith, her & Mark. And ‘anyway’ … she asked me if I’d like to go to Crystals tomorrow Mark is inviting the guys – Sharon, the girls. But there’s been no info given tonight, on how we’re getting there etc. oh well. G night!!

Wednesday 3/12/86

After lotsa phone calls, a big panic (or 2), Terry picked me up. There was Mark, Keith, Terry, Glynn, Cameron, Chris & Monique. I didn’t talk to Mark at Crystals, at all. We left early – before lunch cos Terry had to work & we (7) couldn’t fit with Brent, mima, Fi in Brent’s suzuki hatch (they had to work too, anyway) Terry dropped us at Freshy Creek. We bought ‘food’, then monique rang her mum [to collect us?] .. mandy & bill were ‘hailed down’ by Cameron. We piled in – they dropped us near Mark’s place. The guys rode – we ‘sneaked’ bikes off them. At monique’s we swam & mucked around. Glynn left for work, we played badminton Keith left. Chris, Mark, Cameron, Monique & I played more badminton (when M. & I played Mon. & Chris, we flogged ’em! – talked quite a bit – miscellaneous) In the pool, when mum came. I went home, packed, and went to dinner at Aunty Ruth & Nancy’s [my grandmother’s sisters, so actually my great-aunts] – leaving tomorrow. mum drank (all did) so I was late. [I wonder: late because mum drank and didn’t want to leave? Or because she drank, she had to wait to drive? In those days it was hard to tell; drink driving wasn’t quite the huge public concern it is now…] I rang monique’s – I’d forgotten to tell her the guys were coming over for videos – she had none. Mark talked to me! (moni told me he wanted to; asked “can I talk to her?”) I embarrassed them. [So he only wanted to speak to me to scold me?] Anyway finally dragged mum out … [she was] shitty with me [of course: being a spoilt, nagging little brat!]→ [another crossover to the next day…]

Thursday 4/12/86

Mark had ridden home & gotten videos from his house. It was a good night – [the boys] stayed till 2:30 Ate & mucked around – mark was begin nice but a little rough – but I know he didn’t really mean anything. (??) It was good. Slept at 3:00 – woke 11:00. Camille made us brekky – big! (Full!) we lazed in front of T.V. the rest of the day! lazy, lazy, lazy! At about 430, Cameron rang, from Mark’s. They talks to us for ages – monique talked lots; I listened to the music. I’m hopeless on the phone! (monique’s gotten over her phone phobia, I’m sure! She was on it the longest) I was bored – I wish we had 2 [phone] extensions (her, I mean) then we could’ve both been in on what was said. ‘Apparently’, a bit of bad was said about me – none about moni! Anyway, I stayed at monique’s again. Mr. & Mrs P. were out at Innisfail for the night. We got out Real Genius video. Pity we didn’t ring the guys [You sneaky little thing – I know what you were thinking! No parents = ?!?!?] They probably wouldn’t’ve believed us if we said we were having another video night! Got to bed about 11:00 (sleep) overcast day again.

Friday 5/12/86

Today was overcast, too (for most of the day) I woke around 8:30; Camille’s boyfriend Lyndon was at the door – Louis [their dog] barking at him. Monique in the shower. We did ‘nothing’ till about 10:00, when we watched Real Genius again – great movie – god, Val Kilmer’s gorgeous! (So’s Tom Cruise, of course; [yeah, back in the day he wasn’t a Scientology loony etc, so was much more attractive] then again, Mark W comes close tie!) Lyndon dropped Monique & I in town (spotted Mark & them in Tuck High (I mean, High Tuck shop) after searching for material, we walked to school to get our reports But CAD kids’ are getting sent home next week, apparently. We started walking home; Mrs P. drove by & picked us up. At monique’s, helped clean up room, then had a dip in the pool. Monique’s at my place now. We rang Cameron (Mark was there; great!) talked for awhile (monique the most, still!!) Mark is so nice! His voice is so beautiful! They want us to ring ’em back tomorrow! Ace! Sharon’s [birthday] party…!! too! Will probly be another late night tonight.

Saturday 6/12/86

Woke early. But rang the guys back around ?? 10:30. Blabbed [Aussie slang for ‘talking’ in this case, otherwise it means ‘telling on’ or ‘snitching’] for yonks. After we hung up, a phone call from Sharon informed us the party wasn’t on. To cut a long story short, there were lots of phone calls. Finally, we decided Mark, Cam. me & monique would have a ‘video’ night at her place instead of going to the party (which was on, again) or to Cameron’s [??] & for me, Sharon’s BBQ [Monique not invited? I think that was the case]..Went to Perrems about 5:30. Was excited! However, mima called from Sharon’s wanting to know why ‘we’ weren’t there. we said “no transport” “Come with Mark & Terry” [“What?” I’d’ve been thinking…] Rang Mark – he said he was still coming.. Lied so much to sharon Am never gonna do that again. [And I’m not really a great liar anyway. I’m “too honest”.] Anyway, we made the food, the guys came. We started to watch one vid. Mark listened to music. It was like that most of the night; Mark listening to music no matter what we did. Once I looked in the pool – Chris & Glynn were in there. Monique got upset that they ‘gate-crashed’ [a bit miffed about being excluded from the ‘foursome’?] – they went but she rang them back [she’s all heart] (at→ [crossover to Sunday’s page…]

Sunday 7/12/86

Cameron’s) & asked them to come over. Keith also came. they finally left – the Perrems came home. Drank coffee & we mucked round. Finally all went to bed ..Mark wouldn’t give me my pillow. fighting… Mon. got me one – then no room on the lounge – I got my mattress from her room. Mark squished me. . we ‘tickled’ each other while m. & c. slept on couch – for ages – ears, nose, eyebrows, neck, feet and (not much but shit when it was) ribs/waist. See, the thing was, most of it was quite gentle. And we were so close… faces sometimes about 2cm apart!! But “nothing” happened. [No kissing, I would’ve meant..] Still, I don’t mind …it was still very nice!! Woke early – mark got me in the ribs, before ‘rolling over’ Cameron got “hyper” and everyone soon woke. Spent the day in much the same fashion as night, except Mark wasn’t alone so much (at all) we listened to music, swam, ate & even had a trip to the shop – saw elisia – told her they slept over – MISTAKE [see? I’m not ”strategic’ enough to be a great liar!] .. Mrs P. said Brewers & Ennises were altogether at Palm Cove… What if she told mima? Anyway they left 2:30, we slept mum picked me up. Rang Sharon. a little sticky situation – not much. watched “Coolangatta Gold”. What will I do tomorrow, or; all this week? Nothing is planned.

Sunburn, Soreness & A Chemical Bath (22-28 September)

Published on September 22, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 22/9/86

Went to town today. Getting ready this morning and guess who arrived? LUCY!! Yeah! She surprised me. And Fi when we picked her up! (She [Lucy] got on well with Monique too) [privacy omission here] I tried on heaps of clothes & shoes but bought nothing . . . Lucy, Fi & Monique did. Fi got shoes & togs & jumpsuit; Lucy got a pinafore dress & togs. Mima was working all day in KAFFA – spent lunch break with her. In the bus on the way home, saw John C. Yum. Too short for me tho (as if I’d have a chance) [and anyway, aren’t you obsessed with Mark?] Talked to Julie H this arvy – Sharon rang & I said I’d ring her back but forgot. Oh well. Gonna see Monique get her hair permed tomorrow. Am tired & upset (about?) everything. I just wish everything was going perfect for me. Not likely . Not my luck 11:00. [That’s the spirit!] must sleep – had to wear mum’s strapless bra to town today cos of sunburn. so sore!! Pain trying on all the clothes [Tsk, tsk]

Tuesday 23/9/86

Oh! My feet are sore! I went to town again. Took Fi. Met Monique at 10:10 at Kim Calverly’s [a popular hairdresser]. I wore my white skirt & red & white striped shirt – we sat for an hour then went (straight) to Treasurway & I bought a green/aqua polo shirt & wore it the rest of the day. We bought an ice cream and met Steven. Stayed with us the rest of the day. Walked round alot – visited mima (at work again) & occasionally popped in to see how Moni was going. Finally, her hair was finished (at 2:45) [Good lord, I’d forgotten how long perms take – not having had one myself since… the early 1990’s] Looks FANTASTIC. Gorgeous hair. She is Full stop!! Steven caught the bus home before we went to show mima moni’s hair→ . Fi couldn’t stop crying! It was so sad – [privacy omission here] . . . oh how terrible for her!! [privacy omission here] At home, I can’t work tomorrow Dad said there’s not any work!! Beka rang tonight. Am riding with her to Smithfield where Lucy’s staying. Fun!! Is almost 9:30 This watch is stuffed.

Wednesday 24/9/86

Rode over. Took about 30 mins. There, we talked while listening to music before all riding down to Smithfield Shopping Centre. Had brief glances around at shops – bought heaps of food & back at Lucy’s sat on the front verandah – no back!! & ate. swam, ate, talked . . .and finally Beka & I rode home. Got gear, picked up Beka & went back to Lucy’s. After dinner, we rang Fi – talked for ages – she’s coming to Fitzroy tomorrow & we rang monique – she’s coming too! Then we went for a walk – down to the park next to the Smithfield Fire Station – talking about guys – kissing mainly – walked back & sat outside by the gutter. Still talking. [What girls do best] I am sad still – inside. It is so obvious that Mark does not like me but that won’t register in my brain. I think the only way would be for him to tell me to my face that he doesn’t. The only way. Late night. About 11:30

Thursday 25/9/86

Fantastic day! Swam heaps – on the pontoon [there used to be a pontoon there? I don’t remember that] & around – was so beautiful. Didn’t get ‘sorely’ burnt. [Oh that’s ok then…] On my recovering burns I packed suncream. I got burnt on the back of my legs (upper) not much and browned a bit on my back & shoulders (again) but no PAIN!! Also upper arms. But we had fun. No hunks (our age) There were 2 guys we saw briefly near the kiosk (older) drinking – quite cute. We went rock-climbing but got stuck so had to return. Oh well! Wish Mark’d gone. Why would he? Nicole’d probably go too. Ate a bit (was fairly hungry). Saw mima before we left this morning she & jay walked around wharfs before work. Nothing really exciting happened. Met a Canadian guy Tom (21) & talked (& joked) alot with him. [Surely he’d’ve been in his element with the attention of five 16 year old girls?] about 9:35 – mum’s gone to Fishers for a drink. Nite!!

Friday 26/9/86

Today was my first uninteresting day. I was going to do my HW. Believe me, I wanted, more than anything, to do my english (etc) but I just couldn’t . I don’t know why – I wasn’t motivated . . I know I should’ve – that could’ve been the only spare day I got. Am working tomorrow & will probly be at Monique’s on Sunday (hopefully am staying at her place on Sat. nite (again!) with Fi & Mim & [omission here]) Hafta ring her about that tomorrow too. So today I listened to music, attempted my english assignment (but didn’t further it) ate, read & did other aimless stuff. I am looking forward to tomorrow night. I hope I have the biggest rage. And I’m not getting my hopes up that Mark’ll be there (or am I?) let alone my getting with him again. No forget it Liss. Julia stayed at Cherie’s last night & went to Palm Cove today. At Ramada Resort saw Brent & another guy – by her description it could’ve been Phil (or Tony H) watched movie (stupid) Is 10:55 Work tomorrow

Saturday 27/9/86

I worked 6 hours – packing – pouring chemicals into drums (back is killing and I was covered in chemicals) But got $24. [Fantastic! Paid a pittance for the privilege of back pain and god-knows-what kind of inflammation as a result of being doused in ammonia, sodium hypochlorite & the like. No such thing as ‘Workplace Health & Safety’ in the 80’s. There’s not a hope in hell I nor anyone would be undertaking that kind of work in this day and age.] Came home around 5:15. After about 20 phone calls – no joke – to monique & mima & from monique & fiona & mima it was decided that we wouldn’t go out. Lucy had come over at 5:30. We (fi, me, luc) were going to stay at monique’s & go out – [omission here] moni meeting Jay, but thanks to [privacy omission] the Bastard, everyone’s night was wrecked. He said he had to study [privacy omission here] …she’d been looking forward to going out with him – so [privacy omission] stayed home. [Privacy omission] stayed at Jay’s. Monique didn’t want to come to my place when I asked her & Lucy also went home. So we minded (mum & I) Fiona & Chris from next door. Is 11:00 Am so tired & depressed. I was really looking forward to going out tonight. [Privacy omission] stuffed up everyone’s plans [privacy omission] [No, ONE person made a decision for himself. Which led to others making their own decisions. Shit Happens.]

Sunday 28/9/86

Oh my back!! Packing yesterday really showed today – all my back muscles (particularly lower back) [uh-huh! and who suffers from chronic sacroiliac pain NOW? Damage certainly does start early…] and lower shoulders are so sore!!! But at least I’ve toned them! [Um, maybe? But the lower back: No.] Ha Ha! Woke – dunno when – but dragged out of bed about 8:15 to Lucy on the phone. Spent the morning doing very little productive (got ready slowly) waxed my armpits. WOW! Mum left for Palm Cove about 10:50. Lucy got me at 11:30. Got stuff for picnic & went to Trinity Beach (DAMMIT) Boring – we just lay on towels in the shade. Home about 4:00 (??) Did nothing there either. Is about 9:10 now. Going to bed – listen to Take 40 Aust on headphones (this week its an ‘all-time’ top 40.) Felt terrible today [guilty]. Mum went to Palm Cove on her own. How boring and lonely and sad. [Some people enjoy their own company. I came to realise Mum especially did. And I have taken after her, after all.] She said there were heaps of people there – esp good-looking guys (my age mostly) & saw mima. shoulda gone with her. Sleep well. Do some assignments elissa. You’re gonna be in big strife if you don’t. [Love the self-lectures… falling on deaf ears!]

Phonetics, Failing & Films (15-21 September)

Published on September 15, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 15/9/86

Did no HW (then again, all I had was english) But I had heaps of that – my 3 assignments. Mum’s getting cranky (“worried”) about my getting behind in assignment work. Boring day. Lotsa people away on Geography excursion. Found out through Mark F (what I thought I already knew) that Lynette C was with Mark at the dance (like Tricia (I think)) why can’t he fall hopelessly head over heels in love with me? [oh, the blindness!] Did chem prac with (Tanja &) Cameron today. Was funny. He’s nice! [Back in the good books again? Only a few weeks ago he was the biggest snob ever.] During 3rd period art, Sandie & I walked to A block & got food from Monique’s (& everyone else’s) exams. [Home Economics, I assume] Yukky mousse type stuff – yummy cream & strawberries tho & veggies; broccoli, beans & carrots (cold but yummy) then walked up town for our art workshop, during 4th period. Looked in Sportsgirl (& around) for togs – Monique tried on a few pairs…. workshop at 12:30. Got back to school just before 6th period. Whew! Watched video in english. Don’t think Mark’s going out with Nicole anymore

Tuesday 16/9/86

Mima & I restablished ‘relations’ thru phonetics notes to each other today..[Phonetics was a part of our Speech (& Drama) curriculum, dealing with the written (symbols) aspect of linguistics: helpful in mastering pronunciation. The note writing served a dual purpose: practice (study) and secrecy in that no one else would have easily understood the symbols.] lately, she’s had heapsa problems & hasn’t been talking much to me (her & Fi always together) Otherwise, I hurt around Mark: not believing he doesn’t like me. I always think how great it’d be if I could talk to him about love & explain (subtley) how much of a bastard (user) he is – why he should stop it . . ha ha ha – typical Taurus is stubborn; won’t listen to a word I say. [Phew! It’s good to know that I was intrinsically aware that lecturing would be a waste of time. It’s all a fantasy.] periods give me the shits. Didn’t ride. Had a mini test in Biology. I got 29/32!! Great huh?!! Am tired – is 10:25 Plan to spend as much of holidays on the beach (or in the sun) as possible wanna tan & blonder hair!! + I just love the beach!! [Yep, sun-worshipper I was. And I got that from my mum. Luckily I also got her olive skin. The coconut aroma of “Reef deep tanning oil” brings back memories. Nothing like a good old basting!] Schoolwork . . . blech! I’m still so behind in everything – am giving up … losing my will to carry things out.. Lacking initiative & interest in my work. Cos Mark – I wish so much with all my heart that he loved me with all his. [Oh. Dear.]

Wednesday 17/9/86

I’m not going to school tomorrow. I have my speech exam. I am going to fail it. I know just about nothing!! Wow!! But my exam is at 2:00 in the afternoon so I can study all morning. I have to. Mark doesn’t like me. I know this but I still get my hopes up now & then. Nicole this arvy as I was walking up to the bus stop smiled at me. I smiled back – I’ll bet she was being ‘snide’ or something [assumptions, assumptions…]…I smiled being (or more trying to look) friendly. Oh well. I’ll just have to wait till Mr Right comes along. Forgotten (almost completely) about Phillip. That’s not the one. [You didn’t even give it a chance, Elissa!] Oh, why me? Why did I miss my big chance? [Er… I think I missed it too?] I wish I could wind the clock back 2 terms. Everything would be ace. I think. [Uncertainty springing up from some well of ‘Knowledge’ or ‘Awareness’ existing deep, deep within?] Did no HW again. Am so slack its unbelievable. Is 9:00. Fi felt very ill today but stayed at school. Mima told me at speech that she rang Brent & he still loves her!! Now they just have to sort out Steven & Erica. Great huh? Mima’s probs are coming to an end… I’m sure. mine, well y’know . . I’m not elissa without (boy) problems!! [Not 12 months ago you didn’t have ANY boy problems. And THAT was a problem in its own right then. Wow, never satisfied?]

Thursday 18/9/86

Well, there’s no way I’d have passed unless the examiner is an easy marker or I fluked the answers. I may as well study for repeating the exam next April. I wrote out all (what I thought was all) the information I needed to learn – that took me all morning so I practically had to go straight after I’d finished it – no time to study it We left at about 1:20. (mima had come round at about 10:30) after the exam Mrs b picked us up – we went to gordonvale to seigi s’s place. Had to wait in the car. [No one was there yet] Renade came home, we went inside then Mrs S, then Polly & Seigi from their camp. Mrs S & Mrs B talked for ages. Finally we went home. I watched TV all night; didn’t do any english assignment(s) hope Mr G. doesn’t make me come in at lunchtime – I’m wagging it & 6th & 7th going to movies Fun tomorrow! [Last day of 3rd term of school] Hopefully!! Better go to sleep. Is 9:40. I’m still missing somebody.

Friday 19/9/86

I got on the bus & (it was empty) Fi was wearing shorts & shirt. At school mima was free-dressed too – so were a few other people – I felt really silly & didn’t think I’d get into the movies dressed as I was so Mima said I could ring polly & tell her to bring some shorts or something (cos she was coming late [to school] about (9:00) I went to art (skipped bio & double english) & Monique did too (so did lots of others) we finished our banners. . . Mrs p came and took her (& my) school bag & monique got a change of clothes. (I put on mima’s denim shorts which Polly dropped to mima who dropped them into me) then Monique & I walked uptown. Met the others in Mellick Centre. Saw TOP GUN at the movies. Is EXCELLENT. Tom Cruise the biggest hunk. After walked around. Went to duty free shop & drooled over the cheap items. Swatches only $34!!! [I can’t recall how much they actually cost in the retail stores back then but judging by the number of exclamation marks my guess is a fair bit more than $34] Mrs B dropped me home. . . Is 11:00 I need a new watch – Julia’s doesn’t keep time – gets too slow. Mark wasn’t at school & neither was Nicole. I’m fighting a losing battle. [What’s the war?]

Saturday 20/9/86

I did nothing – dad didn’t go to work cause he was moving into his new house. So I did nothing all day. Cherie rode over. I did some art-work – cleaned out my folios & some desk drawers. Watched some TV & listened to some music. Finally I packed to go to monique’s. Fi & mim had just gotten there when I did. We walked down & got 4 videos – 2 horror (yuk) & St Elmo’s Fire & European Vacation. We didn’t go out dammit. And Rebecca G didn’t come. We ate so much junk it’s not funny. Watched the videos & had swims in between them sometimes. Was hot. Got to sleep about 2:30. I think. Ate so much junk – hope I can shit it all out – don’t wanna get fat. [Hahaha, I remember thinking that a few times in my youth! That’s priceless: the supposition – hope! – that some things eaten might pass undetected through your digestive (and other) system(s). Ha!]

Sunday 21/9/86

Woke around 9:00. Had a swim. Finally (Mr & Mrs P cooked breakfast for us) we had brekky bacon & eggs. We spent the whole day by the pool. Tanning, dipping (to cool off) & of course, eating. Mr & Mrs P are so nice: they made us brekky & lunch & fussed about! (we listened to Beatles records meanwhile!!) [That’s right, I’d forgotten that Monique loved that era – the sixties.] Amanda M [a neighbour of Monique’s who happened to be a family friend of ours] saw me and came to the fence to say a quick hello. Mima got a phone call just after we’d hopped out (around 4:00(??)). Her mum was going to Sydney – her brother Duncan died last night. sad huh? So she went home soon. Then Fi & I went with mum. We’re going to town tomorrow. Fi, moni & I and we’ll meet mima at KAFFA – she’s working a full day there – cos’ Polly’s in Germany. Am so burnt – all got a little burnt – but I’m the reddest. I’ll have an early night tonight I think!! about 8:30.