TE Scores, Life Purpose & A Line is Crossed (21-27 December)

Monday 21/12/87

[This post carries over from my previous post: I’d attended a party on the Sunday night, so continued diarising into Monday’s allotted space] [I was] extremely blind drunk. I don’t know why it happened- why I went to Freshwater School with [privacy omission]; I didn’t know what was happening, but the fact was, it did. A Life in WordsI remember crying after it. saying “what am I going to do?” He said “nobody can know about this”. I really don’t remember very much. [But I did recover ‘snippets’ of memory perhaps after the alcohol – or shock? – wore off…] He escorted me home I vaguely remember showering before jumping into bed totally naked. Woke this morning- Julia said “Chris & Cameron are here” & they came in the room. (I lay under the doona) SO EMBARRASSING! [um, yes…] They stayed for awhile: cooked their own brekkys. Watched TV ..Brent rang & the mailman came at the same time. I got 870!! [TE (tertiary entrance) score] Cool! [Privacy omission: here I’d listed some friends’ scores…] Then they left & I did nothing all day – except get extremely hyper [worked up] about the events of last nite. I rang Jo to talk & she helped me a bit. I feel terrible I regret the whole night so much & I feel sick when I think about it. So I tried to think of Jim. [What? Why?] Fi came round & I told her. I hope [privacy omission] doesn’t tell anyone: [well if you had to talk about it – and it IS essential for emotional health – you can’t expect him to remain silent. That’s the pot calling the kettle black.] it’ll be bad enough facing mark about just getting with [privacy omission] to start with let alone him discovering what “else” happened. Fiona sympathized: you just can’t trust your friends even, these days. But, oh shit, she left & I had tea & a bath & [then she came back and collected me and] we went driving for 2 hours: was good – has gotten my mind quite off it now (I WANT JIM C) [This sentiment was a product of my immediate state of mental health: desperate for distraction. KurandaI couldn’t want Mark under the current circumstances… I ‘needed’ something/someone unrelated…] we even went to Kuranda NITE.

[I didn’t realise at the time – nor for very many years after – that what happened to me on that night constituted rape. Back in those days rape was commonly defined by violence, not simply ‘non-consensual’ relations. So, for a long time, I simply considered what happened a breach of trust: a friend taking advantage of me. But I was torn, because I didn’t feel entirely innocent: I had kissed him first, earlier in the night. I had led him on, hadn’t I? Did I invite it? Did I deserve it? Absolutely not …because I didn’t ask for it; I wasn’t given a choice. There was no consensus, let alone consent. I was in a completely defenseless state. We know these days – it’s understood and accepted – that ‘provocative’ behaviour (like clothing) does not – not ever – constitute an excuse to ‘proceed’. It is not an ‘unconditional’ green light. I had only ever kissed the guys I “got with” – I’d never gone any further with anyone, other than my boyfriend. When fragments of my memory returned, I recalled crying silent tears as it happened (not just afterwards, as I’d diarised) and the word “no” scrolling through my mind …but does “No mean No” if it’s a mere thought, not spoken word? Of course it does. I didn’t want it to happen. I didn’t enjoy it. A Life in WordsBut I was too legless to resist, to even realise fully what was happening. The fact that I felt betrayed, that someone I thought was a friend had taken advantage of me in my compromised state, affirms a line was crossed. Whilst I have long since processed the incident, freeing myself from any negative mental or emotional consequences and forgiving the individual concerned, I will never condone his actions nor attitude in this ordeal and fully support the desperate need for change in societal gender issues.]

Tuesday 22/12/87

Well I slept right in today: even past the mailman’s delivery (early today!) Got papa’s Xmas prezzy $20. An electrician was here, putting in a ceiling fan in our living room – Uncle Mike’s present to us for Xmas!! It’s so unreal – cools right down. [I can’t believe we’d lived in that house for three (?) years previously without any fans. These days airconditioning is pretty much standard in FNQ dwellings…] So I bludged all morning – T.V. till went shopping with mum and julia. A Life in WordsBut of course, I didn’t get any personal Xmas shopping done. We got home before 5:00 & I read Dolly all arvy & nite: [privacy omission] rang after dinner. .around 8:00, said he’d come over [privacy omission]– after 10:00. I got nervous sounded like, well, I thought he sounded like he wanted a relationship to arise…[?] thank god it wasn’t that. At first (he came round 10:30) we only talked generally. Actually, that’s all we did, besides slotting in the subject now & then. [Uh, yes, because …it was an extremely uncomfortable, difficult topic for both of us to broach…] He said he doesn’t want me to tell him [my boyfriend] – if he has to know, he wants to be the one to tell him. I don’t know. [Yep, back then I sure didn’t know …didn’t know much at all. I didn’t know that this uncertainty was my Gut trying futilely to override my fearful Mind, to insist that I be the one to tell him. Because, in the adult world, the responsibility lies with the partner – not the ‘buddy’ – due to a thing called Intimacy. In a normal, healthy relationship, there shouldn’t be anyone closer to your partner than you. I had to be the one to open up because I was (or should have been) closer to Mark than his friend. There’s also the fact that whomever doesn’t own up, potentially appears more guilty…] I’m just glad it’s over. [oh Liss, it so isn’t over..] He won’t tell anybody & neither will I. Depending on how Mark & I are when he gets back .. speaking of whom […and here I mentioned his and yet more others’ TE scores…] It’s 1:20!!

Wednesday 23/12/87

I went to town with Jo on the 11:00 bus. Before-hand, Mr B rang and told me Mark was accepted into the B. Business [privacy omission] so that’s good, I guess. I barely got anything done: Joannah did. Saw Jeffrey M & hid. [Wuss] Saw Fi, too! I got Julia’s, Fi’s & Jo’s [christmas presents]. Didn’t get mum’s. Found out Jo’s sister’s best friend bought the shoes I wanted to buy mum. So we caught the 5:20 bus home : and after a long time, got to Ingrid’s (CAD I & II) party just before 8:00. A Life in WordsWas O.K. Not great. Had to borrow $10 from Jude (Mars) to get taxi home. Got ready (pretty drunk) and Fi took us there. No q’s getting in. Just got in the door & stopped there – so many people! Jim included. I thought ‘WOW!’ cause he was talking to Fi & kind of hanging around as a group. But it wore on. Phillip C was there. And Jim told Fiona he likes me (So Peter H told me too) I got to talk to Jim, but he went off with (??) outside Smithy’s & I heard he was talking to Fiona. Great. He likes her. I was kinda down→

Thursday 24/12/87

→for the rest of the night (seemed quite a few people knew I liked Jim) so we left around 2:30, 3:00. Fiona said he liked Belinda, (K). Dean had said to me “he dumped Fiona for Belinda”. Great. That virtually proved it (that it was Fiona above me, anyway, disregarding Belinda) [Ego, Ego, Ego…] Fiona verbally didn’t agree. Anyway, I woke rather late. . . spent the day worrying about what to do for the rest of my life. I have no idea. [This feeling/issue has pervaded my life ever since. It morphed into the larger, more intimidating fear – lack of purpose. A Life  in WordsThis has been the bedrock of my life’s depressions and I am only now – in my mid forties – learning that Life Purpose is a construct: it’s not necessary …and in fact, is not necessarily real.] SHIT Fiona came down. Then mum & I went to town – I got Sharon & Nigel’s prezzy’s; met Jo & took her home – Fiona, me & her all gave each other our prezzies & Nigel came over & gave us his. When everyone left, I got ready. Fi came around 8:30 – Sharon late. After KFC, picked up Sue. The party was full of rev-heads. So went with Wade & Co to Coppelode (I felt so down – out of place) Back to the party to check it out – none other than Jim (& Trevor & Robert M…) & NIGEL! so a convoy of us raced out to Holloways (no party as they said) Jim talking to Fiona. I felt down again. All drove (actually just got Jim’s & Fi’s cars – lost Nigel & Wade) around dropping people home. There ended up Robert Jim & David (J)

Friday 25/12/87 XMAS DAY

A Life in Words
my spunky drop-waisted acid-wash denim skirt

→In jim’s car & Sharon, Fi & I in her car. We decided on swimming at Freshwater Creek. As soon as we got there – Richard O’S & Stewart & Co turned up. Swimming was beautifully cool (cold!) + scary! Got out & all mucked round (laughed so much!) dropped Sharon home around 3:00. And at Holloways, we played Hide’n’seek. Jim & Robert against Fi & I, Stewart & Praybon against Richard & David So I got home 4:45. I had a great time, but I was down inside: Fiona. god she irritated me. I made [tried to make?] her guilty saying things, […which only makes you look like a miserable sook…] but she still stood near him, flirted with him (maybe she didn’t know it, but it hurt me) So I was down. Mum woke me at 8:30. Jodie & Mike gave me a cute denim skirt! [See right. Cute maybe in the 80’s… but downright ugly now.] (At dad’s I got $100 voucher for GOOD TIME) Home again- I nearly fell asleep before Mike & Cynthia came. Ate so much today (Piggy) Fell asleep in afternoon. Rang Fi, Sharon & Jo . . . none of them were home. Uneventful Christmas day really although I’ve made some good (well, pleasing or interesting to me) career decisions And I’ve decided on newspaper or TV (maybe radio?!) primarily Cairns, then Brisbane. Also get a folio of photos – send to a photographic modeling agency!! [Well well well. I didn’t know I’d considered modelling at this point in my life… other than as one of the tools we’d tried (unsuccessfully) to utilise in my compensations claim after the bus accident…]

Saturday 26/12/87

Well what a day! I spent most of the morning in bed – got up round 10:00. Rang Fiona – she said at Sue’s last nite, Geoffrey, Dean & Trevor rang them & asked them to come out. She said to me that they didn’t. A Life in WordsI did ironing after that (previously swimming in the Fishers pool & etc) & Jo came & we went to see her off. She [Fiona?] was there (of course) and told me that the Xmas Eve party was PRIVATE. Back to Jo’s saw Jim & his car was in a deep ditch. Philip N, Trevor & Dean were in a crash. We stayed round Jeffrey’s, talking to them all arvy found out they’d been at Fiona’s beforehand- I feel so betrayed (by her) & sue (cos’ I asked about the Xmas Eve party & Phil & Jim said “No! It’s open!”) WHY? Why did they do it to me? What’ve I ever done to Fiona? […apart from being a whingey bitch?] Let alone Sue? Anyway, Philip seemed to be taking an interest in me (ha, ha!) & he’s going to beach nite! I got home round 6:00→ Sharon & I went to town→got

Sunday 27/12/87

→Bailey’s & milk then went to Playpen. I am still pretty drunk (may tell by the writing) […actually, my handwriting wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been at other times…] Was unreal. Cute Clinton & I talked to Jeffrey M’s friend Heiffer for ages, just before we left. He’s so nice!!!! Now it’s 2:30. Don’t forget Sharon owes me $12.00. [That equated to three or four drinks back then…] Ok? Nite! ∏ Well I woke to the phone, before 10:00. (Angela M – wanting to know if I wanted to go to Magnetic Island on Mon. Tues & Wed) and wasted the whole day. I really wanted to sleep, but couldn’t. A Life in WordsWatched TV (cricket) and finally slept in the afternoon, Sharon ringing at 5:30 to say she didn’t want to go out (sore throat) I didn’t mind (I just hope Philip didn’t go .. cause of me) Fat chance, huh?! Jo & I had a long phone talk during the day (’bout Jim, Fiona & everything else) Otherwise – it was sleep & TV. Boring!! So hot! (But rained all day) Just realized there’s just over one week till Mark gets back … And I haven’t changed one bit like I said I would→ I’m fatter than I was when he left, my wonderful tan has faded (& the rain won’t help me get it back) oh dear! Cannot wait till New Years!! What’ll I do tomorrow? I think I should clean out my bedroom it’s 10:10


Mucking Around, Love Signs & Jaffles (19-25 January)

Monday 19/1/87

Blitz day! I got a letter and a card! In his letter there were some really gorgeous things. – it started Hi cutey! The best I’ve received yet. Um, I went with mum & Jules .. we stayed at [dad’s] work a long time talking to dad & Jenny (mostly about my career) A Life in WordsShit what am I going to do? [The very same anxiety pretty much all high school kids experience…] After went to Earlville. I bought 2 cards One for mark for ‘fun’ like his and one for Valentine’s day. Also, Countdown Diaries have been sold out everywhere. Shit. Then after a very hot, boring afternoon, Mark rang, inviting me to Angie J’s party Wed. night. That means Robbie’ll be there (saw him in town too; dodged outta sight!) OH NO! No worries; I’ll be with Mark. [so you think: things rarely go to plan] So we talked for ages when I rang back. We’re going to Devil’s tomorrow. I have to ring him 9:05. God it’s hot. We still need more rain than we’ve been getting.

Tuesday 20/1/87

Well today, mum woke me with 2 letters from Monique. She’s having a ball by the sounds of it. I waited till about 10:20 to ring Mark. At 11:30 I got there. He was already there – had been for a dip. At Devil’s I jumped off the “cliff”. once. (!!) [I don’t know if you would call it a cliff – but it was a sheer, sudden drop into the water from its edge. It wasn’t a very popular swimming hole.] we were talking & mucking around. Went to Brimsmead shop sat for ages. Mucking around. Saw Judy (Judy F.) walking past. And she saw us. (!!) [the double exclamation marks potentially referring to the thought “great, word will get around”…] We went back to another nearby (shallow) place for swim again. Mucked around. Was really nice there. Got out & talked & mucked around. Then finally back to the shop. And there, while mucking around, I (looking through his wallet) [I have a feeling this was not as bad as it sounds… almost like I’d been given permission… he may have been sitting right there…] found an ‘old’ love note from Nicole. I didn’t read it but it was signed off, “from [privacy omission] Nicole” (typing) I thought why is he keeping it? I’m a little worried now. A Life in WordsAnyway his wallet, sunnies & tape (UB40) are here – thought he’d be seeing me 2morrow. Rang him. & Fi. She’s coming to the party. It’s 11:30. Gonna watch a show now, then flop. I’m exhausted. An O.K. day. Wished it could’ve been a bit different. [How exactly?]

Wednesday 21/1/87

Waste of time waiting up to watch that show. Wasn’t good at all. So today mum woke me at 8:00. I was tired & grumpy. Went to Nana’s. Was boring I was so hot. [From memory, Nana lived in a little brick shoe-box of a unit, that had very poor ventilation. Back in the 80’s air-conditioning was not standard in rental properties.] Went to town after to do various things. Saw Mark & Keith on the the way!! Got my new skool shoes (just like my other ones) & did grocery shopping. At home I thought about the party. [As you read on, it turns out that we weren’t actually invited, so I was feeling uncomfortable about potentially gate-crashing…] I rang Fi. She didn’t want to go either. When Mark rang, he made “compromise”. He’d ask Angie when he got there if Fi & I could come & ring us up. That we did. At about 8:45 we left. Martin took us there. Talked to Mark a little; walked round. It was BORING. At 10:30, Mark, me, Fi, Sharon, Keith, Michelle (W) walked to Croc. Rock. → only 2 or 3 streets away. I got in easily Fi didn’t but later; yes – without even paying [the cover charge, evidently …that was probably only $3 or something dirt cheap like that]! Mark & I spent a lot of time in Smithy’s talking – mucking around. The “others” came & went as they pleased. We held hands for sometime ..later in the morning. A Life in WordsSoon it became natural holding hands all the time. then, arms → [the arrow led across to the next page of the diary…]

Thursday 22/1/87

round each other.. then I was meant to go with Fiona (& Martin) but she, being really happy [for me] & great friend convinced Terry to give me a lift home. Then it happened after she left. We were standing near a bar when Heather (blind)  came over, raving on. Told us how “fucking gorgeous” we looked together and to “kiss”. Yes but it was yuk.. [because… awkward! But…] when she left… It wasn’t. we stood there for ages. It was beautiful. [Of course! What other descriptive would a lovestruck teenaged girl use?]  Then eventually, they were coming in the same car. At 4:30 we left. We made so many stops. Mark was being gorgeous. [Privacy omission] Then he left at his place. Sad. Terry & Harry wanted to go to Freshy Ck. Sharon didn’t mind. So we stayed there till it got light. (Boring for me – my mind on Mark.) [of course…] Sharon rode my bike home. I had ≈ 2hrs sleep. Couldn’t sleep again, the rest of the day. Watched TV. Mark rang around 6:15. Saying ‘nice things. Gorgeous things. He wants to see me tomorrow. I rang Sharon – she’s gonna ride my bike here. I can’t wait – I want to see Mark again too. I’d spend my time with him rather than anyone else Is 9:40. I’m not even tired. Just boiling hot. Mark ♥♥♥

Friday 23/1/87

Today I ate nothing – only tonight – for dinner. I had a piece of bread & butter and an egg waffle. A Life in Words[I meant ‘jaffle’, but I think we might have grown up calling them waffles (which explains why I was so puzzled when I first heard about North American waffles years later, served up with bacon & maple syrup). Jaffles differ from ordinary toasties in that they’re sealed shut at the edges. Before electric toasted sandwich makers, there were a ‘jaffle irons’ (see pic) which we used to take camping.] See, sharon came round about 8:30 and I rang mark at 9:00. he said to ring him back when Sharon had gone (which was about 10:45) and we’d leave for Devil’s. Spent 1st 2hrs or so in water, mucking round with a stone few little kisses. Lying in the shade, together for another 1 or 2 hrs, then for another swim some other place for an hour or so. After sat for another 1/2hr & 1/2hr “saying goodbye” That was a yummy part. I rang him tonight. We can’t decide what to do on the weekend.. I must ring him tomorrow arvy with more suggestions. Watching the movie now. Was 36º at 10:00am today – dropped back to 35º rest of the day. Reckon be the same tomorrow. I’ll watch the cricket I guess. Tonight’s phonecall was boring – I said he’d get sick of seeing me. [Oh gawd…] He said never. I hope so. Am proud about my appetite. I wasn’t hungry with Mark. Wonder if that means anything. [Um, duh! Loss of appetite is just one of many symptoms or side-effects of ‘Being in Love’ and there’s science to back it up! Check out this article on live science.com website: it lists all the Signs… my little 16 year old self was displaying pretty much all of them…] 10:35 now. Should ring Fi sometime. And moni’s comin’ home sunday!! ACE!

Saturday 24/1/87

Slept in till about 9:00. I watched TV for a while in the morning, then for the rest of the day cut things out of my ’84 Dollys and tidied up (sorted out) the pile of junk on a dining chair, that has been there for days. Am watching the movie. . .a special about the history of musicals/broadway. It’s 10:00. I rang Mark around 5:00. He sounded fine for the first few minutes but the ultimate boredom of the phone call soon took effect. That must change. Anyway I’m ringing him tomorrow night to find out about going to Crystals on Australia Day with Terry (& the “mob” – Monique!) Was so hot – 36º max. But got a (kind of) storm late this arvy – and it’s still raining. Oh, I’m now being overwhelmed with fatigue: I’m bloody tired. Ate more today 3 pieces toast, banana, 4 shredded wheatmeal biccys & some crumbed steak & cheese & milk. And water & diet coke. [Ugh! Diet Coke. It’s frightening how much of that crap we consumed; sometimes mum, Julia and I would go through a 1.5 litre bottle in one day. Disgusting.] Pity, that!! Oh well. I’m looking slimmer I think. monique left Brissy today! HOORAY! [She would have been coming home by bus, which used to be the cheapest way to travel back then. It took a painful 24-26 hours as well, but airfares were just way too expensive in the 80’s.]

Sunday 25/1/87

Woke to a putrid, stinking hot day. Mum washed the windows. After helping a little, I cut out magazine pictures. Did that all morning (under my fan) till we went to see Nana. In hospital [to this day I am not certain what exactly my grandmother’s health issues were, apart from rheumatoid arthritis, and therefore have no idea why she was hospitalised], we just sat watching cricket, Jules & I. Was boring. When we got home, Monique called me, asked me over for the night. I rode over at about 4:20. A Life in WordsGot there about 4:45. Her pool is HOT!! [No shade = tepid pool water] We talked, then rode to the video shop & got out NIGHT PATROL (embarrassing the guy made us ring Mrs P. to get her consent cause it was an ‘R’ rated movie.) Back home, we rushed off to Pizza Hut to get our pan pizza. I rang mark when I got back. He hadn’t decided what he was doing tomorrow. I suggested he ring us, tomorrow. Then after saying bye, Moni & I had pizza & during the video (sick!) [as in, crap. “Sick” had not positive connotations back then] Fiona rang. She’s coming over tomorrow for the day. Had a late night.

Holiday Hangs with the Hombres (1-7 December)

Monday 1/12/86

Slept like a baby last night. [Here I revert to recording how the rest of my Sunday – the previous day – was spent. Because I had so heavily encroached upon Sunday’s allotted page in the description of what happened at Saturday night’s party (& how I felt about it) there was very little space left for Sunday’s entry.] Mum took moni home, [I am assuming from the exhibition set-up] I grabbed my gear [from her place] and did nothing at home. Cried when I heard “Emotion in Motion” [an obscure single by Ric Ocasek, the lead singer of the band The Cars. Have a listen if you like…] on Take 40. Really sad.

[Back to Monday, the current day:] Today I rushed so much. Went round with mum – got dress (satin-black) material. [My mum made my dress (pictured) that day. In one day. She really could sew, but didn’t believe enough in herself  Hmm, wonder who took after her? Or “learnt by example”?] At school of arts, helped set up – went off now & then for “window shopping” – gonna buy these $53 togs in Sportsgirl – gorgeous white with blue stars. Mark snubbed me again (I was really wondering) then fussed around town (Monique & Trina caught their bus – I browsed round till mine came) Rushed at home; so many phonecalls!! Got to exhibition around 7:15. Mark looked really nice! A Life in WordsMum talked to him – Sharon’s fault. [Fault? Not the best choice of words.. I’m fairly sure she was trying to do you a favour] I talked a little to begin with, more after (Esp. after!) Mrs B bought my fat ladies … auntie Ruth’s gonna buy my diptych! That’s $135! After, Sharon, Megan & I (and M & Keith) wanted to go out. I told mum backpacker’s. [“Backpacker’s” was originally a cheap ‘restaurant’ for …backpackers (tourists) but its popularity led to an extended bar license and eventually a nightclub, in the additional downstairs area. It was a popular nightlife venue for many years. My mum allowed me to go out underage, based on a system of Trust: she said she would rather know where I was than have me lie to her. The condition was I always had to tell her where I was and contact her if anything was going to change. So I respected her by staying put at Backpacker’s that night.] .Sharon & Mege. disappeared to Subwayrock. M. & K & me sat in backpackers talking. He loves Lady in Red [by Chris DeBurgh. It became one of my favourites after this night. It’s obvious why, no?] – was sitting so I talked to K. after he was looking at me. Sharon’s going to beach with him & K. tomorrow & crystals on Wed. Nice, huh? [Jealousy] And I paid for practically all the taxi fare home. [Outrageous!] It’s 12:30. Something K. said in backpackers made me wonder again tho’. “When he’s drunk or bored he talks crap – spins shit.” gave an example at one party “”I can see your soul in the moon…”” sounds bloody familiar to me [!!] & I told him. But he said nothing. I don’t think he heard (or pretended not to.) Nite

Tuesday 2/12/86

I’m tired, now. Today, I rang monique to ask about time we go in to look after exhibition sales [all of the CAD kids were ‘rostered’ to caretake the exhibition and manage sales of the works over the period of showing, being school holidays now’n’all…] – she asked me in for a swim. At 11:00 mum dropped me there. After a swim & lunch we went. Cameron, Chris, Glyn and Alan B were there for a little while – Heather & Marj, for longer. Otherwise, we sat from 1:00 to 4:30 – doing nothing. So BORING! But I got my togs! I LOVE THEM! Sharon rang when Mrs P dropped me home (we saw M. coming out of Trobruk Pool) (I was going to ring her [Sharon, that is] anyway) They did go to the beach. Keith, her & Mark. And ‘anyway’ … she asked me if I’d like to go to Crystals tomorrow Mark is inviting the guys – Sharon, the girls. But there’s been no info given tonight, on how we’re getting there etc. oh well. G night!!

Wednesday 3/12/86

After lotsa phone calls, a big panic (or 2), Terry picked me up. There was Mark, Keith, Terry, Glynn, Cameron, Chris & Monique. I didn’t talk to Mark at Crystals, at all. We left early – before lunch cos Terry had to work & we (7) couldn’t fit with Brent, mima, Fi in Brent’s suzuki hatch (they had to work too, anyway) Terry dropped us at Freshy Creek. We bought ‘food’, then monique rang her mum [to collect us?] .. mandy & bill were ‘hailed down’ by Cameron. We piled in – they dropped us near Mark’s place. The guys rode – we ‘sneaked’ bikes off them. A Life in WordsAt monique’s we swam & mucked around. Glynn left for work, we played badminton Keith left. Chris, Mark, Cameron, Monique & I played more badminton (when M. & I played Mon. & Chris, we flogged ’em! – talked quite a bit – miscellaneous) In the pool, when mum came. I went home, packed, and went to dinner at Aunty Ruth & Nancy’s [my grandmother’s sisters, so actually my great-aunts] – leaving tomorrow. mum drank (all did) so I was late. [I wonder: late because mum drank and didn’t want to leave? Or because she drank, she had to wait to drive? In those days it was hard to tell; drink driving wasn’t quite the huge public concern it is now…] I rang monique’s – I’d forgotten to tell her the guys were coming over for videos – she had none. Mark talked to me! (moni told me he wanted to; asked “can I talk to her?”) I embarrassed them. [So he only wanted to speak to me to scold me?] Anyway finally dragged mum out … [she was] shitty with me [of course: being a spoilt, nagging little brat!]→ [another crossover to the next day…]

Thursday 4/12/86

Mark had ridden home & gotten videos from his house. It was a good night – [the boys] stayed till 2:30 Ate & mucked around – mark was begin nice but a little rough – but I know he didn’t really mean anything. (??) It was good. Slept at 3:00 – woke 11:00. Camille made us brekky – big! (Full!) we lazed in front of T.V. the rest of the day! lazy, lazy, lazy! At about 430, Cameron rang, from Mark’s. They talks to us for ages – monique talked lots; I listened to the music. I’m hopeless on the phone! (monique’s gotten over her phone phobia, I’m sure! She was on it the longest) I was bored – I wish we had 2 [phone] extensions (her, I mean) then we could’ve both been in on what was said. ‘Apparently’, a bit of bad was said about me – none about moni! Anyway, I stayed at monique’s again. Mr. & Mrs P. were out at Innisfail for the night. We got out Real Genius video. A Life in WordsPity we didn’t ring the guys [You sneaky little thing – I know what you were thinking! No parents = ?!?!?] They probably wouldn’t’ve believed us if we said we were having another video night! Got to bed about 11:00 (sleep) overcast day again.

Friday 5/12/86

Today was overcast, too (for most of the day) I woke around 8:30; Camille’s boyfriend Lyndon was at the door – Louis [their dog] barking at him. Monique in the shower. We did ‘nothing’ till about 10:00, when we watched Real Genius again – great movie – god, Val Kilmer’s gorgeous! (So’s Tom Cruise, of course; [yeah, back in the day he wasn’t a Scientology loony etc, so was much more attractive] then again, Mark W comes close tie!) Lyndon dropped Monique & I in town (spotted Mark & them in Tuck High (I mean, High Tuck shop) after searching for material, we walked to school to get our reports But CAD kids’ are getting sent home next week, apparently. We started walking home; Mrs P. drove by & picked us up. At monique’s, helped clean up room, then had a dip in the pool. Monique’s at my place now. We rang Cameron (Mark was there; great!) talked for awhile (monique the most, still!!) Mark is so nice! His voice is so beautiful! They want us to ring ’em back tomorrow! Ace! Sharon’s [birthday] party…!! too! Will probly be another late night tonight.

Saturday 6/12/86

Woke early. But rang the guys back around ?? 10:30. Blabbed [Aussie slang for ‘talking’ in this case, otherwise it means ‘telling on’ or ‘snitching’] for yonks. After we hung up, a phone call from Sharon informed us the party wasn’t on. To cut a long story short, there were lots of phone calls. Finally, we decided Mark, Cam. me & monique would have a ‘video’ night at her place instead of going to the party (which was on, again) or to Cameron’s [??] & for me, Sharon’s BBQ [Monique not invited? I think that was the case]..Went to Perrems about 5:30. Was excited! However, mima called from Sharon’s wanting to know why ‘we’ weren’t there. we said “no transport” “Come with Mark & Terry” [“What?” I’d’ve been thinking…] Rang Mark – he said he was still coming.. Lied so much to sharon Am never gonna do that again. [And I’m not really a great liar anyway. I’m “too honest”.] Anyway, we made the food, the guys came. We started to watch one vid. Mark listened to music. It was like that  most of the night; Mark listening to music no matter what we did. Once I looked in the pool – Chris & Glynn were in there. Monique got upset that they ‘gate-crashed’ [a bit miffed about being excluded from the ‘foursome’?] – they went but she rang them back [she’s all heart] (at→ [crossover to Sunday’s page…] 

Sunday 7/12/86

Cameron’s) & asked them to come over. Keith also came. they finally left – the Perrems came home. Drank coffee & we mucked round. Finally all went to bed ..Mark wouldn’t give me my pillow. fighting… Mon. got me one – then no room on the lounge – I got my  mattress from her room. Mark squished me. . we ‘tickled’ each other while m. & c. slept on couch – for ages – ears, nose, eyebrows, neck, feet and (not much but shit when it was) ribs/waist. See, the thing was, most of it was quite gentle. And we were so close… faces sometimes about 2cm apart!! But “nothing” happened. [No kissing, I would’ve meant..] Still, I don’t mind …it was still very nice!! Woke early – mark got me in the ribs, before ‘rolling over’ Cameron got “hyper” and everyone soon woke. Spent the day in much the same fashion as night, except Mark wasn’t alone so much (at all) we listened to music, swam, ate & even had a trip to the shop – saw elisia – told her they slept over – MISTAKE [see? I’m not ”strategic’ enough to be a great liar!] .. Mrs P. said Brewers & Ennises were altogether at Palm Cove… A Life in WordsWhat if she told mima? Anyway they left 2:30, we slept mum picked me up. Rang Sharon. a little sticky situation – not much. watched “Coolangatta Gold”. What will I do tomorrow, or; all this week? Nothing is planned.

Framing, Fraternising & Fantasising in the Final Week of Year 11 (24-30 November)

Monday 24/11/86

A Life in Words
At Trinity Beach. not everyone is in this group pic but I love it because my bestie has her arm around me 🙂

I woke up and attempted to get another piece done. HA HA HA!! Then, we rushed in [to school I am assuming] & back, passing Monique & Thorstein & Justine [on their bikes] on the way (both ways). [We were all cycling to Trinity Beach, and ‘collecting’ people on the way… I think they were heading to my place, to pick me up next…] We left here late going straight past morris st – we thought they’d [I think referring to Jemima & Fiona] left. When we finally got to the beach, they, of course, weren’t there. So we waited (Thorstein had rung & found out they only just left) when they arrived so did Carla & Brent. We sunbaked (I didn’t get burnt – almost everyone else did! Very little fun though) and swam – my hair’s blonder tho! – [swam only] a little cos there were sea snakes. And we hired a cat. (Rage!) Rode home slowly stopped at freshy [Freshwater Creek our ‘local’] for a swim Pigged out – just a few chips, pita bread & yoghurt – cos’ I forgot my food today. All I’d had was (about) 4 cans Diet Coke. [OMG, that poison. I can’t believe how much of that stuff we used to drink. I just hope whatever damage we did by consuming it has been righted (healed) by now…] Now staying at Fi’s. Watching videos then riding to exam in morning. Ragey. Monique can’t get onto her father yet….

Tuesday 25/11/86

Boring. I saw him once, really briefly before exam – close, tho’. Last night we watched 2 videos, Polly, Kylie & Brent went home. Monique was exhausted [fell asleep, while] – mima fi & I stayed up till 2:00 talking & laughing. Uncomfortable sleep- got numb arm! Rode quickly to Monique’s when she got changed etc, rode to school. Saw Mark near my (in, at times) art room (exam room) Art was ‘easy’ but I stuffed it up. Got overall out of 70 mark – 59. Not good enough esp. for how I (might’ve) gone in my test. Got eng. 27/30!! Believe it!! I couldn’t! I thought I’d done really badly! Fi and I waited all the rest of the day till mime had done her choral exam. Had a good talk and etched our names in our area [vandals!]. Hot ride home. Am exhausted. Did no HW (HW? you say) Yes – exhibition works! [ART homework] Haven’t finished yet! Gotta get framed, too. Crikey! “Ohm!” meditation! Gammon [Oh if only I was actually serious about the meditation. For those who don’t know, ‘gammon’ in Australian slang (particularly common to indigenous Aussies) has negative connotations…implying what you said wasn’t true. Here, I’d’ve been thinking “meditation? AS IF! Duh, no way”] 8:30

Wednesday 26/11/86

A Life in Words
I’m not exactly sure what day this pic was taken but I know it was sometime during this last week of school

Chem. Fail 34½/80, but I’m sure I found 9 marks which weren’t added on in process multiple choice Q’s. I PASSED MATHS!! By 2½ marks! 32½/70 … gone up 9% this sem. overall from 46% to 55%!!! [Barely passing would have mortified me a few years earlier… just passing was my hope these days, but improving on the previous semester’s results? BONUS!] English: y’know 27/30 – 82% up by 2%, art, well, I’ll be lucky to get a Very high [Achievement]. Dunno yet. Bio hasn’t finished marking yet, but so far, am 44/63. BAD. I’d wanted to get a V.H. for bio this semester too. Today was boring really. Did nothing besides find out marks. (I beat Cameron in everything – he hates me now) Mark was around. He has a gorgeous face – bone structure etc. Eyes. I laughed at a little joke in biology and he looked at me smiling (not for long – like a glance) Then this arvy I tried to do more art. Just finished crying. I’m not going to get half the stuff I wanted to get in, in. Big Trouble for Lissa. No money [sales = income]. Is 10:45. Going at 8:30 tomorrow to get my work framed. at Upstairs Gallery. Got my fuckin’ periods 2day. [Every woman’s joy]

Thursday 27/11/86

Boring! Mark was there – but left. We sat in Monique’s maths class with about 10 others, then Justine, Fi & I went to the hospital to see Leanne – she’s really sick – they think gall stones. OH NO. Poor Leanne. Back at school, Mark’d left. I got chem. result fixed up – passed! 43½/80!! [It’s a miracle!] Then, walked to Justine’s (saw gr. 4&5 photos of mark! – yukky [!?!] – bit cute, too – very different!) Mrs F took us into town. Spent the rest of the day there. caught town bus home. Did little artwork tonight – umah. [Hang on, you’ve been in tears the night before… but don’t care today?] Tomorrow, everyone (or lotsa people) are going to crystal cascades. I can’t wait! Rang moni – she doesn’t know (she’s shitty – found out Cameron only wants to be a friend) Sharon is, and Cameron is. (doesn’t know how ringing me back tomorrow at 9:00.) Chris told monique last night. Wonder who C. McK does like? Oh, Mark. I want you. Oh Cameron. I love you!! 2 fav. guys! Saw Upstairs Gallery about my framing this arvy – can do it for $100!!! 9:47

A Life in Words
One part of Crystal Cascades popular swimming hole. We went further upstream on this particular day.

Friday 28/11/86

It was a mess. Heaps of phone calls but finally, Sharon & I were about to ride to Crystals, when Cameron, Glynn in Brian’s car all came – gave us a lift. We were the only girls apart from Tanja S and Melinda B. Heapsa guys – Cameron, Glynn, Chris, Brent, Steven, David & Peter S, Brian & others like Mark F, Todd Q Torstein… we swam. and sat. and I got burnt shoulders. No problems with periods. there were 8 in the car home – all the guys came in to my place for cold water. Cameron (silly!) left his shoes here. Sharon rang when she’d ridden home – she’s grounded not allowed to stay here tonight, nor go to the party tomorrow. I’m shitty. I have to work tomorrow, finished my bag, wax my legs & armpits, make my dress, make my belt, which I stuffed up just now, FUCK IT and my fuckin’ hat. [I was clearly going through a phase of making (including sewing) lots of stuff… in the midst of… a lot of other stuff (think all the artwork I was meant to be producing for our exhibition). I am only realising now that it’s a lifelong trait of mine: to take on multiple things all at once: which most certainly holds the potential to conjure Stress, ultimately. Like, for example, having 4 jobs…] Cameron also rang this arvy. So’d monique. She wasn’t allowed to go today – not that she didn’t want to. [I’d assumed she may not have wanted to because Cameron was, potentially feeling hurt and/or embarrassed by his rejection] 9:30?? friggin periods!

Saturday 29/11/86

Before work I collected my art stuff . It’s alright – a bit bent – and NOT vacuum pressed, tho. I was ripped off I think. $90 and even ‘Marilyn’ [one of my pieces] was wrecked. (well, a bit more warped) Earned $14 at work. Mum picked me up. Rushed to pack at home. Chris & Glyn were at monique’s swimming. Camille’s (her sister) bus was late. At 7:30, we were rushing. The ‘Kellys’ took us [to the party – whose it was I can’t recall. In fact, I barely remember the location and the following events]. Mark came with Cameron. I finally sat with him and Fi on the grass (& Cameron & some others) Now, it was hot, to Mark. He asked Fiona if she’d sit and talk in the gutter. Everyone said I said this (I can’t remember ..musta been only a joke) “Leave Fiona alone, don’t try anything on her” [jealousy?]. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he got angry. Walked with Fi [privacy omission here]. Cameron & I went down (so did nicole) I tried to say sorry. He was raving on about how he hates people pre-judging him (& others) I started crying. But in the end we hugged. Then cam & I left Fi & him to talk. They came up after  and mark asked me to come and talk…→ [continued on the next page of  the diary…]

Sunday 30/11/86

we sat in the grass. And talked. He does like me. At least, he said. A Life in Words“My favourite waste of time” reminds him of me – he thinks of me or if possible looks at me. [This relates to a previous party where I discovered that this was one of his favourite songs. To revisit that episode, click here. There’s also a link to the song on YouTube in case you fancy a listen] And a certain star in the sky reminds me of him. And I’m one of 2 people he’s ever met who he thinks he could settle down & marry & live happily with. We told each other lots about how we felt. Then we talked about general things. And after we walked to the beach (Chris, Cam. Glynn, Mark, Alan B, Nicole, Clarissa, Moni, me, sharon) (Chris tryin on to me – embarrassing!) We talked for ages, then. He loves apricots. Wants to own a ski lodge in Canada – a red ferrari like Magnum’s [that’s Magnum P.I. – an 80’s TV show/character], our house will be in the snow mountains with fruit trees & a big slippery slide down to a tropical beach with a 40 foot yacht!! Anyway, at 3:30, Cameron got his mum to take us to Nicole’s – she made 2 trips. [Good god, mothers can be VERY accommodating to their children – and others’!] Slept very little at Nicole’s if at all. Mark being my friend. (Said he wants to be a friend & more than a friend – he’s afraid of me!) – like I am! He says that’s like mima & brent (their love being deep & strong from ‘fear’ (?)) Walked to monique’s at 7:00. Mark didn’t say anything at all in the morning. Spent day – slept 3hrs, had a swim then went to set up exhibition .. Mark snobbed me. I began to wonder …could all those things he said possibly be untrue?

A Life in Words
Me & Mickey (Monique’s other nickname) setting up for the art exhibition


Love Lost & Duncton Wood (4-10 February)

Monday 4/2/85

I’m SO upset!! Sean has left! Yes, he’s gone to Cairns High. Miss him!! Looking forward to seeing him today, but when  I asked Jay, who asked Wade, he told me he’s left – oh, woe is me!!! Were all so talkative today. Got our day 1 timetable. In German, Tina was really nice! She asked us to sit next to her & after the lesson, we walked out together, talking. I really think she’s nice!! Shelley is quite, too! She says hello a lot too! [These were some of the ‘popular girls’ so any kind of attention from them was encouraging for my little Ego] Boring in lessons. Was sleepy. Hot at lunch time. Boring on the way home. At home, covered some of Julia’s books. Did HW, while watching “It’ll be alright on the Night – 4” Funnee!! Late-ish nite ……!!!!

Tuesday 5/2/85

Wet, today. Must be missing Sean a great deal more than I thought, as I’ve almost decided to change schools (to Cairns High, where he is) in Year 11. Got today’s & tomorrow’s timetables today! Science first period days 1, 2, 3!! OH NO!! Excited today, in the pouring rain. I love it!! Excites me. Cyclone has passed by Cairns. Poop! I would’ve loved one! [Would have loved a cyclone for two reasons: the first and most significant would have been time off school. The second; they were kind of exciting affairs – Mother Nature in all her furious glory. Mind you, we had never, and I still haven’t, experienced anything nastier than a category 3 storm. My father has and swears he wouldn’t wish it (Cat 1) upon his worst enemy.] Double English was – boring! Nothing-special-day, today. Neville (that guy at the Bluelight) has Beka’s phone no, now. He likes her, THANK GOD!!! Not much else, today!! Early – no! Late-ish nite. Will take some money to school tomorrow I think!! Raining heavy, now!! GOODY!!

Wednesday 6/2/85 A Life in Words

Today was boring, again. I really hate school, now. Or, at least, Smithfield. Wasn’t hot – rainy, a little windy & cool. Got a hay fever attack at the bus stop, which changed my mood completely. Love this book I’m reading!! “Duncton Wood” about the history of “the Duncton moles”. Is excellent – have to read 6 books per semester in English. This is my first. Assigned seats in German. Double History was boring as ever. Bought a choccy milk for little lunch. The guy in front of me in the que [this is the second time I’ve spelt ‘queue’ in this way; strange (& disappointing) considering English was one of my best subjects] was the one who I always (used to) mistake for Sean ←(Miss him.) Geoff bought a friend round for tea.

Thursday 7/2/85

Went back to speech yesterday. Are not gonna do our theory exam, just drama. Told mim about Sean yesterday. she said she hasn’t seen him, yet…. Today wasn’t ordinary – started off – the heavy night rain had caused Freshy Creek to go over, so we had to turn back (on the bus) and go over Thomatis Creek. And at school today, didn’t do any work! Volunteered to cover textbooks. There were many girls at first, but the number dropped greatly after lunch, as the work ran thin. Was fun – talking!! One guy (have I told you?) [yes, yes you have] looks like Sean at a glance. I’m keeping my eye on him!

Friday 8/2/85 

SWIMMING carnival Trinity won!! AGAIN! 3rd year in a row!! Ran a little lat today. Wore my red fullpiece. Took red’n’white striped Sportsgirl shirt & the book (“Duncton Wood”) I’m reading. Couldn’t afford to take any money to spend, but ended up borrowing off Lucy – 50c & Fi – 40c. Found 10c!! Was quite good today. At least, hardly any rain & even a few glimpses of sun!! Wore jumper almost all day. Was actually quite boring. At the end the teachers had a relay against the kids – they wore flippers and won [cheats!]. Ate my apple on bus. Read book at home. Late nite. watching “Pot Black”. After will be Dave Allen!! A Life in Words

Saturday 9/2/85

(Gordon dropped Danielle yesterday at the carnival. God, was she upset) Horrible day, today. A complete waste of time (I think) and a little energy. I JUST READ ALL DAY!! I finished my (thick) book “Duncton Wood” [THIRD mention of the title, in case you missed it in the previous entries…] It was EXCELLENT. But I hated it – I couldn’t stop crying. [Similar to Watership Down if I recall correctly – a bit of death.] Actually, I could, but it was very depressing. A lovely story – you should read it one (or two!) day(s). [My God, anyone would think I was bi-polar. Loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it, highly recommend you read it – so that you too can be as messed up by it as I?] Ate  surprisingly quite little. Julia went to dad’s. A Life in WordsAt 5:10, got ready to go to Pictures. Saw “Police Academy” & “Caddy Shack”. Both good, but Police Academy funniest. Saw (mim’s) Glen, Kim N & the dreaded, hated Neville. [I still can’t believe my choice of words. So…intense. Matching my FEELINGS?]

Sunday 10/2/85

Also saw Amanda & Janelle last night & Nana came over yesterday) Today did, generally, ‘spring’ cleaning & Homework. I rearranged many things in my bedroom, and have found lots of room now! Went through my old books etc, my scarves & air laces & belts! All sorted out now! Ate little, but what I did was fattening. Quite cool today. Mucked about with make-up. Rang Fi 3 times. Got her the last; about essay. She rang back minutes later with more questions, too! Saw Martin & Patrick ride past – WHOOPEE!!!! Late-ish night. Watching a little of the movie. Eyelids are tired but I’m not…oh, well, back to school tomorrow…….

Hormones & Accused of Theft (21-27 January)

Monday 21/1/85

Today woke 7:30. Rang Dad. He said he’d pick me up, but be late. When he came, stayed for coffee, while I dressed & gathered my gear. Started cleaning drums 9:30. Finished After lunch – 1:30. Did 75; 25c per drum = $18.75. Then at 2:00, did 2hrs labelling work = $8. Total – $26.75. Had BIG lunch! Mum came & took us home at 5:00. At home, relaxed. Mandy & Bill came  & looked at the house. Heath is bigger & more beautiful, now! After they, left, had a bath (scrubbed chemical-free!) [shudder to think about all those chemicals I was exposed to now…] dins & watched TV all night. Am gonna watch “Dick Emery Show” soon. Geoff had a haircut. Skint! [Skint: the replacement word for ‘shame or embarrassment’. I have no idea how this word, which actually means “lacking funds” came to be used in this context. Unless someone decided lack of ‘face’ (as in ‘losing face’) was an acceptable ulterior meaning?] Rang mima. She forgot to ring

Tuesday 22/1/85

Today was hot because spent most of it out of the house. Woke 7:00 to the sound of a bobcat. Our yard is now quite very level!! Today went to town with mim & Jules. Took my $20. Looked around town for shorts. A few good options, but I didn’t buy. Was upset, [in other words, threw a tantrum] so mum (after getting petrol) drove us out to Earlville, where I finally bought a pair of yellow shorts $9.95 from ambition &  a$5 lime green T-shirt from Rockman’s. On the way home, treated me & Julia to a choccy eclair & cream bun (for jules). At home, drew & mucked around. Nana then Petra came. We played cards. She went home. Watching “Prophecies of Nostradamus”  [Aha! There it is. This was not the first time I had watched a documentary about the ‘great prophet’…I was fascinated by him or rather, his predictions.] Is eerie. Scares me.

Wednesday 23/1/85

In the bath last night, I cut myself twice with a stupid razor & gave up shaving. In bath just cried & cried for no reason. Kept saying “why me? why me?” Haven’t cried for ages…….[This kind of stuff happened on occasion. With hindsight, I would put it down to those wild teenage hormone fluctuations.]  Today, thought I slept in, but woke at 7:30. Went to do grocery shopping & I spent $5  dollars “click” just like that! Bought iced doughnuts. Sickly’n’fattening. A Life in WordsAfter, Petra & Anette M. came around. Later Margie. We just played cards all arvy. Had to get ready to go to Nana’s. I stalled. Rang mima. She wasn’t there. Pol answered. 5mins later she rang me. Not allowed to go to Green [Island]. Her mum said “why pay to get burnt?” Nana minded us while mum was at a National Trust Meeting.

Thursday 24/1/85

Today, Julia woke me at 6:30, to tell me that Oikaze (our biggest goldfish) was dead. [Interesting name…I wonder where we got that from? I don’t remember it at all] Got ready early for Brewers to take me to the beach (Trinity Stinger Net) Was fun there. Did not stay long at all. Went for a 20min walk, 20min swim then walked to the shop for  an iceblock, where Mr & Mrs B. picked us up. Went back to mim’s. Spent all afternoon in the pool! Estimated 6hrs swimming today! Came home & ate. Had a long bath, to soothe the ole’ sunburn. Just watched TV. Rang mim 8:30 Are going to movies tomorrow. I must also get a haircut & Kevin Shorey will teach me to change my earrings correctly.

Friday 25/1/85

Mum woke us early. Dunno why but was too early cause was ready to pick up everyone at 8:00, when we were supposed to go at 9:00. Beka came, too. (Bitch) “The Last Starfighter” was a great movie!! A Life in WordsSaw Liam & his friend, Adam. Also Toni & Angela Bitches, too. After, walked around all day. Boring! Got skinted 2 times. Williams the Shoeman I knocked over a shelf of shoes & in Sportsgirl I was accused of stealing. [I vividly recall this incident. I had found a dress I loved in a crowded rack of clothing on sale, and ‘hid’ it under another item of clothing on the same rack so that no one would potentially find my treasure & buy it from underneath me. As we all left the store, the manager came running after us & directed me back to the shop where she began her interrogation. I’m non-confrontational so was probably in shock at first but I recall professing my innocence and revealing the buried dress. I can’t remember if the others had come back in the shop as well or waited outside, but I was truly mortified and embarrassed – despite not being technically in the wrong.] BAD DAY. Got home around 5:00 Mum was at Freshy hairdressers. I couldn’t get in the house. Had a bath, watched TV & the movie. Was O.K. Julia went to the doctors yesterday ‘cos lately she’s been getting black marks on her pants. Dr D. said she has her PERIODS. [I truly thought my sister would not want this private information shared, so called her before transcribing, to check. She laughed her head off and said “I don’t care…it’s FUNNY!”]

Saturday 26/1/85

AUSTRALIA DAY. Had a dream about Andrew Ridgeley Last night – yes, the spunky partner to George Michael in Wham! It’s funny – I could actually see his features clearly. Normally you don’t see people’s faces, you just know they’re them in the dream. And now, when I look at the poster, I feel I know him thoroughly, like an old friend (I think I love him.) I’m nuts. [You said it!] Today, mum went to the Cairns City Place for the Aussie Day Celebrations. I went to Fi’s, then mim’s at 10:30. A Life in WordsWatched “Sahara”. Lazed around until Glenn came. Went to the spare block on the top of Blue Hills Cres. Liam & Adam came up. After, went to Fi’s, then Freshy Creek, then the spare block again. After, went home. Clarke’s came for drink. early nite

Sunday 27/1/85

Woke late, lazed around. Got 10-11 hours sleep last night. Good, huh?! Went to Tinaroo Dam today. Invited mim & fi. Laughed & talked on the way up. When got there, saw Rachel & Kate C. Felt the water. Went & sat in car, mim read while fi & I changed radio stations looking for good songs. Had lunch then continued in the car. Was windy & overcast, but eventually decided to swim. Strong rip in the dam, but had great fun. Was freezing out of water. Packed up when got out & went to a ‘maze’. [I only vaguely remember this maze, and have no idea where exactly it is/was. If anyone else can recall it, please let me know.] Was treadly. Got lost, but eventually got out. Really dudish! [Another new word! I don’t even remember this one. I can only guess that it’s another word for …cool?!] After, went to a pub, but we still sat in the car. Laughed had fun on way home. Early night again.

Memories of Poo & Dead Pets (7-13 January)

Monday 7/1/85

Was our last nite. Tonight are staying in the house in the dark – bar 4 or so candles. Fiona did not call back last night. (I stayed up late to watch the movie) Neither did she call today. I think it was Mr D.’s fault. He has a poor memory (so Fi says.) Today was busy. What with carrying the last few loads to the house, then scouring out the flat, to make it shiny & clean (as possible). [One of my favourite stories relating to this exercise was mum’s experience of cleaning out the toilet; she discovered something that had hitherto been imperceptible to us all – that the result of my grandmother’s daily explosive bowel movements (with thanks to regular consumption of Epsom salts) – had somehow lightly spattered the walls. Mum, Julia and I were in absolute stitches!]  There are some boys who have moved in where Diane W. used to live. They whistled (well, one did, I think he’s 15 or so, not bad looking. I’m writing by candlelight.

Tuesday 8/1/85

Last night while having our Kentucky Fried Chicken the Skinners came to the Fishers. Skint!! Me in my frilly nightie!! I don’t think we are gonna get our bond money ($200) back – Today was hot, but quite a lot cooler in the house. In the morning FNQEB & Telecom came so we now have electricity & a ‘phone! Rang Fiona around 6:15. Had to ring back 15 mins later. When she answered, she was bright & chirpy and didn’t at all sound guilty about not ringing back Last Thurs. Are both coming tomorrow. Petra came up after lunch & is sleeping. She has given us 3 goldfish, from their pond. Hope they don’t die. [Our track record with smaller pets wasn’t too good. Mutliple fish had died in our care, most often jumping out of tanks when we weren’t around to put them back. One summer we accidentally killed a pet budgie by leaving its cage in the garage on a day that temperature soared. We came home to find it on the bottom of the cage with its eyes hanging out of its head. Terribly upsetting. We have had much more success with dogs as pets.]

Wednesday 9/1/85

Had a late night last night. Ate ice-cream as a midnight feast. Were sprung! This morning, playing cards with Jules & Petra when Fiona & Jemima came. Got a photo frame from Fiona (brass) & notebook, room card (vacant or home) & sticker from mima. Then went to mim’s for a swim. WAS STINKIN’ HOT TODAY! After a quick swim, danced to Madonna (great exercise) then we had to go home cause mim had to go to art classes at 1:30. Fi rang when I got home. We went to shop & looked at new railway [‘Freshwater Connection’] I came home & went to the dentist. A Life in WordsVery quick tightening. Came home & relaxed.

Thursday 10/1/85

Jemima & Fiona asked me if I’d like to see ‘Ghostbusters’ with them tomorrow. I think they do like me; they are trying to start afresh. Being as best, best friend to me as possible. Today, mainly waited for mima/fiona. Woke quite early after a late night, then went out to do some things before lunch (getting things for the house) then just read, played cards, ate & lazed around all afternoon. I rang mim & fi about 20 times, finally mim answered. She couldn’t stay tonight but I was to go to her house at 8:30, along with Fi & Beka to catch the 9:00 bus. A Life in Words

Friday 11/1/85

After a late night last night (10:30) woke at 7:00 & began the rigmarole of deciding what to wear to the movies. Actually it was easy. Got to mime’s a little early, but got going (Polly, Beka, Fi, Mim & Me) at 8:45 When got in to town, got off near Coles & bought our “supplies”. Got a seat in the theatre (by the look of the que, didn’t think there’d be any room). Glenn came.. Ghostbusters was terrific!  No other word to describe it. After, walked around town then took bus to mim’s at 2:00 Swam all arvy. Wanted to sleep somewhere but weren’t allowed. Had to go to Yacht Club for tea.

Saturday 12/1/85

Quite a late night last night as well (10:30). Have decided to sleep at Fi’s tonight, in the garden, under a tarp… Hope we’re allowed tonight..!! Got to Fi’s at 9:00, she only just got out of bed! When mima came, we played cards till Lucy came at 10:00. Then walked (after lunch) to mima’s got her stuff, walked to my place (stayed for lunch) walked back to fi’s. Set up the tent. Looked like it would rain but did not. Rebekah came late. Fiona told me what Beka was upset about before ‘ghostbusters’ – she didn’t know I was coming – she “can’t stand Elissa.” Stupid bitch. Lucy was bitchy too.

Sunday 13/1/85

Last night got to sleep around 2:00. Had 3 smokes only for fun, ate & played cards. Have a sore throat. Have had it since I woke at 8:00 this morning. [Not the ‘fun’ smoking the night before, poten After clearing up, we all decided to go Freshy for a swim. Was cool & overcast. Lotsa guys None spunky (x-ept one) who, from a distance, looked like Sean (my spunk) on our way back (Lucy was picked up) these “toughies” wanted us to come back & swim. We didn’t – who would. Then, came to my place. Lazed about, Beka left, lazed about, went to shop, picked up mim & fi’s gear. Late nite AGAIN!


Hello 1984! January in one hit…

Another year of ‘minimalist diarising’ because I apparently began in another Calendar Planner rather than a real diary, so entries are limited to a few lines – at least until I gave the Planner away in favour of another inifinitely more suitable, piece of stationery: a (pretty, floral) note book.

Since my ultimate goal is to catch up to current date (not year) so I can post a day at a time (matching dates – day and month – just 29 years out of whack) I’ll still be logging a number of days at once, for awhile. In fact, the next three posts will comprise entire months. So, get comfy!

Sunday 1 January

Geoff stayed the night but I drank some Champs!! (Champagne). Played scrabble & records all day Was quite boring.

Monday 2 January

Geoff stayed again – becoming a habit, huh? Saw ‘Octopussy’ with Fi & Stewart – was unreal!! Slept at Fi’s! Slept at 11:30

A Life in Words
A close-up of the newly pierced ears

Tuesday 3 January

Went to Earlville, then got my ears pierced at Kevin Shorey’s – 1.30!! Fi slept here

Wednesday 4 January

When started Nana’s car, Fi, Jules & me played a game. [While my grandmother was away on holidays, she’d left me the very important job of ‘starting’ her car…to make sure the battery didn’t die…or that the spark plugs didn’t rust? Who knows? I didn’t care – it was fun to pretend to drive, with the motor actually running]  11:30 – got this diary!! [‘This’ being the calendar planner’ – not the aforementioned floral notebook] In Arvy, Stew, Fi & I rode in the rain. No one stayed.

Thursday 5 January

Ears are alright, ie not hurting!! Went shopping, got money for trip to Green Island on 6th. Read a book, rode with Fi. No one slept.

 Friday 6 January

Last night went to ‘Staying Alive’ dancing (but wasn’t on). Karen wasn’t allowed to come to Green. Fi & me didn’t go either, due to clothing problems. Went to Crystal Cascades with Fi in the arvy.

A Life in Words
@ Green Island, Sat 7 Jan

Saturday 7 January

Glorious day at Green Is: Fi, Jules & me swam, sunbaked (but got burnt) ate, drank & walked. Sunny & no stingers! Saw a ‘Ray’. Had chook for tea.

Sunday 8 January

Watched the day cricket match – West Indies won. Dad came back from Perth last night, stayed today. Geoff was supposed to come over but dad was here. Mum rang him and dad was bout to say they ‘bury the hatchet’ & become friends, but Geoff hung up on him. How childish!! [the scorn of a child towards ‘potential’ step-parents can be unrelenting…]

Monday 9 January

Last night watched movie – ‘Ice Castles’ Touching story of a champion girl skater who went blind. AM: Took car for check-up. PM: read & rode with Fi.

Tuesday 10 January

Slept at Fi’s last night. Jules slept at Petra’s Sunday night. Played restaurants (with Stu & Brad) then Auctioneers. Had a game of cricket (Liam, me, Stu, Nyree & Fi) Had a black out [electrical power failure – not a ‘momentary loss of consciousness’]  while I wrote this!!

Wednesday 11 January

Small Gale last night; rain & wind. Is rainy today, too!! Tidied my knick-knack drawer in the morning, watched TV movie & in arvy played chasey game on bikes around the streets with Brad, Stu, Jules, Fi, me & Gina (“Black Gin”) [note to the Politically Correct who may be immediately incensed by this …this was a nickname of Gina’s….one she was aware of & accepted. Remember, we are kids, and it’s the early 80’s…]

Thursday 12 January

Went shopping – Kevin Shorey checked ears; “Good!” Fiona came round to sort out arrangements with Karen (about getting to town) Rode in rain.

Friday 13 January

Fi slept – went to town. Was fun!! Took $50 – came back with none!! (I had to buy stuff for school – skirts etc) $46 spent – ($4 on food & transport, of course!) Jules came with Karen, Fi & me. [Yes, back in the day, we could get a bus into town, have a meal and get the bus home, all for $4…Incredible.]

Saturday 14 January

Worked all day to spend time & earn money to use in last week of the hol’s. Made pizza, which took to C.’s (Geoff’s boss & family) for pre-dinner snack.

Sunday 15 January

Stayed at Fi’s while mum & Geoff went to Joss House. Recorded half of Michael Jackson special on ‘Airwaves’ (on tape recorder), Cleaned Geoff’s car. Got $3.

Monday 16 January

Mim came back – We (Polly, mim, fi & me) went to town. These three boys followed us around from Stereo World right into town on bikes – frequently kicking or punching us. A lady (who mim & Pol knew) from Suzie Cue got rid of them and we caught the 4:15 bus in peace. Was awful – were all shaking with fear! Mrs B.’s birthday so no one could sleep at Fi’s. Also mim gave Fi & me a cute candy-stick shaped pen each from Malulabah [as in, Mooloolaba, Sunshine Coast. I was quite a ‘phonetic’ speller.]

Tuesday 17 January

Thought Fi slept at mim’s last night but was wrong. I was quite upset previously, though. Lazed around today. Sunbaked – HOT DAY. Julia went to Polly’s for a swim. Mulleys came over.

Wednesday 18 January

Polly slept last night. Went to Mulleys in the morning for swim. At home watched TV, rode with Polly, Petra & Jules. Swam at mim’s with Fi & her. Seeing ‘Staying Alive’ with mim, Polly, Fi, Jules, me, Mr B. & Mrs B. and am staying there.

Thursday 19 January

Am tired. Is boring. Read & watched TV. Went shopping 4:00. TERRIBLE HOT DAY. Early night.

Friday 20 January

In Morning just read & lazed. In arvy, went out for various (uniforms etc) Mrs Shorey said my ears were perfect.

Saturday 21 January

Lucy came back yesterday from USA (Fiona slept at mim’s without me) Fi, Karen, Mim & me went to Lucy’s. Got our gifts. Karen & me stayed for lunch. Karen is staying at Lucy’s. They want me to go over tomorrow. Went to Pizza Hut with mum & Geoff. Lucy & Karen went too. On their own.

Sunday 22 January

Went to mim’s instead of Lucy’s (Um-ah!) Fi came up after lunch of Frankfurter’s and took Jemima’s attention from me. Early night. Am going to Fi’s tomorrow – our free day.

Monday 23 January

Others will be at school but Smithy (Year 9 & 10) kids aren’t (cause Year 8’s must settle in) Fi & I went shopping with mum. PM: Rode, then met mima (after school) Nin & Ruth came back [my Nana and one of her many sisters]

Tuesday 24 January

Non-hectic morning – I don’t believe it!! My ears will be used a lot (people looking at the earrings)…. I hate my form 9D. NO ONE is with me except Michael F. & Jay B. This is going to be one unlucky year, I know.

Wednesday 25 January

Went to busstop – 20 kids!! Our old bus is now in two parts – the Machans bus (Machans Bech to Stratford) and the Freshwater bus (Freshy to Redlynch). I think Shane likes me – kept looking at me when I saw him. Melissa C. (from 8C last year) is in my form. We sit together now.

Thursday 26 January

Went to Freshy Creek yesterday arvo. The gang (Martin, Patrick, Shane etc) & Lorelle were there so I didn’t swim with Jules & Melinda. Toni & I had laughing fits on the way home today (on the bus)

Friday 27 January

I’m sure our form teacher is a POOF! Mr H. (we also have him for science) has an earring, a long rat’s tail and long, filed fingernails (one is about 2cm long!!!!!) Dense, huh? I’m getting sick of day 1!!!

Saturday 28 January

Went to Rusty’s Bazaar this morning followed by a cold bath. IS BOILING. 1:00 – preparing for Toni’s party….

It was terrific!! Beka, Fi, Angela, me, Karen & Justine are sleeping over (We got to sleep at 2:00am) Laughed & Talked all night

A Life in Words

Sunday 29 January

The party continued today – went to Waterworks with the group. Last night watched two movies: “Valley Girl” & “9 to 5”!! Got home at lunchtime. Bathed & spent the arvy reading Sweet Dreams books which I borrowed from Toni. Leanne H. is staying tonight.

Monday 30 January


Read books all morning. PM: went to Gordonvale for the Aussie Fun Fest. Stayed 4½hrs in pouring rain. Got my white shoes wet. BORING!! Kim N. was there – said hello. When got back, had Kentucky Fried for tea!!

Tuesday 31 January

Boring school day. Great big thunderstorm in the afternoon – Lotsa rain!! On the bus Fiona yelled out “Elissa hates Shane!” I blew her up!! I was red as beetroot. Went to Kevin Shorey’s. He changed my earrings. Am now wearing the dark blue hearts which I bought to go with my uniform. I’m so happy!!!

…the Rest of 1983….

Clearly, it all got too hard for this busy little twelve-year-old. The following entries are all that remain in this particular diary:

Sunday 3 April EASTER

Went to the- Tablelands with Figgy”. I was allowed to take Fi. I ended up staying tonight! Treadly eh?!

Monday 4 April EASTER

3 April – Saw Joss House. Was quite interesting, really, Scary, too! Today Fi & I started off by riding, with Martin & Stewart in the cane paddocks, looking for sand dunes. There weren’t any at all! All were thirsty so found our way and swam (& drank) at Lower Freshy. Went to C. Cascades in the Arvy. Mr D. fell down that rough concrete – Och! Staying at Fi’s again!

A Life In Words

Tuesday 5 April

Last night, came home because I was feeling really ill. Saw Pirate Movie today with Rebecca, Julia, Petra & me! (That was one of Fi’s & mine plans) Didn’t take Fi, I’m embarrassed about leaving last night! Anyhow; Pirate Movie is the best, better than ET! Kristy McNicholl is so pretty! C. Atkins is so spunky. I’d love that movie to happen to me! Truthfully!

Wednesday 6 April

Went a-shopping; saw a-Buckley; saw a-verevis; Sarney came a-too-a! Got really dressed-up just for shopping.

Thursday 7 April

Went to beach with Pellings – 9:45. Rebecca, Me, Petra, Julia, Lysarne, Cameron & Droog & Mrs ‘P’. went. Saw Tyler, Robert L & that girl who plays with Putsy. Also saw Putsy & Verevis. Cathy from 8C & some Y9 girls. Was going to stay at Rebecca’s the night but didn’t want to. At her place in PM, did aerobics with Jane Fonda’s WORKOUT!!! Record. “Are you ready to do the workout?!!” Lysarne is sleeping here.

Friday 8 April

Yesterday Nana gave me some of her shoes! are quite nice! Fit & look fantastically & perfect

Wednesday 13 April

To tell you the truth, I’m sick of filling this diary in. Practiclly every day is the same & it’s boring. Really, you can tell I am sick of it – the spaces! Anyhow, yesterday Shane asked me why I got on at this stop & I told him, then he asked me for a patty-cake (that I made in Home Ec) Fool, Elissa! I said no! Today was the worst day ever.

Thursday 14 April

Today at big lunch, girls started playing ‘force’m backs’ and the boys ended up playing. Shane was on our side. He took a lot of catches and I think he likes me. I think he deliberately tried to walk into me accidently. I missed by an inch! Pity.

Friday 15 April

Away, sick today supposed to go to  Midsummer Night’s Dream Play tonight but couldn’t cause I had this wog!

Saturday 16 April

Went to Mid Summer Night’s Dream Tonight instead – lucky I got better – was 2nd last night.

Tuesday 14 June

Brendan told me today – Shane loves me! I don’t believe it! I’m so happy! (He didn’t tell me how he found out) It’s the best day to-day! FOREVER!!! I’m SO Happy!

Wednesday 15 June

Yesterday was a complete JOKE. I could kill Brendan.

Since 1984 began on a Sunday, there was opportunity to record something about New Year’s Day….

Sunday 1 January 1984

Drank Champagne! (Okay!) Today – played scrabble & records – Geoff stayed last night & all today.

And an extra inscription in this diary, found at the front in the ‘Notes’ section: 

About this year – My entry into high school was smooth but scary. I find it fun now, though.

I Loved It.


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Week Twelve, 1983

Saturday 19 March

Am staying at dad’s tonight cause he’s going to Brissy on Mon. Anyhow, saw American Werewolf in London (3 time!) with Pellings video. Then later in the arvy after lunch of pizza (yuk!) we made; all went to Freshy Creek!

A Life in Words

Sunday 20 March

Saw ‘Can’t stop the music’ on Pellings video (2nd time!) Later (again) in the arvy, went to Karens for a swim. Weren’t allowed so went to Lake Placid! is TREADLY!

Monday 21 March

Day 3 at school today! My favourite day! German! Typing! Home Ec! double English! Art! Maths! TREADLY SUBJECTS! Today was lengthened as parade was extra long & we missed out on half a period – was Typing too! In art started the body. I have a record so far – my face drawing was picked to go up & so was my space landscape one. Hope I have luck with my body.

Tuesday 22 March

Had a trim – fringe. Cut so short. Lucky no-one teased! Had Mr. Roff [our school principal] for Typing. – was TREADLY! At first he gave us a lecture on our uniform – a disgrace! Then when we were typing, we could do whatever we wanted because he didn’t understand. I went back tot he very first things we learnt – fff space jjj space fff space etc! !!!

Wednesday 23 March

Mum went shopping. Bought Mars Bars, heaps of biscuits and icy poles. After school, about 7:00 went to Leonie’s to swap dad’s car for ours while ours had service by Roger. Played tiggy around the courtyard. Stopped and I was sopping wet with sweat! Not to worry I hadn’t had a bath anyway. Didn’t have one when got home either. Will have it in the morning.

Thursday 24 March

Finished our geography unit & started history. Is so boring. I hate it. Going to speech for the last time. Have decided to give it up due to the amounts of H.W. Got Nana’s cartons from the railway (Figgy did). [Nana – mum’s mother – moved up to Cairns from Brisbane, and in with us…] Big heavy, things! But shouldn’t be mean. Mum had the car serviced. Didn’t do much. She also cleaned Leonie’s place, bringing in $40.

Friday 25 March

Last night, started reading the Bible. Is quite interesting. Today made my jam drops. We had a different teacher so she didn’t notice us eating the mixture. Yummy (when done) but makes you thirsty. Went out with Figgy to his boss’s place for a French Party. Made us wear a frog. Got my new things today. Shoes = mum & me, silvery metal colour low heel / Top = black & white stripe, sleeves adjustable. Good for win. or summer. And black tights for me.