Purritty embarassing! Ha! Apparently cameron was there when he rang… shame… so I’m sure a few other people know now too… Cameron, Keith, Mark, Brent & probly Steven. Girls: Sharon (mima told her; she’s totally ignoring me!!!) monique sandra (P) mima, fi, me & tanja S. I didn’t want ‘anyone’ to know… I felt terrible… (kind of) Fi & mime kept telling me to go & talk to him … as if!! Walk up sit down & start talking. I don’t have the guts, sorry. [Have to say, I still wouldn’t do it now either. Yes, I am still THAT shy.] Otherwise, fairly boring day. Think Mark didn’t mind the call. Thinking a lot more about it … he left his dinner, talking to me & the more I think about, I realise he did ask me some questions & talked too. [It’s amazing how well our Minds can ‘warp’ things…] Dad came round this arvy [it was his birthday] – gave him screwdriver set, copper beer mug and socks (& lotsa hugs & kisses) mima & fi went to town after school to get my prezzy!!! 9:35 (miss my digital watch!) can finally do [understand, I assume] my maths!! Hip Hip HOORAY!
Got a bit depressed this afternoon. I feel so dumb – I HATE my shyness. Yet, that is what they all say Mark likes in me. But it also means I won’t be able to talk to him (at school anyway) I am so confused…. Watching the mini-series now “Mistral’s Daughter”. (Besides being a little corny, it is a beautiful story.) 9:50.. gonna crash soon. Did no HW this arvy. [Removing name here for privacy reasons] went home with [and again] (and guess what? . . . yes! She said she had to tell someone. She said it was “great”!! !!!) so walking home, she stopped in at my place. We talked. Sometimes about Sharon…a fair bit about Mark. If there was a happy medium between shyness & “bravery” If I could just be able to say ‘Hi’ now & then & talk casually in class etc. it would be perfect. I am tired. And kind of depressed & confused & unsure & insecure. [Heavy]
We skipped athletics trials again this week (and with my luck, they’ll have cracked-down on those who “skip” it so will get into trouble on my birthday…) Went to town at big lunch… looked for [cassette] tape [of the album] “Little Creatures” by Talking Heads (no one had it) then got Fi’s (formal) shoes off lay-by & got lotsa food. Stopped back at Dunphy’s newsagent for the rest of the arvy, reading mags again. Polly & her friend Selina were there this time too. Also today realised just how much work I have for art and, all over, how much more I’ll have to try to achieve my goal of at least 3 VHA’s this semester…→ A LOT!! And Mark? Well, I didn’t see much of him. Going to Nana’s for tea tonight [it was her birthday…within the space of 3 days, my dad, my grandmother & I all celebrated our birthdays], on our way to Newmarket Drive In bottle shop, saw a person with blonde hair riding along. Thought Cameron. And it was. And Mark was there too!! YUM YUM! Did no HW. Is 8:50.
MY BIRTHDAY…WOWEE. The biggest, sorest pimple on my nose… PAIN! And it’s bright red! Fairly good day. Woke up to phone calls galore & ran late!! From Fi & mima, I got make-up (eye shadows!!) and cards + 1 from Donna. Not much of a fuss at school Thankful, in a way. Pretty boring day except that I missed double art for a bio talk (only to be near mark – otherwise I wouldn’t have gone) Quite fun & I think Mark’s looking at me a bit more again now. (??!!) Upset after school – the CHS & saints footy clash was on & no one had invited me. After a lot of tears [oh dear, not a happy birthday?], I scabbed a lift with the Brewers (felt absolutely terrible) mark wasn’t there. But Cameron (2nd best!) was. Got $100 so far [total birthday cash, that is]. Dad & Geoff & Jenny yet to go!!! [Expectant little thing, aren’t you?!] (Hoped Mark’d ring or something) eyes are so sore (from crying I guess) stinging – must shut them & get some sleep!! 9:45.
If there was any doubt, that can (again) be rid of; I have new again, straight from “the man” (Cameron. McK) Fiona said “does mark like Elissa?” In
biology dance practise. Of course (loyalty to his friend) he didn’t say but she bugged him & he said (something like) “Mark really likes Elissa. He’d really like to talk to her but is too shy. He’d like to walk up & talk but wouldn’t know how to start a conversation.” FREAKY!! I’m happy! I LOVE MARK!! (I look at him and wonder “that (meaning gorgeous hunk) likes ME?” How can it be? Anyway (I had a good time in chemistry with Cameron, even had a ‘waterfight’ (which Mark witnessed the middle & end of) Went to town with Julia & Justine tonight. Saw so many things I’d like that ended up only buying my shoes – which I adore!!!!!!!! ♥ Mark! 10:45. In town in Chandlers [THE eminent music store in town at that time], saw a guy (not really good looking) had looked so much like Mark ie; his features so closely resembled mark; wonder if its his brother. Unbelievable how similar he looks!
I did nothing. (I mean, after I went clothes shopping..) I got a pair of white leggins/ski pants and a heavy cotton jumper/dress… soft pink. Also got white & soft pink socks (cotton, knee-hi) and mum bought Julia a colourful shirt. But this arvy, I did barely anything. Waste of a day… could’ve waxed my legs or something. . . (eg. HW) But finally got thru’ to mima’s around 6:15… she said they’d come at 6:30 to take me to see the Yr 12’s going to their formal. I wish I could’ve seen Fi . . apparently she looked beautiful [dolled up as an usher for the function – the privilege I had also been offered but declined]. I really felt stupid … why didn’t I go? I know why & in a way I don’t regret saying no. [Well that’s a relief! Acceptance of the outcome of my choice, and a hint of the presence of some degree of self esteem!] Anyway, I’ve already started planning my dress etc!!! 10:10 Hope Mark will be my partner at our formal. Hope so. Yummiest Guy out!! I love Mark W!!!
Boring! I did my set HW (and I didn’t even start my english assignment) – well, (what I could do of maths) I didn’t have much. Then I waxed my half leg (shins) I’ve washed & moisturized them a lot this time so the hair follicles will hopefully not get infected; feels better!! (Missed a fair bit!!) Also played lots of records [yep, black vinyl – the original recorded music medium!]. But it was rather boring. Love thinking about Mark….. spunk. Also this arvy, experimented with my hair … made it wavy or crinkly & have decided to do it like that for my school photo tomorrow. Looked good! Also have decided how I’m gonna grow my hair …. Length to my lips (all the same; a bob) and get perm solution combed through it; push in some kinks so its slightly wavy or more “bouncy” – “curvy” !!! [Uh-huh and that’ll work. I had fanciful ideas about how things worked!] 10:15 Tired! Got big red dots & pimples all over my face. Will hafta use coverup so they don’t show in my photo.. unless they miraculously heal tonite!!!
[Although I didn’t date it, I’m fairly sure the following spiel I wrote in the ‘Notes’ section at the back of my diary happened sometime in this week – the mood and tone seem to correlate:] Mark is the biggest spunk. Want to make friends with him (at least) Am so upset. How the hell can I do this? Let’s face it; I am far too shy. He has to make the first move. I think he does like me a LOT. I think. (I hope) well, the way it’s going I know I am liking him LOTS more all the time. Just have to look at him and I feel elated knowing he likes me; that beautiful, tall hunk likes me, in all my plainness. It is inconceivable. [It’s inconceivable that I had such an incredibly huge inferiority complex. But, I was what I was!] But I love (??) him or at least have the biggest crush on him ever. . . .