A Life in Words

Sweatin’ the Small Stuff & a Bleedin’ Wart (24-30 March)

Published on March 24, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 24/3/86

I think Mark has little interest in me. Angela M’s birthday today. I think he likes her after all. Better still, cause otherwise I’d be all confused and getting my hopes up otherwise (like I have been) so I’ll leave it. And just look not touch. (I’m always doing that!) [This mental anguish and ‘flip-flopping’ is ‘hilarious’] Boring day. All are now. The year 12’s were inducted today – periods 6&7. Boring. It’s 9:28. I have done very little study for my test (maths) Trust me [to not study]. I never do. Why? I just can’t concentrate or keep to studying. That’s poor. Oh well. I’ve come to expect my standards as poor. [Here we go – total self deprecation as a result of feeling ‘unloved’ and/or ‘unlovable’] There are times when I wonder what my point on Earth is. [Interestingly, this exact theme has reared its head many a time throughout my life. I have often felt I lack purpose. Even though I know what I like, what I’m passionate about, do you think I can find a way to channel it into something that resembles ‘Life Purpose’?] My friends (Jemima especially seem to have lost interest in me) May as well say what I say every day God, Mark is a spunk.

Tuesday 25/3/86

No! I haven’t lost hope totally! At big lunch today, he spent all of it right in my view. [Er….SO? Are we clutching at straws here?] Every minute. He sat right near where we sat & went into the room, near windows where I could see him and he actually spoke to me! (His first sober words!!) “Hi elissa. Do you remember me? This is my friend Greg!” [Evidently Greg was standing next to him.] Wow! But it’s a start!! I’m far too shy I think. Maths test?? Ugh! I don’t think I did too well. I know I definitely have no more than 28/30 cos’ I couldn’t do one Q worth 2 marks. I think probably 20-22. Also had a spot test in Biology I got 15½/24. (I did some study tonight!!) English assignment I haven’t looked at yet! ooo-wa!! Is 9:18 now. Going late night tomorrow (Fri. is a public holiday) so I’ll see Mark at work. Will say hello. Must (try)

Wednesday 26/3/86

I’m still, of course, trying not to get any hopes up. But. It’s hard. I discovered that the ‘MARK’ I had written on my fingers wasn’t fully off. I’d wondered how many people might’ve seen it. It was pretty faint. Went late night shopping → at Kmart. [oh, so no opportunity to be too shy to say anything?] Pity, huh?! Went to speech, on my own before-hand (see, cos of Good Friday, all the suburbs & town shops were open tonight which meant mima had to work.) Gee it’s 9:53!! I have my Bio exam tomorrow and, you guessed it, I haven’t studied. God, I’m a shithead. [Believe me, I’ve called myself a lot worse!] Cross country run was cancelled due to rain – didn’t stop all day (till about 5:30 tonight) Wow!! Have an english assignment due which I haven’t done. So I will do lots on the holidays. [Pfffft, yeah.] Am I happy? I don’t know. I really don’t know

Thursday 27/3/86

Have I had one shit of a day. The worst in my life, I’d say. (so far as little things go [whadda they say… “don’t sweat the small stuff”? It’s taken me a long to grasp this one, and I still have moments struggling with it]) I get 16½/30 for maths (but it becomes 18 as I discover unjustly marked sum.) Am told to do my english assignment at lunchtime→ didn’t go – so ultimately feel guilty for the rest of the day→ Go to town after school (after attempting to ring mum all day [to tell her I assume]) and find out that Julia rang dad and told him. [And that meant potentially more trouble] (Today’s consolations include 20/24 for multiple choice section of my Bio exam, which was generally easy.) I just feel so down – Am really confused, concerning Mark. I wish I knew whether he likes me or not. Sometimes I think he does and sometimes not. HELL. Is 10:05. On bus, these hoons [‘bogans’] followed [the bus] cos Mima flirted (for fun) And they followed from town all the way in to Stratford! Dicks! they must be desperate GOODBYE Sandy! [Sandy dropped out of our CAD art class so early because her family was leaving Cairns. Twas evidently her last day.]

Friday 28/3/86

I did it! I wrote an english assignment today (I willed myself) and went round to Mr Grossetti’s and gave it to him (well, he was getting fish & chips→ Mrs G said to wait. 2mins and it took 30 seconds. He pulled up. I said “this is my missing assignment.” He said, “Gett a bit pakky did you?” [Now, I’m fairly certain that, even at the time I wrote this in my diary, I wasn’t sure of what Mr G had actually said there. You see, we used to say someone was “packing it” or moreover “packing shit” if they were ‘scared’ or nervous. So that kind of fit the scenario. But if he did choose that cool teen lingo, he’d gotten it wrong! What seems more likely is that he’d actually said ‘panicky’.] “Yeh. And I apologise for not seeing you about it” “Never mind, it’s still mid-semester.” And that was it.) Today I ate an Easter bunny. I ate a lot in fact. Watched a bit of TV. Have a feeling now about how my hols’ are gonna be. Only 9 days thank god! Did I tell you another depressing thing I found out also yesterday was that the Japanese trip cost is now $2,200? Looks quite likely I won’t be able to go. SHIT. I’ll work hard. 10 past 10. Missing Mark already. Think about him (and kissing him) when I’m trying to get to sleep at night. rainy windy cool weather!

Saturday 29/3/86

My wart bled, today. Yukky. [I had a couple of strange little warts on different parts of my hands at various times in my youth: not the typical ‘bubble’ type ones. These looked more like callouses. Quite strange. I don’t recall them bleeding however.] I took the plaits out this morning (I had them in overnight) & it looked foul. [‘Crimping’ hair was in at the time, so if you didn’t have a crimper, the next best option was to plait your hair while it was wet. Clearly, it didn’t impress me.] Later in the day I applied gel & twisted sections, which I let “loose” when it dried→ it looked FANTASTIC!! [That turned out more Like-A-Virgin-Madonna-esque!] I spent a fair bit of time this arvy, putting Julia’s hair in plaits, too. I also ate a LOT today. I am ashamed. Read all about Taurean males → sounds almost like a perfect match (I think he’s pretty-well a true Taurean.) [Didn’t REALLY understand astrology at this stage, obviously] Also did (what I could) on my Bio. assignment, i.e.: wrote out info (for the flowers which weren’t mouldy) neatly. Watched TV & listened a fair bit to the radio. EXCITING HUH? It’s 10:10 now. I’m not dead tired, but feel I should get to sleep easily ♥♥ Mark. Is the only thing I think about these daze??

Sunday 30/3/86

It’s kinda cool at the moment! I’m not too well, but before you start saying “No wonder, all the chocolate you’ve eaten in the past 3 days”, I don’t mean ‘ill’. Just a small, nagging head ache. Watched TV & did practically nothing until went to Nana’s around 1:30 (saw Fi, cos we went to her Newsagency to get Nin a casket ticket) I was watching the movie, but got tired. My feet were numb with cold!! We drove around from Nana’s → looking at houses. Went from Edge Hill, right way round to Whitfield just around Back streets!! Am a bit more tired tonight. (Was cool last night – woke at 7:30, still with my covers on) Weather is still continuing like Melbourne would experience [I say this purely from its reputation, not my personal experience! I had never set foot in the city at this point in my life.] i.e.: rainy/sunny → changing every minute (sometimes even at the same time) 10:08. I’ve (almost-not quite) decided to cancel trip to Japan, & go to Dire Straits concert (I must cos Mark is) [Of course. Dire Straits weren’t necessarily my favourite band, but international acts were a rarity in Cairns, so you would usually go whether you were overly keen or not. Because it was a phenomenon in itself, anyone famous coming to our little town.]

The Mannequin & the Ancient African Queen (17-23 March)

Published on March 17, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 17/3/86

Guess who was a snob today? I walked down to art, passed him (in a crowd of people) he looked but face was the usual scornful look – no’ expression. I smiled partially. [Definitely one of those begin-to-smile-then-realise-the-recipient-isn’t-going-to-reciprocate moments] I had wanted to say Hello. Angie was upset, too. Sandy B said Mark told her he didn’t like her. (I don’t mean to sound cruel but I hope he doesn’t) [Obviously self-interest, certainly no animosity] Also, Keith kinda looked as if he wanted to say hi, but I was too shy. [Surprise, surprise!] In art, 4th period – he came briefly into our class (I was sitting near the door & partially smiled at him as he entered) I do like Mark a fair bit. Got up-to-date (fairly, anyway) in Maths. Actually got my english assignment in too!! Double Bio tomorrow. I wonder if Mark remembered the things we did & said – I hope so. He’s so nice! It’s 9:38. I have the distinct feeling I’m not in Jemima’s good books lately. Wonder if I’ve upset her at all. Heather & Marg esp. H. are being really nice to me now. Same as lotsa others. I’m in good books [I’m certainly not feeling like the ‘goody-goody’ (social ‘pariah’) I felt I was at Smithfield High now.]

Tuesday 18/3/86

M-Mark! Mm-mm! Hunky!! Did I tell you we got the car back yesterday? No? Well it looks good (abit funny tho’, cos all the parts are new & modern i.e. bumper bar, grill, lights & bonnet etc and it makes the car ooh funny – back part old fashioned – front modern!!) Rode today with mima (Fi’s got a flat) First a dog chased us, then got soaked to the bone in a downpour (And I got a bit the same on my way home, too) Beka also called in to give me a belt back Wanted to tell her all about the party & Mark – but didn’t have time. Also did no HW. Hafta wake early tomorrow to do it. Also have to reply to Fran’s & Delanie’s letter, yet. Raining now. I love it. Rain, rain come & stay, never ever go away!! Ha! Ha! It’s 9:36. And I should’ve gotten to bed an hour ago.

Wednesday 19/3/86

I had some good news today. Well, I’m hoping it means good. Y’see, at lunchtime, barely anyone was around our seats, except Angie (M) & Astia & the pop. guys up the end. Terry said “elissa” – I look ’round → he said “come here”. I say “why?” “Wanna talk to you” – I start to move up & hear a funny noise from the group→ a laugh kind of. [yes, clearly the boys were getting ‘excited’ & ready for the ‘entertainment’…] I’m sure I went scarlet & I felt great heat creeping up my neck and face. I didn’t hear who he said but Terry said “… is a nice guy.” Shame! But you know who I hoped it was! (Angie M. was away yesterday [here I am omitting something that is not my place to share] ) After speech, fi, mim & I were talking about … mim said she doesn’t think he hates me (cos we were “together all night→ Bull) Fi said she overheard M & Steven in art and said “You remember the manequin?” “Yes” he said (I dunno how he said it though) [I’m surprised I didn’t mention the ‘Mannequin’ anecdote, but then I was limited for space in my diary. It began on the Fitzroy Island biology excursion, when I was ‘caught’ dozing on the boat ride back to Cairns: when I opened my eyes, I saw Mark & Angie & the rest of the group all looking at me, then (naturally) they laughed. I was highly embarrassed (which is another reason I’m surprised I didn’t recount the tale on the day). So at the party, Mark was asked (can’t recall whether I or one of my friends interrogated him) about that moment and his explanation was that they were concluding I looked like a mannequin because I was so still. Hmm, doesn’t ring true with me now, but I ‘ate it up’ then.] M. is tops. It’s 9:33. Wow!! another late night & no HW done. Wonder, wonder, wish (??!!)

Thursday 20/3/86

I am confused. I don’t know whether he likes me or not (to start with) and whether he likes Angela M still or not. (It’s known that he said he didn’t, but maybe he changed his mind. [It has been known to happen!] Hope not. Hope he likes me a lot. If not a lot, then not at all [haha, “all or nothing”!] Because if I did go with him, I’d be constantly afraid of the relationship ending. Cause I like him a lot & I don’t think I could cope with him saying he didn’t like me. [Oh dear, so much Fear at such a young age. So much …Ego!] Oooohhhhh… English exam I think I failed. It was so hard compared to the ones we got from Smithfield. Didn’t ride today – I rode to mim’s in morning to check – caught bus at her stop & watched everyone at gym. Fun? Nuh. It’s 10:01 on the dot. And I am disturbed. My dream last night gave me doubts about ever (if possible) entering into a relationship with anyone. PS: I did maths HW

Friday 21/3/86

Can barely keep my eyes open. Is 10:20. I am so tired. Went to Nana’s to help her with her cleaning and also change around her furniture. After, went to Coles to get some (few) groceries for us. Mark was there – I didn’t see him until the end. Wonder what he thinks of me. It is so hard to tell. Wish I knew. Wish there was another party. Damn, am so tired – my eyes are so sore. Chemistry was O.K. Tanja & I were able to check some answers but I know I haven’t full marks. Got 17/20 for my english assignment, too, which is excellent, considering I wrote it before school & at lunch-time!! [I was always a ‘natural’ in English] Have another one to do this weekend + Maths + Biology study. I am dead. Work tomorrow. Have decided to ask dad if he can give me money instead of chocolate, for Easter. I really want to get my hair permed. I must also lose some weight.

Saturday 22/3/86

Half-hoping someone would ring and invite me to a party, I decided not to spend the night at Dad’s unlike Julia. [This is exactly what I say to people when I’m finding examples of my “un-familial” nature. I yearned for social stimulation (but didn’t actively seek it out- duh!) Funnily enough, I believe I inherited my sociability from my father himself – I have always perceived him as more of a social creature than a devoted family man. Perhaps this is why, to this day, we maintain significantly less contact than my sister and he do?] I worked only a little – there was not much to do – I earned $21.50. When I got home, I wrote letters – 1 to Fran (short-ish) but the 1 I wrote to Delanie was 8 pages: about 6 or 7 of which were all about Mark, the party & Fitzroy etc. Ha! I’m wishing’! (Bloody oath, I am – no joke. He’s got to like me. Got to) Oh! It’s 10:38. Late night again. And I did no HW again as usual. Cram, Cram, Cram. Have maths, bio study & eng. & bio assignments to do tomorrow. Poop. AM starting to feel tired now. Weather is wierd. All my thoughts and writings (i.e. letters & this diary) are concerned with Mark. he is all I think about. Oh dear. [Yes, oh dear]

Sunday 23/3/86

A Life in Words — Elissa, Queen of Carthage coin, circa 410-310BC

It’s 9:42. 10 minutes ago I finished a letter to lucy. Now, this weekend, I have written 4 letters, sent 2. Started writing out rules for maths exam. Did a bit on bio assignment (found out most of my flowers are now mouldy or brown) and (very little) for english. Spent most of my time Doing my hair, listening to music, reading about classical mythology and eating. [We had a strange little single volume ‘Pears’ encyclopedia that I loved to delve into now & then. It contained some pretty eclectic info, including a great deal on Mythology, which I loved. In it I actually discovered an alternative origin of my name, other than the boring “derivative of Elizabeth”. Elissa (or Dido) was a Phoenecian princess credited with founding and then ruling as first Queen of the city of Carthage (in what is now Tunisia) in 814BC. I’m guessing that predates the very English name ‘Elizabeth’. Perhaps Elizabeth is a derivative of Elissa?] Nell & Amanda came around. Conversation was very weak – couldn’t get one started. But they left almost as soon as they came. Nana came over, too. In all my letters (except to Jodie & Mike & to a lesser extent, Fran) I have detailed about mark – it has been the major subject of the letters. I just can’t get him off my mind. Am I in love? [Nope] Or deeply infatuated? [Bingo!] Or, or what? [Obsessed?] God I wish I knew.

Falling in Love on a Trampoline (10-16 March)

Published on March 10, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 10/3/86

Julia is sick. Soon as she got home from school – she was talking irrelevantly [?!], crying, dizzy head-ache and after, (almost) continual vomiting. [Unfortunately, I fail to disclose what was wrong with her, so we’ll collectively never know] Mum took her to the dr’s in Geoff’s car around 8:00 tonight. Got little HW. Did most of it. Got letter from Fran. Wanted to write back to her (& Delanie) but didn’t have time. Is 9:40 now. I am not very tired, but must get sleep for tomorrow. Am excited, in a way (at least Donna & Mark W.* will be there (*I hope)) “Boringest” day I think I’ve ever spent at CH. except that in triple art (& little lunch) we watched “The Breakfast Club” – unreal, excellent, tops! And Neville & I talked on our way home off the bus this arvy. WOW!! My teeth are sore. (Only gamming) [Okay: why I would be ‘gamming’ about sore teeth, I can’t fathom, but for those who are wondering what the hell I man by ‘gamming’, it was local slang for “just kidding”] Have a breakout of tiny pimples all over my chin & round my nose & mouth. Not ordinary pimples – like rash lumps. YUKKY. [That’d be Rosacea. I had it on and off for years, but since I really cleaned up my diet, it has completely disappeared.]

Tuesday 11/3/86

Weather was fair for a fair day. Not exciting – but not boring, either. Is 9:30. Am quite tired – not looking forward to Thurs. or tomorrow, for that matter: I was skinted badly today → we were talking about who we liked (Donna, Angie, Maureen & I) and I said “Steven B…” and Mark W was sitting nearby. SHAME Then I indicated him & I think Angie told him later. [Uh-oh…] She was flirting with him all day. Otherwise – I LOVED SNORKELLING!! It’s fantastic! I even touched some coral!! I think the only time I’ll ever be afraid of the stuff again, is when I have no goggles or flippers. [Wow, I don’t recall having a coral ‘phobia’. But clearly it wasn’t quite resolved, since I’d still need snorkelling paraphernalia in order to find my courage.] Otherwise – I’d live in it!! Nah!! I just realised another favourite Pastime!! SNORKELLING RULES!! Not burnt! Believe it? You better! I’m a bit hot now. Got chaffing. And I don’t think Mark W likes me much.

Wednesday 12/3/86

Boring day. Boring. Boring. Boring. I forgot I had speech → was 30mins late. Had some of the remaining birthday cake from Mrs Marsland’s party yesterday. The mock cream I actually liked. [urgh, really?] Think Steven knows. Am sure of it. Then again, could be my imagination, huh?? So. I haven’t much to say. Except that I missed out on 9 sections of work in maths yesterday and our “prick” teacher only bothered to revise the last 6. So I know nothing. But the main reason for my “boredom” is the fact that almost everyone is going to Fitzroy tomorrow (& they’re gonna have a bigger rage cos it’s Heather & Marg’s birthday & they are gonna have a mini-party. And of course I’ll miss out. Life is dull. It’s 10:42. I am dog-tired. Am allowed to go to Sat. night party. [I love how I keep opening brackets and not closing them…because I’ve clearly forgotten – like a goldfish – that I had opened them in the first place.]

Thursday 13/3/86

Boring! That’s what today was. But I did survive having Mima & Fiona not there. I hated lunch time & before & after school & on the bus, the most. I didn’t really enjoy hanging around Donna (no one else would’ve hung round me) so I enjoyed her company anyway. [USER!!!] Did very little work today. Very little homework, too. But this weekend, I must get all of it done on Friday arvy, so I can do a bit of work on Saturday morning, then catch the train to Kuranda at 3:00 [where the party was being held; one of Cairns’ tourist attractions is the original train ride up there, so it made sense for parents to let us take it, rather than drive up the mountain range], go to the party and sleep in Sunday. Sunday arvy – assignments definitely. Angie is a bitch. [Here we go…. JEALOUSY is a bitch!] She’s flirting so much with Mark. Sat with him in Bio today. I think (hope) Maureen’s cheesed off with Angie. She’s a tart. I think she’s trying to make me jealous. [IF that was the case…. SUCCESS!] Is 9:50

Friday 14/3/86

I am tired. It’s 1:20. We’ve just come from a party (a Hash party) and, yes, dad was there too. It’s quite cool (Has been for a while) Carol B lent me 2 pr’s of Dean’s old flannelette PJ’s for the party. Don’t wanna use ’em but looks like I’ll hafta. [T’was to be a pyjama party…obviously. But I’m fairly sure I didn’t wear the flannels after all – it would’ve been way too hot. From memory I might’ve worn a pair of my ‘home-made’ (by mum) shorts, that could’ve passed as boxers.] Walked down to Limberlost Nursery with mum this arvy. Man gave us 20 specimens (or 16, at least) + all their names & I pressed 17 at home. That’s (almost) one assign. down – 2 (english) to go. So I did not get any set HW done. Am excited about party – will [be] tops – a rage, man! On the train, too! And dad said he’d drop me home early from work, if necessary. So I can work too. Fantastic!!!!! Am pooped. My eye-lids are lead. I’m bugared. tho’ I got about 1hrs sleep at the [Hash] party.

Saturday 15/3/86

My room’s been changed around and, Jeez, it’s different! I definitely love Mark W. He is the best! [Here we go…] I made friends with a lot more of the guys tonight (including him) but I think Sharon likes him too. He’s a spunk, he’s funny, he’s nice, he’s lovable. Angie is so jealous, too. [Really?] Sharon, him & I (mainly) spent a lot of time together sitting on the trampoline singing songs. He’s fantastic. And I hope he remains friendly even when he is sober. [!!!] Cos, to me, he’s special (but something strange tells me not to bother (he’s taken or likes someone else, etc)) [It’s called “Gut Instinct”, Liss. You’ll learn to follow it, One Day…] (I earned $16.25 at work today – almost missed the train) He came and sat next to me on the train too. I think he likes me – but it’s probably just my IMAGINATION (again) It’s 12:45. I’m exhausted. Mark W – is the only thing on my mind. Kissed me – not proper tho just a kiss on lips! [So this was it. As close to an ‘official date’ as one can get, to falling for a ‘First Love’. Note: I didn’t say TRUE Love!]

Sunday 16/3/86

Couldn’t stop thinking about last night → Mark & the stupid things I said. Mark, oh, Mark, I wish you liked me. A lot. Very much → nuts about me. I woke at 9:30. I couldn’t believe it myself!! over 8hrs sleep! Today I did work for my Bio assignment. Stupid, huh? It’s not even definitely due Tues. And english is due tomorrow And I HAVEN’T STARTED. I’M DEAD. I’ll hafta wake early & write something crappy I SWEAR, over Easter break I will do at least 2 assignments. I’m so glad I went to that party – I made friends (got to know people better) esp. Mark, Keith, Ann Marie, Heather, Tarquin, Tricia mostly Mark (& Keith I s’pose) Is 8:40 early nite please! Fixed my room properly today → heaps more room!

Relationship Counselling, Heartbreak & Hiccups (3-9 March)

Published on March 3, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 3/2/86

He said hello to me today!! I walked Fi to art the auditorium way and said goodbye, starting off down the walkway to my room. He & Mark W were walking up to theirs. As we passed I looked at him – HE SMILED & SAID HELLO and I had to smile & say hi, too (And I felt so happy after that) I’m sure (?) he likes me. Positive – must be (?) Otherwise I’ve been eating & farting a lot and it hasn’t been hot. The nights are even cool (last night had my bedspread right up all night) Beka rang – we talked. She’s fine. Are gonna go to town Fri. night. MUM HAD A CAR CRASH. Yank drove into her ($1500 damage) Carless for at least one week now. [It wouldn’t’ve surprised me if Mum was uninsured: comprehensive car insurance would be another expense she wouldn’t be able to afford on the income she earnt.] SHIT. Yank’s getting charged tho’ – driving on his US License is illegal!! [I’m not entirely sure this was true. It certainly isn’t now, unless there are extenuating circumstances.] Is 9:31 Don’t think Mima’s very happy with me for some reason. (think it might be about Jarrad)

Tuesday 4/2/86

Him? Oh, “He’s” madly in love with Sharon W. [Uh oh] I hate him (but I lie) I’m quite upset (disturbed; not crying or angry) I found out before school, so it “wrecked” my day – made me depressed. And Cameron’s Fi’s property almost well-and-truly so there’s only Mark left and I don’t think he likes me much. But I think he’s such a hunk… Beka rang again, about town & told me she had no way to get to the carnival. I rang Justine (talked) and she said she’d try. Rang mima to see what to wear – she said we could take Beka too. Rang Beka told her she could come. Rang Fi to check if she could take us all home & see what she’d wear. FINE! Rained on my ride home today. Cool!! Got my periods. Poop. Tomorrow’ll be FUN! It’s 9:39. I’m tired. Have giant black circles under my eyes.

Wednesday 5/2/86

Carnival was terrific!! In the sense that it was exciting (the atmosphere) and fantastic but nothing good happened to me. When we went to town after school, (mima got her legs waxed wasn’t as bad as she thought it’d be [in terms of pain, my guess]) we saw Brent & Steven talking to Robert D… about … Sharon. It’s confirmed. He’s nuts about her. It’s not fair. No one (I like) likes me. Actually, today was a pretty “down” day. I’m not feeling too happy lately (a lot to do with boy-business) mostly from school, too. I mean, subject classes etc. And friends. Can’t explain – too tired & don’t have enough space. Riding again tomorrow – whatever the weather. Goody Goody Goody. Hafta It’s 10:51. Done no HW today – funny how you get a lot [of homework] on the days that you’re busy.

Thursday 6/2/86

Periods are a pain in the TIT. So are farts (I just did one) Art excursion was boring. Blech. Packed day today. Mostly with other people’s problems. [Relationship counselling at age 15½….that’s impressive] Cameron & Fiona: Cameron thought Fi was angry with him for not talking to her at the carnival. I said no, she had some problems (big mouth) he wanted to know what (I couldn’t tell him – it was up to Fi) she doesn’t like him enough. Pity, huh?? And mima’s “in love” with Kye (a yr 12 who also likes her) she doesn’t know whether to drop Brent (again) or not and is consequently (thru’ brent’s eyes) acting wierd. While they were at gym, he rang me asking if I knew what was wrong. I hate lying. Also rang Beka – had a long talk – fun. I like Mark. for Biology, we’re swimming tomorrow – practise with snorkels for Tues at Fitzroy. HOT. Fast riding. Nite is 9:36 did no (very little) HW again. Then again, got very little. Runny (-ish) nose

Friday 7/2/86

Didn’t do swimming in Biology – the pool was closed cos’ they’re doing pipework (very) near it. I am tired. It’s 12:21. the movies were not too good. “Summer Rental” was OK, but the other one was pits blood-thristy, made me sick. You see, Beka came home on our bus, got ready at my place & we caught the bus into town (as planned) but we went to see mima and she asked us to come to the movies. I was allowed Beka wasn’t. Her mum came & picked her up (almost) straight away. That’s terrible – she invited me out & ended up going straight home again while I stayed to see a movie. I’m disgusted with myself. [For abandoning my friend] I heard a mention that Sharon doesn’t like Steven very much. Don’t get your hopes up, Liss. He says hello & goodbye a lot more now !!!! Got hiccups in art with Sandy (B) she thinks it was cos we inhaled too many glue fumes! HaHa!

Saturday 8/2/86

Mum woke me at 7:15. I was tired & very cranky. Didn’t want to go to dad’s for the weekend, but she ignored me. I watched TV till dad came. He & I went to work. [I wonder where my sister was?] I cleaned 49 [drums] & did 4½hrs work. ($30.25 total) Got home at 7:00. Big dinner. I am still tired. Haven’t started any HW yet. I want dad to take me home early tomorrow (not too early – I mean, when he’s ready) Kept thinking about Steven B. Tried to see him last night, but didn’t. I’m glad he says hello a lot. I like him. Not “love”. Just fondness – but you never know. God, I’m tired. It’s 10:38. “Star Trek” is on TV tonight. I half watched (watching it) & reading a magazine. Think I’ll knock off soon. Hope I don’t miss out on much this weekend, i.e. I keep feeling mima would’ve invited me out, had I been home. [This was a feeling that pervaded most of my teenage years. It’s the reason that comes to mind when trying to explain why I never cared to spend time at Dad’s. I don’t think I’m a very ‘familial’ person – unlike my sister & mother – and have always viewed my father as such: a kind of socialite, whom I assumed I took after. I hated “missing out” on anything.]

Sunday 9/2/86

Woke around 5:00 first – it was still a bit dark – went to the loo then slept again. Woke 7:30, then 8:30, then 9:15. I slept well, I think! Almost 10 hrs sleep. Today, I did HW, after finally waking up (messing around abit) I started at 12:30 and went right thru till 5:30. Chemistry, Maths & Biology. Went home at 6:00 Mum & Geoff arrived home at 20 past. Chicken sandwich for tea (that’s 8½ pieces of bread today + heaps soda streams) [UGH! Oh my God, that concept is repulsive to me now. I don’t want to imagine the damage that kind of consumption would have done.] It’s 10:22. Movie is “Hanover Street” my favourite…. well not really. I just remembered it from years ago and loved it. am missing it at the moment. my weekend was very dull. Sleepy? Kinda. Wished my weekend was better. Thinking a lot about Steven & strangely Jarrad. [When you’re feeling lonely…desperation can set in…]

Boys, Boys, Boys & ….Prunes (24 February-2 March)

Published on February 24, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 24/2/86

Sooooo tired today. Everyone (well, y’know what I mean) liked my hair. Heather loved it. (Dunno if she was for real though – can never tell.) She said it was gorgeous. Melinda B’s party was…… okay. Not bad, Not excellent either. But was good entertainment (heaps of yummy junk food!!) Dropped Brent home as well as Fi & Mima tonight. Julia said “What a spunk!” As soon as we left his place. SKINT! Mima blushed really bad!! (So she said!!) Then later, Julia said, “Elissa likes Steven B.” Thanks, pisshead. Fiona questioned it (of course) Excellent excuse that I’d told her that I thought he & all these other guys were spunky. Hope she swallowed it. It’s true, though – I do like S.B.!! SOOOO HOT today! HOT! HOT! HOT! Is 8:56. Riding 2morrow wake early to do HW!!

Tuesday 25/2/86

Today…Today, um… we rode again. Yes, it was overcast, but still quite hot & on my way home, I beat all the CH buses and Julia beat me by about 1 min. she said (saw Adrienne – said Hi) My stomach is pretty bloated, too. I think I’m due for periods soon – tomorrow, actually. OH!! SHIT. Generally – plain day. Maths was good (I love it) Cameron McK must have a permanent grin – I can’t help but smile & laugh when he says something. He’s so nice. But Steven, well, I think he’s a spunk, but I dunno if I like him much anymore. People say he likes Michelle W, anyway. They also tell bad things about him. [I can’t recall what these were…] Pity. Did no HW tonight too tired. For art, are planning to go to Brissy (& Gold Coast etc) for holidays – the CAD group [like, an art excursion]. unreal, huh?!! Is 8:50 I think people these days (especially young kids) swear a lot more but think nothing of it. [Well isn’t this funny? If I was ‘shocked’ by language back then, imagine my horror now? I actually think that the act of swearing is becoming obsolete, because it is so commonplace.]

Wednesday 26/2/86

It’s a real pity about Steven. He’s SO SPUNKY, but everyone says how much of a bastard he is. [Again, not sure, but I think it related to using girls for ‘one thing’…] PITY. Speech was boring, but after, mima, fi & I talked for over ½hour, before I rode home. Must wake early to do the rest of my HW. Only got ½ maths done!! Have heaps left, too. Also riding tomorrow. It’s 8:50. Gotta get some sleep. Was so tired today ……bad!! Boy trouble – that must be all I think about these days. I’m so lonely. Brent rang tonight to ask me if I’d take my Chem. test results tomorrow. Yes. I would. I’d hoped there’d be something about a spunk who liked me, I got it on the brain, huh?!! Bugared. Time’s going so fast now. Almost 3rd month. [March, that is] mum’s at a tupperware party. I must get to sleep soon as possible.

Thursday 27/2/86

It’s 9:30. I’m hot & sticky. Have just been late-nite shopping with mima & fiona at Earlville. Fi bought a swatch, mima bought some leotards, but the rings were too expensive for me. DAMN. Angie J likes Steven B. Mima & Brent are setting them up to ‘double date’ (kind of) at the movies on Sat. night DAMN. My hands (actually just my fingers) are beginning to peel again. DAMN. I can’t decide between Cameron, Mark & Steven, though I’m pretty sure about Steven DAMN. its hot DAMN. I’m tired DAMN. Riding was good (beat all buses home again) Ran out of Beconase. Wish Steven liked me. He’s conceited (a bit). Pity Pity-Pity-Pity. I’ve got no chance against Angie. DAMNED DAY today.

Friday 28/2/86

9:05 and I’m in bed. Well, sort of. I’m gonna finish “To Kill A Mockingbird”. Pretty ….. plain day today. Jemima tried (is still trying) to set me up with Jarrad B. He’s not bad looking, but is pretty popular/tough & I don’t know him at all. I think (like I always think) Steven likes me as well as Mark, Cameron, Chris (K) and a few others – but you know me – the biggest imagination out. So I’m gonna try’n’skip the movies on Saturday night – I just wouldn’t feel too good with a set-up or blind date. [Funny, that’s still how I feel now. If friends want to set me up with someone, I tell them they have to hide the fact from me. I don’t do blind dates or set-ups.] (Angie thinks Steven’s not interested in her – hope so) Julia embarrassed me again tonight at Coles in town. Mark works there. I pointed him out to her & as he walked up & stood near us for a few seconds, she pissed herself. How embarrassing But GOD Mark W’s a SPUNK!

Saturday 1/3/86

Went into Coles again today. Mark didn’t see me – thank God. I’m so embarrassed from last night. I came home & tried to do my HW, but procrastinated. Went to greet Dad & Jenny at 2:30, came home earlier. They dropped by to pick up Aussie [their dog, who we were obviously baby-sitting for them] and gave us some presents (SHIT yeah) I thought they’d be materialistic (something to keep) Instead, we got lollies, butterscotch, coconut ice, peanut brittle, butterscotch popcorn, candy bars galore FATTENING!! But, by far, the highlight of today was the movie (well not the movie – WHITE NIGHTS) but Steven. He didn’t go in either did Angie (??) But after, mim & Brent, fi, me & Him walked around town, looking for a cafe Found none. caught Taxi home with mim, fi & Brent (Steven got his own) Is 12:10 and I am dead tired!! but happy.

Sunday 2/3/86

Today I ate only junk (the junk that dad brought back from his trip) Nothing good besides a muesli bar [Liss, if only you knew that’s NOT ‘good’] and a lot of water. I also had 6 prunes so I can shit out the rubbish tomorrow. [Ha!] Hope I don’t break out [pimples]. Did HW after lotsa procrastination. Everything but English & Biology assignments. I’ll hafta rush english tomorrow morning. Wrote out the poems & ruled up the pages etc. but must write out the assignment body. Then I can write good copy in english tomorrow. Gee, I keep thinking about last night – I’m sure (??) he likes me I hope. I’m watching “Tootsie” on TV now (It’s 9:52) Gee, I can’t wait to see him tomorrow. Talked a bit, so could get to know him better. Woke 9:15 this morning!! So I got about 8-9hrs sleep last night any-way!

Popped Collars, Lemon Juice & Sarah Jessica Parker (17-23 February)

Published on February 17, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 17/2/86

I Heard a lot about Anne-Marie’s party today. It sounded rough (or WILD) Steven B & Mark W are disgusting. They were blind, apparently. [Another display of Innocence] Pity. I liked them both. [At this point I have omitted a statement about others, which is not my place to make public.] Like Neville!! It’s 9:12. Don’t want a late night (Dave Allen is on now – finishing soon) Went to town this afternoon (Rang mum) Was good – Ate a fair bit. Looked in some clothes shops and got a passport application form for mima (she is (if 14 other people do) going to Japan in September) Am a little disappointed now. About the guys at CHS, I mean. Would there be any “nice” ones?? [So I have always had ‘high standards’. But fear not, I am human and definitely ‘slipped-up’ in succeeding years! But that’s Life isn’t it? One big Learning Curve, littered with Ups and Downs…] Oooohh. Poop. I wanna sleep late. Riding tomorrow for carnival. Leaving later at 8:00 so can sleep till 7:00-7:15. Great!!! Did no HW!

Tuesday 18/2/86

SWIMMING CARNIVAL was fun. Nothing special – just fun. Had 1 compliment (from a girl, though) about my figure. [Er, I clearly didn’t know then that compliments from girls are generally more ‘valid’ (sincere) than from guys. Or was it actually different in the 80’s?] So many little things happened; I can’t remember them or fit them all in. We rode – was good. Rode home to mima’s and watched the video “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” [Now THAT’s how I think of Sarah Jessica Parker] Is unreal! Novelties were fun at the carnival (we won (Bruce) the 16yrs raft race, but got 3rd for the pyjama race – Tully cheated) Tully won overall, then Collins and Bruce and O’Keefe last. Funny really!! Got burnt Wore glasses and red’n’white shirt with collar up. [Think ‘popped’ collar – it was actually cool in the 80’s – that’s why it’s not cool now!] Groovy! But still got extra burnt. Gonna fail maths test tomorrow. Did only Bio tonight (but also wrote out ~~some~~ all Maths rules.) will learn & try examples tomorrow. Have only Bio, art & maths tomorrow anyway. Is 8:35. Wasn’t humid. Hot – not too humid.

Wednesday 19/2/86

Happy (-ish) day today. Lunch was a good one again (talking to the (with the) guys again – but outside the room) I love when we do that. Didn’t go to the dance. Jemima was grounded. Her mum found out that she had planned to go to Mark’s party on Sat. Grounded for only Wed. night. Problem was; Brent’s going away for Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. She had invited him to it. She wanted Fi & I to go, but stupid me didn’t want to, so Fi thought I hated her. Talked about it all after speech* and later on the phone with Fi. We (after my soppy crying) [I’m very non-confrontational, so found it hard to control my emotions when I had to face off with people. I’m quite sure I’m not the super-sensitive cry-baby anymore but I haven’t really been tested for quite some time.] told each other all the things we’d hidden over the past 3 years – my jealousies etc. Her thoughts & feeling too. Actually, am glad to get it all out once and for all. [No wonder I’ve always believed “better out than in”] Maths test was ……!! (Is 8:50) *First day of speech for 1986. Mim & I 2gether. Wed’s 5-5:45. Was good. Decided which exams we’re working for. etc!!!!!! Got 9½hrs sleep last night!!

Thursday 20/2/86

I think I am deeply infatuated with Steven B. Actually, I don’t know why I said that. It’s a funny kind of attraction – there’s nothing super about him (awful teeth) but he’s a spunk… He’s also a bastard, too. [Well, that’s what I ‘deduced’ from gossip & rumours] What a pity. Today, Astia, Sandra & I almost wagged religion but Ms Marsland caught us. We only had 20 mins of it, but the bad bit was coming in [late] SHame! Boring lunch hour today (probably cos’ Brent’s gone …Mima’s going with [dating, not going away with] him, now!) Hard riding today Lotsa head-wind. On way home, was abit easier – beat CHS bus home – not Smith. tho’. Lotta HW. Got all done tho. Late nite, too. (it’s 9:46 now) Most people said Dance was good – “great”. [There’s a good chance I’d’ve felt a wee jealous – or more rueful that I’d not gone.] There was even a bomb scare, too!! I’m in a ‘funny’ mood cranky, happy, tired all at once (lotsa other things, too) Art Excursion 2morrow… goody!! Mima going with Brent as of last night. [“Going with” was the term back then for ‘dating’.]

Friday 21/2/86

Not a good day. Not too bad, but not good. Excursion was fun (went to 3 art displays – had lunches in Mellick Centre and junk from Great Aust. Ice Creamery YUM YUM! Got back to school 5 mins before end of period 6. Had been gone since 11:15 (little lunch)) [What kid doesn’t love a reason to miss lessons?] BAD NEWS was my haircut. A bit too short. Got upset about it after, but am a little more composed now. I know exactly what I want now. Long. Fringe & everything the same (long-ish) length. Also burnt my fingers from kettle steam and felt generally sad in arvy [oh them raging’ teen hormones!] – also did no HW. GOOD NEWS. Mima rang – we’re going on their yacht to Green Island on Sunday. Can’t wait!! (It’s 10:55) Today thought a motion mima made might’ve meant Steven likes me – just my imagination.

Saturday 22/2/86

After that late night, I still managed 8-8½hrs sleep! I did all my set HW today, now and then. Otherwise, I was listening to the radio, snoozing, reading the novel “To Kill A Mockingbird”, trying out hairstyles, eating or drawing. I actually like my hair now. I suppose it’s very rare for anyone to be happy with a cut from the beginning. [Or just me…] I sunbaked (got a burnt tummy) and also tried to bleach my hair (while baking I put fresh lemon juice through the dark bits.) [The old lemon juice in the hair trick. I don’t know how well it worked, but it was something I’ve employed a number of times throughout my life.] Mrs B came round too, to talk with mum. I’m staying at mime’s tonight – there’s a video night (it’s 6:33pm) and it’ll end late so I may as well stay over (cos also hafta leave for Green Is at 7am anyway) Will be a late nite! Haven’t had tea yet!! Nana came over today. WHOOP! Nah! [It’s a tad painful seeing these kinds of comments about my grandmother. Granted, she and I never really saw eye to eye, but had I known she had only about 18 months left to live, perhaps I mightn’t’ve taken her visits for granted? Cest la vie, I guess.] Leaving for mima’s soon!

Sunday 23/2/86

I am “burned” thoroughly. [Oh, good. And apparently all the damage is done in these ‘formative years’…] And tired. Movies were slack so watched “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” twice and otherwise mucked around. Got 5 hours sleep. Woke 6:00. Was soo tired. (Still am!!) Was TERRIFIC today!! Getting over there was slow – there was no wind. Used the outboard mostly. But once there, it was terrific!! Fantastic!! [I have always loved the ocean – at least, the calm waters of the Coral Sea.] We got there 11:30 (Left wharf at 8:00!!) Swam to shore, got an ice block, and spent about 1½ hours jumping off (& tanning or burning) on the jetty. Saw Fishers with Skinners, too skint!! And Donna B & Suzelle R Went back to yacht at 1:30. Had lunch and went home about 2:00. Got home 5:30 (Home home at 6:15) Saw lotsa dolphins jellyfish, crabs & manta-rays and a baby shark!! Am burnt pretty “good“! All over – but not sore Looks good!! [See… how do Skin Cancer campaigners compete with Vanity?] Is 8:43 Nite!

Valentine Mourning, 1986

Published on February 14, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

At times in my teens, and even into my early twenties, I would write to ‘purge’ and this Valentine’s day was one of the first… or at least, one of the oldest ones I have retained. It’s probably a good thing that I felt the urge to do this (as woeful as it is) since writing is often considered cathartic…

IF ONLY…

It is 6:01 [PM I will assume] on the 14th of February, 1986: St. Valentine’s Day. I am 15 yrs, 7 months and 4 days old.

I know depression. Loneliness. That is just a form of depression, with which I am well acquainted.

I (along with others, I know) received no gifts.

However, I (along with others) gave no gifts.

Is it my shyness?

Is it my imagination which makes me think (hope) I’ll get gifts? And is it my imagination which makes me believe boys like me?

What is my problem?

Am I fussy? There are those who have shown their attraction, yet I rejected them.

If I am fussy, there is no hope of my changing. It would only make me more unhappy.

What is a kiss? I am 15½ yrs old and never been kissed.

That may not seem bad to the older generation, but to those of mine it is saddening. Is there any hope for me?

I wish someone, someone to whom I am attracted, would show a mutual interest. It would be so very fulfilling for me. It would relieve so many anxieties withheld each day.

I could no longer be ashamed or feel sorry or pity for myself.

That is what I feel. So sad. So sad.

So depressed.

Especially, on this day.

St. Valentine’s Day is, for everyone, either the most beautiful, rewarding, touching or the most sad, depressing day.

The latter I have experienced every February 14th, every year.

It must change.

It MUST, MUST, MUST, MUST, MUST, MUST, MUST, MUST, MUST, MUST change.

But WHAT do I do?

Do I ignore my imagination; being friendly & lively instead of shy and withdrawn to those to whom I am attracted.

It is easier, much, much easier said than done.

It is a terrible, lonely feeling which I am experiencing. I know many others (many?) know the feeling all too well, too, but it is something that one choses to believe is happening only to him.

It is indeed, a selfish attitude, but a true one, one that cannot easily change.

Those may try and brightly say “Oh well! Plenty of others know this feeling too.” But within, there is pain. Loneliness.

That type of depression is ….heartbreaking. That is perhaps the best word describing the feeling.

Heart-breaking.

Oh!

If only…

If only I could change

If only others could change.

If..

If.

This depression is tiring. depressing.

God, how I hate that word.

I feel I could cry my heart out.

But.

But there are no tears. Just a sinking feeling. Blue. That’s how I feel

Down.

Down in the dumps.

Blue

Heartbroken

sad

and

Depressed.

God how I hate that word.

What’s the use of being a ravishing beauty if there is no bright, bold personality to match?

I am not a ravishing beauty. Yet, I know I am no cow.

But I have the personality of one. I lack sincerity, individuality.

I have no personality.

I have

Personality.

It is 6:30, now.

Bludging, Laughing & Raging on the Weekend (10-16 February)

Published on February 10, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 10/2/86

I do have my black bags back again. Boring day. Chemistry class was split; I’m with Tanja. And that’s it (except for Brent, Cameron & David, our class is full of deadshits – OH Linda & Heather aren’t.) It was so boring. We have Mr Lavers but he was away so we bludged the whole 2 lessons (no teacher told us what to do) I wrote a letter to Fi & mim (that’s 3 classes they have together, now) and also Delanie. Mim & Fi said that they understand all that work now- with Mr Misamis. Lucky. Wish our class was one. I’d rather one of 35 than two of 15 & 20. [When you’re 15 your friends mean more than your education, although I realise now the importance of small class numbers.] SHIT classes. Had to stand on bus this arvy. Valentine’s Day will be sooo depressing for me. Is 9:31. I think I’m riding tomorrow.

Tuesday 11/2/86

I liked today. It was good. I don’t know why, I just feel happy – it was no special day. Biology was a bludge. Maureen, Donna, Angie & I talked. It was quite cool last night – I had only my sheet on & (nothing except undies) used my pillow to try and keep me warm. [I still do that sometimes: if there’s no extra bedding within reach, forget climbing out of bed – use a pillow!] Tonight I’m wearing the old, faded, poly/cotton nightie. Hope it’s cold again. Rode home really fast this arvy – beat Julia’s & our buses home – no sweat! (Well, actually there was a lot!) Just too early to meet Justine & Beka though. Rang Justine – we talked for 45mins!! Mum & Julia got cranky & made me hang up. [This was not the first, and definitely not the last time I would ‘hog’ the phone (remember kiddies, there were no mobiles in the 80’s)…and it’s quite funny considering how much I hate talking on the phone now.] Laughed a lot today (in Maths, mainly) Fi told me about Cameron asking about me. [In relation to being a past neighbour of his father & stepmother – not for the reasons one might ordinarily guess] He didn’t even know I was at this school!! Is 9:30 on the dot!!

Wednesday 12/2/86

Pretty good day again today (I mean not special – but not boring) At lunchtime, Tanja, Fi & mim & I went into a Room & soon all the boys (well, the ones I like) were in there too. [I certainly was impressed by this moment because it’s remained one of my clearest & most favourite memories of my early days at CHS….possibly because it may have felt like the boys were seeking our attention?] I’ve decided the ones I like best are Steven, Cameron & Mark (& David & Ricky a bit) I think (I’m trying not to get my hopes up) Steven might like me. Whenever I see him he’s always in positions where I know he can see me. >HOPE< & ditto (kinda) with Mark and Cameron. Had a laugh in Chemistry with Tanja today over bomby cars!! Went home on the Saints bus instead. [Saint Augustine’s was a Catholic boys-only school, and a major ‘competitor’ to Cairns High especially in male-dominated sports. But I guess also, in a respect, a competitor for girls’ attentions…] Chem & Bio Big bludges – teachers are away on YR12 camp. Had no relief teacher for Bio!! At all! I love laughing. [Who doesn’t? Unless you’re being tickled to death and you can’t breathe.] It’s 8:42 – early nite

Thursday 13/2/86

I was naughty today. [Such a strong sense of Conscience] I rode (doubled Fi) to the Trubook Baths in lunchtime (Mima was doubled by Donna & Sharon took Fi’s bike with a guy.) Also Mark F. & Melinda B went too (also some other kids.) Was alright, except for the teachers. They stopped all Smithfield kids from talking to us & one teacher even followed us round the fence-line, warning & telling us to go away. Saw Justine, Richard, Adrienne, Erica, Jay, Anna, Colleen etc. Poor Anna looked so sad. She hates Smithfield now. So much. Riding home, stopped at Stratty P.O. to buy stamps for Mim. Beka got off bus. Talked for a while. All buses passed me. Had religion today too. FUN!! (Blah!) [As far as I can remember, that was the ONLY “religious education” I ever received in my two years at Cairn High. In fact, I don’t recall getting any at Smithfield in the three years I was there either! I guess that’s state school for you? Hooray!] Is a little sticky at the moment tho it’s 8:40. Not hot – just sticky

Friday 14/2/86

VALENTINE’S DAY is sooo depressing! God, I’m HOT And disappointed. I’ve got over my depression but I’m still a bit disappointed. [Look out for an extra special blogpost, this Friday: I wrote about this ‘depression’ in further detail…it’s incredibly woeful!] But, chin up. Think of the future. (things MUST change) They will. Mima can stay over tomorrow night (I’m trying to get Fi over, too.) Hopefully (I talked to mum) we can go to Anne Marie’s party. Otherwise,we’ll drop in at Mark’s for a while. Fi got 2 val. cards (one from mima – the other from Glen) Brent’s got one for mima. But she hasn’t got it yet. And me? Of course, I got none. It’s 10:41. I didn’t want a late night – my clock just stopped ticking. Hafta wind it up.. That’s betta!! The card for Cameron from julia, everyone (mostly) thought it was from me. SHAME [My sister had a crush on Cameron, spanning back from the days when we lived beside his father & stepmother, circa 1983-4. Because she was still at Smithfield High, I was the courier for her valentine’s card to him and I definitely copped some flack thanks to others’ assumptions.]

Saturday 15/2/86

Tried to make myself do HW before mima came, but didn’t. Sunbaked for 40mins (20ea. side) Coloured a little bit. When mima came, we did HW. 12:00-4:00 No! 5:00! In that time, we rang Fi & she came up and Brent rang twice. After, walked down the shops (at Freshy Creek) and bought …cigarettes. [I’m guessing they cost in the vicinity of $2 for a packet back then (the equivalent of about $4 now), so it wouldn’t’ve been too hard for us to scrape together the coin needed for them.] Got ready around 6:30. Got there [where? Anne-Marie’s party?] at 8:30. Heapsa Smithfield ragers. Stephen N (remember him – blonde-haired spunk) was there. (Everyone thinks he’s cute – Anna, Mim, Fi, Col, & Sally) Went to Suzelle’s & drank Westcoast (other people’s – got in deep shit) Back at Mark’s all night. Had 3 smokes. Lotsa drunk kids. Gangs around Old Smithy Road corner. Bashed Ward (Mark’s friend) everyone scared. All went – thought police would come. Everyone made to be driven home. Really scary. Neville & Torsten went missing for 2 hours. 12:00-2:00. Were all right. Is 2:30 now. Are all shit-tired!

Sunday 16/2/86

Woke 8:30. Shit! Got only about 5-6 hrs sleep. Shit!! Did nothing while mima did English assignment & Fi some Bio. HW. Fi had to go to work 11:30. We (mim & I) went to Mark’s – looked at the mess & helped clean up. We even got food & shit in our back yard. Whole street & park area big mess. Anyhow, cleaned our bikes (after we walked to shop for lollies & dropped mim’s gear off) Got burnt Then made patty cakes. Then iced them. Ate some. Had a big talk in the park around 5:30 to 7:00 after we’d seen Cameron (McK) & 2 other guys riding up the street (But they never came back) Talk was great. Steven B is not a virgin. Mima said so many guys aren’t. So many nice (looking) guys. (Mark W) Pity. Pity. Pity. [Oh this makes me laugh! Was I really SO innocent & naive?!] Is 8:49. Am tired. Must sleep. PACKED WEEKEND: was a RAGE.

Noisy Neighbours & an Eyeful of Toothpaste (3-9 February)

Published on February 3, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 3/2/86

Art is hard. I’m not sure if I like it too much. We have to do a journal (just 2 people per week – this we[ek] me & Angela M) Ask people how they feel about being back at school etc taking Quotes. SHIT. [I’m shy – in case you have missed that along the way – so this kind of assignment would bother me not so much for the work involved, but simply for the fact that I’d have to talk to people…. people I didn’t know because I was brand new to the school.] Wrote 8 page detailed letter to Jodie & Mike about the cyclone. Got letter from Jodie & Fran today. Gonna write to Fran again, soon. Hot today. Bit sunny. Had some rain but Turning point was the ELECTRICITY CAME ON AT 8:26pm!! 2 days 5 hours without power. Gee! Riding tomorrow I think. Farting a lot. No smell. […in case you were wondering…] Is 9:57 (late.)

Tuesday 4/2/86

Riding – hot & sweaty but good!! Got to school at 8:10, but finally went to our area at 8:40 cos’ we’d spent the time on the oval waiting to cool down. Was bad!! Riding home, I “dropped” (lost) my 2 art pictures, they went under cars, bikes, but I got them back in a pretty good condition believe it or not!! Also got my Bio texts today which made my bag 50kgs heavier!! (OOH! Mozzies are bad) Had no English today – Great! Had no chemistry – BOO HOO! Got an ulcer on my tongue. Still have no idea what to do about this frigging journal for art. Stuffed shit. I talked to Neville today in art. Was funny (wierd) – for me at least. Is 10:03 – very late tonight!

Wednesday 5/2/86

HOT today. That’s why we need rain – its never that hot. I sat in the back seat today with Polly & Ruth/Judy ( / means they swapped ½ way) And Fiona (f) told me that Mark likes me & Neville doesn’t. (Don’t blame him) This art course is getting me more frustrated by the second – so much work – barely anything to do with ART. Hmph! Am boiling. Party next door – Fullers. Kids are playing spotlight or something – yelling soooo loud. SHIT is hot. Might have another shower before I hit the sack. Is 9:39. I need an early night, some time (soon) SHUT UP next door!! Night!

Thursday 6/2/86

It’s 9:27. I can never get an early night. It’ll probly take me an hour to get to sleep & I’m a bit sticky although it’s raining now + I Hope it doesn’t stop. this morning mima & fiona caught me by surprise – they appeared on their bikes. Luckily I was ready early. Today I found out 2 other guys who like me – both dark – one, the one who likes me the most, is ugly & yukky & I hate him. [Harsh!] Goes on our bus & is in my maths class. The other one’s okay looking but is a toughie – a jerk – a reject. Max temperature today was 36.6º STINKING HOT especially riding home & when I got home (believe it or not) Neville (was at Mark’s) Yelled hello & waved. I, naturally, a nice person, waved back & “Hi!”

Friday 7/2/86

I had a feeling today would be a bad day … it wasn’t. But it wasn’t fantastic either. I did no HW at all today. SHIT its hot. Wasn’t as bad today as it was yesterday. Our chemistry class is gonna be split on Monday. Betcha anything I’ll be separated from the main. Betcha. Christ it’s hot. Got my english contract for Sem. 1 – today & found out that stupid [art] journal is due today & not Mon. but she’s letting me hand it in then. I was the only one who got my 6 logos right today – Betcha people think I’m a pet or something. Is 11:06. Another late night I wish there was no school. Bores me shitless. I think all the hunks at CHS dislike me & all the dags do like me. I feel really lousy.

Saturday 8/2/86

You’ll never believe what I just did to myself. I was brushing my teeth, when on reflex, the brush flew out of my mouth and my reflexes shoved it into my eye!! I cacked myself (so did mum – not Geoff) [to ‘cack’ oneself is to laugh so hard one might soil one’s self] It looked so funny!! Although the toothpaste got in & began to sting a bit. FUNNEEE!!!! Am hot. Today I did no HW either. We went to help (to clean) Nana’s flat, from 10:00 to about 1:30. [I assume this is when she moved into the nursing home. She wasn’t ‘infirm’ – she just needed to be somewhere where she could receive assistance if she had any difficulties. The rheumatoid arthritis was beginning to erode her independence so she was placed into a ‘serviced apartment’ in the complex. She was still autonomous.] Was boring. At home I did nothing. I should have done my HW: I’m such a procrastinator. It’s only 8:34 now – I’m having an early night. D’you know, Fi, mim & I (& some others) put our names down for the school social committee yesterday?? I wonder if we’ll be organising a Valentine’s Dance??

Sunday 9/2/86

Today I woke at 8:37. I couldn’t believe I slept for 11hrs last night!! It’s great – there are no bags under my eyes!! (But I’ve just watched the movie – it’s 10:26 – so I’ll probly get them back) I did my HW after all, at around 10:30. Mim rang me then & asked if I’d like to ride to Trubok Pools so we could practise for the swimming carnival. It was perfect except that I had to see Dad off today. [I have no idea where he was going…and why it was necessary to “see him off”. One would expect it to be a lengthy or distant journey for this kind of ‘fanfare’.] So I refused. Dad came at 2:00. At the airport we sat in the bar with some Hash people. Said goodbye. Stayed with Hashers at bar, till Roger took us home at 4:00. I ate sooo much. Watched TV & finally finished my art journal – is really crappy!

Life Begins at Cairns High & Winifred Blows In (27 January-2 February)

Published on January 27, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 27/1/86

Woke later this morning – 9:00. Camp was too short. SCHOOL TOMORROW. OH NO! Tanja, Mima, Fi & me (& hopefully Sandra B) will be a group. [The little Cancerian, driven by the desire to feel Secure.] Anyhow, cleaned up after a Gigantic brekky of pancakes again. Went for a swim. Others got 2 paddle boats, left us (4) behind. We swam out & they paddled away. BITCHES. Sandra felt bad – we understood her. We were half-drowning. Cooked big lunch too – soup, custard, popcorn & damper. [Yuk!] Then left at 2:30 in combie. Tired on way home. But had fun. Exhausted now. Beka rang to wish me good luck. Felt guilty about not seeing her before school like I said I would. Am almost composed (I guess) [I can imagine how nervous I would have been feeling] Is 9:34

Tuesday 28/1/86

Today was…. quite….. UNREAL!! I’m in 11B with mima, Fiona, Tanja, Lynette (G), Brent, David S, Cameron McK, Mark F, Kevin L and a few more. Great huh?!! English – I’m with practically no one; Bio – Angela J; Maths – Fi; Chem – Fi, Mim, Lyn & (everyone else) in our form; Art – Sandra, Astia, Elisia. Great!! Heaps of spunks – mostly jerks though. Bus was empty – about 10 people on it!! More tomorrow – will be packed. Sean M is in my Bio class. There’s a cute spunk (his friend I think) there too. Mmmm! At lunch, walked Angela to her parent’s shop & met Jason P, MR & MP Busting for pee all day – didn’t wanna go to those yuk loos. [I’d heard tales years earlier about razor blades being embedded in the cakes of soap, and the coloured girls attacking the whites in there: no doubt a part of the fear mongering older students liked to dish out to keep the ‘newbies’ in submission, because I never experienced anything remotely like it in my two years there. Having also come from Smithfield High, which was a brand new school when I began there, I was accustomed to somewhat newer & obviously cleaner amenities] Is 9:15.

Wednesday 29/1/86

I am sooooo tired. My english class is full of dead-shits (dags, idiots, delinquents) Donna B is with me. We’re the only white girls. The best thing is the teacher – Mr Grozetti. (Adam’s dad) He’s good, mima says (she & Fi have him too) Also my biology class doubled mysteriously in numbers today. So that means we’ll be split into 2 classes & with my luck Angie (J) will be in the one I’m not (I’ll have Donna B) Art was embarrassing. Had to get to know each other. Neville pretended he couldn’t say/remember my name. How pathetic. [Fair go! Maybe you actually aren’t memorable, Liss?] Skool finished early. So we went to town.. Caught bus home. Is 9:33

Thursday 30/1/86

Orrrright. My Bio class is …. small. Angie is with me so is Donna. Love Chemistry & Maths (Fi) Ben’s also in our Maths class now (David D, too) Cyclone Winifred has intensified and is directly east of Cooktown Gales up to 150km/hr SHIT! That’s why the wind picked up (one hell of a lot) today. Raining still. LOVE IT, though!! Sean is in other Bio class so I have nothing with him (thank god) need not pay attention to or sneak glances at him. He’s a jerk, but he’s cute. So’s David S. Double english tomorrow YUK. Oh well!! Heapsa work for art. This course is gonna be VERY HARD Is 9:48 Have no leathers for Chem!!!!

Friday 31/1/86

Best of all, I like David S I think. I also like Steven B, Cameron McK, Sean S, Mark W, John C, Rikki & Ben P. I don’t like like them – I think they’re spunks. God I’m tired. Wind has dropped & rains a little less. Am behind in art already. Gonna hafta make my folder a rush job. Oh well!! David’s sooo cute & Steven’s such a spunk. Gord, CHS is a haven of spunks. [Like a kid in a lolly shop!] I’m bugared. Getting my leather shoes tomorrow. Periods finished. Gonna look after my skin. Is 11:50 Movie was slack. Gosh I can’t believe how tired I am nite nite!!!!

Saturday 1/2/86

I am writing by the light of a torch. The cyclone is now nearer to Babinda – Innisfail and heading SW at 15km/hr However Cairns is still on cyclone warning. The power has been off since 3:30 this arvy due to various fallen power poles. The wind is very gusty. Radio reports heaps of telephone/power poles, bus shelters, trees, sheds & roofs – hold it, they just said that FNQEB men are trying to restore power at this moment. Great – hope they can. The wind and rain sounds like the ocean now – great gusts remind me of waves breaking against the shore. This morning went searching for leather shoes – nothing. Saw Mark R – works at Mathers. Smiled at him & smiled back. Felt a tinge of confidence!! Is 9:10 saw heapsa others too [Up to this point Winifred was one of the most destructive cyclones to hit the Far North, as the Australian Bureau of Meteorology noted: “Winifred produced the most disastrous effects on the Queensland coast of any tropical cyclone since Altheain 1971.” She was a Category 3 on the scale of 1 to 5 (five being the most intense) and the eye of the storm crossed the coast just south of Innisfail, which is approximately ¾ hour south of Cairns.)

Sunday 2/2/86

Tonight I’m writing by candlelight. The power has now been off (it’s 8:36) for 1 day and approx. 5 hours. Today, we cleaned up the yard & took all the stuff back outside, before dad came. We went to Duffy’s (her whole front yard was a torn, lifeless muck – jungle & her shed at the back no longer existed) & helped her clean up (then to Roger’s old place – he lost the fence & some windows on the granny flat.) Then to a party at Kingfisher flats on Esplanade (BORING) Jenny drove us home (after a tour of the town) mim & Fi were at the park waiting for me. We talked. Rained a bit. SHIT the weather’s fine again. There’s pretty bad things – old 100 year old trees fallen. [These were mostly fig trees, which apparently have weak or shallow root systems so are obviously more at the mercy of storm conditions than many others.] It’s a shame. But I love the rain

At the back of my diary, in the notes section, I expanded upon the cyclone:

THE CYCLONE WINNIFRED has been pretty vicious. They say that what Cairns looks like is nothing compared to Innisfail – 100 houses approx. are roofless. There are only 2 trees still standing in the whole of Mission Beach & worst of all, 2 people have been killed. [According to the Bureau of Meteorology, the death toll was actually three] A young girl was hit by flying iron & a 43 yr old man fell from his roof, trying to secure it down. [The third was apparently a drowning] The oldest trees around Cairns have fallen. Heaps & heaps. It’s a terrible shame. 100 years old – we’ll never see others if they’re planted now. I wish cyclonic winds would leave trees & power poles alone. [Ha! A pipe-dream. Clearly, I was sensitive to flora destruction but at the same time also couldn’t bear electricity blackouts.] Everything else – I don’t care. I hate seeing beautiful trees up-rooted. It’s ugly & saddening.