Enter Eighty-Eight: Heaviness, Holes ‘n’ All… (1-3 January)

This year will be a particularly difficult transcription for me, for a number of reasons:

Because I’d decided in ’87 that I needed more room to record, I didn’t buy a day-to-a-page diary. Instead, I started out with a little ring-binder folder (see Tuesday 29 Dec, in the previous post] but as it filled up within the first few months, my 1988 diary ended up scattered throughout various notebooks and writing pads. Thankfully I did collate and transcribe them by hand some years later into a thick A4 spiral-bound notebook (pic below).A Life in Words

Because I wasn’t confined to an allotted space, I wrote more. A LOT more (…and gawd, did I dribble on…) This is painful in itself: it’ll demand more time & effort to publish my weekly posts.

Because of the scattered entries, but also mainly because of my particularly frenetic social life, some entries (days) were lost as a result. I’m fairly certain this is the only year that has ‘holes’ in it. This would be one of the main reasons I reverted back to ‘day-to-a-page’ diaries ever after. The limited space also encouraged me to continue my routine: an open book (unlimited space) is quite intimidating and feels like a lot more work… )

And finally, to be totally honest, I just didn’t like 1988. I can’t really explain why: maybe it was simply the Real World, the literal end of childhood. I was now facing Real Life and Responsibility. It wasn’t an easy year for me; the whole world as I knew it fell away beneath my feet. I somehow found it traumatic, but in an entirely different way to the bus accident: it was more personal. There was no extraordinary tragedy/ies to which I could ascribe my feelings, my actions and reactions: this was me drowning (as it felt) in the face of ordinary, everyday life experiences.

Friday 1/1/88

Well at midnight it was hug like crazy. I hugged so many people and got some kisses too. I’m sure I could’ve kissed Philip (N) had I not pulled away in the first place. [There’s that inherent shyness that most people can’t see in me…] I was so hurt when I saw [privacy omission] and Jim … they went all the way. I really wished Mark was there then, but was O.K. Soon after, though, Megan Sharon & I left: got a taxi to the Hill. Wasn’t too bad in there, but all the sleazes were left. […as they always are….] I was in a real mood.. not really happy (very tired) and thinking one hell of  a lot about Mark. God I wish he was here. So much. Well in Smithy’s we sat (after Sharon & Megan “exploding”) [that is, after they each downed the particular cocktail we all favoured for intoxication purposes- aptly named ‘Explosion’. For those who missed the description previously, it was a glassful of straight spirits, set alight and consumed through a straw…] & I was real bored- that Darren S guy came up beforehand and was saying how he’d wanted to see me again after that night (I was so nonchalant) (almost bitchy) […yes, well, clearly not interested…] It was really boring (CB & I were dead tired Sharon annoying me so much ..getting shitty ‘cos I “wasn’t getting into it”. Anyway we left around 3:30, with [privacy omission]. Dropped Sharon home, then to a 24hr [service station …”servo” as we called them] Megan & [privacy omission] got food – CB & I nearly bombed [fell asleep] in the back of the car (talking a lot about [privacy omission] tonight she had Shane McM; bitch) so then [privacy omission] took us to Megan’s where we sat and talked for a while in the car. Finally they left (CB & privacy omission]) and Megan & I prepared for bed. A Life in WordsAfter reading Mark’s letter, it was about 5:30 and daylight was breaking. I woke a few times, but got out of bed at, get this: 1:00pm! Megan & I had food, a swim, food then mum got me (about 4:00) We talked a lot in between. I’m still worried about what to do this year. What will I do?? SHIT!! So I watched TV all afternoon. Mrs H came past (walking the dog, Gemma) and stopped to talk… all about careers & life after school. Megan forgot to ring me tonight ([privacy omission] did this arvy- she knew I was shitty with her about Jim) Just watched the 4hr AUSTRALIA LIVE show (bicentennial thingy) was quite good! Some things were really funny! Now I’m going to watch DR. ZHIVAGO while everyone else bombs A Life in Words(I probly will too) Have so much to do: get Mark a present, send him a telegram, [Ha, seriously? For anyone under the age of thirty, imagine going to an office in town to pay someone to send a text message for you. That’s pretty much what a telegram was…or IS if they even still exist?] decide about my QTAC, get Mark’s family a prezzy, clean my room, etc, etc, etc! …Ugh! Well Goodnight. First goodnight of 1988!!

Saturday 2/1/88

Well, I got to bed around 2:15 last night after Dr. Zhivago (which I really loved) deciding that Rage wasn’t worthwhile watching. I woke, god knows, to answer the phone (Joannah: [privacy omission]) around perhaps 10:30(??) I spent the day, well, most of it, cutting up magazine pictures (watching cricket) and was still doing that when Mike & Cynthia and Dougie, Thomas and couz Kylie & her best friend Nonie, arrived. I felt unsociable because of it, but I tried. Could tell they were bored. Sharon rang in the meantime & invited me to Green Is. tomorrow I said I’d ring her back. So I finished cutting pictures and cleaning out more drawers (and “regions”) of my bedroom. Taylors & Co and Sharon rang – I said yes. A Life in WordsTonight I have a rather large mess on my bedroom floor. It’s 9:30 or so and I don’t care if that’s the way it stays. […which is impressive considering how neat and organised I am – verging on OCD…] I need an early night. Gotta be up early tomorrow. God I’m missing Mark! Only 3 days left! Catching up my ’87 HW diary this arvy too – that took up time & space. [And was it really so important? No!] I have so much to do!!

Sunday 3/1/88

Mum woke me I don’t know when because I was tired and hadn’t finished my dream, but I got up at 7:38 anyway. Had breakfast, waxed armpits (!!) then rushed around trying to figure out what to take (& wear). Had nothing in the fridge I could take to eat, neither did we have any suntan lotion (only 15+ sunblock – so I took that) Got there just a little late (Sharon said she was beginning to worry→ panic) Bought tickets & boarded. Packed boat→ had to share our seat. Once there (long boring trip) found ourselves an area, swam then baked. A trip to the kiosk (and back for a swim & a bake again) revealed… NO spunks (unattached ones, that is) How depressing! So after another trip (to get lunch) then another bake (I felt I was getting burnt) we went, got a loaf of bread and Sharon fed the fish. She borrowed snorkels and goggles from this man and occupied herself . I sat, staring into the water, watching that man’s [the snorkel-and-goggles man’s] lady (wife!) having heaps of trouble in a canoe when I realised this most gorgeous guy (worked at the island) was sitting close by… laughing now & then. He made some comments and I laughed. A Life in WordsGod he was cute! Grant Kenny lookalike! [Grant Kenny (see right) was an Australian Ironman champion in the early 80’s] I said after awhile (Sharon had come up) “where’s the lady in the canoe?” and we laughed again (Uh, yummy!) So Sharon & I hung around, then went for our last quick dip (having gone back, gotten our gear, and placed it on our boat) Got on, then went off again to get food at the kiosk & on again & there he was! We went up to ask one guy some silly question just so we could perve. [Ha, teenaged girls…] Trip home seemed faster. God my legs are so burnt: so’s my stomach & lower back ..mph! Pain! Walked up to the Hostel, I rang mum & Sharon caught a Hayles bus home. [Hayles Pty Ltd was the company that ran the vessels to the islands at that time, and they naturally (a tourism essential) provided courtesy buses so she snagged a free ride home since one of their routes passed close by. Unfortunately, they didn’t ‘service’ my part of town.] Did nothing at home except worry about the amount of things I have to do tomorrow. Presents + telegram for Mark… clean room, go through QTAC forms. Oh dear! Watching cricket now – it’s depressing cause we are losing (again?!) [maybe that’s one of the reasons I’ve ended up with an aversion to watching it now?] and it’s about 10:00. So I might go to bed, now. Beautiful weather today. We were going to go to beach night but decided we were too exhausted. I’M BURN’T!! [I have no idea why I threw an apostrophe in that word. I did know better… sunstroke, maybe?]

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Beaches, Shots, Cocktails: A Party Animal is Born (28 September-4 October)

Monday 28/9/87

[Having gone out clubbing on the Sunday night (to my first ‘Beach Party’ night at the Playpen!) this entry kicks off with my continuing recount of the ‘rage’ we were having in the wee hours…]

→ And I was O.K! [referring to my having consumed ten tequila shots] Stumbled now & then, but I was standing & taking the stairs well and I knew (almost) everything I was doing. I had no money left by the end. There was this cute blonde guy called Scott who danced with me, but the Americans later on, were unreal. “Will” was quite cute (what I remember!) kept saying I had a cute smile; [that] I was cute. IT WAS TOTALLY UNREAL. We were all drunk. (Fi & Sharon worst!) We lost Lucy & Sharon after cos Fi & I went to Yanks for hot dog & milkshake & they’d gone when we got back. Fi & I drove round. [I’d normally have omitted this to respect Fiona’s privacy (because we all know drink-driving is, apart from illegal, an extremely dangerous & foolish activity) but I was stunned when she insisted I publish it. It demonstrates she’s completely prepared to admit to and accept responsibility for her actions: one of the primary reasons I began this project for myself – to be responsible for all I have thought, said and done…”right” or “wrong”, “good” or “bad” …irrespective of criticism or judgement. For what it’s worth, I was also guilty of this idiotic practice for a while in the not-too-distant future. Alcohol-induced bravado aside, the problem is we think we are invincible at this age. Or we just don’t think. Drink-driving was really only just starting to become a serious community issue in the late ’80’s: it definitely didn’t seem to bear quite the significance it does today. Suffice to say, we were just plain “lucky”.] We found them – fi dropped us home (Lucy’s) WE BOMBED!! A Life in WordsWoke early (haven’t been able to sleep in at all so far) we decided (Sharon, Fi & I) to go to Palm Cove. Sharon & I walked to her place – her mum took us & Fi drove there about 12:30. Beautiful weather, Didn’t really sunbake- walked, swam & socialized! A Life in Words[…and took heaps of photos] Home around 3:30-4:00. Wanted to go to movies tonite. so rang Jo, but she was really depressed about Victor. SO I talked to her. And watched the sick movie tonite. It’s 10:15 now. I’m dead! →can’t wait for Wednesday nite

Tuesday 29/9/87

Everyone else is so busy! I went around Earlville & town with mum & Julia today after ringing nearly everyone: Fi with Jason, Mima with Brent, Joannah with Victor, Sharon at work & Lucy “not home”A Life in Words Julia got Jenny Morris’ tape. I still love T.T.D. (Terence Trent D’arby) even tho it reminds me of Mark’s & my break-up. [Someone actually mentioned to me (at a recent reunion, I think) that they couldn’t stand Terence Trent D’Arby because I’d played his album repeatedly in our CAD art classes. Whoops!] We visited Leonie in hospital. Genelle & Amanda weren’t there, but Brooke is Gorgeous!! So cute. At home, I unpicked the tulle from my black dress- have to alter it again- my boobs getting bigger, still! [That must’ve been all due to the contraceptive pill, because I remember noticing (& loving) the weight my fresh singledom & heavy partying was shedding from me…] I’m going to shorten it & wear it out tomorrow nite ($nite!!) [Back in the days of lax liquor legislation, ‘Dollar Drinks’ nights were huge crowd pullers. For obvious reasons. It’s now illegal to promote alcohol in any way that even implies the potential to binge-drink, let alone encourages it.] I rang Fi (night with Jason) Jo (nite with V.) Sharon (saving her money for tomorrow nite) Justine (engaged) finally Beka, Jules & I went to see RAISING ARIZONA. A Life in WordsFunny! I cracked up in the cinema -something I’ve never done. [Hmm, must watch that one again to see if I still find it as amusing. There’s nothing like a good laugh, especially if it’s out loud in a public place.] Caught up on news (updated her) with Beka. She’s got a guy too. [Feeling lonely, much?] God, tomorrow nite’d better be good! Philip’s gonna be there – Jo told me! Yay! (She also told me Deena B likes him. Uhoh) 10:30. Sleep 4 2morrow!

Wednesday 30/9/87

I just can’t seem to sleep in & I so badly need the sleep. Today I went, around 11:30, into town with Fi – We didn’t do too much constructive; we were so tired: saw Glyn, Cameron & Deanne. I copped shit from Glyn about Friday night (-SO bad!) [I’m assuming this was just referring to my being drunk, but god knows what I said. I’m clearly quite an ‘open book’ without alcohol in my system… I can only imagine what came out of my mouth while I was under the influence.] Home around 3:00 I bludged, lazed. Phoned Fi, Jo. Eventually. I got ready, Sharon came & we went to Fi’s. To Jo’s (I asked Fi, [privacy omission] if I should apologize to Angie if she was there – they all said no. [Privacy omission] said she did get with him that night. So I started to feel depressed & sick) [A typical stress reaction…] Sharon & Jo got in, Fi & I waited with Jas. & Brendan We all got in. They said there’d be a raid […meaning police raid] There wasn’t. [It sounds so sinister, and as a law-breaking, underaged patron it certainly felt like it to me but in reality it was most likely just a routine ‘patrol’. A Life in WordsI do recall one or two people I knew getting turfed out on occaision, but I’m fairly sure that’s as far as it ever went (no formal penalties, that is). These days there’d be seriously large fines involved for everyone: the ‘minor’, the staff and the business proprietors/company.] Basically, I had a good night. Tricia was there. With Astia. Mark & Keith (Keith talked to me) Apparently they were at Green Island today with the Year 11 girls (Nicole) I didn’t say one word to mark – neither did I even look at him (deliberately) He left early. I was certain I told everyone I saw, he was with Tricia, [although it seems very much like I was deliberately gossip-mongering it wasn’t the case at all: my expectation, my belief that they’d get together was so intense, I created a ‘reality’ from it] but Jason & Sharon both told me at the end, that Tricia was nowhere around him, when it was supposed to have →

A Life in WordsThursday 1/10/87

←happened. Amazing. I’ll bet something did tho. It had to. […them Trust issues!] I talked to Astia briefly about it (I was drunk, so was she) & also, at one stage, Sandra (W) & I had a long talk outside (I told her about the weird dream I had about him Wed. Morning. Great talking to her). [Oh dear yes, you see? Alcohol + Elissa = Blabbermouth] Basically, what happened was, I barely saw him (left early I think) I danced, and drank (talked to Martin G.) all nite. FUN! I was so blotto [slang for “blind rotten drunk”] when I got home: David actually said goodbye to me. WOW. [Um, yeah ….WOW?] Sharon was there. Woke early for her [Sharon, I assume – perhaps she had to go to work?] this morning gave mum her $50 + cards. Boring day at home – a total waste – but you need a good “waste” now & then, huh? [Yes, you do. I’ve deduced over many years that ‘Wastage’ (in all its  forms) is a huge issue for me – underlying many of my actions and idiosyncrasies – so this wee rumination from my past self is uncannily relevent, even now.] The more I think about it, the more inevitable it looks that Mark won’t get in contact with me, at all. It’s so sad. But I’m not feeling sick with depression at the moment. [That’s called “getting over it”] Went out late nite Earlville mum spent some (most) of her money. I saw Steven & Glyn, Sandra W (couldn’t stop to talk) Philip N & Colleen A Life in Words(She said at green Island she, Nicole got a surfski, tipped & Mark & Keith swam out & “saved” them) [I can just feel the sarcasm (weakly disguising my pain) in these words] Also, Mark & Keith were home (or??) before 12:00, they left. Screw Trish maybe? […oh and most definitely here!]

Friday 2/10/87

I went to Fitzroy, tired as I was, and it was GREAT! I had an unreal time (esp. perving on David.) Didn’t get burnt, but look browner now! Swam, walked, talked. It was totally unreal; best day I’ve had, I think. Remembered Monique; the last time I’d been to Fitzroy was a year ago – october holidays with her, Sharon, Lucy, Beka and Fiona. Was very self-conscious about my leg, for the first time. [Maybe because this was the first time your ‘deformity’ was exposed to a crush who had no involvement or direct connection to the ordeal (unlike your recent ex) and was therefore – according to your perception – in a greater position to judge and reject you? Another perfect example of an over-active Mind delivering Stress…] Anyway, they didn’t stay over at Fitzroy cos’ the weather didn’t look too promising; were going to have a BBQ, and I badly wanted to go to that, but remembered I’d promised to go out with Sharon. Fi rang later & said it wasn’t on anyway. Sharon & I went to town- tequila in the Hideaway (yukky) A Life in Words[yukky meaning I wasn’t comfortable there: it was a dark, dingy pub that I actually think was called the Hides Hotel. Did I get the name wrong or did it undergo a name change at some stage …anyone?] saw Glyn B & Cameron & Glyn W. in mall. Rang Jo (wasn’t going to come) couldn’t get a taxi so [Sharon] tricked me into hitching a ride there (saying she knew the guys) [Hitchhiking was something my parents educated me very well against. Even now it’s not something I would do, and I was more adamantly against it back then so Sharon would have to have lied to get me to do it…] Got in. Saw Michelle danced. Drank. Danced. Upstairs for $ drink, saw Liam, David, Wade.. we talked to them.. .I met Stuart P & (formally) Vlaco. Danced, hung around Glyn B, (lost Sharon) found her with David (she’d previously been with Wade) then lost her. Stuart & I talked; he made me buy a→

Saturday 3/10/87

→cocktail “EXPLOSION”. […and oh how this particular beverage led to some interesting experiences. A combination of numerous neat spirits (no mixers at all) set alight, you had to suck it up through a straw…quickly.] We kissed. I GOT WITH HIM! He kisses so tenderly (he knows Mark) But he said “I’m so confused: I don’t want to hurt you- I like Glyn too.” But I could tell, he only really liked Glyn (more) [well, it’s good to know my ‘radar’ was working on some level…] I was totally understanding & I think that impressed him. [Ha! Cute.] He said I was special & he’d never forget me & wants to be good friends. [Aren’t drunkenness & immaturity an entertaining combination?!] Well, they say love grows from friendship, right?) A Life in WordsI left him with Glyn & hung around Dean (told him the guys I like -god, I’m a fool!) [Drunkie-Blabbermouth strikes again] Went outside- I was really drunk & falling asleep! Sat down on grass, going in, I (vomitted) shh! Embarrassing (as good as when I smashed the glass on the bar in IMAGES [the upstairs bar at the House on the Hill nightclub.] SKINT!) [Yes, always a ‘proud’ moment breaking, dropping or spilling your drink in an establishment while intoxicated.] Finally Sharon came back -David all over her. We got a taxi home with Dean, David & Wade. Woken at 8:30 – late for work! Worked till 2:00, at home, rang Fi then went up to tell her & Jason all about the nite (Dav. & Sharon esp.) They laughed: David took Sharon for a ride, badly! She thinks he loves her & she loves him. Home: Sharon rang – I went to her place, we waited till 8:20 for Fiona .. not going to Kentucky [that’s KFC] tea anymore. At bottle shop, got heaps of liquor (sharon & I : tequila+)orange juice also for me. at the party (up the street abit) drank a bit. I knew I’d be sick drinking, let alone on an empty stomach [Textbook Teenaged Drinking: you know the dangers but you charge on regardless…] – was O.K. till Megan & I (V. – David’s sister) went to party …danced alot. She’s so nice

Sunday 4/10/87

→saw Mark, but walked away. Was sick [literally vomited] after dancing a while .. felt much better after […as you do…]. Stuart P. was there; didn’t see him much. Phillip wasn’t there (N. was) Met Jo, (& Gordon McK -remember him?) [Ahhh…nope.] Was rather boring.. Mark was standing round. Keith the bastard came up & reckons “so, have you come to terms with it yet? That you’re not going out?” That made me quite a bit depressed. Geoffry M (cutie) was being really nice. Cameron was drunk – didn’t talk to him. Jo, Vlaco & I standing, when Jo went after Victor. Vlaco & I went up to the cars, sat with Fiona (gone!!) [by that, I am thinking ‘blotto’…] & the rest. Chris (David’s brother) was (so cute) getting really close, but, like, he’s only 15 (if he was older.. yum!) [I wouldn’t think twice about a buy being two years younger than me now… but there’s a BIG difference between males and females in the teen years…] Finally we drove to 24HR, then dropped Chris & Liam off. (Chris said goodbye a few times) I bombed at home & woke this morning depressed at what Keith said. Jo rang early (she was depressed- Vic. & her broke off – I knew it wouldn’t last) so I went to her place. We talked a lot .. finally around 2:30, went to the boutique (Palm Cove) walked to jetty – Deena & Adrienne we talked to (Deena really likes Philip – doesn’t look too rosy for me) A Life in Wordsand ate ice-cream with (!!) then Jo & I went to Ramada & had 2 cocktails (for $4!) Mark B was working – gave us 1 for free, and the other ½ price. YUMMY! Home late. had to ring to talk to Sharon. David still lying (or is he?) & Sharon’s in too deep. I’m not worried about seeing Mark tomorrow. I don’t care. My sights are set on Phillip; I do have a chance, I’m sure cos he liked me a lot last year (P.H. said he doesn’t often like girls so much) [Ok, that was not well worded. What I should have said was that Phil, as a confirmed heterosexual male, had ‘refined tastes’ with regard to girls – maybe the most suitable word is ‘choosey’? Or, he simply didn’t chase a lot of skirt, wasn’t a ‘womaniser’. Oh dear, I hope I have redeemed myself…]

Window Painting, Bike Theft & the Death of Green Island (6-12 October)

Monday 6/10/86

Am so tired. Boring first day. Heard from Judy how mark was with numerous girls over the holidays. I hope someone he loves hurts him really badly one day – he’ll deserve it all. I’d laugh in his face. [Nice little vindictive streak evident there!] Anyway, Mr Grossetti did say something about my english; I didn’t get that double assignment done either – My report for english was terrible. In art, we found out Monique, Sandie, Donna & I were doing Singapore Charlie [a local retail store full of cheap imported Asian goods]. A Life in WordsWhen we walked uptown to see the manageress what she wanted had nothing to do with Fun in the Sun. . . she’s after cheap window advertising. Boring for us. And not worth it in pay, either under $10 each. Is 10:50 Riding 2morrow. So tired. Was hot today. Bore! Ate so much. I have a real appetite problem [I’d love to know from where my food obsessions stem…]

Tuesday 7/10/86

I liked today. Kind of. I get the feeling – it appears to me that Mark… well, he’s spending much less time with Nicole – only saying bye in the arvies And that’s it. And, well, he’s in my view a lot, too. No he’s just being a friend elissa. HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU ACCEPT IT. [Classic example of right-brain/left-brain ‘conversation’? Or the Good & Bad Consciences, sitting on each shoulder?!]. Well, I spent 1st period biology downstairs studying cos Mr Short wanted to go over the test with the rest of the class & I found out (when Donna finally came to get me) that they’d done other work and Mr Short had forgotten me. Ha! Then I pigged out little lunch [‘little lunch’ equates to a morning tea recess for those who have never heard of the term before. I’m not sure if it was an ‘era’ thing, or an Aussie thing, but at school we had two breaks and they were known as Little Lunch and Big Lunch… probably carried over from primary school!] – bought 3 vegemite vita-wheats – gave 2 away, so I had 1 v.v.w. + chick. sandw. + coconut (what others didn’t eat) + some choccy from Sandy. Double maths boring – Cameron we found out, broke up with Carrie last Wednesday. Think he’s pretty upset. Was terrible. Had my bio test big lunch: easy. Rest of big lunch mucked around. Went to city library with mim & fi after school. Stayed for ages. After some food, we rode home (I was about ½hr late) Did no HW again. [Uh, what the hell did you do at the library then? Perhaps just browsed through the teen fiction?] SHIT bad habits. Is 8:45.

A life in Words
Vegemite Vitawheats: an Australian institution!

Wednesday 8/10/86

It’s getting harder & harder for me to believe that Mark doesn’t like me. Today we talked. In town, painting our windows (really boring & stupid) he walked past a lot and once asked Monique where Ms Marsland was. She didn’t know so asked me. [That could have been a deliberate move by my ‘bestie’…] I said up at the Booking Office. D’you know where that is? (No) well, just past swagman’s cafe. And he didn’t smile once, but at school, I was waiting for Fi & mim to come out, I went and unlocked Fi’s bike simultaneously as he went to his bike (very close parked to ours) said, “Stealing bikes again?” I said (surprised) “Yep that’s me.” Then I asked him about his window & he asked me about ours!! WOW!! [Wow? Really? Amazeballs, he MUST like you. *rolls eyes*] Then he said goodbye to Nicole & him & Cameron left when Fi & mim were unlocking their bikes [I’m confused; I thought you just said you unlocked Fi’s?], but we passed them at service stn, pumping up their tyres. And these gorgeous Trinity Bay guys rode past. Yum! Jealous of all other windows – rebecca G & everyone else did beautiful coloured windows & we were stuck with plain, cheap advertising & cranky shop assistants. real bitchy. Speech this arvy – alright. 10:10

Thursday 9/10/86

* [←this asterisk was actually a five-pointed star in my diary. Unforunately this was the most similar symbol I could find] I am having an extremely difficult time trying to convince myself that he doesn’t like me…extremely difficult. This morning nothing happened  cos everyone was doing Rockmans & we (Donna, Sandie, Monique & me) were doing Cairns Booking Office (& it was revolting. Right from when Donna, Sandie & Moni started it I thought yuk. And it just got worse. [I am such a perfectionist. And hyper-critical!] And also when we were walking to get lunch, we saw the Singapore Charlie ladies wiping off our sign!!! Sandie couldn’t stop laughing and the girl said “Yeah, very Funny isn’t it?” Ms Marsland also cracked at them; didn’t give back the $50. Good on her!! [Good on her, alright. Just desserts for exploitation. You get what you pay for, tight-arses!] Anyway, after lunch people kinda lost interest in their paintings. Mark was talking to me (he wanted to paint a mohawk on my girl & I wouldn’t let him) all arvy!! A Life in Words(well y’know) & then walking back to school he & Trish had a paint fight – a bottle of red-brown paint. He got Ange, Moni, Sandie (Trish) Asti & me last (in the school grounds) skint – cleaner caught him made him clean up. But my new green polo shirt was wrecked. got sopping wet trying to clean up. [Hullo, wet T-shirt entrant!] all over my face & hair too. – is 10:35.

Friday 10/10/86

He (& Keith) weren’t here today. I didn’t really miss him, but, of course, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He mustn’t like me [oh here we go again; another backflip?] – I’m sure he was shitty about the paint – he thought it was my fault cos I didn’t let him paint the hair on my girl [Are you serious? Trying to guess someone else’s thoughts and feelings – making assumptions – is one of the most ‘harmful’ things you can do to YOURSELF. All that Worry for potentially nothing. Oh I wish I knew then what I know now.]  – but I’m glad I didn’t – gotta show him I won’t let him do everything. [LOL, yes, you sure showed him. You certainly are no ‘push-over’! Pffffft.] Mr G. wasn’t here so I can hand my 5 english in tomorr monday. Next Fri is final due date. Means I have to do another assignment as well. SHIT. and my six seashells [art assignment] is due Fri and maths, chem & bio, I don’t know what I’m doing – where I’m at! Going to Green Island on Sunday with Sharon. Don’t think Fi wants to. Mima’s going & there’ll be all the others who are staying over saturday night. Ragey!!! I hope there’ll be heapsa spunks. Must forget the dick. Stupidly I told Sharon I still like him on the phone this arvy. What have I done? is 9:35

Saturday 11/10/86

I found chemistry too hard, so moved on to biology – I found that too hard, so, deciding to leave my maths til last, finished my 5th english assignment (Not too bad) Went to Drive In tonight – just me & mum & Geoff. Saw Croc Dundee yet again + some movie called Better off Dead – came late – but still was funny what I saw! A Life in WordsWish I coulda got more work done today. Going to Green tomorrow – won’t have any time for more HW. [Cos entertainment is way more important than an ever-increasing mountain of schoolwork] So much Is due this week. Mucked round with make-up (what’s new) and ate heaps of chocolate biscuits that mum bought. Julia went to work. Am tired; is 11:20. Is rather hot, too – wasn’t at Drive In was windy [some much needed punctuation missing here] on Green Island will go spunk hunting – forget Mark W. Why I bother. . . Got heapsa schoolwork to do. Night Night!!

Sunday 12/10/86

I must admit I thought (hoped) I might see Mark there but no! It was alright – I wouldn’t have missed anything had I not gone. In fact it would’ve been more beneficial to me to stay home – I have heaps of homework, still. [Uh-huh] But it was good. Met Sharon’s friend (the one, the only…) Karen N. She’s really nice Saw Linda, AnneMarie, Alison, Leanne, Judy, Clare, Kai & his friends Dim etc. Got burnt only on face, really ..not bad either. But am browner (I think) Is about 8:50. Want an early night. I keep Thinking I can’t wait for angela’s party – but why? Nothing will happen: that’s for sure. (?) Yes! For SURE. School. Omigod! My work … I’m in  trouble in every subject – hell! I’ve gotta pull myself together. SHIT. What’my gonna do? Work harder. Am too tired (& a bit exhausted) to think what to write. Green Island is revolting; it’s dead: Hate it FITZROY RULES!! [I actually believe Tourism has ‘killed’ Green Island – though admittedly it has been well over a decade since I have been there. It boasted the world’s first public Underwater Observatory (opened in 1954) and I remember being truly amazed by the experience when I first visited it as a child in the mid 70’s. But over successive years, there seemed to be less & less (marine flora & fauna) to view from its windows – and even for ever-increasing areas around it, the jetty and even the island, in general. It hasn’t surprised me to discover that the observatory was shut down in 2012 – the reason/s of which I’m honestly not aware. My (albeit uneducated) line of thought is: as if tourist boat fuels were NOT going to make an impact on the ecosystem….]

Grease Auditions & A Miniature Rose (5-11 May)

Monday 5/5/86 

9:25. Gotta get some sleep tonight. Have had late nights very night this weekend. Green Island was not really fantastic. The only ones who turned up were me, Sharon, Fi, Joannah, Michelle W & a girl from CHS – Tracy. Was quite boing. Perfect weather except a bit choppy which meant the water was “cool” Justine was there – doing scuba diving lessons. We talked a fair while with her (Fi & me) We swam, sunbaked, walked, ate and jumped off the jetty (it’s illegal now, though) Pity. It’s unreal fun. I’m so tired. Wonder if we’re riding tomorrow. I forgot to ring up mima about it. Sharon told me last night that [I’m omitting the name here for privacy reasons] ‘s not a virgin – I don’t know whether to believe her or not. It’s “strange” to think about.

Tuesday 6/5/86

Steven talks to us (Fi, Sharon & me) quite a lot (He did today at Big lunch) I wish Mark would come over. He must be either shy or hate our guts. I don’t think, somehow, that it would be the latter. I hope not, anyway. I ate a fair bit this arvy and did little HW. A Life in WordsRang fi & mima – said they weren’t going to ride but they weren’t on the bus. (Jemima rang fi later & said she would miss the bus cos’ she wouldn’t be ready in time, so they rode: left at 8:15.) I spent before school in the library with Sharon. Is 9:35. Wanna sleep & dream. I dreamt last night that I had a party & every (even people I didn’t know) turned up except Mark – I was “waiting” for him. Windy cool. Sharon gave me a miniature rose this morning. I kept it all day till it started to die so I gave it to Ngaire R. [Er, that’s not very appropriate, Liss]

Wednesday 7/5/86

I auditioned [for the school musical, which was to be ‘Grease’]!! At speech, mima’s worries got me excited & I decided I had to go, at least to give her moral support, if not to try out. After much ‘inner-brain argument” [Oh, THAT stuff. That happens all the time in my head], I had to go. And fared better than some others, if I say so myself. [This is strange – I don’t recall doing very well at all. In fact I thought my atrocious singing had knocked me out of contention pretty much immediately] Boring school day otherwise (cos’ I hate Wednesdays – everyone (mostly Mark) leaves the school grounds.) I wonder what activity he does? Am hot. Is 10:26. Last night I had a dream that Alan (guy at school) was going with me to a party, but Fi took him away – coincidence: today mima was showing him to her. Also I dreamt Fi took off on her bike & left me. Mim & her almost were going to grab a bike and go to Kentucky fried in town (probably leaving me) Hot. am I now It isn’t usually [hot] in the day[time].

Thursday 8/5/86

Back Seat again! This time, the bus was more full. Didn’t bleed much today. […in case you were wondering…!] If it’s the same tomorrow (hopefully – please!) I can go swimming at the Cascades on our Bio excursion. Had more auditions at lunchtime today. Mima & lotsa others were sent out. I got to read Marty again, but I don’t think I was too good. I wish….!! Cheery kind of day – felt happy cos everyone especially Joannah & Tricia & Angie are being so nice to me. young onesDrool over Mark like I do every day. I’m coming to terms with the fact that he’s out of my reach. Totally. And I think he likes Angela J, anyway. 9:50. Young Ones & the D Generation were’t so funny today. Intereference in Young Ones→ station troubles. [I think Cairns still had only two TV channels back then: the ABC and whichever commercial station the local provider FNQ10 was aligned with at the time. So we always had ‘Aunty’] Am tired. So there! So much HW didn’t get ½ done!!

Friday 9/5/86

My neck’s out. – has been all day. At first I thought it was just sore muscles all across my upper back & shoulders, but after a hot shower there was no difference. It’s still sore now. The excursion was pretty good! Mark didn’t talk to me at all, though Dwain – his partner, did. He took temp. measure for me, tho (didn’t talk, tho) and, there was one time when (for a while) he had his mirror sunglasses on, sitting on ‘high’ rocks. My idea being that he was looking at me (his head was turned my way but he must have figured that, being mirror glasses, no one could see exactly who he was looking at) ME? I hope! Told I was invited to Terry’s party. Would like to go cos Mark’ll be there, but hardly anyone’s going (girls, that is) Is 11:10 work 2morrow. Lotsa HW this weekend. Work tomorrow→ apparently Julia & I will hafta go to town & buy mum a mum’s day prezzy.

Saturday 10/5/86

‘So near and yet so far’. That’s what they say, isn’t it? There are all the (well, most, or… at least some of) signs that he likes me. He sat near me, looked at me (I sprung him sometimes (?)) and even came up to talk to me, but ___ Angela J had to come sooner or later. And it was always sooner. Soon “everyone” would be there & Angie (drunk) kissing Mark. I left & he even said ‘you can come back now’ (he wanted me to) But I (stupid, dumb, shy bitch) said no – so he went into the campavan with Angie & I didn’t see him again. [I had written about the party in another notebook in much more detail: describing how at one stage he was sitting quite close to me when Angie “came up and sat, spread-eagled, on his lap…kissing him, full-on, in front of me” which sent me packing but at a later point, he approached me as I stood solo leaning against a car. In no time however, a couple of other guys rocked up (one with a knife in his possession, which scared me) as well as Angie “kissing full-on, in front of me, again”. So I again made an escape – to a darker, more out-of-the-way place but he found me and told me (with regard to the knife-wielder) it was safe, I “could come back now”. But “thinking of Angie & him…wanting to save myself the discomfort…and hoping he’d stay with me” I declined and sat alone in the dark for awhile.] I should have talked to him more & perhaps suggested we go for a walk. Sure he likes me. WHY can’t I react?? I earned $19 at work, cos went shopping with Jenny beforehand (saw MW) & got M’s Day Prezzy – flannel sheets. Is 12:13. Am so depressed & hating myself (& Angie J) more & more.

[And in the ‘Notes’ section, just underneath my lamentation on 3 May, “longing” for a party, I’d answered myself with this:]

Hey yes Terry C did (10th) and the results? well go back to the 10th & find out (This silly little diary! I must get a bigger one next year – so I can write more about how I feel etc)

Sunday 11/5/86

Expected minimum tonight will be 19ºC!! Hooray!! Today, I spent all day on my art picture. So that means I haven’t done my english assignment or my Biology HW (& some maths) Too bad!! Sharon rang in the morning. We talked. (her problem with Terry & mine with Mark) She thinks he might have been trying to make me jealous. & that’s what I thought. [Ah…. no.] Hoped. I’ll just convince myself that he doesn’t like me – to be on the safe side (instead of getting my hopes up) & try and become good friends with him. brekkyTry is the key word. I woke at 6:30. So I got about 5hrs sleep last night. And it’s 10 past 11 now; Another late nite!! SHIT! Didn’t make mum brekky this morning. Felt terrible. [Mum was always an early riser, so it was often difficult to get her breakfast in bed anyway. Not that I am making an excuse!] In fact did next to NOTHING. All these people who rang up & said they’d made their mums brekky in bed (including Anthony W [my stepbrother-to-be]: yes!) made me feel terrible cos I didn’t. R.S. [Ratshit] Day!!

Popped Collars, Lemon Juice & Sarah Jessica Parker (17-23 February)

Monday 17/2/86

I Heard a lot about Anne-Marie’s party today. It sounded rough (or WILD) Steven B & Mark W are disgusting. They were blind, apparently. [Another display of Innocence] Pity. I liked them both. [At this point I have omitted a statement about others, which is not my place to make public.] Like Neville!! It’s 9:12. Don’t want a late night (Dave Allen is on now – finishing soon) Went to town this afternoon (Rang mum) Was good – Ate a fair bit. Looked in some clothes shops and got a passport application form for mima (she is (if 14 other people do) going to Japan in September) Am a little disappointed now. About the guys at CHS, I mean. Would there be any “nice” ones?? [So I have always had ‘high standards’. But fear not, I am human and definitely ‘slipped-up’ in succeeding years! But that’s Life isn’t it? One big Learning Curve, littered with Ups and Downs…] Oooohh. Poop. I wanna sleep late. Riding tomorrow for carnival. Leaving later at 8:00 so can sleep till 7:00-7:15. Great!!! Did no HW!

Tuesday 18/2/86

SWIMMING CARNIVAL was fun. Nothing special – just fun. Had 1 compliment (from a girl, though) about my figure. [Er, I clearly didn’t know then that compliments from girls are generally more ‘valid’ (sincere) than from guys. Or was it actually different in the 80’s?] A Life in WordsSo many little things happened; I can’t remember them or fit them all in. We rode – was good. Rode home to mima’s and watched the video “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” [Now THAT’s how I think of Sarah Jessica Parker] Is unreal! Novelties were fun at the carnival (we won (Bruce) the 16yrs raft race, but got 3rd for the pyjama race – Tully cheated) Tully won overall, then Collins and Bruce and O’Keefe last. Funny really!! Got burnt Wore glasses and red’n’white shirt with collar up. [Think ‘popped’ collar – it was actually cool in the 80’s – that’s why it’s not cool now!] Groovy! But still got extra burnt. Gonna fail maths test tomorrow. Did only Bio tonight (but also wrote out some all Maths rules.) will learn & try examples tomorrow. Have only Bio, art & maths tomorrow anyway. Is 8:35. Wasn’t humid. Hot – not too humid.

Wednesday 19/2/86

Happy (-ish) day today. Lunch was a good one again (talking to the (with the) guys again – but outside the room) I love when we do that. Didn’t go to the dance. Jemima was grounded. Her mum found out that she had planned to go to Mark’s  party on Sat. Grounded for only Wed. night. Problem was; Brent’s going away  for Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. She had invited him to it. She wanted Fi & I to go, but stupid me didn’t want to, so Fi thought I hated her. Talked about it all after speech* and later on the phone with Fi. We (after my soppy crying) [I’m very non-confrontational, so found it hard to control my emotions when I had to face off with people. I’m quite sure I’m not the super-sensitive cry-baby anymore but I haven’t really been tested for quite some time.] told each other all the things we’d hidden over the past 3 years – my jealousies etc. Her thoughts & feeling too. Actually, am glad to get it all out once and for all. [No wonder I’ve always believed “better out than in”] Maths test was ……!! (Is 8:50) *First day of speech for 1986. Mim & I 2gether. Wed’s 5-5:45. Was good. Decided which exams we’re working for. etc!!!!!! Got 9½hrs sleep last night!!

Thursday 20/2/86

I think I am deeply infatuated with Steven B. Actually, I don’t know why I said that. It’s a funny kind of attraction – there’s nothing super about him (awful teeth) but he’s a spunk… He’s also a bastard, too. [Well, that’s what I ‘deduced’ from gossip & rumours] What a pity. Today, Astia, Sandra & I almost wagged religion but Ms Marsland caught us. We only had 20 mins of it, but the bad bit was coming in [late] SHame! Boring lunch hour today (probably cos’ Brent’s gone …Mima’s going with [dating, not going away with] him, now!) Hard riding today Lotsa head-wind. On way home, was abit easier – beat CHS bus home – not Smith. tho’. Lotta HW. Got all done tho. Late nite, too. (it’s 9:46 now) Most people said Dance was good – “great”. [There’s a good chance I’d’ve felt a wee jealous – or more rueful that I’d not gone.] There was even a bomb scare, too!! I’m in a ‘funny’ mood cranky, happy, tired all at once (lotsa other things, too) Art Excursion 2morrow… goody!! Mima going with Brent as of last night. [“Going with” was the term back then for ‘dating’.]

Friday 21/2/86

Not a good day. Not too bad, but not good. Excursion was fun (went to 3 art displays – had lunches in Mellick Centre and junk from Great Aust. Ice Creamery YUM YUM! Got back to school 5 mins before end of period 6. Had been gone since 11:15 (little lunch)) [What kid doesn’t love a reason to miss lessons?] BAD NEWS was my haircut. A bit too short. Got upset about it after, but am a little more composed now. I know exactly what I want now. Long. Fringe & everything the same (long-ish) length. Also burnt my fingers from kettle steam and felt generally sad in arvy [oh them raging’ teen hormones!] – also did no HW. GOOD NEWS. Mima rang – we’re going on their yacht to Green Island on Sunday. Can’t wait!! (It’s 10:55) Today thought a motion mima made might’ve meant Steven likes me – just my imagination. A Life in Words

Saturday 22/2/86

After that late night, I still managed 8-8½hrs sleep! I did all my set HW today, now and then. Otherwise, I was listening to the radio, snoozing, reading the novel “To Kill A Mockingbird”, trying out hairstyles, eating or drawing. I actually like my hair now. I suppose it’s very rare for anyone to be happy with a cut from the beginning. [Or just me…] I sunbaked (got a burnt tummy) and also tried to bleach my hair (while baking I put fresh lemon juice through the dark bits.) [The old lemon juice in the hair trick. I don’t know how well it worked, but it was something I’ve employed a number of times throughout my life.] Mrs B came round too, to talk with mum. I’m staying at mime’s tonight – there’s a video night (it’s 6:33pm) and it’ll end late so I may as well stay over (cos also hafta leave for Green Is at 7am anyway) Will be a late nite! Haven’t had tea yet!! Nana came over today. WHOOP! Nah! [It’s a tad painful seeing these kinds of comments about my grandmother. Granted, she and I never really saw eye to eye, but had I known she had only about 18 months left to live, perhaps I mightn’t’ve taken her visits for granted? Cest la vie, I guess.] Leaving for mima’s soon!  A Life in Words

Sunday 23/2/86

A Life in Words
Leaving Green Island (in the background) I sure love that Reef Oil Tanning Lotion bottle, don’t I?

I am “burned” thoroughly. [Oh, good. And apparently all the damage is done in these ‘formative years’…] And tired. Movies were slack so watched “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” twice and otherwise mucked around. Got 5 hours sleep. Woke 6:00. Was soo tired. (Still am!!) Was TERRIFIC today!! Getting over there was slow – there was no wind. Used the outboard mostly. But once there, it was terrific!! Fantastic!! [I have always loved the ocean – at least, the calm waters of the Coral Sea.] We got there 11:30 (Left wharf at 8:00!!) Swam to shore, got an ice block, and spent about 1½ hours jumping off (& tanning or burning) on the jetty. Saw Fishers with Skinners, too skint!! And Donna B & Suzelle R Went back to yacht at 1:30. Had lunch and went home about 2:00. Got home 5:30 (Home home at 6:15) Saw lotsa dolphins jellyfish, crabs & manta-rays and a baby shark!! Am burnt pretty “good“! All over – but not sore Looks good!! [See… how do Skin Cancer campaigners compete with Vanity?] Is 8:43 Nite!

Nasality, Quadraplegia & Hiding from Cars (9-15 December)

Monday 9/12/85

Earned a further $25 today. Still want more. [Aha, first hint of an earning addiction. Working to earn, to accrue – whether to spend or save – can become a compulsion. While the discipline is admirable, on the whole it’s not great for your mental/emotional health.] Have to work to earn money for Wednesday, too; Beka, Justine, Lucy, me & Sharon D are gonna go to the movies & mum said I have to use my own money, so.. IS BOILING HOT!! Guess what we’re gonna see?!!! For my 3RD TIME – Back to the Future!! OMIGOD I don’t believe this heat! Mum bought some more new Xmas decorations. Adam G & Steven S rode by. (See, Friday arvy, when Beek & I were getting ready for the party, Adam talked to us – Beka reckons he was chatting us up. Anyway I think she might be right cos’ he & Steven were ‘hanging’ round this arvy.) Anyway, am having a (pretty) early night for once (is 9:45 now) So goodnight!!!

Tuesday 10/12/85

A Life in Words
One of the most iconic Australian women’s clothing brands of the 80s

I am afraid – afraid to speak, that is. Everyone at work tells me how nasally I am getting. [Unfortunately little has changed, although I am surprised how few people have mentioned it in these later years of my life. “You have a distinctive voice” was the most recent – and very tactful – description of my voice.] I really want to have my adneoids out. I feel it would help a lot in preventing my allergies (getting totally rid of them) & much of my mucus problem, blood noses & of course (& most importantly) my nasality (& sinus). [Dr Elissa] Today I went to work again (for the money, and the sake). Earned $24. My total is now $132. Went to Kmart this arvy – forgot to take my money. DUMB, huh?!! (No comments, please!) New part looks good – there’s Cherry Lane & some other jewellery shops & ‘sunnies’ shops. Dear me, thinking about it, I think I do go to work not only for the money, but for something to do during the day. (Mum’s usually not home…) [My sister was in Grade 8 and they didn’t finish up for the year until a fortnight after us Year 10’s. And with Mum needing to work obviously I would have been very much alone at home. Everyone needs ‘Purpose’.] Dad’s running out of cash. I’m not allowed in there for some time. Oh dear!!.. Movies (again) tomorrow

Wednesday 11/12/85

Was ready to go to town early, so went to Lucy’s. A Life in WordsGot mum a purse & dad’s running shorts. The movie was good (I’ve seen it 3 times, now) Beka loved it and the supporting film. Warren D & Wayne C saw us at interval. Came & sat near – BLECH! Caught 4:00 Bus to Lucy’s (Sharon D went home) Played board games (Anna & Colleen dropped in.) Beka & I are staying the night. Mucked around – went for a walk around the streets & I (of course, with my Luck it was me) got ‘sprung’. See, we played that we hid from cars when they came. I hid behind a car & Luc & Beek jumped into a bush. Stupid guy fairly blew me up. Fuckwit. Latenite. Read books

Thursday 12/12/85

Woke what musta been quite late, cos Beka got in BIG trouble with her mum. Apparently Mrs H came around to pick her up from work; knocked on the door & no one answered, so she went home & rang up later. For me & Luc, it was a very lazy day. We just read books. Ate very little untilA Life in Words [at this ‘juncture’ a long arrow wound through and around my text, pointing finally to the ‘Cake Day’ sticker, next to which I wrote “Well, I mean I ate a LOT of cake, today!!”] (I got home) Watched a bit of TV & I went home at 5:00 Nana was here. Anyway, is almost 11:30, now. I finished my book about 20 mins ago. Gotta give it back to Lucy before she goes (she’s going on Monday) AM SOOO TIRED. I also have an ‘infected’ eye. Is all puffed up and sore. Mum thinks it’s a bite…

Friday 13/12/85

Lazed round this morning till 11:45 when got ready & went to the Dr.’s! At the clinic I saw J. C-S’s health card & I thought she must have been in there, but up pulled an ambulance & Jodie was in it. Julia said she was on the mini-trampoline in PES – she has a suspected fractured neck. There goes her sporty achievements. He (the dr) didn’t move her out of the vehicle for if he had examined her, & touched/moved the wrong things she could become quadriplegic. My swollen eye was just another side effect of my allergies. Dr H said I must continually use my Beconase – not just for the allergy attacks. It’s like “taking the pill once you’re pregnant.” So I’m on a trial run for 3 weeks. If there is no improvement in my sinus, nasality, allergies or mucus congestion then he will refer me to an Ear, Nose & Throat specialistic who might consider removing my adenoids. The Bluelight was boring in action – but the people were “good”. John Cl- & John Co-, & SEAN! He’s still a spunk. Also, after (on the way home) had to squish in Justine’s car with Jason P, Mark, Martin P & another guy. Funnily enough – I felt nothing towards Mark as I had for Sean. ←I was sure he likes me. STILL A SPUNK.

Saturday 14/12/85

I’m boiling.Today I concentrated on (& got) mima’s letter written. Was quite boring….About Green Is, tomorrow, dunno much. I’m taking Beka & Justine in. Dunno anything else. Will have to ring Justine in the morning. Jeezus – IS HOT. Watching Countdown this arvy (& Wham!’s new unreeeal clip) Andrew Ridgeley (with his new short crop cut) reminded me so much of Sean…. I think I’ve taken a liking to him again…… Watched the movie – is now11:00. Nite! A Life in Words

Sunday 15/12/85

PHEWEE!! I’m burnt again! Except a bit more – I didn’t wear a shirt cos’ the only other person to come besides Justine, me, Lucy & Beek, was S. Poor Shane! on his own – but I don’t think he minded that much. Boy is it hot! We got there 11:30. We swam sunbaked for about 1/3hr then got lunch at about 1:30-2:00 Spent the rest of the arvy (till 3:45) in the water. Bet I’ll peel again, too. Went back to Justine’s (instead of home) to have a swim. Lucy & I walked home around 6:45, Got home around 7:10 – dusk. Big dinner (the Bests were here) I am HOT!! & very tired – “exhausted” Pity no one else came. OH well!! Late nite.

Bye Bye Smithfield High (25 November-1 December)

Monday 25/11/85image

Ugh! Maths wasn’t too bad, but I think it’ll be a miracle if I get over 60/70. Damn! It’s more likely I’ll get over 50 – well, what’s wrong with a high achievement?? [High Achievement is not enough for a high achiever, read perfectionist!] But history…. I dunno about that ‘un at all!! A pass, but not a good one, I don’t think. Strelitzias were given out today and in last session, everybody was signing everybodies. I don’t have the magazine, but Ms Hornibrook said if I brought my $5 in early tomorrow I could get one. Cor, it’s hot! Got a parcel from CHS. Got subject selection form, subject guide booklet CHS prospectus & letter. There’s a meeting on the 3rd of December for us [CAD art] kids. I’m definitely gonna go now cos Astia is. Oh, so sad: I don’t want this week to go fast [Last week of school/Year 10 = last week at Smithfield State High School]

Tuesday 26/11/85

I got the very last Strelitza today. Lucky, huh??!! AM BOILING!! MY EXAMS ARE OVER!! FINISHED!! Art was quite simple, BP was a bit harder. I would have passed in both I’m sure. Had to do the piccy for the girl’s uniform for Smithy 1986 Prospectus. Front & back view. Thrilling, huh?? [Well yes, Liss, give yourself some credit.] I will see it, though, cos Julia’ll get one. Lucy came round this arvy. We went to the park & talked. This boy (saints uniform) walked across & to the brick house behind. He must have been watching us, with, gasp, Neville cos’ when Luc & I rode up & round the street, I saw them sitting on the stone wall. We went to the school. Coming home, they WHISTLED SHAME!! Anyway, am boiling hot. And watching ANZACS (only one up) Will finish soon. Am worn out!! HOT

Wednesday 27/11/85

A Life in Words
inside the front cover of my Strelitzia

Watched last part of ANZACS. It was so sad. I don’t think I have ever cried as much as I did in that. [I still tear up quite readily if I think about or witness cruelty or others’ sadness. In fact, I have come to learn that sadness belies pretty much all of my negative moods; it’s pretty much my personal ‘root evil’.] Julia laughed at me, so I tried to laugh instead – but it [my choked laugh, I assume] ended up sounding like a sick dog!!! Today – er – 17/30 for my 3 englishes. 6½, 7 & 3½→ fail!! OH WELL!! 74/100 for Science. OH WELL!! and (YAY!!) 14/15, 8/10 + 11½/15 for German! Also 34½/50 for history – 22 for one assignment, 20½ for the other!!! Still need more people to sign my Strelitzia. Want Tim to, but he won’t: doesn’t know me well enough. OH WELL! Y’know The Saints guy from yesterday – well he walked across park again. But passing our house, he looked in. I looked out & he saw me & smiled. Got a cute smile. Also this morning, some YR9 girls at the busstop were throwing around things off this tree & got me! I said “do you mind?” & Ms Rebecca P mocked me. HOW CHILDISH

A Life in Words
inside the back cover of my Strelitzia

Thursday 28/11/85

Am soo tired. Can’t wait for tomorrow. Gonna be unreeeeal!! Green Is, then Lucy’s party! Can’t wait!! Art 58½/60. (Good fluke) & 53½/70 for maths. Am so relieved. Little happy but mostly relieved cos I got over 50. I wanted to Get between 58-65 but that was an impossible dream. Wore wrong shirt today wasn’t sprung luckily. Wagged bits of lessons. Pretty boring. Ben P actually spoke to me in BP (were (Fiona U, Ian, him & me) all talking about maths) He said “I got 29, Lissa” for mid semester test out of 30. [I considered him one of the popular guys] Coulda got him to sign my Strelitzia but chickened out. Y’know that Saints guy? He smokes→ saw him walking home again this arvy with a fag. Pity he’s quite a good looker. Sat on the stone wall again, I think to watch me cos when I looked after mum had shut the door & pulled down the blind, he was gone. Is 10:45. Am bugared.

Friday 29/11/85

170 people from Smithfield came when we’d only booked for 130. So Mr Van volunteered 10J & a few 10H’s to stay back in town & catch the fast boat at 10:30. We walked around town – Kim, Fran, Astia, Sharon D, Fi & me. Tried to buy Westcoast. [The most popular wine cooler on the market back then] Unsuccessful. Astia’s boyfriend Jamie (over 18) got us some Island Cooler. Yukky & more alcohol compared to Westcoast.. Baked on the boat. Was fun at Green Is. Swam, walked around & jumped (were pushed) off wharf!! Didn’t need to sun bake. Got red. not too burnt, but sore enough!! Didn’t see Tim at all till he left. Oh well. Got back off the fast boat (late one) about 5:15; rushed in town & caught bus home. Ready for Lucy’s; dressed & showered. Didn’t pack much for overnite. Party was [at this point I had to turn the page to continue the story…]A Life in Words

Saturday 30/11/85

unreeal, had over 15 cups of rum & wine punch + 3 or 4 cups of coke (2 of which had whiskey added) Mrs W. & Rod didn’t go out. Ben P & Richard came – I thought they, besides Harry & Jemima, were the life of the party. Wasn’t drunk – just relaxed. There was Ian, Wade, Skinner, Harry, his friend, Ben, Richard, Jay & Wayne & Sharon W, me, Lucy, Fi, Mim, Danäe, Colleen, Anna, Sally, Justine, Deyarne & Michelle H & Jay’s girlfriend Rebecca. I like Richard. Ben is nice but Jemima’s absolutely flipped over him. Sally thinks Richard likes Justine. Hope not. He hates me anyway & I can feel it. [You know what they say: the attributes & attitudes you find attractive & unattractive in others is actually a reflection of yourself? Well that there comment screams of Self Hate.] Got about 5 hrs sleep. Mucked around today at Lucy’s (Danäe went home early) Luc, Beka & Me lazed about until 4:30-5:00 Mum took us home. Slept a bit at home, felt little sick right now. Just VERY tired. Mim’s head over heels with Ben. He likes her, but not as much, mutually. Ian & Wade & Shane were bored I think. Wayne, Sharon, Deyarne & Michelle left early thank god. [Ah, what? Why thanks god I wonder? I don’t recall being averse to any of these people. Maybe too many popular people for me and I felt uncomfortable?] Gotta have more like that. I think even Harry enjoyed it. He was pisst!! Everyone came late around 9:00.

Sunday 1/12/85

Boy, have I had one social life; In the past 3 days + tomorrow!! Woke late this morning & did Xmas cards all day. Have so many! Went to Dianne & Kerry’s. Stayed for tea & watched video “Gremlins” UNREEAL. On the way there, saw Ben & Richard!! Almost flipped!! I dunno if they actually saw me but they watched the car all the way past!! Julia thinks Richard’s nice looking too! me; well, not so much looks, but; I dunno what attracts me!! Anyway, when I rang Fran (at Di & Kerry’s) she’d said they’d been to Erica’s. She’d (Fran) been at mim’s all day cos’ her mum had lunch with Mrs B) so she knew the story between Mim & Ben. She is going to Justine’s party now & Ben & Richard are supposed to, too. I’m worried that, if mima & Ben do hit it off, that Fi will get Richard. NO!! Anyway for the moment I don’t think Ben’s as flipped over mim as she is over him. But never can tell…!!! Is 10:15 now. Busy day tomorrow.