Cardiovascular Conditioning & Sizzling My Scar (27 April-3 May)

Monday 27/4/87A Life in Words

Periods are a pain in the arse. Bella was at school today – for a visit; I didn’t quite know what to say to her ..it was embarrassing. [I’m not exactly sure what I meant by this.. perhaps that, outside of our shared injuries/hospital experience I didn’t really know her, so didn’t know how to comfortably converse with her?] Also Mark gave back  my necklace – has a rash on his neck & it’s irritating (wonder if it caused it ..or if that’s a subtle hint) [paranoia or gut feeling?] HOT (not really just warmer than usual – & sunnier most of the day!) Of all the people I told (about last night’s freaky experience.). they were all “shocked” except Mark- I thought so .. he doesn’t believe in that stuff, I gather. My day O.K. got on O.K. little lunch (end of) + what. I saw of him in big lunch & then in bio, I took his chair away from him & he hit the floor (then me, of course) But got shitty (muck ’round) & wouldn’t talk to me. I got worried of course ..when I rang him tonight, he sounded very bored ..vague disinterested said he hurt his leg again ..nothing to do with me – “don’t be silly” (I’ll bet it is though) Late night. Mark is so moody. . sometimes I really feel I don’t care. (But I always do, underneath, tho.) 10:50. HOT! Rushed art for nothing – found out I needn’t have handed in any if I chose! […part of the ‘Special Consideration’ I received due to the accident and its aftermath. Because I was absent from school for six weeks, my first term was effectively ‘wiped’ with respect to my final senior grading. In fact, my entire first semester was taken into account and bore less weight than the second in the end.] so 4/7 [pieces] ain’t bad!!

Tuesday 28/4/87

Went to see Kerri again this week..this arvy Just me..mum & Julia outside. I talked about how I understand my life situation and am going to tackle it ..front on..Kerri said I am a strong person [as have many others since] – she’s going to try & build up my confidence. Well, I felt sick this morning- it ended up being worry over Mark ..I still haven’t adjusted to his moods & sarcastic behaviour. A Life in WordsBarely talked all day (even thru’ bio prac.. rat dissection!) till big lunch.. had a talk.. I felt a little better. have worked out yet another thing (we only solve things bit by bit in dribs & drabs) he is not ever bored with me – when I’m round, he is just so relaxed that he feels he doesn’t need to say anything. See? mmm, well.. told Mr Patty quickly today about Sun. night..he seems pleased (& believes) it happened. [Mr Patty was the teacher whose talk with me in hospital soon after the accident struck a chord, easing my mind and creating the basis of my spiritual belief system for Life. (Go to this post to revisit this experience). He’d said he believed that deceased loved ones will send you a message or some kind of sign that they’re there and are okay some time after they pass. Monique certainly did that for me, unequivocally.] I am for sure. I’m also excited again- I’m interested in school… but esp. social life .. I do more with Fi & Mima now …and of course still there’s Mark .. so I’m happy (also that Monique is there with me!) Can’t wait for Terry’s party this weekend. Fi & I (get Sharon to, too) wanna go. (I haven’t gotten “happy” for ages it seems!) [Rather than “not miserable” that “happy” actually refers to being “tiddly-drunk”…] Life has new meaning!!! Skin is clearing up. I’m Getting fatter argh!

Wednesday 29/4/87

10:30. 3rd night in a row – I can’t handle these late nights. Good day today. Bella was at school- in our bio. class. [I’m obviously more comfortable with her by now?] (my skin’s clearing up!) Caught the bus to school .. Mark talking (mostly about the starsign book – all day really) to me before school..during bio…little lunch… and big lunch.. cutey!!! In fact, a happy day all over! Recreation – aerobics; we were late (the Northland Buses forgot to come-that’d be right) [Northland were the owners of our ill-fated bus and I wasn’t a fan of them, understandably. Since initial police investigations implied that brake failure was the cause of the accident, there wasn’t a positive feeing toward them by the community in general either. I believe they ended up liquidating at some point after all the legalities (formal inquiries and trial) were finished…]  A Life in WordsAerobics was hard … the hardest part mainly was the running & jumping exercises – the cardio-vascular work-out I couldn’t bear that too much. [Wimp! To be fair, I didn’t know how to breathe back then. Oh to have known the things I do now! At least I never wore the high cut G-string leotards & leg warmers! (see pic)] Realised so how much out of condition I am. [Um, were you ever IN condition?!] Wanna start riding to school again soon. Mark does weight training while we do aerobics (skint!) But I didn’t see him at all really. Julia said she did & that he sometimes looked at me Skint! [GAWD I hate that word! When the hell did I grow out of it?] Mr Grossetti took Fi & I home.. so I got home v. early.. read Dolly all arvy & tonite wrote out ‘Taurus Male-Cancer female’ essay for Mark for 2morrow. [Priorities? Messed. Up. Can’t do an english assignment overnight to save yourself but no problems writing one out for your boyfriend.] mm… I’m happy. or pleased. Today was nice, indeed. Even though it was bloody hot (esp. during aerobics!) Did no HW – argh! (FAT!)

Thursday 30/4/87

Another good day. (Asked “officially” to go to Terry’s party! Am going – you bet!) Talked quite a bit! (But today he was more crazy than ever.. acting wierd & silly) Then, we went late night shopping tonight, just the two of us – Jemima [privacy omission], Brent working (visited him) so Fi decided to leave us alone. It was good tonight – I asked him to the formal- he is my partner for sure & we’re wearing black & electric blue (& white – for his shirt) Unreal!! When talking to Brent he mentioned he was saving to take mima on a holiday at the end of the yearA Life in Words..suggested Mark & I come with them to an island resort (Mark wants to go to the Gold Coast [Schoolies? It wasn’t quite the massive event back in the 80’s as it is now. In fact, I didn’t even know it existed…] (well, not really: wanted to go overseas, but had to settle for Gold Coast)) would be good if I could spend it with him. That’d be unreal. (Little worried before we went -when I’d rung him (after several ‘engaged’ attempts) said he’d been on the phone to Tricia.. what about? Scary.. but I soon forgot. He loves me.) Cannot wait for Saturday night!!! COOL! Is 10:10. Am buggared. Good ideas what to get Mark 4 Birthday! Sleep now… must sleep (saw Kylie – his old flame tonite – she’s short[interesting choice of criticism…]

Friday 1/5/87

Mark is such a cutey! Came late today and I only got to talk to him at big lunch – he left ½-¾ way through it – was very tired & bored.. (Seemed a little shitty at little lunch- with Steven – not me) so I had another good day. Cannot wait for Terry’s party -Fi’s going & Justine (lots of people are!) I tried to ring Sharon but no answer (about 8:30) so will ring tomorrow. Went into town with Jules & mum… just little things… tried on my formal dress again- will need to lose weight for it- off the stomach only, really.A Life in Words [Also clearly didn’t know back then that you “can’t spot-reduce”] I love it!! Get it made in blue for Mark. Oh, I can’t wait Got my new camera working tonight! (Got it last nite at Earlville-it’s beaut!) [If it’s the one I’m thinking of, it was a funky red thing…] Am gonna take it tomorrow night (& lock it in Brent’s car when I’m finished with it.) Cannot wait! When I got home .. there were about 3 messages – all from Mark on the machine (what a cutie!) I’d wanted an early night. Fat chance it’s 10:35. Still too warm- when will winter hit us?!?

Saturday 2/5/87

Woke about 7:00- angry… I couldn’t sleep in longer.. today I did my crash scrapbook all day (almost)… well .. sticking in cards, that is .. I got them in order & began sticking them a few in.. cause there were so many interruptions… I went in to town to buy fixative [an art product] and, Ross & Thelma came over (leaving tomorrow I think) for a while. I tried to ring Sharon all day… only got onto her mum around 5:00- she couldn’t come. Just fuckin’ great. So I rang Fi & we decided when Brent went to pick up them, they’d come here & we could take Justine. So, finally at about 10:00 they came (I was so tense!) Brent & Fi went to pick up Thorstein..we stopped at a bottle shop.. at the party (heaps of people compared to last year) found Mark – drank my 3 Westcoasts (well, 2½).. was boring really. I was tired .. police came around so everyone had to go (about 11:30) I stayed sitting with Mark for ages … then I left around 1:00. Boring. Was an excellent start. Oh! Robbie was there & I said hello when I was talking to Maureen (she was looking for him at one stage) she said he said something (good) about me: wonder what? She was laughing about the fact that I got with him… [1987 witnessed my first ever ‘obligatory’ New Year’s Kiss… even though I wasn’t actually searching for it. This post will fill you in…] why did he blab? [Oh who knows, and what does it matter, Liss, really? The over-analytical mind feeds paranoid thought patterns…] Boring

Sunday 3/5/87

Got up around 9:00. so tired! Did nothing today – tried to do english but just couldn’t. [Ha. See?!] Nana came over today & Ross & Thelma too.. to see her before they left. Otherwise that was it. A Life in WordsI sunbaked around 3:00-4:00…my scars (the white parts – I put zinc on the tender red bits-) are now pink & that will (hopefully) go brown. [Oh dear, I hope I didn’t actually do more damage. The aim was concealment: my idea was that by tanning the paler skin, the red keloid scarring would be less conspicuous.] Mark rang while I was in the shower, so rang back about 10/15 mins later. Talking cute. God, he’s gorgeous. I love him so much. (Realised it’s been a week tonight since Monique dropped “Walk Like An Egyptian” on the floor, for me to see – everybody I’ve told (& there were quite a few!) seems to believe!) [The message from my deceased friend was, and remains, one of the most impressive & unforgettable experiences in my life to date. Go to my previous week’s post for the details of the ‘occurrence’.] I’m seeing Mark tomorrow hopefully. Must do my assignment tomorrow or I’ll be in deep shit. Watched the movie- is now 10:40. Am so tired (Mark got ‘hit’ last night – there was a fight ‘tween Patrick O’S & PP – Patrick missed Peter twice – got Terry & Mark.) Poor Baby. Am gonna ask dad if Mark can come to Port Douglas for the wedding. [his marriage to my stepmother Jenny] Hope so. So much. Fete this Friday – cool!! NIGHT!

An Injured Workman & a Prank Call (28 April-4 May)

Monday 28/4/86fall

Un-boring day today. In art, Rebecca G and I were painting in Mr Pugh’s art room and we heard an almighty crash. Thinking it was the workmen dropping wood or something, it didn’t bother us until Becca looked at [At? Possibly I meant to say “looked OUT AND”?] saw a guy land on the ground. I turned round. He was cringing (like he’d broken his arm) but then he moved his head and blood spurted out his neck. [Oh I remember this now!] I almost knocked myself out while running to get Ms Marsland (forgetting the glass door) Poor guy fell through a “roof” but only received a cut on his neck – no major injuries. Also Ms Marsland was videoing us. We watched in it 5th period. Funny! Not much of me  9:36. I wonder exactly when Mark’s birthday is. I know he’s a Taurus…. riding tomorrow. Am warm (hot)

Tuesday 29/4/86

Today was a good day. Nothing ‘special’ happened – It was just quite cheerful. We rode (mima, Fi & I) and were boiling. Went to area & had to pass Mark & Steven Shame! Hot, red faces, wet hair!! Anyway, in art we got some new work – really hard. Like philosophical “HEAVY” I can’t explain on this paper; I’d need a whole book practically, to put words into meaning (or vice versa) I’m hot … I’ve chucked my winter PJ’s – I was too hot. I put on a summer one. Was really hot & hard riding!! Did a fair bit of HW tonight – felt good about it. Also have ideas as to how I’ll do this (very hard) reading assignment for English 9:03. And I’m not too tired. Ate a lot this arvy. Got a head ache too. Wow!!

Wednesday 30/4/86

I am HOT. I can’t believe this is meant to be summer autumn, I mean! FOOTSTEPS TO FAME [our school ‘talent quest’] was…UNREAL! It was so funny. Mark was there. But he looked like he was looking for someone all the time (perhaps Angie?..) →but he wasn’t with her. Not me, of course. Never me. [Oh, cry me a river..] It’s 10:20 according to my Mickey Mouse watch. Riding again tomorrow (apparently) Oh, how I wish… I did no HW … almost forgot speech again (it’s on at 4:30 now) I HATE WEDNESDAYS They are so boring. Everyone leaves for sport and/or recreation. Shits me off (cos Mark goes too) Megan talked to me today. Quite a bit. Change, huh? BORWING, BORWING, BORWING. I HATE HATE HATE WEDNESDAYS.

Thursday 1/5/86

Today was a pretty good day (sat in the back seat on the way home today: fun!! Gammon) [Gammon: local slang for “as if!”] Anyway, all my subjects were fun (if not, they were interesting anyway) And there was always Mark to drool over. It’s incredible… I can’t really use words to describe him… I just wish I could become good friends with him. Then I’d be a bit happier (than I already am!) [Oh here’s a wonderful example of one of the basic failings of human beings – believing Happiness is the result of external circumstances, when it’s completely & solely controlled by the individual. But this is obviously a lesson to be learned in life…] Got our bathroom mirror yesterday arvy and was put up today. Looks unreal!! I have no idea what to wear tomorrow. [It was a ‘free dress’ day – a break from the monotony of uniforms] Shorts – but what ones?? 9:50. I’ll hafta wake early so I can decide!! Now I’m stuck for words…!! Everyone is being so nice to me lately. I mean really friendly I’m happy about that

Friday 2/5/86

I felt a bit of a dag, wearing my dotty shorts and Julia’s roomy, old, full-of-holes blue T-shirt and my sandshoes. But I didn’t worry about it too much. Got all my maths HW out of the way. Have only Chem. & Eng. left (no Bio HW) Still am not sure what’s happening about Green Island. Don’t think any guys will turn up: I’m not counting on it. Not getting hopes up. Mark was half-free dressed so were most of the guys, anyway. I am tired – just watched the movie – it’s 11:25. Sleep in tomorrow! Am so tired. Am feeling a little better lately i.e.: more ‘accepted’ by every(most)one Dunno exactly what’s to happen this weekend!! TYRED eyes!

A Life in WordsSaturday 3/5/86

Running from the photographer (my sister) in one of the 'fashions' I'd made from the piece of material
Running from the photographer (my sister) in one of the ‘fashions’ I’d made from the piece of material

Boring! I knew I should have attempted to do my chemistry HW and my english assignment but I couldn’t get motivated. Instead, I read May “Dolly” my book “The dark Quartet” and ….and (?) …and …ate!! And listened to the radio and ate and ate. I ate too much I think. I also watched a bit of TV. And I made “fashions” out of an old (large) bit of fabric (togas) Some of them looked really great, especially with brooches and (my) make up. [My sister played at this with me and got a hold of my camera (see photo) to take ‘modelling shots’!] Anyhow, Sharon rang and she’s coming round late tomorrow arvy (she’s gotta work) Apparently, “lotsa people are going.” And I forgot to ring mima & fiona. Dammit. Remember in the morning. Is 12:30. Yes. I played Trivial Pursuit & got bored & tired. And now have had a late night. SHIT.

[On this day, in the ‘Notes’ section at the back of my diary I’d lamented:] Wish someone’d have another party. I’m longing for one!

Sunday 4/5/86

I got an obscene call today. Nah – it was just a prank call. A guy (I thought it really was someone I knew at first) told me to guess who he was saying “you remember me and you and that room”…. I said “Sorry! .. Bye!” And hung up. It frightened me after a bit – I have a feeling it might be someone I know. Today I wasted another day: did absolutely nothing useful. Sharon came around 6:00 Talked. She’s in the shower now – I’m hurrying to write this before she gets out so I can hide it – she saw it & wants (I’m sure) to read it. [To my knowledge, there were very few people who actually went to any lengths to read my diaries. I was amazed my mother and sister were never the slightest bit interested in snooping.] It’s 9:15 now – we’ll probably have a late night. Am taking Joannah & Fi tomorrow. WOW!! Weather just said will be rainy 2 morrow – Please be wrong!! Have told Sharon a lot of secrets tonight (esp. about Mark)