A Break-Up Scare, Birthday Bashes & My Father’s Wedding (18-24 May)

Monday 18/5/87

A Life in Words
Hypnotist Martin St James, whom we were going to see on Friday night.

So much depends on tomorrow. So much. You see, I rang him tonight. Yes, I worked up the guts. .& he wasn’t happy at all… (Today at school he wasn’t avoiding me; he wasn’t talking, though. It appeared to me as if he wanted to talk, but couldn’t) Jemima went to the Cairns Library for the day. I was bored… after school we rode into town & got the Martin St. James [a world-renowned hypnotist] tickets. She came back to my place. we called Cameron. And Mark- but he wasn’t home – I did call back later tonight 7:45 abouts. We had a 1½ hour phonecall and we talked about almost everything This time we came so close to ending. If I hadn’t’ve rung him tonight, he would’ve given me til the weekend, then it would’ve been off..so now, he’s made tomorrow the deciding factor… if we work tomorrow great. [What does that even mean, “if we work”? And why is tomorrow any more important than ‘Now’?] But if not… we’re finished. For good. Even our friendship. Oh, God give me the strength to make it work tomorrow. PLEASE HELP ME. I love him so much. [Good God. Why are YOU doing the ‘work’ Elissa? Is it really worth all this stress?!]

Tuesday 19/5/87

Well, it’s on again- for young & old (Ha, ha!) I was worried this morning – it appeared he wasn’t going to talk to me. So, at little lunch I took the plunge, & went up to him. During little lunch, double biology & ½ of big lunch we were very serious.. thinking, mostly ..sometimes asking questions & discussing our thoughts. He scared me.. he said “who’ll be the bad guy?” I thought shit, shit! but said “you, I guess”. [Of course..] He said “I don’t think we should go out anymore.” I said “Oh” & did nothing. He didn’t appear to be joking- not laughing or smiling.. then he did. “You’re not serious?” I said. “No!” he said. [Games, games, games…] I am so relieved! I am going  to attempt to make it different …. lasting & beautiful. I WILL. I am determined. [Ah, here’s he’s the Control Freak. It’s taken SO long to learn that nothing, and no one, can be controlled…] Did no HW today again. It’s getting cooler now God I’m tired. It’s 9:35. Good night!A Life in Words

Wednesday 20/5/87

Rang him at 7:30. He wasn’t too happy ;had just woken up! At school, he wouldn’t take it, [his birthday present] but I shoved it in his bag in bio when he was talking to Chris. Otherwise I barely saw him; he raced off at big lunch (to do his learners – yes, of course, he got it) & I only caught glimpses of him at aerobics. This arvy Mrs W. rang & invited me to dinner with them. I wasn’t sure whether Mark wanted me to go but mum coaxed me into it. Thank God Keith went too..Mark wasn’t at all happy & if Keith wasn’t there being a clown & breaking the ice it would’ve been terrible. I barely spoke a word! (Fi & Justine didn’t do aerobics today -slacko’s!) At lunchtime before catching the buses, Polly & Juliet & their lot were in our area…Nicole sat with Joannah & Tricia ..down the end. And when she went Tricia said “bye Nicole!” [paranoia plus: my two nemeses happen to be having a chat] Nicole’s been giving me dirty looks (according to [privacy omission]) Maybe they’re scheming together to get him away from me. (Joke) [Yeah, that’s an obvious conclusion. Pfft. Paranoia plus. And an attempt at deflecting my insecurity with the “(Joke)”] I joked to Fi & she reckons “Well they won’t” (get him that is) And I know it. SUFFER! He loves me!

Thursday 22/5/87

Barely talked to him at all. Didn’t think he was coming, but showed up in maths. Little lunch I didn’t talk & at big lunch I had to do my oral practise (it’s tomorrow & I don’t know anything – well, 2 out of my whole 8 lines!) with Donna, Bob & Gemila. A Life in WordsSo after art, I quickly said hi, then in library for english practised again. (Hopeless case!) Only a few silly, crazy) words after school ..mum drove us (we cleaned our teeth first) to the dentist. Mr. Fairweather filed back the chip in my tooth [yet another disfigurement courtesy of the bus accident] & otherwise, my teeth are perfect! [There’s one thing that I have somehow managed to uphold – not that my teeth are ‘perfect’ but all my dentists have applauded my ‘dental hygiene’.] Walked home (talked to Adrienne on the way!) Mima was going to Smithfield, Fi didn’t want to go, so Mark & I went late night (Sandra driving us) I got Julia’s card + present- a cute denim satchel, Fi’s card, Dad & Jenny’s wedding card (& I frigging forgot my hairspray) and a black shirt like the yellow one I bought for Mark, he payed $15 out of it..isn’t that gorgeous. [I probably wouldn’t use the word gorgeous. Maybe generous?] Of course! Can’t wait 4 tomorrow – Martin St. James & then little “party” at Fi’s Mark, [privacy omission] are going to come along too!! UNREAL!! cooler (slightly) weather  Frigging english oral. I’ll fail

Friday 23/5/87

A Life in Words
All dressed up for a hypnotic night with Martin St. James

FI’S BIRTHDAY Ready early; went by & picked my wallet up from Mark’s ..he was still in bed at 8:30! [That IS impressive for a school day…] Our english oral was a bloody scream! Mr Grossetti wants us to do it again Monday afternoon. [I’m gathering because it was such a success? I think I might have enjoyed Acting as a vocation, had I been driven to chase it. Mr G. was undoubtedly one of my favourite teachers, inspiring so much confidence in me; he had previously suggested I could be a impersonator too, because I ‘nailed’ an Irish accent during a class reading of Juno & the Paycock. Here’s the link to the entry mentioning that – see Friday 1 August.] Great. Bludge lesson otherwise- realised I have 2 assignments to do by next Friday. Bloody fantastic. Talked very little to Mark today, again.. at big lunch went downtown- [privacy omission] got passport photos for false I.D. (didn’t get that finished anyway) Was so excited about tonight.. Mark [privacy omission] are coming at 3:00..at home, after a visit from Beka (& tidy my bedroom) packed, got ready for Fi’s. Finished getting ready there. MARTIN ST. JAMES was so good so funny Julie H tried out, but didn’t work on her (we couldn’t make Fi) Crabbie was there too! After, mima, fi, geoff m, cameron v & I went to Yanks [the only “late night” coffee shop in the Cairns CBD at that time] ([privacy omission] were on bad terms then) Spent some time there then taxied to Cameron’s & he (in his sister’s car) drove Fi, mim & I home. We got out the Kahlua YUMMY! mima got sick; I got happy. [I’m thinkin’ “drunk-happy”] [privacy omission] came. But Mark didn’t. I was so disappointed & angry. Really depressed, so I ate nearly all the smarties [emotional eating] – & whinged., while [privacy omission] forgot their problems & Fi & Jason sat quietly joking etc. Finally around, I think, 3:30,→

Saturday 23/5/87

we went in [privacy omission]‘s car – Jas. Fi & I to Mark’s ([privacy omission] & Jason had tried twice to get Mark) but weren’t able to wake him or anything. So after a drive around Whitfield & Edge Hill, went back to Fi’s & I went to sleep, depressed. Woken around 9:00, left soon after. Really didn’t want to go to Port Douglas. I wasted morning time (not much of it) then packed before ringing Mark, around 12:00-12:30. Was on the phone for ages. I really didn’t want to hang up. I wanted to hear his voice – was so depressed that I didn’t get to see him this weekend. IT’S NOT FAIR! (He had been asleep – slept thru his alarm) I cried, I was so upset about having to go. Duffy came just after 2:00 Drive to Port was boring. [But Elissa, it’s so beautiful?] Coconut Groves o.k. joint. “Unpacked” & went to the shop (walked) Really boring. The ceremony was “short & sweet” – photographers (could be in the Cairns Times!) A Life in WordsAfter, watched TV (so boring!) Then attempted to ring Mark (6:30) “at Cameron’s”. There was no one at Cameron’s at all when I rang either so Mark’s at a party. I told him I’d ring. Oh I miss him! Dinner was long & spread out. [It’s called a reception, and it involves lots of talking, so it is by nature “long and spread out”…] Now am watching TV. Am so tired & bored (tired, more so) will probably watch TV all night (dozing now & then.)

Sunday 24/5/87

Fell asleep around 12:00. Woke 8:00. Shit! Carol B was leaving at 8:30! (Thought I missed her, so thought we’d get a lift with Vic M) leisurely ate brekky when Carole rushed in. We hurredly grabbed our gear, said goodbye to dad & left around 9:00. Home early .. did nothing all day, except plant my seeds for bio assignment Got fucking bloody Freddy. Ugh! Saw Justine for a few minutes. Pigged out after a visit to a take-away. Mum finished [painting] our rooms (& I just finished tidying up the mess) Looks excellent! All bright, clean, beautiful white. Around 4:00 (I think) : 3:30 or 3:15 (anyway:) mark rang; talked; he went to the Trinity Bay party (Belinda’s) Keith said (he arrived ½ way thru) mark was bored without me.  How flattering. [Flattering, but not necessarily true?] Anyway, finally got off the phone: got ready & went to Mark’s at 5:30. We went to his work. Watched videos .. didn’t do much. But on the way home we talked & kissed. Oh! That was good. I love kissing him!! I had asked him about where it was he had seen me before. [At some stage in the past he had mentioned he’d seen/noticed me before I had begun at Cairns High. Of course I was curious: how could I not have noticed him too?] He won’t tell me. He said I was with someone he was talking to. Where? When? He won’t tell me. Said “in 5 years time 24th May, I will.” [Uh-huh. And of course, that ne’er happened…]

Cardiovascular Conditioning & Sizzling My Scar (27 April-3 May)

Monday 27/4/87A Life in Words

Periods are a pain in the arse. Bella was at school today – for a visit; I didn’t quite know what to say to her ..it was embarrassing. [I’m not exactly sure what I meant by this.. perhaps that, outside of our shared injuries/hospital experience I didn’t really know her, so didn’t know how to comfortably converse with her?] Also Mark gave back  my necklace – has a rash on his neck & it’s irritating (wonder if it caused it ..or if that’s a subtle hint) [paranoia or gut feeling?] HOT (not really just warmer than usual – & sunnier most of the day!) Of all the people I told (about last night’s freaky experience.). they were all “shocked” except Mark- I thought so .. he doesn’t believe in that stuff, I gather. My day O.K. got on O.K. little lunch (end of) + what. I saw of him in big lunch & then in bio, I took his chair away from him & he hit the floor (then me, of course) But got shitty (muck ’round) & wouldn’t talk to me. I got worried of course ..when I rang him tonight, he sounded very bored ..vague disinterested said he hurt his leg again ..nothing to do with me – “don’t be silly” (I’ll bet it is though) Late night. Mark is so moody. . sometimes I really feel I don’t care. (But I always do, underneath, tho.) 10:50. HOT! Rushed art for nothing – found out I needn’t have handed in any if I chose! […part of the ‘Special Consideration’ I received due to the accident and its aftermath. Because I was absent from school for six weeks, my first term was effectively ‘wiped’ with respect to my final senior grading. In fact, my entire first semester was taken into account and bore less weight than the second in the end.] so 4/7 [pieces] ain’t bad!!

Tuesday 28/4/87

Went to see Kerri again this week..this arvy Just me..mum & Julia outside. I talked about how I understand my life situation and am going to tackle it ..front on..Kerri said I am a strong person [as have many others since] – she’s going to try & build up my confidence. Well, I felt sick this morning- it ended up being worry over Mark ..I still haven’t adjusted to his moods & sarcastic behaviour. A Life in WordsBarely talked all day (even thru’ bio prac.. rat dissection!) till big lunch.. had a talk.. I felt a little better. have worked out yet another thing (we only solve things bit by bit in dribs & drabs) he is not ever bored with me – when I’m round, he is just so relaxed that he feels he doesn’t need to say anything. See? mmm, well.. told Mr Patty quickly today about Sun. night..he seems pleased (& believes) it happened. [Mr Patty was the teacher whose talk with me in hospital soon after the accident struck a chord, easing my mind and creating the basis of my spiritual belief system for Life. (Go to this post to revisit this experience). He’d said he believed that deceased loved ones will send you a message or some kind of sign that they’re there and are okay some time after they pass. Monique certainly did that for me, unequivocally.] I am for sure. I’m also excited again- I’m interested in school… but esp. social life .. I do more with Fi & Mima now …and of course still there’s Mark .. so I’m happy (also that Monique is there with me!) Can’t wait for Terry’s party this weekend. Fi & I (get Sharon to, too) wanna go. (I haven’t gotten “happy” for ages it seems!) [Rather than “not miserable” that “happy” actually refers to being “tiddly-drunk”…] Life has new meaning!!! Skin is clearing up. I’m Getting fatter argh!

Wednesday 29/4/87

10:30. 3rd night in a row – I can’t handle these late nights. Good day today. Bella was at school- in our bio. class. [I’m obviously more comfortable with her by now?] (my skin’s clearing up!) Caught the bus to school .. Mark talking (mostly about the starsign book – all day really) to me before school..during bio…little lunch… and big lunch.. cutey!!! In fact, a happy day all over! Recreation – aerobics; we were late (the Northland Buses forgot to come-that’d be right) [Northland were the owners of our ill-fated bus and I wasn’t a fan of them, understandably. Since initial police investigations implied that brake failure was the cause of the accident, there wasn’t a positive feeing toward them by the community in general either. I believe they ended up liquidating at some point after all the legalities (formal inquiries and trial) were finished…]  A Life in WordsAerobics was hard … the hardest part mainly was the running & jumping exercises – the cardio-vascular work-out I couldn’t bear that too much. [Wimp! To be fair, I didn’t know how to breathe back then. Oh to have known the things I do now! At least I never wore the high cut G-string leotards & leg warmers! (see pic)] Realised so how much out of condition I am. [Um, were you ever IN condition?!] Wanna start riding to school again soon. Mark does weight training while we do aerobics (skint!) But I didn’t see him at all really. Julia said she did & that he sometimes looked at me Skint! [GAWD I hate that word! When the hell did I grow out of it?] Mr Grossetti took Fi & I home.. so I got home v. early.. read Dolly all arvy & tonite wrote out ‘Taurus Male-Cancer female’ essay for Mark for 2morrow. [Priorities? Messed. Up. Can’t do an english assignment overnight to save yourself but no problems writing one out for your boyfriend.] mm… I’m happy. or pleased. Today was nice, indeed. Even though it was bloody hot (esp. during aerobics!) Did no HW – argh! (FAT!)

Thursday 30/4/87

Another good day. (Asked “officially” to go to Terry’s party! Am going – you bet!) Talked quite a bit! (But today he was more crazy than ever.. acting wierd & silly) Then, we went late night shopping tonight, just the two of us – Jemima [privacy omission], Brent working (visited him) so Fi decided to leave us alone. It was good tonight – I asked him to the formal- he is my partner for sure & we’re wearing black & electric blue (& white – for his shirt) Unreal!! When talking to Brent he mentioned he was saving to take mima on a holiday at the end of the yearA Life in Words..suggested Mark & I come with them to an island resort (Mark wants to go to the Gold Coast [Schoolies? It wasn’t quite the massive event back in the 80’s as it is now. In fact, I didn’t even know it existed…] (well, not really: wanted to go overseas, but had to settle for Gold Coast)) would be good if I could spend it with him. That’d be unreal. (Little worried before we went -when I’d rung him (after several ‘engaged’ attempts) said he’d been on the phone to Tricia.. what about? Scary.. but I soon forgot. He loves me.) Cannot wait for Saturday night!!! COOL! Is 10:10. Am buggared. Good ideas what to get Mark 4 Birthday! Sleep now… must sleep (saw Kylie – his old flame tonite – she’s short[interesting choice of criticism…]

Friday 1/5/87

Mark is such a cutey! Came late today and I only got to talk to him at big lunch – he left ½-¾ way through it – was very tired & bored.. (Seemed a little shitty at little lunch- with Steven – not me) so I had another good day. Cannot wait for Terry’s party -Fi’s going & Justine (lots of people are!) I tried to ring Sharon but no answer (about 8:30) so will ring tomorrow. Went into town with Jules & mum… just little things… tried on my formal dress again- will need to lose weight for it- off the stomach only, really.A Life in Words [Also clearly didn’t know back then that you “can’t spot-reduce”] I love it!! Get it made in blue for Mark. Oh, I can’t wait Got my new camera working tonight! (Got it last nite at Earlville-it’s beaut!) [If it’s the one I’m thinking of, it was a funky red thing…] Am gonna take it tomorrow night (& lock it in Brent’s car when I’m finished with it.) Cannot wait! When I got home .. there were about 3 messages – all from Mark on the machine (what a cutie!) I’d wanted an early night. Fat chance it’s 10:35. Still too warm- when will winter hit us?!?

Saturday 2/5/87

Woke about 7:00- angry… I couldn’t sleep in longer.. today I did my crash scrapbook all day (almost)… well .. sticking in cards, that is .. I got them in order & began sticking them a few in.. cause there were so many interruptions… I went in to town to buy fixative [an art product] and, Ross & Thelma came over (leaving tomorrow I think) for a while. I tried to ring Sharon all day… only got onto her mum around 5:00- she couldn’t come. Just fuckin’ great. So I rang Fi & we decided when Brent went to pick up them, they’d come here & we could take Justine. So, finally at about 10:00 they came (I was so tense!) Brent & Fi went to pick up Thorstein..we stopped at a bottle shop.. at the party (heaps of people compared to last year) found Mark – drank my 3 Westcoasts (well, 2½).. was boring really. I was tired .. police came around so everyone had to go (about 11:30) I stayed sitting with Mark for ages … then I left around 1:00. Boring. Was an excellent start. Oh! Robbie was there & I said hello when I was talking to Maureen (she was looking for him at one stage) she said he said something (good) about me: wonder what? She was laughing about the fact that I got with him… [1987 witnessed my first ever ‘obligatory’ New Year’s Kiss… even though I wasn’t actually searching for it. This post will fill you in…] why did he blab? [Oh who knows, and what does it matter, Liss, really? The over-analytical mind feeds paranoid thought patterns…] Boring

Sunday 3/5/87

Got up around 9:00. so tired! Did nothing today – tried to do english but just couldn’t. [Ha. See?!] Nana came over today & Ross & Thelma too.. to see her before they left. Otherwise that was it. A Life in WordsI sunbaked around 3:00-4:00…my scars (the white parts – I put zinc on the tender red bits-) are now pink & that will (hopefully) go brown. [Oh dear, I hope I didn’t actually do more damage. The aim was concealment: my idea was that by tanning the paler skin, the red keloid scarring would be less conspicuous.] Mark rang while I was in the shower, so rang back about 10/15 mins later. Talking cute. God, he’s gorgeous. I love him so much. (Realised it’s been a week tonight since Monique dropped “Walk Like An Egyptian” on the floor, for me to see – everybody I’ve told (& there were quite a few!) seems to believe!) [The message from my deceased friend was, and remains, one of the most impressive & unforgettable experiences in my life to date. Go to my previous week’s post for the details of the ‘occurrence’.] I’m seeing Mark tomorrow hopefully. Must do my assignment tomorrow or I’ll be in deep shit. Watched the movie- is now 10:40. Am so tired (Mark got ‘hit’ last night – there was a fight ‘tween Patrick O’S & PP – Patrick missed Peter twice – got Terry & Mark.) Poor Baby. Am gonna ask dad if Mark can come to Port Douglas for the wedding. [his marriage to my stepmother Jenny] Hope so. So much. Fete this Friday – cool!! NIGHT!

A Mandatory Stay with Dad (11-17 March)

Monday 11/3/85 A Life in Words

Today was a boring Monday except that Sons & Daughters is on (or started) again – tonight. & also – in place of New Price is Right – the “Perfect Match”. Is weird show. Want to ring mima soon – it’s about 8, 8:15. Going to say sorry bout how I acted at speech last Wed. (was moody about carnival) Beka also got her hair cut to level bottom of her ears. Looks REVOLTING. Doesn’t suit her at all. About mum going to Brisbane:- co’s’ we’ll have to stay with Dad, we’ll hafta catch the Holloway Bch Bus. That is something I DEFINITELY will NOT DO

A Life in WordsTuesday 12/3/85

Today was my last day at home. Mum is leaving early tomorrow morning. We are at dad’s tonight. He’s going to drop us at our bus stop tomorrow. I’ll get on the bus again in the arvy, for speech & he’ll pick me up after. BAD day. Watched a movie in English “The Voyage of the Damned”. Is good, but boring so far & uncomfy. Double maths was boring: so was science – Fi was going (faking) on about how she had inconstinence or something. “leakage of the bowel”. I almost believed her. [I have on occasion been considered gullible. Admittedly, it is still possible to pull the wool over my eyes…] LATE NITE 10:30

Wednesday 13/3/85

A Life in WordsToday was better than yesterday. Felt better. When rang mim yesterday, after school said sorry & asked about speech HW, then told her about Bluelight. She offered for me to stay the weekend. But dad said no. [All attempts to get out of going to Port Douglas for the weekend were failing.] We are leaving Fri night & coming home monday morning. Science was boring. PES was embarrassing, Ger was stupid, History was dull, Art was fun & BP complicated. Watched finish of movie today, lunch-time. Happy ending! Today I got on the bus before the 1st stop. Got off at Fi’s dis arvy Jules & me. After speech, went home to get more gear then at dad’s flat; I had another late night 11:00

Thursday 14/3/85

Missed catching the bus at Stratty shops, but caught it at Petra’s corner. Harry said we couldn’t catch this bus after all, without paying, saying that as long as we were out at Holloways, we had to catch that bus. But I told him it was only temporary & the whole thing was ‘forgot’! Maths, stupid. PES shame & I put my (left side) back out, Science, boring, Bought juice at L.Lunch, History was dull, BP (the light is dawning ie, I know how to do Bank Reconciliation, now) Big Lunch boring English slow & Art treadly fun. Got off bus & went home. Looks dull & lonely. Hate even being there. Dad picked us up at 5:00 (after we’d had showers ‘n’ gotten things we needed. Late nite – couldn’t find a backpack, nor diamontés. Big shopping load. At flat another late nite 11:00. Am bugared!

Friday 15/3/85

Today woke late-ish. Had to pack things that we’re taking to Port D. & everything else. Have decided now to get on the bus at Fairweather’s (like we did today) cos’ we never know whether the bus has gone past at Stratty shops, or not (like we did today!) School was boring-er!! than ever. After, at home, ate what we could (not much) & did HW, while watching TV. After dad’s run, we went to the Freshy Hotel for drinks, then drove to Port Douglas. Pizza for tea. Late nite 11:30.

Saturday 16/3/85

Today was boring. Got around 8hrs sleep last night. When woke, had to help in cleaning the house & pool. Before 12 sometime went with Jenny (Jules & me) to the Port Nursery and picked out about 20 plants! After a quick lunch the Mulleys arrived during the matinee movie then the others came. Wasn’t a bad party but I was bored. WISH I could have gone to the BLUELIGHT. Just read my book tonight, not hanging round Jackie & her hoony friends nor Amanda & Co cos they were too childish. Am scared. I hate Port D.

Sunday 17/3/85

Last night something was going to happen. In Jackie’s room, the hoony friends, Jackie & Anthony were going to do something to me. Whether it was force me to smoke or get drunk; I don’t know but that’s what I’m scared about. [I’m not sure if I actually knew ‘something was going to happen’ for a fact or whether I was uncomfortable & paranoid, and therefore ‘expecting’ something. My feeling is the latter. I can have paranoid tendencies – most probably borne of an inherent lack of self-belief – but thankfully they have lessened over the years.] I’ll never come here again. Hurry & come home, mum….. Today was just as boring. I want this weekend to hurry & finish. Got about 6hrs sleep last night. Woke around 8:00. Swam all day & mucked around. Read book when everyone had left & watched TV tonite. Want an early night. Want to ring Fiona & talk about Bluelite.

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Christmas Shopping (17-23 December)

Monday 17/12/84 A Life in Words

Went to town with Justine at 12:00. S’posed to try to buy some shirts – couldn’t find any. Got Julia’s chrissy present also got some pale pink nail polish, grey eyeliner, 3 butterfly hair clips (1 4 me, other 2 for mim & Fi’s chrissy prezzys.) Julia found her present tonite. Stupid bitch. I’ll have to refund/change them now.

Tuesday 18/12/84

Julia has some sort of wog, Poor girl. I went to work for dad. Cleaned drums and earned $20!! [Some of the work I did for my father would be illegal in this day & age. My primary job was to wash out 10 litre cube drums that had had chemicals such as hydrochloric acid, ammonia, sodium hypochlorite with a hose, for recycling. No protective clothing, footwear, gloves, eyewear or respiratory masks. OH &S and Risk Management were non-existent in the ’80’s] Oh! I forgot tot tell you yesterday I finally put up the christmas decorations! After I’d come home from town that is.

Wednesday 19/12/84 A Life in Words

Went to see “Gremlins” with mim, fi, polly & anna. stayed in town after. Got Geoff’s Julia’s & Dad’s presents (couldn’t refund Julia’s records.) Nana left for Sydney today so I didn’t have to get her a present after all. Thank God! I can’t afford any more! A Life in Words

Thursday 20/12/84

Worked at Dad’s again today. Was quite hot. Am tired. (I earned exactly $20 & a pair of sunburnt thighs!)

Friday 21/12/84

Spent the whole day at Earlville with Julia. Got mum’s, Jodie’s, Michael’s, mim’s & Fi’s prezzys. Have no money left but no more presents to buy!! At home, I wrapped them all.

Saturday 22/12/84 A Life in Words

IS SO HOT!! Lazed around today. Finished wrapping all prezzys then watched TV all day. Ate too much. Going to dad’s tomorrow.

Sunday 23/12/84

Woke late, actually. Can’t believe I have not  woken up before 7:00 one day of the holidays so far! Packed bag & watched TV till dad came. Julia went with  Jenny. 10 min delay at Oak Beach. A van had rolled no one was hurt, tho. Just watched TV at Jenny’s.

Bullying & a New Heart Throb (3-9 December)

Monday 3/12/84

Maths was quite easy but I know I definitely have not got 100%. Science was ‘simple’ too but there were some questions and history too was easy but I didn’t know if I expressed myself correctly, in words. Otherwise, am pleased. Carol B. dropped mum’s plants over this afternoon. Had a late-ish nite & haven’t studied any BP …. UH-OH……..

Tuesday 4/12/84

I don’t think I did crash-hot. Around 55/65 I think I’ll get. Gave Rebecca P. more hell than ever today only to find her parents coming down to ‘scream’ at me. At first I packed shit, but then relaxed. Feeling guilty now about having to tell the ‘truth’ ie, naming mim & fi as some of the troublemakers. [I can’t remember exactly what kind of treatment we – because it certainly was not just me  – dished up to this girl but it clearly affected her enough that her mother (I don’t recall her father being present at all – if he was, he was definitely silent the entire time) flew into protective mode and was on the proverbial Warpath. I remember standing on our drive-way with mum as Rebecca’s mother verbally let rip at me & my mother. No one in our family is confrontational and our usual reaction is one of shocked silence, so I can’t really recall our ‘defence’.] Early-ish night. Haven’t studied much art…

Wednesday 5/12/84

Art was easy. Got History back 44/50 I couldn’t believe it! I went from 63% last semester to 83% this sem! Not as good as I thought in science: 56/70 OH WELL! Everyone knows about the P.’s coming to see me now. She will cop more shit than ever, now. (Apparently her parents only came to blow me up. Said  they were going to see everyone else but didn’t.) Mrs P., they’re all Bitches. Today (generally) was a bludge.

Thursday 6/12/84

Another Bludge. Am so glad exams are over! Got art back 37/40, same as last semester. Fran told Fi in their german class today what Rebecca P. actually yelled to me when we got off the bus. – “Poor Elissa, lives in a flat.” If her parents broke up, I’d like to see HER mum cope – OOH thats so mean. Makes me SOOOOO MAD. (Now everyone in the popular group knows). I think everyone does. [I have concluded that this girl’s parents (or parent, namely her mother) targeted me and my family simply because there was no ‘man’ around to defend us. In a pack of wild animals, I guess we would have seemed to be the ‘easy kill’?! They certainly did not confront any of the families of the other girls involved in the ‘bullying’ so in a respect, Mrs P. was a bully herself. With hindsight, it only serves to illustrate just how strong my mother was; to survive a marriage breakdown, work, build a house and rear two daughters. How can I not feel anything other than gratitude?]

Friday 7/12/84

Is BOILING the heat is suffocating. EVERYONE hates Rebecca P. Tina & everyone in the popular group talks to us more often now the others have left. I think I like someone else. I don’t think Mark is good for as SM would/could be. Tell ya who he is later … Late nite.

Saturday 8/12/84

God Sean is a spunk! I dreamt about him last nite (SM is Sean/Shaun M.) In 9G. Has been at Smithfield quite a while but I’ve only just woken up. I love ‘im! Was disappointed when dad rang to say we couldn’t go to work & had to go to Jenny’s. Went anyway. After shopping & housework (I got $5 for it!) went. Watched TV – very bored. Very late night.

Sunday 9/12/84 A Life in Words

*Fuckin’ hot today. Naaah! Forget that* Just hot & boring. Late outta bed. After brekky, sketched & played chess till ’bout 5:00. Went to pub. Staying tonight.

Meeting the Future Step-Siblings (12-18 November)

Monday 12/11/84

Sooo tired but I’m also so restless. Fi admitted she loves Jason P. Personally, I think they’d suit each other. Dad hosted the “Stefan Finalists Northern Zone Hairstyle Awards” so Leanne’s giving him, Julia & I free haircuts (we’re getting it done tomorrow for the presentation night.) She said we could look at books, choose what we’d like & she’d tell us whether it would suit us, how to keep it looking good etc. I’m sooo nervous. How’ll I get mine cut?? late nite.

Tuesday 13/11/84

A Life in WordsPRESENTATION NIGHT. It was HOT. but fast. Had our rehearsal of walking up & receiving etc in periods 6 & 7. My haircut wasn’t too bad but Jules’ was great! (Leanne wasn’t there – called out of town on (bad) personal business.) Deep “V” cut short bob. → [see hand-drawn diagram… it’s the ‘rear view’ of Julia’s head, in case you’re baffled.] Concave cut. Mine’s neat too!

Wednesday 14/11/84

Boring, tiring day. Felt a bit sick. Had no dinner. Got whole english assignment completed. Went to speech – found it wasn’t on – finished for the year! I didn’t know!! My hair is spikey in the corner (of the fringe) & fat Julieanne walked past me & said to her friend “Look at her hair!” giggle-whisper-giggle, giggle. BITCH. but Anna loves it.

Thursday 15/11/84

Today was plain & boring. Nothing special to record except that it was BOILING hot & in art, took photos with our pinhole cardboard cameras. Is treadly. [These were pretty impressive! I still can’t believe we actually took photos with ‘cardboard boxes’. Also did the whole ‘dark room’ developing as well. Unfortunately I have forgotten the science behind it all now.]

Friday 16/11/84

Rushed day. Got exam timetable {mon, 3rd Dec = (1) Maths (2) Science (3) History // Tues 4th Dec = (1) nil (2) BP (3) nil//} Monday’s gonna be tough one. At home, vacuumed, showered & packed. Dad came & we went to Red Beret. After to Vic & Liz’s for tea. Fell asleep around 10:00. Got home around 2:00 though!

Saturday 17/11/84 A Life in Words

Dozed til 8:00. Dressed & went shopping. Ate big vanilla slice – bee-u-ti-ful!! At work played on dad’s new ‘paper’ calculating machine. At flat, dad did housework, we did HW. When we got to Jenny’s (it’s a beautiful house) the kids weren’t there – Jules & I did some polishing. Anthony came first, then Jacki. (She’s a tart – reminds me of Kim M. but she is very nice.) Anthony is good-looking (but so different to what we expected) & small. Played video games, rode the trail bike & mucked around all nite. Got little sleep.

Sunday 18/11/84

Mucked around – played chess, video games etc. An hour after BBQ lunch, went to Mossman Gorge. Took Anthony, Sean K. & his friend Shane. Jenny, Jules & I didn’t swim but had fun. Lost the key on the track but luckily, Julia found it! [My sister was always the ‘eagle eye’ of our family.] After, went to pub, then had a shower before Keanes came & knocked over the water meter!! (Anthony was in the shower!!) Late, very late night.

23 April 1984

A Life in WordsMonday 23/4/84

EASTER MONDAY. Today was great! Went to the beach in the morning (burnt alive!) and went home after a ‘Mocka’ pie. When walked inside, felt the tension and when mum came home, she frowned when she got inside. The depression is overpowering. It got us all down.

Unfortunately, I can’t explain this. Perhaps the tension and guilt mentioned the day before – about not getting mum a present for Easter – was the driver for this? But I’m fairly certain mum wasn’t at all materialistic, so I doubt the lack of a gift would have upset her. It must have been something to do with …us BOTH being with dad….leaving her alone for ‘too long’? 

22 April 1984

Sunday 22/4/84

I got a BIKE from dad! Before we left, dad & I cried. me because I felt guilty about never staying the night now’n’then & him cause he was hurt & didn’t know what was wrong. One problem with this Easter pressy – I won’t get a present for Birthday or Xmas this year. (who cares?) Jules & I forgot to get mum a present. We could tell she was upset. I feel so guilty. At ‘Port’, went to Gorge (icy cold!) & made the ’rounds’. Lunch at LeBerhz’s tent. PM: spent at beach. Are sleeping in a big blue camper bus. Is infested with Cockroaches! YUK!! EASTER SUNDAY