party – Page 4 – A Life in Words

A Flat Tyre, Mistaken Identity & the First Kiss (25-31 August)

Published on August 25, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 25/8/86

Was average day. Rumours spread about Fi, Monique & I smoking at the party. I told everyone I wasn’t. (But the others were) Bludge in triple art – Ms Marsland was away. Funny in chemistry. I used a tap and the pressure (air block or something caused a ‘reaction’ in my measuring cylinder – I dropped everything & had a heart attack!! I was shaking so badly!! It was bloody hilarious. Also saw little of Mark ie: at big lunch didn’t see him but he came to school early today & was wearing a blue shirt! […and the significance of that is? I can only assume that I might’ve been wearing the same colour…and being occasionally prone to superstitious notions, this could have represented an ‘omen’!] On the way home on the bus, we had a blow out, bloody scary too!!! Big explosion sound. Dust flew in the windows! But after long delay we kept going with the flat tyre. [Really? I’m not really au fait with automotive stuff but I thought that was a seriously bad thing to do?] And tonight I answered the phone. Some chic Alison reckons she cleans nana’s flat and I thought it was Sharon – I played along “Alright Sharon” getting a bit bored “cut the crap. What do you want?” “Can I speak to your mother?” I obliged. Mum said “Oh, Alison, Hi!!” SHIT! I was so embarrassed!!!! FUNNEE!! SHAME. SKINTED SEVERELY. Said Hi to Mark & Steven (Steven mainly) & he did nothing Ha. I made another effort

[The diary had ‘Week 35’ printed near the date and I did a calculation (see pic) to ascertain how many weeks were left in the year. Seems to have elicited a response that’s hard to decipher.]

Tuesday 26/8/86

Very boring day. Actually not! In Bio, had our test – I forgot all about it but – it was easy – I passed, no sweat (But how good did I do? . . .) Ms Marsland wants 30hrs now, due Friday SHIT! Maths boring. At big lunch Fi, mima & Sharon & I rode to town. Ordered a bouquet of flowers for Monique & went to woolies. Pigged out. Were very late. 20 mins into 6th period we rode back … Becca G, Judy, Donna & Sandie were walking. Mr Stodford .. Oh no! we didn’t get revved but Becca & Co did… Ms Marsland let me off the hook, but not the others! (Nah, she just “talked” to them) Standing with Fi at bike racks = Lynette C was talking with Mark. We stood there too!!! Finally walked off! Then saw him as we stopped to pump up my tyres. He said something to mima – we didn’t hear it tho. Hunk! Bought, in town, mima’s prezzy: TRUE BLUE record by Madonna. I was taping it & found it buckled on side 2. [Hilarious! Buy a gift for someone else but make sure it serves your own purposes first!!] Did no HW. 9:15 Got mim’s swatch re swapped also M. Mouse watch working again.

A Life in Words — I still have the Mickey Mouse watch…minus the casing & band. Hoping to one day get it remodelled by a watchmaker…

Wednesday 27/8/86

Again he talked; to Lynette C. & Fi was with them, we were waiting for her (at a distance) to ride to swimming. Mima came ½ way thru’: Brent was talking to a Yr 9 girl & been ignoring her all day; was really upset. We rode back to near service stn diagonally acoss from school oval & waited ages for Adam G, & Benji (we rode with them to school today) I thought Mark would’ve gone; but no- he came & mima reckons “let’s give him the fingers” so she did & he stopped & came & talked!! (Didn’t look at me once – shy!!! I hope???) Got home late. Bugared at speech (before we raced into town to check Madonna record – was just our record needle – too old – record’s not buckled at all.) Asked Fi; she said mima really wants that record great huh? And she doesn’t think any one else got it 4 her. Tired; did little HW (only Chem) wrote (sad) note to mima for her birthday. Busy day. Fun 4 mime tomorrow. Monique was really embarrassed this morning, EVERYONE sang H. B’day!! & hung signs!! Wonder what she thort of our flowers

Thursday 28/8/86

I think I’d better give up on Mark. He had the biggest fight with Tricia today and so many people have said that he’s with Nicole C now (they kissed etc) BITCH. She’s got what she wants. And Mark. FUCKING PRICK. He is gutless and a bastard. [Upset much?] Mima’s B’day. I gave her my note after I got off the bus. She rang & invited me up; Fi read it and got teary (!!) Had B’day Cake & we (mim & I) went to Earlville. Mark was there (with his family skint – was dressed dag YUK) and saw Ben & Richard, Justine, Sharon, Steven B. and some others. FUCKING BASTARD I wish I could talk to Cameron – but he’s the biggest snob. How can I trust the dumb bastard? If he likes me, why does he do this? Is he so dumb that he thinks it won’t affect me? HE IS DUMB. A big sucker. EGOmanic, sorry-for-himself [?], BASTARD. I wish I could be a bitch to him. I wish he’d crawl to me. [hilarious!] BASTARD. [Yeah, I reckon pretty upset…] 9:55

Friday 29/8/86

I am so bloody confused. And upset. I don’t know anything: does he like me or not? Judy said he’s not going out with Nicole cos she asked her. Well, so what? [Maybe I hadn’t heard of ‘casual sex’ at that stage?] I still don’t know what happened Wednesday night … monique said they were kissing … Judy said they weren’t. I wish I didn’t have to, but I think Monique is the one to be believed. She would not lie about that to me. [After all, she eventually became my best friend] Bastard. God I like him so much. Why is he such a bastard? The bad thing is I can’t talk to anyone about it; they don’t understand or don’t want to listen. [Groundwork laid for future Depression? Not talking to people because you think they won’t understand, don’t want to listen AND you don’t want to ‘burden’ them with your ‘Stuff’ anyway?] I am so upset. Party Saturday night. This could be the decider. Oh, I’m so scared & upset & anxious… caught bus into town – julia, fi & I looked for clothes. Julia got a white skirt. Fi got white pants on lay-by. And me? Nothing. What’ll I wear tomorrow night? SHIT. No HW this arvy. Do it all 2morrow.. 9:30. Sleep!!!!!

Saturday 30/8/86

I did my Bio & attempted my Chem & Maths. My english assignment I did not “further”. The day went rather slowly. At about 5:30 I started to get ready. I had eaten lot of junk today! Finally, we left, picked up Fi & got to GREASE. [It was the final performance so the after-party was expected to be big] there were so many familiar faces around! (ie: I knew so many people) It was excellent. Mark was cool. After it, I was informed secretly that Nicole & Him had a big juicy kiss in dressing room. Went to party after ceremonial congratulating and thanking those involved etc. The Party was boring. There were heaps of people; but I was bored. Nicole & Him were together; I was depressed & upset. Judy (after my cry on her shoulder) eventually talked to him after Nicole left, just before everyone migrated to Crocodile Rock (Terry was after Fi) We got there in a cab with Tanya C, Sharon, Fi & I (Judy said Mark didn’t know I liked him so much & he felt really terrible) Croc Rock was excellent; I kept my eye on Mark. [Here I crossed over to the next (Sunday’s) page…]

Sunday 31/8/86

… He danced with Sharon, me with Cameron & Fi with Terry. We danced & danced. After a drink & socialise, danced again (Mark with Fi this time) then again him with Trish & me & cameron. they were dancing really ‘sexy’-ily [by this I think I mean ‘Dirty Dancing’ style…] & kissed now & then… I kept a smile pasted on my face!! Then, after another rest, Mark asked me. I was shy at first (he’s an excellent dancer) he looked at me all the time. Soon I looked at him too. And loosened up dancing. Our faces came really close & I was nervous. We danced for ages then Trish cut in (jealous?) they disappeared & I sat with Cameron. Then back again & we danced again. This time I wasn’t so nervous…we kissed.. we danced & kissed & danced & kissed & kissed it was BLISS Mima & Steven were nearby together! too! we danced & kissed so much. The last dance was True Colours Cyndi Lauper’s new one. We danced slow, close & kissed. I’M IN LOVE!! [Oh my.. *facepalm!] Then we had to wait for a taxi …meanwhile watched a black woman being butch!! At Fi’s at 5:45, mima walked home; Mark, Steven, me Fi & Sharon spent time in Fi’s resting talking laughing; doing nothing. he was so nice to start with then he started getting a bit vicious – pinching my cheeks → It hurt! After that we didn’t talk much. (I am so tired) Got no sleep! Went to mima’s after Sharon left. Guys swam then we all rested – Mark & I slept, mim & Steven? & Fi? (I was asleep!) Walked home. “Sad” to go (??) [Really? After having your face tortured?] See him tomorrow Great. Did nothing at home. Have 2 eng. assign’s to do + art. Is 7:30 now. night!!

Sweaty Armpits, More Photography & the Scary ‘Lost’ Drunk (18-24 August)

Published on August 18, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 18/8/86

Nothing else on my mind. I am really sad. Monique said today that Cameron, Him, Seigi S & Nicole C were walking past her place on Saturday night. (They were going to rock her roof, Cameron told her at rehearsals yesterday) Cameron is the biggest snob. He actually sat next to me today in Chem. but didn’t say much. And Mark . . oh! I could cry thinking about him. Why? I think he dropped Tricia today … they didn’t say goodbye to each other this arvy. I haven’t the courage to look at him. I think he hates me. He can’t. I don’t want him to… there must be more parties [like they are the answer to Everything?] (Angie’s next one . . when will it be? After the musical she said, today.) Fuckin’ sweaty I get in my armpits during the day – Dunno why but it’s bloody embarrassing. 9:13. Did no HW. Can’t get motivated. Oh, Mark…

Tuesday 19/8/86

Guess What? It happened. It was bound to. I got my periods tonight. And I have swimming tomorrow! Oh, why couldn’t they have come just one day later? SHIT. Alright day. Saw a bit more of Mark than I’ve ever seen this (or last) week. And, riding home, mima told me how she was talking to him about Tricia. He reckons they’re not “going out” just “hanging around”. And now they’re “fighting a lot lately, not getting on.” Tricia was stoned in art this arvy. Laughed a bit today, too! In fact, laughed quite a lot. Good tho’, maybe that’s all I can do (seeing as I can’t cry over Mark – tho I’ve tried to [you’ve TRIED to?]) I am really worried. Nicole, I see, is almost everywhere, hanging around near Mark. Also mima told me (cos Sharon was in a real mood today) how she was bitching about Mark liking me. “She would[n’t] leave us alone at Angie’s party – he had his arm around me.” 10:15 late: did some HW!!! Gotta do english especially love art at the moment. Hurry up and finish, musical, so Angie’s party can be on!

Wednesday 20/8/86

I didn’t swim, but I went. It was boring. Saw very little of Mark – all of the kids involved in the musical went after 4th period to get ready for their matinee showing. We’d just had art (Mark & Steven mustn’t have gone cos) we were on our way to biology (Donna & I) and Steven looked at me (cos I was looking at them) so I said “Good Luck!” Mark didn’t look at us, but was sort of smiling, looking ahead. Wowee. I made an attempt. But after swimming, when we rode back to “pick up” mima, I saw Mark at the far end of Croswell Hall (waiting to be picked up, I guess) & Nicole was there talking to him. But he was looking in our direction. I kept looking at him too. Wonder if he knew I was looking at him? Wonder if he was looking at me? Oh well. 9:30. Another late night. NO HW done. Sharon’s a bitch. . . she’s so two-faced. About Mark – I couldn’t believe that…….. Riding again tomorrow wo!!

Thursday 21/8/86

Alright. Looked at mark a fair bit, and he caught me, too. In biology, I kept looking at him, even when he’d glanced at me and after school, walking up to the bus stop with Fi [uh, so you didn’t ride to school after all?], I saw him riding off and he was looking at me and I kept looking at him. I hope he gets the message that I do like him. [Because guys are SO good at picking up on subtleties, Liss. And staring at someone all the time could ‘never’ be considered creepy, could it?!] Cause there’s a party after Grease this saturday & another one after Grease on the last Saturday night. And I want him to know I like him so he’ll talk to me & not avoid me. Cos Nicole will also be there. And she really likes Mark a lot. Monique said she’s ‘after him’. He’s being a flirt. Then, after Grease, there’s Angie’s party: 3 in a row! Let’s hope something develops!!! I want him. In art I heard Trish, Michelle, Astia & Neville talking. Trish was saying how the first 2-3 weeks were beautiful but now; ” Yes she was talking about him. Looks ‘over’ for them. BEWARE OF NICOLE C. She’s everywhere he is. 9:50. Didn’t ride today. Also did no HW! Bad periods – was lucky tho.

Friday 22/8/86

Mark, my dreamboat!!! Nothing really happened – Yes it did! At lunch time, I was sitting with Donna, Sandie, Moni, Chris & David and Cameron & Mark were hanging ’round … Judy came along with the camera. Cameron got hold of it and kept focussing on me; Judy pulled me away a little while later and said “I sprung (heard) Mark say to Cameron when he got the camera, ‘Get a photo of elissa, for me please.'” WO!! The rest of the lunch hour, they were all hanging round. It was great. But then after school, Nicole was around. Petra & Judy told me how she absolutely hangs off him in rehearsals etc and even dresses with him. BITCH. This party this Sat. night is gonna be ace!! There are 2; I’m going to both; mima, fi, megan, me, sharon, Liam & his friend are gonna be real hoods; drivin’ round in cars getting pissed!! [Yeah, great idea. I really hope the assumption was that the drivers were excluded from the intoxication] And Mark… wo! I can’t wait!!! 10:00. Mum’s at the pub with the Fishers. I am excited about tomorrow night. CAN NOT WAIT (for mark!!)

Saturday 23/8/86

Wendy F woke me at 1:30. “Mum’s sick and a bit upset…” She was drunk, totally off her face. they’d bought her home; she was sick. I said goodbye to them locked up & lay with her. Julia came in. And a drunk man appeared at the windows “Who the fuck are you?” [I spoke, Julia is more a ‘paralyzed-with-fear’ type of individual] “I’m lost” “Go away.” [We both remember this incident vividly: the Fear. Being ‘stalked’ (or, witnessing an adult male figure ‘casing’ your home) is terrifying, especially when your ‘protector’ (Mum) is completely unconscious…] Mum said it was probably Terry S – but wendy said this morning he was driven home. [The thing is, he lived in the very near vicinity so could easily have walked back to our house after being dropped off. Despite being ‘blotto’ I can’t see a reason for Mum to randomly name a male neighbour with whom she never appeared to have had anything to do with in the past.] It was really scary. Today I did my HW, and got really hyped up about tonight Finally I started to get ready (I’d made so many phone calls during the day) We went with Fi. IT [the musical] WAS EXCELLENT.

All were bloody fantastic (mark spunky – Julia & Cherie reckon he was looking at me all the time) while dancing. After saw him in dressing room But that was it. He didn’t go to the party. We went to Benji’s, but was boring so we (Megan, Moni, Sharon, Mima, Fi & me) walked to Mik’s at Stratford. It was fucking boring. Sharon & I left at 2:30. Fi & Moni didn’t stay at my place. Mark why didn’t you go? Bugar. Mima told me that on Fri nite she asked M “who do you like?” “Don’t know, Why?” “I’m doing some spying for a friend” “Who?” “elissa” “she doesn’t like me does she?” “I don’t know about that” “Really?” He really thought I didn’t like him after all.

Sunday 24/8/86

Woke at 8:30. Am so tired. Sharon left around 11:00, then mima rode over. We talked and everything and laughed with Cherie, Julia and Petra. Did ‘nothing’. Went to the shop. Bought junk while mum bought hot chips for lunch. PIGGED OUT SEVERELY. Mima left later; She was so tired. We lazed around talking, reading. Then watched TV, dropped Petra & Cherie home. Now it’s 7:10. I’m gonna have my shower & go to bed. Take 40’s on, pity I’ll miss it… too tired. Did not even start one english assignment SHIT. That party was so boring most people left; went home or to Crocodile Rock. Everyone was smoking except me No drink there. Oh Mark, I want you. Mima & Petra telling me how she Nicole flashes all over the place when she’s changing in front of him (they reckon Cameron looks away & Mark gets embarrassed) Mima’s back with Brent. too she told me today he didn’t come cos he had baseball finals today. I’m friggin’ tired. Next week will be excellent. Seeing Mark at school and mima’s & moni’s birthdays & Grease final & the party.

Talking Heads, Don Quixote & Cookaburra’s Corner (16-22 June)

Published on June 16, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 16/6/86

Woke a little later today… about 8:00 These late nights really make me tired. Today we went to the beach. I can’t believe how long this ‘stint’ is continuing [the continuous sleepovers: in the past our parents (collectively) hadn’t ever allowed this many consecutive sleepovers] Mima & Monique are staying tonight too. Mrs B drove us into the Gumtree Corner (after we’d cleaned up etc) where we caught the Northern Beaches bus to Trinity Beach. It was excellent. We sunbaked, swam (very little) and occasionally went to the shop to pig out [that i, stuff ourselves with rubbish]. Tim S was there with Gary & Chris C, Jason M, Rachel D & some others. He’s a reject [noun, negative connotation] (tried to get mima’s phone number…) went back to mima’s (caught bus to “Talking Heads” [one of the trendiest hair salons in Cairns at the time]) mima packed and Mrs B dropped us here. We got ready (& mucked around) then went to the Eisteddfod. Marge got 2nd hers was better tho, I think. Otherwise it was bloody boring. After we were to meant to catch a taxi home, but we all (M& H too) walked around looking for a cafe; were followed [?? by whom? what? I don’t know what I meant here] but soon found Don Quixote Really neat. Got home by taxi – just enough money. SUNBURN!! ouch

Tuesday 17/6/86

Woke rather early again. The beds I made up were bloody uncomfortable and slept badly. Today, Sharon rang. mima & monique went home around 10:30 the time sharon was going to come. Thank god she came after they went (I’d told her a stack of lies about what I’d been doing “lately”; she’s bitching about mima & monique especially) Anyway, we played monopoly rather boring and dragged out (esp. cos I lost) then ate big scrumptious lunch and went to shop to pig out. Sharon rode home around 2:00 (athletics training) I lazed round at home. Rang mima and she said we couldn’t really meet Lucy at the airport so around 5:00 Mrs B dropped us at Monique’s. Beautiful house and really great parents!! [Although I didn’t realise it at the time, this was the inception of a new and very special friendship for me. In the coming months, Monique & I became, as her parents even put it, “inseparable”. She was the first ‘best friend’ I’d since early primary school. My very own best friend, so I no longer felt I was playing ‘third wheel’ to Jemima and Fiona] Walked to vid. shop convinced monique not to get a horror [movie]. Another lateish nite again. Shit. I’m worn out! Has definitely not been boring Hols so far!!!

Wednesday 18/6/86

Woke fairly early (about 7:00) Boy was it good to sleep in a bed on my own for once!! We lazed round, reading etc and got ready to go to Earlville after bacon & eggs brekky. Almost got eyeshadows there, but couldn’t decide between 3 sets. After, went to town (mima was shopping for clothes for Japan) met Brent. Dropped monique home & my stuff home. Got out at Lucy’s; mim, Brent, me, Lucy & Beka walked up to mima’s and watched a video. Initially it was strange seeing Lucy again; didn’t know what to say! But was good – told her about Mark!! (she seemed “pleased” enough) Walked home. (Mum’s been sick – but is on the road to recovery and I think I have caught Julia’s cold) Fi came shopping today but stuck close to polly in fact did everything with polly. mima actually talked to me ’bout it on the way to her place (when no one else was there) she said what a bitch fiona was today [only words of hurt]. I’m thinking Jemima’s not so fussed on Fi anymore. [Just a phase. Teenaged girls!!] Clues (??) that she likes me more?? (than before) things like “Mark and Brent are good friends….” [which I don’t think was the case]

Thursday 19/6/86

Slept badly last night. Woke up all the time – throat extremely sore. Not quite as and now, but it’s definite that I have a cold. You can always tell – I start off with mucus→ sore throat from sucking it back → nasal congestion or “runniness”→ (perhaps) a cough. Woe is me! Sharon came round quite late this morning. We played monopoly again, had lunch then both had to relax. Sharon was sick (said she’d caught wog off boy over the road: they trained together) So we drove her home a lot later. Poor thing -she was quite pale. Wondering what Jemima did today was going to ring her, but never got round to it → also had sore (still have) throat so not easy to talk. wonder if she’s talking with Fi again. Also wondered [1] what Lucy did today, [2] when I’ll get my haircut, [and 3, when I’ll] go raging with Lucy & everyone etc 9:39 Uhoh! mucus again. Please God no!! When will I go to work?

Friday 20/6/86

Well, the sore throat is no more → now comes the nasal congestion and ‘tightness’ in the throat→ tendency to cough which makes me talk funny. (my voice that is) [Some – in fact many – would say I talk funny anyway. Now. I have a ‘distinctive’ (nasally) voice, I believe.] Today was my first really boring day of the holidays. Yes, I finally resorted to watching TV. Played cards with Julia. Looked at magazines Did everything “trivial” and totally boring. But, while cleaning (dusting) my furniture this arvy Lucy called and around 6:15 we went to dinner at Cookaburra’s Corner -new restaurant was alright→ fairly expensive. Had entree and main; couldn’t eat more so left early. Went back to Lucy’s for 1½hrs. Talked’n’watched TV. Cold seems to be getting better! (??) Julia almost went to court today about Jenny’s car crash last year. [?? I don’t remember anything about this either] She was a witness. 11:22. Wanna go out and rage. Gonna work tomorrow! 1st time in about 4 weeks!! UMAH!!!!

Saturday 21/6/86

Work! Yes! I worked! Believe it or not. I got there early but didn’t start work until 11:00 or so cos’ I spent time playing computer games on Dad’s new computer. Got $20 for (approx.) 5 hours work. And after; got home around 6:30 mum had gone with Geoff to the Clarkes for dinner (and Julia was gonna spend the night at dad’s) I rang Lucy she and Beka walked over & I grabbed some gear to stay the night after ringing mum about it. Went to Mr W’s girlfriend’s house for dinner then went straight to sleep once at ‘home’! Played a lot of cards!!

Sunday 22/6/86

Woke rather late (think I got almost 8-9hrs sleep!!) We had late brekky and just played cards’n’watched TV. I left just after 1:00 after we’d been to the shop (!!) Got ready for beach party back at home. (I ended up being too dressed up and split my white skirt→ so I borrowed Erica’s denim shorts) Was alright. Lotsa ‘couples’ – was depressing. But the fire and moon kept me dreaming. [You know the trance you can fall into when fire- or moon- gazing?] One time, Steven told Polly to say “Elissa, how’s Mark?” I said “who?” “Mark” “Mark who?” and Steven said “Good one Polly!” What does that mean? [I think it means you were being baited Liss] Does Steven know I like Mark or Mark likes me? How embarrassing. that got me wondering. I thought mark didn’t want anyone to know. Late nite after all. about 11:30. Maybe Mark told Steven at the dance maybe mark does want everyone to know [oh so innocent….naive!]

Grease Auditions & A Miniature Rose (5-11 May)

Published on May 5, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 5/5/86

9:25. Gotta get some sleep tonight. Have had late nights very night this weekend. Green Island was not really fantastic. The only ones who turned up were me, Sharon, Fi, Joannah, Michelle W & a girl from CHS – Tracy. Was quite boing. Perfect weather except a bit choppy which meant the water was “cool” Justine was there – doing scuba diving lessons. We talked a fair while with her (Fi & me) We swam, sunbaked, walked, ate and jumped off the jetty (it’s illegal now, though) Pity. It’s unreal fun. I’m so tired. Wonder if we’re riding tomorrow. I forgot to ring up mima about it. Sharon told me last night that [I’m omitting the name here for privacy reasons] ‘s not a virgin – I don’t know whether to believe her or not. It’s “strange” to think about.

Tuesday 6/5/86

Steven talks to us (Fi, Sharon & me) quite a lot (He did today at Big lunch) I wish Mark would come over. He must be either shy or hate our guts. I don’t think, somehow, that it would be the latter. I hope not, anyway. I ate a fair bit this arvy and did little HW. Rang fi & mima – said they weren’t going to ride but they weren’t on the bus. (Jemima rang fi later & said she would miss the bus cos’ she wouldn’t be ready in time, so they rode: left at 8:15.) I spent before school in the library with Sharon. Is 9:35. Wanna sleep & dream. I dreamt last night that I had a party & every (even people I didn’t know) turned up except Mark – I was “waiting” for him. Windy cool. Sharon gave me a miniature rose this morning. I kept it all day till it started to die so I gave it to Ngaire R. [Er, that’s not very appropriate, Liss]

Wednesday 7/5/86

I auditioned [for the school musical, which was to be ‘Grease’]!! At speech, mima’s worries got me excited & I decided I had to go, at least to give her moral support, if not to try out. After much ‘inner-brain argument” [Oh, THAT stuff. That happens all the time in my head], I had to go. And fared better than some others, if I say so myself. [This is strange – I don’t recall doing very well at all. In fact I thought my atrocious singing had knocked me out of contention pretty much immediately] Boring school day otherwise (cos’ I hate Wednesdays – everyone (mostly Mark) leaves the school grounds.) I wonder what activity he does? Am hot. Is 10:26. Last night I had a dream that Alan (guy at school) was going with me to a party, but Fi took him away – coincidence: today mima was showing him to her. Also I dreamt Fi took off on her bike & left me. Mim & her almost were going to grab a bike and go to Kentucky fried in town (probably leaving me) Hot. am I now It isn’t usually [hot] in the day[time].

Thursday 8/5/86

Back Seat again! This time, the bus was more full. Didn’t bleed much today. […in case you were wondering…!] If it’s the same tomorrow (hopefully – please!) I can go swimming at the Cascades on our Bio excursion. Had more auditions at lunchtime today. Mima & lotsa others were sent out. I got to read Marty again, but I don’t think I was too good. I wish….!! Cheery kind of day – felt happy cos everyone especially Joannah & Tricia & Angie are being so nice to me. Drool over Mark like I do every day. I’m coming to terms with the fact that he’s out of my reach. Totally. And I think he likes Angela J, anyway. 9:50. Young Ones & the D Generation were’t so funny today. Intereference in Young Ones→ station troubles. [I think Cairns still had only two TV channels back then: the ABC and whichever commercial station the local provider FNQ10 was aligned with at the time. So we always had ‘Aunty’] Am tired. So there! So much HW didn’t get ½ done!!

Friday 9/5/86

My neck’s out. – has been all day. At first I thought it was just sore muscles all across my upper back & shoulders, but after a hot shower there was no difference. It’s still sore now. The excursion was pretty good! Mark didn’t talk to me at all, though Dwain – his partner, did. He took temp. measure for me, tho (didn’t talk, tho) and, there was one time when (for a while) he had his mirror sunglasses on, sitting on ‘high’ rocks. My idea being that he was looking at me (his head was turned my way but he must have figured that, being mirror glasses, no one could see exactly who he was looking at) ME? I hope! Told I was invited to Terry’s party. Would like to go cos Mark’ll be there, but hardly anyone’s going (girls, that is) Is 11:10 work 2morrow. Lotsa HW this weekend. Work tomorrow→ apparently Julia & I will hafta go to town & buy mum a mum’s day prezzy.

Saturday 10/5/86

‘So near and yet so far’. That’s what they say, isn’t it? There are all the (well, most, or… at least some of) signs that he likes me. He sat near me, looked at me (I sprung him sometimes (?)) and even came up to talk to me, but ___ Angela J had to come sooner or later. And it was always sooner. Soon “everyone” would be there & Angie (drunk) kissing Mark. I left & he even said ‘you can come back now’ (he wanted me to) But I (stupid, dumb, shy bitch) said no – so he went into the campavan with Angie & I didn’t see him again. [I had written about the party in another notebook in much more detail: describing how at one stage he was sitting quite close to me when Angie “came up and sat, spread-eagled, on his lap…kissing him, full-on, in front of me” which sent me packing but at a later point, he approached me as I stood solo leaning against a car. In no time however, a couple of other guys rocked up (one with a knife in his possession, which scared me) as well as Angie “kissing full-on, in front of me, again”. So I again made an escape – to a darker, more out-of-the-way place but he found me and told me (with regard to the knife-wielder) it was safe, I “could come back now”. But “thinking of Angie & him…wanting to save myself the discomfort…and hoping he’d stay with me” I declined and sat alone in the dark for awhile.] I should have talked to him more & perhaps suggested we go for a walk. Sure he likes me. WHY can’t I react?? I earned $19 at work, cos went shopping with Jenny beforehand (saw MW) & got M’s Day Prezzy – flannel sheets. Is 12:13. Am so depressed & hating myself (& Angie J) more & more.

[And in the ‘Notes’ section, just underneath my lamentation on 3 May, “longing” for a party, I’d answered myself with this:]

Hey yes Terry C did (10th) and the results? well go back to the 10th & find out (This silly little diary! I must get a bigger one next year – so I can write more about how I feel etc)

Sunday 11/5/86

Expected minimum tonight will be 19ºC!! Hooray!! Today, I spent all day on my art picture. So that means I haven’t done my english assignment or my Biology HW (& some maths) Too bad!! Sharon rang in the morning. We talked. (her problem with Terry & mine with Mark) She thinks he might have been trying to make me jealous. & that’s what I thought. [Ah…. no.] Hoped. I’ll just convince myself that he doesn’t like me – to be on the safe side (instead of getting my hopes up) & try and become good friends with him. Try is the key word. I woke at 6:30. So I got about 5hrs sleep last night. And it’s 10 past 11 now; Another late nite!! SHIT! Didn’t make mum brekky this morning. Felt terrible. [Mum was always an early riser, so it was often difficult to get her breakfast in bed anyway. Not that I am making an excuse!] In fact did next to NOTHING. All these people who rang up & said they’d made their mums brekky in bed (including Anthony W [my stepbrother-to-be]: yes!) made me feel terrible cos I didn’t. R.S. [Ratshit] Day!!

Falling in Love on a Trampoline (10-16 March)

Published on March 10, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 10/3/86

Julia is sick. Soon as she got home from school – she was talking irrelevantly [?!], crying, dizzy head-ache and after, (almost) continual vomiting. [Unfortunately, I fail to disclose what was wrong with her, so we’ll collectively never know] Mum took her to the dr’s in Geoff’s car around 8:00 tonight. Got little HW. Did most of it. Got letter from Fran. Wanted to write back to her (& Delanie) but didn’t have time. Is 9:40 now. I am not very tired, but must get sleep for tomorrow. Am excited, in a way (at least Donna & Mark W.* will be there (*I hope)) “Boringest” day I think I’ve ever spent at CH. except that in triple art (& little lunch) we watched “The Breakfast Club” – unreal, excellent, tops! And Neville & I talked on our way home off the bus this arvy. WOW!! My teeth are sore. (Only gamming) [Okay: why I would be ‘gamming’ about sore teeth, I can’t fathom, but for those who are wondering what the hell I man by ‘gamming’, it was local slang for “just kidding”] Have a breakout of tiny pimples all over my chin & round my nose & mouth. Not ordinary pimples – like rash lumps. YUKKY. [That’d be Rosacea. I had it on and off for years, but since I really cleaned up my diet, it has completely disappeared.]

Tuesday 11/3/86

Weather was fair for a fair day. Not exciting – but not boring, either. Is 9:30. Am quite tired – not looking forward to Thurs. or tomorrow, for that matter: I was skinted badly today → we were talking about who we liked (Donna, Angie, Maureen & I) and I said “Steven B…” and Mark W was sitting nearby. SHAME Then I indicated him & I think Angie told him later. [Uh-oh…] She was flirting with him all day. Otherwise – I LOVED SNORKELLING!! It’s fantastic! I even touched some coral!! I think the only time I’ll ever be afraid of the stuff again, is when I have no goggles or flippers. [Wow, I don’t recall having a coral ‘phobia’. But clearly it wasn’t quite resolved, since I’d still need snorkelling paraphernalia in order to find my courage.] Otherwise – I’d live in it!! Nah!! I just realised another favourite Pastime!! SNORKELLING RULES!! Not burnt! Believe it? You better! I’m a bit hot now. Got chaffing. And I don’t think Mark W likes me much.

Wednesday 12/3/86

Boring day. Boring. Boring. Boring. I forgot I had speech → was 30mins late. Had some of the remaining birthday cake from Mrs Marsland’s party yesterday. The mock cream I actually liked. [urgh, really?] Think Steven knows. Am sure of it. Then again, could be my imagination, huh?? So. I haven’t much to say. Except that I missed out on 9 sections of work in maths yesterday and our “prick” teacher only bothered to revise the last 6. So I know nothing. But the main reason for my “boredom” is the fact that almost everyone is going to Fitzroy tomorrow (& they’re gonna have a bigger rage cos it’s Heather & Marg’s birthday & they are gonna have a mini-party. And of course I’ll miss out. Life is dull. It’s 10:42. I am dog-tired. Am allowed to go to Sat. night party. [I love how I keep opening brackets and not closing them…because I’ve clearly forgotten – like a goldfish – that I had opened them in the first place.]

Thursday 13/3/86

Boring! That’s what today was. But I did survive having Mima & Fiona not there. I hated lunch time & before & after school & on the bus, the most. I didn’t really enjoy hanging around Donna (no one else would’ve hung round me) so I enjoyed her company anyway. [USER!!!] Did very little work today. Very little homework, too. But this weekend, I must get all of it done on Friday arvy, so I can do a bit of work on Saturday morning, then catch the train to Kuranda at 3:00 [where the party was being held; one of Cairns’ tourist attractions is the original train ride up there, so it made sense for parents to let us take it, rather than drive up the mountain range], go to the party and sleep in Sunday. Sunday arvy – assignments definitely. Angie is a bitch. [Here we go…. JEALOUSY is a bitch!] She’s flirting so much with Mark. Sat with him in Bio today. I think (hope) Maureen’s cheesed off with Angie. She’s a tart. I think she’s trying to make me jealous. [IF that was the case…. SUCCESS!] Is 9:50

Friday 14/3/86

I am tired. It’s 1:20. We’ve just come from a party (a Hash party) and, yes, dad was there too. It’s quite cool (Has been for a while) Carol B lent me 2 pr’s of Dean’s old flannelette PJ’s for the party. Don’t wanna use ’em but looks like I’ll hafta. [T’was to be a pyjama party…obviously. But I’m fairly sure I didn’t wear the flannels after all – it would’ve been way too hot. From memory I might’ve worn a pair of my ‘home-made’ (by mum) shorts, that could’ve passed as boxers.] Walked down to Limberlost Nursery with mum this arvy. Man gave us 20 specimens (or 16, at least) + all their names & I pressed 17 at home. That’s (almost) one assign. down – 2 (english) to go. So I did not get any set HW done. Am excited about party – will [be] tops – a rage, man! On the train, too! And dad said he’d drop me home early from work, if necessary. So I can work too. Fantastic!!!!! Am pooped. My eye-lids are lead. I’m bugared. tho’ I got about 1hrs sleep at the [Hash] party.

Saturday 15/3/86

My room’s been changed around and, Jeez, it’s different! I definitely love Mark W. He is the best! [Here we go…] I made friends with a lot more of the guys tonight (including him) but I think Sharon likes him too. He’s a spunk, he’s funny, he’s nice, he’s lovable. Angie is so jealous, too. [Really?] Sharon, him & I (mainly) spent a lot of time together sitting on the trampoline singing songs. He’s fantastic. And I hope he remains friendly even when he is sober. [!!!] Cos, to me, he’s special (but something strange tells me not to bother (he’s taken or likes someone else, etc)) [It’s called “Gut Instinct”, Liss. You’ll learn to follow it, One Day…] (I earned $16.25 at work today – almost missed the train) He came and sat next to me on the train too. I think he likes me – but it’s probably just my IMAGINATION (again) It’s 12:45. I’m exhausted. Mark W – is the only thing on my mind. Kissed me – not proper tho just a kiss on lips! [So this was it. As close to an ‘official date’ as one can get, to falling for a ‘First Love’. Note: I didn’t say TRUE Love!]

Sunday 16/3/86

Couldn’t stop thinking about last night → Mark & the stupid things I said. Mark, oh, Mark, I wish you liked me. A lot. Very much → nuts about me. I woke at 9:30. I couldn’t believe it myself!! over 8hrs sleep! Today I did work for my Bio assignment. Stupid, huh? It’s not even definitely due Tues. And english is due tomorrow And I HAVEN’T STARTED. I’M DEAD. I’ll hafta wake early & write something crappy I SWEAR, over Easter break I will do at least 2 assignments. I’m so glad I went to that party – I made friends (got to know people better) esp. Mark, Keith, Ann Marie, Heather, Tarquin, Tricia mostly Mark (& Keith I s’pose) Is 8:40 early nite please! Fixed my room properly today → heaps more room!

Boys, Boys, Boys & ….Prunes (24 February-2 March)

Published on February 24, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 24/2/86

Sooooo tired today. Everyone (well, y’know what I mean) liked my hair. Heather loved it. (Dunno if she was for real though – can never tell.) She said it was gorgeous. Melinda B’s party was…… okay. Not bad, Not excellent either. But was good entertainment (heaps of yummy junk food!!) Dropped Brent home as well as Fi & Mima tonight. Julia said “What a spunk!” As soon as we left his place. SKINT! Mima blushed really bad!! (So she said!!) Then later, Julia said, “Elissa likes Steven B.” Thanks, pisshead. Fiona questioned it (of course) Excellent excuse that I’d told her that I thought he & all these other guys were spunky. Hope she swallowed it. It’s true, though – I do like S.B.!! SOOOO HOT today! HOT! HOT! HOT! Is 8:56. Riding 2morrow wake early to do HW!!

Tuesday 25/2/86

Today…Today, um… we rode again. Yes, it was overcast, but still quite hot & on my way home, I beat all the CH buses and Julia beat me by about 1 min. she said (saw Adrienne – said Hi) My stomach is pretty bloated, too. I think I’m due for periods soon – tomorrow, actually. OH!! SHIT. Generally – plain day. Maths was good (I love it) Cameron McK must have a permanent grin – I can’t help but smile & laugh when he says something. He’s so nice. But Steven, well, I think he’s a spunk, but I dunno if I like him much anymore. People say he likes Michelle W, anyway. They also tell bad things about him. [I can’t recall what these were…] Pity. Did no HW tonight too tired. For art, are planning to go to Brissy (& Gold Coast etc) for holidays – the CAD group [like, an art excursion]. unreal, huh?!! Is 8:50 I think people these days (especially young kids) swear a lot more but think nothing of it. [Well isn’t this funny? If I was ‘shocked’ by language back then, imagine my horror now? I actually think that the act of swearing is becoming obsolete, because it is so commonplace.]

Wednesday 26/2/86

It’s a real pity about Steven. He’s SO SPUNKY, but everyone says how much of a bastard he is. [Again, not sure, but I think it related to using girls for ‘one thing’…] PITY. Speech was boring, but after, mima, fi & I talked for over ½hour, before I rode home. Must wake early to do the rest of my HW. Only got ½ maths done!! Have heaps left, too. Also riding tomorrow. It’s 8:50. Gotta get some sleep. Was so tired today ……bad!! Boy trouble – that must be all I think about these days. I’m so lonely. Brent rang tonight to ask me if I’d take my Chem. test results tomorrow. Yes. I would. I’d hoped there’d be something about a spunk who liked me, I got it on the brain, huh?!! Bugared. Time’s going so fast now. Almost 3rd month. [March, that is] mum’s at a tupperware party. I must get to sleep soon as possible.

Thursday 27/2/86

It’s 9:30. I’m hot & sticky. Have just been late-nite shopping with mima & fiona at Earlville. Fi bought a swatch, mima bought some leotards, but the rings were too expensive for me. DAMN. Angie J likes Steven B. Mima & Brent are setting them up to ‘double date’ (kind of) at the movies on Sat. night DAMN. My hands (actually just my fingers) are beginning to peel again. DAMN. I can’t decide between Cameron, Mark & Steven, though I’m pretty sure about Steven DAMN. its hot DAMN. I’m tired DAMN. Riding was good (beat all buses home again) Ran out of Beconase. Wish Steven liked me. He’s conceited (a bit). Pity Pity-Pity-Pity. I’ve got no chance against Angie. DAMNED DAY today.

Friday 28/2/86

9:05 and I’m in bed. Well, sort of. I’m gonna finish “To Kill A Mockingbird”. Pretty ….. plain day today. Jemima tried (is still trying) to set me up with Jarrad B. He’s not bad looking, but is pretty popular/tough & I don’t know him at all. I think (like I always think) Steven likes me as well as Mark, Cameron, Chris (K) and a few others – but you know me – the biggest imagination out. So I’m gonna try’n’skip the movies on Saturday night – I just wouldn’t feel too good with a set-up or blind date. [Funny, that’s still how I feel now. If friends want to set me up with someone, I tell them they have to hide the fact from me. I don’t do blind dates or set-ups.] (Angie thinks Steven’s not interested in her – hope so) Julia embarrassed me again tonight at Coles in town. Mark works there. I pointed him out to her & as he walked up & stood near us for a few seconds, she pissed herself. How embarrassing But GOD Mark W’s a SPUNK!

Saturday 1/3/86

Went into Coles again today. Mark didn’t see me – thank God. I’m so embarrassed from last night. I came home & tried to do my HW, but procrastinated. Went to greet Dad & Jenny at 2:30, came home earlier. They dropped by to pick up Aussie [their dog, who we were obviously baby-sitting for them] and gave us some presents (SHIT yeah) I thought they’d be materialistic (something to keep) Instead, we got lollies, butterscotch, coconut ice, peanut brittle, butterscotch popcorn, candy bars galore FATTENING!! But, by far, the highlight of today was the movie (well not the movie – WHITE NIGHTS) but Steven. He didn’t go in either did Angie (??) But after, mim & Brent, fi, me & Him walked around town, looking for a cafe Found none. caught Taxi home with mim, fi & Brent (Steven got his own) Is 12:10 and I am dead tired!! but happy.

Sunday 2/3/86

Today I ate only junk (the junk that dad brought back from his trip) Nothing good besides a muesli bar [Liss, if only you knew that’s NOT ‘good’] and a lot of water. I also had 6 prunes so I can shit out the rubbish tomorrow. [Ha!] Hope I don’t break out [pimples]. Did HW after lotsa procrastination. Everything but English & Biology assignments. I’ll hafta rush english tomorrow morning. Wrote out the poems & ruled up the pages etc. but must write out the assignment body. Then I can write good copy in english tomorrow. Gee, I keep thinking about last night – I’m sure (??) he likes me I hope. I’m watching “Tootsie” on TV now (It’s 9:52) Gee, I can’t wait to see him tomorrow. Talked a bit, so could get to know him better. Woke 9:15 this morning!! So I got about 8-9hrs sleep last night any-way!

Bludging, Laughing & Raging on the Weekend (10-16 February)

Published on February 10, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 10/2/86

I do have my black bags back again. Boring day. Chemistry class was split; I’m with Tanja. And that’s it (except for Brent, Cameron & David, our class is full of deadshits – OH Linda & Heather aren’t.) It was so boring. We have Mr Lavers but he was away so we bludged the whole 2 lessons (no teacher told us what to do) I wrote a letter to Fi & mim (that’s 3 classes they have together, now) and also Delanie. Mim & Fi said that they understand all that work now- with Mr Misamis. Lucky. Wish our class was one. I’d rather one of 35 than two of 15 & 20. [When you’re 15 your friends mean more than your education, although I realise now the importance of small class numbers.] SHIT classes. Had to stand on bus this arvy. Valentine’s Day will be sooo depressing for me. Is 9:31. I think I’m riding tomorrow.

Tuesday 11/2/86

I liked today. It was good. I don’t know why, I just feel happy – it was no special day. Biology was a bludge. Maureen, Donna, Angie & I talked. It was quite cool last night – I had only my sheet on & (nothing except undies) used my pillow to try and keep me warm. [I still do that sometimes: if there’s no extra bedding within reach, forget climbing out of bed – use a pillow!] Tonight I’m wearing the old, faded, poly/cotton nightie. Hope it’s cold again. Rode home really fast this arvy – beat Julia’s & our buses home – no sweat! (Well, actually there was a lot!) Just too early to meet Justine & Beka though. Rang Justine – we talked for 45mins!! Mum & Julia got cranky & made me hang up. [This was not the first, and definitely not the last time I would ‘hog’ the phone (remember kiddies, there were no mobiles in the 80’s)…and it’s quite funny considering how much I hate talking on the phone now.] Laughed a lot today (in Maths, mainly) Fi told me about Cameron asking about me. [In relation to being a past neighbour of his father & stepmother – not for the reasons one might ordinarily guess] He didn’t even know I was at this school!! Is 9:30 on the dot!!

Wednesday 12/2/86

Pretty good day again today (I mean not special – but not boring) At lunchtime, Tanja, Fi & mim & I went into a Room & soon all the boys (well, the ones I like) were in there too. [I certainly was impressed by this moment because it’s remained one of my clearest & most favourite memories of my early days at CHS….possibly because it may have felt like the boys were seeking our attention?] I’ve decided the ones I like best are Steven, Cameron & Mark (& David & Ricky a bit) I think (I’m trying not to get my hopes up) Steven might like me. Whenever I see him he’s always in positions where I know he can see me. >HOPE< & ditto (kinda) with Mark and Cameron. Had a laugh in Chemistry with Tanja today over bomby cars!! Went home on the Saints bus instead. [Saint Augustine’s was a Catholic boys-only school, and a major ‘competitor’ to Cairns High especially in male-dominated sports. But I guess also, in a respect, a competitor for girls’ attentions…] Chem & Bio Big bludges – teachers are away on YR12 camp. Had no relief teacher for Bio!! At all! I love laughing. [Who doesn’t? Unless you’re being tickled to death and you can’t breathe.] It’s 8:42 – early nite

Thursday 13/2/86

I was naughty today. [Such a strong sense of Conscience] I rode (doubled Fi) to the Trubook Baths in lunchtime (Mima was doubled by Donna & Sharon took Fi’s bike with a guy.) Also Mark F. & Melinda B went too (also some other kids.) Was alright, except for the teachers. They stopped all Smithfield kids from talking to us & one teacher even followed us round the fence-line, warning & telling us to go away. Saw Justine, Richard, Adrienne, Erica, Jay, Anna, Colleen etc. Poor Anna looked so sad. She hates Smithfield now. So much. Riding home, stopped at Stratty P.O. to buy stamps for Mim. Beka got off bus. Talked for a while. All buses passed me. Had religion today too. FUN!! (Blah!) [As far as I can remember, that was the ONLY “religious education” I ever received in my two years at Cairn High. In fact, I don’t recall getting any at Smithfield in the three years I was there either! I guess that’s state school for you? Hooray!] Is a little sticky at the moment tho it’s 8:40. Not hot – just sticky

Friday 14/2/86

VALENTINE’S DAY is sooo depressing! God, I’m HOT And disappointed. I’ve got over my depression but I’m still a bit disappointed. [Look out for an extra special blogpost, this Friday: I wrote about this ‘depression’ in further detail…it’s incredibly woeful!] But, chin up. Think of the future. (things MUST change) They will. Mima can stay over tomorrow night (I’m trying to get Fi over, too.) Hopefully (I talked to mum) we can go to Anne Marie’s party. Otherwise,we’ll drop in at Mark’s for a while. Fi got 2 val. cards (one from mima – the other from Glen) Brent’s got one for mima. But she hasn’t got it yet. And me? Of course, I got none. It’s 10:41. I didn’t want a late night – my clock just stopped ticking. Hafta wind it up.. That’s betta!! The card for Cameron from julia, everyone (mostly) thought it was from me. SHAME [My sister had a crush on Cameron, spanning back from the days when we lived beside his father & stepmother, circa 1983-4. Because she was still at Smithfield High, I was the courier for her valentine’s card to him and I definitely copped some flack thanks to others’ assumptions.]

Saturday 15/2/86

Tried to make myself do HW before mima came, but didn’t. Sunbaked for 40mins (20ea. side) Coloured a little bit. When mima came, we did HW. 12:00-4:00 No! 5:00! In that time, we rang Fi & she came up and Brent rang twice. After, walked down the shops (at Freshy Creek) and bought …cigarettes. [I’m guessing they cost in the vicinity of $2 for a packet back then (the equivalent of about $4 now), so it wouldn’t’ve been too hard for us to scrape together the coin needed for them.] Got ready around 6:30. Got there [where? Anne-Marie’s party?] at 8:30. Heapsa Smithfield ragers. Stephen N (remember him – blonde-haired spunk) was there. (Everyone thinks he’s cute – Anna, Mim, Fi, Col, & Sally) Went to Suzelle’s & drank Westcoast (other people’s – got in deep shit) Back at Mark’s all night. Had 3 smokes. Lotsa drunk kids. Gangs around Old Smithy Road corner. Bashed Ward (Mark’s friend) everyone scared. All went – thought police would come. Everyone made to be driven home. Really scary. Neville & Torsten went missing for 2 hours. 12:00-2:00. Were all right. Is 2:30 now. Are all shit-tired!

Sunday 16/2/86

Woke 8:30. Shit! Got only about 5-6 hrs sleep. Shit!! Did nothing while mima did English assignment & Fi some Bio. HW. Fi had to go to work 11:30. We (mim & I) went to Mark’s – looked at the mess & helped clean up. We even got food & shit in our back yard. Whole street & park area big mess. Anyhow, cleaned our bikes (after we walked to shop for lollies & dropped mim’s gear off) Got burnt Then made patty cakes. Then iced them. Ate some. Had a big talk in the park around 5:30 to 7:00 after we’d seen Cameron (McK) & 2 other guys riding up the street (But they never came back) Talk was great. Steven B is not a virgin. Mima said so many guys aren’t. So many nice (looking) guys. (Mark W) Pity. Pity. Pity. [Oh this makes me laugh! Was I really SO innocent & naive?!] Is 8:49. Am tired. Must sleep. PACKED WEEKEND: was a RAGE.

Slaving for Christmas & Party Fever (2-8 December)

Published on December 2, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 2/12/85

Only Astia, Lucy & I went to the movies, but Shane, Wade, Ian & Karl came late. I just caught the 2:00 bus home (missed out on about 5 mins of Back to the Future ending) & Crabbe was on it. Got off at Stratty to go to Justine’s! Appointment with Mr McKenzie at CHS was alright – dragged on cos’ we were admitted late & he talked & talked & talked & talked….. Got to the party at about 4:35. Was alright. I like Crabbe, too!! He says nice things about me. [I recall him calling me something like a little Dutch girl because of my complexion: looking Scandinavian is complimentary in my books. I also remember him telling me that orange suited me, when I happened to be wearing an outfit of said colour.] Mima & Ben (especially Ben) looked bored. But they ‘supposedly’ hit it off during the video ‘Revenge of the Nerds. I’m still not 100% sure he’s as flipped over her & she is over him but maybe That’s his way of showing it! Crabbe is nice Richard’s alright but no interest in me. won’t even answer a comment I might make. Actually, am a bit jealous of mima. Dunno why. GOTTA have more parties. [And the (social) butterfly begins to emerge from its cocoon…it is a very very slow unfurling however, thanks to a lack of confidence…that has spanned decades.]

Tuesday 3/12/85

IT IS HOT SOOOO BOILING. HOT. [This little rant here looked so impressive in my original diary that I had to take a photo so you could witness the temper. Hilarious!] Wasted day. Went into work.- did NOTHING. Couldn’t get motivated- didn’t feel like it. Just sat around listening to the radio. Came home around 3:00 Ate heaps today (am ashamed) Art course meeting was short only about 1hr. Many people weren’t there e.g.: Neville ←he’s the only boy in the course, too! Skinted!! Still, he’ll probably enjoy it. Elisia’s in. I met 2 other girls from TAS, too – both of whom I recognise. Early night tonight. Am going to work tomorrow. Need $40 $20 for mum & dad (payback) & $20 foundation for Xmas prezzy supplies. Typed a letter to mim (formal!) asking her help in holding a party at Waterworks. I’ll let her set the date & guests, cos’ I made it a party for her & Ben. Hope she does. I love parties. IS HOT. Will post it tomorrow. [Obvious example of ulterior motive here. Too shy/lacking in confidence to go out & get what I want for myself (a party), I created a reason to attract someone to ‘help’ me because it will appear to benefit her. Inadvertant reverse psychology?]

Wednesday 4/12/85

Not too hot today. Mostly overcast. Worked well. Got 125 drums cleaned ($31.25) in 9:00-1:15 After lunch, did (1:45-5:30) 3hrs 45 mins labelling (easy stuff – done in the office – the air conditioning used the electric typewriter & made up all these labels for shampoo [I’m thinking that’s carpet shampoo. Can’t recall dad producing beauty products]. Also did other odd jobs. So total was $46.25, but I have to give dad $10 (I owe him that much) + $10 to mum (I owe her too). [Haha, cute. I – like most children in the world – owe my parents far more than a measly $10] Tomorrow, have to earn at least $45. Hope there’s enough work. I also want to work on Saturday. I hope there’s enough work!! Riding to Smithy on Friday. Hope Fi & mim haven’t forgotten I’m coming too. Sent that party letter to mim this morning. Early nite

Thursday 5/12/85

HOT! HOT! HOT! I hate tit!! [Yes, I had actually written ‘tit’. That is not a typo.] I earned $31.75 today. I have only $32 left to earn on Saturday now, before I get a round $100. Came home a few hours earlier today. GREAT NEWS!! There’s a party at Erica’s on Friday night! 7-12. See, mum’s going out & we’re supposed to stay at dad’s. Beka also wanted a lift so, at 1:30 we’ll ride to school, get our certificates, ride back & Beka’ll stay at my place the arvy (getting ready) & dad can take us to the party & drop Beek off after it. Also, mum said she found some pretty good clothes at that 2nd clothing shop, so I might get some rags ‘n’ fix ’em up for a party outfit!! [By ‘rags’ I mean decent pieces of clothing I could cut up and re-fashion, without sewing of course. Raw edges were in for awhile in the 80’s….lucky, lazy me.] Can’t wait. ‘S unreal. Pretty early nite. (Gonna need it)

Friday 6/12/85

Walked round abit with mum. (She had places to go.) She bought 2 dresses from a 2nd Hand shop (I couldn’t find anything worth cutting up) so whipped across and bought a yellow ‘n’ white striped shirt from Rockman’s. Is very bright. That letter I was typing to Fi, ended in a rush, just before Dad took Beka & me to the party. Prior to that, Beka, Lucy, Justine, me & Sharon rode to school & got our JUNIOR CERTIFICATES. Am happy with it …. is pretty good. I coulda done betta if I’d tried harder over the years. Took our bikes back on the bus (too tired to ride home) The party was…. ‘good’. It wasn’t as good as Lucy’s & our ‘form’ one. Remember David L? He was there and I think he likes me. Kept looking & following me (discreetly) around. Richard & Ben were there, too. Mim came late. At Dad’s now. Am tired. Forgot my plate! [This refers to my orthodontic plate, which I am assuming by this time I am only wearing at night, because I certainly was not still wearing it during daylight hours when I started at Cairns High…]

Saturday 7/12/85

Got my periods, finally!! And also my very first period pains. Jeezus are they BAD. Agony!! Fi got her letter last nite. I wonder wot she thought of it. At work, earned $15. Not much, but I was cranky & lazy with those pains. Julia & Jenny did some cleaning out & found some old stuff. Jules picked up a pr. of floral, flanell PJ’s & I got Anthony’s old Mickey Mouse watch! Is good (ticks loud enough!) Left my (bloody) knickers, white singlet & beach towel at dad’s. Oh well. Watched the movie. Am bugared now. Have a breakout along my hairline, on my forehead. Yukky!! Feels funny – the atmosphere. Doesn’t feel “Homely”.

Sunday 8/12/85

Am tired. Have decided to grow my hair shoulder-length, as long-hair is back in fashion. [Judging by the photo above – at Justine’s party – it’s pretty clear to me that shoulder length hair would not take very long to grow at all.] I wish I could grow it really long & get it permed; but it wouldn’t stay in. [Ah the bloody 80’s obsession with perms!] Today we put up Chrissy decorations (& the tree) Wanted to make some, but ended up not. Got December Dolly & after doing some “word-find” puzzles, read it til Countdown (& watched the movie, too.) That’s why I’m tired: went in to Dunphy’s newsagency to buy more decorations. Mrs D didn’t seem too happy. No good ’86 diaries in their shop. That’s what I need one of them/these. [“Them/these” being a very small – say A8 sized – day to a page Collins diary. While I often spilled over onto successive days’ pages, I have learnt over the years that a bigger diary means more writing, means more time, means less enthusiasm for the act of journaling. I still find it hard to obtain diaries that suit my needs. I’ve just bought one online for the first time ever because I simply couldn’t find anything suitable in the shops. Sorry Retail Industry, but you’re making it hard for me to support you.] Gonna work tomorrow. Earn, at least, $27. Should be easy enough. Then I can buy prezzies

Bye Bye Smithfield High (25 November-1 December)

Published on November 25, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 25/11/85

Ugh! Maths wasn’t too bad, but I think it’ll be a miracle if I get over 60/70. Damn! It’s more likely I’ll get over 50 – well, what’s wrong with a high achievement?? [High Achievement is not enough for a high achiever, read perfectionist!] But history…. I dunno about that ‘un at all!! A pass, but not a good one, I don’t think. Strelitzias were given out today and in last session, everybody was signing everybodies. I don’t have the magazine, but Ms Hornibrook said if I brought my $5 in early tomorrow I could get one. Cor, it’s hot! Got a parcel from CHS. Got subject selection form, subject guide booklet CHS prospectus & letter. There’s a meeting on the 3rd of December for us [CAD art] kids. I’m definitely gonna go now cos Astia is. Oh, so sad: I don’t want this week to go fast [Last week of school/Year 10 = last week at Smithfield State High School]

Tuesday 26/11/85

I got the very last Strelitza today. Lucky, huh??!! AM BOILING!! MY EXAMS ARE OVER!! FINISHED!! Art was quite simple, BP was a bit harder. I would have passed in both I’m sure. Had to do the piccy for the girl’s uniform for Smithy 1986 Prospectus. Front & back view. Thrilling, huh?? [Well yes, Liss, give yourself some credit.] I will see it, though, cos Julia’ll get one. Lucy came round this arvy. We went to the park & talked. This boy (saints uniform) walked across & to the brick house behind. He must have been watching us, with, gasp, Neville cos’ when Luc & I rode up & round the street, I saw them sitting on the stone wall. We went to the school. Coming home, they WHISTLED SHAME!! Anyway, am boiling hot. And watching ANZACS (only one up) Will finish soon. Am worn out!! HOT

Wednesday 27/11/85

Watched last part of ANZACS. It was so sad. I don’t think I have ever cried as much as I did in that. [I still tear up quite readily if I think about or witness cruelty or others’ sadness. In fact, I have come to learn that sadness belies pretty much all of my negative moods; it’s pretty much my personal ‘root evil’.] Julia laughed at me, so I tried to laugh instead – but it [my choked laugh, I assume] ended up sounding like a sick dog!!! Today – er – 17/30 for my 3 englishes. 6½, 7 & 3½→ fail!! OH WELL!! 74/100 for Science. OH WELL!! and (YAY!!) 14/15, 8/10 + 11½/15 for German! Also 34½/50 for history – 22 for one assignment, 20½ for the other!!! Still need more people to sign my Strelitzia. Want Tim to, but he won’t: doesn’t know me well enough. OH WELL! Y’know The Saints guy from yesterday – well he walked across park again. But passing our house, he looked in. I looked out & he saw me & smiled. Got a cute smile. Also this morning, some YR9 girls at the busstop were throwing around things off this tree & got me! I said “do you mind?” & Ms Rebecca P mocked me. HOW CHILDISH

Thursday 28/11/85

Am soo tired. Can’t wait for tomorrow. Gonna be unreeeeal!! Green Is, then Lucy’s party! Can’t wait!! Art 58½/60. (Good fluke) & 53½/70 for maths. Am so relieved. Little happy but mostly relieved cos I got over 50. I wanted to Get between 58-65 but that was an impossible dream. Wore wrong shirt today wasn’t sprung luckily. Wagged bits of lessons. Pretty boring. Ben P actually spoke to me in BP (were (Fiona U, Ian, him & me) all talking about maths) He said “I got 29, Lissa” for mid semester test out of 30. [I considered him one of the popular guys] Coulda got him to sign my Strelitzia but chickened out. Y’know that Saints guy? He smokes→ saw him walking home again this arvy with a fag. Pity he’s quite a good looker. Sat on the stone wall again, I think to watch me cos when I looked after mum had shut the door & pulled down the blind, he was gone. Is 10:45. Am bugared.

Friday 29/11/85

170 people from Smithfield came when we’d only booked for 130. So Mr Van volunteered 10J & a few 10H’s to stay back in town & catch the fast boat at 10:30. We walked around town – Kim, Fran, Astia, Sharon D, Fi & me. Tried to buy Westcoast. [The most popular wine cooler on the market back then] Unsuccessful. Astia’s boyfriend Jamie (over 18) got us some Island Cooler. Yukky & more alcohol compared to Westcoast.. Baked on the boat. Was fun at Green Is. Swam, walked around & jumped (were pushed) off wharf!! Didn’t need to sun bake. Got red. not too burnt, but sore enough!! Didn’t see Tim at all till he left. Oh well. Got back off the fast boat (late one) about 5:15; rushed in town & caught bus home. Ready for Lucy’s; dressed & showered. Didn’t pack much for overnite. Party was [at this point I had to turn the page to continue the story…]

Saturday 30/11/85

unreeal, had over 15 cups of rum & wine punch + 3 or 4 cups of coke (2 of which had whiskey added) Mrs W. & Rod didn’t go out. Ben P & Richard came – I thought they, besides Harry & Jemima, were the life of the party. Wasn’t drunk – just relaxed. There was Ian, Wade, Skinner, Harry, his friend, Ben, Richard, Jay & Wayne & Sharon W, me, Lucy, Fi, Mim, Danäe, Colleen, Anna, Sally, Justine, Deyarne & Michelle H & Jay’s girlfriend Rebecca. I like Richard. Ben is nice but Jemima’s absolutely flipped over him. Sally thinks Richard likes Justine. Hope not. He hates me anyway & I can feel it. [You know what they say: the attributes & attitudes you find attractive & unattractive in others is actually a reflection of yourself? Well that there comment screams of Self Hate.] Got about 5 hrs sleep. Mucked around today at Lucy’s (Danäe went home early) Luc, Beka & Me lazed about until 4:30-5:00 Mum took us home. Slept a bit at home, felt little sick right now. Just VERY tired. Mim’s head over heels with Ben. He likes her, but not as much, mutually. Ian & Wade & Shane were bored I think. Wayne, Sharon, Deyarne & Michelle left early thank god. [Ah, what? Why thanks god I wonder? I don’t recall being averse to any of these people. Maybe too many popular people for me and I felt uncomfortable?] Gotta have more like that. I think even Harry enjoyed it. He was pisst!! Everyone came late around 9:00.

Sunday 1/12/85

Boy, have I had one social life; In the past 3 days + tomorrow!! Woke late this morning & did Xmas cards all day. Have so many! Went to Dianne & Kerry’s. Stayed for tea & watched video “Gremlins” UNREEAL. On the way there, saw Ben & Richard!! Almost flipped!! I dunno if they actually saw me but they watched the car all the way past!! Julia thinks Richard’s nice looking too! me; well, not so much looks, but; I dunno what attracts me!! Anyway, when I rang Fran (at Di & Kerry’s) she’d said they’d been to Erica’s. She’d (Fran) been at mim’s all day cos’ her mum had lunch with Mrs B) so she knew the story between Mim & Ben. She is going to Justine’s party now & Ben & Richard are supposed to, too. I’m worried that, if mima & Ben do hit it off, that Fi will get Richard. NO!! Anyway for the moment I don’t think Ben’s as flipped over mim as she is over him. But never can tell…!!! Is 10:15 now. Busy day tomorrow.

Soggy Shoes & Socks Up Shit’s Creek (4-10 November)

Published on November 4, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 4/11/85

Got my BP assignment written out this morning and finished illustrations in History because Mr Van was away. Raining this morning Was lovely! I got drenched from mid-thigh down. I couldn’t stand my socks & shoes but they eventually dried out. [Ugh yep, wearing saturated socks & shoes – especially in a humid climate – is pretty bloody uncomfortable. Mind you, having same in a cold environment is pretty horrible too. When I visited Yosemite National Park in 2005, it was late November, it was wet, there was sleet, snow & my runners were drenched. Horrible.] Is raining now. It stopped around lunch time & only started again around 7:00. If it rains tomorrow morning I’ll take spare socks to the bus stop & I’ll wear a torn garbage bag over my skirt!!! NO JOKE! Lucy’s havin’ a party on the last day of school after we’ve been to Green Is. Dunno if it’ll be a success. We have to bring a ‘date’. Who’d have enough guts to go with me? Harry K was going to organise a gigantic party for YR 10’s elsewhere. I think that’d be better. Anyway…

Tuesday 5/11/85

Fran told me today on the way home that I was accepted [to the CAD art course at Cairns High] cos’ she asked Mr Roff. Fiona overheard and said, “now you’ve got to decide”. I looked away in thought and she said “well?” & I said “it’s not going to take me only that long to decide.” She’s anxious to know whether I’m going or not. Ha. Ha. Justine’s B’day. Planned to ‘forget’ on purpose, but she was shitty so we didn’t. So much HW mum came home late. We sat outside. I only got impatient when the phone started to ring cos’ I knew it’d be Lucy ringing to ask if I’d go for our typical ride. [For the younger generation, it must be explained that there were no such things as mobile phones. We only had landlines, so hearing a phone ringing off the hook inside when you were locked outs – and expecting a call – was quite frustrating.] Ate a lot. Had cake & Kit Kat & yogurt.

Wednesday 6/11/85

My Homework is piling UP & UP & UP & UP all the time. I have 4 assignments to do, + study + outside work (otherwise I’ll have nothing to buy Chrissy presents out of.) I’m going nuts! Riding with Lucy this arvy, ran into Jemima. She congratulated me. I still don’t know whether to go or not. It looks as if I’m leaning towards leaving Smithfield but I must properly decide by writing out the pros & cons & seeing which outweighs which. Have to read now “The Pearl” by John Steinbeck. Only 100 or so pages. Hafta have it read by Friday so (it’s 8:30 now) I’ll read it all tonite. Mad Max II is on TV now. I’m not up to watching it – too tired. Only had 6½hrs sleep last night, cos slept at 11:00 automatically woke at 5:30 Another late nite I can’t hack!

Thursday 7/11/85

Is starting to get very hot and my work load grows higher by the minute. I can’t get myself to work on my assignments on week days. I have 4 assign’s. + the assign’s & studies I must do for exams. (I’m BOILING.) I’m not gonna cope. Saw Neville at the park this arvy round 6:00 with a girl who looked like a boy from a distance. It’s his girlfriend. In a way I’m relieved but I’m mostly very curious. Riding again with Luc. We’re trying to get fit for the Green Island trip on the last day of school (there’s a rumour that CHS yr 10’s will be going same day too. Hope so! UNREAL!!) But’s not certain we are going yet. Late nite is 10:07

Friday 8/11/85

School – yuk. Sallie’s “party” (not many people were there) was great! (all the same.) Had fun at waterworks [the Waterworks was a water-based amusement park, virtually in the heart of the Cairns CBD and apparently the first of its kind outside of the US. It had four ‘pipe’ slides were the main attraction, some of which apparently had razor blades in them if you believed the scaremongers! Eventually it was dismantled & relocated to what would then have been the southern outskirts of the city (Edmonton) & renamed Sugarworld. So far as I know, it’s still in existence.] it was 5:50 to get in & I only had only $5 to start with. After dad picked me up (cos’ mum’s out somewhere) & went to Crown Hotel till 1:00. At dad’s watched end of movie & late movie the worst movie out “FJ Holden” Aust. of course. So stupid I coulda directed it better!! Anyway I crashed about 1:00 I’d say. Heat is becoming unbearable, almost. Rain has stopped & is hotter. Rode with Lucy & Sharon D. (cos’ she was at her shop) today. FUN!!!

Saturday 9/11/85

Today was a big waste of time & energy. Got home around 10:30. Read my book & finished it up to 2:30, then watched TV. Yeah! WHAT A WASTE OF TIME!! Ate a fair bit today, too but drank heapsa water. Was BOILING & I am soooo tired cos woke 8:00 and don’t feel good. Watched movie tonite, too. (Waterloo) Am absolutely stuffed but is my own fault went for a walk tonight cos’ we’re minding Auzzie while Dad & Jenny go camping. Saw Neville’s house. Is quite nice. MUST do work tomorrow is my only wekeend left before 4 of ’em are due. SHIT I gotta sleep now – can’t keep eyes open.

Sunday 10/11/85

Got my english survey written out & re-wrote my first history assignment. Wrote a crappy ending which I’ll get Mr Van to help me re-write. as for the other 2, they’re up shit’s creek. Like me. Lucy rang at 9:30. We rode to Stratford News Agent so she could buy a book. I bought milk at Freshy. Julia went to Green Is for Brendan S.’s Birthday Party. Aussie was bored, I could tell – Jenny & Dad came around 5:30. Dad’ll photocopy my survey tomorrow. I have sooo much work it’s unfair. [Hahaha, love that one. UNFAIR?] In a shitty mood. No good razors left so I cut myself & I haven’t done that for yonks. early nite