Stress – Page 3 – A Life in Words

Popularity, Pottery & the Technicoloured Dreamcoat (19-25 May)

Published on May 19, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 19/5/86

Yet, there is hope. In maths, Chris K reckoned that he knows about 15 guys who like me (& Ben P. knows another 4) all his friends. Chris reckons I’m the most popular girl now. (On the bio excursion “all the guys were coming upstream just to see me.”) Guys say “Have you seen that Elissa? She’s beautiful…” Skint. [Ok, not to belittle myself, but….seriously? Even with hindsight, I’m unsure of this guy’s motivation. I think ‘story-teller’ Chris was being relatively truthful, but… why bother telling me all of this? To put me on the spot. I have a feeling that my bashfulness and modesty was so overt that it was worth the effort to make me uncomfortable, for sheer entertainment purposes.] And also, ‘everyone’ (at least, Sharon, Fi & Mima) has organised a surprise for me at Angela M’s next party. Cos its in June (holidays) I think it’d either be to do with my birthday or what Chris was saying in maths. (Hope not the latter.) But it feels kinda good to be “popular”. [Ego!] I don’t quite believe it actually. I thought he really was bullshitting. [Hmmm, yeah, go with your Gut] 9:30. Talked to Cameron (back seat) of bus today. Pretty good day. Enjoyed it. Am so tired now. Riding 2morrow. Did no HW. Umah.

Tuesday 20/5/86

Ratshit day. Found out the surprise was a surprise party for me! Ha! [Weird, my birthday is in JULY…?] Now they won’t have it!! Also Alan C told me that Peter P likes me (I knew anyway) YUK. And then ‘everyone’ found out. And wouldn’t shut up about it. I HATE HIM SO MUCH. [Well that’s hardly fair is it? “Hating” someone you don’t know at all because you don’t happen to be attracted to him? Is it because of the unwanted attention drawn to you as a result? I think so.] I wish Mark liked me (I have a feeling he’s not one of the 19 who like me) I know 3 of them now; Dwain, Peter & Greg K (??) not sure about him. But Chris told me about him. Rode today too. MARK’S BIRTHDAY♥♥ Never to forget. Fi’s birthday Thurs. what’ll I get her?? 8:42 Early night for once?? He is the cutest (Mark that is) oh, love him, love him love him love him him ♥ mark for me!! [Oh PUR-LEEEEEASE…]

Wednesday 21/5/86

I’m ready for the cold!! Tonite’s min. is expected 13ºC!!! Was cool all day today too!! Didn’t have to do fabric painting today- had a go on the pottery wheels until Megan & this other girl started smoking [IN the classroom…]. Mr Pugh came in & told everyone to stop & pack up. [No doubt he’d’ve smelt it from another room] Megan & Joanne owned up much too late. So we did nothing for the rest of the time. Couldn’t get Fi a present, so went to speech, then bought a cake from Freshy & am gonna take it (all iced up) tomorrow, then I’ll give her a prezzy after school (when I go into town & get it) Cake is choc. covered in pink icing saying “EAT ME! Fiona” With yellow & green & orange squiggles. Really cute!! and yummy I’ll bet!!! Dunno what to get for a present!

Thursday 22/5/86

FI’S BIRTHDAY Oh, I wish Mark was having a party. I feel like partying this weekend. Oh well… ate Fi’s cake within 3 minutes this morning (“everyone” pigged out!) Gave her a “toblerone” & swatchguard tonight at Smithfield’s concert musical “Technicoloured Dream Coat.” (Was alright for a first; glad I go to CHS; smithfield “friends” are biggest snobs out – melissa b, natalie w, ian c, kel b & shane s) Erica & Adrienne were excellent in their dancing parts!! Laughed so much at their mistakes! (not Erica & Adrienne’s… the actors!!) Today, also, Ms Marsland talked to me about yesterday afternoon & about how Ms Black & Mr Pugh were a bit cheesed off. Suggested I apologise. Told mima & Fi too. They went together. I had to do mine alone. [I’m not sure why we had to apologise when we weren’t the offenders… unless it was because we failed to ‘out’ the smokers, which could have been read by the teachers as an act of ‘solidarity’? Beats me.] 10:07 by Mickey Mouse watch (my digital one’s stuffed→ battery’s flat or something.)

Friday 23/5/86

Just watched Flying High. God it was funny! Really boring day today. In fact probably the most boring day I’ve ever spent at Cairns High. 10:42 (my watch is fixed→ the new battery cost $9) Jeez I am tired. My eyes were really straining to stay open during the movie. Have to do a lot of HW this weekend; english, chemistry especially. Mark is yum, yum. Oh I wish more than anything in the world (??) that he was crazy about me; totally flipped over me. I like him so much. [I so want to scream at my younger self: “You don’t even KNOW him!”] Theatre Night on Saturday night (theatre kids perform) Hope he goes (cos’ I think I am) I’d love it – not that I think anything’d happen – never does. OH I WISH….. Night, Night!

Saturday 24/5/86

“Flashdance” just finished – it’s 11:21 – I am tired – and have a full day of HW & study ahead of me. Exams start this Friday – Chemistry on Friday for me (PES for YKW) Worked all day (well, 10:15 till 6:00) on labels (worth $31 – but got only $30) [Love how my Dad decides on a whim that he’ll change the pay rate or under-pay me whenever he feels like it.] Boring. Rushed home at 6:45 got ready & went to theatre night at CHS. Mark wasn’t there. In fact, barely anyone was. (‘Twas quite boring actually) Eyes are sore. Gosh I’d love another party (wished Mark’d have one for his birthday – maybe he did & I wasn’t invited) OH I AM TIRED. Boring. Absolutely Nothing exciting happened today. (My teeth are getting a (slight) gap between them again) OH NO. Mark 4 me! (Got a new desk 2day, too)

Sunday 25/5/86

Wanted to do lots of HW & study today. Ended up spending ‘whole’ day on my english assignment & even then, didn’t finish it. Ratshit. Wanted to get quotes for english & do all my chemistry HW, revision sheets (as well as maths). Mucked around a bit too. Oh shit. Is 10:07. Watching the Black Stallion on TV. (Hopefully) will finish soon. Am bugared. Chemistry exam this FRIDAY. Shit, I’m gonna fail, severely. Oh what am I gonna do?? [It’s called study, and being Sunday, you still have 4 days left in which to do some. SUCH a Worry Wart!] Ate a fair bit today – 4 fish fillets, cereal, mandarin sultanas, 3 biscuits, bowl of chips & 2 pieces toast. Howz that? (Sickening) God I’m tired. And a bit worried too. What the hell’ll I do about Chemistry? (And English? And maths) Aaaarg!! [Say no more!]

Hello 1986, it’s HOT! (1-5 January)

Published on January 2, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Wednesday 1/1/86

Well Hi There ’86!! You’re gonna be a great year for me. My Resolution Is to Improve Myself – health, confidence, attitudes, personality etc. We went to 2 parties – the first for a very short time – Bonds next. Less people there!! Had Westcoast toast to the New Year!! [My father, while normally a pretty strict disciplinarian, would have allowed this alcoholic treat because it was a special occasion, and I was 15] Went to sleep about 2:30 after swimming, talking, eating (& having a shower) Woke at 9:00. Dad & Jenny went at 4:00. We had swims & brekky & left with Roger (& Nelly & Amanda) about 1:30. Watched TV & read magazines at dad’s & Roger (& the girls) took us home [to mum] around 4:45. (After a quick trip to Kewarra) Watched TV. Rang Fi – had HEAPS to say to each other. She had a grate [I can’t tell for sure but it looks like I tried to correct that spelling error here] time! Watched movie. another late nite (is 10:34 now)

Thursday 2/1/86

A Life in Words — While this is the region that Fi visited, and how the Gold Coast is usually identified, I have made my home on the much less built-up southern end of the city

Well today I woke quite late (8:30!) And I lazed around till 10:00, when I got dressed & waited for Fi to come (she arrived at 11:30 after all!) She gave me a writing set & a pen really cute!! Told me all about her holiday – sounded like unreeeal fun!! She stayed until about 3:30 & left as we put up our letterbox. We watched TV (Julia & I) the rest of the night. Is only 9:40. Having a pretty early night. Had heaps to talk about – the things, places, people & occurrences she (& sandy lee) experienced were unreal!! I’d love a holiday down there!! [Holiday indeed. The Gold Coast became a place of abode during Uni holidays some years later. Then from 2002 it actually became my Home.] Someday…! was HOT

Friday 3/1/86

GORD it’s Hot!! Today I woke around 7:30, then received a letter from Mima (in sydney) at 9:00. After doing some housework, I wrote back at 9:30. She had sent up some of the photos she took at our form (Justine’s) party. After that I messed around until we went out – GOT OUR WALKMANS!! [These weren’t literally Sony Walkmans. They were a cheaper version – probably Sanyo or the like. But, they did the job.] Also had a prang (that’s all mum needs – she’s really cranky lately. I think it’s cos of the financial problems & hidden influences from Geoff & how she has ‘no’ or little friends.) Also visited Nana. At home watched TV. Just watched the movie was good! Is 10:26 & I’m HOT!!!!

Saturday 4/1/86

I’m HOT! Summer – Ouch!! Wrote “thank you” notes today to friends & family for the Xmas prezzies, before Fi rang and asked me to the movies. Mrs D took us in to the shop & we walked to the Cinema Capri. “St. Elmo’s Fire” I thought was fantastic. I loved it! Saw Harry (in his car) He whistled & yelled “sexy” to get our attention. [That usually hasn’t worked for most of my life. I usually don’t look for whistlers because I don’t expect them to be targeting me. When I was younger (this age) I also believed it was extremely arrogant to think you would be the object of that kind of attention. Says a bit about my self worth, you think?] Except at the movies, I’ve had my earphones (and the radio/cassette) in use all day! I listened to 2 cassettes + the rest radio. I find if I vary the stations, I pick up good songs often (more wham!). I love their new song – I’m crazy over it: “I’m your Man”. Is 9:35

Sunday 5/5/86

Today I wrote out all my last “thank you” letters, including a 6 page one to Jodie & Mike. Otherwise I watched test cricket [ew, REALLY?] or other TV shows or listened to my walkman (radio) again. (tuning between stations to pick up good songs.) The one I really want to hear non-stop is “I’m Your Man”. I AM FLIPPED over that song. I LOVE IT! Petra came over with her friend Karen. Karen (nearly) always comes over with Petra now. I think she’s taking Petra from Jules. [Ah, the stealing of friends as if they were possessions. It’s amazing how long it can take in a lifetime to learn you won’t and can’t ever ‘own’ people.] And it’ll be hard for her to stop Karen because she & Petra are both at CHS. Poor Julia Was sticky today. Is 10:05 now

If you fancy, here’s the link to the original music video clip on YouTube. What a trip: I’m Your Man – Wham!

School Stress, Creature Invasions & the Mullet (11-17 November)

Published on November 11, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 11/11/85

Got the official letter of acceptance into the art course. Have decided to accept, however I’ll give them notice that I may reject it over the holidays. Had my haircut. Is nothing like how I wanted it. God, Annette’s docile. Now I look almost bald on top & my hair is long & thick at the bottom. [Hmm, that sounds suspiciously like a mullet? Every reason to be unhappy in that case.] And my survey-sheets (so many of them) were misprinted etc – that added to my anger so I had a good ole cry session. (and swearing & throwing things around.) IS BOILING we NEED fans. Can’t stand the heat. [Anyone who has lived in, or visited Cairns between October & March should have an idea of exactly how horrendous it would be to live without fans, let alone air conditioning. Aircon? Pfft, only pussies live in the Tropics with a fully air conditioned house. One of my friends put it perfectly many years ago when he said “What’s the point in living in the tropics if you go from your air conditioned house, to your air conditioned car, to your air conditioned workplace/gym/shopping centre & back again? You have to experience the climate in at least one of those environments!” But… fans would be nice.] Also need flyscreens for doors & windows cos’ toads galore & the usual bugs etc are getting in. [We had a beautifully designed (for the tropics) ground level house, with many french doors and floor to ceiling louvre windows. Brilliant natural ventilation (albeit without fans for those hot still times, that wasn’t useful) however at night with the emergence of insects seeking light and toads seeking insects, we had a literal menagerie of unwanted amphibians arthropods and reptiles in the form of geckos make their way into our abode. Now I’m not at all an animal hater, and I like camping but it can be quite annoying on a day-in-day-out basis.] Now have 7 assignments – 2 english, 2 History, 1 PES and 2 english exam ones (of course there’s another History exam one, too.) FUCKIN’ HELL

Tuesday 12/11/85

Went to presentation rehearsals from 9:15 to 1:15. For that time (except once) I remained seated, doing NOTHING. BORING! The acts were silly but tonite at the actual thing everything was so much better. Minor mishaps. Not many. Got home from skool & rushed into town at 4:20. Borrowed $50 off dad & tried to find a dress. Looked in the City Girl Boutiques. Tried on heaps of dresses & I mean heaps! Finally got a white (with whole floral print) drop waist with buttons up front, & V shaped low collar. BEATIFUL. My hair stayed in place too! Did no HW Is now 11:00. Am bugared – nite!!

Wednesday 13/11/85

I gave Mr Roff my acception [er, acceptance] & he said (after my suggestion) that it would be good to let him know whether I will go or not, when I come back to school to get my Junior Certificate on Dec.6. I have now 10 assign’s 5 english (2 hand in – 3 exams) 3 Hist (2 hand in – 1 exam) 1 (exam) german 1 PES!! GREAT, HUH?!! I’m not going to get it done. TOO BAD, HUH??! NO!! NOT “too bad”. I MUST GET THEM DONE. Wasted tonite. Just rang up people to do my survey. Am so tired: just watched 1986 Miss Australia (Miss NSW won again.) They must have it rigged she couldn’t have won in a fit but she did. They always win. Is not too Hot tonite….. I hope! ….

Thursday 15/11/85

Tonight I broke down. Not a proper break-down. I just had a terrible anger-fit then I couldn’t stop crying. I can’t cope. I have 10 assignments (wel 9 now cos’ I finished one off crappily) & I have a (hard) extension test tomorrow which I didn’t get time to study for. I’ll have to work my arse off this weekend. NO SPARE TIME whatsoever. Got my T-shirt almost done in double lesson [art I assume] today will probly need only 2 more lessons at the most (Good cos’ we’ve only got 2 more left on them!) Looks alright, too. Think I will accept but won’t tell anyone but Mr Roff (have to) & probly Julie H if she can keep a secret. Nose is bleeding again. Late nite 10:15

Friday 16/11/85

O! Work, work, work – wonderful (?????) work!! That’s all I seem to be doing now. Is terribly hot. Watched movie – am tired. Mum & Geoff went to Lifestyle ’85. [I have no idea what this event was. Perhaps some kind of expo? These were rare in the 80’s] Julia & I stayed home & mucked around. Maths Extension test was pretty easy. Made 1 or 2 mistakes that I know of already. Have so much work for the weekend – if I do finish my assignments there’s heaps of study to begin. Neville plays the drums – heard him this arvy. I can’t remember correctly, but I think I had another dream about Tim last night (Good, of course!!)

Saturday 17/11/85

Is 11:10am Bugared. Almost finished my History assignment. Just 2 more (or so) pages left I s’pose + tonite, (that’s why I’m having such a late night.) I wrote out notes for my english report. Can’t do the survey cause there’s no point behind it. Am, Insted, doing the “what tribe is that?” article from Dolly. Mr Van won’t know. I’ll change it round cos’ some girls might. [Well, well, well… my first conscious and/or admitted plagiarism!] Also must do book review tomorrow + Shakespeare study + science study. I’ll be bugared!! I wanted to get this Hist. & Eng. report done today so could sunbake a little tomorrow. SHIT! went for a 10 min ride with Lucy around 5:30. Nin & Ruth came for lunch.

Sunday 18/11/85

Ate & Drank far too much today cos’ I had a very sore/irritated throat from sucking back mucus (there was no Sudafed) Plus my nose is running. YUK I feel terrible. [Hmm, catarrh and a runny nose. Sounds pretty much like a viral infection. Stress opening the door to let it in?] BUT I finished 2 essays!!! Got not study done, however. & still have 7 assignments left. THROAT IS KILLING ME. I am so tired. Mum’s going to let me have tuesday off, to study, do assignments. Don’t know if I will cos’ I have double History. Then again, I need the time…… Face is getting bad – more breakouts on my chin & forehead + I have really bad dermatitis on my toes. + there are still no new razors so I had to use a blunt one. YUK!!!!

Stressing, Riding & the Potty-Mouthed Doctor (28 October-3 November)

Published on October 28, 2013August 14, 2018 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 28/10/85

Mum made me apply for a job this morning. I rang up & the woman said I had to paint scenes & things on to coral, wood etc to be sold at Rusty’s Bazaar. Have to go round at 7:15pm tomorrow night for an ‘interview’ Don’t want to – probably are hoons. [Ha! I’ve no idea why I made this assumption about my potential employers, but the fact that mum “made me” apply for the job in the first place is very enlightening. It has made me realise just how much faith she had in my artistic abilities. She would never have forced me to get a job just to earn money – after all, I had work with my dad for that. No, she wanted me to advance my talent. Every so often, even in these later years (I haven’t done any art for decades now) mum would suggest or ask why I don’t do some drawing/painting/art again. She really believed in me. Perhaps I should try again, if only for her.] Anyhow, my interview at CHS went alright. Astia & Ingrid are accepted. Fran came late. Isn’t going to attend even if she is accepted cos’ she’s going to Sydney. I’m having doubts. At school everyone wanted to know how I went. Mrs Marslen was s’posed to ring me & tell me tonite but hasn’t rung yet. Elisia’s also in it & Neville too. & Michelle W. Fairly boring day. Didn’t see Tim at all but was sure he was here. Had a camp meeting. Retrieved my drink bottle!! Heapsa HW didn’t get started till late therefore [I often used 3 dots in the shape of a triangle instead of the word ‘therefore’ because someone had once told me it was shorthand for it] finished late. Is 9:30.

Tuesday 29/10/85

Didn’t go to that interview – rang up & informed that lady that I wasn’t a ‘painter’ & that I was coming into exams & would be too busy to work anyway. She said “that’s alright. Thanks for calling.” [Hmmm, excuses, excuses?] Watched last part of flying doctors mini-series. Was sad & happy but great news is it’s coming on as a programme next year!!! UNREAL!! Fiona is ‘happy’ (pretending she is) that I’m going to CHS (& I have not made up my mind yet.) But I know she doesn’t want me to. I’m losing sleep over this thing!! Just don’t know what to do. Mrs Marslen hasn’t even rung me yet to tell me if I am accepted or not. God it’s a worry

Wednesday 30/10/85

Mrs Marslen still hasn’t rung but I got a subject selection booklet for CHS from Sharon D. who got it from her. [There’s a hint, Liss] Just watched the movie. Am bugared now. Went out riding with Lucy this arvy. Wanted to get back at 5:00. Was an hr late, cos at shop, met up with Anna, Polly, Adam, Liam & other boys. They were all so funny – I just had to stay around. Rushed HW, at home still haven’t done any assignments. Better hurry, huh? It’s imperitive now. 2 weeks to exams. I must hurry along. Tim & still very friendly with Joanne B. Tina called her his girlfriend. NOT FAIR. Too tired now is 10:30.

Thursday 31/10/85

I am so mixed up about this art course – its not funny. I am confused & worried. I just don’t know what to do & that teacher still hasn’t rung me. Jeezus! Rode with Lucy this arvy again – but Polly & Anna weren’t with Liam & Adam etc so we didn’t hang around. I got back just after 5:00. HW I did a fair bit + I ACTUALLY STARTED 1 ASSIGNMENT!!! (History.) I wanna finish it & BP tomorrow & on weekend so I can show Mr Van it. He’ll probably say it’s all wrong. Meat head. Got maths chapters to study from. Will do that on weekend as well. Early night (believe it or not!) Am tired. Getting shitty lately. Appetite is also increasing again

Friday 1/11/85

Am tired. Was only one who stayed up tonight. (Movie was slack – I was reading the new Women’s Weekly.) Riding with Lucy this arvy was good. Rode to the shop (bought nothing) then to Freshy Creek Petrol Station & pumped up our tyres – then to Redlynch & around the back streets to Lower Freshy Road stopped at Lower Freshy bridge. Saw Jill & Barry & Dean & Carol B, running then went back to Lucy’s (stopped & saw & talked to Roger M) then after Lucy’s went to shop – ate 5 lollies each then rode home. Enough exercise, huh?!! Have heapsa HW for the weekend mainly ART, BP, HISTORY & ENGLISH (orr & maths/science I s’pose too.) [In other words, for nearly every subject…] See ya round!!!

Saturday 2/11/85

Busy day today!! Went to Dr’s. Rode with Lucy. Completed 1 assignment. And Mrs G. & Lauren & Tiggy came over. At the doctor’s, (Dr McD.) had great big long talks about shaving legs, facial make-up, boy & girl attractions, my bruises, doctor’s exploits & my nose bleed. He swore, too. I was in shock. ‘Cunts’. Mum supposed he thought I’d heard it all before. I couldn’t stop smiling!! [As in, I found it funny?] About my nose, if it doesn’t heal, I’ll have to have the ruptured vein quarterized (burnt) & he said my bruises are just carelessness. Riding with Luc, went on Lower Freshy Circuit, to the church (where Martin P. showed off in riding his dad’s motorbike) to Savina Estate Park, to Beka’s & then home in 1½hrs. Felt good…exercising!! Late nite: is 10:32. Gonna WORK tomorrow!

Sunday 3/11/85

Got BP finished today. Also got cranky about a design for my T-shirt. Just don’t know what to do. Is such a hard choice. Have to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow to finish BP properly, ie write it out correctly and do the illustrations. then I’ll have only 3 (perhaps 4) assignments left!!! Finished working on BP around 3:00 today. Just sat and vegetated, until 6:00 when I watched countdown. Really got upset about the TShirt logo. I just have no idea what to do. None at all. Is 10:30. Just watched a funny movie with Chevy Chase & Goldie Hawn!

Happy Birthday Mum

Published on October 1, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

It’s painful looking at this picture. It physically hurts. To think this beautiful little girl should have been turnings 69 years of age today, but she never made it. The big C, the very same disease that is taking so many other lives, ended hers just months after her 68th birthday. I’d never imagined, never dreamed that she would’ve left this world that early. She wasn’t a party girl, at all. She lived as cleanly as any other, with whatever health information is available out there to the Average Joe.
So what hurts is knowing that that little body ended up so inflamed that its immune system couldn’t win the fight. Granted, it wouldn’t’ve helped having an autoimmune disease (rheumatoid arthritis). I suppose she was already “on the back foot”, so to speak.
It hurts but it’s also frightening. Just how toxic is this modern world? Mum was born in 1944. Where in the years between then and now did this happen? Cancer has always existed but it seems to me that its prevalence may have been kept in check because our environment (both internal and external) was never as toxic as it has become in the past century.

Mum had been a smoker. She hadn’t touched a cigarette for over ten years before she passed away, but the damage was well and truly done in the twenty-five years prior to that. Well before her death, she knew – we all knew – that “Smoking Kills” but I believe it is by far the most toxic, most inflammatory choice you can make. I recently heard a cardiologist, Dr Ross Walker, state that one cigarette triggers 3 trillion free radicals in your bloodstream. There’s no way I could begin to calculate the total of free radicals mum would have ‘triggered’ in her bloodstream – from smoking alone – during my life, let alone prior.

And she bore me and my sister from that inflamed internal environment? What does that mean for us, our individual immune systems? Billions of humans brought into this world since the middle of the last century have potentially begun “on the back foot” as well, whether their parents smoked or not. Passive smoking aside, environmental toxins have increased dramatically – or so the pro-climate change scientists would purport and the internal environment has never before been so heavily bombarded by the chemicals in our heavily processed food, pharmaceuticals, miscellaneous drugs and alcohol; the contraindications of significantly less movement, more sitting and Stress.

If there’s one thing mum’s death has brought me, it’s an added depth of intensity to my passion for health. If there’s a present I could give to her today, it’s to promise to continue encouraging individuals to change their lives, potentially better their chances for longer lives, through better lifestyle choices.