worry – Page 3 – A Life in Words

Leadership Camp, Day Two (2 February)

Published on February 2, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 2/2/87

Woken quite early – tent’s going thru’ rain – well, have no worries about getting wet. [Dad always owned good quality camping equipment] Got in groups today- I have Fi, Justine, Lynette C and others. we did “PERSONALITIES”. Was ‘interesting’. we have to write nice things about someone in our group. I got Tricia. Did canoing this arvy – I thought I got my periods Lucky I didn’t. A little boring canoeing was .. too windy to enjoy. Spent little time with Mark today. I can’t handle being around him in group situations like this camp. It’s hard for me. We’re better off on our own. [But hardly realistic…] Tonight we had the bonfire & joke telling Trish & Mark were in a tent together I was really worried. Later they had a “dance”. I stayed alone in the tent crying a little etc. I didn’t see anymore of him that night. I was really upset when everybody came back to the tent they tried to make me feel better. It was a late night, but not quite as late as last night. I was very confused & upset, being told “Nothing happened”. I couldn’t help doubting

[And the scrapbook entry, providing no clue about my emotional condition:]

Weather’s mostly overcast, although there’s not much rain After breakfast time (& a swim) the airhorn sounded & we had an assembly to run through the camp routine. 6 groups & 6 activities were to fill Monday & Tuesday. The groups were mainly of alphabetical order [by surname] Eg: Jemima in group A, me & fiona in group B, monique in group E and Erica in group F. Group B (ours) did “personalities”. Were given out name of one person to write 6 nice things (known as “warm fuzzies” about. The main ‘object’ of this group was to discover differences in arguments. Eg: aggressiveness (aggression!).. we talked about things like smoking, homosexuals, etc. After a free-time break, we did second activity . . canoeing. Justine & I went in Mr Dobe’s canoe .. the safest! Fiona, with Alan & the others had trouble first… we didn’t get too far, before Mr Dobe decided the weather was too bad to carry on. Lunch & free time next (& a swim, of course, for me, anyway) then the last activity for today; the bushwalk . . fantastic. HA HA . . most of it was along bitumen road . . up to a lookout (through some rain of course) & back (oh. .blisters!). another swim & free-time for dinner. Tonight a big bonfire was lit & there was ‘mass’ joke-telling… we sat dozing on David’s lie-low .. Erica, Monique, Cameron, Chris & David. After there was a (sort-of) dance (but I party-pooped & stayed in our tent) When that finished we were allowed time before lights out, so we had some visitors . . Linda & Justine to mention a few. [Some of the ‘comforters’ or ‘reassurers’ I spoke of in my diary, perhaps?] we all (not me though) ate corn chips & hot dip. Rather a late night.

Camp Preparations Begin… ACE! (29 January)

Published on January 29, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Thursday 29/1//87

Well, we talked again today. T’was O.K. He found his letter in my bag (plastic bag – I’d better use my port tomorrow; feel silly cos’ everyone else is. [Yeah, and um, didn’t you just buy a new one? Can’t think why I would be taking just a plastic bag to school] Think I have worms) [Ok! If that isn’t the most random thing to say? And maybe too much information? Just, maybe?] and told him it was only for Jemima’s eyes. See, he rang me.. (yesterday he came over; in Jason P’s car with him & Cameron just stopped for a minute or two, in the gutter) and we talked a fair bit. [Privacy omission] The main thing was I talked about people. Asking him all the girls- he told me who he hated etc. Up to [privacy omission] he was secretive. I asked but he said “we had a few words before you arrived at the party” – (Angie J’s) I asked the “outcome” – “good and bad.” I rang fi straight after. She made me feel a bit better. [She was a great listener, and her objectivity almost always helped me through my issues & insecurities. Until the next time…] I spent the rest of the night cutting up pictures (magazines) in my room. It’s now about 8:45 & I haven’t had a shower yet. STINKING HOT.

[And the story per my scrapbook:]

Erica is in my biology class as well. FANTASTIC. This will be an ACE year. . .an ACE camp to start it. Began preparations for camp. Our group (of course) is Jemima, Fiona, Monique, Erica & myself. Would never have guessed, right?!!

[We created an acronym from the first initials of our names, which we used to ‘label’ everything: J.E.F.E.M. J-emima, E-rica, F-iona, E-lissa, M-onique. The picture below actually comes from Saturday’s page in the scrapbook.]

Mucking Around, Love Signs & Jaffles (19-25 January)

Published on January 19, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 19/1/87

Blitz day! I got a letter and a card! In his letter there were some really gorgeous things. – it started Hi cutey! The best I’ve received yet. Um, I went with mum & Jules .. we stayed at [dad’s] work a long time talking to dad & Jenny (mostly about my career) Shit what am I going to do? [The very same anxiety pretty much all high school kids experience…] After went to Earlville. I bought 2 cards One for mark for ‘fun’ like his and one for Valentine’s day. Also, Countdown Diaries have been sold out everywhere. Shit. Then after a very hot, boring afternoon, Mark rang, inviting me to Angie J’s party Wed. night. That means Robbie’ll be there (saw him in town too; dodged outta sight!) OH NO! No worries; I’ll be with Mark. [so you think: things rarely go to plan] So we talked for ages when I rang back. We’re going to Devil’s tomorrow. I have to ring him 9:05. God it’s hot. We still need more rain than we’ve been getting.

Tuesday 20/1/87

Well today, mum woke me with 2 letters from Monique. She’s having a ball by the sounds of it. I waited till about 10:20 to ring Mark. At 11:30 I got there. He was already there – had been for a dip. At Devil’s I jumped off the “cliff”. once. (!!) [I don’t know if you would call it a cliff – but it was a sheer, sudden drop into the water from its edge. It wasn’t a very popular swimming hole.] we were talking & mucking around. Went to Brimsmead shop sat for ages. Mucking around. Saw Judy (Judy F.) walking past. And she saw us. (!!) [the double exclamation marks potentially referring to the thought “great, word will get around”…] We went back to another nearby (shallow) place for swim again. Mucked around. Was really nice there. Got out & talked & mucked around. Then finally back to the shop. And there, while mucking around, I (looking through his wallet) [I have a feeling this was not as bad as it sounds… almost like I’d been given permission… he may have been sitting right there…] found an ‘old’ love note from Nicole. I didn’t read it but it was signed off, “from [privacy omission] Nicole” (typing) I thought why is he keeping it? I’m a little worried now. Anyway his wallet, sunnies & tape (UB40) are here – thought he’d be seeing me 2morrow. Rang him. & Fi. She’s coming to the party. It’s 11:30. Gonna watch a show now, then flop. I’m exhausted. An O.K. day. Wished it could’ve been a bit different. [How exactly?]

Wednesday 21/1/87

Waste of time waiting up to watch that show. Wasn’t good at all. So today mum woke me at 8:00. I was tired & grumpy. Went to Nana’s. Was boring I was so hot. [From memory, Nana lived in a little brick shoe-box of a unit, that had very poor ventilation. Back in the 80’s air-conditioning was not standard in rental properties.] Went to town after to do various things. Saw Mark & Keith on the the way!! Got my new skool shoes (just like my other ones) & did grocery shopping. At home I thought about the party. [As you read on, it turns out that we weren’t actually invited, so I was feeling uncomfortable about potentially gate-crashing…] I rang Fi. She didn’t want to go either. When Mark rang, he made “compromise”. He’d ask Angie when he got there if Fi & I could come & ring us up. That we did. At about 8:45 we left. Martin took us there. Talked to Mark a little; walked round. It was BORING. At 10:30, Mark, me, Fi, Sharon, Keith, Michelle walked to Croc. Rock. → only 2 or 3 streets away. I got in easily Fi didn’t but later; yes – without even paying [the cover charge, evidently …that was probably only $3 or something dirt cheap like that]! Mark & I spent a lot of time in Smithy’s talking – mucking around. The “others” came & went as they pleased. We held hands for sometime ..later in the morning. Soon it became natural holding hands all the time. then, arms → [the arrow led across to the next page of the diary…]

Thursday 22/1/87

round each other.. then I was meant to go with Fiona (& Martin) but she, being really happy [for me] & great friend convinced Terry to give me a lift home. Then it happened after she left. We were standing near a bar when Heather (blind) came over, raving on. Told us how “fucking gorgeous” we looked together and to “kiss”. Yes but it was yuk.. [because… awkward! But…] when she left… It wasn’t. we stood there for ages. It was beautiful. [Of course! What other descriptive would a lovestruck teenaged girl use?] Then eventually, they were coming in the same car. At 4:30 we left. We made so many stops. Mark was being gorgeous. [Privacy omission] Then he left at his place. Sad. Terry & Harry wanted to go to Freshy Ck. Sharon didn’t mind. So we stayed there till it got light. (Boring for me – my mind on Mark.) [of course…] Sharon rode my bike home. I had ≈ 2hrs sleep. Couldn’t sleep again, the rest of the day. Watched TV. Mark rang around 6:15. Saying ‘nice things. Gorgeous things. He wants to see me tomorrow. I rang Sharon – she’s gonna ride my bike here. I can’t wait – I want to see Mark again too. I’d spend my time with him rather than anyone else Is 9:40. I’m not even tired. Just boiling hot. Mark ♥♥♥

Friday 23/1/87

Today I ate nothing – only tonight – for dinner. I had a piece of bread & butter and an egg waffle. [I meant ‘jaffle’, but I think we might have grown up calling them waffles (which explains why I was so puzzled when I first heard about North American waffles years later, served up with bacon & maple syrup). Jaffles differ from ordinary toasties in that they’re sealed shut at the edges. Before electric toasted sandwich makers, there were a ‘jaffle irons’ (see pic) which we used to take camping.] See, sharon came round about 8:30 and I rang mark at 9:00. he said to ring him back when Sharon had gone (which was about 10:45) and we’d leave for Devil’s. Spent 1st 2hrs or so in water, mucking round with a stone few little kisses. Lying in the shade, together for another 1 or 2 hrs, then for another swim some other place for an hour or so. After sat for another 1/2hr & 1/2hr “saying goodbye” That was a yummy part. I rang him tonight. We can’t decide what to do on the weekend.. I must ring him tomorrow arvy with more suggestions. Watching the movie now. Was 36º at 10:00am today – dropped back to 35º rest of the day. Reckon be the same tomorrow. I’ll watch the cricket I guess. Tonight’s phonecall was boring – I said he’d get sick of seeing me. [Oh gawd…] He said never. I hope so. Am proud about my appetite. I wasn’t hungry with Mark. Wonder if that means anything. [Um, duh! Loss of appetite is just one of many symptoms or side-effects of ‘Being in Love’ and there’s science to back it up! Check out this article on live science.com website: it lists all the Signs… my little 16 year old self was displaying pretty much all of them…] 10:35 now. Should ring Fi sometime. And moni’s comin’ home sunday!! ACE!

Saturday 24/1/87

Slept in till about 9:00. I watched TV for a while in the morning, then for the rest of the day cut things out of my ’84 Dollys and tidied up (sorted out) the pile of junk on a dining chair, that has been there for days. Am watching the movie. . .a special about the history of musicals/broadway. It’s 10:00. I rang Mark around 5:00. He sounded fine for the first few minutes but the ultimate boredom of the phone call soon took effect. That must change. Anyway I’m ringing him tomorrow night to find out about going to Crystals on Australia Day with Terry (& the “mob” – Monique!) Was so hot – 36º max. But got a (kind of) storm late this arvy – and it’s still raining. Oh, I’m now being overwhelmed with fatigue: I’m bloody tired. Ate more today 3 pieces toast, banana, 4 shredded wheatmeal biccys & some crumbed steak & cheese & milk. And water & diet coke. [Ugh! Diet Coke. It’s frightening how much of that crap we consumed; sometimes mum, Julia and I would go through a 1.5 litre bottle in one day. Disgusting.] Pity, that!! Oh well. I’m looking slimmer I think. monique left Brissy today! HOORAY! [She would have been coming home by bus, which used to be the cheapest way to travel back then. It took a painful 24-26 hours as well, but airfares were just way too expensive in the 80’s.]

Sunday 25/1/87

Woke to a putrid, stinking hot day. Mum washed the windows. After helping a little, I cut out magazine pictures. Did that all morning (under my fan) till we went to see Nana. In hospital [to this day I am not certain what exactly my grandmother’s health issues were, apart from rheumatoid arthritis, and therefore have no idea why she was hospitalised], we just sat watching cricket, Jules & I. Was boring. When we got home, Monique called me, asked me over for the night. I rode over at about 4:20. Got there about 4:45. Her pool is HOT!! [No shade = tepid pool water] We talked, then rode to the video shop & got out NIGHT PATROL (embarrassing the guy made us ring Mrs P. to get her consent cause it was an ‘R’ rated movie.) Back home, we rushed off to Pizza Hut to get our pan pizza. I rang mark when I got back. He hadn’t decided what he was doing tomorrow. I suggested he ring us, tomorrow. Then after saying bye, Moni & I had pizza & during the video (sick!) [as in, crap. “Sick” had not positive connotations back then] Fiona rang. She’s coming over tomorrow for the day. Had a late night.

The Belly Fixation, A Disappointing Date & Immersion in Fiction (12-18 January)

Published on January 12, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 12/1/87

It was hell trying to get to sleep last night. To bed at 10:00; I could not sleep… lay moving frequently, ended up listening to the radio. About 2:00 I would’ve gotten to sleep I don’t know why I was so restless. Anyway, I woke rather early (??) It was hot. After mum left, Jules & I sunbaked till 9:50. (My stomach’s looking nice ‘n’ brown!) [Ah that stomach. It’s been the (physical) bane of my life.] Time went quickly. Around 11:30 Mark rang (he’d just woken up.) Talked for over an hour …going to [see the movie] Aliens on Wednesday night! (Julia wants to come too) I think I might’ve hung up on a bad note, hope not. Went to Kmart & Earlville with mum & Jules after – got more new socks & new singlets! That’s it, though. I want one of those tops, sleeveless with a high (turtle) neck. For Wed night. Fi rang (well I rang her) Justine F’s going to Brissy & wants us to go to Pancake House Wednesday night. Can’t wait! I can go, then go to [the Cinema] Capri from there. Then Croc Rock with Mark after the movies. oooh! I can’t wait! my stomach seems to be going flatter & browner! Must tone it up. Ooh, everything’s going good! Had an 1½-2 hr phone call from Beka→ all about Mark nearly. Is 10:35. wonder if I’ll get to sleep alright tonight?

Tuesday 13/1/87

Here I was, trying to sleep in (rather effortlessly for once! Yahoo!) & mum comes in . . “it’s Sharon. She wants to know if you’d like to go to the movies.” It was 7:30. [The point being, no movies began screening before 9:30am, so why did she have to disrupt my slumber?] I did though. Labyrinth is EXCELLENT. I love fantasy. That Is pure fantasy – beautiful romance. I loved it! God it’s hot. Walked round for awhile after. Caught 3:15 bus home- Mima, fi & polly also did! At home, read the letter Mark sent me. [I’m assuming a new one had arrived] It really is cute. Some gorgeous things – calling me “Princess” [back then, being a ‘Princess’ had no negative connotations…] and saying about my “cute giggle” and wants to think of me (wants me to send him a tape with me talking & laughing!) HaHa! Cute! So I wrote one back immediately. Rode to shops & posted it immediately. Have tried to ring him but is engaged. (for finalities on plans for tomorrow night.) [Desperado!] Oh dear. […you said it!] Am really looking forward to it! Is 8:55. Should I try again? [Really? I’m surprised mum let you. It was a kind of unspoken rule in our household that it was rude (inconsiderate) to call people after 8pm.] Why not? [Because it’s ‘too late’?] Nope – still engaged. Maybe their phone’s on the blink? [“on the blink” is Aussie slang for “not working”] Hot night.

Wednesday 14/1/87

A Life in Words — my top wasn’t that fitted, nor that short…

I can’t quite remember what I did today .. I think I woke and went to Smithfield Shopping Centre with mum to do the grocery shopping. I got a white sleeveless midriff high necked (turtlenecked) T shirt. At home I (can’t remember really what I did.). sunbaked for a while. About 5:00 or so I began to get ready. I wore my navy & white striped singlet dress as a skirt on (just above) my hips with Jules’ white belt, my new shirt & black shoes. [I can clearly picture this outfit. We were pretty creative with our outfits back then, thanks to the likes of Madonna, Boy George, Cyndi Lauper et al, who spawned the messy, layered fashion trend.] My hair was loaded with hairspray [aka Madonna/Cyndi L]. Picked up fi. Stayed short time at Pancake House – Justine, Leanne, Linda, Fiona, Mima & Brent were there when we (Jules Amanda & I) left. At Capri I saw him & Keith as soon as I walked in, but walked straight over to the ticket box. I sat. They “fretted” about tickets – the price. Eventually walked in when the attendant wasn’t there! Anyway nothing happened. [As in, no “making out”. As if it would, with his mate sitting right there with us.] I watched the movie – almost all of it & best I did was hold on to Mark’s jacket sleeve (wrap my arm around his kind of.) Aliens wasn’t really scary at all. After, we found Fi downstairs. She’d waited 1½hrs for us. [Poor pet] Went with [privacy omission]‘s dad [another parent complicit in our underage clubbing?] to Croc. Rock→ [story continued over the page…]

Thursday 15/1/87

for the first time ever (at C.R.) I wasn’t asked for ID at all & for the 1st time ever Keith & Mark were! 3 of us walked up. Fi got in later only about 10-15mins later. Was rather dull that night. We did dance “My Favourite Waste of Time” came on. Mark wasn’t into dancing that night. It was rather dull… I got depressed & that’s caused my day-long depression today. I think now that I made a mountain out of a molehill. Just some things about “marriage” [?!] & Mark doesn’t like my moodiness. [I think it’s fair enough to feel a bit crappy if you feel you’re being criticised.] I was quite depressed and the night did not end on a high note. In fact, I worried & was very moody all day today. I wonder why he never calls me and other things like that. Does he really care? How much does he care? There was a girl he talked to a lot whom I thought was [privacy omission] The girl he used to “love”. I worry too much. [Ya think? At least you’re aware of it…] I watched TV mostly read children’s literature to stop thinking. [Possibly why I love movies and books to this day: healthier forms of escapism than, say, drugs…] Beka rang then came over And I rang Fi tonight. She makes so much sense. I wish I had her attitudes to life. [I clearly didn’t have a clue back then that you could train your ‘attitudes’…] SO HOT 2DAY Is 10:05 GOT ABOUT 5HRS SLEEP THIS MORNING ∼5 till 10

Friday 16/1/87

Today I immersed myself in fiction again, but watching a bit more TV as well (who says that’s not fiction?) of course it is. [Oooh, some premature wisdom there!] My appetite was small I was surprised. [Stress can kill appetite] It was very hot. I was very tired. We went to see Nana in the afternoon. I ate 2 icecreams on the way home. [Emotional eating. Food as a crutch.] I feel and look slimmer, concerning my stomach. All I need is to exercise. My diet’s OK. (I mean concerning Kj intake – not nutrients) [At least I was aware of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ food and the notion of ’empty calories’] I need to burn my energy a bit faster. I think a little about Mark. I am not so worried anymore (superficially that is – I worry, deep inside, all the time. [Fantastic! Chronic Stress. The thing that underlies the majority of illnesses and even death.] More so, now) If I rang, what would I say? We must get in contact again before school or things could change (for worse.. ) I should send him the tape of me. Maybe letters are the best. I’m chicken (at the moment) to ring him & he will not willingly ring me. [Good god, I wish I could shake my young self! How useful the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” could have been back then…] I wish I could be sure he felt a lot for me. I hope he does. [10:00]

Saturday 17/7/87

Today I ate and watched TV. Nothing unsusal or exciting. Late this afternoon & right on through till now I have been going through the section on classical mythology in the Pear’s cyclopaedia getting all the ‘gods’. Haven’t finished yet. But today was hot & boring. Julia tried to get me on tape, but I resisted & she got shitty with me. [Sweet little sister; trying to propagate my potential relationship by fulfilling my ‘suitor’s’ wish… and promptly cracking the shits when I fail to comply…] God it’s hot!! Didn’t, obviously go to work today. Gonna listen to the radio again for as long as I wish – I can sleep in – – we hang towels over our louvres so our rooms are dark in the mornings – works well – I woke about 9:15 this morning! Did you know I’m in Greek myth? (Actually, yes: I have related this little tale (although with different details) in a previous post: click here if you’d like to re-visit it.] Elissa (Dido) daughter of a King [of “Tyre”] 2 stories – but in both I commit suicide. Nice, huh? Maybe I should do just that. [Wow, heavy.] I keep wondering about Mark. Want to, but don’t want to ring him. He is so gorgeous. I love him, do I? [???] 10:00

Sunday 18/1/87

I finished “gods” research in classical myth. And read about the Zodiac signs as much as possible. Otherwise for the rest of the day (most of it), I listened to the radio & watched cricket – Australia actually won! Jules & I were freaking every time they got one [a batter, I assume] out! Rang Fi tonight – she can’t do anything tomorrow – going to town with her mum. Also rang Mrs P – she wasn’t certain, but Monique’s coming home on the 25th; she rang me right after! [we definitely shared some freaky incidents, that girl and I…] From Brissy! She’s coming back with Cameron! Believe it or not the one who’s s’posed to hate her. I didn’t ring Mark. I might tomorrow night – saying I’m going crazy with boredom. Tomorrow tho’, we’re going to “book” Jules in .. I think. [And “I think” this referred to her moving to Cairns High. She’d witnessed the changes that the switch to ‘CHS’ had brought me, so followed suit in the hope that her life would change ‘for the better’ too.] Boy it’s hot. Woke early this morning to a downpour. Got a sprinkle this arvy ‘n’ that was it. Crikey gee! Hangin’ out for a letter from MW tomorrow. Hope 10:25

First New Year’s Pash & A Gutful of Worry (1-4 January)

Published on January 1, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Thursday 1/1/87

At 12:00, I hugged Ben, Sharon then Robbie. I knew it [was going to happen] straight away – we kissed. Then danced. Danced slow. Sat.. he went to dance, kissed me on the neck. It was wierd. I felt sick. I so badly wanted mark. I felt really confused. About 1:45 we left. Holding hands to taxi rank – far too crowded- no taxis in sight. [Sounds like your average New Year’s Eve scenario!] Rang their mum. Sat in the back holding hands. I felt so tired and sick, in the stomach. I was repulsed. Got to sleep, at home, around 3:30 I’d say, after getting ready for bed, talking & me worrying myself sick. [Sharon obviously staying at my house: I may be a bit insane but I’m fairly sure I didn’t talk to myself that often.] Woke about 9:30. Still worrying Couldn’t talk to Sharon – she doesn’t understand I can tell. Went to her place today going to go to beach, but didn’t. Got a video. Had a water fight. Left ∼4:30. I rang Monique a little while ago; on the phone for ages. I almost started crying sometimes. She’s leaving tomorrow. [For a holiday in Brisbane; her original home. They had only lived in Cairns for the past year, moving up as her father was transferred for work.] What am I to do? Sharon wants to do everything with B&R. (Well, Ben anyway) I tried to ring Mark. “he’s not home yet ..have no idea where he is” what am I to think about that? [I know what I’d think NOW…] Oh why do I get myself into so much trouble? [What trouble? You mean Stress. Well, it wasn’t really cataclysmic…] I love you Mark. I want you.

Friday 2/1/87

Woke 6:30. I’m not used to all the light in my bedroom, after Jodie’s dark (curtained) bedroom. [Aha, no wonder I love my blockout curtains now!] Makes me angry that I can’t sleep in. [Touché] I waited for 8:30→9:00 to come – for the mail & Mark’s letter but heard on 8:30 news – Aust. Post shut today. How slack. I was so upset. Cried. I was so tense & anxious today. About 9:00 I was driven to Freshy – got my haircut – the bob is almost visible. Could be lucky – could nearly grow out before school!! Fringe cut, too. I love it! So much easier to handle. But I was, of course, still upset. After spending less than an hour in town looking for shirts (unsuccessfully) went home. Did nothing. So worried – so restless. Rang Sharon later. She’d talked to Ben – said Robbie acting as if nothing happened. Somehow, it didn’t really relieve me. Nana came over – I was too unsocial cos’ of my worry. After dropping Nana home (gorgeous rain & thunderstorm) I finally worked up the nerve – I rang him. And it was GREAT! [Wow, ALL that worry for ‘nothing’] We’re going to see a movie sometime!! [“sometime”? that’s a nice ‘loose’ commitment…] Can you believe it? Lady Luck: I love you!! [Now this is just silly. What the hell has ‘Lady Luck’ got to do with anything?] It’s 10:05. I’m happy again. [sheesh!] Mark’s adorable!

Saturday 3/1/87

I woke after 7:00, believe it or not! And I had to ring Sharon – I thought she’d have forgotten. Around 10:15 they came. We went to Earlville. Did very little constructive. [What is there to do at a shopping centre that’s truly ‘constructive’?] Met the guy “Jim” who was with us at Nighthawkes on New Years. I felt embarrassed whenever they (Sharon or he) mentioned Robbie or Gemilla. [Oh that’s right, Robbie had a girlfriend? No wonder I was so stressed – I mean, on top of my other concerns. Interestingly, what I didn’t then know was that Gemilla was starting Year 12 at Cairns High this year as well…. Ooops!] Mrs W came about 12:15. We had (big) lunch at Dormay’s Cafe, then dropped into my place. Picked up togs and some stuff. Mrs W dropped Sharon, me & Nida (her dog (rat dog chiwawa?)) at Kamerunga. It rained. Hard. We walked all the way to annemaries. I had to carry the towels & dog & lilo (to keep it dry) while Sharon pranced round. Mrs W got us soon after. Watched Police Academy III after a pig-out at smithfield shopping centre. I stayed the night – Sharon taught me to play backgammon – Excellent game. After watching a really sick video, [‘sick’ didn’t have any ‘positive’ connotations back then, unlike today …besides its actual definition, it only meant either ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’] we crashed.

Sunday 4/1/87

Woke, after brekky played backgammon [Do you think I have any idea how to play it now? I don’t think I have actually played it since then.] That’s about all we did until mum picked me up at 10:00. A very boring day at home. I did crosswords from old magazines, watched cricket and ate. I’m angry – my appetite’s been rather small lately and now I go and stuff it up. Wish I could do something. If Monique was here, I could do lots – I get really sick of Sharon rather quickly. It’s 11:55 Really hot today. A bit of rain – but not really enough to cool it down. Crikey – I think I need an early night soon. I wish Mark’d hurry up and ring me. I can’t wait to go out.

A Flat Tyre, Mistaken Identity & the First Kiss (25-31 August)

Published on August 25, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 25/8/86

Was average day. Rumours spread about Fi, Monique & I smoking at the party. I told everyone I wasn’t. (But the others were) Bludge in triple art – Ms Marsland was away. Funny in chemistry. I used a tap and the pressure (air block or something caused a ‘reaction’ in my measuring cylinder – I dropped everything & had a heart attack!! I was shaking so badly!! It was bloody hilarious. Also saw little of Mark ie: at big lunch didn’t see him but he came to school early today & was wearing a blue shirt! […and the significance of that is? I can only assume that I might’ve been wearing the same colour…and being occasionally prone to superstitious notions, this could have represented an ‘omen’!] On the way home on the bus, we had a blow out, bloody scary too!!! Big explosion sound. Dust flew in the windows! But after long delay we kept going with the flat tyre. [Really? I’m not really au fait with automotive stuff but I thought that was a seriously bad thing to do?] And tonight I answered the phone. Some chic Alison reckons she cleans nana’s flat and I thought it was Sharon – I played along “Alright Sharon” getting a bit bored “cut the crap. What do you want?” “Can I speak to your mother?” I obliged. Mum said “Oh, Alison, Hi!!” SHIT! I was so embarrassed!!!! FUNNEE!! SHAME. SKINTED SEVERELY. Said Hi to Mark & Steven (Steven mainly) & he did nothing Ha. I made another effort

[The diary had ‘Week 35’ printed near the date and I did a calculation (see pic) to ascertain how many weeks were left in the year. Seems to have elicited a response that’s hard to decipher.]

Tuesday 26/8/86

Very boring day. Actually not! In Bio, had our test – I forgot all about it but – it was easy – I passed, no sweat (But how good did I do? . . .) Ms Marsland wants 30hrs now, due Friday SHIT! Maths boring. At big lunch Fi, mima & Sharon & I rode to town. Ordered a bouquet of flowers for Monique & went to woolies. Pigged out. Were very late. 20 mins into 6th period we rode back … Becca G, Judy, Donna & Sandie were walking. Mr Stodford .. Oh no! we didn’t get revved but Becca & Co did… Ms Marsland let me off the hook, but not the others! (Nah, she just “talked” to them) Standing with Fi at bike racks = Lynette C was talking with Mark. We stood there too!!! Finally walked off! Then saw him as we stopped to pump up my tyres. He said something to mima – we didn’t hear it tho. Hunk! Bought, in town, mima’s prezzy: TRUE BLUE record by Madonna. I was taping it & found it buckled on side 2. [Hilarious! Buy a gift for someone else but make sure it serves your own purposes first!!] Did no HW. 9:15 Got mim’s swatch re swapped also M. Mouse watch working again.

Wednesday 27/8/86

Again he talked; to Lynette C. & Fi was with them, we were waiting for her (at a distance) to ride to swimming. Mima came ½ way thru’: Brent was talking to a Yr 9 girl & been ignoring her all day; was really upset. We rode back to near service stn diagonally acoss from school oval & waited ages for Adam G, & Benji (we rode with them to school today) I thought Mark would’ve gone; but no- he came & mima reckons “let’s give him the fingers” so she did & he stopped & came & talked!! (Didn’t look at me once – shy!!! I hope???) Got home late. Bugared at speech (before we raced into town to check Madonna record – was just our record needle – too old – record’s not buckled at all.) Asked Fi; she said mima really wants that record great huh? And she doesn’t think any one else got it 4 her. Tired; did little HW (only Chem) wrote (sad) note to mima for her birthday. Busy day. Fun 4 mime tomorrow. Monique was really embarrassed this morning, EVERYONE sang H. B’day!! & hung signs!! Wonder what she thort of our flowers

Thursday 28/8/86

I think I’d better give up on Mark. He had the biggest fight with Tricia today and so many people have said that he’s with Nicole C now (they kissed etc) BITCH. She’s got what she wants. And Mark. FUCKING PRICK. He is gutless and a bastard. [Upset much?] Mima’s B’day. I gave her my note after I got off the bus. She rang & invited me up; Fi read it and got teary (!!) Had B’day Cake & we (mim & I) went to Earlville. Mark was there (with his family skint – was dressed dag YUK) and saw Ben & Richard, Justine, Sharon, Steven B. and some others. FUCKING BASTARD I wish I could talk to Cameron – but he’s the biggest snob. How can I trust the dumb bastard? If he likes me, why does he do this? Is he so dumb that he thinks it won’t affect me? HE IS DUMB. A big sucker. EGOmanic, sorry-for-himself [?], BASTARD. I wish I could be a bitch to him. I wish he’d crawl to me. [hilarious!] BASTARD. [Yeah, I reckon pretty upset…] 9:55

Friday 29/8/86

I am so bloody confused. And upset. I don’t know anything: does he like me or not? Judy said he’s not going out with Nicole cos she asked her. Well, so what? [Maybe I hadn’t heard of ‘casual sex’ at that stage?] I still don’t know what happened Wednesday night … monique said they were kissing … Judy said they weren’t. I wish I didn’t have to, but I think Monique is the one to be believed. She would not lie about that to me. [After all, she eventually became my best friend] Bastard. God I like him so much. Why is he such a bastard? The bad thing is I can’t talk to anyone about it; they don’t understand or don’t want to listen. [Groundwork laid for future Depression? Not talking to people because you think they won’t understand, don’t want to listen AND you don’t want to ‘burden’ them with your ‘Stuff’ anyway?] I am so upset. Party Saturday night. This could be the decider. Oh, I’m so scared & upset & anxious… caught bus into town – julia, fi & I looked for clothes. Julia got a white skirt. Fi got white pants on lay-by. And me? Nothing. What’ll I wear tomorrow night? SHIT. No HW this arvy. Do it all 2morrow.. 9:30. Sleep!!!!!

Saturday 30/8/86

I did my Bio & attempted my Chem & Maths. My english assignment I did not “further”. The day went rather slowly. At about 5:30 I started to get ready. I had eaten lot of junk today! Finally, we left, picked up Fi & got to GREASE. [It was the final performance so the after-party was expected to be big] there were so many familiar faces around! (ie: I knew so many people) It was excellent. Mark was cool. After it, I was informed secretly that Nicole & Him had a big juicy kiss in dressing room. Went to party after ceremonial congratulating and thanking those involved etc. The Party was boring. There were heaps of people; but I was bored. Nicole & Him were together; I was depressed & upset. Judy (after my cry on her shoulder) eventually talked to him after Nicole left, just before everyone migrated to Crocodile Rock (Terry was after Fi) We got there in a cab with Tanya C, Sharon, Fi & I (Judy said Mark didn’t know I liked him so much & he felt really terrible) Croc Rock was excellent; I kept my eye on Mark. [Here I crossed over to the next (Sunday’s) page…]

Sunday 31/8/86

… He danced with Sharon, me with Cameron & Fi with Terry. We danced & danced. After a drink & socialise, danced again (Mark with Fi this time) then again him with Trish & me & cameron. they were dancing really ‘sexy’-ily [by this I think I mean ‘Dirty Dancing’ style…] & kissed now & then… I kept a smile pasted on my face!! Then, after another rest, Mark asked me. I was shy at first (he’s an excellent dancer) he looked at me all the time. Soon I looked at him too. And loosened up dancing. Our faces came really close & I was nervous. We danced for ages then Trish cut in (jealous?) they disappeared & I sat with Cameron. Then back again & we danced again. This time I wasn’t so nervous…we kissed.. we danced & kissed & danced & kissed & kissed it was BLISS Mima & Steven were nearby together! too! we danced & kissed so much. The last dance was True Colours Cyndi Lauper’s new one. We danced slow, close & kissed. I’M IN LOVE!! [Oh my.. *facepalm!] Then we had to wait for a taxi …meanwhile watched a black woman being butch!! At Fi’s at 5:45, mima walked home; Mark, Steven, me Fi & Sharon spent time in Fi’s resting talking laughing; doing nothing. he was so nice to start with then he started getting a bit vicious – pinching my cheeks → It hurt! After that we didn’t talk much. (I am so tired) Got no sleep! Went to mima’s after Sharon left. Guys swam then we all rested – Mark & I slept, mim & Steven? & Fi? (I was asleep!) Walked home. “Sad” to go (??) [Really? After having your face tortured?] See him tomorrow Great. Did nothing at home. Have 2 eng. assign’s to do + art. Is 7:30 now. night!!

Desk Dramas & Study Stress (26 May-1 June)

Published on May 26, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 26/5/86

My room’s such mess→ my new desk is still outside!! All my junk’s on the floor. Didn’t finish english essay. Did a bit of maths & a fair bit of chemistry→ can’t understand it.. Anyway, this Wednesday will be a good one: don’t do recreation! We’re gonna go and watch the soccer guys (Mark!♥) play their final. Great! Ate alot this arvy. Fi has a stye (on her eye, y’know). Bus was so full this arvy. Didn’t get a seat! (Till this girl got off on Sheridan Street) so I didn’t stand for long. 9:36. Am tired. Dunno if we’re riding or not (raining today) Could keep up all night. Talk to Cameron a lot lately. Today on way to school bus, in Chem & Maths & off the bus. Julia’s birthday in 4 days. What’ll I get her?

Tuesday 27/5/86

Piss day. Am not talking to mum & Julia. They’re bitches. Got the new desk into my room and is Fucken too big. I told her & she got all worked up. Then [she] tried to fix around everything makin the biggest fuckin mess you’ve ever seen, then cos I got aggro (wouldn’t you? [hmmm]) she left it for me to clean up. Fuckin mole. And Julia pokin her nose in Bitch – dumb bitch. Now she’s got it. Fuckin shit. Fuckin Fits in her fuckin room. I’ve got a fuckin mess in my room, nowhere to put all my junk. Fuckin stupid bitches. HATE THEM. [The bold typeface represents how hard I’d written these words in my diary: scrawled in anger.] Looking at Mark this morning & he looked at me. Skint. Yum Yum 9:15 HATE HER [Wow, big tanty, huge rant! I recently read somewhere that if you’re kids don’t say they hate you at least once, it means you’re not a good parent. This rant shows just how fantastic my mum was ♥ …or my wicked temper…]

Wednesday 28/5/86

Pregnant. 6 weeks. To Geoff. She told me yesterday. [oooookaaaay. That wouldn’t’ve gone down well. I wasn’t keen on mum’s boyfriend and a half-sibling would’ve further cemented his presence in our lives.] Kept up my “not talking” right up until she left for National Trust meeting. She asked about the calculator. [?] Now I talk a little, but am not affectionate. Speech was funny. Jemima really can’t wait to do it with Brent! They love each other a lot tho’ so I think it’s right. Didn’t watch soccer today. Pity – didn’t get to see Mark. Watched basketball instead. Dwain’s pretty kinda cute in his own way. Game was exciting. Did English assignment (really crappy) and started writing back to Lucy (got a letter from her today) Hafta finish soon. 11:00 now Still didn’t start study for Chem. That’s disgusting. Must

Thursday 29/5/86

Studying chemistry. I’ve done Ch 1, 2 & almost ½ of 3, so I’ve 4, 5 & 9 left and then I’ve gotta start doing practise questions or I’ll fail for sure. there’s so much I have to do and I’m just not going to get it done. Boy will I be glad when this one’s over!! Boring day. Really hard to tell whether Mark likes you or not. Some days you’ll think you’re in, others it looks like he’ll turn around and bite your head off. I don’t care, tho. I like him just the same! Finished my letter to Lucy at school→ worried someone would read it… did write more about Mark in it too. Also fi & mima said Hi. What’ll I do? I can’t fail chemistry. It’s so damned important to my TE score. [This refers to ‘Tertiary Entrance’ score; the rating used to determine the types of studies you would be eligible to apply for at universities. In the early 1990’s the ranking system was revised and the important ‘number’ became the ‘OP’, meaning ‘Overall Position’] Oh well.. 10:16. Am probably the only one awake in the house!

Friday 30/5/86

OH no. Oh yes! I’m sure I’ve failed. Piss. Was nowhere near finishing unit 3 revision (term 1) when mima rang. Mum came home just at the right time to give me a lift up there. I studied a little – Jemima and Fiona weren’t – they’d finished last night, so I couldn’t really concentrate. [Of course not!] Mrs D took us in at 11:30. Got a bit worked up when we got there, but actually in the exam, about 10 mins in, I relaxed a bit. When I think of it I think it was all right, but thinking more, I remember some of the troubles I had. Damn. Anyhow, that’s over with. Have 2 bio exams, art, maths and english to study for now. Oh dear! 11:00 – just moved desk back into my room, fixed up temporarily my stuff & threw out a lot of things (crap)

Saturday 31/5/86

Did no study at all today. Julia [it’s her birthday] got money, brekky in bed, a casket ticket, record, jewellery, voucher and other little things (including glass beads & safety pins → I got 4 no! 5 more friendship pins today!!) I tidied top all my drawers (my old school books & Dolly magazines & my drawers in my desk) And decorated Julia’s cake. And that was it. [Brilliant procrastination!] I could kick myself. I have to do Bio & Maths first tomorrow, then English & Art, then Bio & Maths again, if time allows & hopefully more art & english (doubt it) Cold weather – rainy, windy but I love it. Went out this morning too, to various places. Is 12:12 Went to Coles but didn’t see Mark→ did see the cute guy who helped me pick up the oranges, tho!! Am tired. ‘Moonraker‘ was just on TV James Bond 007

Sunday 1/6/86

I bludged today. But I got all my relevant biology notes done. I’m a little worried about english & more so for maths, but, I’ll wake early tomorrow and see what I can do. I’ll go home after biology exam & do english quotes & revision. Then write out my maths ‘theory’ and later in the night revise art. Before school I’ll read over my english notes, then at lunch I’ll read over art. [LOVE the planning. I still do this…but never manage to get it done as planned.] Should be right! (??I hope) Cheri M Petra & Amanda and Robyn B came around today [all my sister’s friends] (Petra & Cheri for the longest) Cheri’s nice – funny! Still really wet weather. little sun at all→ almost totally continuous rain today. 9:00 now. Am not gonna shave underarms or legs → gonna grow them, then get em waxed!

Rain, Mail, Cricket & a Bubble Bath (13-19 January)

Published on January 13, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 13/1/86

I watched TV & read. Went to Nana’s (I mean, we visited her in hospital.) That was a little boring. [Now I can appreciate how difficult it must have been for my poor nephew and niece when we spent many hours of the day in hospital during the final weeks of my mum’s – their Nana’s – life. Mind you, my Nana wasn’t quite on her deathbed.] Am still writing letter to Lucy. Is now about 18 pages long. It rained continuously today. Mostly, it spat, but there were often heavy downpours. I love the rain. It has stopped now. I am putting on weight. It is quite noticeable, too. I must get out and about. Will ring dad tomorrow & see if there’s any work yet. Also have to get uniforms & books yet. I’ll need a hell of a lot of money. [Hmph! I don’t recall having to buy my own textbooks and school uniforms. This is news to me.] Geez, it’s 10:15 already. Time flies. There was something else I was gonna say, but I forgetten. Damn. OH! I got 9hrs sleep last night! I feel great! no more black bags under me eyes

Tuesday 14/1/86

I read again today, but only a bit of time was spent on Lucy’s letter. I received one from her & she included a ℅ address so I finished up & mum sent it. It costed 60c cos’ it was so big. (It didn’t fit in a normal envelope.) [And of course 60 cents is what we now pay to send standard mail. Actually, in context, that’s not a huge price rise in 28 years. It was 33c back then. Considering fuel and house prices in Australia have respectively tripled and more than quadrupled in the same period of time…] Amanda’s staying here tonight. She & Julia & some others saw Goonies today. Australia also beat New Zealand in day/night cricket. Is 9:37. Wanna sleep straight away. Justine phoned me 2night & we’re going to town tomorrow. Still no work from dad. Need to buy uniforms etc. Am terrified about Cairns High. Absolutely frightened [and in red ink, evidently added at a later date] petrified [I had never changed schools in my life, apart from the obligatory move from primary to high school, so I was extremely nervous about the whole thing. Remember I’m quite the introvert and not bursting with self confidence. But I can now say it turned out to be one of the best moves in my life.]

Wednesday 15/1/86

Saw Sean♥ in town. Justine thinks I like him – I’m trying to convince her it’s just curiosity. It’ll be hard. I’ll get to see him all next year – but there’ll be other spunks. Also saw Anna & believe it or not, Donna C. She recognised me too! Shane & Clayton were also in town. We just walked around. Justine looked for black pants. We went to her dad’s work for lunch. Then later caught the bus home to her place. Watched “Monkees” on video & swam. Cooked tea again tonight. Wonder if sean recognised, let alone saw me today. Hope so! It’s 10:20.

Thursday 16/1/86

I went up to Fi’s at about 10:00 today. She read Lucy’s letter & the one she had just received from Fran. I went home soon after, cos’ Julia didn’t want me to be away for long. [I’m assuming here that mum was obviously out at work, and Julia and I were finally considered capable of staying home unsupervised. Heck, I’d hope so by age 15½] Fi rang a little later in the day – around 3:00 she came down. We talked & watched the cricket. The Australians were flogged by the Indians. I wrote a letter to Fran & another short one to Lucy, then I had paper ready to write a small one to Jodie & Michael, but Fi came. More rain today. The mosquitoes are consequently BAD. They’re biting me now. Had a great big rainstorm. Stood in the yard & watched it come!! Getting uniforms 2morrow. Is 9:45.

Friday 17/1/86

Did the vacuuming this morning & I was dripping with perspiration ALL OVER. Wet. My dress was sopping wet. [Ain’t nuthin’ like the humidity in the tropics!] After, went to see Nana & got my uniforms & some books. My chemistry book is gi-normous. And is heavy. Walked to Fi’s around 3:00. Took my stuff to show her. Mum’s started 1 of my skirts. [Mum made most of our school uniforms for as long as I can recall. Skirts mostly because they’re the easiest, but I do recall her making a few of my primary school dresses as well. “Such a clever mummy!” And I actually recall her saying that, laced with humour, to her very modest self, about herself, in her rare ‘proud’ moments.] Talked – did mainly nothing, so I left around 4:30. Had fresh mushrooms for tea. They’re growing in the park – they are edible & harmless & yummy too! they’re even nice raw!! Is HOT today. OH NO! Another late night! Is 10:45. My hair’s getting long. Posted letters to Fran & Lucy 2day.

Saturday 18/1/86

Today we played cards & our tapes. Fiona (from next door) F. gave me a fountain pen (very old, dirty & cracked but useable) + 5 cartridges (1 black + 4 red/pink.) I gave her $4 in return (mum’s money, actually) Very, very HOT today. New Zealand won day/night cricket against India. Good. That means India won’t overtake us. Hooray! We, in turn, must beat N.Z. tomorrow We will. 11:00 – I just watched the movie. Rains still (just a little) My hair’s growing fast – can’t do anything with it. SHIT HAIR. [Fine but thick (lots of it) my hair was too straight and soft to set in any style. It just wouldn’t stay where it was put. Very frustrating for a teenaged girl.] Mum made my shorts – cuties – tiny coloured dots + 1pr for her & 1pr for Jules. [Yep, mum on a roll at the sewing machine…]

Sunday 19/1/86

Today, I watched cricket (Australia beat NZ – and as a result, are far ahead of India & NZ!!! unreal) Lotsa rain today. In fact – non-stop. (mainly spitting) overcast all day – not too hot.. Couldn’t see “View to A Kill” cos of the rain – bit useless at a Drive In Mucked around abit. Had a bubble bath tonight. Lovely & relaxing. Lotsa toads & frogs cos of the rain. I’ve also run out of Beconase spray. OH NO!! Found a good way to wear my hair – parted further down the right side – easier to keep it apart from the main fringe. [‘Height’ was a prominent characteristic of mid 80’s hairstyles so teasing came back into mode, along with truckloads of hairspray. Doubled by girls with slippery fine hair like mine. I built a habit of impromptu teasing by rubbing my palm in circles at the site of my part, which created an impressive birds nest-style knot, but also the much-needed, highly-desired ‘body’ I continually lost. It worked well to semi-ressurect my hairstyle temporarily, but I don’t think I ever considered how it had the potential to thin the hair growth on that side of my head. I’m certainly not bald in that spot, but there’s definitely less sprouting from the right side of my scalp than there is on the left. By the way, I still part from the right to this day.] Getting more & more nervous ’bout school. [The closer it gets…] Having early night. Is 8:50.

Stressing, Riding & the Potty-Mouthed Doctor (28 October-3 November)

Published on October 28, 2013August 14, 2018 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 28/10/85

Mum made me apply for a job this morning. I rang up & the woman said I had to paint scenes & things on to coral, wood etc to be sold at Rusty’s Bazaar. Have to go round at 7:15pm tomorrow night for an ‘interview’ Don’t want to – probably are hoons. [Ha! I’ve no idea why I made this assumption about my potential employers, but the fact that mum “made me” apply for the job in the first place is very enlightening. It has made me realise just how much faith she had in my artistic abilities. She would never have forced me to get a job just to earn money – after all, I had work with my dad for that. No, she wanted me to advance my talent. Every so often, even in these later years (I haven’t done any art for decades now) mum would suggest or ask why I don’t do some drawing/painting/art again. She really believed in me. Perhaps I should try again, if only for her.] Anyhow, my interview at CHS went alright. Astia & Ingrid are accepted. Fran came late. Isn’t going to attend even if she is accepted cos’ she’s going to Sydney. I’m having doubts. At school everyone wanted to know how I went. Mrs Marslen was s’posed to ring me & tell me tonite but hasn’t rung yet. Elisia’s also in it & Neville too. & Michelle W. Fairly boring day. Didn’t see Tim at all but was sure he was here. Had a camp meeting. Retrieved my drink bottle!! Heapsa HW didn’t get started till late therefore [I often used 3 dots in the shape of a triangle instead of the word ‘therefore’ because someone had once told me it was shorthand for it] finished late. Is 9:30.

Tuesday 29/10/85

Didn’t go to that interview – rang up & informed that lady that I wasn’t a ‘painter’ & that I was coming into exams & would be too busy to work anyway. She said “that’s alright. Thanks for calling.” [Hmmm, excuses, excuses?] Watched last part of flying doctors mini-series. Was sad & happy but great news is it’s coming on as a programme next year!!! UNREAL!! Fiona is ‘happy’ (pretending she is) that I’m going to CHS (& I have not made up my mind yet.) But I know she doesn’t want me to. I’m losing sleep over this thing!! Just don’t know what to do. Mrs Marslen hasn’t even rung me yet to tell me if I am accepted or not. God it’s a worry

Wednesday 30/10/85

Mrs Marslen still hasn’t rung but I got a subject selection booklet for CHS from Sharon D. who got it from her. [There’s a hint, Liss] Just watched the movie. Am bugared now. Went out riding with Lucy this arvy. Wanted to get back at 5:00. Was an hr late, cos at shop, met up with Anna, Polly, Adam, Liam & other boys. They were all so funny – I just had to stay around. Rushed HW, at home still haven’t done any assignments. Better hurry, huh? It’s imperitive now. 2 weeks to exams. I must hurry along. Tim & still very friendly with Joanne B. Tina called her his girlfriend. NOT FAIR. Too tired now is 10:30.

Thursday 31/10/85

I am so mixed up about this art course – its not funny. I am confused & worried. I just don’t know what to do & that teacher still hasn’t rung me. Jeezus! Rode with Lucy this arvy again – but Polly & Anna weren’t with Liam & Adam etc so we didn’t hang around. I got back just after 5:00. HW I did a fair bit + I ACTUALLY STARTED 1 ASSIGNMENT!!! (History.) I wanna finish it & BP tomorrow & on weekend so I can show Mr Van it. He’ll probably say it’s all wrong. Meat head. Got maths chapters to study from. Will do that on weekend as well. Early night (believe it or not!) Am tired. Getting shitty lately. Appetite is also increasing again

Friday 1/11/85

Am tired. Was only one who stayed up tonight. (Movie was slack – I was reading the new Women’s Weekly.) Riding with Lucy this arvy was good. Rode to the shop (bought nothing) then to Freshy Creek Petrol Station & pumped up our tyres – then to Redlynch & around the back streets to Lower Freshy Road stopped at Lower Freshy bridge. Saw Jill & Barry & Dean & Carol B, running then went back to Lucy’s (stopped & saw & talked to Roger M) then after Lucy’s went to shop – ate 5 lollies each then rode home. Enough exercise, huh?!! Have heapsa HW for the weekend mainly ART, BP, HISTORY & ENGLISH (orr & maths/science I s’pose too.) [In other words, for nearly every subject…] See ya round!!!

Saturday 2/11/85

Busy day today!! Went to Dr’s. Rode with Lucy. Completed 1 assignment. And Mrs G. & Lauren & Tiggy came over. At the doctor’s, (Dr McD.) had great big long talks about shaving legs, facial make-up, boy & girl attractions, my bruises, doctor’s exploits & my nose bleed. He swore, too. I was in shock. ‘Cunts’. Mum supposed he thought I’d heard it all before. I couldn’t stop smiling!! [As in, I found it funny?] About my nose, if it doesn’t heal, I’ll have to have the ruptured vein quarterized (burnt) & he said my bruises are just carelessness. Riding with Luc, went on Lower Freshy Circuit, to the church (where Martin P. showed off in riding his dad’s motorbike) to Savina Estate Park, to Beka’s & then home in 1½hrs. Felt good…exercising!! Late nite: is 10:32. Gonna WORK tomorrow!

Sunday 3/11/85

Got BP finished today. Also got cranky about a design for my T-shirt. Just don’t know what to do. Is such a hard choice. Have to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow to finish BP properly, ie write it out correctly and do the illustrations. then I’ll have only 3 (perhaps 4) assignments left!!! Finished working on BP around 3:00 today. Just sat and vegetated, until 6:00 when I watched countdown. Really got upset about the TShirt logo. I just have no idea what to do. None at all. Is 10:30. Just watched a funny movie with Chevy Chase & Goldie Hawn!