Rocky Relations, Ambulance Chasers & the Red Letter Day (20-26 July)

Monday 20/7/87

Why do I bother opening my mouth? It seems every word I utter is ridiculous, stupid & ends up hurting someone (Mark, of course) [With hindsight I can say this is ‘doubtful’] I woke this morning, after an O.K. sleep, to a practically pain-free throat, but it still felt wierd. [I consistently spell this word incorrectly. And I mean, all the time!] I stayed home; sleeping until about 11:30 (on & off) (I think I needed that) As the day progressed I felt better & better. After my  haircut (had trouble, still, talking to Annette; my voice is extremely nasally & feels “false) Beka rang, then Mark. And thats when it happened. I don’t really like some of the things he told me. They got me worried (but, strangely, I’m not, in a way) – he said he sometimes feels hatred for me [well that’s full on…] hatredGreat. No matter how angry or upset I am with him, I could never feel hatred. [Same goes for anyone or anything. Hatred is not in my vocab…] He said his feelings for me “might have” changed. What does that mean? [I think it’s pretty obvious] How could he not like me anymore?? [Remember when your parents split up?] I can’t accept this. It’s the same as last year – no matter how hard I try, I will not believe he doesn’t like me. [Denial] Not a good phone call at all, after all. He said we’d talk tomorrow. SHIT [and here we go again…] 9:20

Tuesday 21/7/87

I got to school late as possible today. But he came even later….near the end of double maths. And at the end of the lesson, you should’ve seen him up & out of that classroom, A Life in Wordsfast as a bullet It was quite obvious he didn’t wish to walk me to art. I spoke not a word during little lunch. In biol, near the end, I tried But finally he snapped, “I don’t feel like talking now – it’s got nothing to do with you.” Bullshit. That’s why he’s talking & mucking round with everyone else. It’s a bit obvious. Just a bit[Sarcasm …in case you hadn’t detected it] Jemima came to the Esplanade with me. I was quite upset to start with. I barely sorted anything out with her. [Meaning she couldn’t shed any light on the situation for you, make you feel any better? Not that that was her responsibility…] Back at school, I stuck with her & noticed (lo & behold) Nicole sitting right between him & Keith. Vengance? Perhaps? No, he’s not like that. I talked to Keith in art. He didn’t know a thing. Cameron said in chem. Glyn saw me crying. I denied it. Only more evidence that I’m a sook After school I went straight to the car. Waited all arvy for Keith to call. He said Mark didn’t/wouldn’t say anything when he’d asked him after school & when he rang [who? Keith or Mark?] he couldn’t talk for long- Mark not allowed on the phone. [That’s a tad confusing] God, it gets me right DOWN

Wednesday 22/7/87

Well, well, well. I got a little depressed. I talked to him a little; asking questions etc in biol. and I got ‘grunts’ for most answers. I cannot see how, if he has problems at home, he must ignore me. So we didn’t talk the rest of the day till tonite at dance practise. And even then, to start with, it was very forced – strictly “business” (not pleasure, understand?) Oh well .. we can waltz now! Our Pride of Erin is exceptional!! I was so confused -he wasn’t looking in my eyes- avoiding them, yet now & then he’d touch my hand, pat my face. After, I tried to talk, but it was pointless. He said we could tomorrow. He said his feelings for me have changed. [that’s twice now, Elissa] I asked how +ve or -ve & he said Both ways. Well, Jezus, if I’m not worried, and upset and depressed and .. CONFUSED. [No surprises there] He left said “Bye.” Seigi talking to me she said “Do you hate Nicole?” SKINT [“how embarrassing to be confronted”] “No,” I reckon “why?” “lotsa people think you do” “who” “my friends, Nicole even.” Well, I went on about “well I am a bit pissed off with her sucking up to Mark” etc. Got out of that O.K. A Life in Words[Sounds like I was being dishonest, but I actually wasn’t: I didn’t hate her (I can’t ‘hate’ anybody) …I was just highly insecure… and whenever she gained his attention (whether or not she sought it intentionally – and I had obviously decided it was…) I was just plain old jealous. And it’s quite common for the jealous (fearful) to react negatively to their stimuli!] Spent sports arvy at Fi’s shop again. My cold/flu whatever it is, is O.K. I’m congested (mucus) and there’s a cough “on the rise”. I’m tired. NERVOUS- tomorrow!! MARK, THIS HAS TO BE THE LAST (for a long time, anyway) […last what? Argument? Talk? Ultimatum? Decision? Scare? I think I deliberately left the ball in his court: if there was to be a break up, I was not going to be ‘the bad guy’…]

Thursday 23/7/87

My voice kind of disintegrated today ..after all that talking & “squealing” at last night’s dance practise. It was really funny (my attempts at laughing.. ha ha!) Wonder if it’ll be the same tomorrow? Well, Mark & I talked a little today. Not much at all, but more than ever so far, this week. At the end of big lunch, he even joked with me! (& Fiona etc….of course) So I was quite happy. But things are still… “tense” (shall we say?) I think. A Life in WordsWe need to have a talk, ’cause nothing’s been sorted out, really. He’s paying for our formal tickets ($20 ea) + after formal party tickets ($5) so I pay for the limosine ($30) That’s pretty fair good! Went to the solicitor this arvy→ my summons [for the bus crash inquest] will be awhile, coming, yet.(cause my medical report is extensive) Everyone else, nearly, seems to have theirs now. Steve S [solicitor] reckons (told mum after I’d left the office) that I could claim $100 000!! [this is with regard to third party compensation from the bus accident] (He said he’d be very surprised if I got less than $40 000!! WOW!!!!) I’m not supposed to tell anyone. [I’m going to be a negative spoiler right now and reveal that that was WAY off the mark …and I now believe it was simply a carrot dangled in front of my mother, to secure her (our) representation ….by a law firm with a reputation for being ‘ambulance-chasers’…] Jesus, I hope Mark & I can sort things out soon very soon. I had my last dress fitting today. picking it up tomorrow. It’s beautiful. 10:45 Late nite must get more sleep

Friday 24/7/87

It got to me today; Mark’s mood. I really can’t understand what’s wrong & he won’t talk to me; I’d hoped we could do something tonight so I could talk to him, but his whole weekend, it seems, is conveniently set up already. A Life in WordsIt hurts so much. I really felt like balling my eyes out this afternoon. I’m SURE something’s up; he’s bored with me – falling “out of love”. [He has twice said this week that his feelings have changed. That’s pretty clear… But I know you were waiting to hear the exact words from him …your tenacity translating to stubbornness…] Am worried about something he’d said at lunchtime to Cameron (a joke or not?) about some “surprise”  after or at the formal – something I won’t like. I rang Cameron tonight. He said all Mark’s said to him is he’s pissed off with my whingeing [….about? Wanting to talk and obtain a resolution?] FAIR ENOUGH. I haven’t exactly been very tactful. SO GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE, WILL YOU? [A second chance at what? I’m confused with my own train of thought here…] God, I love you SO MUCH. I don’t think you really know how much – & you aren’t “free” to let me tell you. [Telling someone how much you love them won’t make them love you more. Ever heard of ‘unrequited love’?] I went to town with mum & jules after school – get stockings & my dress!!! Saw Fi; she said Keith & Mark are in town tonight. That’s nice. [Not Happy Jan!] I’m going to town with Cameron tomorrow – helping him look for things for the formal (something for me to do – Mark won’t call me or anything) I’ll want to call Keith tomorrow sometime- talk to him. [Trying to get blood from a stone?] A Life in WordsGot my report card today: got 46% chem- unbelievable!! [unbelievably good or bad?] Also got my summons!! !! ALL WE EVER TALK ABOUT NOW IS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE FORMAL That’s all.

Saturday 25/7/87

Town with Cameron was O.K. Mark & Keith were in there too (Cameron saw them before meeting me) We never ran into them. We did see Glyn & Sue B tho’. Walked alot. Having lunch, we had a short but serious talk about love, mainly. He thinks Moni would’ve been perfect for him. Too late, Cameron. [Monique had been interested him towards the end of Year 11 but he didn’t reciprocate her feelings (see Thursday’s entry in this post for the revelation) I wonder if his change of heart was authentic or simply borne of Regret, following her death?]  Told me also that Mark was sick of my whingeing. So that’s it. Well, I missed the bus so rang Mum (Sharon got a lift to the hockey fields) [Random! Where did Sharon fit into the picture?] Keith called at home. Invited me over for the night (his parents were away) Tried to get Fi too, but wasn’t home. I got there around 2:00 & got onto Fi soon after- she had to babysit. We went into the boardroom & played Triv. Pursuit. Then polka. [I think that’s meant to be Poker] Stupid “singing dare” game. I refused to take part in…got upset → the guys eventually gave up (I thought they never would.) After dinner, walked to Drive In Bottle shop → 1 bottle rum. Not enough Coke at home → the mixture was ∴ [symbol for ‘therefore’] very potent. The video was sick, so in the boardroom we played a “Truth” game. Soon we just talked, without the game part (honestly talking honestly) Found out some interesting things – Mark said he could marry Angie M, Fiona & me; Keith

Sunday 26/7/87

→ said Angie M. me & Tricia. Heaps of other things. I kept drinking → thought the alcohol effect would wear off too quickly. [Uh oh…] I really overdid it this time (the 1st time) I remember crying (the conversation was about Monique) – Keith left the room – Mark took me & put me in the shower 5 mins after – I spewed YUKKY. Out of there, I (dunno what I did) then into the toilet YUKKY! Cleaned my teeth .. Mark & I talked (I bombed out → Mark & Keith said-they did heaps in that time)before) after: lotsa things. [?!?] Um. We got to sleep around 2:00 – woke 5:30. A Life in WordsRED LETTER: no more the virgin mary. (not completely – no climax cos’ no contraception) up at 8:30- I went & watched baseball (they lost) Home→ dropped off stuff. Short time at Keith’s before Mark & I went to dance practise – for about ½hr. Drove me home & I did NOTHING. Should’ve slept- am so tired now – need it like anything. Eyes are dead. Well, I’m sure I won’t get that drunk ever again (not vomitting, anyway.) [Hahahahaha ….hahahahaha…. so, SO hilarious! I do not need to convince anyone that I was just a TAD deluded there…] overcast weather cool day. Haven’t even started Smithfield formal dress. [Spending well over $200 on my Cairns High formal outfit meant the other formal dress had to be a home-made job. Just as well my mum was pretty good on the machine …even though she didn’t think so, herself.] NO HW done this weekend. SHIT

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First New Year’s Pash & A Gutful of Worry (1-4 January)

Thursday 1/1/87A Life in Words

At 12:00, I hugged Ben, Sharon then Robbie. I knew it [was going to happen] straight away – we kissed. Then danced. Danced slow. Sat.. he went to dance, kissed me on the neck. It was wierd. I felt sick. I so badly wanted mark. I felt really confused. About 1:45 we left. Holding hands to taxi rank – far too crowded- no taxis in sight. [Sounds like your average New Year’s Eve scenario!] Rang their mum. Sat in the back holding hands. I felt so tired and sick, in the stomach. I was repulsed. Got to sleep, at home, around 3:30 I’d say, after getting ready for bed, talking & me worrying myself sick. [Sharon obviously staying at my house: I may be a bit insane but I’m fairly sure I didn’t talk to myself that often.] Woke about 9:30. Still worrying Couldn’t talk to Sharon – she doesn’t understand I can tell. Went to her place today going to go to beach, but didn’t. Got a video. Had a water fight. Left ∼4:30. I rang Monique a little while ago; on the phone for ages. I almost started crying sometimes. She’s leaving tomorrow. [For a holiday in Brisbane; her original home. They had only lived in Cairns for the past year, moving up as her father was transferred for work.] What am I to do? Sharon wants to do everything with B&R. (Well, Ben anyway) I tried to ring Mark. “he’s not home yet ..have no idea where he is” what am I to think about that? [I know what I’d think NOW…] Oh why do I get myself into so much trouble? [What trouble? You mean Stress. Well, it wasn’t really cataclysmic…] I love you Mark. I want you.

Friday 2/1/87

Woke 6:30. I’m not used to all the light in my bedroom, after Jodie’s dark (curtained) bedroom. [Aha, no wonder I love my blockout curtains now!] Makes me angry that I can’t sleep in. [Touché] A Life in WordsI waited for 8:30→9:00 to come – for the mail & Mark’s letter but heard on 8:30 news – Aust. Post shut today. How slack. I was so upset. Cried. I was so tense & anxious today. About 9:00 I was driven to Freshy – got my haircut – the bob is almost visible. Could be lucky – could nearly grow out before school!! Fringe cut, too. I love it! So much easier to handle. But I was, of course, still upset. After spending less than an hour in town looking for shirts (unsuccessfully) went home. Did nothing. So worried – so restless. Rang Sharon later. She’d talked to Ben – said Robbie acting as if nothing happened. Somehow, it didn’t really relieve me. Nana came over – I was too unsocial cos’ of my worry. After dropping Nana home (gorgeous rain & thunderstorm) I finally worked up the nerve – I rang him. And it was GREAT! [Wow, ALL that worry for ‘nothing’] We’re going to see a movie sometime!! [“sometime”? that’s a nice ‘loose’ commitment…] Can you believe it? Lady Luck: I love you!! [Now this is just silly. What the hell has ‘Lady Luck’ got to do with anything?] It’s 10:05. I’m happy again. [sheesh!] Mark’s adorable!

Saturday 3/1/87

I woke after 7:00, believe it or not! And I had to ring Sharon – I thought she’d have forgotten. Around 10:15 they came. We went to Earlville. Did very little constructive. [What is there to do at a shopping centre that’s truly ‘constructive’?] Met the guy “Jim” who was with us at Nighthawkes on New Years. I felt embarrassed whenever they (Sharon or he) mentioned Robbie or Gemilla. [Oh that’s right, Robbie had a girlfriend? No wonder I was so stressed – I mean, on top of my other concerns. Interestingly, what I didn’t then know was that Gemilla was starting Year 12 at Cairns High this year as well…. Ooops!] Mrs W came about 12:15. A Life in WordsWe had (big) lunch at Dormay’s Cafe, then dropped into my place. Picked up togs and some stuff. Mrs W dropped Sharon, me & Nida (her dog (rat dog chiwawa?)) at Kamerunga. It rained. Hard. We walked all the way to annemaries. I had to carry the towels & dog & lilo (to keep it dry) while Sharon pranced round. Mrs W got us soon after. Watched Police Academy III after a pig-out at smithfield shopping centre. I stayed the night – Sharon taught me to play backgammon – Excellent game. After watching a really sick video, [‘sick’ didn’t have any ‘positive’ connotations back then, unlike today …besides its actual definition, it only meant either ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’] we crashed.

Sunday 4/1/87

A Life in WordsWoke, after brekky played backgammon [Do you think I have any idea how to play it now? I don’t think I have actually played it since then.] That’s about all we did until mum picked me up at 10:00. A very boring day at home. I did crosswords from old magazines, watched cricket and ate. I’m angry – my appetite’s been rather small lately and now I go and stuff it up. Wish I could do something. If Monique was here, I could do lots – I get really sick of Sharon rather quickly. It’s 11:55 Really hot today. A bit of rain – but not really enough to cool it down. Crikey – I think I need an early night soon. I wish Mark’d hurry up and ring me. I can’t wait to go out.

The Exchange Student & “Having It Off” (26 August -1 September)

Monday 26/8/85 

I worked at my desk this arvy!! Wasn’t too bad. In fact its good having glue, hole punch, stapler right where you need them!! Could’ve got my HW (and a little extra) done faster, though. Kim, the exchange student, didn’t come to school however only enrolled today, She’ll be here tomorrow. Justine said she’s tall (thank god I’m not the only one, now!!) slim & has hair same colour as Fi’s. [I think my keen interest or curiosity about this exchange student was because she was American. Most probably due to media ‘saturation’, I was slightly in awe of anything American..and believed that anything American had to be more ‘cool’. And what teenager doesn’t want to be Cool?] Julia is nicer now. In the mornings she gets on (beats Sharon M.) & minds Anna’s seat. Am gonna read my book after this to finish part II then I’ll only have VI more!! OH NO!!

Tuesday 27/8/85

Kim is soooo shy. And (at least Sarah &) I know what’s gonna happen: she’ll stick like glue to Justine & justine’s goody-goody ways will rub off on her, so she’ll get a bad name or whatever, And Justine will “show off” about knowing her etc. She reckons that Wade & Allan (W) don’t like her as much because she told them Kim had blonde hair & its dark. Wat a loada crap!! It’s because she’s got braces & is thin as a rake (like anorexic) but she does have beautiful (big) brown eyes. [Everyone’s a Critic!] Has no subjects xept form, science, english & PES in common with me. [None…but four?] Anyhow for me the day was terrible. I forgot deodorant. A Life in Words

Wednesday 28/8/85 MIMA’S B.DAY!!

Boring today. Lotsa people either wagging it or gone to the inter-school carnival. We had to stay at school & “work” Yes: (mostly) work. Kim said on days like these at her school, people would have normal classes but do anything they wanted – Lucky. Went to Mima’s after school. Didn’t get/make a card Told her I’d get one. Got beautiful prezzys – shoes, clothes & things She asked Brent what he wanted for his Birthday – he said “you”. She said “Oh, I’ll come with a big bow on my head” & he said “I want more than that!” He wanted to have it off!! [“Have it off” is wonderfully old-fashioned slang for “have sex”. Ah, so entertaining.] Jemima said she dropped dead on the spot. She’s going to dinner with her family, Brent & his family. Is “shit-scared” about what he’ll get her. Went to Lucy’s after that got my Bday prezzy (chipped’n’cracked) She persuaded me to stay longer than I ought to. Mum is at Geoff’s. We’re on our own. Nite Nite!

Thursday 29/8/85

Had lots of HW. Trust Lucy to come over. She dragged me down to the shop. Saw Jemima. She took us back to Fiona. We met David & wasted time talking. I eventually left. Sooo much HW, Can’t do my maths achievement test. Is upsetting. Nothing worth noting happened today. Oh. Tina also LVS Tim. & he’s still flipped over Addrienne P. so I’ve no chance, huh? Anyway… tomorrow’s Friday thank god. Will study on the weekend & work….

Friday 30/8/85

Looks like I’ll only get 7½hrs sleep at the most tonight. I am bugared!! Will have to wake at 7:30 to get ready for work. Camp meeting today. I’m in Group 3 with no one. I’m in cooking group F with no one. [“no one” of course meaning none of my friends. I was terribly shy – still am somewhat – so being amongst ‘strangers’ was a daunting prospect. I’m always much more comfortable with the ‘Familiar’] lucky me. Always my luck. Anyway, got fair amount of (weekend) HW done, got ready to go to town. Got in there about 6:30 with Justine & her cousin Yasmine (←nice!!) Saw mima & fiona lots, Steven ♥! & Mark M & his “gang”. Felt happy Time went too fast. (Steven didn’t see me) Pity. Anyhow, played Trivial Pursuit at 10:00 when got home. I didn’t finish game (they just have now.) Am too tired.

Saturday 31/8/85

I DON’T WANT TO GO OUT TOMORROW Am angry. But I want to see Dad. Worked today God, am upset & feeling angry. Holding it (forcedly) in. Earned $24.50. A Life in WordsKeeping $12.50 want to buy a swatch for the camp. Have decided to ask Mr Carter (good luck) if there is any possible change into another group – but if not, I will enjoy myself & make friends of these people. [Great – rare – Resolve, Elissa] Got home late (4:30) Cos worked all day. AM PROUD OF MYSELF, TOO!! Cos as of yesterday (I did today, too) I did not snack between meals. When I thought I felt hungry I drank & it worked. [Thatta girl! Hang on, drank WHAT? I don’t recall being a huge fan of water when I was younger so this might not be the Win I thought…] Played trivial Pursuit is now 11:50. Am “fucked”

Sunday 1/9/85 FATHER’S DAY

Woke 7:30, Slept till 8:00. Got up & frantically tried to  make Geoff a card, but decided I didn’t need to cos he isn’t my father. Couldn’t however, even make dad a card or wrapping paper cos I spent the morning “removing hair” with depilatory creams. Went to Dad’s & gave him his prezzys. Girl from Port with her boyfriend (hoony) entering Miss Australia Quest. Ha! Fat Chance!! Julia stayed there. At home, hurriedly made Geoff a card (didn’t mention Father’s Day) [He was] Shitty when he came. Didn’t “look” at the presents. At Port, mum & I sunbaked for 2hrs. Nothing happened to me. What a waste of time then at 4:00, Geoff wanted to go to the pub. Got home at 5:45. Geoff didn’t pick up his prezzys. Mum’s writing a letter to him saying stop being childish etc. She’s mentioning marriage – which I don’t want. [I don’t actually recall witnessing any ‘disagreements’ between my mother & her partner so this has been an eye-opener for me.]

Relationship Tests & the Hunger/Thirst Concept (5-11 Aug)

Monday 5/8/85

[Insert hand-drawn musical notes] Torn between two Lovers [insert more musical notes]…. Nah!! I dunno (still) who I like better!! My necklace (crystals – fake) from Jenny broke today. I took it to show my friends. Have lost about eight – ten beads. OH well… Dunno which camp to go on – the one to Little Mulgrave or Tinaroo.(Am really wanting to know which one (or if) Tim’s going on.) It’s a camp just 4 us YR 10’s!! Have begun cutting down on food intake from today. Read an article in “New Idea” about when you feel hungry (whether it be from seeing someone else eating, depression/boredom etc.) to massage certain parts of your body & the hunger pangs die. When I was hungry for dinner, I tried it & sure enough I had ¾ of the amount I would normally have had. Also am gonna try to drink lots water before a meal. Is supposed to fill you up!! Hope it all works!!! [Hmmm, and also dilutes your stomach acids so it kind of hinders the digestive process. You should only drink before a meal if you’re trying to determine whether you are actually hungry, since thirst is often confused as hunger. Either way, you need to wait 10 minutes or so to find out: if truly hungry, the stomach acids will re-concentrate, bringing back your ‘hunger pangs’.] 

Tuesday 6/8/85 A Life in Words

Today was boring. Ate less, but after dinner, demolished almost ¾ tin of peaches. Big brawl with Julia climaxed today – mum tried to make us explain Julia denied everything. She just gets shitty whenever I get a seat nearest to the back [of the bus] than her (or if I get a seat at all) at skool & home she’s fine – but on the bus she talks about me to her friends & gives me dirty looks. Late night tonight. Am going on Little Mulgrave Camp after all, even if Tim doesn’t. (Tina, Fran etc are)

Wednesday 7/8/85

Early night, mum’s at a National Trust meeting. Julia and I are at home on our own!! (Believe it or not!!) We’ll be asleep before she gets home (about 10) Is 8:30 now. Fiona isn’t talking to me. I think it’s because I don’t talk as much to her cos’ I feel that anything I say is stupid, unimportant etc. She, Anna & Megan went to typing room at lunch today. So I went to oval with Justine & Sara. She said to Anna on the bus (when I wasn’t paying attention) “Let’s go to typing again tomorrow.” I think it was a retaliation remark, to hurt me. /// Tim isn’t going on the camp. shucks!!

Thursday 8/8/85

Fiona is still “shitty” with me. She did go to typing today, too. (When I walked Megan to her bus to say goodbye as per usual I asked her how it was – typing – and she went …. i.e. she found it BORING!!) OHH… Also: dunno if I’ll get to go to Mulgrave. Only 40 people can go, and as I only got my form & money in today, I think I’ve pretty well missed out. (See today was a bad day. First I forget my lunch and camp & excursion forms – so ring mum to bring them. then I miss mum so Mr Roff, personally, walks thru’ YR 10 parade to give my lunch etc to me. [ANY connection to the Principal was socially debilitating.] SHAME! then in English I fall (backwards) off my chair!!! BAD LUCK, HUH?!!) Anyhow, as I wrote “Mulgrave Camp only” on my form, it means if I do miss out, I won’t go at all. S’pose that won’t matter cos then I can stay (at skool) & drool over Tim as per usual!!

Friday 9/8/85

[UH-OH…] Distressing news: Tim is crazy over Adrienne P. I knew it. Tina, Erica & Fran talked about it in art. They said if it wasn’t for John, Adrienne would go around with Tim. OH SHIT! Wish I was more outgoing. Fiona still shitty but not as much as before, cos in History, tried to tell her how I’ve changed (she didn’t really like that.) They’re going to CHSS Fete tomorrow. I’m not. Going to work & stay at Dad’s the night. (Jaqui & Anthony won’t be there.) Thinking this arvy how (god I’m ashamed to say this) it would be good to have Shane S. as a “best” friend. Could go to park on Fri’s & talk or something. Stupid, huh?!! But it’d surely be different from a girl friend. (Couldn’t tell as much) Tonite played Trivial Pursuit. Back is sore. Am bugared!! Late nite 12:15

Saturday 10/8/85

Woke early today, shit!! But “slept” in and dad came early. Rushed (& forgot diary & undies & bras!) Anyhow, at work, did a poster for Dad’s “mystery cruise”, next Saturday night (A.O.) [meaning Adults Only] on the “Cougar out to Michalmus Cay (or is it?) HA HA!! Anyhow did more work. Got $24, but dad’ll bank half for me. Went home but mum wasn’t there, so couldn’t get underwear. A Life in WordsWent to Penwardens. Was abit boring. Got hay fever from cat. Practically no diet today – hot dog banana fritter, chinese dinner, caramel tart, pavlova, lemon mousse. Talkabout breaking a diet!! Jaqui & Anthony didn’t go camping. She is still out now (it’s 1:30.) We’re going to bed. Gonna watch “The Day After” about the day after a nuclear bomb. or will I?? See how I feelA Life in Words

Sunday 11/8/85

Jacqui didn’t come home (when we woke at 9:30) the outside light was still on. We went home at lunchtime. I wasted the afternoon I should have been doing my poetry assignment. God I’m a shit of a dickhead. Ate again today had fruit loops 4 brekky at dad’s (& ate crumbs from caramel tart) & had a “frenzy” icecream (Like Sly cones) Did a bitta HW, before. Wrote a list of things I’ll want for my camp & 4 summer. $300 approx total. God!! huh?!! Am gonna watch the DAY AFTER. Well I might to go to bed ½ way thru. Am tired!!

Holiday Homework Procrastination (8-14 April)

Monday 8/4/85 (Easter Monday)

Today. Woke quite late. Ate last of my egg. After brekky had a ‘dip’, and proceeded to pack up. Finished at 12. Had our last swim and left, on the right track! Took us 4hrs to get back to the Walsh River. At 7:00, we were around Mareeba. Got home about 8:00. A Life in WordsMum told us what she did – I think she had a lonely weekend. Our whole trip saw about 20 kangas & wallabies, 2 dingoes, 2 ibis(es), a brolga, “major mitchell” cockatoos, 3 freshy crocs, a ded goanna. It was hot inland. I ended up only seeing Karen & Co on fri. Didn’t see Wade S. & Co or any one else. Was truly fabulous. I’m tired Goo’ nite.

Tuesday 9/4/85

Today was a big waste of time. Woke up tired. Ate, drank, watched TV, lay down, read “Dolly”s, mucked around with make-up and generally bored myself. Am sooo tired it’s not funny. Felt sick; headache. Am sure I’ll get the usual ‘wog’ after Easter like I do every year. Chocolate is my big obsession, but too much always makes me ill. Rained on & off. Felt like ringing fiona – but didn’t. Rang 4AM. [It would seem I was not mistaken the last time I mentioned commented on this (thinking I must have noted the wrong radio station in my diary). I cannot fathom why the Atherton Tableland radio station would be the one you would call for a Bluelight Disco in Cairns City. Why not 4CA?] Next Bluelight 19th April – but – that’s a Friday! (Wonder why?) Anyway I’m tired so nite, nite.

Wednesday 10/4/85

Boring day. Woke around 7:00 with a headache. Went to work while mum went to some appointments etc, then she picked us up & after lunch, Jules & I finally got our BACKPACKS. Except that Julia didn’t have to pay for hers. After some ooey, gooey food & look in the op-shops (unsuccessfully) went home and lazed about all arvy. Mainly read ’84 Summer Special Dolly. Early night. Julia’s at Melinda S’s surprise party. Is sleeping there. Wot am I going to wear to the Bluelight not this Friday but the next? I have to have something….

Thursday 11/4/85

Today was cool again. Mum went to work & I set out to do my English Essays but didn’t do a thing. Drew & watched TV most of the day, Julia came home about 11:30. Mucked around. Ate a lot. Mum came home for lunch. Felt sick after chocolate milk. Late arvy, mum & Julia went to Hayles, Fairweathers & McKenzies (Bill & Mandy) about tickets to the original production of “For the Term of His Natural Life”. Julie H came round. We talked. She knows (it’s obvious) (to her) that Jemima & Fiona are ‘neglecting’ me. She saw them, Polly, Liam & Cameron (Pol’s boyfriend) in town today. Invited me to town – might just go!

Friday 12/4/85

Woke up determined to get my essays done. Got out my gear, but didn’t even make a start. Watched TV while mum was at work. Julie H. came around. Talked and agreed to go to town in the arvy. After lunch, mum dropped me at Julies. After her completing getting ready, got to bus stop at 1:30. Talked 2:00 talked 2:30 The bus came at 2:40. We had just over an hour in town. Got some beads. Am going to make a bracelet like Jemima made fiona. (They were in town again today. Saw another movie. We didn’t see them. Late-ish nite. Went to nana’s 4 teaA Life in Words

Saturday 13/4/85

Julia stayed at Petra’s last night. I had 2 go to Geoff’s with mum. Watched movie there. Began animal farm essay. Began it again & again. Watched TV – Dad came at 1:30. At Dad’s drew, mucked about. Jenny & Anthony were there. Got ready for Leanne’s & Tony’s engagement after Countdown. Designed dad’s invitation for customers to new roof-wetting. Wrapped the engagement present. The party was boring. We stayed away from the crowd at beginning. Had a swim (Jules & me) then showered. Played cards. Mucked about. Anthony fell off the bonnett of a car. Big egg on his 4head.

Sunday 14/4/85

Got 6hrs sleep last night. Made everyone tea. Once awake, all went to work to photocopy those invitations then went to Far Nor AG where dad painted out his old sign. After that, went to Leanne’s to pick up Julia’s togs. Stayed a while. Anthony cracked a darkie, and on the way home (when we stopped to satisfy our sweet teeth) Jenny & Dad blew him up. At flat things were tense. Walked on the beach Anthony stayed behind. Watched Countdown. Had sausages for tea. Late-ish nite. Haf to write out essay yet. Couldn’t get other 1 done cos’ didn’t have my correct reading book to use for reference.

Lots of Boredom & A Misunderstanding (4-10 March)

Monday 4/3/85 A Life in Words

Was hot – is still! Boring day. Didn’t hand in english essay cos’ watched “Yentl” in double period. Did more work in Science, Maths & started German Unification in History. German was boring. (as usual) I think Tim knows I like him. Julia embarrassed me in front of him today. He walked past and Julia wiggled her eyebrows at me & pointed (with her head) in his direction. SHAME!! Fiona didn’t (after all the begging I’d done) take me to the [interschool swimming] carnival, so I went with Justine & Beka. Saw Sean. Think he knows I like him. Lots of others do. On a worser note; Neville was there & pestering but I Love S.M.

Tuesday 5/3/85

Fiona looked guilty at the carnival last night. I’d catch her looking at me – & she’d quickly look away. Also talked alot to Angela, Karen M & Sharon M. Today, didn’t talk to Fiona much as possible. I know she’ll tell Jemima, then they’ll both be in a shit with me for at least a month. Otherwise, was a boring day. Karen has changed since our group split up. She’s more ‘shy’ (or quiet) than before & also, less immature – in fact, she’s quite grown-up! I want the Bluelight to come fast. I want to see Sean again. I’m tired. Don’t feel like doing any HW. Wanna watch TV but the stupid cricket’s still on….

Wednesday 6/3/85

Fiona & I started off badly, then it went good until big lunch, but it was her who was doing the isolating act. Then at speech, Jemima was trying to be friendly, but something was different; was wrong. Will ‘write’ notes to Fiona tomorrow. Tired & slow day, ran late. In PES, wet my hair, odourised myself, washed my feet’n’face! Might have a shower off, next time. Walked Lucy to music again always giving (or she’s so hungry) her food. Don’t think Jemima & Fiona like me anymore but I always say that, then change my mind, huh? Also Jemima knows who Sean is now. I think (I’m scared) she’ll say something.

Thursday 7/3/85

Today Fiona was the one in (no, not in a shit, just distant or vacant.) Not really quite there. I think; I know something is wrong. I will ask tomorrow. Didn’t like today – (then again) I don’t like any day of school. Really must stop feeling sorry for myself . I must look so selfish. Had a test in German which I didn’t learn for – just a little one. At Big Lunch, hung mainly around Anna, Megan & Melissa. Teased this girl (Monica) & her friends. Monica burnt her stomach so has to wear dresses & wears the gawkiest ones out (ever since Tues. I think) No HW – not in the mood.

Friday 8/3/85

Today we made up. It was all a misunderstanding. Fiona thought that I didn’t want to talk to her, so she didn’t talk to me…. etc, etc, etc. History was the period in which we made up  & art was fun. Hungry at little lunch. Maths boring & English worse. Big lunch was okay – walked around. PES was okay, too. After, wet my hair again, like I did on Wed. & BP (Fiona U. & I were late) was loaded with work. Went to yacht club tonite. Then had very late & filling dinner at that pizza place again. Am tired! Night-night!

Saturday 9/3/85

Today was……boring, really. Woke early-ish (compared to the time I went to bed last night). Had brekky & moped around wondering what to do. Did a little housework, then mucked around with make up, ‘barbies’, watched TV. Went to Petra’s with Jules after lunch. Bored there, too. At home again got songs off Countdown & watched TV. Movie has finished. Am bursting to go to the loo. Am also hot & tired. Malissa & Jodie (Julia’s friends) also came over this morning, asking Jules to nick some smokes off mum for them!! Jules said no, of course!! A Life in Words

Sunday 10/3/85

Today was even boring-er!!! Woke and felt grumpy. Decided to cut out yellow pictures from magazines. Did well up untill lunch time. Then made some patty cakes. After feeling bored, I began my HW. Got quite a lot done! Diane & Kerry came for tea. Got some more songs off Countdown. Had a shower (shaved, washed & conditioned my hair) then tea. Is now 8:30 (I think) and am bored & tired. Did I tell you I have “Batch #2”? I mean, my periods again. I also might have to miss out on the Blue light next weekend, cos’ mum might go to Brissy, leaving us at dad’s & dad wants to go to Port D. cos’ Jenny’s holding a party (& everyone’ll be there – Mulleys – all the hash guys.) I’ll PROTEST tho’! [A fat lot of good that would do me. I might ‘get around’ my mum, but hardly ever my dad.]