Earlville – Page 2 – A Life in Words

The Scene of the Crime, A Family Gathering & An Innocent Sleepover (13-19 April)

Published on April 13, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 13/4/87

Almost missed the bus – my pants were wet [I’m thinkin’ perspiration…] & I forgot camp photos ‘n’ everything, but I did just get the bus! Boring day – walked round a lot (Lucy’s put on lotsa weight & smokes now) I tried on some formal dresses- some so gorgeous (my favourite a silver dress $499) [which was definitely mega-expensive for that era, and totally out of my reach] We went to the movies “TOP GUN” yet again. After, I finally bought some shoes – gorgeous white flats with a cut-out heel [and here I’d included an illustration for better clarity…see right] & punched holes [like the patterns in leather ‘brogues’ (see pic below) …which by the way were just coming into fashion in a big way.] only $30 from Sportsgirl (believe it or not!! Gorgeous! Lucy came to our place till her dad picked her up. Got the TV & video rental Gonna watch “About Last Night” tomorrow. Missing Mark terribly already. Wonder when he’ll ring? oooh! 10:30 I’m tired Ate so much chocolate tonight. I feel fat!! [Uh huh, you feel fat …but you are totally oblivious to the more serious damage that rubbish is doing to you inside…at the cellular level…] Another mouse this morning – sick – caught it & ‘fore throwing it down the back, Mike bashed it, to make sure it was dead. [Boys love that shit, huh? I know plenty of ‘fellas’ who’ve taken to toads like they were golf balls over the years. Not to generalise of course: I’m sure some girls may have had a turn or two as well…] Ooh! No more mices! I hope!

Tuesday 14/4/87

A Life in Words — A (marginally) better view of my scar, than in the full picture (below)

We went to the site today (after mum worked in the morning & I finished all the choc. out of my ‘show bags’) we drove to the site. I cried a bit to start with but went down & collected as many souvineers as possible. [Really, all that I gathered up was junk and ended up being binned at a later stage. I think the act of ‘collecting souvenirs’ was itself symbolic or a method of ‘processing’; an excuse to physically return (down in)to the very place where so much trauma had hid me all at once on that fateful day.] I couldn’t believe how different it was, to my thoughts. [Memory. In other words, it wasn’t as I remembered it…] Then, stopped at Edmonton to see the bus- yeuch. It’s a bloody mess. [I have included photos of it at the end of this post.] Stopping at K-Mart, then once home, around 5:30 Mark rang – was cut off first & after 2nd time, didn’t ring back – but it was good to talk to him. Video tonight “Best Defense” was stupid. Is 9:40. Only just found out, on the answering machine, that Fi rang, so I’ll have to ring her tomorrow. Damn it! Rainy-Overcast weather set the scene perfectly at the site .. it was so much steeper than I thought .. & the bend less sharp, but also shorter than I imagined. Otherwise I recognised it all. Can’t wait till Mark gets back. Oh I’m tired. Boring day (strange, untalkative mood after the bus site revisit?) [Sounds like a rhetorical question to me: I’m fairly sure I knew deep down that visiting the site would bring ‘stuff’ up… even if I wasn’t exactly able to define what…]

Wednesday 15/4/87

Boring, boring, boring. I rang Fi _ _ she said she’d rung to talk cos she hadn’t talked to me “for ages” ..said Jemima wanted everyone to go bowling tonite – GREAT! I thought. so I went to town & Earlville with cousins etc. At home, did very little ..sunbaked (lemon juice in hair) & started my camp/crash scrapbook. Then after ringing Fi (not home) & mima, found out they went to Green Island so I decided I wouldn’t go bowling [a reaction purely based on hurt, the thought processes behind being “all or nothing”: if I’m not invited to everything, I won’t attend anything… I won’t be missed…] ..went late nite at Kmart instead. Laughed a lot! Watched “North & South” at home. Saw Linda P & Steven- actually talked rather comfortably with him for a few minutes (shit this pen’s stuffed) [the biro I was using that night wasn’t working so well] cloudy & sunny day – Marks coming home tomorrow I CAN’T WAIT!! Want to see him so badly. Shit, so many late nights since Jo & Mike came (I can’t stand the mess & laziness they show.) Mark..!!! LOVE YOU!!

Thursday 16/4/87

Mark rang tonight – 10 minutes after he got home! (I thought that was so sweet – straight away, practically) we didn’t decide what to do tomorrow so I’ll ring him around 9:00 Woken by the phone ([our] mums were at the dump) I answered & it was for Julia. SHIT OFF TO THE MAX! [Ha! “..to the max(imum)” was a great adverbial phrase.] Watched TOP SECRET, while doing my camp scrapbook ..sat in the sun browning myself & then to to work on my scrapbook again (altogether I didn’t do much at all on it today!) Went to get the video on dusk… and it was soon after our getting back that Mark rang about 7:20 I think. (Watched TV & now the new chosen video – MONEY PIT) I hope we do decide on something to do- I badly want to see him again. Mrs B visited today – and Mr. G. also dropped in – I thought he’d rev me about my assignments; luckily no! warm day Brent finally brought the typewriter back!!

Friday 17/4/87

Well, I rang ‘im about 9:30 – & as I thought, he was still asleep… so I felt really terrible- talked abit & finally decided I go to his place (& take my photo albums too!) at 11:00. Well, we mucked around (& tickled- ouch!) Looked at photo albums- I went into his room (umah) – almost slammed the door on my fingers. Was good, but the time went so quickly ..only 2 little kisses, But some affectionate moments, when we just looked at each other. Ate cheese sandwich for lunch..mum came & was talking for awhile to Mr. & Mrs W (told me later we may be going to Josephine Falls with them on Sunday for a BBQ) HOPE SO!! So I told Mark to ring me, when he wasn’t tired. I love him I know I do… I feel it all through me ..this wonderfully happy, relaxed feeling when I’m with him (ESPECIALLY when we’re alone & at night!) [Um, yeah Liss, that’s a different four-letter ‘L’ word…] Did nothing at home. boring. Watched EUROPEAN VACATION tonight … bore! [I’ve never been fussed on the National Lampoon series. Give me Monty Python any day…] Is now 9:15.. early really! (compared to other nights I’ve had) god I hope he rings me soon .. am dying to see him again soon.

Saturday 18/4/87

mmph! woke only after 7:00 (got up around 7:45) this morning – not fair – I can’t sleep in. Did nothing, basically.. watched Between the Teeth [a quite short-lived music programme on the ABC] & that was about it. (all that I did) Michael & I went with mum around 11:00 to get chicken, change the video & get Nana (saw Paul W on the way) When Auntie Thel, Uncle Ross, Michael (mum’s cousin) & cynthia (his wife) & child came, we were watching BACK TO THE FUTURE. Sharon rang me .. we talked for yonks (she did). Auntie Thel helped me make a big (solve a big problem) decision…my CAREER ..She said Libby (daughter) was booming in her interior dec. business & could (does) need help.. so all of a sudden, I’m interested..think of the prospects!! It’s an excellent idea! [That, like the few others I ever had, left my consciousness after that day. What do they say…”all talk no action”?] Anyway, Mark rang after Sharon..talked for ages (mum & Mrs W decided on tomorrow’s trip to Josephine Falls) & after (visitors left) I got ready to go to his place . . . it wasn’t quite as “touching” this time ..we did kiss now & then (not that I didn’t like that – I loved it! But, ah, somehow it was less “touching”… we watched TV, ate dinner late, during the sick movie.. mucked around mainly.. tickling not much talking ↵

Sunday 19/4/87

But, anyway when I rang a taxi at 11:15, no answer… Mr & Mrs W came home after their dinner & suggested I stay.. I thought so..Mark didn’t want me to..wonder why? But anyway, I rang mum & it was O.K. I was in Sandra’s room, with FM4CCR on her clock radio (Mark set it up for me!!) I went to sleep around 12:30, I guess woke around 7:00, but snoozed till 8:15 – Mrs W got me up (I heard Mark play “Candy” – he played it to me last night) this morning) Had brekky & finally around 9:30 mum & the gang came. I went with the W’s.. Mr & Mrs & Mark and Keith too..trip up there & swam ice-cold water (not many people looked at my leg – I wasn’t really embarrassed at all!) After lunch (BBQ) left (I went with them again) stopped in for a look at the Bus at Edmonton. Left Mark’s ..went to Nana ..BORING!! Got a video SHORT CIRCUIT after that & watch it this arvy .. then dad came (I got $15 believe it or not) ..then we watched the movie again. Mark was working 3pm to 9pm tonight, so unless he rings me soon, or tomorrow, I’ll speak to him again Monday night before school. J&M and Julia & A.H. are going to G. Island 2morrow – I’m staying home to do the work I should’ve done over the hol’s. Saw Lyn. C. at the BIG TOMATO today (working there) Ugh! Am tired… have had an unreal weekend!!

A Bittersweet Return to School (16-22 March)

Published on March 16, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 16/3/87

My foot did not swell up too much today (But the fact is, it did swell) Well, I thought I did well, walking round – doing stairs at a great pace (ha! wattabout your sore feet & knees – the pain?) [Go easy, Liss! You’ve hardly used your feet and knees for almost 6 weeks; of course they’ll suffer after your first 8 hour day on them.] Well, ..it’ll get better! (Bloody rags today) Dressing- painfully took off the dressing from where the skin was taken looks like a big graize. Euch! Generally good. I was abit nervous this morning. At school, Mark did not talk to me, look at me or come near me. At home, I rang mima tonight (Fi’s run out of things to say- I needed a new opinion) she insisted I ring him. I had a shower -talked to Jodie on the phone, and, after a lot of deliberation, finally dialled. It was a ‘sad’ phone call.. uncomfortable – probly lots more for him (I cried – I couldn’t help it) He hadn’t read the letter …wasn’t thinking about me. Angry at my ‘attitudes’ [?] .. finally apologised (made a real mess) … “I really stuffed up this time didn’t I?” [Really? How? By being yourself?] He said “I love you” .. I said “I love you too and you know it & never forget it.” [oh purleeease…] With that.. I rang Fi & told her .. I’m nervous again. It’s like we’re starting all over again… I’m going to be rather unsure tomorrow. [Such deep insecurity…] I’m glad the worst is over though. [Is it?] Euch! I felt confident (in a way) today- felt slim, pretty & flirtatious. [I’m sorry, what? How ironic: insecure, needy and self-deprecating on the one hand and yet….self confident on the other?]

Tuesday 17/3/87

It didn’t go too smoothly .. we didn’t talk before school, during double maths or after art ..at little lunch he came up & talked to Fi .. I stood by. In bio. he sat next to me. we got on “famously” and ..he slipped a note in my bio book. Big lunch-mucked round a fair bit. In art curiosity killed me- I read a beautiful letter of forgiveness & ‘repent’.. [privacy omission]. Still doesn’t think I have total trust in him. But, that’s it! (I also finally got the photo of us in hospital back from Fi!) Good day, all told! I did HW from about 5:00 till 9:50 …now it’s 10:25 – I had to have my shower ‘n’ everything – I knew I’d lose track of time (only doing biology HW, too! mozzies bad!) There was interruption- Justine McP. visited. Cool weather now (not hot at all really- my leg’s good- kept it “up” [elevated] when not in use – and it stayed “unswollen” all day!! Hopefully.. it’ll stay that way!! Mr P. rang tonite ..saying how soon as Monique got home from Brissy – dropped her bags & rang me. And of course, when she finally got on to me, I got to her place in ½ hr. B.F. Always. I LOVE YOU MONIQUE.

Wednesday 18/3/87

My foot’s O.K! Even after bushdancing tonight! Unreal! (Swelling, that is ..not ‘pain’) Yeah, well .. it did ache for some time, but, I’m doin’ extremely well! (Bandage slipped last night.) (Mima gave me a note today about monique etc. I cried.. was so sad.) Mark ‘n’ I did O.K. again… esp. beginning of tonight.. I gave him a kiss when I’d said something bad.. [‘bad’ meaning something that had the potential to be taken the wrong way?] he gave one back (YUM) But later during dancing .. he went off on his own .. I went up to him (outside) but left him alone (he wanted to be .. I’d asked him) that worried me. (wants to cut my hair tomorrow.. has $20 riding [betting] $12 me, $2 mima $2 Julie H. $4 Fiona. Lose, Mark!) I love him & I hope it’s not me he’s upset with (again). [I] Caught up in computers this arvy.. dunno too much though. It’s 10:25 – need to go to hosp. for dressing tomorrow, before school. Wonder if Mark’ll miss me? (Didn’t do bio HW – got marked down & didn’t do tonight’s either ..great -another against my name. I love you, Honey. HOT

Thursday 19/3/87

I can wash my leg now, change my dressings myself. I HATE my leg. It is so ugly. IT IS NOT FAIR .. NOT FAIR .. it’s deformed – I’ve lost my nerves [the wound included some permanent nerve damage; I have no/minimal superficial (dermal) feeling over/around most of my knee and extending part way down my inner calf] .. It’s fat & swollen. I cried for Monique today again. in art. I am a lot more lately. Found out, through Cameron that Mark was given a note “A few words from Henry Scott” or something a quote on death ..and he was upset about Monique..that’s why he was as he was .. he came at little lunch (I came at 2nd period after “dressing” & seeing Ms. DeJourdan) End of big lunch, talked, mucked round – ID. card is revolting I wrecked it tonight cut it up!!

After school [Mark] tried to cut my hair I got a bit violent in “defence”.. but OK. Brent cut Fi’s instead. I am so angry about my leg ..happy this morning but looking at it open depresses me so much. It’s ugly- I’d rather be dead. I’m only living for Mark ..I’d miss him too much if I went to Monique. Like now I miss her too much .. I’m with Mark. [It’s quite bizarre to think I’d’ve given up my life up for some bodily scarring, and even more so that one random human being was my sole reason for not. I’m fairly sure I knew deep down that Life held more than that…] Is. 9:45. Night.

Friday 20/3/87

Puritty good day!! Sayin’ goodbye was good, but at the time disappointing – a smack on the bum! Double eng …bore! art .. my painting sux – but I’m going to work it and call it “the freaky memory” in remembrance of monique’s & my coincidental experience (concerning Cameron, last year.) [If you missed it, see Wednesday’s entry in this post] Unreal! chem. prac boring… lunchtime Mark tried to make me shitty (was funny!) Did no HW in arvy- ready for Ms. Marsland’s CAD dinner party, at 7:10 mark rang! Talked for ages! Finally arrived at ∼8:30. Drank a whole bottle of apple cider (alcoholic) FUN! Boring for me ..dunno ..Monique missing..seemed incomplete (& kept thinking of Mark) Had a go on the video recorder (didn’t eat much dinner – not fussed on Italian food) Trina & me veged! Most left around 11:30.. I, Michelle & Nev (me lift home with Nev.) watched the video after they’d gone. Mark on my mind. (Went to Terry’s – Terry rang Astia there ..Mark didn’t talk to me..) I was under-dressed! Home at about 1:45 (thinking of mark)

Saturday 21/3/87

Woke 9:20!! Got ready – spent morning at Earlville buying undies – 4 pairs!! [Woo!] At home (after visiting Nana – feel sorry for her) Michael B came round while I picked dead skin off my wound. (Kept it ‘open’ today – this arvy – drying – did yesterday arvy too – “paraded” up ‘n’ down street showing neighbours!!) Mark rang. Then wouldn’t speak – Cameron did. Mark “hung up”. Didn’t ring back so after ∼10mins I did. Mark talked ..Cameron did then M. hung up I rang back immediately. I thought he was shitty – wanted me to decide what to do tonight (I watched TV arvy) & he rang back 5:00. MOVIES ..Colour of Money. I was worried – he’d mentioned something about a “TALK” – rang Fi – made me feel better [as she always did…]. Got to Odeon [cinema] Just 4/5 mins ‘fore him …walked round ..Glyn & Hayley were there! During interval – he came back & (through joke) I think he had “the talk” .. I’m officially his girlfriend!! During movie – holding hands – [privacy omission]. Soooo nice. We dropped him home (mum, after ringing her) I’M IN LOVE!!

Sunday 22/3/87

Woke 9:30!! Slept in yet again!! And, with dressing off all day ..noticed changes compared to yesterday! I can see differences already!! Well, I went down to Amanda’s place with Julia watched the video GODS MUST BE CRAZY silly/funny ..mostly silly. Walking home after, Polly & Mrs B. stopped in the car, invited us up. Did nothing much at home -not one scrap of homework. . . shit, then went to Brewers .. had a ‘dip’ (very quick) did nothing much- watched Young Talent Time. Rather boring day, really. (Altogether) Can’t wait till I have enough time (on the holidays??) to clean out my room & make my CAMP/CRASH/MONIQUE scrapbook. Rather warm today. Ugh . . 3 weeks till Jodie & Mike (& Lucy) come!! I wish I had more spare time- wish my leg would heal even faster!! I love Mark. I’ll say it yet again. Can’t wait for BBQ on Wed nite (interschool – seniors only! UNREAL!)

Keloids, Oedema & Back on Two Feet (9-15 March)

Published on March 9, 2015 by Elissa Coxen2 Comments

Monday 9/3/87

Did I tell you I’m 60kg again? Well, I was measured yesterday. Oh, and by the way, Mark’s shitty with me again. I said something about all I need is Jemima & Fiona as friends & he (taking I didn’t need him) said he’d never talk to me again, no matter what I said or did. So he’s shitty with me. I s’pose I can expect another goodbye letter perhaps in Wednesday’s mail? Oh well. My appointment was the major news of the day, originally (god its hot) He (the dr.) said it’s excellent. Looks a bit “gooby” to me …but I’M ALLOWED TO WALK AND GO OUT ETC!! WOWEE! That’s what I was waiting to hear. Back at school next Monday YAY!! Although, I dunno; if Mark’s so shitty. I’ve been slowly trying to straighten my leg. IT IS SO HARD. I haven’t yet. WOWEE!!

Tuesday 10/3/87

Hope I sleep better tonight – the last few nights have been terrible – I keep waking. Oooooh! I am doing SO well! I can straighten my leg almost completely back, now & can put most my weight on it for a few secs. And I’m so proud. [Good!] At this rate, maybe I will be walking by the (or for the) weekend! Sandra W rang me this arvy -said Mark understands what I meant ..it’s just he’s upset that I spend more time with my friends at school, than him [what? you haven’t been at school for all bar 3 days of the school term so far…?] (it really matters to him.. he does care) I thought he might ring tonight but no. Oh well. Went & saw nana today. Well & good. . . (boring visit) [oh, to have had hindsight…] also Jo & Mike rang. They’re counting the days til they come up. I did no schoolwork this morning again. Justine & Mrs Mac came this arvy, as they left, mima & polly came. Yru gave Julia an enormous leaf of aloe vera to give to me. I haven’t been putting anything on my scars lately UMAH! [I can be ‘religious’ about certain things (obviously!) but it seems treating my scarring was not one of them. I have very soft skin which is a blessing but the trade-off seems to be that I scar badly: hypertrophic-keloid scars are reddish, raised lumps (you can easily spot them in the photo of my leg above) which thankfully often fade and flatten out over time, but never disappear, unfortunately. While not yet fully understood, keloid scarring seems to result from excessive collagen in the wound healing process; one of my doctors gave me the impression it’s as if your body heals over-zealously?!] mmm… hot, yes. Rain? yes. pimples? Yes – going away? Yes (I hope) Mark – I love you? YES!

Wednesday 11/3/87

Mr P [Monique’s father] rang this arvy..sounds so ‘tired’ and ‘weak’ ..Mrs P will not be back for another 2 weeks or so. No call from Mark (of course). Nor any mail. I wrote him a letter which I’ll post tomorrow. Hope it doesn’t sound silly. GUESS WHAT? I CAN WALK WITHOUT CRUTCHES!!!! UNREAL, HUH?! After only 2 days – I can let go and (hobble, limp) walk ’round! (Today I went to Earlville with mum – did shopping but I took crutches – needed them – got tired easily. Oooh runny nose. (Fi & mim came round this arvy, too.) I actually read my novel today (although that was the only schoolwork I did) And didn’t have a bath tonight – just ran out of time. [ew!] Rainy again – but cooler today at times. I slept rather well last night!! Oh, I wish Mark’d ring or something I wish he’d talk to me. Oh I love you. Don’t treat me this way.. PLEASE!!

Thursday 12/3/87

Well, I’m doin’ good . . . walking’ (limpin’ really!!) round! Mum woke me early Dropped Jules at school (went past the seniors – saw him) then we waited an hour or so before we went in. . .took off the dressing. I think doctor Clark was pleased I could walk… I asked questions – they were answered [I’d love to know what I asked…] – nothing to worry about (physically, anyway; I didn’t send the letter to Mark, or even give it to Jules to give to him – will tomorrow – damn, I forgot to re-write it.) Read my play today so .. that’s it. I’ll have to do some solid work tomorrow: MUST. Am going to the movies 2morrow nite with Fi & Jules! Hey, hey! Gonna ask mark (if I get that letter re-written. Shaved me legs 2nite & armpits – didun wanna but had to. [I preferred waxing… but that must have been too large a feat for me to accomplish, somehow?] Ankle looks absolutely revolting – fat (swollen) Leg a bit sore from using it lots I think – it’s looking even better today- I can’t believe it! mm ..hot. rain, though! Fi came down ‘S’ arvy→ ambulance man dropped off some videos drove to fi’s & Watched them. BORING seen before! [I’m guessing they were a collection of news clips/footage that, like everyone, I’d’ve seen repeatedly over the past month.] Oh neckache.

Friday 13/3/87

Today (not bad luck – much) I took my first WALK. I mean WALK, NOT LIMP!! Fantastic! (And I had a shower, standing all the time!) [I think I can vaguely remember this feeling: the uncertainty of pressing down into my foot was dwarfed by confidence and the knowledge that it was okay to do this, after the doctor’s positivity yesterday. Oh yes, it felt really good!] This morning I hurried a new letter to Mark .. to give to Jules to give to Fiona to give to him. But, we didn’t go to the movies tonight after all – Fi wants to invite mima, tomorrow night (she works 2nite) & even if mima can’t come we’ll still go. So, (Fi was convinced he’d ring me – he didn’t) if he went, we wouldn’t’ve been there – he’ll be even angrier. And if he didn’t go, it means (he didn’t ring) that he doesn’t care. Oh shit. I need you to contact me, Mark. Please, please God, let things be the way they were before the crash. It’s not fair. My life’s the pits. My ankle’s so ugly & fat (swollen) [I failed to understand that my entire leg had been blown up like a balloon during the accident, so the elasticity in the entire appendage (not just the dermis) would have been incredibly tested and it would take some time for it to return to somewhere near normal (thank God I was young and still growing). The fact is, my right leg would never be the same size as its counterpart again: even after a night’s rest, my right lower leg is always 1-1.5cm thicker in circumference than the left.] Beka (came round this arvy) said hers took awhile to go down. [I think she had had a sprained ankle. A somewhat different injury (!) but wonderfully supportive of her.] GREAT. But I walked today that’s something right? [Yes.] And I did some work. And Trina dropped over my negatives & photocopies of photos of Monique. And I sunbaked (towel over my legs so I don’t get a mark from the bandage) & get this – got burnt slightly after only 15 minutes! [Ah the FNQ sun: it cooks you quick!] OH MARK. PLEASE RING ME or come over.

Saturday 14/3/87

No phone calls from Mark, today, let alone a visit. Hope, really hope he didn’t go Friday night..he’d be so shitty (so much more shitty) with me. I rang Fi twice ..3rd time lucky. Mima might not be going tonight – depends whether she gets her schoolwork done or not (speaking of which, I did none) I danced today! (Not really physically jolting- just “bopping” around! I spent most the day writting out the major things that’d happened in the weeks past .. ready to do up my scrapbook. Fiona’s late!! ..it’s 7:20 – movie Jumpin Jack Flash starts at 7:30. Oh Mark, stuff you. (Told Fi, she said she’d ring him tomorrow for me. She’d really expected him to ring me last night.) NO VISITORS today Rather boring day ‘But Jeez, my ankle’s gone down! (I spent ½hr or so in the sun again today – just head & shoulders..wanna bleach my hair. where’s the lemon juice?) [After 4 weeks in hospital my hair had darkened considerably… and as a natural blonde this was displeasing to me. We used lemon juice whenever we could but I don’t know how well it actually worked…] tell you ’bout the movie tomorrow. My ankle – I can’t believe how much it went down, after putting it under a pillow last night. [yeah. I’m sure I meant the pillow was under my leg, not vice versa…] UNBELIEVABLE! Dad & Jenny came over today – this arvy. Amazed at me walking

Sunday 15/3/87

I’m not so worried about school, even though I got bad news from Fi tonight (well..not good .. not bad(??)) I’ll probly get the nerves tomorrow. See, he & Steven & Cameron & Keith were going to see the Stroopers, so they went to Fi’s …she tried talking to him, but he didn’t say “anything”. (At one stage she said “I was going to call you tonight” & he said “why don’t you tell her you rang but I wasn’t home?” Nice, huh? What’m’ I s’posed to think of that? KNOWing me- the worst. [Well, it’s hardly inspiring…] He hates me. But he can’t. I couldn’t accept that.) Wonder what’ll happen at school? (Today I did chem. & nothing much else – a bit of art) I was going to rest my foot as much as possible today so it wouldn’t hurt for school tomorrow… know what happened? (It’d gone down even more this morning (not much more) but more) It swelled right up again. [A perfect example of what happens when sitting for too long… unless elevated of course, which I doubt I would have been continuing now that I was almost ‘back to normal’…] NO visitors of course. Esp. not mark even though they were in the area. It’s too much to ask. Oh I’m nervous. Angela R. rang tonite – is coming over wednesday arvy. Oooh.. I’m worried. I’m hurt. His song’s on the radio now Miracle of Love. [Hmm, don’t remember that. But I still like the song. Check it out below…] SHIT it’s NOT FAIR.

http://youtu.be/p4ZYp9HZe2o

Ink Art, Hitch-hiking & Hysterical Laughter (5-11 January)

Published on January 5, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 5/1/87

I woke briefly thought briefly about Mark’s letter and drifted off to sleep again. Next thing I know, Jules & mum come in the room – holding the letter. [Well that certainly demonstrates how supportive my mum and sister could be. I guess my anxiety touched their (very) compassionate souls?] it was 8:45. And the letter was 5 foolscap pages. some of it was rather confusing. [Not hard to confuse someone who over-thinks things…] (Today, I went with mum into town. We got school bags for Jules & I and did a little grocery shopping & other things. Also briefly (for once) visited Nana. [Evidently I found visits with my grandmother tedious. I should have kept in mind how lonely she most likely was…] After that I ate, watched TV, listened to music & did crosswords All day.) Some things he said; he keeps my letter in his (new) wallet (!!) he loves Macdonald’s, scolded me for saying he was a typical lazy male who wouldn’t write back and for putting M:A. W. on the envelope. Naughty things he’s done: caught watching Electric Blue video! At the end he says “You really must be thick!! Of course I’m interested! If I wasn’t interested I would not be writing this letter. Nor would I have even opened your letter. (think about that!)” I’m not quite sure what it implies, [are you serious? That’s an overt statement, an admission. Viewing this as an ‘implication’ screams of distrust] but you know what I’m hoping it does! 9:15

Tuesday 6/1/87

I rang Sharon around 9:15. she said she was going to Crystals with Heather AnneMarie & Linda. HITCHING a ride. I said ‘no thanks!’ [My parents schooled me and my sister to never hitchhike for potential danger it posed. I actually don’t think I have ever done it, to this day…] She rang back a little later though, saying she’d chickened out too. So I ended up riding to her place [mind you, cycling – particularly on roads – can be pretty bloody dangerous too…] (took me ½hr) (with my new bag!) and, after lunch, we rode to Trinity. Lay in shade – went for a swim pigged out, went for a walk on the rocks, then rested. Pigged out again before we left. (Faster coming back) At Sharon’s we picked up grass cuttings. [Surely that was a chore, and not for ‘fun’?] I left around 5:00 – we [we? maybe Sharon rode part way with me?] stopped at Smithfield. Ate ½ a crunchie Good ride home (very tired.) Tonight I did more tracings. [Basically, with a pot of ink, a nib and artist’s tracing paper, I created duotone pictures from photos and magazine images. See pic] Thinking I should have rung Mark. Will have to tomorrow night. You know, I haven’t seen him for almost 3 weeks? I’ll die! Nah! [Clown] No rain today – cloudy. VERY HOT. Is 9:20 mima & Fi should be back soon. The 8th(?)

Wednesday 7/1/87

I was going to go see a cartoon movie with Sharon, but wasn’t too disappointed when mum said no. I did more ink tracings. Got a really bad stomach ache – constipation & period pain together (perhaps?) [Nice] About 12:30 I got a call from Sharon. She didn’t go after all – wanted to know if I’d go with her & (her mum) to see the Boy Who Could Fly. Said yes. I watched TV, ate a bit and got ready around 3:00. Took me an hour to get dressed. [I can still be a little indecisive when it comes to putting an outfit together but am nowhere near as bad as I used to be. Remember, only a few years ago I wanted to be a fashion designer… But that wasn’t it – usually it all came down to how ‘fat’ I looked; so time was wasted on poor body image. That’s hours of your life you never get back!] For once, I wasn’t ready (when they came) [Knowing how long it would take me to decide on an outfit, I used to set aside a fair bit of time, so I didn’t often run late. I’m pretty organised…] But the movie was good. Great. Beautiful. Went for iced chocolate at Dormay’s Cafe after. At home, I realised I left my wallet in their car. Tried to organise something to do with Sharon tomorrow so I could get it back. But got in a shit with mum. Is 9:45 still haven’t rung Mark. Dunno when I will. I wish he’d ring me. If I decide to] go out this Saturday I will [ring him]. Movie BUSTIN’ LOOSE. It’s on – dunno if I’ll watch all of it though. Forgot to ring Mrs B to find out when Fi & Mima get back. Still haven’t written to Moni yet!

Thursday 8/1/87

I could’ve gone to Earlville with Sharon today but had to wait for a phone call – thought we would go out to fill in education fee forms (govt allowance) but it never came anyway till late in the arvy. [A government department failing to contact you at an appointed time? Unheard of! …some things never change…] So I could’ve gone with her anyway. Still haven’t rung B’s. Nor Mark. I should tomorrow night. [It’s quite obvious to me now that this procrastination was fear-based…] Maybe I’ll work tomorrow as well as Saturday. Today I ate, watched TV, did crosswords and a bit of (absolutely useless – unsuccessful) sunbaking. Was so hot in the sun. Must write to Moni. Maybe I can do that tonight. I also wanted to ‘reply’ Mark’s letter. I did as soon as I got it – but I don’t like that one. I want to write a simpler, more-to-the-point one. I feel FAT! It’s 9:10. Don’t know if I will stay up and write letters. Depends – if everyone else goes to bed. Sharon rang this arvy – she’s definitely hitching to Crystals tomorrow with AMarie & Heddie.

Friday 9/1/87

As soon as I woke I felt a nagging uneasiness about my wallet. I wanted to get it back from Sharon. Didn’t trust her. [I’m fairly sure my ‘concern’ stemmed more from the desire to just have it ‘safely’ back in my possession, rather than the notion that she might ‘thieve’ from me…] Wrote to Mark today. It was a 10 page letter. [Oh yeah, VERY “simple” Liss…] Sent it & Moni’s today also. Tidied out my room this morning – did ink drawings till we went to pick up my wallet .. Sharon was at Crystals with AnneMarie & Heather (HITCHED out there.) [capital letters denoting my ‘disapproval’!] Did a bit of grocery shopping. At home, stuffed round. Sharon rang; asked if I wanted to go out tonight – AM & H. were. I refused. [I’m thinking that Heather & Anne-Marie’s hitch-hiking activities made them a bit too “bad-ass” for timid little me to hang out with…] Rang Fi tonight. Had the longest talk! They did get home yesterday; around 1:00. Didn’t ring Mark. I think he should ring me. Feel very thirsty for milk, and, now water. Strange! [Indeed…. that you should even bother diarising that…] Slightly cooler day today – cool breeze. Is 9:40. Mum said I have bags under my eyes. Sleeping restlessly lately. Mum’s been smoking. Jules & I have sprung her with lighter & matches. All she does is laugh hysterically. She lied to us. [She tried to give the habit away a number of times but it wasn’t until she was in her mid-to-late 50’s that she succeeded. I find amusing the notion that suggests the offspring of smoking parents are most likely to become future smokers themselves: it certainly hasn’t applied to me or my sister at all. We both vehemently detest the filthy, destructive habit. It was undeniably a main contributing factor to mum’s ill-health & eventual death. She certainly wasn’t “laughing hysterically” in the final months of her life and was, ironically, preaching to my niece & nephew never to smoke. Oh how tables can turn…]

Saturday 10/1/87

After waking, I did ink drawings (tracings) I continued when mum left. Dad said he’d be late; about 10:00. He came at 12:30, so Jules & I had changed our minds; we didn’t go to work. [Fair enough; two and half hours is more than enough time for anyone to change his/her mind.] I did silly tracings all day. Ate a fair bit too. I rang Jemima and she told me Jay was having a party. I went around 8:15. It was BIG. Walked up with Elisia & Glynn & Alan B to get Fiona. Beka & Justine were there too. I talked to people all night. Was rather boring. One thing disturbed me most; about Cameron (& Mark.) I mentioned to Alan & Glynn about him. Glynn confirmed it – but didn’t say much. Alan was trying to make me forget it. [It? What was ‘it’?] Glynn also mentioned Mark was shitty with me. what about? “Find out yourself.” when was this? “When he got your letter & before you left”. [All too cryptic!] I’m going to ring him tomorrow night to talk it over. (Few quite cute guys at the party tonight – No interest in me – but who would?) [“Poor Me”] Is 1:20. Was rather hot today. Amanda visited Jules

Sunday 11/1/87

Today I actually slept in. Know why? Julia had towels over her louvres & it made the room darker. It was great! I got up about 9:30. I think (??) and did few ink tracings (am rather sick of that now) [LOL, why? …you’ve only done it for the past 6 days…?] and read mags. Then Jules mum & I went to Smithfield Shopping Centre. Had a good browse around Big W. Got a new orange singlet! And something really funny happened. Jules & I were in the loo Two ladies came in. Julia was in one & one of the ladies went on the one [cubicle] I was in [had just come out of]. She farted! We cacked! [‘Cacking’ is slang for pooping your pants, so in this context, it means we basically laughed so hard we could have ‘crapped ourselves’] It was embarrassing I couldn’t hide my laughter from the other lady; God I tried! [You know what it’s like; laughing at the most inappropriate or awkward moments, it becomes impossible to stop and in fact makes you laugh harder…] Julia & I were in hysterics before we even got out [of the toilets]! At home (late in the arvy) I sat (lay) in the sun, browning my stomach – it wasn’t hot – I barely coloured. Then I rang Mark tonight. We got on well. Guess what? He’s ringing me tomorrow! We’re gonna do something!! CAN’T WAIT!! Is 9:50. Tired. Hot!

Talking Heads, Don Quixote & Cookaburra’s Corner (16-22 June)

Published on June 16, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 16/6/86

Woke a little later today… about 8:00 These late nights really make me tired. Today we went to the beach. I can’t believe how long this ‘stint’ is continuing [the continuous sleepovers: in the past our parents (collectively) hadn’t ever allowed this many consecutive sleepovers] Mima & Monique are staying tonight too. Mrs B drove us into the Gumtree Corner (after we’d cleaned up etc) where we caught the Northern Beaches bus to Trinity Beach. It was excellent. We sunbaked, swam (very little) and occasionally went to the shop to pig out [that i, stuff ourselves with rubbish]. Tim S was there with Gary & Chris C, Jason M, Rachel D & some others. He’s a reject [noun, negative connotation] (tried to get mima’s phone number…) went back to mima’s (caught bus to “Talking Heads” [one of the trendiest hair salons in Cairns at the time]) mima packed and Mrs B dropped us here. We got ready (& mucked around) then went to the Eisteddfod. Marge got 2nd hers was better tho, I think. Otherwise it was bloody boring. After we were to meant to catch a taxi home, but we all (M& H too) walked around looking for a cafe; were followed [?? by whom? what? I don’t know what I meant here] but soon found Don Quixote Really neat. Got home by taxi – just enough money. SUNBURN!! ouch

Tuesday 17/6/86

Woke rather early again. The beds I made up were bloody uncomfortable and slept badly. Today, Sharon rang. mima & monique went home around 10:30 the time sharon was going to come. Thank god she came after they went (I’d told her a stack of lies about what I’d been doing “lately”; she’s bitching about mima & monique especially) Anyway, we played monopoly rather boring and dragged out (esp. cos I lost) then ate big scrumptious lunch and went to shop to pig out. Sharon rode home around 2:00 (athletics training) I lazed round at home. Rang mima and she said we couldn’t really meet Lucy at the airport so around 5:00 Mrs B dropped us at Monique’s. Beautiful house and really great parents!! [Although I didn’t realise it at the time, this was the inception of a new and very special friendship for me. In the coming months, Monique & I became, as her parents even put it, “inseparable”. She was the first ‘best friend’ I’d since early primary school. My very own best friend, so I no longer felt I was playing ‘third wheel’ to Jemima and Fiona] Walked to vid. shop convinced monique not to get a horror [movie]. Another lateish nite again. Shit. I’m worn out! Has definitely not been boring Hols so far!!!

Wednesday 18/6/86

Woke fairly early (about 7:00) Boy was it good to sleep in a bed on my own for once!! We lazed round, reading etc and got ready to go to Earlville after bacon & eggs brekky. Almost got eyeshadows there, but couldn’t decide between 3 sets. After, went to town (mima was shopping for clothes for Japan) met Brent. Dropped monique home & my stuff home. Got out at Lucy’s; mim, Brent, me, Lucy & Beka walked up to mima’s and watched a video. Initially it was strange seeing Lucy again; didn’t know what to say! But was good – told her about Mark!! (she seemed “pleased” enough) Walked home. (Mum’s been sick – but is on the road to recovery and I think I have caught Julia’s cold) Fi came shopping today but stuck close to polly in fact did everything with polly. mima actually talked to me ’bout it on the way to her place (when no one else was there) she said what a bitch fiona was today [only words of hurt]. I’m thinking Jemima’s not so fussed on Fi anymore. [Just a phase. Teenaged girls!!] Clues (??) that she likes me more?? (than before) things like “Mark and Brent are good friends….” [which I don’t think was the case]

Thursday 19/6/86

Slept badly last night. Woke up all the time – throat extremely sore. Not quite as and now, but it’s definite that I have a cold. You can always tell – I start off with mucus→ sore throat from sucking it back → nasal congestion or “runniness”→ (perhaps) a cough. Woe is me! Sharon came round quite late this morning. We played monopoly again, had lunch then both had to relax. Sharon was sick (said she’d caught wog off boy over the road: they trained together) So we drove her home a lot later. Poor thing -she was quite pale. Wondering what Jemima did today was going to ring her, but never got round to it → also had sore (still have) throat so not easy to talk. wonder if she’s talking with Fi again. Also wondered [1] what Lucy did today, [2] when I’ll get my haircut, [and 3, when I’ll] go raging with Lucy & everyone etc 9:39 Uhoh! mucus again. Please God no!! When will I go to work?

Friday 20/6/86

Well, the sore throat is no more → now comes the nasal congestion and ‘tightness’ in the throat→ tendency to cough which makes me talk funny. (my voice that is) [Some – in fact many – would say I talk funny anyway. Now. I have a ‘distinctive’ (nasally) voice, I believe.] Today was my first really boring day of the holidays. Yes, I finally resorted to watching TV. Played cards with Julia. Looked at magazines Did everything “trivial” and totally boring. But, while cleaning (dusting) my furniture this arvy Lucy called and around 6:15 we went to dinner at Cookaburra’s Corner -new restaurant was alright→ fairly expensive. Had entree and main; couldn’t eat more so left early. Went back to Lucy’s for 1½hrs. Talked’n’watched TV. Cold seems to be getting better! (??) Julia almost went to court today about Jenny’s car crash last year. [?? I don’t remember anything about this either] She was a witness. 11:22. Wanna go out and rage. Gonna work tomorrow! 1st time in about 4 weeks!! UMAH!!!!

Saturday 21/6/86

Work! Yes! I worked! Believe it or not. I got there early but didn’t start work until 11:00 or so cos’ I spent time playing computer games on Dad’s new computer. Got $20 for (approx.) 5 hours work. And after; got home around 6:30 mum had gone with Geoff to the Clarkes for dinner (and Julia was gonna spend the night at dad’s) I rang Lucy she and Beka walked over & I grabbed some gear to stay the night after ringing mum about it. Went to Mr W’s girlfriend’s house for dinner then went straight to sleep once at ‘home’! Played a lot of cards!!

Sunday 22/6/86

Woke rather late (think I got almost 8-9hrs sleep!!) We had late brekky and just played cards’n’watched TV. I left just after 1:00 after we’d been to the shop (!!) Got ready for beach party back at home. (I ended up being too dressed up and split my white skirt→ so I borrowed Erica’s denim shorts) Was alright. Lotsa ‘couples’ – was depressing. But the fire and moon kept me dreaming. [You know the trance you can fall into when fire- or moon- gazing?] One time, Steven told Polly to say “Elissa, how’s Mark?” I said “who?” “Mark” “Mark who?” and Steven said “Good one Polly!” What does that mean? [I think it means you were being baited Liss] Does Steven know I like Mark or Mark likes me? How embarrassing. that got me wondering. I thought mark didn’t want anyone to know. Late nite after all. about 11:30. Maybe Mark told Steven at the dance maybe mark does want everyone to know [oh so innocent….naive!]

Corporal Punishment & a Lost Opportunity? (24-30 June)

Published on July 2, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 24/6/85

Mum’s a bitch. She still resorts to ‘the belt’ to punish us. Funny, eh? Fucking hurts, though. I screamed the house down (or yelled, I think) [Wow, I don’t remember getting the belt at this age. That’s impressive!] Anyhow, went to town (Earlville, really) & wasted fucking $30. Bought on impulse a pr. white pants, then nervous about fit – took them back & got red ones. HATE them too. Also got a blue jumper. Mum’s kept it all now. I’ve still got NOTHING. Probly won’t get anything either. Fuckin’ mole, mum. [Liss, it’s not her fault you didn’t like the stuff YOU purchased!] Read dolly all arvy (new one) then watched TV. Played frisbee & watched TV again. Ate little up till tea time when ate whole tin of fruit & bowl of soup & toast. Guts-ache [To clarify: I didn’t have a gut ache, I was berating myself.] (Mum told me to go to bed, so I’m staying up to watch MINDER!!)

Tuesday 25/6/85

MATTHEW McK’s BIRTHDAY 1 day old! Today I rang mima to tell her I have her basket from the speech concert & we ended up going to town. Was fun. Saw “Police Academy II” not too funny after all. Saw David L, Paul P, Ben P, Rebecca P, Sean H & wait for it …. Sean M. He’s gotten taller. Lucy is going to mima’s on Thursday. So is Brent. And Steven. He had his hair cut & bought new shorts for her. Mima’s nervous. She “knows her won’t like her…she’s so different to him”. Wish I was in her place. [Clearly regretting the lost opportunity. I detested my shyness – which, unbelievably to some, has plagued me all my life. It’s interesting how little attention I gave to the previous crush, Sean M. Over him, much?] Naaah Forget I ever said that. Late-ish nite tonight watching mini-series – LACE

Wednesday 26/6/85

Went to town (Earlville & Westcourt.) At ambition, tried on red skirts – too tight, too thick material…. Did a little shopping, but finally got white cardigan from K-Mart. Has red stripes (double) around base, wrist cuff & neckline. Also around left sleeve in the middle. Love it. Watched TV the rest of the day. Ate one hell of a lot. Have decided to go on a diet after the holidays. I worked out the theory of dieting & have decided to do it for my FIGURE, not my weight. However if I lose 1 stone in weight, I should lose some figural fat!!! [Interestingly enough, I actually got that kinda right: ignore the scales, focus on how your clothes fit. But the word ‘diet’ – knowing I meant it in terms of ‘dieting’ – makes me cringe.] At Diane & Kerry’s while mum’s at N. Trust Meeting. Gonna watch a video later!!

Thursday 27/6/85

Did a big fat nothing today. Listened to music, made a cake, ate, played frisbee, watched TV. How boring can you get? Went to see Mandy around 4:00 today. Matthew is beautiful! So small compared to Heath – cute!! Mandy says she’ll go home next week on Tuesday. Today was Lucy & Steven’s BIG Day! Wonder how it worked out. Ready for Fiona’s! Mum’s going to Mackay this weekend on National Trust Meeting. Bluelight, too. So instead of risking it at Dad’s, I’m going to Fiona’s place. Fri night, Sat, Sun & Mon. Morning

Friday 28/6/85

A little homesick aLLREADY !! News has it that the BIG DAY did occur. ‘Good’ news – Steven hates Lucy (apparently she acted like a posh, spoilt rich bitch) & BAD news is that he’s off to the Bluelight with Anna B. Lissa, you can’t see a good thing when it comes, can you?? Today mostly worried about what to take/pack 4 Fiona’s. Watched TV & listened to music in between. At Fi’s talked, watched TV, got a little BORED!! Watched TV then after dinner went to Jemima’s. Polly & mim & us sat in a dark room singing all the songs we could think of. Going to town 2morrow & I have nothing to wear…

Saturday 29/6/85

Woke early. Very early. Went into town with Jemima, Polly, Anna & Fiona. Didn’t have anything to wear! Wore my new cardy. Went to mima’s after. Spent arvy plaiting Fiona’s hair. At Fi’s got ready 4 blu-light. Fi worried about top she bought – how she thought it didn’t match her trousers. It did. Blulight was a boring one. Yes, Steven is very nice & yes Anna & him hit it off well. Shit! My imagination had me thinking he might’ve liked me (at the beginning) but it soon came apparent that he didn’t – well, not that much. Lucy wasn’t there! Others [who?] left at 9:30 to go to a party. Fi & I talked to Andrea and Michelle T (Yes, normally miss snob!)

Sunday 30/6/85

Lazed around today. Woke late. Had late brekky. Played cards for the rest of the morning. After lunch went to mima’s. All (Polly, Anna, me, mima & fiona) decided to ride into town for an ice cream from “Sly Cones”.Was yummy. Had another one at Great Australian Icecreamery. Then we rode to Brent’s. Brent & Steven weren’t there, but Mrs G. (really nice cheery lady) invited us in & we watched a video. They came and about an hour later we left to ride home. Watched movie tonight “On Golden Pond”. Lovely! My 4th time!!

Hormones & Accused of Theft (21-27 January)

Published on June 10, 2013 by Elissa Coxen3 Comments

Monday 21/1/85

Today woke 7:30. Rang Dad. He said he’d pick me up, but be late. When he came, stayed for coffee, while I dressed & gathered my gear. Started cleaning drums 9:30. Finished After lunch – 1:30. Did 75; 25c per drum = $18.75. Then at 2:00, did 2hrs labelling work = $8. Total – $26.75. Had BIG lunch! Mum came & took us home at 5:00. At home, relaxed. Mandy & Bill came & looked at the house. Heath is bigger & more beautiful, now! After they, left, had a bath (scrubbed chemical-free!) [shudder to think about all those chemicals I was exposed to now…] dins & watched TV all night. Am gonna watch “Dick Emery Show” soon. Geoff had a haircut. Skint! [Skint: the replacement word for ‘shame or embarrassment’. I have no idea how this word, which actually means “lacking funds” came to be used in this context. Unless someone decided lack of ‘face’ (as in ‘losing face’) was an acceptable ulterior meaning?] Rang mima. She forgot to ring

Tuesday 22/1/85

Today was hot because spent most of it out of the house. Woke 7:00 to the sound of a bobcat. Our yard is now quite very level!! Today went to town with mim & Jules. Took my $20. Looked around town for shorts. A few good options, but I didn’t buy. Was upset, [in other words, threw a tantrum] so mum (after getting petrol) drove us out to Earlville, where I finally bought a pair of yellow shorts $9.95 from ambition & a$5 lime green T-shirt from Rockman’s. On the way home, treated me & Julia to a choccy eclair & cream bun (for jules). At home, drew & mucked around. Nana then Petra came. We played cards. She went home. Watching “Prophecies of Nostradamus” [Aha! There it is. This was not the first time I had watched a documentary about the ‘great prophet’…I was fascinated by him or rather, his predictions.] Is eerie. Scares me.

Wednesday 23/1/85

In the bath last night, I cut myself twice with a stupid razor & gave up shaving. In bath just cried & cried for no reason. Kept saying “why me? why me?” Haven’t cried for ages…….[This kind of stuff happened on occasion. With hindsight, I would put it down to those wild teenage hormone fluctuations.] Today, thought I slept in, but woke at 7:30. Went to do grocery shopping & I spent $5 dollars “click” just like that! Bought iced doughnuts. Sickly’n’fattening. After, Petra & Anette M. came around. Later Margie. We just played cards all arvy. Had to get ready to go to Nana’s. I stalled. Rang mima. She wasn’t there. Pol answered. 5mins later she rang me. Not allowed to go to Green [Island]. Her mum said “why pay to get burnt?” Nana minded us while mum was at a National Trust Meeting.

Thursday 24/1/85

Today, Julia woke me at 6:30, to tell me that Oikaze (our biggest goldfish) was dead. [Interesting name…I wonder where we got that from? I don’t remember it at all] Got ready early for Brewers to take me to the beach (Trinity Stinger Net) Was fun there. Did not stay long at all. Went for a 20min walk, 20min swim then walked to the shop for an iceblock, where Mr & Mrs B. picked us up. Went back to mim’s. Spent all afternoon in the pool! Estimated 6hrs swimming today! Came home & ate. Had a long bath, to soothe the ole’ sunburn. Just watched TV. Rang mim 8:30 Are going to movies tomorrow. I must also get a haircut & Kevin Shorey will teach me to change my earrings correctly.

Friday 25/1/85

Mum woke us early. Dunno why but was too early cause was ready to pick up everyone at 8:00, when we were supposed to go at 9:00. Beka came, too. (Bitch) “The Last Starfighter” was a great movie!! Saw Liam & his friend, Adam. Also Toni & Angela Bitches, too. After, walked around all day. Boring! Got skinted 2 times. Williams the Shoeman I knocked over a shelf of shoes & in Sportsgirl I was accused of stealing. [I vividly recall this incident. I had found a dress I loved in a crowded rack of clothing on sale, and ‘hid’ it under another item of clothing on the same rack so that no one would potentially find my treasure & buy it from underneath me. As we all left the store, the manager came running after us & directed me back to the shop where she began her interrogation. I’m non-confrontational so was probably in shock at first but I recall professing my innocence and revealing the buried dress. I can’t remember if the others had come back in the shop as well or waited outside, but I was truly mortified and embarrassed – despite not being technically in the wrong.] BAD DAY. Got home around 5:00 Mum was at Freshy hairdressers. I couldn’t get in the house. Had a bath, watched TV & the movie. Was O.K. Julia went to the doctors yesterday ‘cos lately she’s been getting black marks on her pants. Dr D. said she has her PERIODS. [I truly thought my sister would not want this private information shared, so called her before transcribing, to check. She laughed her head off and said “I don’t care…it’s FUNNY!”]

Saturday 26/1/85

AUSTRALIA DAY. Had a dream about Andrew Ridgeley Last night – yes, the spunky partner to George Michael in Wham! It’s funny – I could actually see his features clearly. Normally you don’t see people’s faces, you just know they’re them in the dream. And now, when I look at the poster, I feel I know him thoroughly, like an old friend (I think I love him.) I’m nuts. [You said it!] Today, mum went to the Cairns City Place for the Aussie Day Celebrations. I went to Fi’s, then mim’s at 10:30. Watched “Sahara”. Lazed around until Glenn came. Went to the spare block on the top of Blue Hills Cres. Liam & Adam came up. After, went to Fi’s, then Freshy Creek, then the spare block again. After, went home. Clarke’s came for drink. early nite

Sunday 27/1/85

Woke late, lazed around. Got 10-11 hours sleep last night. Good, huh?! Went to Tinaroo Dam today. Invited mim & fi. Laughed & talked on the way up. When got there, saw Rachel & Kate C. Felt the water. Went & sat in car, mim read while fi & I changed radio stations looking for good songs. Had lunch then continued in the car. Was windy & overcast, but eventually decided to swim. Strong rip in the dam, but had great fun. Was freezing out of water. Packed up when got out & went to a ‘maze’. [I only vaguely remember this maze, and have no idea where exactly it is/was. If anyone else can recall it, please let me know.] Was treadly. Got lost, but eventually got out. Really dudish! [Another new word! I don’t even remember this one. I can only guess that it’s another word for …cool?!] After, went to a pub, but we still sat in the car. Laughed had fun on way home. Early night again.

Rain, Puzzles & Crusher Dust (14-20 January)

Published on June 9, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 14/1/85

Woke quite late cause I had another late nite. After reading for awhile, left for mima’s where fi & I ducked to fi’s then back. Finally, we were ready to go to town. In town, saw hardly anyone except David D. (blech) wonder if he still likes me? Was hot & exhausting in town today. Got home at 5:30. Just read the Smash Hits magazine (which I bought for Jules). Had a small dinner and an early-ish nite. Is overcast now – now raining: hope we get a good flood. Rang 4AM this morning. Bluelight:- 2nd Feb

Tuesday 15/1/85

Has been raining all day. I think we are in for a flood (I hope) It is much cooler now. Today woke at 7:00, then decided to go into work and earn some money. When Jenny dropped Julia back here – she had been at Dad’s Last nite & the night before – we set off. Once at Dad’s I felt no more like working. [So fickle!] So As Mum had an appointment with the bank manager, Julia & I went to Earlville & browsed. Got home at Lunchtime. Yard & carport are flooded But later Mr F. lent a hand in digging drains. Just lazed about all arvy. Am having an early nite.

Wednesday 16/1/85

I’ve been thinking about people who don’t like me. You know who they are, but I now know for sure that Beka hates me. Before we went to see ‘Ghostbusters’ Fi asked Beka what was wrong, I moved away & Beka said, “I can’t stand Elissa.” I hate you , too, Rebekah!! [Clearly this had been weighing heavily on my mind, since it’s the second time I’ve recounted the story] Today it did not cease raining for one second!! Pouring or sprinkling all day! I just wrote out (began to) my 1984 diary. It’s too messy to read, all squashed up in that planner. Petra, Auntie Leonie & Nana visited today. Jules is at Petra’s tonight. TV is bung. Mrs B.’s Birthday!

Thursday 17/1/85

Sun; I don’t believe it! It has finally stopped raining but now it will become hot again. Today I continued on with writing out my 1984 diary before & after we got back from Town. Mum just paid bills & got our address changed at various places. I went back to Kevin Shorey, finally. He put my proper earring back in. Seemed not worried about the earring & didn’t accept money for the disadvantage. Nice guy, eh? Petra came with us to town. I Bought a pair of white earrings ‘Button’ studs. Sorted out some junk before having a bath. Went to Di & Kerry’s for tea. Barbra & Darren are leaving tomorrow. Watched “We of the Never Never” (Again!)

Friday 18/1/85

Today was hot. Geoff was still here when I woke up. [Meaning: he stayed over and I disapproved.] Rang mima before going to town. She hasn’t found my copper bracelet yet. I also mentioned a trip to Green Is for, perhaps, Wednesday next week. After doing various things (getting Julia’s school shoes, port & blouses) went to Nana’s. Passed the take-away in the Plaza & two boys were there. One waved. I smiled & waved back! I have Confidence!! Got TV back, when got home. It was fixed for the 4th time, now. Lazed around at home. Did some puzzles in a puzzle book, made a pencil tin etc. Late-ish nite. Julia’s staying at Dad’s tonite & tomorrow night

Saturday 19/1/85

Today was boring. Woke around 7:30. Did some puzzles in the puzzle book, then had toast and orange juice for breakfast. After more puzzles, I continued writing out my 1984 Diary. Played records all day. Mum cleaned paint spots off the louvres. Had a pie & sausage roll for lunch today. Mr F. gave us some (a lot) fine gravel to even up the ground. Mum & I levelled it out, while a big thunderstorm passed quickly. Mum kept up until the whole 1st pile was gone. We just had baked beans for tea. Late night. Am about to watch the movie. Night, night!

Sunday 20/1/85

Movie went on for years!! Got to sleep about 12 last night. Woke at 9:45!! Yes!! I slept in!! Was tired today. Ate like a horse. Continued on with rewriting diary. Made lotsa mistakes. Wore an old, ripped petticoat today & that red & white polka dot blouse which I cut the sleeves off. I cut off the collar, & wore it as a hair ribbon/tie. [Ever the fashionista. And oh, those scissors again, that mum hated me touching…] Watched cricket, too. Australia was put to shame again by the Windies. We lost by 65!! Rang mim tonight. Going to think about Thurs. for our Green Is. trip. She’s gonna ring me back tomorrow night. Going to work tomorrow. Feel guilty about how much I ate today!!

Farewell 1984 (24-31 December)

Published on June 6, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Here’s your “Bumper Christmas Issue”! Just over a week’s worth of entries to round off the year cleanly (I do have some OCD tendencies) including a christmas present list and the emotional musings I randomly scribbled in the final pages of the diary. Enjoy…

Monday 24/12/84

Woke late again. Did nothing till 11:00 when (after shaving cream, towel & water fights) went & delivered some chemicals. Stayed at Keane’s for a drink then after lunch at Jenny’s came home, watch TV & had quite a late night.

Tuesday 25/12/84

CHRISTMAS DAY. Woke early & tried unsuccessfully to sleep in. Dad came & we opened our presents. Wasn’t too happy with all of them. (the list of things is on the 3rd last page of this book.) [I have photographed said page but also transcribed it for ease of viewing, below. In defence of my ‘ingratitude’ with regard to gifts received, it actually stems from an inherent abhorrence of Waste. It upset me that people wasted their money on something I didn’t want, would never use/wear. This kind of sentiment underlies the anti-materialism attitude I developed in later years. Suffice to say, my ingratitude became an indelible mark on me, because my father & stepmother still bring it up on the odd occasion…] After Dad, Jacki, Jenny & Anthony left, went to a Xmas (dinner) lunch at Dianne & Kerry’s. Came home early & watched TV. Went to bed at 10:20 but just couldn’t get to sleep.

MUM – nothing, but I understand our/her financial problems

DAD – other ½ of bike!! silver chain bracelet

JULIA – lemon yellow jewellery stand [which was actually a kitchen cup/mug holder!]

NANA – lead pencils, rubbers, ruler, sharpener, soaps, diary-type book, school sox & a writing set/paper [a very typical style of gift from my grandma. I’m surprised there weren’t any handkerchiefs as well]

PAPA – big yellow beach towel

GEOFF – $25 voucher for Sportsgirl

JENNY & CO – eyeshadow

JODI & CO – baby pink shirt, $10 & 1 (crappy) ←(naaaah!) make up set

PAM & CO – bright necklace

BEV & CO – bright bracelet/bangle & nailpolish

DIANE B. & CO – blue & yellow polyester/cotton mini-dress

MRS M. – pen & watch set

MANDY & CO – one strap T shirt

Wednesday 26/12/84

BOXING DAY. Went to Robinson’s for a Christmas drink & ended up staying all day. Watched a video, played pool (Billiards or whatever) when they dropped us home, we gave them a tour of the house. The Skinners were at the Fishers. Had an early-ish night.

Thursday 27/12/84

With Geoff’s Sportsgirl voucher, Jules mum & I went into town & got some gear. I bought a hot pink singlet with Sportsgirl written on it & a red & white striped Tshirt with a collar & front buttons. Julia bought a pair of white shorts, a white Tshirt & a red cap. At home, mum ironed while Jules & I played records. Went to Clarke’s for a Christmas drink, ended up staying for tea. Got home about 11:30.

Friday 28/12/84

Woke early & went to work. Finished all the remaining drums (67 = $14.50) then dad said he’d pay me $4 per hr for labelling drums. I did 3hrs so my day’s total was $26.50. After, went to shipyard – wharf saw Glenn & Lynn C. for drinks

Saturday 29/12/84

Woke early-ish & went to Earlville. Looked around for a while but finally bought a neat pair of white with pink pinstripes shorts, a 1985 diary, record “Make It Big” by WHAM! and the January “Dolly”. Went to dad’s after lunch. That night Jenny, Julia, Dad & I went to drive-In. Gonna see “Muppets Take Manhattan” at the cinema but at Drive In, saw Footloose & “Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom” Were both terriffic.

Sunday 30/12/84

Went to Gordonvale to deliver some products today then spent the rest of the day at Peta & Marney’s. WAS VERY HOT.

Monday 3/12/84

Well it’s about 12:10, so I shouldn’t be writing in this diary. I dunno why but I’m extra sad this year. When I mentioned I forgot my 1985 Diary to Dad my eyes began to water. Luckily no one saw. Today, I mean ‘yesterday’ Dec. 31 I just read books all day. We had a New year’s Eve Party at Dad’s. I don’t know why I’m so emotional. Last year wasn’t my favourite year.

It wasn’t a very good year at all.

On the inside back cover of the diary I had written the following:

at the top, and at the bottom:

Christmas Shopping (17-23 December)

Published on June 5, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 17/12/84

Went to town with Justine at 12:00. S’posed to try to buy some shirts – couldn’t find any. Got Julia’s chrissy present also got some pale pink nail polish, grey eyeliner, 3 butterfly hair clips (1 4 me, other 2 for mim & Fi’s chrissy prezzys.) Julia found her present tonite. Stupid bitch. I’ll have to refund/change them now.

Tuesday 18/12/84

Julia has some sort of wog, Poor girl. I went to work for dad. Cleaned drums and earned $20!! [Some of the work I did for my father would be illegal in this day & age. My primary job was to wash out 10 litre cube drums that had had chemicals such as hydrochloric acid, ammonia, sodium hypochlorite with a hose, for recycling. No protective clothing, footwear, gloves, eyewear or respiratory masks. OH &S and Risk Management were non-existent in the ’80’s] Oh! I forgot tot tell you yesterday I finally put up the christmas decorations! After I’d come home from town that is.

Wednesday 19/12/84

Went to see “Gremlins” with mim, fi, polly & anna. stayed in town after. Got Geoff’s Julia’s & Dad’s presents (couldn’t refund Julia’s records.) Nana left for Sydney today so I didn’t have to get her a present after all. Thank God! I can’t afford any more!

Thursday 20/12/84

Worked at Dad’s again today. Was quite hot. Am tired. (I earned exactly $20 & a pair of sunburnt thighs!)

Friday 21/12/84

Spent the whole day at Earlville with Julia. Got mum’s, Jodie’s, Michael’s, mim’s & Fi’s prezzys. Have no money left but no more presents to buy!! At home, I wrapped them all.

Saturday 22/12/84

IS SO HOT!! Lazed around today. Finished wrapping all prezzys then watched TV all day. Ate too much. Going to dad’s tomorrow.

Sunday 23/12/84

Woke late, actually. Can’t believe I have not woken up before 7:00 one day of the holidays so far! Packed bag & watched TV till dad came. Julia went with Jenny. 10 min delay at Oak Beach. A van had rolled no one was hurt, tho. Just watched TV at Jenny’s.