1986 – Page 2 – A Life in Words

Six Sea Shells, Water Fights & ‘Hopeless Devotion’ (20-26 October)

Published on October 20, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 20/10/86

I saw him (properly) once. And he smiled (I don’t know if it was to me but) he was looking at me at the same time. And keith was friendly enough – more so than Mark – but that’s just natural. I spent 3rd, little lunch, 4th, 5th & big lunch in the art room. My picture’s complete but I hate it. It’s boring. It needs something different. I hate it & I left my theory booklet in the art room so I haven’t done the theory (rang Monique to get the Questions) – God he’s gorgeous when he smiles!! (MW) Also started weight watchers today – was surprised how un-hungry I was!! Only got abit near dinner time. Otherwise amazing!! Waking early to do sea shells [the art assignment I was struggling with. We were expected to create a piece with the ‘uniform’ title Six Sea Shells]. Do what? God only knows!! Is 9:55

Tuesday 21/20/86

Got a lift to school again – got my theory part finished just in time. Woke early-ish..did the picture; added tracing paper & cellophane. Am pleased with the end product. My theory I rushed during double bio, art & little lunch. Saw little of Mark, but think he was looking at me. Sharon reckons so, too – as well as Steven. (?? hope!) [← am not certain that that was the word I meant – I couldn’t decipher my handwriting] Big lunch – the first free one (really) since I’ve been back at school. In the Daily Sun in the Library, (Taurus) mark’s starsign read; “You will have a change of heart for someone or something.” Someone!! Me?? Hope! Yummy gorgeous! Stevie’s cute too [“Stevie”??!]. Is 9:10 – coulda bin in bed ages ago fooling round. Travers rang me 2nite didn’t know what to say. Six sea shells finished – now have english oral & assignment + chem + maths + STUDY for exams

Wednesday 22/10/86

Yes! Yes! Yes! I think he dropped Nicole tonight. He was looking at me. Also talked today a bit – great!!! Then tonight we talked even more. I think I can tell!! Did no HW. Sharon’s staying over – late notice. Decided at the dance – so she didn’t have to go home early. Hot it was. Remind me to have a shower in the morning so I don’t stink. [Ooookaaay] Didn’t have much HW anyway. Finally got my bio mark back 35/40 Wo!! Still lotsa work to do. We talked a lot! I think I’ve realised the problem. I couldn’t hack it if Mark didn’t like me ever. I’m hopelessly devoted I think. [Yeah, that sure is a problem. The best news is that feeling changed!] Rode today. Rode home on own to make pants for the dance & I love ’em! Is [here I forgot to actually note the time]

Thursday 23/10/86

Yes! I did talk to him today! End of big lunch, before biology in 6th period And yes, I think he really does like me. Had fun at lunchtime today.. Angie, Fiona, Justine, Sharon, Donna, Sandie, Monique all ate mangoes from the big tree in the walkway down the centre of the school (I hate them) [not any more, they’re one of my favs now] & back at our area, Sharon & Kathyanne had a water fight. Got Asti. Were all sopping wet. All the guys & us girls were watching. They were (the guys) going to get me so Travers said. They got Fi when the bell went. Then Mark told me to come over “Fiona wanted to talk to me.” She said she didn’t – but I saw Steven with water so I ran. Yes! I was meant to be that target too, but Fi got it again. She was satched [a slang abbreviation for ‘saturated’]. During 7th p. started raining. Poured till about 6:00. Great rain!! Shoulda had an early night. Is 9:40. Got only 5 or so hours sleep last night. Sharon rode home on my bike at 5:50. Mum dropped me to school yet again.

Friday 24/10/86

Today we went downtown during period 4, 5, big lunch & 6th (& ½ of 7th) to clean off windows. Before that nothing happened except that I stuffed up my oral [english speaking assignment] totally. And I’m not going to repeat it [coz I detest “speaking in public”]. Walked downtown – mark, nev, Steven & keith right behind us. They, (mark, nev & steven) swam at Granada [a hotel] pool. I talked to him & steven. They disappeared then reappeared later. Talking to us, then steven started a fight – Mark & Steven against me with dirty (green) water. So? Who cares? [←not sure what that means] Then, walking back to school, Mark had a jet-spray gun. [Perhaps that’s what they went to get when they ‘disappeared’ earlier?] Chased me now & then Monique just walked. Stayed in art room for remaining school time – went for a walk – came back & mark & Steven had hidden our bags. Found them. Got changed and that was it. SO HOT. Glad I talk to Mark every day. [It had been a LONG time coming…the courage, the ‘opportunity’…] Does he really like me a lot? Beka’s staying over – came over primarily to see me – talking so much asked her to stay over.

Saturday 25/10/86

Beka left early. I spent the whole day writing the letter to Delanie, all about Mark. Get this → 32 pages long! Cherie & Petra (& Amanda) came over in the arvy. I love talking to Petra. I like Cherie a lot too. Got periods today. Anyhow, after I finally finished the letter (in a rush – I was so sick of writing it) I talked/thought about it. Writing that “history” and hearing it all again shed a different light on my feelings towards mark. I think, more like hope, that he really does like me more than other girls, in a different way. It’d be beautiful. I think I love him. He means almost everything to me at this point in time anyway. [Such a ‘romantic’.] Is 10:00. Wanna sleep in. Did little HW tonight. Have an english assignment left to do yet.

Sunday 26/10/86

Not an interesting day. Dad came around 11:00 [to pick us up]. (Before that I did some HW) I watched TV there. Oh! Besides that, I actually went for a walk on the beach [he and Jenny lived at Holloways Beach] for about 1 hour with Jules, during which I ‘leaked’ & I didn’t know till I got back. It was rectified, however. God its hot! Anthony, when I first saw him said to me “Liam wants to root you.” I couldn’t stop laughing (I didn’t know what to say?) [I seem to be stuck for words often. I’ve always been one of those people who thinks of a comeback or witty remark long after the moment has passed.] I always thought Liam hated me! Remembered how the others talked about him .. how he’d also screw [privacy omission here] if he had the chance. well, well…!!! [He’s a teenaged boy – isn’t that what most of them want to do?] Is only 8:00. Am going to bed. Did not even start my final english assignment, nor any study. Boring at dad’s I really really really [the third ‘really’ actually had a double underline under it. REALLY!] hope Mark likes me a real lot; and differently to all the others. That would be love. [Really?!]

Coincidences, Cover Songs & the Sleepover Toga Party (13-19 October)

Published on October 13, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 13/10/86

Didn’t think Mark was coming – was surprised when I saw him (with Steven) walking to art. Went into town (Cominos arcade) period 3, little lunch, periods 4,5 and big lunch to paint windows. I did 2. Boring. I forgot to bring something to change into. Oh well – I had to wear a nightie to cover up!!! Ha Ha! Saw little of Mark. I don’t care. [Uh-huh] Angie’s party is a toga party..!!! Ragey! And its invitations too – only those invited can get in. Is 10:10 ..waiting for Clive James to come on. Am tired – but I want to watch it. Mr Grossetti didn’t crack about my english Just ‘showed a little concern.’ Hot today My work I am so behind in. I am not motivated – can’t get interested in school (I guess cos I’m lost – don’t understand anything that I’m doing) It’s on now. Dunno what else to say so Ni, Nite!!!

Tuesday 14/10/86

Mark came late again today but what do I care? Had to do painting again today – lunchtime, p6 & 7. Went late cos Donna & I had to hand in our biology pracs. (still don’t know what I got for that test.) Also have a chem test on Thurs. MUST study. Angie’s party’ll be unreal! Tops! Trying out toga outfits this arvy […despite the massive amount of schoolwork you keep mentioning you’re falling behind in…] Dunno what to wear. Am allowed to sleep over!! Hot today. Finished painting about 3:10 & rushed back to school (made it in about 10 mins! Ran a lot) Am tired. Got little sleep last night Did no HW again this arvy. [Yeah, you already mentioned you played toga-dress-ups instead] Slack, huh? I must try – esp. maths & chem – my biggest problems – maths even more so. Oh well. >SIGH< Is about 9:15. Early night, see if I can get a full night’s sleep. Wanna get a haircut before Angie’s party, too.

Wednesday 15/10/86

Is 9:50. Wanna get to sleep after a quick read over my chemistry text – gotta wake really early (eg: 5:30) to study. I should’ve (would’ve) done it this arvy but speech!! I was in the mood. [Ha! Always an excuse] I have maths + chem + bio + art + english HW. Chem + art + maths was necessary. Oh well. Will try at school tomorrow. My hopes are up that he likes me again. I’VE GOT TO DISBELIEVE. His fav. songs according to Fiona (“he told her”) are Venus (& coincidence(??)) and My Favourite Waste of Time (another coincidence (??)) [I’m not sure exactly why these are coincidences. Bananarama’s ‘Venus’ was my favourite song to dance to, and I think Owen Paul’s ‘My FavouriteWaste of Time’ held lyrical sentiment (click here if you don’t know, or can’t remember this song) – well, ya gotta admit, thinking about Mark did seem to take up a lot of my time? I think I was a bit more ‘superstitious’ then, than I am now. One coincidence for certain is that both of these songs were covers.] strange. Rode today (was hot) got an official invit. from angie today. Replied straight away. I can’t wait!! Must catch up in work. 6 sea shells due Mon. 3:15. CAN’T WAIT FOR ANGIE’S PARTY!!!! For some strange reason, I HOPE CAMERON’S GOING. He’s cutie; got his haircut – is really short. [Wtf? Where did this sudden interest come from?]

Thursday 16/10/86

My hopes are too high. I must think negative. Meanwhile I’m wondering if Cameron’s going. (if he was even invited) Hope he is – that’s someone to talk to. [Oh god girl, you are confused!] Can’t wait!!! Chemistry exam today – I think (I’m sure) I passed – that’s something to be thankful for. Actually did some HW – a little bio & art, too. But not much at all. Will have to work like buggary tomorrow arvy cos I won’t have any spare time on the weekend. Ha. My main concerns now are my work & (school work) & the party (my ‘love life’) [Most people would relate parties to ‘social life’ rather than ‘love life’. But I guess when you have no love life, parties are one of the places to start creating one – potentially]. Should be ACE! Really cannot wait. But now, its 10:10; I must get to sleep. Tomorrow is a free dress day. What have I to wear? What will I? Who knows. Periods were due yesterday. Hope I don’t get them for Angie’s Party. I’ll die if I do. [Haha, typical teen saying. I’m actually impressed I don’t say that more often.] Can not wait!! G’night!

A Life in Words — photocopied pic of Monique & I on the art excursion

Friday 17/10/86

Cannot wait!! (although Cameron isn’t going) Not long now! Today was boring, rather. Thought MW dropped Nicole yesterday – nope!! ELISSA WAKE UP. He doesn’t like you. Nothing will happen at this party. [continually self-lecturing] I felt a big dag today – wearing my pale (aqua) polo shirt & mum’s white shorts and my daggy school shoes. Everyone else had at least some bright colour on – and something ‘dressy’. During 4th, 5th, big lunch & 6th CAD went to the wharf to draw. Boring – I lost Sandie’s $2 to the sea; it flew over the jetty [back then $2 were still notes]. Getting on well with Angie and Trish & Michelle. Why do I get the feeling Mark likes me? Is he really looking at me or is it a coincidence that he glances in my direction the same time I do? It’s just like 1st semester again; I don’t know if he does or not – but I must think he doesn’t otherwise I’ll be hurt [self-preservation thought pattern development. Or simply, pessimism.]. Is 10:25.

Saturday 18/10/86

Went out in ‘am’. to see nana (& get ribbon for my home-made roman sandals) Monique (after 3 calls) & Sandie came round 12:30 I waxed my legs & it took yonks. Mima’s not going. Fi came round 2:00 & sharon was very late. We wore our togas on the train. At Kuranda (this train trip wasn’t really fun like last time) Trish, Leanne, Moni, Sandie, Fi, me & Sharon got grog & drank it before we went in. Trisha spewed Fiona & (a little bit) Leanne was off her face. In there, it was a little boring. I didn’t see Mark for ages. I’m sure he was with Angie – some say yes, others no. (what??) [←this “what?” means “so…. which is it?”] Keith & I talked alot. In fact, he followed me round all night. we talked in depth about cosmic things- (being typical emotional Pisces) universe, UFO’s & Ghosts & unknown, death & love… he wouldn’t when I asked him, tell me some things Mark used to say about me & I really nagged. He also told me only 3 of the guys out of the supposed 15 – himself, Mark & believe it or not, Steven!!!! [Back in May, one of the guys in my biology class told me he knew of “about 15” guys that liked me. If you want the full story, check out this post] [At this point, I omitted some potentially sensitive personal detail about another person.] Also that he thinks Mark does like me a lot, deep down. I said some things I shouldn’t have – some really silly private things. But I guess so did he. [continuing on to Sunday’s page…]

Sunday 19/10/86

Finally when Mark reappeared (after a sleep) I tried to stay within roughly same area as him. It was dull, but soon we were all on the trampoline. [That trampoline again. Where I “fell in love” the first time, months earlier. Click here if you’re interested in that ‘episode’.] We had apple juice fights – Mark squirted me for no reason & after fight reckons. I started it. We fought all night (Keith was trying to crack onto me – arms all over the place – soon I got out [‘out’ of what? his reach?] but …there ended up; me, Mark, Steven, Fi, Sharon & Quallus. Mark was picking on me… & steven too, but it wasn’t too bad we took ages & ages & ages to get into sleeping positions – would always be disrupted again But the main thing was Mark & me- we were the centre of attention – physical fights- slapping, thumping kicking, pinching. SHIT it was bad- does he like me? Hurts me enough. [I can’t believe this person was me. I mean, there’s no way I’d tolerate that kind of treatment now, let alone remain attracted to the guy.] Anyway, about (God I dunno) approx 3:30, 4:00 Got settled but rain made us all go elsewhere – about 5:30-6:00. I & Sharon couldn’t really sleep again. When everyone finally woke, I didn’t talk to mark at all really. He joked a second time & being tired I kinda snubbed him. Then I think he got angry or wasn’t talking to me. Even all on the train at 12:00 (Sharon & I didn’t have tickets – sneaked on!! – was the tourist train) Finally when we got off, he, Steve & Leanne hung out the windows. Mark said “ByeBye Lollipop Lady!” [I can’t remember whether this has come up previously, so you may not understand this term. It certainly doesn’t refer to ladies in fluorescent vests at school crossings (I don’t think they even existed back then) rather, a story I’d told Mark about thinking of myself as a lollipop because I have such a long neck and (back then) a round face, Like a lollipop. So he coined the nickname. Perhaps it was actually born at this party? I can’t recall.] I smiled … we waited till the train moved. I said sorry about his arm (dead from punching) he said “I’ll bet.” & I waved & he was smiling & so was I!! Back at home Moni, Sandie & Sharon left about 1½hrs later! I slept & showered. Is now 8:05 Gonna sleep I only got about ½hr sleep that night. Been a Bloody EXCELLENT weekend. Fi, Sandie & Moni I was upset a little with cos at the start – they got off their faces esp. Fi & were smoking etc. [It’s pretty judgemental but it came from a place of care for my friends. Learning, over time, about Tolerance and even later, about Non Attachment has helped to curb my ‘judgementalism’] Also SIX SEA SHELLS [art assignment]!! Trouble – not done!!

Window Painting, Bike Theft & the Death of Green Island (6-12 October)

Published on October 6, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 6/10/86

Am so tired. Boring first day. Heard from Judy how mark was with numerous girls over the holidays. I hope someone he loves hurts him really badly one day – he’ll deserve it all. I’d laugh in his face. [Nice little vindictive streak evident there!] Anyway, Mr Grossetti did say something about my english; I didn’t get that double assignment done either – My report for english was terrible. In art, we found out Monique, Sandie, Donna & I were doing Singapore Charlie [a local retail store full of cheap imported Asian goods]. When we walked uptown to see the manageress what she wanted had nothing to do with Fun in the Sun. . . she’s after cheap window advertising. Boring for us. And not worth it in pay, either under $10 each. Is 10:50 Riding 2morrow. So tired. Was hot today. Bore! Ate so much. I have a real appetite problem [I’d love to know from where my food obsessions stem…]

Tuesday 7/10/86

I liked today. Kind of. I get the feeling – it appears to me that Mark… well, he’s spending much less time with Nicole – only saying bye in the arvies And that’s it. And, well, he’s in my view a lot, too. No he’s just being a friend elissa. HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU ACCEPT IT. [Classic example of right-brain/left-brain ‘conversation’? Or the Good & Bad Consciences, sitting on each shoulder?!]. Well, I spent 1st period biology downstairs studying cos Mr Short wanted to go over the test with the rest of the class & I found out (when Donna finally came to get me) that they’d done other work and Mr Short had forgotten me. Ha! Then I pigged out little lunch [‘little lunch’ equates to a morning tea recess for those who have never heard of the term before. I’m not sure if it was an ‘era’ thing, or an Aussie thing, but at school we had two breaks and they were known as Little Lunch and Big Lunch… probably carried over from primary school!] – bought 3 vegemite vita-wheats – gave 2 away, so I had 1 v.v.w. + chick. sandw. + coconut (what others didn’t eat) + some choccy from Sandy. Double maths boring – Cameron we found out, broke up with Carrie last Wednesday. Think he’s pretty upset. Was terrible. Had my bio test big lunch: easy. Rest of big lunch mucked around. Went to city library with mim & fi after school. Stayed for ages. After some food, we rode home (I was about ½hr late) Did no HW again. [Uh, what the hell did you do at the library then? Perhaps just browsed through the teen fiction?] SHIT bad habits. Is 8:45.

Wednesday 8/10/86

It’s getting harder & harder for me to believe that Mark doesn’t like me. Today we talked. In town, painting our windows (really boring & stupid) he walked past a lot and once asked Monique where Ms Marsland was. She didn’t know so asked me. [That could have been a deliberate move by my ‘bestie’…] I said up at the Booking Office. D’you know where that is? (No) well, just past swagman’s cafe. And he didn’t smile once, but at school, I was waiting for Fi & mim to come out, I went and unlocked Fi’s bike simultaneously as he went to his bike (very close parked to ours) said, “Stealing bikes again?” I said (surprised) “Yep that’s me.” Then I asked him about his window & he asked me about ours!! WOW!! [Wow? Really? Amazeballs, he MUST like you. *rolls eyes*] Then he said goodbye to Nicole & him & Cameron left when Fi & mim were unlocking their bikes [I’m confused; I thought you just said you unlocked Fi’s?], but we passed them at service stn, pumping up their tyres. And these gorgeous Trinity Bay guys rode past. Yum! Jealous of all other windows – rebecca G & everyone else did beautiful coloured windows & we were stuck with plain, cheap advertising & cranky shop assistants. real bitchy. Speech this arvy – alright. 10:10

Thursday 9/10/86

* [←this asterisk was actually a five-pointed star in my diary. Unforunately this was the most similar symbol I could find] I am having an extremely difficult time trying to convince myself that he doesn’t like me…extremely difficult. This morning nothing happened cos everyone was doing Rockmans & we (Donna, Sandie, Monique & me) were doing Cairns Booking Office (& it was revolting. Right from when Donna, Sandie & Moni started it I thought yuk. And it just got worse. [I am such a perfectionist. And hyper-critical!] And also when we were walking to get lunch, we saw the Singapore Charlie ladies wiping off our sign!!! Sandie couldn’t stop laughing and the girl said “Yeah, very Funny isn’t it?” Ms Marsland also cracked at them; didn’t give back the $50. Good on her!! [Good on her, alright. Just desserts for exploitation. You get what you pay for, tight-arses!] Anyway, after lunch people kinda lost interest in their paintings. Mark was talking to me (he wanted to paint a mohawk on my girl & I wouldn’t let him) all arvy!! (well y’know) & then walking back to school he & Trish had a paint fight – a bottle of red-brown paint. He got Ange, Moni, Sandie (Trish) Asti & me last (in the school grounds) skint – cleaner caught him made him clean up. But my new green polo shirt was wrecked. got sopping wet trying to clean up. [Hullo, wet T-shirt entrant!] all over my face & hair too. – is 10:35.

Friday 10/10/86

He (& Keith) weren’t here today. I didn’t really miss him, but, of course, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He mustn’t like me [oh here we go again; another backflip?] – I’m sure he was shitty about the paint – he thought it was my fault cos I didn’t let him paint the hair on my girl [Are you serious? Trying to guess someone else’s thoughts and feelings – making assumptions – is one of the most ‘harmful’ things you can do to YOURSELF. All that Worry for potentially nothing. Oh I wish I knew then what I know now.] – but I’m glad I didn’t – gotta show him I won’t let him do everything. [LOL, yes, you sure showed him. You certainly are no ‘push-over’! Pffffft.] Mr G. wasn’t here so I can hand my 5 english in ~~tomorr~~ monday. Next Fri is final due date. Means I have to do another assignment as well. SHIT. and my six seashells [art assignment] is due Fri and maths, chem & bio, I don’t know what I’m doing – where I’m at! Going to Green Island on Sunday with Sharon. Don’t think Fi wants to. Mima’s going & there’ll be all the others who are staying over saturday night. Ragey!!! I hope there’ll be heapsa spunks. Must forget the dick. Stupidly I told Sharon I still like him on the phone this arvy. What have I done? is 9:35

Saturday 11/10/86

I found chemistry too hard, so moved on to biology – I found that too hard, so, deciding to leave my maths til last, finished my 5th english assignment (Not too bad) Went to Drive In tonight – just me & mum & Geoff. Saw Croc Dundee yet again + some movie called Better off Dead – came late – but still was funny what I saw! Wish I coulda got more work done today. Going to Green tomorrow – won’t have any time for more HW. [Cos entertainment is way more important than an ever-increasing mountain of schoolwork] So much Is due this week. Mucked round with make-up (what’s new) and ate heaps of chocolate biscuits that mum bought. Julia went to work. Am tired; is 11:20. Is rather hot, too – wasn’t at Drive In was windy [some much needed punctuation missing here] on Green Island will go spunk hunting – forget Mark W. Why I bother. . . Got heapsa schoolwork to do. Night Night!!

Sunday 12/10/86

I must admit I thought (hoped) I might see Mark there but no! It was alright – I wouldn’t have missed anything had I not gone. In fact it would’ve been more beneficial to me to stay home – I have heaps of homework, still. [Uh-huh] But it was good. Met Sharon’s friend (the one, the only…) Karen N. She’s really nice Saw Linda, AnneMarie, Alison, Leanne, Judy, Clare, Kai & his friends Dim etc. Got burnt only on face, really ..not bad either. But am browner (I think) Is about 8:50. Want an early night. I keep Thinking I can’t wait for angela’s party – but why? Nothing will happen: that’s for sure. (?) Yes! For SURE. School. Omigod! My work … I’m in trouble in every subject – hell! I’ve gotta pull myself together. SHIT. What’my gonna do? Work harder. Am too tired (& a bit exhausted) to think what to write. Green Island is revolting; it’s dead: Hate it FITZROY RULES!! [I actually believe Tourism has ‘killed’ Green Island – though admittedly it has been well over a decade since I have been there. It boasted the world’s first public Underwater Observatory (opened in 1954) and I remember being truly amazed by the experience when I first visited it as a child in the mid 70’s. But over successive years, there seemed to be less & less (marine flora & fauna) to view from its windows – and even for ever-increasing areas around it, the jetty and even the island, in general. It hasn’t surprised me to discover that the observatory was shut down in 2012 – the reason/s of which I’m honestly not aware. My (albeit uneducated) line of thought is: as if tourist boat fuels were NOT going to make an impact on the ecosystem….]

Dreadlocks, Attention Deficits & A Big Night Out (29 September-5 October)

Published on September 29, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 29/9/86

Did some art research; was rather fruitless, actually. Started a chem prac too. But that was it. I am very guilty – firstly about still not ringing Ms Marsland to find out whose [retailers in the city centre] windows we are decorating [for Fun In the Sun festival] and secondly, that I have not done ½ or even ¼ the amount of work I need to have completed before the end of the holidays. 3rdly – I ate one hell of a lot today – must lose weight. Mark, I think, was in my dream last night and, I think, the night before. I wonder if all his ‘appearances’ in my dreams lately have any relation to real life – I hope so – that its good. [A superstitious hope! I’ve come to believe that dreams are simply your subconscious’ method of processing & sorting the day’s thoughts, feelings & experiences. Simple. No prophetic value.] I really think (I’m hoping that) I’ll have a chance. He did care for me (a lot more than any other girl) once … I know. I think I know.. certain things point to it. [It’s nice to see my thoughts are not perpetually negative…] I watched TV, mucked around, ate, sang, listened to music and… bored, guilty Is 11:05. Nite!!

Tuesday 30/9/86

Today I did 2 chemistry pracs (well, 1½) and updated my school diary [decorating my diaries was an artistic habit I’d developed]. That’s about it. Aside from that I called Monique about Ms Marsland; she said there was no need to worry – Mrs Marsland didn’t even know what we were doing last week; she said (Michelle W told her) that Mrs Marsland wanted us to ring her in the last week anyway. Great. I watched no TV, but listened to music & tied my hair up in scarves. At first I attached 1 to my (tiny) piggy tail, then 2, then 4 then tonight I got big ones & plaited them – really long ‘dreadlocks’ looked excellent. [Hmm, interesting… considering dreadlocks don’t actually appeal to me…] Also mima & Brent came round in Brent’s mum’s car! (Brent driving) Wo! Funny!! I’m staying at Monique’s tomorrow night. (going to the beach with her tomorrow) & we’re going out. Gonna meet [privacy omission] etc at Croc. Rock. Dunno what time. Rage I will. [Yoda you be?!] 9:55. Mum’s birthday tomorrow & I forgot COMPLETELY. What am I going to do? Poor mum; I’m so terrible to her. [I always felt that mum “lived for” me and my sister, so I guess it’s almost ‘natural’ to feel bad about ‘forgetting’ her – she had never forgotten us. In this way, no one ever made me better aware of my selfishness or self-centredness – without doing or saying anything – than she.]

Wednesday 1/10/86

Woken up by Julia at 6:55, But too late mum had made her bed & had brekky. I made a card, [I only realised how much these little things meant to her when I found a bundle of them amongst her things after she passed away a couple of years ago] then packed for Monique’s and the beach. Felt guilty about being away on mum’s birthday. [There it is again – I can hear my thoughts now: “You’re a bad daughter not giving up some time for her when she does so much for you”] She dropped me to monique’s. Caught the beach bus (driver revved us about sitting – couldn’t see us) Had a rather good time – got burnt on shoulders & back – arms too. Not badly. Saw lotsa spunks – one group ‘taken’, another group (Martin G) too old & the other: alright! Alex L & 3 other guys. the one in the yellow singlet mmm! Looked at me!! Caught bus back to Gumtree corner – started walking home but Mrs P got us! Got ready about 8:00 onwards (slowly) Fi said they’d sneak out be there 11:00-11:30 Lucy not allowed at all. We went at 10:45. Martin G said they were coming 12:00-12:30. We saw Travers (not many people I knew AT ALL) Packed tho!! went outside & inside lots. saw Mark & Keith. Barely said anything it’s obvious he doesn’t like me. Finally Fi & jay came. Jay got in – Fi tried 4 times. Couldn’t get in. [Continued on the next page of the diary…]

Thursday 2/10/86

… Fi, AnneMarie, Travers, Leanne, Judy went to Nighthawkes. Said they’d be back 2:30(. Monique didn’t want to go cos she told her mum she would be at Croc. Rock.)[Wow, her mum KNEW we were going ‘Out’?] so Jay her & I went in Smithy’s bar and had couple drinks when we came out Mark & Keith were gone. Waited & waited [for Fiona & Mima]. Decided at 3:15 to catch a cab & ring Anne-Marie’s place. Went there, but AnneMarie & them weren’t there. Left at 4:05 – Fi couldn’t go to AnneM.’s anyway = had to be home by 4 that morning. Got 6hrs sleep. at 10:45 Fi rang wanted to know if we’d like to go to the movies with her. (Monique said) we wouldn’t make it. When asked her how night was she wouldn’t answer- kept changing the subject. I assumed she’d got with Mark…I was so depressed. [Haha, talk about jumping to conclusions! Of ALL things, and ALL people!] But in town at 2:00, met her. She said her mum was there & she couldn’t talk about it. What they did was at 2:40, realised were late & got finally back to Croc Rock at 3:30 10MINS after we’d left. SHIT. Stayed there – then got home 4:45 (umah!) Walked to Coxen Chem. on way saw: Mark & Keith. Hoped didn’t see me. Am trying to give up on him. Got $50 [from dad] for mum (dad wasn’t there tho [so who gave it to me?]) & walked up town saw Jules. said mum cried cos I wasn’t there on her birthday & dad too – didn’t even call her. [Ah, so my thoughts weren’t far from the mark: my Guilt was justified] Really upset so out of town money [that is, my own] bought a red rose. Gave to her with $50. Is 9:55. Assignments tomorrow. Glad to be home. Am really depressed inside. Last 2 days were a total waste. [Really?] Had no fun at Croc Rock at all. Oh Mark. [Oh, Gawd]

Friday 3/10/86

Tried to do my work today. Got more of the same english assignment (I’ve been doing for months) down, but that was it. I watched a little TV, but spent most time trying to finish the assignment. Beka rang & I said I’d ring back cos I didn’t know still, whether to go or not due to my work. In fact, I rang Fi to see if they were going out. No. So I rang back Beka & told her I’d go. [Huh?] After cleaning my room, got ready. Went in around 6:10, walked round. Jay gave us a free gelati to share. (I had had no dinner and no money to buy any) saw TOP GUN again (with summer rental) EXCELLENT. Saw Peter H – was hoping (was I?) that Phillip was there – don’t think so. So that’s all. Found out also that [privacy omission here] aren’t going out saturday night either. So a boring end to the holidays. And I still have not completed the work needed to do. Is 12:30. Better get some sleep.

[The following is a tad confusing, but what basically happened (below) is that I forgot to write my entry on Saturday and just ploughed ahead on Sunday night, without realising that I had missed Saturday altogether and was writing in the ‘wrong space’. Did a quick ‘recap’ for Saturday on Sunday’s page…]

Saturday 4/10/86

School tomorrow. And I have done none of the english I had to do. I am in BIG trouble. BIG BIG trouble. My own foolish, stupid fault. Woke around 8:15. Played monopoly with Beka & Lucy till they both left around 1030-11:30. the the James Hardie 1000 had started and I got interested in that. [Car racing I have NO time for now, and I believe the only reason I got ‘into it’ back then was a product of Sentimentality: reminiscent of the period in my life when Dad was still living with us, before my parents split. He tuned into the race every year, so watching or even just hearing it could trigger a range of thoughts & feelings] And Petra came over. And so I got nothing done. I am watching the movie now. (Wierd – (all that jazz)) should be asleep so I can wake early and finish my assignment. In a way I’m glad to go back to school. The only thing(s) wrong with it are (i) the work and (ii) I have to see Mark every day. I could forget about him (well, more than possible) on holidays cos he’s out of my sight (outa sight, outa mind) Is 10:20. How much longer’s this movie gonna be? Why do I have to go back and see Mark? Why? It’ll wreck my start (start in forgetting him)

Sunday 5/10/86

Hey! I did this yesterday and forgot to do yesterday!

4th Sat: Did nothing all day – ate. Luc came round. She, Beka, me & Jules went to Pancake House for tea (got finished early & walked around town) came home at 10:30. Played Triv. Pursuit → mum & Geoff came home midnight. Got to bed about 1:30

Sunburn, Soreness & A Chemical Bath (22-28 September)

Published on September 22, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 22/9/86

Went to town today. Getting ready this morning and guess who arrived? LUCY!! Yeah! She surprised me. And Fi when we picked her up! (She [Lucy] got on well with Monique too) [privacy omission here] I tried on heaps of clothes & shoes but bought nothing . . . Lucy, Fi & Monique did. Fi got shoes & togs & jumpsuit; Lucy got a pinafore dress & togs. Mima was working all day in KAFFA – spent lunch break with her. In the bus on the way home, saw John C. Yum. Too short for me tho (as if I’d have a chance) [and anyway, aren’t you obsessed with Mark?] Talked to Julie H this arvy – Sharon rang & I said I’d ring her back but forgot. Oh well. Gonna see Monique get her hair permed tomorrow. Am tired & upset (about?) everything. I just wish everything was going perfect for me. Not likely . Not my luck 11:00. [That’s the spirit!] must sleep – had to wear mum’s strapless bra to town today cos of sunburn. so sore!! Pain trying on all the clothes [Tsk, tsk]

Tuesday 23/9/86

Oh! My feet are sore! I went to town again. Took Fi. Met Monique at 10:10 at Kim Calverly’s [a popular hairdresser]. I wore my white skirt & red & white striped shirt – we sat for an hour then went (straight) to Treasurway & I bought a green/aqua polo shirt & wore it the rest of the day. We bought an ice cream and met Steven. Stayed with us the rest of the day. Walked round alot – visited mima (at work again) & occasionally popped in to see how Moni was going. Finally, her hair was finished (at 2:45) [Good lord, I’d forgotten how long perms take – not having had one myself since… the early 1990’s] Looks FANTASTIC. Gorgeous hair. She is Full stop!! Steven caught the bus home before we went to show mima moni’s hair→ . Fi couldn’t stop crying! It was so sad – [privacy omission here] . . . oh how terrible for her!! [privacy omission here] At home, I can’t work tomorrow Dad said there’s not any work!! Beka rang tonight. Am riding with her to Smithfield where Lucy’s staying. Fun!! Is almost 9:30 This watch is stuffed.

Wednesday 24/9/86

Rode over. Took about 30 mins. There, we talked while listening to music before all riding down to Smithfield Shopping Centre. Had brief glances around at shops – bought heaps of food & back at Lucy’s sat on the front verandah – no back!! & ate. swam, ate, talked . . .and finally Beka & I rode home. Got gear, picked up Beka & went back to Lucy’s. After dinner, we rang Fi – talked for ages – she’s coming to Fitzroy tomorrow & we rang monique – she’s coming too! Then we went for a walk – down to the park next to the Smithfield Fire Station – talking about guys – kissing mainly – walked back & sat outside by the gutter. Still talking. [What girls do best] I am sad still – inside. It is so obvious that Mark does not like me but that won’t register in my brain. I think the only way would be for him to tell me to my face that he doesn’t. The only way. Late night. About 11:30

Thursday 25/9/86

Fantastic day! Swam heaps – on the pontoon [there used to be a pontoon there? I don’t remember that] & around – was so beautiful. Didn’t get ‘sorely’ burnt. [Oh that’s ok then…] On my recovering burns I packed suncream. I got burnt on the back of my legs (upper) not much and browned a bit on my back & shoulders (again) but no PAIN!! Also upper arms. But we had fun. No hunks (our age) There were 2 guys we saw briefly near the kiosk (older) drinking – quite cute. We went rock-climbing but got stuck so had to return. Oh well! Wish Mark’d gone. Why would he? Nicole’d probably go too. Ate a bit (was fairly hungry). Saw mima before we left this morning she & jay walked around wharfs before work. Nothing really exciting happened. Met a Canadian guy Tom (21) & talked (& joked) alot with him. [Surely he’d’ve been in his element with the attention of five 16 year old girls?] about 9:35 – mum’s gone to Fishers for a drink. Nite!!

Friday 26/9/86

Today was my first uninteresting day. I was going to do my HW. Believe me, I wanted, more than anything, to do my english (etc) but I just couldn’t . I don’t know why – I wasn’t motivated . . I know I should’ve – that could’ve been the only spare day I got. Am working tomorrow & will probly be at Monique’s on Sunday (hopefully am staying at her place on Sat. nite (again!) with Fi & Mim & [omission here]) Hafta ring her about that tomorrow too. So today I listened to music, attempted my english assignment (but didn’t further it) ate, read & did other aimless stuff. I am looking forward to tomorrow night. I hope I have the biggest rage. And I’m not getting my hopes up that Mark’ll be there (or am I?) let alone my getting with him again. No forget it Liss. Julia stayed at Cherie’s last night & went to Palm Cove today. At Ramada Resort saw Brent & another guy – by her description it could’ve been Phil (or Tony H) watched movie (stupid) Is 10:55 Work tomorrow

Saturday 27/9/86

I worked 6 hours – packing – pouring chemicals into drums (back is killing and I was covered in chemicals) But got $24. [Fantastic! Paid a pittance for the privilege of back pain and god-knows-what kind of inflammation as a result of being doused in ammonia, sodium hypochlorite & the like. No such thing as ‘Workplace Health & Safety’ in the 80’s. There’s not a hope in hell I nor anyone would be undertaking that kind of work in this day and age.] Came home around 5:15. After about 20 phone calls – no joke – to monique & mima & from monique & fiona & mima it was decided that we wouldn’t go out. Lucy had come over at 5:30. We (fi, me, luc) were going to stay at monique’s & go out – [omission here] moni meeting Jay, but thanks to [privacy omission] the Bastard, everyone’s night was wrecked. He said he had to study [privacy omission here] …she’d been looking forward to going out with him – so [privacy omission] stayed home. [Privacy omission] stayed at Jay’s. Monique didn’t want to come to my place when I asked her & Lucy also went home. So we minded (mum & I) Fiona & Chris from next door. Is 11:00 Am so tired & depressed. I was really looking forward to going out tonight. [Privacy omission] stuffed up everyone’s plans [privacy omission] [No, ONE person made a decision for himself. Which led to others making their own decisions. Shit Happens.]

Sunday 28/9/86

Oh my back!! Packing yesterday really showed today – all my back muscles (particularly lower back) [uh-huh! and who suffers from chronic sacroiliac pain NOW? Damage certainly does start early…] and lower shoulders are so sore!!! But at least I’ve toned them! [Um, maybe? But the lower back: No.] Ha Ha! Woke – dunno when – but dragged out of bed about 8:15 to Lucy on the phone. Spent the morning doing very little productive (got ready slowly) waxed my armpits. WOW! Mum left for Palm Cove about 10:50. Lucy got me at 11:30. Got stuff for picnic & went to Trinity Beach (DAMMIT) Boring – we just lay on towels in the shade. Home about 4:00 (??) Did nothing there either. Is about 9:10 now. Going to bed – listen to Take 40 Aust on headphones (this week its an ‘all-time’ top 40.) Felt terrible today [guilty]. Mum went to Palm Cove on her own. How boring and lonely and sad. [Some people enjoy their own company. I came to realise Mum especially did. And I have taken after her, after all.] She said there were heaps of people there – esp good-looking guys (my age mostly) & saw mima. shoulda gone with her. Sleep well. Do some assignments elissa. You’re gonna be in big strife if you don’t. [Love the self-lectures… falling on deaf ears!]

Phonetics, Failing & Films (15-21 September)

Published on September 15, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 15/9/86

Did no HW (then again, all I had was english) But I had heaps of that – my 3 assignments. Mum’s getting cranky (“worried”) about my getting behind in assignment work. Boring day. Lotsa people away on Geography excursion. Found out through Mark F (what I thought I already knew) that Lynette C was with Mark at the dance (like Tricia (I think)) why can’t he fall hopelessly head over heels in love with me? [oh, the blindness!] Did chem prac with (Tanja &) Cameron today. Was funny. He’s nice! [Back in the good books again? Only a few weeks ago he was the biggest snob ever.] During 3rd period art, Sandie & I walked to A block & got food from Monique’s (& everyone else’s) exams. [Home Economics, I assume] Yukky mousse type stuff – yummy cream & strawberries tho & veggies; broccoli, beans & carrots (cold but yummy) then walked up town for our art workshop, during 4th period. Looked in Sportsgirl (& around) for togs – Monique tried on a few pairs…. workshop at 12:30. Got back to school just before 6th period. Whew! Watched video in english. Don’t think Mark’s going out with Nicole anymore

Tuesday 16/9/86

Mima & I restablished ‘relations’ thru phonetics notes to each other today..[Phonetics was a part of our Speech (& Drama) curriculum, dealing with the written (symbols) aspect of linguistics: helpful in mastering pronunciation. The note writing served a dual purpose: practice (study) and secrecy in that no one else would have easily understood the symbols.] lately, she’s had heapsa problems & hasn’t been talking much to me (her & Fi always together) Otherwise, I hurt around Mark: not believing he doesn’t like me. I always think how great it’d be if I could talk to him about love & explain (subtley) how much of a bastard (user) he is – why he should stop it . . ha ha ha – typical Taurus is stubborn; won’t listen to a word I say. [Phew! It’s good to know that I was intrinsically aware that lecturing would be a waste of time. It’s all a fantasy.] periods give me the shits. Didn’t ride. Had a mini test in Biology. I got 29/32!! Great huh?!! Am tired – is 10:25 Plan to spend as much of holidays on the beach (or in the sun) as possible wanna tan & blonder hair!! + I just love the beach!! [Yep, sun-worshipper I was. And I got that from my mum. Luckily I also got her olive skin. The coconut aroma of “Reef deep tanning oil” brings back memories. Nothing like a good old basting!] Schoolwork . . . blech! I’m still so behind in everything – am giving up … losing my will to carry things out.. Lacking initiative & interest in my work. Cos Mark – I wish so much with all my heart that he loved me with all his. [Oh. Dear.]

Wednesday 17/9/86

I’m not going to school tomorrow. I have my speech exam. I am going to fail it. I know just about nothing!! Wow!! But my exam is at 2:00 in the afternoon so I can study all morning. I have to. Mark doesn’t like me. I know this but I still get my hopes up now & then. Nicole this arvy as I was walking up to the bus stop smiled at me. I smiled back – I’ll bet she was being ‘snide’ or something [assumptions, assumptions…]…I smiled being (or more trying to look) friendly. Oh well. I’ll just have to wait till Mr Right comes along. Forgotten (almost completely) about Phillip. That’s not the one. [You didn’t even give it a chance, Elissa!] Oh, why me? Why did I miss my big chance? [Er… I think I missed it too?] I wish I could wind the clock back 2 terms. Everything would be ace. I think. [Uncertainty springing up from some well of ‘Knowledge’ or ‘Awareness’ existing deep, deep within?] Did no HW again. Am so slack its unbelievable. Is 9:00. Fi felt very ill today but stayed at school. Mima told me at speech that she rang Brent & he still loves her!! Now they just have to sort out Steven & Erica. Great huh? Mima’s probs are coming to an end… I’m sure. mine, well y’know . . I’m not elissa without (boy) problems!! [Not 12 months ago you didn’t have ANY boy problems. And THAT was a problem in its own right then. Wow, never satisfied?]

Thursday 18/9/86

Well, there’s no way I’d have passed unless the examiner is an easy marker or I fluked the answers. I may as well study for repeating the exam next April. I wrote out all (what I thought was all) the information I needed to learn – that took me all morning so I practically had to go straight after I’d finished it – no time to study it We left at about 1:20. (mima had come round at about 10:30) after the exam Mrs b picked us up – we went to gordonvale to seigi s’s place. Had to wait in the car. [No one was there yet] Renade came home, we went inside then Mrs S, then Polly & Seigi from their camp. Mrs S & Mrs B talked for ages. Finally we went home. I watched TV all night; didn’t do any english assignment(s) hope Mr G. doesn’t make me come in at lunchtime – I’m wagging it & 6th & 7th going to movies Fun tomorrow! [Last day of 3rd term of school] Hopefully!! Better go to sleep. Is 9:40. I’m still missing somebody.

Friday 19/9/86

I got on the bus & (it was empty) Fi was wearing shorts & shirt. At school mima was free-dressed too – so were a few other people – I felt really silly & didn’t think I’d get into the movies dressed as I was so Mima said I could ring polly & tell her to bring some shorts or something (cos she was coming late [to school] about (9:00) I went to art (skipped bio & double english) & Monique did too (so did lots of others) we finished our banners. . . Mrs p came and took her (& my) school bag & monique got a change of clothes. (I put on mima’s denim shorts which Polly dropped to mima who dropped them into me) then Monique & I walked uptown. Met the others in Mellick Centre. Saw TOP GUN at the movies. Is EXCELLENT. Tom Cruise the biggest hunk. After walked around. Went to duty free shop & drooled over the cheap items. Swatches only $34!!! [I can’t recall how much they actually cost in the retail stores back then but judging by the number of exclamation marks my guess is a fair bit more than $34] Mrs B dropped me home. . . Is 11:00 I need a new watch – Julia’s doesn’t keep time – gets too slow. Mark wasn’t at school & neither was Nicole. I’m fighting a losing battle. [What’s the war?]

Saturday 20/9/86

I did nothing – dad didn’t go to work cause he was moving into his new house. So I did nothing all day. Cherie rode over. I did some art-work – cleaned out my folios & some desk drawers. Watched some TV & listened to some music. Finally I packed to go to monique’s. Fi & mim had just gotten there when I did. We walked down & got 4 videos – 2 horror (yuk) & St Elmo’s Fire & European Vacation. We didn’t go out dammit. And Rebecca G didn’t come. We ate so much junk it’s not funny. Watched the videos & had swims in between them sometimes. Was hot. Got to sleep about 2:30. I think. Ate so much junk – hope I can shit it all out – don’t wanna get fat. [Hahaha, I remember thinking that a few times in my youth! That’s priceless: the supposition – hope! – that some things eaten might pass undetected through your digestive (and other) system(s). Ha!]

Sunday 21/9/86

Woke around 9:00. Had a swim. Finally (Mr & Mrs P cooked breakfast for us) we had brekky bacon & eggs. We spent the whole day by the pool. Tanning, dipping (to cool off) & of course, eating. Mr & Mrs P are so nice: they made us brekky & lunch & fussed about! (we listened to Beatles records meanwhile!!) [That’s right, I’d forgotten that Monique loved that era – the sixties.] Amanda M [a neighbour of Monique’s who happened to be a family friend of ours] saw me and came to the fence to say a quick hello. Mima got a phone call just after we’d hopped out (around 4:00(??)). Her mum was going to Sydney – her brother Duncan died last night. sad huh? So she went home soon. Then Fi & I went with mum. We’re going to town tomorrow. Fi, moni & I and we’ll meet mima at KAFFA – she’s working a full day there – cos’ Polly’s in Germany. Am so burnt – all got a little burnt – but I’m the reddest. I’ll have an early night tonight I think!! about 8:30.

A ‘Bizarre Love Triangle’ at the Fete (8-14 September)

Published on September 8, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 8/9/86

Well quite a few people (I think; Donna, Sandie, Monique, Mima, Fiona, Sharon, Tania, Heather, Linda, Tanja, Judy & Rebecca G – that’s all I think) know about Phillip C liking me. And of those who know/have seen him, all reckon he’s cute – some say gorgeous – best bod! Lifesaver! Swimmer! Wow. But mima told me that Melinda B reckons Peter H was at Phillip’s place on Sunday; meaning he rang from there. SHAME!! But I still love Mark. But he obviously (??) likes Nicole… Cameron & Judy rubbed it in today. Cameron in chemistry said “Did you go with the others to the Playpen?” “No” went to the movies” – “Oh, we went to Nicoles.” Fine, Cameron – that’s just great. What’m I s’posed to say? Then Judy at the busstop reckons “Have you seen Nicole’s love bite? Can’t miss it – big purple mark all over her neck and shoulder.” Double fine, huh? You bastard Mark. You’ve got to love me. Please. I want you more than anything. [Ugh, desperation! With hindsight I have to say this whole infatuation experience was a HUGE ‘life lesson’ I did finally learn from.] I’m tired. Bin studying for maths Ha! Got chem mark back 11½/15 – I passed by lots!! Wow!! Bludge day.

Tuesday 9/9/86

I won’t get to see what Phillip looks like until tomorrow; CAD (& selected Yr 11 & 12 art students – including Mark) are going walking around town during recreation time looking for people to do their windows for Fun In the Sun. Monique Sandie, me & Donna got the best block; Boland Centre, Rockmans, cominos arcade. Wo! Rage! (But I really wanted to go swimming so I could perve on Master C. Oh well! I still like Mark, but I don’t feel as depressed as before (I guess this matter with Phil has boosted my self-confidence somewhat) I’m watching a mini-series (Part 1) at the moment; it’s 9:55. Will probably get to bed around 11:30. Didn’t ride today. Maths exam I failed that’s all I have to say – I’m glad I learnt my content – that might’ve helped. HOPE Dunno if I’m riding tomorrow or not. Want to sleep in. Fun tomorrow I hope. Started doing some speech HW – unbelievable! Exam next Thurs.

Wednesday 10/9/86

Mima & I rode today (Adam, too) Didn’t get any test results back (i.e. Maths or English) At big lunch, Donna & I rode to City Place. We walked down to metropolitan building society so she could get money out then to Monique & Sandie (& Ms Marsland) for instructions about getting “clients”. All four of us had the best block to cover; the Boland centre one. It took longer than most others. Lots weren’t interested in us painting/decorating their windows – but there were still fair few who would “get back to us”. [Ha!] After, rode back to school, picked up my bag & waited for mima. I left & rode home on my own at 3:05 – quite impatient, then after speech when we were talking she said she got to school at 3:20 – lucky I didn’t wait – long time! But at speech asked Megan if she knew P.C. – she said “Yeah” I said what do you think of him? She said “pretty cute” & that one of her friends was flipped over him. That makes me feel really great. Someone who lotsa girls like & he likes me!! 10:40.

Thursday 11/9/86

Rode again. Got my haircut, too – (“much”) shorter on the left side. It feels much better. Rode really slowly esp. on the way home: stopped & pigged out, let the buses pass us. (Forgot about Saints) [Phillip was a ‘Saints’ boy, so I suppose I thought he might be on that bus and I could have caught a glimpse… had I not forgotten] Got maths & english marks back I PASSED MATHS!! I had thought without a doubt that I’d have failed but I passed!! 17½/30!! Great! [Great? It’s funny how my attitude towards schoolwork changed when I moved to Cairns High. At my primary school and during my junior High years at Smithfield, barely passing would have crushed me.] And english I thought I failed – but I did better than last semester! 8/10!! Wo! Great day! I think I’m gonna hafta forget Mark I only wish what I see & believe to be was true. I wish. But I’m also extremely curious to see Phillip C too. Fete tomorrow! That will decide!! I think. And Mark will be there too. He doesn’t talk or even look at me anymore. Probably hates my guts. Why, though? Bastard. I love him so much tho [Haha, these mental processes smack of schizophrenia!] 9:55. get some sleep late nite tomorrow. Did no HW again. Terrible bloody habit.

Friday 12/9/86

I’m dead. And kinda depressed. It’s just after 12:00. I saw Phil; Peter came up and was talking. How embarrassing – what could I say or do? I felt sick. [Nerves] (He (Phil) was cute/gorgeous, but it’s made no impact on me. I’m still hopelessly devoted to Mark, who I’m sure doesn’t like me) [I know this reaction is based in Fear: “better the Devil you know” is an extremely apt expression in this case] Oh, I even danced with him (& Fiona & Keith & Justine) but that was it. A pity. I do like him so much. I wore my new blue shirt which I got at lunchtime today (walked to town with Sandie and Monique) & blue & white striped skirt (found out they were the perfect match (in colour) UNBELIEVABLE!!) No HW except english & speech this weekend and I intend to get them done speech exam next Thursday. SHIT. Fete itself was boring – dance was OK. Tired. I feel terrible. I ignored Phil all night & moped around after Mark. Why am I such a loser? [No comment!]

Saturday 13/9/86

Did nothing constructive, except get my periods, today. [LOL and that’s constructive HOW? If anything menstruation is about DEconstruction] I am ashamed [because I didn’t do→]: I have 3 english assignments due this friday a speech theory exam this Thursday, a biology exam this Tuesday and a trial-run speech exam tomorrow. And the best thing I did today was to read up all about star signs.. [best?] otherwise I watched TV or read…. Was extremely depressed this morning, thinking about last night. Y’know how we were all dancing together ..well I think – I’m sure I dreamt that Mark said “Remember this?” to me as True Colours was played. Yes it must have been a dream cos they didn’t play that …or did they? Anyway, I can’t even remember what Phil looks like now, except his blue eyes (gorgeous) Rang Fi tonight – talking about Mark & etc. I think I’ll have to be content with being his friend & working my way up (???) from there. Just watched a movie. Is 11:45. Had a terribly dull day – it was gorgeous weather. Wonder if Mark’s at Lenora’s party??

Sunday 14/9/86

11:06. I just watched Superman III on TV. At speech this morning, Megan, mima & I talked (& laughed) a fair bit so our exams took a bit longer than 2hrs – probably about 2½ or 3. Anyway, I ended up doing it out of my notes.. I didn’t know a thing. (I rode up) at home I watched a little TV, did assignment work, listened to music & read. Petra (& Amanda for a while) came up. I like it when Petra’s here. We talk (I told them all about the night I was with Mark) Brings back memories. I long for another kiss (or 10) like those he gave me that night. Yum!! (Not really romantic tho’) I wonder if I’m a good kisser? Ha Ha god I say some stupid things! [Oh yes. Yes you do.] Anyway another fuitless weekend – only wrote about one paragraph more on one eng. assign. Have 2½ english assignments to do. God help me. Mark won’t be at school tomorrow or Tuesday – Geography excursions.

Two Phone Calls & Chemistry in the Kitchen (1-7 September)

Published on September 1, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 1/9/86

Bad, Bad, Bad, Sad day. People were kinda thrilled about that night etc, kept saying things. [I’m assuming they were happy for me to have hooked up with the guy they all knew I’d been infatuated with for so long.] But my art…and my maths & english and …Mark….. I said “Hi” (he came early to school & mim & Fi & Judy weren’t on the bus) he just looked at me. At art, Fi & I saw them just walk into their room; Steven came out & talked. Mark didn’t. At big lunch he went off with Cameron, when he came back, I went. I was so confused – on the bus, I decided I’d ring Cameron. Yes, I did do it. Results: negative. E: I just want to ask you something about M… Does he still like me? C: Yeah, but he likes Nicole too. E: Oh, I see C: I thought it was pretty terrible what he did E: To me? C: Yeah. He was pretty drunk THAT EXPLAINS IT. WHY HE WAS SO HOSTILE AT FI’S … WHY HE DIDN”T TALK. [Oh is that all you were concerned about?] He doesn’t like me. I’m … SO SAD. But I am not crying… yet

Tuesday 2/9/86

It’s cold. I’m sad. I still cannot accept the fact that he does not like me as he ‘used to’. It’s not fair. I keep hoping; there is hope deep, deep down, but I’m hurting myself more: I’m disappointing myself. He talked to me today; Just a little in Biology… but I’m sure he likes Nicole. Maybe if I just get to be a good friend… what’s the use? Oh, it’s not fair. I like him so much. (Academically it was a good day) – (41/45 for bio test – what we talked briefly about – and 8/10 for my art folio – Both BIG surprises) Oh why…why couldn’t this have happened ages ago when he didn’t know Nicole. Damn it. If we were friends; if we could talk . . . I wish I could click my fingers & he would be flipped over me. [Happy endings aren’t a given in Life, and Magic? Well…keep dreamin’.] Didn’t ride – raining/cold. Speech – had a practise exam then walked to shop with Fi & mim. Ate. (Had no dinner. Have decided to diet) [typical female response to rejection?] 8:35.

Wednesday 3/9/86

I still cannot believe it. But he does like her, at least is ‘deeply’ infatuated; I said to Cameron after chem. today: “Did you tell Mark about the phone call?” C: Yeah Me: What’d he say? C: He didn’t think you liked him that much E: He must be thick, tell him he doesn’t have to pretend to like me or anything like with Trish.. [my assumption] C: He’s on a bit of a high – got a note from Nicole E: What’d it say? C: Just [that he’s] the most beautiful thing on earth etc. E: Oh. (He starts to walk off…) E: Cameron, I still want to be friends, even though I feel differently. And THAT was IT. Judy seems to think he likes me, but is “fascinated” by Nicole: she’s different; younger etc. She’s really nice. Judy, that is. She wants him to wake up cos I’m one of the nicest people… [Oh, sweet Judy. I’d forgotten that I’d had this much interaction with her…] Late for speech… I forgot. We rode today. Overcast. Mark was at swimming. God I wish everything was back to normal… 10:35. Watched the Movie. Oh woe is me. It’s not fair … the one guy – I s’pose not – there will be others. . . . . [this statement is almost uncanny… read on!]

Thursday 4/9/86

I’ve still got Jemima’s swatch. [?] And I’m still depressed. But this afternoon I was more so than ever before. I had english exam (fail- it was so bloody hard) little lunch in 4th & cos of my chem. exam in big lunch, my big lunch in 5th period. And then Biology (I failed chem, too) I didn’t do HW so I’ve got detention tomorrow [for someone who NEVER had detention, I can see how this would have tipped me further into a depressive state]. And that’s just built up, a long with my depression over Mark. I was so withdrawn this afternoon; I even thought Mark was taking more notice of me. Don’t get your hopes up Liss. I could not believe how quiet I was. Talking as little as possible to anyone. Thinking/day dreaming all the time. I am changing. I am not me at the moment. I am sad and pity myself. I enjoy being alone, like this→ usually I enjoy the attention it attracts [the “what’s wrong?”s and “you can talk to me”s], but not anymore. [Smacks more of real depression…] This time, I really want to be left to myself. I am in deep. [LOL Drama Queen] 9:45

Friday 5/9/86

I feel fine when I’m not thinking about it, when he’s not in sight; but (like writing this) I get depressed thinking about it. [I obviously hadn’t yet learnt about the Power of Thought] certain things he does make me think (hope) that he does like me. But I must be pessimistic or I will be hurt more. Let off biology detention [phew]… went to art excursion, came back at beginning of lunch hour. . . other schools came & we sat thru 1½hrs (6th & 7th periods) of “chemistry in the kitchen”. Boring. Tania C & I laughed & mucked around. Got cheerier this arvy. Slow week, this was. Great! Must have fun this saturday – forget everything but first of all – HW & assignments. Must get ’em done. Also feel I want to clean out my desk. . . won’t have time, I bet. Probably won’t even get my eng. done this weekend either [almost being honest with yourself there, Liss!] OH well. Almost 9:30. Sleep & do HW then (??) At least I don’t see them together much, anymore (tho I know they are) That’s great. [Yes: out of sight out of mind]

Saturday 6/9/86

I ate heaps. I watched TV, cleaned out some drawers and listened to music. And I also did not one scrap of HW. Although all I have is maths, english & speech, I have heaps of each (esp. eng & maths) And I have to go to Dad’s for at least a little while in the morning for Father’s Day. Tania came over this arvy . . . we rushed, but Fi & I got to the movies around 7:15; Tania was later. Saw “D.A.R.Y.L.” (what we did get to see) and “About Last Night” great movies. Anyway Mima & Steven & Polly & Anna & Sally & Danae were there too. Fi & I caught a taxi home (I had to pay – Fi had $1 left) Oh well. Now how’s that? Wonder what Mark & Nicole did tonight. No I don’t. I Don’t care. I don’t care. I’m tired. It’s 11:45. I want to get some sleep – don’t want to think about depressing things. Why do fools fall in LOVE?????

Sunday 7/9/86

I am ashamed. I did no HW, whatsoever at all this weekend. That is terrible. Planted & gardened a bit with mum (Julia stayed at dad’s last night) we went to dad’s around 10:00 I think, but before we left – just before we left – the phone rang. Mum said “Its’ for you” I said “Sharon” she said “no, a male”. No, it was not Mark. It was Peter H. Ha Ha. Anyway he said his friend Phillip C thinks I’m cute & has for a long time – saw me at movies last night, at the chemistry lecture & at Trobruk Pool (last wednesday, I deduced it was) And he said “do you want to meet him?” No. let it be. I’ll just wait and see. [I was – and still am – totally averse to set-ups or blind dates. Anything contrived puts me right off. One of the (many) reasons internet dating is not for me.] (At Dad’s watched Weird Science on video & went to see the house he bought – could be nice with doing-up) Rang mima around 2:00, asked her about him. She reckons he’s cute – really tall (brown skin) was sitting with Rodney T at the chem. lecture & I didn’t see him. SHIT. Oh well – prob. is I still love Mark. Watched Romancing the Stone on TV tonite Great! Is almost 11:00. School work is YUK.

A Flat Tyre, Mistaken Identity & the First Kiss (25-31 August)

Published on August 25, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 25/8/86

Was average day. Rumours spread about Fi, Monique & I smoking at the party. I told everyone I wasn’t. (But the others were) Bludge in triple art – Ms Marsland was away. Funny in chemistry. I used a tap and the pressure (air block or something caused a ‘reaction’ in my measuring cylinder – I dropped everything & had a heart attack!! I was shaking so badly!! It was bloody hilarious. Also saw little of Mark ie: at big lunch didn’t see him but he came to school early today & was wearing a blue shirt! […and the significance of that is? I can only assume that I might’ve been wearing the same colour…and being occasionally prone to superstitious notions, this could have represented an ‘omen’!] On the way home on the bus, we had a blow out, bloody scary too!!! Big explosion sound. Dust flew in the windows! But after long delay we kept going with the flat tyre. [Really? I’m not really au fait with automotive stuff but I thought that was a seriously bad thing to do?] And tonight I answered the phone. Some chic Alison reckons she cleans nana’s flat and I thought it was Sharon – I played along “Alright Sharon” getting a bit bored “cut the crap. What do you want?” “Can I speak to your mother?” I obliged. Mum said “Oh, Alison, Hi!!” SHIT! I was so embarrassed!!!! FUNNEE!! SHAME. SKINTED SEVERELY. Said Hi to Mark & Steven (Steven mainly) & he did nothing Ha. I made another effort

[The diary had ‘Week 35’ printed near the date and I did a calculation (see pic) to ascertain how many weeks were left in the year. Seems to have elicited a response that’s hard to decipher.]

Tuesday 26/8/86

Very boring day. Actually not! In Bio, had our test – I forgot all about it but – it was easy – I passed, no sweat (But how good did I do? . . .) Ms Marsland wants 30hrs now, due Friday SHIT! Maths boring. At big lunch Fi, mima & Sharon & I rode to town. Ordered a bouquet of flowers for Monique & went to woolies. Pigged out. Were very late. 20 mins into 6th period we rode back … Becca G, Judy, Donna & Sandie were walking. Mr Stodford .. Oh no! we didn’t get revved but Becca & Co did… Ms Marsland let me off the hook, but not the others! (Nah, she just “talked” to them) Standing with Fi at bike racks = Lynette C was talking with Mark. We stood there too!!! Finally walked off! Then saw him as we stopped to pump up my tyres. He said something to mima – we didn’t hear it tho. Hunk! Bought, in town, mima’s prezzy: TRUE BLUE record by Madonna. I was taping it & found it buckled on side 2. [Hilarious! Buy a gift for someone else but make sure it serves your own purposes first!!] Did no HW. 9:15 Got mim’s swatch re swapped also M. Mouse watch working again.

Wednesday 27/8/86

Again he talked; to Lynette C. & Fi was with them, we were waiting for her (at a distance) to ride to swimming. Mima came ½ way thru’: Brent was talking to a Yr 9 girl & been ignoring her all day; was really upset. We rode back to near service stn diagonally acoss from school oval & waited ages for Adam G, & Benji (we rode with them to school today) I thought Mark would’ve gone; but no- he came & mima reckons “let’s give him the fingers” so she did & he stopped & came & talked!! (Didn’t look at me once – shy!!! I hope???) Got home late. Bugared at speech (before we raced into town to check Madonna record – was just our record needle – too old – record’s not buckled at all.) Asked Fi; she said mima really wants that record great huh? And she doesn’t think any one else got it 4 her. Tired; did little HW (only Chem) wrote (sad) note to mima for her birthday. Busy day. Fun 4 mime tomorrow. Monique was really embarrassed this morning, EVERYONE sang H. B’day!! & hung signs!! Wonder what she thort of our flowers

Thursday 28/8/86

I think I’d better give up on Mark. He had the biggest fight with Tricia today and so many people have said that he’s with Nicole C now (they kissed etc) BITCH. She’s got what she wants. And Mark. FUCKING PRICK. He is gutless and a bastard. [Upset much?] Mima’s B’day. I gave her my note after I got off the bus. She rang & invited me up; Fi read it and got teary (!!) Had B’day Cake & we (mim & I) went to Earlville. Mark was there (with his family skint – was dressed dag YUK) and saw Ben & Richard, Justine, Sharon, Steven B. and some others. FUCKING BASTARD I wish I could talk to Cameron – but he’s the biggest snob. How can I trust the dumb bastard? If he likes me, why does he do this? Is he so dumb that he thinks it won’t affect me? HE IS DUMB. A big sucker. EGOmanic, sorry-for-himself [?], BASTARD. I wish I could be a bitch to him. I wish he’d crawl to me. [hilarious!] BASTARD. [Yeah, I reckon pretty upset…] 9:55

Friday 29/8/86

I am so bloody confused. And upset. I don’t know anything: does he like me or not? Judy said he’s not going out with Nicole cos she asked her. Well, so what? [Maybe I hadn’t heard of ‘casual sex’ at that stage?] I still don’t know what happened Wednesday night … monique said they were kissing … Judy said they weren’t. I wish I didn’t have to, but I think Monique is the one to be believed. She would not lie about that to me. [After all, she eventually became my best friend] Bastard. God I like him so much. Why is he such a bastard? The bad thing is I can’t talk to anyone about it; they don’t understand or don’t want to listen. [Groundwork laid for future Depression? Not talking to people because you think they won’t understand, don’t want to listen AND you don’t want to ‘burden’ them with your ‘Stuff’ anyway?] I am so upset. Party Saturday night. This could be the decider. Oh, I’m so scared & upset & anxious… caught bus into town – julia, fi & I looked for clothes. Julia got a white skirt. Fi got white pants on lay-by. And me? Nothing. What’ll I wear tomorrow night? SHIT. No HW this arvy. Do it all 2morrow.. 9:30. Sleep!!!!!

Saturday 30/8/86

I did my Bio & attempted my Chem & Maths. My english assignment I did not “further”. The day went rather slowly. At about 5:30 I started to get ready. I had eaten lot of junk today! Finally, we left, picked up Fi & got to GREASE. [It was the final performance so the after-party was expected to be big] there were so many familiar faces around! (ie: I knew so many people) It was excellent. Mark was cool. After it, I was informed secretly that Nicole & Him had a big juicy kiss in dressing room. Went to party after ceremonial congratulating and thanking those involved etc. The Party was boring. There were heaps of people; but I was bored. Nicole & Him were together; I was depressed & upset. Judy (after my cry on her shoulder) eventually talked to him after Nicole left, just before everyone migrated to Crocodile Rock (Terry was after Fi) We got there in a cab with Tanya C, Sharon, Fi & I (Judy said Mark didn’t know I liked him so much & he felt really terrible) Croc Rock was excellent; I kept my eye on Mark. [Here I crossed over to the next (Sunday’s) page…]

Sunday 31/8/86

… He danced with Sharon, me with Cameron & Fi with Terry. We danced & danced. After a drink & socialise, danced again (Mark with Fi this time) then again him with Trish & me & cameron. they were dancing really ‘sexy’-ily [by this I think I mean ‘Dirty Dancing’ style…] & kissed now & then… I kept a smile pasted on my face!! Then, after another rest, Mark asked me. I was shy at first (he’s an excellent dancer) he looked at me all the time. Soon I looked at him too. And loosened up dancing. Our faces came really close & I was nervous. We danced for ages then Trish cut in (jealous?) they disappeared & I sat with Cameron. Then back again & we danced again. This time I wasn’t so nervous…we kissed.. we danced & kissed & danced & kissed & kissed it was BLISS Mima & Steven were nearby together! too! we danced & kissed so much. The last dance was True Colours Cyndi Lauper’s new one. We danced slow, close & kissed. I’M IN LOVE!! [Oh my.. *facepalm!] Then we had to wait for a taxi …meanwhile watched a black woman being butch!! At Fi’s at 5:45, mima walked home; Mark, Steven, me Fi & Sharon spent time in Fi’s resting talking laughing; doing nothing. he was so nice to start with then he started getting a bit vicious – pinching my cheeks → It hurt! After that we didn’t talk much. (I am so tired) Got no sleep! Went to mima’s after Sharon left. Guys swam then we all rested – Mark & I slept, mim & Steven? & Fi? (I was asleep!) Walked home. “Sad” to go (??) [Really? After having your face tortured?] See him tomorrow Great. Did nothing at home. Have 2 eng. assign’s to do + art. Is 7:30 now. night!!

Sweaty Armpits, More Photography & the Scary ‘Lost’ Drunk (18-24 August)

Published on August 18, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 18/8/86

Nothing else on my mind. I am really sad. Monique said today that Cameron, Him, Seigi S & Nicole C were walking past her place on Saturday night. (They were going to rock her roof, Cameron told her at rehearsals yesterday) Cameron is the biggest snob. He actually sat next to me today in Chem. but didn’t say much. And Mark . . oh! I could cry thinking about him. Why? I think he dropped Tricia today … they didn’t say goodbye to each other this arvy. I haven’t the courage to look at him. I think he hates me. He can’t. I don’t want him to… there must be more parties [like they are the answer to Everything?] (Angie’s next one . . when will it be? After the musical she said, today.) Fuckin’ sweaty I get in my armpits during the day – Dunno why but it’s bloody embarrassing. 9:13. Did no HW. Can’t get motivated. Oh, Mark…

Tuesday 19/8/86

Guess What? It happened. It was bound to. I got my periods tonight. And I have swimming tomorrow! Oh, why couldn’t they have come just one day later? SHIT. Alright day. Saw a bit more of Mark than I’ve ever seen this (or last) week. And, riding home, mima told me how she was talking to him about Tricia. He reckons they’re not “going out” just “hanging around”. And now they’re “fighting a lot lately, not getting on.” Tricia was stoned in art this arvy. Laughed a bit today, too! In fact, laughed quite a lot. Good tho’, maybe that’s all I can do (seeing as I can’t cry over Mark – tho I’ve tried to [you’ve TRIED to?]) I am really worried. Nicole, I see, is almost everywhere, hanging around near Mark. Also mima told me (cos Sharon was in a real mood today) how she was bitching about Mark liking me. “She would[n’t] leave us alone at Angie’s party – he had his arm around me.” 10:15 late: did some HW!!! Gotta do english especially love art at the moment. Hurry up and finish, musical, so Angie’s party can be on!

Wednesday 20/8/86

I didn’t swim, but I went. It was boring. Saw very little of Mark – all of the kids involved in the musical went after 4th period to get ready for their matinee showing. We’d just had art (Mark & Steven mustn’t have gone cos) we were on our way to biology (Donna & I) and Steven looked at me (cos I was looking at them) so I said “Good Luck!” Mark didn’t look at us, but was sort of smiling, looking ahead. Wowee. I made an attempt. But after swimming, when we rode back to “pick up” mima, I saw Mark at the far end of Croswell Hall (waiting to be picked up, I guess) & Nicole was there talking to him. But he was looking in our direction. I kept looking at him too. Wonder if he knew I was looking at him? Wonder if he was looking at me? Oh well. 9:30. Another late night. NO HW done. Sharon’s a bitch. . . she’s so two-faced. About Mark – I couldn’t believe that…….. Riding again tomorrow wo!!

Thursday 21/8/86

Alright. Looked at mark a fair bit, and he caught me, too. In biology, I kept looking at him, even when he’d glanced at me and after school, walking up to the bus stop with Fi [uh, so you didn’t ride to school after all?], I saw him riding off and he was looking at me and I kept looking at him. I hope he gets the message that I do like him. [Because guys are SO good at picking up on subtleties, Liss. And staring at someone all the time could ‘never’ be considered creepy, could it?!] Cause there’s a party after Grease this saturday & another one after Grease on the last Saturday night. And I want him to know I like him so he’ll talk to me & not avoid me. Cos Nicole will also be there. And she really likes Mark a lot. Monique said she’s ‘after him’. He’s being a flirt. Then, after Grease, there’s Angie’s party: 3 in a row! Let’s hope something develops!!! I want him. In art I heard Trish, Michelle, Astia & Neville talking. Trish was saying how the first 2-3 weeks were beautiful but now; ” Yes she was talking about him. Looks ‘over’ for them. BEWARE OF NICOLE C. She’s everywhere he is. 9:50. Didn’t ride today. Also did no HW! Bad periods – was lucky tho.

Friday 22/8/86

Mark, my dreamboat!!! Nothing really happened – Yes it did! At lunch time, I was sitting with Donna, Sandie, Moni, Chris & David and Cameron & Mark were hanging ’round … Judy came along with the camera. Cameron got hold of it and kept focussing on me; Judy pulled me away a little while later and said “I sprung (heard) Mark say to Cameron when he got the camera, ‘Get a photo of elissa, for me please.'” WO!! The rest of the lunch hour, they were all hanging round. It was great. But then after school, Nicole was around. Petra & Judy told me how she absolutely hangs off him in rehearsals etc and even dresses with him. BITCH. This party this Sat. night is gonna be ace!! There are 2; I’m going to both; mima, fi, megan, me, sharon, Liam & his friend are gonna be real hoods; drivin’ round in cars getting pissed!! [Yeah, great idea. I really hope the assumption was that the drivers were excluded from the intoxication] And Mark… wo! I can’t wait!!! 10:00. Mum’s at the pub with the Fishers. I am excited about tomorrow night. CAN NOT WAIT (for mark!!)

Saturday 23/8/86

Wendy F woke me at 1:30. “Mum’s sick and a bit upset…” She was drunk, totally off her face. they’d bought her home; she was sick. I said goodbye to them locked up & lay with her. Julia came in. And a drunk man appeared at the windows “Who the fuck are you?” [I spoke, Julia is more a ‘paralyzed-with-fear’ type of individual] “I’m lost” “Go away.” [We both remember this incident vividly: the Fear. Being ‘stalked’ (or, witnessing an adult male figure ‘casing’ your home) is terrifying, especially when your ‘protector’ (Mum) is completely unconscious…] Mum said it was probably Terry S – but wendy said this morning he was driven home. [The thing is, he lived in the very near vicinity so could easily have walked back to our house after being dropped off. Despite being ‘blotto’ I can’t see a reason for Mum to randomly name a male neighbour with whom she never appeared to have had anything to do with in the past.] It was really scary. Today I did my HW, and got really hyped up about tonight Finally I started to get ready (I’d made so many phone calls during the day) We went with Fi. IT [the musical] WAS EXCELLENT.

All were bloody fantastic (mark spunky – Julia & Cherie reckon he was looking at me all the time) while dancing. After saw him in dressing room But that was it. He didn’t go to the party. We went to Benji’s, but was boring so we (Megan, Moni, Sharon, Mima, Fi & me) walked to Mik’s at Stratford. It was fucking boring. Sharon & I left at 2:30. Fi & Moni didn’t stay at my place. Mark why didn’t you go? Bugar. Mima told me that on Fri nite she asked M “who do you like?” “Don’t know, Why?” “I’m doing some spying for a friend” “Who?” “elissa” “she doesn’t like me does she?” “I don’t know about that” “Really?” He really thought I didn’t like him after all.

Sunday 24/8/86

Woke at 8:30. Am so tired. Sharon left around 11:00, then mima rode over. We talked and everything and laughed with Cherie, Julia and Petra. Did ‘nothing’. Went to the shop. Bought junk while mum bought hot chips for lunch. PIGGED OUT SEVERELY. Mima left later; She was so tired. We lazed around talking, reading. Then watched TV, dropped Petra & Cherie home. Now it’s 7:10. I’m gonna have my shower & go to bed. Take 40’s on, pity I’ll miss it… too tired. Did not even start one english assignment SHIT. That party was so boring most people left; went home or to Crocodile Rock. Everyone was smoking except me No drink there. Oh Mark, I want you. Mima & Petra telling me how she Nicole flashes all over the place when she’s changing in front of him (they reckon Cameron looks away & Mark gets embarrassed) Mima’s back with Brent. too she told me today he didn’t come cos he had baseball finals today. I’m friggin’ tired. Next week will be excellent. Seeing Mark at school and mima’s & moni’s birthdays & Grease final & the party.