A Life in Words

Slave Labour, Car Pushing & Thong Theft (20-26 January)

Published on January 20, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 20/1/86

And the rain continues…. it’s nice & co(ol)ld now, too! Mima got back 5:30 this arvy – rang me about 8:00. Thursday is the day I meet with other new CHS students. Mom [I actually wrote ‘mom’? Surely a joke?] woke me this morning to say I had to go to work, Jenny’d had a big fight with Steven & wasn’t going to work anymore (ever – again) That’s childish So Steve’s on holiday & Dad’s the only one at work. I earned $19.25 did 65 drums + (reduced rate of $2 per hour) 1½hrs. [Reduced rate? I wish I could remember what reason my father gave me for halving my usual pay rate, but I have a feeling it related to needing someone there but not wanting to part with too much for it. Ain’t no way any official employee would have to put up with whimsical pay changes like this…] Saw Justine too. She must have gone for a walk (with this guy – a friend) along the wharf & I saw her just as she was walking out the gates. [My dad’s business premises then were in a shed near the wharves on Trinity Inlet, not too far from the CBD. Of course there’s no sign of their existence now.] Anthony got back from Melbourne today. Hafta work tomorrow again. Late – is 10:34

Tuesday 21/1/86

Did very little at work today, 3¼hrs altogether = $6.50. I got my total pay (yesterday’s too) which came to $25.75 (But I forgot 50c). And Julia got $4 + $4 extra – for no reason except that dad said he could “pay her what he wanted”. So it’s easyily defined – she’s the favourite – ooh! [I remember this. Pretty hurtful. And my father considers my mother always ‘molly-coddled’ my sister. Is this not the pot calling the kettle black?] I’m sick of the mozzies. Aussie flogged India won by 100 runs or so!! Rains only (really) at night. Rang Beka – couldn’t come to Rocky IV. Finally got thru to mima – she’s coming. Rang Fi & Mr D said she was at mima’s Tried & it was engaged again. Have to ring Fi in AM. Late nite: 10:45

Wednesday 22/1/86

Rang Fi – she was at mima’s! Rang mima. Invited Fi & agreed to Jay coming. Rocky IV was unreeeeal!! It was …. ohh! We were squirming around in our seats, covering our faces & saying shit, shit, shit, knock him, kill him! [I’ve never been good with suspense …nor gore. And don’t even bother mentioning horror…] Saw Tashy & Beccy & mima said they just sat staring with no expressions. Punces! [Punces?!] Met Anna & Polly after. Mr B took us back to Brewers. All stayed there the night (Polly’s birthday party (kinda)) Walked to our places & got gear. Had beautiful tea & played Trivial Pursuit (ours) till about 12:30 (mima & I won) Mum said I hafta go home early 2morrow cos the washing machine repairmen are coming & Julia doesn’t want to be on her own there.

Thursday 23/1/86

Woke pretty early (7:30) Mum rang – Mr B said I didn’t have to go home at all this morning – great!! Had no brekky (not too bad – I wasn’t very hungry) [It’s good to know we were always breakfast-eaters… I mean, brought up to eat – and therefore miss, when it wasn’t to be had – breakfast.] then around 10:00, everyone (Tanja, Elisia, Lynette & Ngarie) came [I actually already knew Elisia – she had gone to the same primary school as Jemima, Fiona & I]. They’re all nice!! Talked about a camp at the Tinaburra Recreation Hostel. Got a list. & then talked all day. They left around 4:00. We played cards, before leaving to get our gear for the Waterworks. Got there around 6:15. Was fun! Heaps (our gang) about 18!! Went home in a taxi (WO!) [Yes, a taxi ride was a big deal back then. Since we all lived in what was then almost an ‘outer suburb’, taxis weren’t the most cost-effective mode of transport.] Watched the movie. Am bugared. Glad to have my bed again. Am allowed to go to this camp thing. Is 11:30

Friday 24/1/86

9:37pm. I wanted to have an early night. OH well! Woke latish. Guess what? I got my periods – I’m glad, but mad. Glad cos’ before school – mad cos’ the camp’s tomorrow SHIT. Oh well. Rang mima at 10:36. Got to her place at 10:53. Caught Fi at 10:01. Mrs D took us in. At 11:45 we all (present) went to coles. We finished at 1:45. Walked to Fi’s shop (just me, mim, pol & her) ate & caught bus home. I was tired & had [period] pains. Lazed round all arvy. Didn’t do any housework – lazy dick. Have a shopping list 4 camp. For tomorrow Gotta pack, too. Leaving at 12:00

Saturday 25/1/86

A Life in Words — Obviously this was not us… but I’m sure it felt the same!

Woke around 8:00. Packing seemed to take Years. Went and got the shopping list complete. At 12:00, Mima said (rang) and asked me to go up there. We got to mim’s – they weren’t home. Went to Fi’s. mum left & we walked to mima’s. When Tanja came we left. But we got to Reservoir Road and the car conked at stoplights. We had to push!! EMBARRASSING. Went in back of Idstein’s Ute. [Yeah, those were the the days! Riding in the back of trucks – without restraints – wasn’t yet highly illegal. If it was, it wasn’t strictly enforced.] Uncomfy with 2 dogs. But finally, at 4:30, got to Brewer’s block. Took combie van to Tinaroo – Fun!! Unpacked – messed around. Had a big long tiring swim across dam & back. Late night (pretty good tea) very late, probably 2:00. Had period trouble – quite heavy.

Sunday 26/1/86

Light flow last night thank god. But got caught almost today. Went canoing. Woke around 7:30. Pancakes 4 brekky (we cooked) Then we took the canoes & went out till about 2:00 in the afternoon. Was great But Elisia was so fussy. We ended up doing what we wanted (i.e.. 5 canoes tied to a tree in the middle of the dam 4 lunch & elisia’s on the other bank starving.) Then More fun around 4:00 when went to dam wall & all chased (not all) by the gardener. Took Elisia’s thong – she went hyper-active [‘ballistic’ would be a more meaningful word to describe her reaction, nowadays. Or “off her nut”] – did everything to get it back, but Tanja, Mima, Fi, & I stayed out. Earlier night – no ghost stories etc – straight to sleep after an exciting walk at 10:30. About 12:30

Rain, Mail, Cricket & a Bubble Bath (13-19 January)

Published on January 13, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 13/1/86

I watched TV & read. Went to Nana’s (I mean, we visited her in hospital.) That was a little boring. [Now I can appreciate how difficult it must have been for my poor nephew and niece when we spent many hours of the day in hospital during the final weeks of my mum’s – their Nana’s – life. Mind you, my Nana wasn’t quite on her deathbed.] Am still writing letter to Lucy. Is now about 18 pages long. It rained continuously today. Mostly, it spat, but there were often heavy downpours. I love the rain. It has stopped now. I am putting on weight. It is quite noticeable, too. I must get out and about. Will ring dad tomorrow & see if there’s any work yet. Also have to get uniforms & books yet. I’ll need a hell of a lot of money. [Hmph! I don’t recall having to buy my own textbooks and school uniforms. This is news to me.] Geez, it’s 10:15 already. Time flies. There was something else I was gonna say, but I forgetten. Damn. OH! I got 9hrs sleep last night! I feel great! no more black bags under me eyes

Tuesday 14/1/86

I read again today, but only a bit of time was spent on Lucy’s letter. I received one from her & she included a ℅ address so I finished up & mum sent it. It costed 60c cos’ it was so big. (It didn’t fit in a normal envelope.) [And of course 60 cents is what we now pay to send standard mail. Actually, in context, that’s not a huge price rise in 28 years. It was 33c back then. Considering fuel and house prices in Australia have respectively tripled and more than quadrupled in the same period of time…] Amanda’s staying here tonight. She & Julia & some others saw Goonies today. Australia also beat New Zealand in day/night cricket. Is 9:37. Wanna sleep straight away. Justine phoned me 2night & we’re going to town tomorrow. Still no work from dad. Need to buy uniforms etc. Am terrified about Cairns High. Absolutely frightened [and in red ink, evidently added at a later date] petrified [I had never changed schools in my life, apart from the obligatory move from primary to high school, so I was extremely nervous about the whole thing. Remember I’m quite the introvert and not bursting with self confidence. But I can now say it turned out to be one of the best moves in my life.]

Wednesday 15/1/86

Saw Sean♥ in town. Justine thinks I like him – I’m trying to convince her it’s just curiosity. It’ll be hard. I’ll get to see him all next year – but there’ll be other spunks. Also saw Anna & believe it or not, Donna C. She recognised me too! Shane & Clayton were also in town. We just walked around. Justine looked for black pants. We went to her dad’s work for lunch. Then later caught the bus home to her place. Watched “Monkees” on video & swam. Cooked tea again tonight. Wonder if sean recognised, let alone saw me today. Hope so! It’s 10:20.

Thursday 16/1/86

I went up to Fi’s at about 10:00 today. She read Lucy’s letter & the one she had just received from Fran. I went home soon after, cos’ Julia didn’t want me to be away for long. [I’m assuming here that mum was obviously out at work, and Julia and I were finally considered capable of staying home unsupervised. Heck, I’d hope so by age 15½] Fi rang a little later in the day – around 3:00 she came down. We talked & watched the cricket. The Australians were flogged by the Indians. I wrote a letter to Fran & another short one to Lucy, then I had paper ready to write a small one to Jodie & Michael, but Fi came. More rain today. The mosquitoes are consequently BAD. They’re biting me now. Had a great big rainstorm. Stood in the yard & watched it come!! Getting uniforms 2morrow. Is 9:45.

Friday 17/1/86

Did the vacuuming this morning & I was dripping with perspiration ALL OVER. Wet. My dress was sopping wet. [Ain’t nuthin’ like the humidity in the tropics!] After, went to see Nana & got my uniforms & some books. My chemistry book is gi-normous. And is heavy. Walked to Fi’s around 3:00. Took my stuff to show her. Mum’s started 1 of my skirts. [Mum made most of our school uniforms for as long as I can recall. Skirts mostly because they’re the easiest, but I do recall her making a few of my primary school dresses as well. “Such a clever mummy!” And I actually recall her saying that, laced with humour, to her very modest self, about herself, in her rare ‘proud’ moments.] Talked – did mainly nothing, so I left around 4:30. Had fresh mushrooms for tea. They’re growing in the park – they are edible & harmless & yummy too! they’re even nice raw!! Is HOT today. OH NO! Another late night! Is 10:45. My hair’s getting long. Posted letters to Fran & Lucy 2day.

Saturday 18/1/86

Today we played cards & our tapes. Fiona (from next door) F. gave me a fountain pen (very old, dirty & cracked but useable) + 5 cartridges (1 black + 4 red/pink.) I gave her $4 in return (mum’s money, actually) Very, very HOT today. New Zealand won day/night cricket against India. Good. That means India won’t overtake us. Hooray! We, in turn, must beat N.Z. tomorrow We will. 11:00 – I just watched the movie. Rains still (just a little) My hair’s growing fast – can’t do anything with it. SHIT HAIR. [Fine but thick (lots of it) my hair was too straight and soft to set in any style. It just wouldn’t stay where it was put. Very frustrating for a teenaged girl.] Mum made my shorts – cuties – tiny coloured dots + 1pr for her & 1pr for Jules. [Yep, mum on a roll at the sewing machine…]

Sunday 19/1/86

Today, I watched cricket (Australia beat NZ – and as a result, are far ahead of India & NZ!!! unreal) Lotsa rain today. In fact – non-stop. (mainly spitting) overcast all day – not too hot.. Couldn’t see “View to A Kill” cos of the rain – bit useless at a Drive In Mucked around abit. Had a bubble bath tonight. Lovely & relaxing. Lotsa toads & frogs cos of the rain. I’ve also run out of Beconase spray. OH NO!! Found a good way to wear my hair – parted further down the right side – easier to keep it apart from the main fringe. [‘Height’ was a prominent characteristic of mid 80’s hairstyles so teasing came back into mode, along with truckloads of hairspray. Doubled by girls with slippery fine hair like mine. I built a habit of impromptu teasing by rubbing my palm in circles at the site of my part, which created an impressive birds nest-style knot, but also the much-needed, highly-desired ‘body’ I continually lost. It worked well to semi-ressurect my hairstyle temporarily, but I don’t think I ever considered how it had the potential to thin the hair growth on that side of my head. I’m certainly not bald in that spot, but there’s definitely less sprouting from the right side of my scalp than there is on the left. By the way, I still part from the right to this day.] Getting more & more nervous ’bout school. [The closer it gets…] Having early night. Is 8:50.

Silver Hoops, Gold Lotto & Reincarnation (6-12 January)

Published on January 6, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 6/1/86

Today I watched TV until Beka rang. She had some letters from Lucy for me to read. She walked over. We watched TV & went on the swings, then when mum had to go to Stratford, we picked [up] her gear [to ‘sleep over’]. Back at home, we watched TV, went for a walk (long) & then on the swings again. We visited fi in our walk but she wasn’t there so we got a phone call from her. She’s gonna try to come to town (try – she’s a bit sick) tomorrow with us. Is pretty hot (10:00) Petra’s staying tonight too. I dunno what else to say but I think boarding school’s gonna change Lucy a lot.

Tuesday 7/1/86

I’m sooo tired its not funny. I got 6hrs sleep last night. [Hmm, 6hrs is almost standard for me nowadays, though I prefer 7-8] Just couldn’t sleep in. Went to town (Fi did come, too) Was quite boring. All we did was walk around, Fi looked for & tried on togs & we saw “ST ELMO’S FIRE” Again (me & Fi) for Beka. I didn’t have near enough money so I borrowed. Was great – love that movie (so did Beka!!) (‘I’m Your Man’s on NOW!! LOVE IT!!) Just watched a 2hrs special about reincarnation. Terrific, scary, eerie, weird, incredible. [No doubt one of the many contributors to the formation of my spiritual belief system] (God I love this song!) I wanna work – I need some money. BADLY. Is 10:34. NITE NITE.!!!!!

Wednesday 8/1/86

Dead boring. That’s what today was. (Hey, I’m overdue on my periods, again)…(they were due on the 3rd)…(Uh oh) [It’s pretty entertaining to think I expected a natural body function to follow a man-made calendar.] We (should I say I) woke early & tried my darndest to sleep in. Got ready to go grocery shopping with mum. Ended up bored shitless, waiting for Nana & her blood test. Finally (after having to search for nighties for her too, (and I got a pair of silver hoop ear-rings!) Mum & Nana hate them) [I have previously mentioned how ‘traditional’ my grandmother was, and part of that was naturally ‘instilled’ by her in my mother. Nana hated pierced ears, so mum wasn’t a big fan either. It took a lot of whinging over many years by me and my sister to finally be allowed to get them, but when we did the proviso was that we never wore ‘dangly’ earrings. Ever so slowly this stipulation eased over time but clearly at this stage, a mere pair of hoops were still enough to piss my elders off] mum dropped us home before the shopping. I watched TV & ate. Also, today bought more shorts material – cute tiny dots. Watched movie. Is 10:33. Didn’t win Lotto (never do)

Thursday 9/1/86

Another HOT day. Very lazy: just watched TV & ATE & ATE & ATE. Amanda came over to play with Julia & she kept saying the earrings (my new hoops) looked nice & my hair & my face….. I went slightly red!! [Never been good at accepting compliments. Again, speaks volumes about my self image.] Watched the TV movie. Had Peter Sellers in it (he was very young) so it wasn’t funny after all – it was “stupid” comedy. Wierd film. Fi & Beka rang me today. I’m going to ride with Fi & Anna to the Rocks tomorrow (will have to ring her to find out definite details tomorrow) then tonight Beka asked me to town & the movies with her & Juz (Justine) But I’m broke. Tonite I cooked dinner!! Tropical shish kebabs were Nice!!

Friday 10/1/86

Today’s max was 34! I made myself a pink miniskirt (from one of Jackie’s old dresses) after watching a bit of TV & before leaving for Fi’s. Got there about 11:45. But we went to the Rocks at 3:30, because it was too hot to leave near noon. So we bored ourselves talking, playing cards, watching TV, listening to tapes and feeding Stuart’s pet birds. Once we got there (the pools were crowded) we lay in hot, shallow rapids, downstream. The Rocks, for as far as I can remember has always been ice cold even in the hottest of summers. Anyway, got back around 6:00 after a soft drink from Redlynch. I cooked tea again (good girl, huh?!) meaty casserole

Saturday 11/1/86

Boring day. We shifted (some) of the furniture in the lounge room around – just the washstand, the bookshelf & the white table & port sea chair. Looks different, tho! Also wrote (began writing) a letter to Lucy which (I decided) will be a continuous one, stretching over the rest of the Hol’s. Went to the Clarke’s tonight. I’m reading CATCHER IN THE RYE terrific book. Julia’s at Petra’s (has been all day too) I made a barby doll skirt (outa scraps from my panda bear print shorts.) Is cute! [Really? I was really still into Barbies at 15? Nah, I think it was more about the ‘fashion designer’ in me. Surely?!] Also mum & I went & bought some fruit from Coles today. Wasn’t too hot (max 31° I think) Is 12:42 now. Anyone wakes me early tomorrow gets a punch on the nose!!

Sunday 12/1/86

Cor, today was hot. AND, we found out that we won DIVISION 3 in the Gold Lotto!! We’re in ½ shares with Geoff, though. But that’s unreal! It means about total $1000 so $500 for us! Unreeeeeal!! [Um, $500 isn’t really that much to get excited about. But then, this is 1986 and $500 could buy one helluva lot more back then so that could justify my glee.] I just wrote to Lucy. Finished Catcher in the rye before I got out of bed this morning. Also read the Bird Smugglers by Joan Phipson. Was good: AND AUSTRALIA actually WON in cricket!! Beat the Indians by 2 runs, with 4 wickets in hand, and about 5 overs left, too. The last hit was a 4!! It’s unbelievable!! We haven’t won in cricket for years! [Uh-huh. Cricket talk. That’s not something you’ll see in any of my more recent diaries] Is 10:10.

Hello 1986, it’s HOT! (1-5 January)

Published on January 2, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Wednesday 1/1/86

Well Hi There ’86!! You’re gonna be a great year for me. My Resolution Is to Improve Myself – health, confidence, attitudes, personality etc. We went to 2 parties – the first for a very short time – Bonds next. Less people there!! Had Westcoast toast to the New Year!! [My father, while normally a pretty strict disciplinarian, would have allowed this alcoholic treat because it was a special occasion, and I was 15] Went to sleep about 2:30 after swimming, talking, eating (& having a shower) Woke at 9:00. Dad & Jenny went at 4:00. We had swims & brekky & left with Roger (& Nelly & Amanda) about 1:30. Watched TV & read magazines at dad’s & Roger (& the girls) took us home [to mum] around 4:45. (After a quick trip to Kewarra) Watched TV. Rang Fi – had HEAPS to say to each other. She had a grate [I can’t tell for sure but it looks like I tried to correct that spelling error here] time! Watched movie. another late nite (is 10:34 now)

Thursday 2/1/86

Well today I woke quite late (8:30!) And I lazed around till 10:00, when I got dressed & waited for Fi to come (she arrived at 11:30 after all!) She gave me a writing set & a pen really cute!! Told me all about her holiday – sounded like unreeeal fun!! She stayed until about 3:30 & left as we put up our letterbox. We watched TV (Julia & I) the rest of the night. Is only 9:40. Having a pretty early night. Had heaps to talk about – the things, places, people & occurrences she (& sandy lee) experienced were unreal!! I’d love a holiday down there!! [Holiday indeed. The Gold Coast became a place of abode during Uni holidays some years later. Then from 2002 it actually became my Home.] Someday…! was HOT

Friday 3/1/86

GORD it’s Hot!! Today I woke around 7:30, then received a letter from Mima (in sydney) at 9:00. After doing some housework, I wrote back at 9:30. She had sent up some of the photos she took at our form (Justine’s) party. After that I messed around until we went out – GOT OUR WALKMANS!! [These weren’t literally Sony Walkmans. They were a cheaper version – probably Sanyo or the like. But, they did the job.] Also had a prang (that’s all mum needs – she’s really cranky lately. I think it’s cos of the financial problems & hidden influences from Geoff & how she has ‘no’ or little friends.) Also visited Nana. At home watched TV. Just watched the movie was good! Is 10:26 & I’m HOT!!!!

Saturday 4/1/86

I’m HOT! Summer – Ouch!! Wrote “thank you” notes today to friends & family for the Xmas prezzies, before Fi rang and asked me to the movies. Mrs D took us in to the shop & we walked to the Cinema Capri. “St. Elmo’s Fire” I thought was fantastic. I loved it! Saw Harry (in his car) He whistled & yelled “sexy” to get our attention. [That usually hasn’t worked for most of my life. I usually don’t look for whistlers because I don’t expect them to be targeting me. When I was younger (this age) I also believed it was extremely arrogant to think you would be the object of that kind of attention. Says a bit about my self worth, you think?] Except at the movies, I’ve had my earphones (and the radio/cassette) in use all day! I listened to 2 cassettes + the rest radio. I find if I vary the stations, I pick up good songs often (more wham!). I love their new song – I’m crazy over it: “I’m your Man”. Is 9:35

Sunday 5/5/86

Today I wrote out all my last “thank you” letters, including a 6 page one to Jodie & Mike. Otherwise I watched test cricket [ew, REALLY?] or other TV shows or listened to my walkman (radio) again. (tuning between stations to pick up good songs.) The one I really want to hear non-stop is “I’m Your Man”. I AM FLIPPED over that song. I LOVE IT! Petra came over with her friend Karen. Karen (nearly) always comes over with Petra now. I think she’s taking Petra from Jules. [Ah, the stealing of friends as if they were possessions. It’s amazing how long it can take in a lifetime to learn you won’t and can’t ever ‘own’ people.] And it’ll be hard for her to stop Karen because she & Petra are both at CHS. Poor Julia Was sticky today. Is 10:05 now

If you fancy, here’s the link to the original music video clip on YouTube. What a trip: I’m Your Man – Wham!

One Year: 30 December 2013

Published on January 1, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

I don’t write poetry. But my love for, and feelings about, my mother are obviously so strong that I’ve been inspired twice this year (2013). The following marks the one year anniversary of her passing. I have come to realise that no amount of Time will change the way I feel, and in that respect, anniversaries have little meaning.

365 days
You’ve been in every one
The good and the bad,
The high and the low.
You live in me

52 weeks
My heart’s still broken
Boundless,
Unconditional Love
I’ll never know again

12 months
Splits and rifts
Irrevocable change
And yet none.

1 year
My silent support
My rock
My world
A part of me died with you on this day, 2012.

Final Days of ’85 & some Bonus Rubbish

Published on December 30, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 30/12/85

Gee, it’s the 2nd last day of the year, 1985. I’ve got a new diary ready. for ’86. It’s colder tonight than it’s been over the whole lot (3!) [I’m not sure if that means 3 degrees, or 3 nights? In summer, in northern Queensland, my guess is it would have to be the latter since 3 degrees is a rarity there, despite being inland.] Today we lazed round again (listening to tapes – doin’ nothin’) Bit of rain & a little sun. After 12:00 we walked upstream till we came to the bridge Then we walked back to camp, along the road. Later we drove up to see our old camping site – it’s changed quite a lot. [Davies Creek had been a ‘return site’ for many camping trips, that began way back when mum and dad were still together.] Shallower, less trees & more rocks – a big diff. Very late tea (dinner) tonight. Hope it doesn’t rain – last night it did (apparently (cos I was asleep like a log)) & Julia’s stuff got wet. Am glad to go home tomorrow, in a way. But this is a beautiful area – would like to return. I have an idea of my New Year’s Resolutions [what, no hints??]…….→(is 10:50 now)

Tuesday 31/12/85

On the last day of 1985, I woke around 7:30 & had a large breakfast before spending the remaining 3/or 4 hrs packing up. Then we cleaned up [we ALWAYS tried to leave every environment as untouched as we found it] & relaxed for the last 1½hrs. We left Davies Creek at 1:30. At home (about 3:00) I unpacked quickly, then re-packed. Helped unpack at dad’s then got ready to go to theNew Years Parties. I’m ready now. I don’t want to leave writing this till I get home because it’ll be 1986 by then. We’re going to two parties (that I know of)Bond’s & some other person’s from Price Waterhouse. Amanda & Janelle will be at both, too. We’re taking our togs. I’ll be optimistic & happy tonight & hopefully that will get me on a good start for 1986.

25/9/85

Thinking about past times when writing my ’84 diary, I miss the fun the 3 of us had. All the things we did together on the holidays & even some weekends/weekdays were so fun! I wish it could be relived But I don’t WORRY about it anymore (e.g. – pages previously) I will be content, however little happier if some past events would again occur. Still, life goes on & past things must be “forgotten” Someone said (Tom Bailley – Thompson Twins) That near death, however, you wish to be with past memories parents, personal possessions etc. Then again, it could just be because he is a Capricorn!!

Justine is not my best friend. I have no best friend (s) I go out with her because she invites me. I must lead a good social life. If I am tied down, hoping to be included in everything Jemima & Fiona do, I will miss out on lots of wonderful things. After all, these are meant to be the best years of your life (Really?) I must learn to be responsible for myself & not DEPEND too much on OTHERS AND JEALOUSY is not an Admirable virtue

PREZZIES!! (Xmas)

Mum Material for shorts, candies, $1

Dad 2 sets of beads & bangle (aqua & apricot) + $20 Chandlers voucher + $40 (for clothes)

Julia [sis] singlet

Nana [my grandmother – mum’s mum] nightie, note paper, earrings, necklace, soaps (6, I think) cover stick (make up) Hankies

Geoff [mum’s partner] walkman, $10, candies

Papa [my grandfather – dad’s dad] $20

Jenny & Co [dad’s partner, my future stepmother] ½ shares in a year’s subscription of NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC + $10 ½ shares with Julia in a Chandlers gift voucher

Anthony [my to-be-step brother] candle & novelty glass

The Bests [family friends – of mum’s partner] Sleeping shirt & bubble bath

Hilary, Jodie, Mike [mum’s sister’s family] etc earrings + midriff singlet

Bev & Co [dad’s brother’s family] Blue T-Shirt

Pam & Co [dad’s sister & family] $10 voucher – Chandlers

Mrs M [my mum’s partner’s mother] necklace (chain)

Portable Music, Leeches & Short Short Hair (23-29 December)

Published on December 23, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Scrawled across the top of the pages opening to Sun 22nd & Mon 23rd Dec: Have got to get a new (’86) Diary – look how fast 1985 is going!!

Monday 23/12/85

I only really ever start to feel hot at night when I come into my room – it is a very hot room. I need a fan or something like it. Went to Justine’s today (didn’t sleep in this morning) around 10:30. She came here (I gave her her choccys & at her place, she gave me my prezzy – pretty frost-colour nail polish.) At her place (we rode there) we talked, swam, watched videos (Inspector Gadgets & Countdowns) & also listened to Justine’s new walkman – it’s unreal! There’s no normal headphones – just ear-plug type things really groovy!! & it’s auto reverse! (You don’t have to turn the tape over – it plays the alternate side automatically.) ITS GREAT!! Hope I get a walkman – really want one now. [The birth of portable music! I still forget that most people younger than me have no idea what a cassette tape is. And auto-reverse? Pfft! It’s interesting that the large headphones are making a comeback, after I frothed here about the tiny ear bud ones.] Went late night. Yes Monday late night for the late Xmas shoppers. Julia got some togs. Mum got the present Julia’s going to give me & we all looked at tapes. Can’t wait to buy them!! Early-ish nite.

Tuesday 24/12/85

Woke early – lazed around all morning (watched a bit of TV, etc) We’re minding the Fishers’ birds & Julia & I cleaned the cage today. Julia went to the movies (saw Teen Wolf with (hunky) Michael J. Fox – the one I wanna see.) Meanwhile mum & I went to take Nana to hospital – her arthritis is getting really bad lately (took her, for eg, over 1 hour to stand up out of bed this morning – Bad, huh?) [Rheumatoid arthritis is apparently hereditary. Mum began to get her symptoms around the age of 50 but her sister hasn’t suffered from it at all. I am wondering who of my sister & I will be the lucky recipient. I have had my rheumatoid factor checked by my GP and there’s nothing at the moment. Considering rheumatoid arthritis is an auto-immune disease, I am hoping that my relatively strict healthy lifestyle defers any chance I have of contracting it.] Then we did miscellaneous shopping (the Bloodbank was shut – thank god – it woulda bin boring waiting for mum) Watched TV at home. Got a postcard from Fi she thought my letter was great!! She actually laughed!! AND she also got her hair cut SHORT!! Now, that’s impelled me to get mine short…like this. [See the photo of the original diary entry, below. This was clearly one of those times I’d run out of space on the original day and carried over to the next day’s page (I want) Back: layered Is 9:50. Open prezzies 2morrow!! UNREAL!!

Wednesday 25/12/85

I can’t help feeling guilty about feeling “deprived” with (some) no, truthfully – most of my presents. Mainly the clothes, tho. All shirts 2 night shirts, 3 daywear. I hate them all. And I am terribly ashamed at the same time. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. But I HATE them. Yuk Yuk Yuk Yuk. I won’t use them – that’s a TERRIBLE waste. [Here it is again. The truth behind my apparent Ingratitude. I despise waste. Of any kind. But here, it’s the idea that my loved ones have wasted their money on things that I didn’t want.] (Today we watched TV – thrilling, huh?? Visited Nana – boring?? Yep. Then watched TV again thrilling, huh??) BORING XMAS DAY. I’m getting all worked up again, now. Sposed to be happy, merry etc …. I hear all people on the radio saying got heaps of clothes which they all love – it’s not fair. Why can’t people satisfy me?? [Fussy. I have always been ‘particular’. Clothes, food, men, routine…] NOT FAIR Late night (11:00 overcast day today

Thursday 26/12/85

Ate sooo much junk today. All I had that was “good” was 2 “Good Start” biscuit (brekky biscuits) + 1 piece ham + some home-made chips. All the rest (and there was heaps of it) was junk – pure junk (lollies, cashews, shortbread, chocolate, fruit cake etc) [Um yeah… with hindsight, I’d now say the only “good” was the cashews and home-made chips. Breakfast biscuits certainly aren’t good for you and I barely touch ham now because it’s full of nitrites] YUK. I watched TV all day. Mum made our shorts out of our material. They’re sooo cute (I like mine best, but) – Although mine need a few minor adjustments. Visited Nana later, too. Well, looks like BOXING DAY ’85 was more boring than my average weekend spent doing HW, during school. Great, huh? Oh, well. Tomorrow am gonna get haircut not the perm + togs & watchband (I’m gonna take my old white digital watch to Davies Creek [going camping with Dad] cos’ it’s water resistant to 30m (I think) which means I can swim with it) cos the old one’s broken + Hopefully our walkmans will be at Big W. And we’ll get all the tapes we want from Chandlers (CAN’T WAIT!!) Is 9:45 pretty early 2 nite, huh?!

Friday 27/12/85

FRIDAY DEC. 27. Y’know I still haven’t got a diary for ’86 yet. (Yes I did! I got it today – unfortunately it’s just like this – there are NO diaries anywhere. (that are bigger, that is.)) Got a red singlet & blue togs just like julia’s (but one size larger – 12) + white sunnies which I love!! + a stupid, cheap watchband for my old white watch. Nana came out of hospital. AND I GOT MY HAIR CUT SHORT!! Very short. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t hate it, but now I’m used to it I love it except: I’d like the sides, above the ears, cut short. At the moment it’s just a very short bob. Also got the 4 cassettes (Eurythmics, Thompson Twins, Elton John and the Eurogliders + 4 blank cassettes for recording other records e.g. Wham! Tears 4 Fears, Dire Straits etc. Early-ish nite. Gotta pack 2morrow. Also!! Returned the green singlet from Julia to Sportique & (paid an extra $4) got a blue sleeveless T-shirt with deep V back!! UNREEAL!!

Saturday 28/12/85

Dad came late (around 10:30) went shopping (saw Skinner & lotsa people who probably did see my hair) The only one to say anything was Jenny. After shopping, went to Neil M’s & dad helped him put up the out-of-ground pool. Then around 3:30, went to Holloways, Anthony packed for Melbourne (changed his booking to tomorrow instead of Jan 3., so not coming camping) Got here around 5:30. Is beautiful – shady & shallow pools (one deep part) Didn’t bring my plate – deliberately – I don’t think my teeth need it anymore. [Ha!] Pretty late now – had dinner at 9:15. Radio doesn’t work in the car – think it’s only cos’ the batteries are going flat. Wore this ADINA watch in the water – is working fine (water’s cold) Is 10:45 – Pretty cool, too. Nite!

Sunday 29/12/85

Cold last night! (I wasn’t but Julia was.) Woke up a lot, very squeaky every time we moved. [I am assuming this was the air bed we must have been sleeping on. Airbeds tend to be noisy, for those who don’t know.] Today was lazy. Did nothing till about 12:00 when we walked downstream (I got a beesting on my knee) to a giant waterfall (we were at the top of it) & stayed there lazing in the pools. Lotsa leeches (tiny ones) which liked me, but luckily got no chance to suck my blood. Came back around 4:30 – Abbo boys here – thought they might’ve nicked things cos’ they looked pretty sus, but nothing was missing. The Mattheson’s went home around 5:00. I just listened to the radio tonight. Is warmer 10:03 now I’ve swum with my watch & it’s fine – unreal!! I’ll continue wearing it I think!

Pandas & Rainbows & Mary, Queen of Scots (16-22 December)

Published on December 16, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 16/12/85

Am BOILING Just now. wasn’t too bad today – just got hot (noticeably hot) in the last 10 mins. Today was O.K.. Got Julia’s prezzy ( a brightly patterned & coloured singlet) & the other ½ of mum’s (the $30 voucher from Sussan’s.) Got Lucy’s – a plastic novelty (wine) glass from Mr Timothy’s [a local novelty gift store, along the lines of the 80’s franchise Granny May’s] & filled with smarties & the fucking cup broke when mum dropped it. So, now, I won’t have time to get Lucy one cos’ I’m not going to the movies. Fuck that I haven’t got any money. But I’ve gotta see Lucy tomorrow – to give her a present & that book. Saw Steven B today. Is a spunk but I don’t feel for him (like Mark too) as I still do for Sean. Tim’s a blurry shadow. Yuk. Early-ish (hot) nite.

Tuesday 17/12/85

Went to Earlville with Julia this morning till about 12:30. Got Nana’s, mima’s, Lucy’s (new one), Fi’s & Beka’s presents. Nana – 2 prs stockings [oh my dear Nana…who used to wear stockings year round, because it’s just what you did. Regardlless of heat and/or humidity. Such a staunch traditionalist] & 1 bottle of perfume & for Lucy, Beka mima & fiona, acrylic patterned glasses ‘filled’ with smarties & M&Ms. Have to give Lucy hers tomorrow. Gotta get Geoff’s & Justine’s now. Thank god. Will, hopefully, have some leftover too. Ate sooo much today – lotsa chocolate. Feel so fat & bloated. [There’s a good indication there of my ability to sense the effects of poor food choices…er, even if it is only emotional (guilt) at this stage.] Is humid not hot. Am tired – having an early nite (9:10) Wrapped all the prezzys & made little ‘tag’ cards. Thinking of making Nin some decorations & a tree but remember she’s going away. [Now at what stage in life did I lose this creative desire? Gift tags, christmas decorations? These days I’m hard pressed giving any card with a present. And I hardly ever bother with a christmas tree.] Everyone is. Xmas & New Year will be boring this year. (Got in a big cranky rage this arvy – terrible – swear like hell & throwing things & slamming doors. Am HOT now. Tired. Nite. PS looked for new diaries – found none

Wednesday 18/12/85

The only time I really start to feel hot & sticky is at night. Am soooo HOT!! Early nite – watched last episode of Sons & Daughters for ’85 [Really? I didn’t know Sons and Daughters was still going in ’85] Country Practise’s last episode is tomorrow night. Today I ate soooooooooooo much. Am getting terribly fat in the stomach again (again? You mean as usual!) Feel ashamed. Today, Lucy left. I went around to her place around 9:45. Helped her finish packing etc. Picked up Beka & went to the airport. Was all very quick I didn’t cry – Mrs Warner, Beka & Jane did – my eyes watered a little. Gonna miss her – will try to write letters (if not, notes will do) per week & send them down in bunches. [Well, the thought is admirable. Am fairly sure that didn’t happen…] this arvy I ate, watched TV, ate, drew & vegetated. That’s about my style. AM HOT. Is 8:45PM SLEEPY – NITE!!

Thursday 19/12/85

Lazy day. Was tired – got up – did a bit of drawing, then spent the rest of the day in my bedroom, on my bed, listening to the radio & tapes and reading through old ‘Dolly’ magazines. Then rode down to hairdressers. Spent a lot of time deciding what to do with my hair (everyone ‘except Geoff & me think I should have short hair… YUK!!) Finally, just got a little trim & an Inch off the back – nice’n’short (-ish) now!! Casual, cool!! Watched TV at home, then went to park – no big thrill till Julia, Fiona, Rachel, Melanie & Melinda decided to strip me. I stormed home. Got into tears. Absolutely thrashed Julia when mum called her home. Then had a BIG fight. Julia rang dad. Mum got upset & cried. Poor mum, I feel the strain she bears, now. Will try to help more. Start by doing some housework & cooking meals. Late nite. Not too HOT now. Am tired. Nite.

Friday 20/12/85

Mum & I went shopping today, at Kmart & Big W (Earlville) I’ve now finished my Xmas list!! (Geoff – put towards a $20 shirt (mum paid rest) & Justine – a box a choccies) Also, got $20 from papa to spend. Dunno what to get – will ask mum if she can get me something (I love surprises!) [….as long as I like what I’m given…] Watched movie am bugared – Dunno why I did. Also, went to Richardson’s & got pretty material with Pandas & rainbows!! Can’t wait to make the shorts!! They’ll be unreal!! [Oh I remember those! There was a time when women’s boxers or pajama-style shorts – to be worn as outerwear – came in, so the ‘cuter’ the fabric print, the better.] Wasn’t too hot today; then again, we were in air conditioning most of the day. Is almost 11:00 – must get some sleep

Saturday 21/12/85

Is 10:50. Very boring day today. I read through a dictionary (believe it or not) to sort out some Greek & Latin roots & looked at the Australian vocabulary. [Reading a dictionary? Now that is TRUE Boredom. I actually remembering doing that though. And had full intentions of continuing.] Also did some doodling of hairstyles. Am thinking of getting my hair layered & permed & setting it like Lucy’s. Dunno, but. Went to the Drive In. Saw Police Academy 2 & ‘Doin’ Time’. Alright. Bit funny. Ate a fair bit, too. Umah! Did a little housework today. (believe it or not) Also Beka came around & got her bike (‘cos I called her) Also gave her her present. Now have only 2 more to get rid of. Was strangely tired today – ultimately lethargic. Maybe I need more sleep, or exercise or something. [Bingo to the exercise guess.]

Sunday 22/12/85

Got up late – I actually slept in! (Till only 8:30, though.) I just read the Dolly (January’s) and the morning flew by!! In the arvy I drew a bit, watched the movie (on TV) Mary, Queen of Scots – which I enjoyed immensely!! I love historical movies! Justine rang – we talked for yonks!! Got ready & went to dad’s for Xmas tea. Filling!! I got $1.20 worth of coins in my plum pudding!! Then I got 25c extra from other people who didn’t want theirs For my prezzies from Anthony, dad & Jenny, see the last page of “Notes” (where all others will be listed, too) [My ‘recording obsession’ meant that I had to log all the gifts I received, and not wanting to waste valuable daily diary space, I usually found another area in the diary, in which I could compile the all-important information. This extended to ordinary days when I felt I had more to say but couldn’t fit it in on the actual diary page. So there may be an extra blogpost, or an extra long blogpost, when I reach the year’s end…] Really wanna start’n’shape up my figure – wanna exercise & slim right down. Is a bit hot. Late night again. Going to J’s (Justine’s) tomorrow for swim → GREAT!! Is about 10:45. Am tired

The Anniversary of the Fall

Published on December 13, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

I know it was “meant to be”. And I couldn’t’ve prevented it because Mum was stubborn. It had happened before – a few times at home according to my sister – so was bound to happen again.

She wouldn’t ask for help. She wouldn’t wake her darling daughter, disrupt her sleep, just to go to the bathroom. That’s the kind of mother she was. Apart from being stubbornly ‘capable’ of finding her way to the toilet in the dark, under the influence of incredibly powerful painkillers and with numb feet thanks to the chemotherapy, she loved me way too much to break my much-needed slumber. You never wake up your babies (unless you absolutely have to).

It was a decent distance she had to travel between the bathroom and the couch she preferred as a bed. I’d realised as soon as she arrived that she would never make the flight of stairs to the bedrooms on a daily – or nightly – basis and also couldn’t get up from a mattress on the floor, so we made my generous three-seater her ‘station’. I slept on the mattress on the floor not 4 metres from her, for the sole purpose of being there for any help she needed during the night.

So all I heard was an almighty crash and a feeble wail. More like a pained, guttural exclamation. “Oh, oh, ohhhhhh”

“Mum? MUM?”

Panic & adrenaline flooded me in an instant, as I leapt up and I don’t even remember getting to the bathroom but I will never lose the mental image of her laying contorted in the shower recess.

She had almost made it to the toilet but lost her balance at the final moment, reaching out to her left for a wall, where there was none, and fell straight into the shower recess, over the ledge, smashing her head against the shower wall on the way down.

She lay in a contorted position, half foetal, sort of twitching in the struggle to get up and the moaning…. there were no words.

I can’t recall how I got her up, it wasn’t easy. I was trying to remain composed, but my panic momentarily exposed itself in the guise of a few whimpers and split-seconds of inaction driven by feelings of helplessness and overwhelm.

“Mum, oh mum”

She had soiled herself, naturally. She was after all trying to get to the bathroom for a reason.

Somehow, I did what had to be done. I don’t recall how, but I got her onto the toilet although she barely had the strength to sit up. She flopped forward, until I managed to get her to lean back against the toilet cistern. I cannot remember how I got her cleaned up and clothed in fresh garments but she recovered enough to answer my questions.

“Do you feel any pain?”

“No”

“Nowhere? How about your head?” There was an obvious egg by now.

“No”

This is what concerned, confused and later amazed me. She felt NO pain?

Getting her back to the couch wasn’t easy. I virtually had to carry her, although she must have regained an ounce of strength because I certainly didn’t get her there all on my own. Positioning her more upright, I fetched an icepack to put under her head, then set to work cleaning up the bathroom.

There was no return to slumber for me. Her breathing was laboured but I was more concerned about her head. That was, after all, exactly where some of her numerous tumours resided. I lay listening to her strange ‘snoring’ occasionally sitting up to look at her properly, for closer analysis. I was literally biding time until the clock struck a ‘decent’ hour at which I could ring my sister for advice. 6am. Mum was still sleeping while I spoke to Julia.

We decided it would be best to phone the Nurses Hotline.

There was no blood, she didn’t seem concussed (she knew where she was, who she was, who I was and what had happened) and again, amazingly, no pain. With the details of the (advanced) state of her cancer, and the fall, the nurse advised it might be best to try to get her to a hospital Outpatients. “Not a Medical Centre, but a hospital. Just to be on the safe side. The painkiller may be masking something that she’s not feeling so if you’re already at the hospital, they can act immediately.”

“I don’t think I can get her into the car, I barely got her back to the ‘bed’.”

Ambulance. So I dialled 000 and repeated the story, gave the same background information and answered roughly the same series of questions that the nurse had asked.

They arrived quietly. No siren needed. And in true Ambo form, they handled the situation beautifully, with calm, assured, professionalism and the perfect degree of humour. The story was related for the third time, and while they negotiated her into the ambulance, I collected some things I thought she might need, and was ready to follow them as they pulled away.

By the time we reached the Tweed Hospital, an ambo had administered oxygen to mum, making light of it. But this became the bigger issue. The young English doctor who finally examined mum was very nice but she was over waiting. She rolled her eyes at me when she thought he wasn’t looking. She had extra waits for tests to be run – XRays or CT scans I can’t recall which, but in the end, it was mum’s lungs he was concerned about: nothing to do with the actual fall.

We pretty much expected she would be kept in for observation at least one night. As long as she and I could catch our flight back to Cairns on the 22nd, it didn’t matter.

They found she had emboli (blood clots) on her lungs. Apparently this is a common occurrence with chemotherapy. I wasn’t sure what this meant. They were going to administer anticoagulant drugs to break up the emboli so there was still a chance we could get on our flight…after all, we had nine days?

It wasn’t to be. The emboli slowly disintegrated but it was the tumours that were wreaking the havoc ultimately. So when mum entered Tweed Hospital the morning of 13 December 2012, it would be her final place of residence; the locale of her final christmas and grandson’s 13th birthday. She departed just five days later.

Nasality, Quadraplegia & Hiding from Cars (9-15 December)

Published on December 9, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 9/12/85

Earned a further $25 today. Still want more. [Aha, first hint of an earning addiction. Working to earn, to accrue – whether to spend or save – can become a compulsion. While the discipline is admirable, on the whole it’s not great for your mental/emotional health.] Have to work to earn money for Wednesday, too; Beka, Justine, Lucy, me & Sharon D are gonna go to the movies & mum said I have to use my own money, so.. IS BOILING HOT!! Guess what we’re gonna see?!!! For my 3RD TIME – Back to the Future!! OMIGOD I don’t believe this heat! Mum bought some more new Xmas decorations. Adam G & Steven S rode by. (See, Friday arvy, when Beek & I were getting ready for the party, Adam talked to us – Beka reckons he was chatting us up. Anyway I think she might be right cos’ he & Steven were ‘hanging’ round this arvy.) Anyway, am having a (pretty) early night for once (is 9:45 now) So goodnight!!!

Tuesday 10/12/85

One of the most iconic Australian women’s clothing brands of the 80s

I am afraid – afraid to speak, that is. Everyone at work tells me how nasally I am getting. [Unfortunately little has changed, although I am surprised how few people have mentioned it in these later years of my life. “You have a distinctive voice” was the most recent – and very tactful – description of my voice.] I really want to have my adneoids out. I feel it would help a lot in preventing my allergies (getting totally rid of them) & much of my mucus problem, blood noses & of course (& most importantly) my nasality (& sinus). [Dr Elissa] Today I went to work again (for the money, and the sake). Earned $24. My total is now $132. Went to Kmart this arvy – forgot to take my money. DUMB, huh?!! (No comments, please!) New part looks good – there’s Cherry Lane & some other jewellery shops & ‘sunnies’ shops. Dear me, thinking about it, I think I do go to work not only for the money, but for something to do during the day. (Mum’s usually not home…) [My sister was in Grade 8 and they didn’t finish up for the year until a fortnight after us Year 10’s. And with Mum needing to work obviously I would have been very much alone at home. Everyone needs ‘Purpose’.] Dad’s running out of cash. I’m not allowed in there for some time. Oh dear!!.. Movies (again) tomorrow

Wednesday 11/12/85

Was ready to go to town early, so went to Lucy’s. Got mum a purse & dad’s running shorts. The movie was good (I’ve seen it 3 times, now) Beka loved it and the supporting film. Warren D & Wayne C saw us at interval. Came & sat near – BLECH! Caught 4:00 Bus to Lucy’s (Sharon D went home) Played board games (Anna & Colleen dropped in.) Beka & I are staying the night. Mucked around – went for a walk around the streets & I (of course, with my Luck it was me) got ‘sprung’. See, we played that we hid from cars when they came. I hid behind a car & Luc & Beek jumped into a bush. Stupid guy fairly blew me up. Fuckwit. Latenite. Read books

Thursday 12/12/85

Woke what musta been quite late, cos Beka got in BIG trouble with her mum. Apparently Mrs H came around to pick her up from work; knocked on the door & no one answered, so she went home & rang up later. For me & Luc, it was a very lazy day. We just read books. Ate very little until [at this ‘juncture’ a long arrow wound through and around my text, pointing finally to the ‘Cake Day’ sticker, next to which I wrote “Well, I mean I ate a LOT of cake, today!!”] (I got home) Watched a bit of TV & I went home at 5:00 Nana was here. Anyway, is almost 11:30, now. I finished my book about 20 mins ago. Gotta give it back to Lucy before she goes (she’s going on Monday) AM SOOO TIRED. I also have an ‘infected’ eye. Is all puffed up and sore. Mum thinks it’s a bite…

Friday 13/12/85

Lazed round this morning till 11:45 when got ready & went to the Dr.’s! At the clinic I saw J. C-S’s health card & I thought she must have been in there, but up pulled an ambulance & Jodie was in it. Julia said she was on the mini-trampoline in PES – she has a suspected fractured neck. There goes her sporty achievements. He (the dr) didn’t move her out of the vehicle for if he had examined her, & touched/moved the wrong things she could become quadriplegic. My swollen eye was just another side effect of my allergies. Dr H said I must continually use my Beconase – not just for the allergy attacks. It’s like “taking the pill once you’re pregnant.” So I’m on a trial run for 3 weeks. If there is no improvement in my sinus, nasality, allergies or mucus congestion then he will refer me to an Ear, Nose & Throat specialistic who might consider removing my adenoids. The Bluelight was boring in action – but the people were “good”. John Cl- & John Co-, & SEAN! He’s still a spunk. Also, after (on the way home) had to squish in Justine’s car with Jason P, Mark, Martin P & another guy. Funnily enough – I felt nothing towards Mark as I had for Sean. ←I was sure he likes me. STILL A SPUNK.

Saturday 14/12/85

I’m boiling.Today I concentrated on (& got) mima’s letter written. Was quite boring….About Green Is, tomorrow, dunno much. I’m taking Beka & Justine in. Dunno anything else. Will have to ring Justine in the morning. Jeezus – IS HOT. Watching Countdown this arvy (& Wham!’s new unreeeal clip) Andrew Ridgeley (with his new short crop cut) reminded me so much of Sean…. I think I’ve taken a liking to him again…… Watched the movie – is now11:00. Nite!

Sunday 15/12/85

PHEWEE!! I’m burnt again! Except a bit more – I didn’t wear a shirt cos’ the only other person to come besides Justine, me, Lucy & Beek, was S. Poor Shane! on his own – but I don’t think he minded that much. Boy is it hot! We got there 11:30. We swam sunbaked for about 1/3hr then got lunch at about 1:30-2:00 Spent the rest of the arvy (till 3:45) in the water. Bet I’ll peel again, too. Went back to Justine’s (instead of home) to have a swim. Lucy & I walked home around 6:45, Got home around 7:10 – dusk. Big dinner (the Bests were here) I am HOT!! & very tired – “exhausted” Pity no one else came. OH well!! Late nite.