A Life in Words

Abandonment, Rejection & “Skin-Deep Crankiness” (7-13 October)

Published on October 7, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 7/10/85

I HATE SCHOOL Lucy’s definitely (100% sure) she’s going to boarding school next year. Megan (Anna’s friend’s) 100% sure she’s off to Sydney & FIONA is 99% sure she’s going to CAIRNS HIGH. [Uh-oh, abandonment issues] She says it’s because the subjects here are stupid. At Cairns High she wants to do German or Geography. She could easily do them here (I checked tonite) She went to the optometrist at lunchtime. Anna’s & Fi’s mum’s Birthdays today. Still Ratshit weather. Didn’t do any HW – xept science tonite. 8 weeks this semester for us – 10 for others. Kim wants to come on the Mulgrave Camp now. Hope she can get in & be put in my group. I need some ‘friend’. [Definite fear of the Unfamiliar. While I really enjoy my own company now, I have to admit there are things I still dislike doing on my own.]

Tuesday 8/10/85

Anna & Fiona rode today. Fiona said “Anna organised it.” and Anna said “I forgot all about you..” Nice, huh? So I minded the usual seat only to find no one got on. They never tell me anything so to get back at ‘them’ the only way I can, I’ll not tell them anything I do/get etc. [Oh the vengeance!] Kim isn’t in group 3 but she’s in the camp after all (group 1) Had another meeting today (unscheduled) to sort out menus “once and for all”. We’re buying as a group but I’m going to bring lots of my own stuff. Still haven’t got my periods. Mum said they delay when you worry, so I’m trying not to. [One of my earliest lessons about how Stress can affect you physically.] If I get them any later than Mon. I’m in trouble

Wednesday 9/10/85

Gord, this week’s going slow. Were gonna ride today (Anna, Fi & me) but Fi rang in the morning to say they were both too tired. I’m sick of school already. I want it to go fast. I wanna stay at dad’s this weekend, again – to work & also for the places to go out for Fun in the Sun events (Oktoberfest) [I was such a conflicted creature – so socially driven and yet painfully shy] He said I can work – but nothing about staying over. Mum’s at a National Trust Meeting. Geoff rang suddenly at 7:00 to tell her. Poor woman, she’s sick/ill. Did all HW today. Still haven’t started any assignments – I find it hard to work on them on weekdays, unless under pressure. Gosh I think I’ll get a bigger diary next year.

Thursday 10/10/85

Anna & Colleen are having a joint birthday party. Colleen’s inviting her friends – Fran, Nikki, Trudi etc & Anna’s inviting hers – Polly, Jemima, Fiona. Goes to show who she really likes doesn’t it? The worst thing is they’re trying to hide the fact that Fiona & Jemima are invited & I (and the others) aren’t. [Feeling a good deal of rejection this week All lending to my inferiority complex.] I think Lucy notices too. (She was being extremely nice to me on the bus.) Exams start on the 20th Nov. Break up on the 29th. Come back on the 5th Dec to get our Junior Certificates. Fiona was strangely↔acting today. Prob’ly shitty with me about something. Week is going still so slow. Wanna work & spend weekend at dad’s. I have soooo many assignments – not funny

Friday 11/10/85

Watched 2 TV movies tonight The first was a (sad) love story. BEAUTIFUL!! And the late one was a comedy – all right. Have now 2 History assignments, 2 english & a BP – (5) in all. SHIT! Drive me bonkers! Woke early this morning – slept badly last night – hot, woke every time I rolled over I think!! This morning when I left the house for school after Julia; I glanced over at the park and saw a tall, dark-haired figure walking across to Mark’s NEVILLE lives in Cassowary St now. OH no! I caught up to Julia, but she didn’t see him. On the bus, when we passed their stop (I had described him to her) she saw him and went ‘Err!’ & screwed up her face. Don’t blame her – he’s ugly. Also had my viewing/listening english test. Yuk mucked it up

Saturday 12/10/85

Feel not too tired, but there is crankiness lurking skin-deep. Dad came around 9:15. At work today did about 5¾hrs on & off + 49 drums so I got $35.25 Dad can’t afford to give me the money now (so he says) but he’ll have it to me “by Thurs or Fri..” There’a new electric typewriter at work, too. I couldn’t stop mucking ’round with it. FUN! But it tried tapping into it’s memory bank etc but very unsuccessfully. [Now what the hell would I have wanted to do that for?] At Dad’s just watched TV. The movie was good. Is about 10:45. We have to get up & make brekky so we can get to the Octoberfest early in the morning. Didn’t go tonite cos Dad & Jenny were too tired. I am too. I think I need some solid 8HRS sleep

Sunday 13/10/85

I’ve got THEM! Yes, I’m soooo relieved!! I thought I had no hope left – was even thinking to myself “skip one, skip one, skip…” but now all is well! GREAT!! Today was boring. At dad’s woke around 7:30-45 and had to make dad’s brekky at 8:30. Everyone (except me (& Jackie went to the shop – hideout’) worked in the garden, then Dad, Jenny & me drove down & had a swim at the beach (quickly) Went to Oktoberfest around 1:00. I ATE SO MUCH – 2 hotdogs & 2 pastries & 2 drinks (went home around 6:30) then had ¼ pie for tea [if I guess correctly, that’d be a quarter of a family sized meat pie] + choccy ice cream – VOMIT. [That doesn’t mean I actually did spew of course. I couldn’t be bulimic if I tried…and I did try at some stage but tickling my tonsils never resulted in a ‘solid rewards’. I had – and kinda still do have – an Iron Gut.] I’m gunna start rope skipping in the arvy’s to lose weight. At the Festival – hardly anyone there really boring – Jackie had to go in “PERFECT MATCH” and she won!! This fat (well not really) & ugly (YES!) guy of 20 yrs is her date to the Pacific International Hotel Restaurant POOR GIRL

Happy Birthday Mum

Published on October 1, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

It’s painful looking at this picture. It physically hurts. To think this beautiful little girl should have been turnings 69 years of age today, but she never made it. The big C, the very same disease that is taking so many other lives, ended hers just months after her 68th birthday. I’d never imagined, never dreamed that she would’ve left this world that early. She wasn’t a party girl, at all. She lived as cleanly as any other, with whatever health information is available out there to the Average Joe.
So what hurts is knowing that that little body ended up so inflamed that its immune system couldn’t win the fight. Granted, it wouldn’t’ve helped having an autoimmune disease (rheumatoid arthritis). I suppose she was already “on the back foot”, so to speak.
It hurts but it’s also frightening. Just how toxic is this modern world? Mum was born in 1944. Where in the years between then and now did this happen? Cancer has always existed but it seems to me that its prevalence may have been kept in check because our environment (both internal and external) was never as toxic as it has become in the past century.

Mum had been a smoker. She hadn’t touched a cigarette for over ten years before she passed away, but the damage was well and truly done in the twenty-five years prior to that. Well before her death, she knew – we all knew – that “Smoking Kills” but I believe it is by far the most toxic, most inflammatory choice you can make. I recently heard a cardiologist, Dr Ross Walker, state that one cigarette triggers 3 trillion free radicals in your bloodstream. There’s no way I could begin to calculate the total of free radicals mum would have ‘triggered’ in her bloodstream – from smoking alone – during my life, let alone prior.

And she bore me and my sister from that inflamed internal environment? What does that mean for us, our individual immune systems? Billions of humans brought into this world since the middle of the last century have potentially begun “on the back foot” as well, whether their parents smoked or not. Passive smoking aside, environmental toxins have increased dramatically – or so the pro-climate change scientists would purport and the internal environment has never before been so heavily bombarded by the chemicals in our heavily processed food, pharmaceuticals, miscellaneous drugs and alcohol; the contraindications of significantly less movement, more sitting and Stress.

If there’s one thing mum’s death has brought me, it’s an added depth of intensity to my passion for health. If there’s a present I could give to her today, it’s to promise to continue encouraging individuals to change their lives, potentially better their chances for longer lives, through better lifestyle choices.

Kuranda, Mission Beach & a Kick Up the Bum (30 September-6 October)

Published on September 30, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 30/9/85

A Life in Words — Tourist train to Kuranda

My sore throat is still present. I have a little mucus problem, too. Also when I rode with Fi today I got some headaches. When I rang Jenny (dad didn’t answer first) she said what I have sounds a lot like wot dad’s got & he’s not feeling even 90% Watched TV today. Fi rang about 12:30. Beka, Julia, her & I are going to Kuranda tomorrow. Yes, I still will get mum brekky in the morning. She has to work tomorrow, anyway. So Fi & I rode to Freshy Connection & got details, then to Beka’s to give her the details (stayed there over 1½hrs! Had a frenzy too) Will wake around 5:30 tomorrow (before mum) to prepare her meal. Train comes back (last train) at 3:00, so I’ll have time to make her birthday cake, dinner &/or dessert! (Hopefully!) It’s a pity Geoff won’t be there tomorrow. She’s quite (she will be) upset about that.

Tuesday 1/10/85

MUMMY’S B’DAY!!

Boy, do I feel terrible. SPLITTING headache – no sore throat – but a cough – when I breathe in, it “tickles” me & I must cough. No GOOD for my headache…WOE!! Woke at 5:30 to get mum her tea & toast and breakfast but she was already awake so went sent her back to bed. We also made our beds & hers, & unstacked the dishwasher only to find that it wasn’t a clean load! Orr! At Kuranda, it was boring (things to do) but was fun (we laughed & joked all the time.) Fairly neat weather – most of us got pink on the shoulders (Anna came too). Am sooo tired – just been to Pizza Hut for mum’s B.day tea. Feel even sicker now

Wednesday 2/10/85

Didn’t leave til 5:45pm for Mission Beach. Lucky that we got here at all. Mum went to work – we watched TV most of the day. Julia doesn’t want to be here. I’m starting to regret it, too. Just little things which annoy me. But tonight I “got wat was coming to me” according to Geoff. He blew ME up for making noise, being inconsiderate etc & gave me a hefty, hard kick up the bum (arse) it hurt. [Wow, in this day and age that’d be almost criminal. Any wonder I never grew fond of him.] He thinks he’s so cool, well he’s a shithead. Anyway got here thru rainstorms etc. Hope weather fines up. Stupid package Ian only sent yesterday no wonder it’s not here. But the ship is only leaving on Sunday now! [I have absolutely NO idea what this is about. No idea who Ian was, what the package may have been, and how there is a ship connected to it all. That’s pretty ‘funny’.]

Thursday 3/10/85

Windy & overcast today. Went to beach – came (almost) straight back cos’ was very windy & not sunny. Had a few showers, but nothing heavy. Slept terribly last night. Woke coughing. Have now got my sore throat again as well as the cough. But woke & couldn’t get back to sleep (hysterical coughing fits) Finally did, only to wake around 6:00. TOO BAD. Went for a walk to Tam O Shanter. [At that time, Tam O’Shanter was THE resort in Mission Beach – the only one. So we went to check out the Luxury.] (Long) Got a big (intense) headache. Lazed around arvy. Went to pub for tea. Geoff got shitty – tough with me again. Even mum told him to “Lay off”. [I actually remember this moment. She wasn’t confrontational, so this reaction is a great example of her maternal protective instinct. Maybe it was moments like this that led to my belief that their relationship failed because mum always put us – my sister & I – first?] OH well. Early nite. I hope the air mattress doesn’t go flat again. Julia’s sleeping on it too now.

Friday 4/10/85

↑ It did. [That is, the air mattress. Did deflate!] Woke up, had brekky & left. No last goodbyes, no visit to the beach; just packed up & left around 10:45. Took awhile to get to Whiterock. Stopped in at the Dunstan’s & spent about 3hrs there. Then at home had takeaway tea. Justine rang & I missed her so I rang her back at 7:05 She asked me to go to the movies (to get to her place no later than 7:40) Got there around 7:35. Saw BACK TO THE FUTURE unreal & (believe-it-or-not) at the odeon cinema we actually got another movie with it. [The Odeon Cinema and Cinema Capri were the only movie theatres in Cairns at that stage, and the Odeon was the larger of the two. It had been the first cinema to drop the ‘double-billing’, the Cinema Capri maintained it for longer in order to continue attracting patrons.] FLETCH. The one “State Affair” [unsure if that actually was ‘state’ – couldn’t decipher my handwriting, and it seems strange because I don’t ever recall a programme or anything by that name. But that doesn’t mean anything either – my memory isn’t brilliant] has been raving about. Both TOP movies. Excellent. Loved ’em! UNREAL!! 1 problem today: haven’t got my periods yet they were due Wed. Hope I don’t get ’em on the camp

Saturday 5/10/85

Woke early – rang dad. Spent morning cleaning my room, doing leftover HW & fixing up my noticeboard. (looks good, I think!) Then, around 1:30, 2:00 had a bath & packed for dad’s. Went to the 1st inaugral Boat Show. (dad was selling raffle – “art union” – tickets for the King Quest.) at around 4:30. [The local annual festival in Cairns, then called “Fun in the Sun”, used to crown a ‘King’ each year. I can’t remember whether you self-nominated or not, nor whether the winner was literally “people’s choice’ or chosen by a ‘committee’.] Was boring – but fun! Saw Tim’s friend gary S. Stayed till about 9:30 Drizzly, windy ‘n’ cold. At Dad’s watched the late movie & Anthony, Jacki, Julia & I talked till about 1:30. Fun Day. 1 GLORIOUS DAY LEFT [of holidays]

Sunday 6/10/85

Woke around 8:00, I think, but dozed untill I ‘awoke’ to the sounds of the James Hardie 1000 on TV. [Now called simply the ‘Bathurst 1000’, Dad watched this ritualistically every year. But then, I suppose the majority of Aussie blokes do.] Just watched that all morning up untill about 2:30-3:00 when we finally went back in to the Boat Show. This year’s Fun Run was so Stupid. [The ‘Fun in the Sun” Fun Run, that is] Such pooR organisation (dad was commentator.) I saw David S (he did well) & his brother & father & Glen C & John C. I think he might find me “attractive” (believe it or NOT) when I looked at him, he’d often be looking at me. And not only today. All other times in the past, too. he’s nice! After, got a hot dog. Sat for awhile, then left. Got home around 7:15. Watching movie (shouldn’t) umah

INXS, Puff Paints & An Old Wives’ Tale (23-29 September)

Published on September 23, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 23/9/85

Got to work late started labelling at 9:45. Worked most of day Earned $33.50. Getting the INXS ticket tomorrow!! will be great! Rang Jemima: We’re taking her (Oh! & Fiona after all) sorry, them in & they’re taking me home. Justine rang. I think she understood I hope. I feel bad in a way. Stayed up late to watch the good Monday night shows. Is 11:30 now. Am tired. Can’t think of anything else so Nite Nite!

Tuesday 24/9/85

INXS was great!! NO – TOPS. Reels were stupid. But INXS were brilliant. Played all or most songs – minus “Original Sin” + new ones too. Got right up the front again. My ears are ringing now – they’re not so deaf anymore. My legs & back were so sore. Polly’s boyfriends friends Adam G (y’know him) & Benji & others. Benji was NICE! Think he liked me – probly me imagination. Today just wrote out ’84 diary between watching TV, fooling with Julia and (of course) eating. Is now 11:15 & I am tired. Got to line [queue for the concert] at 4:00! Got in a 5:40 But were very near front of cue (Mima was 3rd to get it!) Mmm, yes – Benji was nice. (Polly tried to set him up with – Anna likes him.) But he’s YR9 → I think.

Wednesday 25/9/85

My left ear is still ringing!!! Woke up & right one was clear but left was blocked & ringing. Has unblocked but is still ringing. Wonder how that happens? Scientifically, I mean. Will ask Mr Howard at school. [If I did ask him, I have forgotten what the answer was. But a quick Google search just now reveals that, basically, the ‘stereocilia’ (within the cochlea) become damaged and mistakenly continue sending sound information to auditory nerve cells.] Rang Jenny. there’s NO work for me, so I’m going to town on Friday (because) we’re going to mission beach on Mon, Tues & Wed & mum’s b’Day is on Tues.) & will walk to work & borrow some money off dad [for Mum’s birthday present]. Mima & Fi are coming (I think.) Rang them & they’re both quite sure. Mum’s at National Trust Meeting. Watched TV today & wrote out 1984 diary & ate & ate …. Mum got me some puff paints for Tshirts. Are terrific!! Also mum went for a job interview. Was turned down but the (nice) guy said she had all the talents & qualifications to do it. OH WELL!

Thursday 26/9/85

Mima’s not coming to town (But Fi still is.) she has to go to the block at Tinnaburra. Too bad. Anyhow, I asked her if (or mentioned that) she’d set up a date for a day to Green Is or something. Said that’d be fine. But now we’re not going to Mission Beach till Thurs cos’ geoff has to go away. Everything is so rushed. (Today I did like I normally do – ate, watched TV but didn’t continue rewriting my ’84 diary,and lazed around – getting fat. Mucked around with make up too. That was fun.) Played Trivial Pursuit. I got fed up with all the hard Q’s I got when Geoff, Mum & Julia got easy ones, so I left – Julia took my place. [Sook!] Geoff won. I’m tired – hafta catch the 9:00 so nite, nite!

Friday 27/9/85

Am buggered! In town, I got $50 from dad [for mum’s birthday present] & he said to get something from him so in town I dragged Fi around – not knowing what to get at all. So I eventually got a $30 voucher from sussans, and a bread knife from me, & a wooden bead necklace from Sportsgirl & a $7 voucher for Robyn’s. Hope she likes it. [The bread knife gift has an unpleasant parallel memory for me. It was only about four years ago Mum asked me, as she always did, what I wanted for my birthday or for christmas. The majority of the time I had no idea what to tell her, but this particular time I had in mind “a really good, sharp, proper kitchen knife”. When the gift giving time came, she just handed me some money, explaining an “old wives’ tale” about gifting knives: something along the lines of giving a knife can sever the relationship between the two people involved. I don’t recall her being overly superstitious but I think she grew ‘conscious’ of things such as this the older she got. She definitely ‘softened’ with age; she began to get teary when dropping me off at the airport.] At home (we caught a lift with mum) I lazed around. Suddenly overcome with fatigue. Watched TV. Made or have started to make a notice board from cardboard box. Went to Di & Kerry’s for drinks to give Trent his prezzy. Ate so much junk today too.

Saturday 28/9/85

Just been to a BBQ party. Was little boring & quite cold. Mum had a jumper lucky devil. Funny conversations! Some (one) spunky guy there – bit old for me tho’. Looked about 19 or 20. Smokes & drinks. Today, spent most finishing off the ’84 diary. Got it finished just as we were leaving for BBQ. Also made the notice board from cardboard (box). Painted it today – but I’ll need to put thin white card/paper over it cos you can see all the bend marks, etc. Woke early but made myself sleep in. Is about 12:20 now. Am not tired but I s’pose once the light goes out, I’ll go “out”!

Sunday 29/9/85

Guess what? My periods are due the day we leave for Mission beach – Wednesday. Great, uh? Finished totally my ’84 diary & burnt the original. Also, with my notice-board I stuck white (thin) cardboard over the top. Still want to put black (or some coloured) trimmings on it before hanging it up. ← Dunno how I’ll do that yet, either. Haven’t got any pins for it either. OH well… Watched a bit of TV. Am a little sick. Have sore throat, feel tight chested – thick mucus wall up my throat. Voice is affected. Mum thinks Larangitus. probably. worst in nite-time & mornings. I squeezed 4 or 5 oranges for my throat this morning. Ate quite little no snacks besides 3 choccy biccys & a frenzy cone for arvy tea. Is 10:30. I’ll go to sleep now.

Mediterranean Roast Vegetable Salad

Published on September 16, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Ingredients:

Roasting Veg (in amounts preferred by you!):

beetroot / pumpkin / zucchini / red onion / tomato / capsicum / eggplant

Olive oil

Balsamic Vinegar

Baby Spinach or Rocket

Feta, crumbled or diced

Pine Nuts, toasted or not

Method:

Pre heat oven to 200ºC and chop veggies to preferred size. Coat lightly in olive oil* then bake for 30-40 minutes (depending upon how well you like your veg cooked) gently turning or ‘agitating’ them once or twice. In a screw top jar, make the dressing by adding vinegar & oil in a ratio of approximately 1:2.

To serve, toss veggies on a bed of spinach or rocket, add the feta and sprinkle over pine nuts. Add dressing and voila!

Notes:

Yes, this recipe’s directions are a LOT more blasé than others, because I constantly alter it. Even cooking temps and times differ substantially between recipes I have followed in the past: oven temperatures range from 190-220ºC and cooking times from a mere 20 minutes, to 45 minutes! It pays to check your veggies progress (but not so often that you are losing heat from the oven!) Experiment not just with the vegetable choices, but also the cheese & nuts. I’ve used Parmesan before, and chopped walnuts. You could also add minced garlic or honey to the dressing for tasty variations. Anyway you do it, make sure you choose a variety of coloured veggies and add some protein: cheese, nuts, ….imagine some tender lamb! Scrumptious.

* While I don’t like to cook with olive oil as a general rule (the heat destroys the goodness in it by altering its molecular structure) my usual choice – coconut oil – is a little at odds with these flavours. A better choice in this instance would be rice bran oil, since it better withstands heat, like coconut oil. Olive oil is of course AOK (& most suitable!) for the dressing.

A Mauve Outfit, a White Swimsuit & an Inferiority Complex (16-22 September)

Published on September 16, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 16/9/85

NO tests. Mrs B drove us home today (Anna, Jay, me & Fi) cos’ she does voluntary work here (at skool) when Julia got home, we drove into town. Walked around.Worst luck imaginable. All the shews [me being deliberate in my misspelling here, sometimes for phonetic reasons] I liked (weren’t many) were either not in ~~that~~ (my) size or colour. Then, I couldn’t find any shirts or anything. Didn’t do any Homework. Am just bugared. [Actually, I have only just realised how much I use this word, which has a much different meaning to the general public! In our family it was a standard term to describe being very, very tired or exhausted, not unlike the other ‘awkward’ expression some use; “rooted”. Is this Australian slang only?] Can’t wait for the holidays. Eventually (finally handed my selection sheet in) I chose chemistry out of that & economics. Someone told Fi it was just like history so I’m definitely not going to do it. Last nite I dreamed about Tim. I flirted with him. He liked my eyes. Was beautiful. [ ..the dream, the scenario or the guy?] Today Fi told us about her dream that she’d failed english test – said her dreams came true. Wished mine would. I have no chance really. [Great Liss, a lot of compassion shown there to your good friend, by lack of commiseration!]

Tuesday 17/9/85

Very late night. German dinner was fun. Got a new shirt from Ambition colourful almost exactly what I wanted and ($30) Diana Ferrari shoes leather ($40) Am happy. At German dinner went for a walk around Woree. Feet a bit sore but no blisters. Was quite fun – not excellent. Guess what! Adrienne & Erica want us to ride to school with them on Friday. I don’t believe it And we’re s’posed to go to the beach after school together. FUN! [Well I clearly felt a social hierarchy at school. My reaction to this invitation reminds me of the Hollywood teen flicks where the Geeks get sucked into nasty pranks by students of the ‘upper echelon’. Of course, this never existed in my time at Smithfield High – at least not to my knowledge or in my personal experience. Erica actually lived in Freshwater and had attended the same primary school as us anyway. I suppose in my eyes she ‘fell in’ with the ‘right people’ once we began high school.]

Wednesday 18/9/85

Quite boring today actually. Ate quite more than I used to (ie when I cut out snacks) In other words I had a big snack this arvy which was NOT NECESSARY. [passive-aggressive self reprimand?] What’ll I wear to the free dress day? I have no clue at all. Shorts? Wot? Went to art room at lunch & finished off my work there. Then went back to L Block & started ach.[achievement] test. Art test tomorrow & maths extension. (Wanna get a hair cut, too.) Got maths back yesterday & guess – 26½/30. I couldn’t BELIEVE IT! Still I deserved it cos I studied. English however 6½/10 & 5½/10 for english response. Umah. Today’s BP test (exam) was easy but I didn’t study enough theory, I don’t think. Am bugared. Nite!

Thursday 19/9/85

Got 61/65 for BP & Art I found stupid but once I started I felt quite pleased with the results. Maths extension test was easy, but I’ve made careless mistakes set. mark is 20-22/30. Went & got hair cut (is much better – keeps out of my eyes) and after went to KMart; found nothing so went to Earlville. Got a great new purple (mauve) skirt & top (earrings too) for $30. Almost lost $20. Almost lost suit to another woman – who picked it up after I tried it on – luckily she didn’t buy it. Went back to KMart to see Dad. (selling tickets) Went home. Have to have my camp menu in tomorrow. I quickly wrote out my choices 2nite but will probably change. Teachers are only going to refrigerate our meat, so I might have to buy a mini eski for my salad, milk, cheese, butter, yogurt & poppers. Also Asked Mr Carter. if I could swap into group 2 said no. I don’t mind. Gotta go to sleep now.

Friday 20/9/85

Rode slowly (I thought) but still beat the buses. Did no work; was a total BLUDGE! Almost wagged german but sprung by Bancroft (lied & got out of it). Art exam 8½/10 Maths 28/30 Excellent! I freaked! Riding home, Erica & Adrienne went to Smithfield Heights to see a friend said they’d catch up to us. Didn’t tho’. I left Fi at Railway Stn, went to shop & bought lollies. Nana came round. She left & we went to Mandy’s. Heath talks a lot now & Matthew is so big. Night at home. Just watching TV. Going to town tomorrow.

Saturday 21/9/85

Doesn’t even feel like the holidays! Went to town with Justine & Kim (her braces are off – looks nice!!) when I got on bus, sat next to Erica and talked to her until Kim got on. In town walked around – I tried on togs & found a really nice pair of white ones which actually “strengthened” my figure. Didn’t look at the price. Pigged out at Sunny Oven Bakery – had a huge slice of Vanilla slice. [I always seemed to go the vanilla slice. I think it’s because I’ve always had a ‘thing’ for custard.] At home – quickly changed & rode to Justine’s. We sunbaked for a little while, then swam, had lunch (watched grandstand – they all taught me the rules etc.) [Not sure what that was, but have a feeling it was something to do with Australian Rules Football, which was foreign to most Queenslanders. Queensland was – and still is so far as I know – a ‘Rugby League state’ in terms of football codes] & swam again. Rode home. People here. Thought they’d stay for tea but didn’t. Is now 12:50. Just finished Trivial Pursuit I WON for once!! YAY!! Mima works in Kaffa – we saw her. She asked me if I was going to the INXS concert. told her I might & she said “well ring me cos no one else wants to go. THAT’S A CHANGE. huh?!! [I clearly held the perception that I wasn’t an important figure in her life, and that in a respect she was of an upper class socially as well – even though she attended a different school. I think I had always ‘idolised’ her, despite having been friends with her for almost a decade by this stage!] doesn’t even feel like the hol’s – YES it does!

Sunday 22/9/85

Today I did nothing – mostly I read the play book nana gave me, watched a little TV & cont’d writing out my 1984 Diary. Dunno if I’ll fit it in the book. [I did!] Ate little, but quite frequently & it was choccy buscuits or smarties or ice cream etc which is terrible. Did I tell you when I was in town yesterday I tried on some white togs which really looked good? Forgot to look at price. There was a blue pair cut legs up to waist made my torso & stomach look lovely but not my legs. [Oh the 80’s! High, high cut gym and swimwear, but low-slung & drop-waisted clothing!] Gonna work tomorrow. Played Triv. Pursuit (T.P.) again. Not too late 2night. Every time I write in this diary (or any) I feel it my duty to fill each page up. I do alright huh?!! In fact, I need more room – [Not wrong there. Almost every entry spills over onto the next day’s space, which in turn pushes the next day’s on, and so on. This transcription involves a fair bit of page-turning.]

Subject Choices, Exams & Equal Pay (9-15 September)

Published on September 9, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 9/9/85

Soooo tired today. Couldn’t stop yawning. 1st, 2nd & 3rd periods were spent with approximately 150 other YR10’s in L1 & 2 making subject choices, counting numbers etc, that was boring & uncomfortable since Justine wanted to share my chair with her big bum. Fiona left at Big Lunch for the Doctors. Beka missed ¾ maths at guidance officer & (Lucy was away) Anna went home with her mum so Julia sat next to me on the bus. Asked Mrs Stevensen about Accounting. She’s pleased I’m continuing. [That’s right! I’d totally forgotten I had considered becoming an Accountant. Oh how glad I am that that idea left me. I’d never have kept up with the most complex tax system in the world…or would have died of boredom first?] My final choice would have been 7 subjects: Maths I & II, English, Bio, Chem, Art & Accounting. Can’t have 7 tho. I’ll haft drop Maths II I think.

Tuesday 10/9/85

Didn’t get English done, so didn’t get it handed in…. not that it mattered cos’ Mr Van didn’t demand it. Got upset (very) this arvy trying to do it. English exam tomorrow, so won’t have to hand it in then either. German was quite easy. Think I’ve done well. Riding tomorrow – going to the beach for an hour in PES (lunch & 6th period.) 7 of us – Just, Beka, Fi, Sharon D. & Kim (& me) We’ll run late I reckon. Late night. Just watched last part of “princess Daisy”. Happy ending. Is 10:30 nite nite!

Wednesday 11/9/85

English test was hard. I am bugared. Mum went to National Trust Meeting. I felt like going, too. Stupid me! There was nowhere to go to sleep. Today at the beach was fun – but hardly long enough. Got a little pink on the face – full stop. Didn’t miss any History (pity) cos got back earlier than expected. Most of us had showers. I have a headache. The ride to school was good & so was it on the way home, however Justine & Kim were so slow. Along Lower Freshy I dropped from first to last. My knees were about to give way. I was quite pooped. Kim & Justine came in for a drink & to see the House. Mum likes Kim. [why wouldn’t she?!] Still haven’t done my English poem. He’ll kill me.

Thursday 12/9/85

Boy, was I dog-tired today. Mr Van didn’t say anything in english (thank God) but we read from poetry books instead. I actually did it this arvy!! [Assuming ‘it’ is the poem I’d hitherto been unable to verse] (I had to use a poem, y’know change the words [er, isn’t that called plagiarism Liss?]… will fix up grammar in the morning ‘n’ write it out at school. Is 9:30. Have just finished revising maths. I will be confident!! I hope! Got 28/30 for Ger. writing & 14/15 reading. Did listening test today. Am gonna dad’s Saturday night cos’ mum’s going to Townsville. Will work with dad stay the night & come home on Sunday.

Friday 13/9/85

Didn’t do too bad in maths test – but made careless errors. Know I don’t have full marks – prob’ly 26 /no! Won’t get my hopes up – say, hopefully around 22/30 more (I hope) but… in german got 11/15 for listening, so my total out of 60 is 53. Quite good! Have now (next week) only BP, Maths (anudda one) & practical art tests left. Must study a lot this weekend. Got a fair amount of HW done. Mr Howard said he thinks I’d cope with doing Chem & Bio (I forgot to bring my selection sheet back today – big trouble!!….) It’s now a toss up between Chem & Economics. – I dunno. Oh shit! Mum won’t be here in the morning – Hope we’re awake in time for dad.

Saturday 14/9/85

Mum left quite late this morning. I was too tired to wave goodbye. [This ‘waving goodbye’ is a family ‘tradition’ of ours. I think it was borne of an old courtesy, something like seeing someone to the door, but also – and especially within the family circle – being about sending love…as if there was the possibility that it could be the last time you’d ever see them again. It’s not a habit I have kept to the same extent as my father, mother & sister, who often stand right outside and wave until you pull away in your car (or sometimes until you are out of sight!). I’ll walk you to the door or the gate but I will turn and head back inside after the final wave or parting word.] I woke again at 7:00. Packed etc (made beds) Dad was late. At work did hardly anything but earned $20. Had to work with Jacki, see she worked when she felt like it & when she stopped I had to otherwise I would’ve done more than her and only been paid the same amount. [My sense of fairness has always been strong.] Ended up that she wasn’t (measuring the stuff out) properly. At flat, watched TV, scratched “BP” petrol cards 251 of them! Had a late tea – late nite – we played Trivial pursuit. Julia shitty – she’s homesick. thinks dad’s ignoring her. I Ate too much. Jaqui went out. Anthony bombed out. Slept restlessly.

Sunday 15/9/85

Woke last night briefly when Jackie came home probably 3-4:00 in the morning. I dunno. Everyone slept in. I read (started to read) a book. Had 2 pieces toast & bacon for brekky at about 10:00 in the morning. Went home at 12:00. Stopped for a Frenzy met Gloria – Peta & Marney’s aunt. Still looks so young! Also saw P’s. They left as we came. Mrs P didn’t give me a 2nd look. Good. Stupid bitch (they all are.) [For those who haven’t been following these diaries for very long, the hostility expressed here derived from a ‘bullying’ incident in the past. See the post entitled “Bullying & a New Heart Throb”.] At home, didn’t study at all. Had a water fight with Jules then sunbaked (unsuccessfully) Nana came over. Watched TV. She was reluctant to leave us on our own. Wen she went – I had a bath – began shaving; power went off. Came back on just as I’d dragged out the lamp (& found it had no batteries anyway) Had tinned dinner. Mum came home 7:15. (Nana rang before that to check on us. Must admit I did get a little worried for awhile – but that’s just my Cancerian nature!) [My grandmother was also Cancerian, so her over-protectiveness stemmed from her ‘natural’ propensity to worry as well.] Late-ish nite 9:30. Last week this WEEK! YO!

Sinus, Class Photos & Lip Gloss (2-8 September)

Published on September 2, 2013 by Elissa Coxen2 Comments

Monday 2/9/85

Can’t wait for camp. Uh…yes I can … I still have lotsa weight to lose & a tan (an even tan) to get. I asked Fran about Adrienne McA – she thinks she’s in group 3. Anyhow, was warm today, went quickly (the day I mean.) Didn’t do much HW ie, did HW but didn’t study etc. Should start soon. Late night. 10:30 now. Watched “Clive James – At home.” the equivalent to Mike Walsh. Is funny!! Cold, now too. Want to sleep well. Mum’s not going to send that letter (good.) she feels better, just for writing it. Hopes it’ll blow over. [This is a good and yet a not-so-good thing. Avoiding unnecessary drama is definitely positive but ‘hoping’ something will ‘blow over’ is almost asking for trouble in the future. This is the perfect example of how my sister and I were (unconsciously) conditioned to become non-confrontational.] Cold is still bugging me → mum thinks it’s sinus. Probably. German dinner on 17th Sept. (Tuesday) AT Alpine Chalet. FUN!!

Tuesday 3/9/85

Gosh today went quick!! School photos – stupid!! The wind was blowing everyone’s hair back from their faces (- I took my plate out, of course!) which looked ridiculous & ugly! [Because it’s so attractive to have hair ON your face? I think what might have upset me more when I actually got this photo was the way the wind billowed my blouse, making me look either too buxom or worse; fat.] Laughed alot today (feel good for that.) also got my periods. Is supposed to be 11º C tonight – was cold last night (just as well I took that blanket to bed!) I’m all bundled up tonight! Am tired. Is 10:30. Watched new mini-series “Princess Daisy” is good I think. Last part next week. Fiona’s ringing me tomorrow to tell me if she feels like riding or not. Don’t know even if I’ll feel like it

Wednesday 4/9/85

Went to doctors. Dr D. prescribed some $15 drug in a spray pack for my nose. [‘Beconase’ was the corticosteroidal nasal spray I was prescribed. I have rather unpleasant memories of tasting it as the excess slid down the back of my throat from my nasal cavities.] Anytime I feel allergies etc It clams me up more. Even plain ole’ Drixine works betta, but he said it’d take more than a day so I s’pose I betta try it. My nose is so sore from blowing, & sticking nasal sprays up it. Poor me. Couldn’t start study cos’ I went to the doctor’s. Will 2morrow if possible. is supposed to be cold again tonight. Really want to save lotsa money, cos’ I got a big list. (Eg I wanna get me a swatch, mum one (for her birthday) & also a clothing gift voucher for her.) Ha!

Thursday 5/9/85

Still didn’t start study for maths. I didn’t know I was such a procrastinater!! I must do it & start soon. Ate alot today. Well, not a lot, but more than just 3 meals. See, nana came round & brought a small bun loaf which had icing & sparkles on it & I ….had….3 pieces. UMAH. So instead of studying I went to the park to try’n’work it off. Neck sore today. has been quite lately. In History it ached cos’ an Aboriginal man (58 yrs old & not one wrinkle) talked to us about life in a mission. [I believe what I would have meant is that I had to crane my neck to see the speaker from whatever position I had in the classroom.] He was a reasonable, great bloke. A caring man. Not like nowaday coons. [Obviously, a shocking sentiment. The slang is bad enough, but the whole sentence screams Racism. The explanation for this statement – which by no means excuses it – is very complex. It was a generalisation, referring to the (alcoholic) Park People, which was all I had witnessed firsthand of Aboriginals in Cairns – apart from fellow students with whom I had no qualms whatsoever. This is clearly a statement founded upon Fear. For now, please remember this was nearly 30 years ago and that kind of attitude was long ago exchanged for Compassion.]

Friday 6/9/85

Glad it’s Friday. Went to town tonight & bought (roll-on) lip gloss – finally – & “coconut” deep tanning lotion. [The old coconut oil tanning lotion! Smelled divine, but as for sun protection? Hahaha.] Hardly anyone in town, let alone anyone we knew. Saw Karen M. & Tania P. at work. Didn’t see Steven. Bus was late to today. Came at 3:30, so got home at 3:50. Normally get home at 3:40. Stupid driver. Bludge day today. I must start study this week end. It will be work, work, work all the time. Full day’s work tomorrow, dad said & then on Sunday – study, HW & english (& other) assignment(s) Is cold again. Wind is up & it rained tonight. Looks like wet has set in.

Saturday 7/9/85

Worked literally all day today:- 6¼hrs labelling + 54 drums cleaned gave me $38.50 but dad thought I was so dilligent that he made it a round $40! Was hard work – back, hand and arm muscles were strained. Dad’s renovating his office – will look or-right! He wanted it finished today, but Jenny drove me home at 6:45 & didn’t look near that! Got home & Geoff & his mum were here. Had tea (dinner) (& 2 helpings of dessert) Watched TV. & the 2 movies that were on tonight. Both comedys. Alright. 2nd one was better. Weather was changeable – sunny/rainy but always windy. Mums going to Port tomorrow. Julia & I’ll stay home. I have to study.

Sunday 8/9/85

Got HW done & revised all maths Ch’s. Mind you – it took all day & I didn’t get to study german or even start my english assignment (due Tues.) so it wasn’t that “profitable” a day. Put on make up in between. [Ah! So you didn’t study solidly?!] Love the lip gloss I’ve got! I just keep using it. At this rate I’ll run out!! (very soon) Weather is still windy, overcast & sometimes rains. Am starting to snack again. Must control myself. Filled week this week: 2 maths test, assignment due & german test. Shit. Mum & Geoff & Mrs M. got home 5:50. Played Triv. Pursuit (my wanting to) but I pulled out first Is now 9:30. Must sleep well.

GF Spinach & Pumpkin Loaf

Published on September 1, 2013 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Ingredients:

100ml milk (I used rice milk)

100gm baby spinach leaves

1 cup buckwheat flour

1 tspn bicarb soda

1 tspn mustard powder

dash Himalayan salt

2/3 cup grated pumpkin

2 eggs beaten

25ml (liquified) coconut oil

2/3 cup grated parmesan cheese

Method:

Place the milk and spinach leaves in a saucepan, cover and place over a medium heat. You are aiming to wilt the spinach in the warm (but not boiled) milk, and the time this can take will vary from stovetop to stovetop, so keep checking (and stirring). Meanwhile, mix the flour, salt, bicarb & mustard powders in a large bowl before adding the grated pumpkin and beaten eggs. Once the spinach has wilted sufficiently in the milk, add to the mixing bowl along with the coconut oil. Mix well before folding in the parmesan cheese. Pour into a greased lined loaf tin, sprinkling extra cheese over the top if you wish and bake for 20-25 minutes at 190ºC.

Notes:

Originally a muffin recipe, I had the idea of a quiche or frittata recipe in mind as well so this loaf ended up super-moist. I cut mine before it had cooled (I always do that – “instant gratification”) grabbed a knife and enjoyed the melting butter on it! Since it solidifies a little more as it cools, it’s not only less crumbly and easier to handle when slicing but may cope well with toppings such as (mashed) avocado…

The Exchange Student & “Having It Off” (26 August -1 September)

Published on August 26, 2013 by Elissa Coxen2 Comments

Monday 26/8/85

I worked at my desk this arvy!! Wasn’t too bad. In fact its good having glue, hole punch, stapler right where you need them!! Could’ve got my HW (and a little extra) done faster, though. Kim, the exchange student, didn’t come to school however only enrolled today, She’ll be here tomorrow. Justine said she’s tall (thank god I’m not the only one, now!!) slim & has hair same colour as Fi’s. [I think my keen interest or curiosity about this exchange student was because she was American. Most probably due to media ‘saturation’, I was slightly in awe of anything American..and believed that anything American had to be more ‘cool’. And what teenager doesn’t want to be Cool?] Julia is nicer now. In the mornings she gets on (beats Sharon M.) & minds Anna’s seat. Am gonna read my book after this to finish part II then I’ll only have VI more!! OH NO!!

Tuesday 27/8/85

Kim is soooo shy. And (at least Sarah &) I know what’s gonna happen: she’ll stick like glue to Justine & justine’s goody-goody ways will rub off on her, so she’ll get a bad name or whatever, And Justine will “show off” about knowing her etc. She reckons that Wade & Allan don’t like her as much because she told them Kim had blonde hair & its dark. Wat a loada crap!! It’s because she’s got braces & is thin as a rake (like anorexic) but she does have beautiful (big) brown eyes. [Everyone’s a Critic!] Has no subjects xept form, science, english & PES in common with me. [None…but four?] Anyhow for me the day was terrible. I forgot deodorant.

Wednesday 28/8/85 MIMA’S B.DAY!!

Boring today. Lotsa people either wagging it or gone to the inter-school carnival. We had to stay at school & “work” Yes: (mostly) work. Kim said on days like these at her school, people would have normal classes but do anything they wanted – Lucky. Went to Mima’s after school. Didn’t get/make a card Told her I’d get one. Got beautiful prezzys – shoes, clothes & things She asked Brent what he wanted for his Birthday – he said “you”. She said “Oh, I’ll come with a big bow on my head” & he said “I want more than that!” He wanted to have it off!! [“Have it off” is wonderfully old-fashioned slang for “have sex”. Ah, so entertaining.] Jemima said she dropped dead on the spot. She’s going to dinner with her family, Brent & his family. Is “shit-scared” about what he’ll get her. Went to Lucy’s after that got my Bday prezzy (chipped’n’cracked) She persuaded me to stay longer than I ought to. Mum is at Geoff’s. We’re on our own. Nite Nite!

Thursday 29/8/85

Had lots of HW. Trust Lucy to come over. She dragged me down to the shop. Saw Jemima. She took us back to Fiona. We met David & wasted time talking. I eventually left. Sooo much HW, Can’t do my maths achievement test. Is upsetting. Nothing worth noting happened today. Oh. Tina also LVS Tim. & he’s still flipped over Addrienne P. so I’ve no chance, huh? Anyway… tomorrow’s Friday thank god. Will study on the weekend & work….

Friday 30/8/85

Looks like I’ll only get 7½hrs sleep at the most tonight. I am bugared!! Will have to wake at 7:30 to get ready for work. Camp meeting today. I’m in Group 3 with no one. I’m in cooking group F with no one. [“no one” of course meaning none of my friends. I was terribly shy – still am somewhat – so being amongst ‘strangers’ was a daunting prospect. I’m always much more comfortable with the ‘Familiar’] lucky me. Always my luck. Anyway, got fair amount of (weekend) HW done, got ready to go to town. Got in there about 6:30 with Justine & her cousin Yasmine (←nice!!) Saw mima & fiona lots, Steven ♥! & Mark M & his “gang”. Felt happy Time went too fast. (Steven didn’t see me) Pity. Anyhow, played Trivial Pursuit at 10:00 when got home. I didn’t finish game (they just have now.) Am too tired.

Saturday 31/8/85

I DON’T WANT TO GO OUT TOMORROW Am angry. But I want to see Dad. Worked today God, am upset & feeling angry. Holding it (forcedly) in. Earned $24.50. Keeping $12.50 want to buy a swatch for the camp. Have decided to ask Mr Carter (good luck) if there is any possible change into another group – but if not, I will enjoy myself & make friends of these people. [Great – rare – Resolve, Elissa] Got home late (4:30) Cos worked all day. AM PROUD OF MYSELF, TOO!! Cos as of yesterday (I did today, too) I did not snack between meals. When I thought I felt hungry I drank & it worked. [Thatta girl! Hang on, drank WHAT? I don’t recall being a huge fan of water when I was younger so this might not be the Win I thought…] Played trivial Pursuit is now 11:50. Am “fucked”

Sunday 1/9/85 FATHER’S DAY

Woke 7:30, Slept till 8:00. Got up & frantically tried to make Geoff a card, but decided I didn’t need to cos he isn’t my father. Couldn’t however, even make dad a card or wrapping paper cos I spent the morning “removing hair” with depilatory creams. Went to Dad’s & gave him his prezzys. Girl from Port with her boyfriend (hoony) entering Miss Australia Quest. Ha! Fat Chance!! Julia stayed there. At home, hurriedly made Geoff a card (didn’t mention Father’s Day) [He was] Shitty when he came. Didn’t “look” at the presents. At Port, mum & I sunbaked for 2hrs. Nothing happened to me. What a waste of time then at 4:00, Geoff wanted to go to the pub. Got home at 5:45. Geoff didn’t pick up his prezzys. Mum’s writing a letter to him saying stop being childish etc. She’s mentioning marriage – which I don’t want. [I don’t actually recall witnessing any ‘disagreements’ between my mother & her partner so this has been an eye-opener for me.]