1986 – Page 4 – A Life in Words

Creativity Block & the Loss of a Sibling (2-8 June)

Published on June 2, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 2/6/86

And BIOLOGY? Well…. I don’t think so at all. The Questions were totally alien to me. I attempted all except 5. (parts of Q’s) Ha! Whadda flop. And I wasted this afternoon too. Caught the 12:00 bus & went to Jemima’s where I watched videos. Bludge waste. SHIT I am stupid. [No, just one helluva Procrastinator] And I’ve got my damn maths I [that’s Maths “1”] exam the day after tomorrow. Holy Hell. I am so tired. Will be absolutely ELATED when my exams are over (saw Mark today – 1st time in 3 days) Got a letter from Lucy (again) She must be really excited – I’ve received so many lately!! God I hate exams. 5 to 10 another late night. I’m gonna flop. OH SHIT. Caught the town bus in later this morning. Wonder if the others are gonna do it again tomorrow?? My art hasn’t been done yet either & I won’t get it done either Poop Damn Shit. I’m all fucked up.

A Life in Words — Belated advice for my younger self.

Tuesday 3/6/86

English was fairly good, as was art but my biology prac. exam … Ha Ha Ha What a laugh (actually it’s not really) I am so stupid. I must have no brains. This will teach me. [Really? You really think so?] Next time I will (must) be prepared. Did a bit of maths tonight but I had to stop – I can’t believe how dumb I am. I can barely do any of it. [Comprehension issues. Can’t recall whether we were into Trigonometry at this stage or not. I didn’t mind Algebra so much but Trig …nuh. Never got it.] Stuffed. Boy will I be glad when tomorrow is over with. But then there’s the last week: getting my marks back. OH NO! (I’m thinking of working on Thursday & Friday as well as Saturday – I want to buy a new shirt or something for the dance next wednesday) Also that art problem is due Friday!! I was so worried→ everyone else had done theirs – I hadn’t. 9:37. Am gone wake earlier than the birds and work like hell.

Wednesday 4/6/86

NO MORE EXAMS! was all I could think about after my maths exam. Who gives a hoot if I failed? Most people did too so Ha! Went to mima’s again after – watched a movie, then went to the shop before speech. Pity. I won’t see Mark for a long time now – 5 days: and then after those 4 school days, for another fortnight or so. BOO HOO. Stuffed maths something severe. But everyone I asked (except Brent) left at least (Cameron McK) 5 Q’s blank – I left about 15 I think Ha Ha SHIT. Oh I’ll miss Mark. Just finished watching Lace II was pretty good! Still, I think I preferred Lace I. Is 10:30 and I can sleep in tomorrow YAY!!

Thursday 5/6/86

Well. Today was a bit of a big waste of time. I woke around 7:15, got a letter from Lucy, replied it & mum sent that. I spent the whole day at home. S’posed to do my art. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested; I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t know what to do at all. [Equivalent to Writer’s Block… is there a phrase for Artists’ lack of inspiration?] And I ate a lot. But I didn’t watch any TV till about 5:30. In fact I was quite bloody board. And amazingly enough, I thought about Mark one hell of a lot today more than I have before. Also read up on his starsign again. Still think we’d be a great pair→ but there are a few disagreeable things→ e.g. he’s s’posed to be STUBBORN. 9:41. And I feel an idiot. Can’t wait till this boring weekend finishes. [5days]

Friday 6/6/86

EAT. That’s practically all I did today too. Didn’t get my art in either. SHIT. Hafta see if she’ll take it on Tuesday. I had started at around 1:30 finally on a good copy (and it looks good so far) but when mum came at 2:30 to take me to school (to hand it in) I had not done anymore on it coz I was stuck. Now I still don’t know what to do. Poop. Anyway. I ate heaps in fact I’m totally disgusted with myself. Also Mark (& Cameron) would’ve left today for baseball in Mackay. Good LUCK! Not one day goes by when I don’t think of Mark. [It’s kind of interesting how all this stuff makes me vomit just a little in my mouth now. It’s not that I’m “hard as nails” now but I’m sure I’m not as ‘soggy’ as I was then.] 11:05. I am tired – movie was funny (kind of) Didn’t watch any TV again tho’ in the day. raining & windy still. I don’t mind→ at least it’s cold!!

Saturday 7/6/86

Boy am I tired. Went out tonight→ to Pizza Hut for tea, then to see “Crocodile Dundee” which, by the way, happens to be the best, funniest most entertaining movie out. I laughed my guts out!! Anyway we got home at 9:30 (early showing – no support movie or shorts) Is now 10:27 and I am stuffed. Today I ate again. Don’t know what’s come over me. Usually I have a ‘fair’ appetite but now I’m “glutton-ish”; eat everything in sight (practically) But I’m so tired. Went to town this morning. Julia spent her birthday money new shoes, beautiful knit jumper & small accessories. Lucky devil. I’d love to have spent $100 there (Sportsgirl) this morning. Pooped! Nite!

Sunday 8/6/86

I woke at 5:00 to mum’s cries of help. The light was on and in the laundry blood covered the floor. Mum was on the toilet. She was MISCARRYING. That was 5:00. By 7:00, she (had finally decided to go to hospital cos she was feeling weak) was in hospital. [Oh my god, the way that’s written it sounds as if she might have driven herself? No mention of an ambulance nor of someone else (Geoff?) taking her… and I can’t remember either. Driving herself would’ve been a huge risk if she was so weak. But mum being as independent as she was, nothing would surprise me.] Julia & I stayed home tidied up the remaining ‘mess’ fixed the house then amused ourselves till about 1:30, when Geoff came & took us to the hospital. Mum looks weak & ill, but she said she was fine but absolutely STARVED. (she was on a drip.) And she had to stay tonight because one surgeon in the whole hospital was there & so didn’t do it today. That’s pathetic. In a hospital that size there should be more than 1 surgeon. Geoff’s staying over (Had fish’n chips for tea) to mind us. Been one heck of a busy day. Only got 6hrs last nite. Lemme sleep now!! 8:35

Desk Dramas & Study Stress (26 May-1 June)

Published on May 26, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 26/5/86

My room’s such mess→ my new desk is still outside!! All my junk’s on the floor. Didn’t finish english essay. Did a bit of maths & a fair bit of chemistry→ can’t understand it.. Anyway, this Wednesday will be a good one: don’t do recreation! We’re gonna go and watch the soccer guys (Mark!♥) play their final. Great! Ate alot this arvy. Fi has a stye (on her eye, y’know). Bus was so full this arvy. Didn’t get a seat! (Till this girl got off on Sheridan Street) so I didn’t stand for long. 9:36. Am tired. Dunno if we’re riding or not (raining today) Could keep up all night. Talk to Cameron a lot lately. Today on way to school bus, in Chem & Maths & off the bus. Julia’s birthday in 4 days. What’ll I get her?

Tuesday 27/5/86

Piss day. Am not talking to mum & Julia. They’re bitches. Got the new desk into my room and is Fucken too big. I told her & she got all worked up. Then [she] tried to fix around everything makin the biggest fuckin mess you’ve ever seen, then cos I got aggro (wouldn’t you? [hmmm]) she left it for me to clean up. Fuckin mole. And Julia pokin her nose in Bitch – dumb bitch. Now she’s got it. Fuckin shit. Fuckin Fits in her fuckin room. I’ve got a fuckin mess in my room, nowhere to put all my junk. Fuckin stupid bitches. HATE THEM. [The bold typeface represents how hard I’d written these words in my diary: scrawled in anger.] Looking at Mark this morning & he looked at me. Skint. Yum Yum 9:15 HATE HER [Wow, big tanty, huge rant! I recently read somewhere that if you’re kids don’t say they hate you at least once, it means you’re not a good parent. This rant shows just how fantastic my mum was ♥ …or my wicked temper…]

Wednesday 28/5/86

Pregnant. 6 weeks. To Geoff. She told me yesterday. [oooookaaaay. That wouldn’t’ve gone down well. I wasn’t keen on mum’s boyfriend and a half-sibling would’ve further cemented his presence in our lives.] Kept up my “not talking” right up until she left for National Trust meeting. She asked about the calculator. [?] Now I talk a little, but am not affectionate. Speech was funny. Jemima really can’t wait to do it with Brent! They love each other a lot tho’ so I think it’s right. Didn’t watch soccer today. Pity – didn’t get to see Mark. Watched basketball instead. Dwain’s pretty kinda cute in his own way. Game was exciting. Did English assignment (really crappy) and started writing back to Lucy (got a letter from her today) Hafta finish soon. 11:00 now Still didn’t start study for Chem. That’s disgusting. Must

Thursday 29/5/86

Studying chemistry. I’ve done Ch 1, 2 & almost ½ of 3, so I’ve 4, 5 & 9 left and then I’ve gotta start doing practise questions or I’ll fail for sure. there’s so much I have to do and I’m just not going to get it done. Boy will I be glad when this one’s over!! Boring day. Really hard to tell whether Mark likes you or not. Some days you’ll think you’re in, others it looks like he’ll turn around and bite your head off. I don’t care, tho. I like him just the same! Finished my letter to Lucy at school→ worried someone would read it… did write more about Mark in it too. Also fi & mima said Hi. What’ll I do? I can’t fail chemistry. It’s so damned important to my TE score. [This refers to ‘Tertiary Entrance’ score; the rating used to determine the types of studies you would be eligible to apply for at universities. In the early 1990’s the ranking system was revised and the important ‘number’ became the ‘OP’, meaning ‘Overall Position’] Oh well.. 10:16. Am probably the only one awake in the house!

Friday 30/5/86

OH no. Oh yes! I’m sure I’ve failed. Piss. Was nowhere near finishing unit 3 revision (term 1) when mima rang. Mum came home just at the right time to give me a lift up there. I studied a little – Jemima and Fiona weren’t – they’d finished last night, so I couldn’t really concentrate. [Of course not!] Mrs D took us in at 11:30. Got a bit worked up when we got there, but actually in the exam, about 10 mins in, I relaxed a bit. When I think of it I think it was all right, but thinking more, I remember some of the troubles I had. Damn. Anyhow, that’s over with. Have 2 bio exams, art, maths and english to study for now. Oh dear! 11:00 – just moved desk back into my room, fixed up temporarily my stuff & threw out a lot of things (crap)

Saturday 31/5/86

Did no study at all today. Julia [it’s her birthday] got money, brekky in bed, a casket ticket, record, jewellery, voucher and other little things (including glass beads & safety pins → I got 4 no! 5 more friendship pins today!!) I tidied top all my drawers (my old school books & Dolly magazines & my drawers in my desk) And decorated Julia’s cake. And that was it. [Brilliant procrastination!] I could kick myself. I have to do Bio & Maths first tomorrow, then English & Art, then Bio & Maths again, if time allows & hopefully more art & english (doubt it) Cold weather – rainy, windy but I love it. Went out this morning too, to various places. Is 12:12 Went to Coles but didn’t see Mark→ did see the cute guy who helped me pick up the oranges, tho!! Am tired. ‘Moonraker‘ was just on TV James Bond 007

Sunday 1/6/86

I bludged today. But I got all my relevant biology notes done. I’m a little worried about english & more so for maths, but, I’ll wake early tomorrow and see what I can do. I’ll go home after biology exam & do english quotes & revision. Then write out my maths ‘theory’ and later in the night revise art. Before school I’ll read over my english notes, then at lunch I’ll read over art. [LOVE the planning. I still do this…but never manage to get it done as planned.] Should be right! (??I hope) Cheri M Petra & Amanda and Robyn B came around today [all my sister’s friends] (Petra & Cheri for the longest) Cheri’s nice – funny! Still really wet weather. little sun at all→ almost totally continuous rain today. 9:00 now. Am not gonna shave underarms or legs → gonna grow them, then get em waxed!

Popularity, Pottery & the Technicoloured Dreamcoat (19-25 May)

Published on May 19, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 19/5/86

Yet, there is hope. In maths, Chris K reckoned that he knows about 15 guys who like me (& Ben P. knows another 4) all his friends. Chris reckons I’m the most popular girl now. (On the bio excursion “all the guys were coming upstream just to see me.”) Guys say “Have you seen that Elissa? She’s beautiful…” Skint. [Ok, not to belittle myself, but….seriously? Even with hindsight, I’m unsure of this guy’s motivation. I think ‘story-teller’ Chris was being relatively truthful, but… why bother telling me all of this? To put me on the spot. I have a feeling that my bashfulness and modesty was so overt that it was worth the effort to make me uncomfortable, for sheer entertainment purposes.] And also, ‘everyone’ (at least, Sharon, Fi & Mima) has organised a surprise for me at Angela M’s next party. Cos its in June (holidays) I think it’d either be to do with my birthday or what Chris was saying in maths. (Hope not the latter.) But it feels kinda good to be “popular”. [Ego!] I don’t quite believe it actually. I thought he really was bullshitting. [Hmmm, yeah, go with your Gut] 9:30. Talked to Cameron (back seat) of bus today. Pretty good day. Enjoyed it. Am so tired now. Riding 2morrow. Did no HW. Umah.

Tuesday 20/5/86

Ratshit day. Found out the surprise was a surprise party for me! Ha! [Weird, my birthday is in JULY…?] Now they won’t have it!! Also Alan C told me that Peter P likes me (I knew anyway) YUK. And then ‘everyone’ found out. And wouldn’t shut up about it. I HATE HIM SO MUCH. [Well that’s hardly fair is it? “Hating” someone you don’t know at all because you don’t happen to be attracted to him? Is it because of the unwanted attention drawn to you as a result? I think so.] I wish Mark liked me (I have a feeling he’s not one of the 19 who like me) I know 3 of them now; Dwain, Peter & Greg K (??) not sure about him. But Chris told me about him. Rode today too. MARK’S BIRTHDAY♥♥ Never to forget. Fi’s birthday Thurs. what’ll I get her?? 8:42 Early night for once?? He is the cutest (Mark that is) oh, love him, love him love him love him him ♥ mark for me!! [Oh PUR-LEEEEEASE…]

Wednesday 21/5/86

I’m ready for the cold!! Tonite’s min. is expected 13ºC!!! Was cool all day today too!! Didn’t have to do fabric painting today- had a go on the pottery wheels until Megan & this other girl started smoking [IN the classroom…]. Mr Pugh came in & told everyone to stop & pack up. [No doubt he’d’ve smelt it from another room] Megan & Joanne owned up much too late. So we did nothing for the rest of the time. Couldn’t get Fi a present, so went to speech, then bought a cake from Freshy & am gonna take it (all iced up) tomorrow, then I’ll give her a prezzy after school (when I go into town & get it) Cake is choc. covered in pink icing saying “EAT ME! Fiona” With yellow & green & orange squiggles. Really cute!! and yummy I’ll bet!!! Dunno what to get for a present!

Thursday 22/5/86

FI’S BIRTHDAY Oh, I wish Mark was having a party. I feel like partying this weekend. Oh well… ate Fi’s cake within 3 minutes this morning (“everyone” pigged out!) Gave her a “toblerone” & swatchguard tonight at Smithfield’s concert musical “Technicoloured Dream Coat.” (Was alright for a first; glad I go to CHS; smithfield “friends” are biggest snobs out – melissa b, natalie w, ian c, kel b & shane s) Erica & Adrienne were excellent in their dancing parts!! Laughed so much at their mistakes! (not Erica & Adrienne’s… the actors!!) Today, also, Ms Marsland talked to me about yesterday afternoon & about how Ms Black & Mr Pugh were a bit cheesed off. Suggested I apologise. Told mima & Fi too. They went together. I had to do mine alone. [I’m not sure why we had to apologise when we weren’t the offenders… unless it was because we failed to ‘out’ the smokers, which could have been read by the teachers as an act of ‘solidarity’? Beats me.] 10:07 by Mickey Mouse watch (my digital one’s stuffed→ battery’s flat or something.)

Friday 23/5/86

Just watched Flying High. God it was funny! Really boring day today. In fact probably the most boring day I’ve ever spent at Cairns High. 10:42 (my watch is fixed→ the new battery cost $9) Jeez I am tired. My eyes were really straining to stay open during the movie. Have to do a lot of HW this weekend; english, chemistry especially. Mark is yum, yum. Oh I wish more than anything in the world (??) that he was crazy about me; totally flipped over me. I like him so much. [I so want to scream at my younger self: “You don’t even KNOW him!”] Theatre Night on Saturday night (theatre kids perform) Hope he goes (cos’ I think I am) I’d love it – not that I think anything’d happen – never does. OH I WISH….. Night, Night!

Saturday 24/5/86

“Flashdance” just finished – it’s 11:21 – I am tired – and have a full day of HW & study ahead of me. Exams start this Friday – Chemistry on Friday for me (PES for YKW) Worked all day (well, 10:15 till 6:00) on labels (worth $31 – but got only $30) [Love how my Dad decides on a whim that he’ll change the pay rate or under-pay me whenever he feels like it.] Boring. Rushed home at 6:45 got ready & went to theatre night at CHS. Mark wasn’t there. In fact, barely anyone was. (‘Twas quite boring actually) Eyes are sore. Gosh I’d love another party (wished Mark’d have one for his birthday – maybe he did & I wasn’t invited) OH I AM TIRED. Boring. Absolutely Nothing exciting happened today. (My teeth are getting a (slight) gap between them again) OH NO. Mark 4 me! (Got a new desk 2day, too)

Sunday 25/5/86

Wanted to do lots of HW & study today. Ended up spending ‘whole’ day on my english assignment & even then, didn’t finish it. Ratshit. Wanted to get quotes for english & do all my chemistry HW, revision sheets (as well as maths). Mucked around a bit too. Oh shit. Is 10:07. Watching the Black Stallion on TV. (Hopefully) will finish soon. Am bugared. Chemistry exam this FRIDAY. Shit, I’m gonna fail, severely. Oh what am I gonna do?? [It’s called study, and being Sunday, you still have 4 days left in which to do some. SUCH a Worry Wart!] Ate a fair bit today – 4 fish fillets, cereal, mandarin sultanas, 3 biscuits, bowl of chips & 2 pieces toast. Howz that? (Sickening) God I’m tired. And a bit worried too. What the hell’ll I do about Chemistry? (And English? And maths) Aaaarg!! [Say no more!]

The Cast of Grease & the Honour Rejected (12-18 May)

Published on May 12, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 12/5/86

He was on a geography excursion today. I caught a glance of him as he was getting on the bus. So the “school” was quite empty i.e.: only Keith, Cameron, Brent (really) were left. “Excitement” about the party – everyone gossiping. Angie J has told all the girls they were only kissing but the guys knew differently. Personally, I believe she did have sex with him. [I really think this belief is half based in jealousy (obviously) but also Pessimism: assuming the ‘worst’.] A little depressing today was, on our way home (we (Fi & I) were in the back seat (“as usual)) & Cameron was too. were talking about ‘loves’ Cameron says most of the guys like Sharon. (think she’s good looking, anyway) Mark too. He didn’t say much about that. But I’m wondering seriously whether Mark does like Sharon or not. I keep telling myself ME MEANS NOTHING TO ME. [Haha, keep going…] 9:40. Jeez, I’m confused. I wish someone would tell me, straight out, whether Mark likes me or not. [Strangely enough it’s these comments that piss me off the most, now. FFS, was I really such a persistently wishful-thinking sook?! Oops, now I have to chastise myself for being so hard on myself! Especially being so hard on my little 15 year-old self.]

Tuesday 13/5/86

It’s 9:52. I’m watching part one of “Gone With the Wind”. It’s on TV. If it doesn’t finish soon, I’ll have to go to bed – I’m bugared. [That’s right, it WAS an Epic film wasn’t it? A 4 hour saga, it was actually broken up into two parts for television. Is it sill the longest (commercial/popular) film ever made?] Rode today. Riding home, stopped at Stratford (Fi got off the bus) & talked to Beka & Justine & Kym. Then Fi & mima (doubled [as in, doubled on a bike]) came over. At 5:30 they left. I did a little HW, had dinner, a bath & went to mima’s to watch “Grease”. Was great. Am so excited about the play! Today I was happy, in the morning. It “appeared” to me that Mark was trying to make me notice him. (Sharon shamed me – talking about him, in the library, and he was standing just behind) S’pose to have been ignoring Angie which made me happy too. But then he was talking to her later. Oh well. On the other hand, it wouldn’t be so good if someone told me whether Mark liked me or not cos if the answer was no I’d be mighty upset. [That’s Life, chick.]

Wednesday 14/5/86

9:55. Riding tomorrow. Stuff “Gone with the Wind”. I’m too tired to watch it. Pity, tho, huh? I HATE WEDNESDAYS so much. Cameron’s hanging around Mark a lot more since I told him that I like Mark. (Wonder why?) It’s probably got nothing to do with that. [Yep!] But I hate Wednesdays. And I “love” Mark (I know it’s not love, but if I could become goods friends – I’m sure it’d grow) [Well at least I was ‘aware’ enough to know that saying I loved someone didn’t necessarily mean I did…?!?] Ms. Black doesn’t like me, I’m sure. Mim & I didn’t do anything in recreational art today. Found out who got in the play Grease. I’m not listed. Either’s mima. Heather: Sandy, AnnMarie: Rizzo, Peta R: Marty, Clare McK – Frenchie, Tootsie is Patty, Steven – Danny, Neville Kenicki, Brent is Roger. Wow. I am tired. Speech – boring. HATE Wednesdays. Fi & I were asked to be ushers for the Yr 12 formal. Have to have partners so I own’t go. Everyone thinks I’m crazy (I know I am)

Thursday 15/5/86

Got a letter from Lucy: am writing back now – must also write back to Fran. News is she’s coming up in June Holidays for sure!!!! Riding to school today I had a prang on Aeroglen Drive: skinned my right knee – that’s all shook me up, tho→ I fell straight over & couldn’t get up for shaking. A council truck drove past & the 3 guys laughed. I chucked an enormous flash!!! [For those unaware, “chucking a flash” meant giving an eyeful – whether deliberately or accidentally – to some one – or more – of things you would rather or should NOT!] Shame. I went to the doctor’s this arvy too. Dr D said my nose is normal – the only way to rid nasality is speech exercises [read: I had a “lazy soft palate” so had to exercise the muscle – like any other weak muscles in the body] and I’ll just have to keep using my Becotide (until hopefully I grow out of my allergies) 9:35. I was kinda bored – unsettled today. I don’t want to do this ushering – but Carla reckons it’s an honour – so I can’t back out. What the fuck will I do?? I won’t get a partner. Am tired. I think. Kinda pissed off. Asked Mark a Q in Bio today. Barely answered

Friday 16/5/86

The “ushering” thing pushed me to my limits today. Spent almost whole lunch hour with Carla, Clare, Maureen B, & Heather, trying to decide what to do. I didn’t want to but according to Carla it was an honour – and I couldn’t refuse. But I have. I got so upset at the end – talking to Fi, that my eyes watered & I didn’t go to the dancing in tutorial. I am not going. It is part to do with Steven (being my partner, cos I don’t really know him well) but mostly in-confidence. i.e.: not enough. [Again, at least I was aware of and honest about my ‘failings’] Cameron couldn’t believe (& Brent) that I backed out. It’s almost as if he really wanted me to go. Ha! Anyway I’m not. It’s 10:15. Went late night: bought pr men’s PJ’s (snuggy!!) & fantastic new adidas sandshoes. I LOVE THEM!! In Coles, talking to Maureen – she offered me a job. think I might take it up, next time. So many people came up & said Hi. But I didn’t see Mark at all. BOO HOO. Also, in the carpark, I dropped a whole bag of oranges!! SHAME!! I couldn’t stop laughing: Torstein & this cute guy were doing trolleys helped me pick them up. HOW EMBARRASSING! ALSO – went to Freshy Pub with Geoff 4 tea. I didn’t eat. [??]

Saturday 17/5/86

Earned $23. Yes! I am getting my normal $4 rate – but I’ll still ask Maureen about a job at school on Monday. Boring. Rushed home, rushed & got ready & rushed to pick up Nana to hurry & get to the Railway Station on time to pick up mum’s uncle (nana’s husband’s brother) [This took me a moment to work out: my grandmother was married twice, but this particular man would have been mum’s real (blood) relative – the brother of her father, whom I never met. Mum’s dad (my grandfather) died while mum was a teenager. Coincidentally, so did my father’s mother (my grandmother on the other side) Beginning to realise that there has been a fair bit of ‘premature death’ in my immediate family unit]. That took bloody 10 mins. Rush for nothing! Then we dropped Nana home & at the moment, I’m still writing Letter to lucy while watching Saturday Night Fever on TV (again) 10:22. I wish I could hurry & finish the letter. I’d like to get to bed – have heaps HW for tomorrow. Wanna get it done.

Sunday 18/5/86

“Officer & A Gentleman” will be finished soon, I think (I hope – it’s 10:42) Today, I did a bit of chemistry, maths & english HW. Just bits. But I’m glad I did do some of my english – at least I know where I’m at with my assignment. —Yes!! Now it’s finished and I love it! (the movie) now it’s 10:51. Pretty Cool tonight (i.e.: cooler than usual – and the usual is pretty cool now) Wrote to Fran today. Also ate quite little, thank god. But I’m tired. I think. I must’ve down something to my waist/hips/ribs when I fell off my bike, cos ever since then, around my waist, hurts when I laugh, etc (also had sore muscles esp in my right upper arm) maybe I pulled muscle?!! [Ya think?] School. I can wear my fab new shoes. Love ’em: just like Lucy’s and Rebecca G’s. LOVE THEM!

Grease Auditions & A Miniature Rose (5-11 May)

Published on May 5, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 5/5/86

9:25. Gotta get some sleep tonight. Have had late nights very night this weekend. Green Island was not really fantastic. The only ones who turned up were me, Sharon, Fi, Joannah, Michelle W & a girl from CHS – Tracy. Was quite boing. Perfect weather except a bit choppy which meant the water was “cool” Justine was there – doing scuba diving lessons. We talked a fair while with her (Fi & me) We swam, sunbaked, walked, ate and jumped off the jetty (it’s illegal now, though) Pity. It’s unreal fun. I’m so tired. Wonder if we’re riding tomorrow. I forgot to ring up mima about it. Sharon told me last night that [I’m omitting the name here for privacy reasons] ‘s not a virgin – I don’t know whether to believe her or not. It’s “strange” to think about.

Tuesday 6/5/86

Steven talks to us (Fi, Sharon & me) quite a lot (He did today at Big lunch) I wish Mark would come over. He must be either shy or hate our guts. I don’t think, somehow, that it would be the latter. I hope not, anyway. I ate a fair bit this arvy and did little HW. Rang fi & mima – said they weren’t going to ride but they weren’t on the bus. (Jemima rang fi later & said she would miss the bus cos’ she wouldn’t be ready in time, so they rode: left at 8:15.) I spent before school in the library with Sharon. Is 9:35. Wanna sleep & dream. I dreamt last night that I had a party & every (even people I didn’t know) turned up except Mark – I was “waiting” for him. Windy cool. Sharon gave me a miniature rose this morning. I kept it all day till it started to die so I gave it to Ngaire R. [Er, that’s not very appropriate, Liss]

Wednesday 7/5/86

I auditioned [for the school musical, which was to be ‘Grease’]!! At speech, mima’s worries got me excited & I decided I had to go, at least to give her moral support, if not to try out. After much ‘inner-brain argument” [Oh, THAT stuff. That happens all the time in my head], I had to go. And fared better than some others, if I say so myself. [This is strange – I don’t recall doing very well at all. In fact I thought my atrocious singing had knocked me out of contention pretty much immediately] Boring school day otherwise (cos’ I hate Wednesdays – everyone (mostly Mark) leaves the school grounds.) I wonder what activity he does? Am hot. Is 10:26. Last night I had a dream that Alan (guy at school) was going with me to a party, but Fi took him away – coincidence: today mima was showing him to her. Also I dreamt Fi took off on her bike & left me. Mim & her almost were going to grab a bike and go to Kentucky fried in town (probably leaving me) Hot. am I now It isn’t usually [hot] in the day[time].

Thursday 8/5/86

Back Seat again! This time, the bus was more full. Didn’t bleed much today. […in case you were wondering…!] If it’s the same tomorrow (hopefully – please!) I can go swimming at the Cascades on our Bio excursion. Had more auditions at lunchtime today. Mima & lotsa others were sent out. I got to read Marty again, but I don’t think I was too good. I wish….!! Cheery kind of day – felt happy cos everyone especially Joannah & Tricia & Angie are being so nice to me. Drool over Mark like I do every day. I’m coming to terms with the fact that he’s out of my reach. Totally. And I think he likes Angela J, anyway. 9:50. Young Ones & the D Generation were’t so funny today. Intereference in Young Ones→ station troubles. [I think Cairns still had only two TV channels back then: the ABC and whichever commercial station the local provider FNQ10 was aligned with at the time. So we always had ‘Aunty’] Am tired. So there! So much HW didn’t get ½ done!!

Friday 9/5/86

My neck’s out. – has been all day. At first I thought it was just sore muscles all across my upper back & shoulders, but after a hot shower there was no difference. It’s still sore now. The excursion was pretty good! Mark didn’t talk to me at all, though Dwain – his partner, did. He took temp. measure for me, tho (didn’t talk, tho) and, there was one time when (for a while) he had his mirror sunglasses on, sitting on ‘high’ rocks. My idea being that he was looking at me (his head was turned my way but he must have figured that, being mirror glasses, no one could see exactly who he was looking at) ME? I hope! Told I was invited to Terry’s party. Would like to go cos Mark’ll be there, but hardly anyone’s going (girls, that is) Is 11:10 work 2morrow. Lotsa HW this weekend. Work tomorrow→ apparently Julia & I will hafta go to town & buy mum a mum’s day prezzy.

Saturday 10/5/86

‘So near and yet so far’. That’s what they say, isn’t it? There are all the (well, most, or… at least some of) signs that he likes me. He sat near me, looked at me (I sprung him sometimes (?)) and even came up to talk to me, but ___ Angela J had to come sooner or later. And it was always sooner. Soon “everyone” would be there & Angie (drunk) kissing Mark. I left & he even said ‘you can come back now’ (he wanted me to) But I (stupid, dumb, shy bitch) said no – so he went into the campavan with Angie & I didn’t see him again. [I had written about the party in another notebook in much more detail: describing how at one stage he was sitting quite close to me when Angie “came up and sat, spread-eagled, on his lap…kissing him, full-on, in front of me” which sent me packing but at a later point, he approached me as I stood solo leaning against a car. In no time however, a couple of other guys rocked up (one with a knife in his possession, which scared me) as well as Angie “kissing full-on, in front of me, again”. So I again made an escape – to a darker, more out-of-the-way place but he found me and told me (with regard to the knife-wielder) it was safe, I “could come back now”. But “thinking of Angie & him…wanting to save myself the discomfort…and hoping he’d stay with me” I declined and sat alone in the dark for awhile.] I should have talked to him more & perhaps suggested we go for a walk. Sure he likes me. WHY can’t I react?? I earned $19 at work, cos went shopping with Jenny beforehand (saw MW) & got M’s Day Prezzy – flannel sheets. Is 12:13. Am so depressed & hating myself (& Angie J) more & more.

[And in the ‘Notes’ section, just underneath my lamentation on 3 May, “longing” for a party, I’d answered myself with this:]

Hey yes Terry C did (10th) and the results? well go back to the 10th & find out (This silly little diary! I must get a bigger one next year – so I can write more about how I feel etc)

Sunday 11/5/86

Expected minimum tonight will be 19ºC!! Hooray!! Today, I spent all day on my art picture. So that means I haven’t done my english assignment or my Biology HW (& some maths) Too bad!! Sharon rang in the morning. We talked. (her problem with Terry & mine with Mark) She thinks he might have been trying to make me jealous. & that’s what I thought. [Ah…. no.] Hoped. I’ll just convince myself that he doesn’t like me – to be on the safe side (instead of getting my hopes up) & try and become good friends with him. Try is the key word. I woke at 6:30. So I got about 5hrs sleep last night. And it’s 10 past 11 now; Another late nite!! SHIT! Didn’t make mum brekky this morning. Felt terrible. [Mum was always an early riser, so it was often difficult to get her breakfast in bed anyway. Not that I am making an excuse!] In fact did next to NOTHING. All these people who rang up & said they’d made their mums brekky in bed (including Anthony W [my stepbrother-to-be]: yes!) made me feel terrible cos I didn’t. R.S. [Ratshit] Day!!

An Injured Workman & a Prank Call (28 April-4 May)

Published on April 28, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 28/4/86

Un-boring day today. In art, Rebecca G and I were painting in Mr Pugh’s art room and we heard an almighty crash. Thinking it was the workmen dropping wood or something, it didn’t bother us until Becca looked at [At? Possibly I meant to say “looked OUT AND”?] saw a guy land on the ground. I turned round. He was cringing (like he’d broken his arm) but then he moved his head and blood spurted out his neck. [Oh I remember this now!] I almost knocked myself out while running to get Ms Marsland (forgetting the glass door) Poor guy fell through a “roof” but only received a cut on his neck – no major injuries. Also Ms Marsland was videoing us. We watched in it 5th period. Funny! Not much of me 9:36. I wonder exactly when Mark’s birthday is. I know he’s a Taurus…. riding tomorrow. Am warm (hot)

Tuesday 29/4/86

Today was a good day. Nothing ‘special’ happened – It was just quite cheerful. We rode (mima, Fi & I) and were boiling. Went to area & had to pass Mark & Steven Shame! Hot, red faces, wet hair!! Anyway, in art we got some new work – really hard. Like philosophical “HEAVY” I can’t explain on this paper; I’d need a whole book practically, to put words into meaning (or vice versa) I’m hot … I’ve chucked my winter PJ’s – I was too hot. I put on a summer one. Was really hot & hard riding!! Did a fair bit of HW tonight – felt good about it. Also have ideas as to how I’ll do this (very hard) reading assignment for English 9:03. And I’m not too tired. Ate a lot this arvy. Got a head ache too. Wow!!

Wednesday 30/4/86

I am HOT. I can’t believe this is meant to be ~~summer~~ autumn, I mean! FOOTSTEPS TO FAME [our school ‘talent quest’] was…UNREAL! It was so funny. Mark was there. But he looked like he was looking for someone all the time (perhaps Angie?..) →but he wasn’t with her. Not me, of course. Never me. [Oh, cry me a river..] It’s 10:20 according to my Mickey Mouse watch. Riding again tomorrow (apparently) Oh, how I wish… I did no HW … almost forgot speech again (it’s on at 4:30 now) I HATE WEDNESDAYS They are so boring. Everyone leaves for sport and/or recreation. Shits me off (cos Mark goes too) Megan talked to me today. Quite a bit. Change, huh? BORWING, BORWING, BORWING. I HATE HATE HATE WEDNESDAYS.

Thursday 1/5/86

Today was a pretty good day (sat in the back seat on the way home today: fun!! Gammon) [Gammon: local slang for “as if!”] Anyway, all my subjects were fun (if not, they were interesting anyway) And there was always Mark to drool over. It’s incredible… I can’t really use words to describe him… I just wish I could become good friends with him. Then I’d be a bit happier (than I already am!) [Oh here’s a wonderful example of one of the basic failings of human beings – believing Happiness is the result of external circumstances, when it’s completely & solely controlled by the individual. But this is obviously a lesson to be learned in life…] Got our bathroom mirror yesterday arvy and was put up today. Looks unreal!! I have no idea what to wear tomorrow. [It was a ‘free dress’ day – a break from the monotony of uniforms] Shorts – but what ones?? 9:50. I’ll hafta wake early so I can decide!! Now I’m stuck for words…!! Everyone is being so nice to me lately. I mean really friendly I’m happy about that

Friday 2/5/86

I felt a bit of a dag, wearing my dotty shorts and Julia’s roomy, old, full-of-holes blue T-shirt and my sandshoes. But I didn’t worry about it too much. Got all my maths HW out of the way. Have only Chem. & Eng. left (no Bio HW) Still am not sure what’s happening about Green Island. Don’t think any guys will turn up: I’m not counting on it. Not getting hopes up. Mark was half-free dressed so were most of the guys, anyway. I am tired – just watched the movie – it’s 11:25. Sleep in tomorrow! Am so tired. Am feeling a little better lately i.e.: more ‘accepted’ by every(most)one Dunno exactly what’s to happen this weekend!! TYRED eyes!

Saturday 3/5/86

Running from the photographer (my sister) in one of the 'fashions' I'd made from the piece of material — Running from the photographer (my sister) in one of the ‘fashions’ I’d made from the piece of material

Boring! I knew I should have attempted to do my chemistry HW and my english assignment but I couldn’t get motivated. Instead, I read May “Dolly” my book “The dark Quartet” and ….and (?) …and …ate!! And listened to the radio and ate and ate. I ate too much I think. I also watched a bit of TV. And I made “fashions” out of an old (large) bit of fabric (togas) Some of them looked really great, especially with brooches and (my) make up. [My sister played at this with me and got a hold of my camera (see photo) to take ‘modelling shots’!] Anyhow, Sharon rang and she’s coming round late tomorrow arvy (she’s gotta work) Apparently, “lotsa people are going.” And I forgot to ring mima & fiona. Dammit. Remember in the morning. Is 12:30. Yes. I played Trivial Pursuit & got bored & tired. And now have had a late night. SHIT.

[On this day, in the ‘Notes’ section at the back of my diary I’d lamented:] Wish someone’d have another party. I’m longing for one!

Sunday 4/5/86

I got an obscene call today. Nah – it was just a prank call. A guy (I thought it really was someone I knew at first) told me to guess who he was saying “you remember me and you and that room”…. I said “Sorry! .. Bye!” And hung up. It frightened me after a bit – I have a feeling it might be someone I know. Today I wasted another day: did absolutely nothing useful. Sharon came around 6:00 Talked. She’s in the shower now – I’m hurrying to write this before she gets out so I can hide it – she saw it & wants (I’m sure) to read it. [To my knowledge, there were very few people who actually went to any lengths to read my diaries. I was amazed my mother and sister were never the slightest bit interested in snooping.] It’s 9:15 now – we’ll probably have a late night. Am taking Joannah & Fi tomorrow. WOW!! Weather just said will be rainy 2 morrow – Please be wrong!! Have told Sharon a lot of secrets tonight (esp. about Mark)

A ‘Fantastic’ New Shirt & a Horror Flick (21-27 April)

Published on April 21, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 21/4/86

Jemima said a quick ‘Hi’ and said nothing till 3:20 after school. Fiona said ‘Oh, I didn’t see you’ after 2nd period. They weren’t on the bus. But she’d seen me before during the morning. They really piss me off. They did a lot of talking and hanging around each other. [This stems from jealousy, which stems from loneliness. I always felt like a ‘third wheel’, never having a ‘best friend’ of my own.] I spent before school & lunch time in the library with Sharon and Donna respectively. My photo was in the paper for CAD today. [The one from last week’s blog] It was a fairly good one too. Julia thinks I’m one of the prettiest there. (I wish) [My sister often told me how pretty I was, ‘compared to others’. I never ‘valued’ her opinion – assuming she was just saying it because it was her duty as an immediate family member. It also speaks of my lack of Self Worth… or Self Belief.] I am so tired. I don’t think I’ll bother about writing about Mark anymore. I’m wasting my time liking him. He doesn’t like me & never will so why don’t I just stop dreaming?? 9:33 That Kuranda party was a once in a lifetime event. ie: it was a dream. Will never happen again [I’m really in a particular frame of mind at this point in time, huh? Pessimism certainly has the reigns here now.]

Tuesday 22/4/86

Double bio was in lab. I really don’t think mark likes me anymore. [Biology was the only class I had in common with him] Pity. (But I always say that) Jemima went home sick after lunch today. Amanda (C) said she was white as a ghost. Bad, huh? Well, I spent before school and big lunch in the library again: this time helping Sharon. We did a big rush job for her english but it was fairly good. [I’ve only just realised that I was actually doing something that only happens in American teen flicks: doing someone’s homework for them. Well, “helping”. But not getting paid…] And her maths was quite a waste of time. (I spent most of the time talking to Maureen) I HATE Peter P. Everywhere I go practically he’s there. It SHITS ME OFF. [Apparently he was ‘attracted’ to me, but the feeling was (obviously strongly) unrequited.] Boring. Sharon has “organised” for “everyone” to go to Green Island on Anzac Day Holiday. Big rage. Guess who I’m wishin will come. But I’m not hoping cos he probly won’t. It’s 8:44. I want to get lots of sleep. I bin so tired lately.

Wednesday 23/4/86

It was inevitable. It had to happen. Mark F knows who I liked (no longer now) Wonderful. And he won’t believe me when I say I don’t like him anymore. [Teen taunting] I’ll bet he’s told at least one person. He almost told Cameron this arvy. Speech was on my own. Mima had to work (actually, it’s 8:30→ she’ll still be there) I’m hot – no, warm. (Slightly uncomfortable.) I’m trying not to worry about (well, not “worry” but take notice of) Mark W. I do think I still feel for him (so corny, elissa) But I’m wasting my time. I said to Mark F “I wouldn’t have had a chance anyway. PITY. Am going to Green Is. on Fri then mima’s on Sat. Staying sat. night after going to movies. Black bags – something bad under my eyes. Nite nite!!

Thursday 24/4/86

9:57. Sharon hasn’t called me yet. We (I) don’t know what’s happening now. Everyone’s changed his/her mind Sharon, me, Fiona and Angela M want to go to Green Is. But Joannah C. doesn’t want to go anywhere. I don’t know what’s happening. Except that I must remember to ring mima about Saturday night. Today was different. I only spent before school in the library with Sharon; at lunch, I was with mima & fi. Walking home off bus, Mark F. mentioned Mark W and I stressed to Neville I used to like him. They both don’t. (Up their arses!) I still think he’s a hunk, tho. Quite warm today. Not usual autumn weather. Am so tired. Hair is growing fast. Seems everyone i.e.: the “popular” girls Angie M, Trisha, Michelle W, Joannah etc are being really nice lately. Am glad!! [The Need for Acceptance – oh Ego, you are so blinding…]

Friday 25/4/86

[Anzac Day] HOLIDAY So far as laziness, gluttony and boredom go, this has been my worst day. I ate so much. I feel so ashamed. I did absolutely nothing but watch TV or read my book (or eat) instead of doing homework. And as a result, it was the most boring-est day of my life. You see, cos Sharon didn’t ring back last night, I had to ring her at 7:30 to find out whether she was going or not cos Fi rang an hour earlier, wanting to know what was happening. Anyway; it wasn’t on. So that’s how I spent Anzac Day, 1986. Cyclone Manu is getting closer to Cairns by the minute. “What? Another cyclone?” Yep! Not quite as intense as Winnifred it has centre winds of 150km/hr so far. 11:32. Got back from movies, OUT OF AFRICA was absolutely BRILLIANT no other word for it. went with mum & julia & geoff

Saturday 26/4/86

Well. I got ready and “rushed” into town. Bought a fantastic green (emerald green) blouse. I love it. Only $28. Saw mima – she said she thinks it’ll still be on. I said for her to give me a quick buzz if it’s not, but otherwise I’ll come as per normal. I did maths HW all arvy till I packed for mima’s. Didn’t have a shower. Got all “excited” – the first movie was “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. Then that Movie. I didn’t watch more than about 1/20 of it!! I kept my knees in front of my face most of the time. And I was “fine!” [It was a horror flick called ‘House’. I have always hated ‘scary’ movies – so my attendance at this was for purely social reasons.] Colleen, Liam, Sharon, Fi, Brent, Polly, Anna, me & mima went. Not many other known people. Mark R was there. Got to sleep around 1:00! Was alright, too! [Alright as in no boogeymen or nightmares]

Sunday 27/4/86

Woke around 9:00. Slept in till 10:30. Today went so fast. Around midday Amanda (C) came round. We talked. Watched ‘Fraternity Vacation’. Ate piklets. And honeycomb. And played junior Trivial Pursuit. Amanda left, Brent came & left, Jay left. We finished the game around 5:00. Took Shannon home to get her clothes for school. Then I was dropped home. (I think this pen’s running out) Watched Countdown. Watched more TV. Boy, am I tired, now!! Absolutely bugared. (I definitely need a new pen I think) Pretty, funny kind of day. Did no HW. Umah! Wanted to get my english assignment out of the way. Too bad!! School 2morrow. Thank God for school. I love it!! [Now how often does one hear THAT?]

World War 3, Butter Menthols & a Very Tactile Dream (14-20 April)

Published on April 14, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 14/4/86

Mark was away at baseball trials and was accepted in the country team (Qld country, that is) Unreal, huh?! Good to see him again – drool. I Failed chemistry like I had the feeling I would 18½/40. Which accounts for 4.625% out of the 10% it was worth. [I’m surprised I didn’t chastise myself here] I should’ve worn a jumper today. It wasn’t cold; but I knew the coolness wasn’t doing me any good with this cold. [We still believed it was better to “sweat out” a cold. Old wive’s tale.] Bio tomorrow (looking forward to it!) Jemima went to NightHawkes Saturday night, with Sharon for Anne-Marie’s party. From what Anne-Marie told me, I gathered no (or not many – esp. M) didn’t go. But I think she might think she’s a bit high-and-mighty now. [I think I’m referring to Jemima here, not Anne-Marie] Wish I could go. I think Fi does too – but she’s allowed anyway. 9:33. Must get some sleep tonight. Am always so tired at school.

Tuesday 15/4/86

We are on the EVE OF WW III

Today at 11am, the US bombed the capital of Libia. The USSR have now moved 40 Battleships from the Black Sea to surround 20 US subs in the Mediterraenen. THIS Is the eve of the 3rd World War

I hate the world. Why? Why? Why is there so much hatred & violence & corruption? And to think this is INTERNATIONAL YEAR OF PEACE. WHY CAN’T WE HAVE IT??

I lost my appetite at dinner & this arvy. [My guess is because of the news. I’m clearly quite passionate and I know this hasn’t really changed much, so I take action to avoid getting ‘worked up’ like deliberately not watching the news, or reading papers] It’s 9:00. I hi-lited all the bits about Mark in my diary this arvy. Dunno why. Kept my jumper on all day – don’t feel as clogged up now. Bad mucus this morning. Couldn’t suck it back. Mark is such a spunky name!

Wednesday 16/4/86

They said Reagan bombed Libia again, last night. The feud continues…. I was so bored today. All my subjects except Biology bored me.. Even recreation “Fabric Painting”. Borwing! But sneaked out & talked to Tina S & Deyanne H. Also saw Karen G & Jane O. [All old Smithfield High classmates] But ‘best(??)’ bit was when we were let out at 2:55!! Sharon & me & Cameron talked & joked while waiting for the bus And it was funny! He’s wierd! (Nah!) Forgot about speech again, too. Cold is average – fading. Bad mucus which I can’t suck back or even spit out is always at the back of my throat & is VERY annoying. [I had bronchial issues for a lot of my childhood and if I get a cold nowadays, my recovery is protracted if the infection makes it to my chest.] Is 8:42. I asked mum about Nighthawkes. She said “NO”. Bitch. [What? A mother is a bitch because she won’t let her 15 year old daughter go to a nightclub? For the record, Jemima was never ‘allowed’ either…] Jemima’s smoking. I thought it was Megan’s fault (still do a bit) But apparently Fi said she wanted to start anyway. I think she should do what she feels, but personally I’d hope she’d stop. So does Sharon & Brent & some others. SHARON’s really mad about it. HATES MEGAN TOO.

Thursday 17/4/86

Well, well, well. Today was ‘fair’. My overdue library book which was lost in the art room I finally cleared up. The Librarian(s) was(were) very nice. They didn’t expect me to pay for a book which someone else had misplaced. It’ll just go on the ‘lost book’ list. Spent lunch & time before school with Sharon in Library, doing her english assignment. [I have a feeling I was helping her…not just keeping her company…] And little-lunch I stayed at art room. Made a big mistake – took a packet of butter menthols [throat lozenges] to school – I had about 1/5 of the lot!! [In other words, everyone else ‘scabbed’ them off me.] My mucus congestion was really bad yesterday & this morning. So thick I could neither spit it out or suck it back. But I took 2 sudafed tablets & after period 1, I was clear!! [You don’t say? Pseudoephedrine cleared up your mucous? Wow. Bet it made you a little bit ‘happier’ too…] (Mostly) YAY!! Is 10:06 Went late night shopping at Earlville. Boring – Really. Had Kentucky Fried for tea. Haven’t started my english assign. yet.

Friday 18/4/86

It’s 11:02. I’m bugared, but the Logies will be over in about 30 mins. Today was a “depressing” day. I was shitty (trying to be) with Cameron cos he got shitty when I tried to get on the bus before him. [Wow, really? Chivalry was obviously dead in the 80’s] I think he called me a bitch too. Then, before double art, Steven B & Mark♥?? were ‘crowding’ the door, so I kinda ducked through. I heard Mark mention ‘impatient’. I think he called me impatient. Thinking that upset me [OMG – hypersensitive! It was mostly likely said in jest. But in my defence, I was quite intimidated by him.] then there was general depression thinking about my weekend – boring again. See, Megan (Jemima’s influential friend) has invited almost everyone to her place for dinner Saturday night, to the movies & to her place sunday to watch videos. Except me. She even asked most people right in front of me – I knew she didn’t like me. mima said she did. Didn’t hand in any eng. assignment. Mr Grossetti was away. Russell Francis [a renowned photographer for the city’s newspaper, the Cairns Post] took CAD photos today. I’m gonna be famous!! (Nah.)

Saturday 19/4/86

Oh! I’m a bit warm! I’ve got winter PJ’s on. Wore them last night too and had my covers on too but tonight I’m just right. Earned $23.00. Drums & office work and labelling (or de-labelling) At home I did nothing. Wasted 2 hrs or so. Coulda done HW. Last night my dream was really funny. I actually felt as if it was really happening. For example, Jarrad B held my hand and I could feel the roughness and types of feelings I could expect to feel when a guy holds your hand (not that I know) 11:30 now. I expect the others are out of the movies and all at NightHawkes or something. That’d be right. Leave me out. [I hated “missing out” on things. And especially being “left out”. But this has been a somewhat strong ‘theme’ in my life, so I have to wonder if this is one of my ‘life lessons’?] I am TIRED!! “Grease” was on TV. We’re doing it for CHS school musical. I definitely want a part now!! (Not major)

Sunday 20/4/86

Today was another total waste. I did chemistry homework and that was it. I know I should have been doing my english assignment but I couldn’t get myself to do it. Auntie Hil left today [here I am omitting factual information about others’ lives that is not my place to publicise]. I can see now why Jodie didn’t want to be left in Sydney. [And another bit of ‘hearsay’ relative to the event] That’s kind of “fizzed out” my excitement about going to sydney in Xmastime. Anyway… It’s only 8:40. We just watched the most pathetic showing of the Countdown Music & Video Awards. It was sucked. Boring day. Ate a lot. Eyes are sore.!!

Cross Country, Halley’s Comet & Sales Tax (7-13 April)

Published on April 7, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 7/4/86

Very boring, actually. I was glad to be back at school, but tried to stay out of YKW’s way cos I hated my hair. Most people did notice. Some really liked it but by far the majority thought it was just “nice”. [Tell tale sign that they actually didn’t care, Liss!] I told everyone I didn’t like it. And that’s the truth. [I still do this, and I really don’t see it as being self-deprecating. I honestly just tell the truth.] Fiona told me today that ugly “tough” black guy with big lips and nose & crucifix earring likes me. Lynette C told her. I always score the YUKKY ones I wish Mark liked me. Oh, how I wish. I also wish my hair’d grow back fast. No poops at school→ got the pains but withheld and, surprise, surprise, the one I did tonight was about 90% normal! [Surprise, surprise! Oh dear] 9:34. Didn’t do any HW naughty. mima & fi weren’t on the bus → they went with Mr G. Also went different ways after school

[And at the back of the diary in ‘Notes’ section, I’d written:] Yeah man! It’s the 7th – I’m back at school in 2nd term. My first week of this month was shithouse. I was sick and depressed (about mainly my flop of a hairstyle. N’ever mind…..)

Tuesday 8/4/8

Cross Country run. Didn’t even get a place. [Seriously? Reading this I was surprised that I’d even written it. Did I really think it was a remote possibility? I wasn’t a runner, I barely exercised on a regular basis. That is strange …and funny.] Heather, Justine, Mima, Fi, Joannah & Megan & I ran sort of together. Actually we walked most of it. I’ve got aches in my legs now – not like from doing the exercise → like growing pains. At the end Mima, Fiona & Joannah, Melissa [uh, Melissa? Who’s that? I think I meant Megan] ran ahead. But we (J,H [Justine, Heather] & me) beat them cos although we walked, we jumped the fence instead of going all the way round. Did no HW again. Bad, huh? I’ve got to do some Esp. chemistry tomorrow night – exam on Thursday. “mmmm…looks good to me” is my new thing about Mark “mmm” is mark. [Oh really? I’d NEVER have guessed…] Another late night. Yes! 9:45. My watch band broke on the run. Gonna hafta get it fixed proply

Wednesday 9/4/86

Got 43½/50 for my Biology & 8/15 for Chemistry. Worse still, it’s 10:50 and I have barely looked at my chemistry work for my exam tomorrow. I got only 4 more flowers (all the others they were all out of) & a lot of speech homework. And my art isn’t finished. I’m in a real fix. I’ll hafta wake early. My watch is fixed. I forgot to clean my teeth this morning & put deodourant on. Not a good start, huh?! Now my feet; I think I have damaged from the cross country in sandshoes…There’s a big hard lump in the bottom of my left heel. I don’t feel good at all. I got my fringe straight today → blow-dry technique. Geez. I really feel down sometimes

Thursday 10/4/86

I did fail chemistry, I’m sure. I knew almost nothing. Heather & Brent & I (don’t tell anyone) cheated a little – compared answers. I think I’ll have to start a home study timetable or I’ll fail chemistry and maths. Biology and english are basically simple compared to those. [I am definitely a ‘words’ not ‘numbers’ person (which is why I’m amazed that I ever thought of accountancy as a career prospect) and as it turn out, biology has come to figure prominently in my fitness career] It’s 10:20 Another late night. Watched TV, started my journal for art (when I realised I’d left the script [?] at school so I couldn’t do it anyway) then did (or started) what I hope to be my 6-adjective piece. Didn’t get to see Halley’s Comet again. Haven’t seen it yet. That’s appalling. It’ll be out of sight soon too. Trust the weather to be bad when it’s visible. [This was the only opportunity I would have to see Halley’s Comet in my lifetime…unless I reach the age of 90 with perfect vision (and, uh, that’s already an impossibility) Since it returns to our solar system every 75-76 years, it’s not expected again until mid 2061. Bummer, dude.] Ate a lot when I got home from school. Always do. It’s a shame. I eat little except when I get home. I could be losing weight. Wish I didn’t pig out at hm. Mark was away today. (So was Angela M) You don’t think…? Nah. Impossible! (??)

Friday 11/4/86

11:20. How time flies. Only an hour ago, it was 9:00, I could’ve sworn! My throat is slowly killing me (well, not quite) I am worried about what I will do after Yr 12. I’m so insecure. [No idea, which I wasn’t to know, is the same for many…] Geoff advised me to get a job and found a career before dabbling in art, cos’ the competition in that arena these days is so high. But I want also to go where most of my friends go (not “James Cook” Uni – yuk – townsville [JCU was a new tertiary education institution then and was founded in Townsville, Cairns’ rival city] I hate thinking about it. I’m terrified. I might be getting a cold I think Hope not. Bludge in double english – Mr Grossetti was away. Did bio assignment & decorated my diary. Wondering if Mark really does like me or if it’s his way of flirting. Hope he does He was away again. And I’ve had a sore throat all day – it’s been a bad day

Saturday 12/4/86

$28.20. (I let dad keep the 20c!!) I did $12.20 worth of drums – big and little. And 4½hrs work (sales tax.) It could have been 7½hrs, but my foolishness cut it back. You see, when I started at 11:30, I went the wrong way doing the tax so I’d just repeated what was already done. This was at 2:45, I realised. Dad said he wasn’t going to pay for my mistake [hard task-master], so I started again – correctly this time and worked till 7pm. My itches also became worse today (ever since Wed, I’ve been getting really itchy all over, but only for a short time in the mornings) Today I came up in lumps And was totally red from scratching. Now I have blood blisters from it. Yuk [I get itches these days too but it’s definitely not the same as this. ‘Neural Dermatitis’ doesn’t produce lumps, rashes or any other kind of skin affliction.] 11:00 LATE AGAIN. Wonder if Mark is at Anne Maries Birthday party. Wonder… I like him. [You don’t say?]

Sunday 13/4/86

AUNTIE HILARY’S HERE!! She came at 11:30. I did my art today. Wanted to get english, bio & maths done too but didn’t have time. I read over some of my diary (the parts that I was at school) [True procrastination – no time to do all my homework but time enough to read my diary…] Esp. about Mark. Gee, I was so confused then (not saying I’m not now) One day I’d be sure (?) he liked me, the next he wasn’t interested. Its all the same, tho, huh? Always like that. Jodie gave us a present – a cute exercise book & pen. Cold is just nasal now i.e.: no sore throat just blocked & runny nose. Nose is sore. Is 8:56 Early-ish nite for once. School is tops except for the work. (!!!)

Diarrhoea, Dire Straits & Deprecation (31 March-6 April)

Published on March 31, 2014 by Elissa Coxen2 Comments

Monday 31/3/86

Gee, the days are goin’ slow. I’ve been “farting” all day and they’ve been of the most foul scent!! [… if this description is too much for you, quit reading this post now. You are about to be very well acquainted with the “Coxen Bowel Fetish” as my father refers to it…] I just watched TV (& tried to cut-down my eating→ not too successful) It’s 10:25 Gettin’ my hair permed tomorrow I think. (I have no booking yet) Actually I’m tired. And I can’t think of much to say. (A change, huh?!! Did I tell you on GOOD FRIDAY, Lucy rang me?? Yeah! It was great talking to her → she thinks she’ll be up in June holidays (can’t wait!) Think I’ll throw in the towel concerning my trip to Japan. I’ll never raise the required amount ($2200) And I want to go to Dire Straits concert (& buy clothes too → I haven’t done that for ages!!!!!!) Gee I’m tired And bored And getting VERY fat. UMAH.

Tuesday 1/4/86

Today was generally a BAD day. I went to work (did drums for 2 hours & got only $8.50) earned my piddly amount then left it there. Got shitty cos I felt “picked on” in the office by Jenny, Mum & Julia. At nana’s I had lunch, then got my hair permed → another mishap… Well, it’s not the perm, it’s just that Annette cut off too much of my hair (remember it was long on one side → short on the other [see pic on the left, it was inserted here in the original text] like that. She cut off my long side, to make them even.) I spent a fair while trying to straighten out the perm (as well as crying) then when Julia came back from work, Dad had a great pick on me I decided I wanted to die when he left cos everybody hates me. All He does is pick on me [I can imagine teen hormones would have played their part in this emotional reaction but I was sensitive to criticism as well. I think I have managed to retrain my reactions now…] It’s 8:30→ I took a Mersyndol tablet for my head ache (getting lots lately). Made me drowsy now

Wednesday 2/4/86

I’ve had another bad day. I am sick (I don’t mean mad, I mean ill) I was awake almost all last night with headache & nausea. Vomitted only once. Didn’t vomit today → just felt tired, weak & depressed. Ate, too & I kept it down (all I had the whole day was 6 vita-wheats & piece of toast all with vegemite, a piece of toast with honey & a green apple.) [Dry toast, grated apple and flat lemonade were the standard fare mum provided when we were sick.] Still don’t feel too good. Mum took us to Nana’s in the morning, then took me home & Julia & her went out to the Smithfield shopping centre. I watched TV. Julia got her Dire Straits ticket. I am so worried about my hair It is so different→ I hate it & I’m paranoid about about going places where people know I could see me. I HATE IT. I am tired. It’s 8:38. Hopefully I’ll get a full night’s sleep tonight.

Thursday 3/4/86

But, guess what?!! I got it straightened today! UNREAL huh?!! (Although I do feel very selfish and guilty about getting a $30 perm one day and another $20 perm only two days later. It was a total waste of $50.) AND I AM NEVER GOING TO DO IT AGAIN so long as I live – I’ve learnt my lesson. Spent today at home. Lotsa Diahorrea today – but it stopped late in the afternoon and I feel healthy & better again now. And I also want to go to Dire Straits now too. I rang Fi about it all but she wasn’t home (Stu didn’t know when she’d be home) so I rang Beka and had a big talk to her. Fiona said she would call me. But I had to & she wasn’t even home. That frustrates me. [Frustration meaning, upset due to feeling ‘forgotten’] 9:44. I feel better. Thats’s all I can say. I wish my hair’d grow just a bit faster tho. My main worry is that people (esp. Mark) aren’t going to like my hair…..

Friday 4/4/86

This has been the worst week of my life. Who needs Friday the 13th?? In a matter of 4 days; Tues, Wed, Thurs & Friday, I have wasted just about $80 and become ill. You see, I rang Fi, she was at Jemima’s. Polly rang me & invited me with them. Mum got me a ticket I felt healthy again (I still was dihorrearing tho’) and I went with them. Got there 5:45. Show started at 8:10 – but I was at Nana’s. You see – I got sick – didn’t think I could take 5hrs of standing up, so Fi walked me round looking for a phone; we had to go out of the show grounds to use one. Mum wasn’t home – Geoff wasn’t & Dad too. So I caught a taxi to Nana’s (and she paid him for it) Mum picked me up when I reached her at 9:15. I wasted time, energy, money & fun by going home before the concert even started. WHAT A JERK. I hate myself. Hate. Hate. I am a JERK 10:30 ← and I didn’t even see Mark. Did see Tina, Vanna & Sally.

Saturday 5/4/86

I slept right through again, last night – i.e.; didn’t wake once till the phone rang at 8:00 this morning & it was Dad asking if I wanted to work. I decided to. $27.70. Spent the whole day there so when I got home, there was nothing to do but watch TV….I think I am better, now. I had only the very least of stomach pains – 5 at the most & my poos (I only did 2) were looking more solid (or normal) My hair is quite wavy at the front. But I don’t mind too much. I hate it when it dries naturally→ then it’s really curly. I’m feeling better, tho. I was supposed to starve myself today to kill the germ but (another good sign) I couldn’t → I had an appetite!! I ate 1 chip, 2 Vita Weats plain, 1 plain crisp bread, 1 lolly, 2 pieces toast, dinner & a cuppa tea! Is 10:45. School soon. Hope Mark doesn’t hate my hair. Stupid, huh?

Sunday 6/4/86

I’m eating normally (I have my appetite back.) The problem is I get random pains and then do a poo which is not “runny” but “loose”. Understand? (Don’t blame you if you don’t) [Not enough information? Hang on, here’s some ‘real-time action’…] Oooh! I’ve got one now; just wait a tick – I’ll go to the loo…. Did nothing anyway. [Oh, what a shame. So sorry to let you all down.] Pains, pains, pains…. I just realised how much school work I didn’t do over the holidays, today. I wanted to do all the rest of my english assignments (or at least, repeat my old reading one) + finish my biology assignment (still haven’t got all the flowers) And I was meant to do Chemistry study for our exam this week. It hasn’t quite yet dawned on me that tomorrow I will be starting school again and won’t be able to sleep in. 10:36. Am worried about my hair. If (YKW) will like it. I’ll hafta borrow Julia’s gel (I’ve none left) But at Dire Straits (while I was there) greg k didn’t notice it was different. Somehow I think Ykw will.