exams – Page 2 – A Life in Words

Exam Fails, Crinkle Perms & Florence Nightingale (8-14 June)

Published on June 8, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 8/6/87

Well, it’s 8:55 and I have not quite finished my biology study. Almost, though. I have done no chemistry or history of art study; so I’ll fail for sure. Did nothing besides study today (except break for a walk to the shop with Jules this arvy) But the reason I didn’t get all done was because I mucked around doing little things; wasting time. [Procrastination. It’s my forte.] sunny today. Am tired, but had 9hrs sleep last night. Wonder what time mark will get home tonight? I don’t think he’ll go to school tomorrow. Oh, these bloody exams! 3 tomorrow.. there’s no use. I’ll fail! Been thinking a fair bit (not much) but; I think Mark does get bored with me. I really do. Sometimes. I think he’s sick of me, or he’s afraid to spend time alone with me. I don’t know. I’d love to talk with him again, soon. (Fat, fat, fat! I ate a lot of crap today) Julia & I had a 100’s & 1000’s fight. YUKKY!

Tuesday 9/6/87

Ha, ha, ha! I failed chem. for sure.. could not do one thing (well that’s a lie: I got Q1 right!) But my bio study paid off!! I found (an otherwise hard) test easy . . and Hist. of art – I fluked (& cheated just a little) that will be easy enough to pass. So that was my day, really. Mark didn’t come, as I’d thought.. Keith told me he said at night “Wish I was home ..missing Elissa”. How beautiful! […hmm, how gullible…] I rang him (during dinner – so rang back ∼15 mins. later) barely talked at all – disappointing. [Not missing you so much now, huh?] He sounded tired. I’m glad he’s back. That’s 5 days I haven’t seen him. Oh, I thought I’d never make it! This arvy Cameron was at his dad’s – driving! (went past our house at least 10 times!) FUNNY!! Hotter, finer today. Wore my hair “crinkled” to school – twisted sections [and tied with rags, see the pic to left for an idea] last night- slept with them & this morning my hair was crinkly! Wore it in a piggy tail – looked horrible down, but now it’s died down a bit .. looks good .. gives my hair lots of body. Am thinking of getting my hair crinkle-permed now! [Noooo! Perms are bad enough, let alone ‘crinkle’ …ugh, you just said it “looked horrible down”!] Skin is clearing up fast, too!

Wednesday 10/6/87

Well, Mark was very quiet today ..bored, he said. [And we all know what I would have been thinking, after Monday’s rumination…] So I didn’t talk to him very much… biology before art… big lunch, then a little at weight training (speaking of which, at aerobics I felt so good! Excellent workout! Sweaty, but I felt no aching or fatigue after it – just hot.) [See? It really isn’t that hard to make fitness gains.] Mark rang me tonight, however, and we talked a lot about careers, ambitions etc. he wants me to spend nights at his place on the holidays (if he doesn’t go to Brisbane – hope he doesn’t.) Wonder if ..if I’ll take the plunge? Go all the way? I’d like to, but it’s complicated [of course. And scary.]. .anyway. . I’ve done no HW: and my bio assignment is due tomorrow I’ll have to make it up & write it tomorrow. I’m riding tomorrow.. I think; mum bought me a padlock for my chain. I’ll ride on my own; I don’t care – I need the exercise …I’m almost 65kg. That’s terrible! [Yes, disgusting! After all, at 176cm in height, that means you’re almost exactly in the middle of the Normal/Healthy Weight Range. Pffft.] I have to lose 10kg for the formal! (And for Mark) & the holidays!! [Isn’t it sad how susceptible we are to socially-imposed ideals? Or more accurately, that our Ego-based self-image can be so …weak? How did I think emaciating myself would enrich my experience at the formal? And would that really make my boyfriend love me more? (From memory he never once referred to my body in a negative context.) I can’t even begin to fathom what I thought losing weight ‘for the holidays’ would yield…] Oh I’m tired.. but can’t sleep in: it’s annoying. Got chem. mark – 6/30 TERRIBLE. Must spend a lot more time on chem. & maths… chem, mostly. have got to do well. [Ha!]

Thursday 11/6/87

I rode! Left at 8:15 (heaps of head-wind; shit!) got to school about 8:35! :Hot & sweaty & very “drained” of energy (tired) Mark came late. We got on quite (very) well today! My painting of him is (believe it or not) progressing very well! (ie: it’s not half bad) – in fact I’m bloody proud of it! He has not much comment on it! [Uh-huh. I can sort of imagine some reasons why…] After school, I waited for him at our area (giving my bag to mum) with Cameron: then we went to the bike racks- not there either. .walking back Mr. Stopford said he & Steven were in the gym. Cameron & I stayed (waiting) for about 30 mins ..then left (Mark & Steven kept playing & playing..) [playing and playing what?] Fairly speedy (hot!) ride home. Rang him tonight & we talked for ¾hr. Going to see Burglar tomorrow night. he said he would stay at my place on the holidays! (he’s not going to Brisbane – yay!!) WOWEE! Oh, I’m tired. Maths exam Tuesday, then eng then bio ..then chem (ugh!) then HOLIDAYS HOORAY!! Holidays soon! And I can’t wait! SO tired.

Friday 12/6/87

Got to school-Mark was sick. Barely talked to me before school.. double eng. boring & set ..he nicked off somewhere (Coles) with Steven during little lunch & didn’t talk to me at big lunch. I wondered if he really was sick ..sick of me only. [Definitely the theme for this week…] But after school, he said he’d ring me. I had to go by bus- just the afternoon I need mum to pick me up & she doesn’t: I had a gigantic masonite board with my painting paper taped to it, to take home. Ugh! Very tired today. My art (Mark is O.K. but I don’t know how to improve on it – what to do next – I’ve worked on his skin (facial tones) a lot & I’m afraid I’ll overdo it – but it looks a lot like him. Must get it finished.) [With an eye for detail, much of my art leaned towards ‘Photo-Realism’…] when Mark rang, we talked a little – it’s a headache – on & off again, but intense when “on” [oh.. talking about his sickness… I thought for a second this was a general comment on our relationship!] we decided no movies. And I went to his place. And played “nurse” & “maid”. [So totally NOT what you’re thinking!] Took him Mersyndol & by 10:00 he was drowsy. I left arond [not a typo; an actual spelling error that appears in my diary.] 10:30 – a little disappointed he was still in such a poor condition – so hot & very tired. I liked “comforting” him – like to do that whenever he’s sick in the future. [The ‘Florence Nightingale’ aspect of my persona…]

Saturday 13/6/87

A wasted day. I woke (very angrily) at 7:30 and could NOT get back to sleep. I watched the music shows & played the tape mark let me take home last night ..love the first song on Side A (one he wrote its words to me) It’s excellent! [I’ve included a YouTube link to it below… but read on first…] Anyway I looked blankly at maths revision sheets before ringing Mark around 4:00. Talked a little while – he’s no better ..poor guy – I don’t like seeing him so sick -head ache & cough. said he’d been popping pills all day, besides sleeping, watching a little TV. Keith was there ..he said he’d come around (to give me my biology sheets) very short stay -he looked terribly tired. Tonight I copied out my bio. sheets (a second one for him, you see – it helps me study at the same time!) It’s 10:40 now. Am tired, but plan to listen to 4CCR for as long as possible. Didn’t eat too much today! Good, huh?! Hope Marky’s better tomorrow – there’s an excellent movie (sunday special) on at the Capri.

Sunday 14/6/87

You should see the bags under my eyes! BLACK. I got about 7½hours sleep last night – not enough. It’s 8:35 now & I plan to get a good sleep tonight. I wasted the day, really. Did a little maths revision after Mark rang me, just before 2:00 (very short, pointless phone call. But he’s feeling 10 times better -only has a sore throat now- and told me [privacy omission] lost his license today – speeding silly! He might be able to use [privacy omission]‘s car (if he’ll let him) cos he gets his license in 2 weeks & [privacy omission]‘s lost his for 3 months! (+$120 fine) Goody- hope he can use it!) Before, I think I just listened to music (tape) & fiddled round with my HW diary. . Oh! I know! I wrote out my bio. assignment yeah, really good! Mmm singing Alltime Lover all day – my fav. song. (mum loves it too!) [See below. Firstly I can’t believe I actually found it (because it’s not called what I thought it was called) and secondly, I can’t believe I liked it… it has to have been just sentimental attachment because… it’s really bad. The lyrics are up there with the worst I’ve heard. And mum? Oh my beautiful mum was a bit of a musical dag I’m sad to say. She loved Bucks Fizz – that says it all. And if you don’t know Bucks Fizz, don’t worry, you ain’t missin’ anything!] Oh wish it’d stop raining & get cold. Worked out my formal dress & hairstyle totally now. Can’t wait! Must try & do maths tomorrow – get lots done. Think I will stay the whole day. Maths is a bloody problem. Ugh. So’s chemistry. Bio – no sweat. English – yukky poo. UGH! Ate a bit more today. Depressing. MUST lost weight + tone up my disfigured leg! + TAN & blonde my hair

Formal Permission, Hickie Harassment & The Controversial Portrait (1-7 June)

Published on June 1, 2015 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 1/6/87

Keith told me (after Mark had got it out of me before school) that he & Mark had worked out what that sheet was ..my timetable, Mark’s and Nicole’s (last night with saw it just lying there & I got v. embarrassed) [LOL taking Insecurity to the next level! I don’t recall this at all… and for good reason! I’m imagining I’d’ve been trying to ascertain how often they might have come in contact during school hours. What I didn’t know was that this ‘project’ would only feed my angst: not benefit me in any way at all. Geez, maybe I should’ve been a detective?] I thought Mark might’ve gotten ‘upset’ by it ..thinks I’m spying on him. NO! It’s not fair. He can’t think that: it’s not true. [No, really?] Anyway, I don’t think it bothered him much- school, boring as usual, but I got 3 goodbye kisses this arvy Yummy. My art exam was a laugh. I didn’t know anything; I’m sure I’ve failed (no, I could pass, really. Came home after julia got new school shoes (& we browsed at other shoes) & I found a doona on my bed! Unreal! The only prob is I think it’s too small [here’s the critical perfectionist…] – I mean, it’s meant to fit a single bed, but I’d have liked a bit bigger, but not quite double bed size. [Not asking for much – just a non-standard sized doona, perhaps custom-made? (I’m not sure that ‘King Singles’ existed back in the 80’s?) Pssssh! …Unless I was considering size difference amongst different brands?] Actually did a little HW – maths. I really must get down to some serious study now. Also get classwork done. Esp. art. Copped shit about this hickie, alright – [OF COURSE] Nigel, mima, justine lots (Nicole saw – she kept looking at me SKINT) And Tricia. HaHa. Oh boring school hurry up, holidays. It’s 10:00 now

Tuesday 2/6/87

Gordon C (??) has asked me to his formal. I was really excited (overwhelmed at being asked to another formal) at first, but said later it depended on Mark. I asked him to ring Mark & ‘ask his permission. [Good god Elissa, permission? Are you sure you weren’t born in the 1800’s? So upright, so traditional, so…antiquated!] I really don’t care whether I go or not. I’ll do what Mark wants. [Of course, Doormat!] Mark & I came close to fighting today. (Well, I was hurt, but got over it because he got “down off his high horse” and didn’t let it “carry on.” CONGRATS, markie-poo! (I love you!)) [I just vomitted a little in my mouth…] Otherwise boring day (isn’t every school day?) Mark and his gorgeous smile. He’s so cute! We passed him riding home this arvy (taking Nana back to the [nursing] home) [she still lived in her own self-contained unit at this stage] and I yelled out “spunky” & waved. He smiled & I melted! How can I take 4 days without him? I’ll die, I’m sure! Skin (mine) is terrible. Fixing up tho’. Most people forgetting my hickie now. Beaut cool weather. Wish it’d get even cooler tho’. oh, come on, holidays!

Wednesday 3/6/87

I asked Mark if Gordon rang him. He said yes. [Thank you for playing my silly game, Gordon] I said what’d you say? He said it’s alright with me if I wanted to go. And that was it. I think he didn’t want to talk about, tho I tried to explain I only want to go as a favour to Gordon… I’d rather spend a saturday night with Mark, anyway. Anyway, it was a pretty good day. Better than yesterday Aerobics was sickeningly hard! (I’ve got no co-ordination!) mark came up after & showed me the note he found in his bag (I put it there.) “Aaaargh! How will I survive four days? I love you! I need to see you before you go.” I hope, really hope, we spend it at his place tomorrow night. That’s the best! Hoping he’d ring. Gordon rang me instead. Then I rang Justine (had an excellent idea:) if she couldn’t think of anyone – invite MARK! [No, a very silly, unrealistic, entirely selfish idea] He’d probably refuse. [Yes. Because he doesn’t know these people…] But that’d be great. If he went, that is. Raining now. Not so cold. SHIT. 10:40 SHIT! I ♥ MARK 4 EVA & EVA

Thursday 4/6/87

Ow! My neck’s sore – wonder if it’s out? Talked a fair bit to him again today. Then tonight he was ‘crazy’ (probably excited about going to Mackay) – we went shopping & driving with Keith. They came back & watched TV at our place .. Mark & I fighting (quite rough) then.. then he had to go. Joking about staying for 4 months ..I said I’d kill him if he stayed away for more than 4 days. [Uh-huh. That’s not displaying dependance-related psychotic tendencies …much.] (Busy day at school today… am doing something in art: Mark! I don’t know if I will though.. it’ll turn out all wrong, I bet. [Oh yes, one of the most retrospectively embarrassing things I did, painting a portrait of my boyfriend. And it wasn’t a small canvas either. Oh, the shame! Little over-besotted me…] Did chem contract prac in 4th.. & big lunch, with Linda. will just get them finished tomorrow arvy, after school.) Am so tired.. the last 2 days in a row I got out of bed 7:15, when I was woken at 7:00 .. sleeping in!! Usually I’m the last one out of the house! [This doesn’t even make sense to me: how does being the “last one out of the house” relate to usually getting up early? I get that sleeping in = running late = being the last one out of the house but it’s inferred that I don’t normally sleep in?] Boring day tomorrow: ho, hum. 10:30 (by Jule’s swatch) Crikey. Will miss mark. But I’m not suicidal yet; [No …really?]

Friday 5/6/87

(Neck’s still sore) Well, I made it ..no sweat! One day (& night) without mark was O.K. (though I kept thinking (& keep thinking) how exactly a week ago was one of the best nights of my life!!) [Livin’ in the past, girl! A neat little example of how Attachment can cause ‘Pain’: in this case, a positive experience creating Desire for (Wanting, Craving) more…] I did my painting today, mostly & it’s lookin’ great! I’m proud to say I love it! (Of Mark) I can’t believe how much it’s working; resembling him quite well, indeed! [Oh dear. *facepalm*] (Heard Megan, with Tricia, say something & I’m sure she referred to my painting. BITCH.) Everyone else (even Ms Mars.) thinks it’s ~~beaut~~ (NO! Daggy word!) [You correct yourself for a daggy word… when you’re talking about a totally daggy artistic decision?!] Great! Oh I’m tired.. late night shopping ..tried on lotsa dresses in Val Carnes. Liz convinced me red looks best on me (believe it?) And mum & julia too .. so Mark’ll be happy (I can be his LADY IN RED!) [For those new to this serial, Chris DeBurgh’s track “Lady In Red” became a relationship theme song for me one night early in our budding ‘romance’. Here’s the link to that ‘episode’ in late 1986.] Keith rang this morning ∼ 7:15 told me my bankbook was in his car. I said I’d leave it till Tuesday. Won’t be needing it I think. [Oh my, the Bankbook! Most young readers wouldn’t have the first idea what this was. Back in the day, those amazing machines (ATMs) that spit cash out for you at the press of a few buttons, didn’t exist. We had to physically go into a bank (during business hours) and queue up to see a bank teller, to make our manual cash withdrawals. Too bad if you didn’t take enough money out on a Friday afternoon. Ah, the good ol’ days…] Rainy, cold weather BEAUTIFUL!! I’m in a great mood (inside, that is)

Saturday 6/6/87

Boring, wasted day. . couldn’t believe how I wasted it. Woke just before 8:00.. and spent most of morning doing a poster for Cheryl G (TBallers Disco). Then Julia left for dad’s & I watched Airwaves [a locally (well, Townsville) produced music video TV show] alone Having lunch after it, I was going to start study when Amanda & Cherie came. They stayed till about 5:00. [They were actually my sister’s friends too, so it’s even more surprising that they spent the rest of afternoon with me…] So my day was indeed wasted (Amanda & Cherie are so funny, though!) Got ready after, & mum & I went to the Drive In (to see A Dog’s Tale – FOOTROT FLATS & “COOL CHANGE – an Aussie movie – OK.) Was beautiful and cold! (But not cold enough to dislike it.. just a cold breeze/wind.) I kept thinking about the show & wishing Mark had his own car so we could go to the drive in alone. So now it’s 10:50. And I’m waiting for “RAGE” on the ABC . . (starts 12:30), listening to 4CCR in the meantime (on mum’s clock radio) She’s next door at the Fishers for a quick drink. [Uh-oh. The last time that happened they had to carry her home and worse; we had a ‘prowler’ around our house which frightened the bejesus out of Julia and I and mum couldn’t be woken… see here for that story.] The Perrems are s’posed to be there too. Wonder what’ll happen? So cold & beautiful! (Still, isn’t cold enough!) The wind helps, though. LOVE IT! (Only 2 days left.) Must study tomorrow. MUST.

Sunday 7/6/87

I really have to lose weight. My diet is disgusting. I ate so much crap today. And I did nothing to wear it off. A boring day; I did study. .but only got ½ of bio study done. Have my assignment to do for Friday, yet. Plus bloody chem. study. I have chem, bio & hist. of art tests on Tuesday. Do you believe it? I’m going to fail. And my majors exams start next Tuesday, there’s no way I’ll do well, unless I knuckle right down this week & weekend. I’ve got to do well in them. I’m determined not to cram like I have the rest of my life (this is still cramming though, I guess.. just not overnight .. over a week!) [Uh, yep! While I have a certain ‘photographic memory’ some self discipline would have helped me avoid establishing this bad habit, which only worsened at Uni…] It’s 9:15. Listening to radio till 10:00, Last night I listened to 4CCR all night ..sleeping then waking. About 4:30 turned on “RAGE” stupid heavy metal crap music. So tired this morning – woke around 10:00. Great dream. Raining lots today. These holidays I must diet, exercise & sun bake to get tanned, slim & nice skin for the formal [hmm, many would refute the sunbaking + nice skin correlation these days…] I MUST!! I’m so fat now

Framing, Fraternising & Fantasising in the Final Week of Year 11 (24-30 November)

Published on November 24, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 24/11/86

A Life in Words — At Trinity Beach. not everyone is in this group pic but I love it because my bestie has her arm around me 🙂

I woke up and attempted to get another piece done. HA HA HA!! Then, we rushed in [to school I am assuming] & back, passing Monique & Thorstein & Justine [on their bikes] on the way (both ways). [We were all cycling to Trinity Beach, and ‘collecting’ people on the way… I think they were heading to my place, to pick me up next…] We left here late going straight past morris st – we thought they’d [I think referring to Jemima & Fiona] left. When we finally got to the beach, they, of course, weren’t there. So we waited (Thorstein had rung & found out they only just left) when they arrived so did Carla & Brent. We sunbaked (I didn’t get burnt – almost everyone else did! Very little fun though) and swam – my hair’s blonder tho! – [swam only] a little cos there were sea snakes. And we hired a cat. (Rage!) Rode home slowly stopped at freshy [Freshwater Creek our ‘local’] for a swim Pigged out – just a few chips, pita bread & yoghurt – cos’ I forgot my food today. All I’d had was (about) 4 cans Diet Coke. [OMG, that poison. I can’t believe how much of that stuff we used to drink. I just hope whatever damage we did by consuming it has been righted (healed) by now…] Now staying at Fi’s. Watching videos then riding to exam in morning. Ragey. Monique can’t get onto her father yet….

Tuesday 25/11/86

Boring. I saw him once, really briefly before exam – close, tho’. Last night we watched 2 videos, Polly, Kylie & Brent went home. Monique was exhausted [fell asleep, while] – mima fi & I stayed up till 2:00 talking & laughing. Uncomfortable sleep- got numb arm! Rode quickly to Monique’s when she got changed etc, rode to school. Saw Mark near my (in, at times) art room (exam room) Art was ‘easy’ but I stuffed it up. Got overall out of 70 mark – 59. Not good enough esp. for how I (might’ve) gone in my test. Got eng. 27/30!! Believe it!! I couldn’t! I thought I’d done really badly! Fi and I waited all the rest of the day till mime had done her choral exam. Had a good talk and etched our names in our area [vandals!]. Hot ride home. Am exhausted. Did no HW (HW? you say) Yes – exhibition works! [ART homework] Haven’t finished yet! Gotta get framed, too. Crikey! “Ohm!” meditation! Gammon [Oh if only I was actually serious about the meditation. For those who don’t know, ‘gammon’ in Australian slang (particularly common to indigenous Aussies) has negative connotations…implying what you said wasn’t true. Here, I’d’ve been thinking “meditation? AS IF! Duh, no way”] 8:30

Wednesday 26/11/86

Chem. Fail 34½/80, but I’m sure I found 9 marks which weren’t added on in process multiple choice Q’s. I PASSED MATHS!! By 2½ marks! 32½/70 … gone up 9% this sem. overall from 46% to 55%!!! [Barely passing would have mortified me a few years earlier… just passing was my hope these days, but improving on the previous semester’s results? BONUS!] English: y’know 27/30 – 82% up by 2%, art, well, I’ll be lucky to get a Very high [Achievement]. Dunno yet. Bio hasn’t finished marking yet, but so far, am 44/63. BAD. I’d wanted to get a V.H. for bio this semester too. Today was boring really. Did nothing besides find out marks. (I beat Cameron in everything – he hates me now) Mark was around. He has a gorgeous face – bone structure etc. Eyes. I laughed at a little joke in biology and he looked at me smiling (not for long – like a glance) Then this arvy I tried to do more art. Just finished crying. I’m not going to get half the stuff I wanted to get in, in. Big Trouble for Lissa. No money [sales = income]. Is 10:45. Going at 8:30 tomorrow to get my work framed. at Upstairs Gallery. Got my fuckin’ periods 2day. [Every woman’s joy]

Thursday 27/11/86

Boring! Mark was there – but left. We sat in Monique’s maths class with about 10 others, then Justine, Fi & I went to the hospital to see Leanne – she’s really sick – they think gall stones. OH NO. Poor Leanne. Back at school, Mark’d left. I got chem. result fixed up – passed! 43½/80!! [It’s a miracle!] Then, walked to Justine’s (saw gr. 4&5 photos of mark! – yukky [!?!] – bit cute, too – very different!) Mrs F took us into town. Spent the rest of the day there. caught town bus home. Did little artwork tonight – umah. [Hang on, you’ve been in tears the night before… but don’t care today?] Tomorrow, everyone (or lotsa people) are going to crystal cascades. I can’t wait! Rang moni – she doesn’t know (she’s shitty – found out Cameron only wants to be a friend) Sharon is, and Cameron is. (doesn’t know how ringing me back tomorrow at 9:00.) Chris told monique last night. Wonder who C. McK does like? Oh, Mark. I want you. Oh Cameron. I love you!! 2 fav. guys! Saw Upstairs Gallery about my framing this arvy – can do it for $100!!! 9:47

Friday 28/11/86

It was a mess. Heaps of phone calls but finally, Sharon & I were about to ride to Crystals, when Cameron, Glynn in Brian’s car all came – gave us a lift. We were the only girls apart from Tanja S and Melinda B. Heapsa guys – Cameron, Glynn, Chris, Brent, Steven, David & Peter S, Brian & others like Mark F, Todd Q Torstein… we swam. and sat. and I got burnt shoulders. No problems with periods. there were 8 in the car home – all the guys came in to my place for cold water. Cameron (silly!) left his shoes here. Sharon rang when she’d ridden home – she’s grounded not allowed to stay here tonight, nor go to the party tomorrow. I’m shitty. I have to work tomorrow, finished my bag, wax my legs & armpits, make my dress, make my belt, which I stuffed up just now, FUCK IT and my fuckin’ hat. [I was clearly going through a phase of making (including sewing) lots of stuff… in the midst of… a lot of other stuff (think all the artwork I was meant to be producing for our exhibition). I am only realising now that it’s a lifelong trait of mine: to take on multiple things all at once: which most certainly holds the potential to conjure Stress, ultimately. Like, for example, having 4 jobs…] Cameron also rang this arvy. So’d monique. She wasn’t allowed to go today – not that she didn’t want to. [I’d assumed she may not have wanted to because Cameron was, potentially feeling hurt and/or embarrassed by his rejection] 9:30?? friggin periods!

Saturday 29/11/86

Before work I collected my art stuff . It’s alright – a bit bent – and NOT vacuum pressed, tho. I was ripped off I think. $90 and even ‘Marilyn’ [one of my pieces] was wrecked. (well, a bit more warped) Earned $14 at work. Mum picked me up. Rushed to pack at home. Chris & Glyn were at monique’s swimming. Camille’s (her sister) bus was late. At 7:30, we were rushing. The ‘Kellys’ took us [to the party – whose it was I can’t recall. In fact, I barely remember the location and the following events]. Mark came with Cameron. I finally sat with him and Fi on the grass (& Cameron & some others) Now, it was hot, to Mark. He asked Fiona if she’d sit and talk in the gutter. Everyone said I said this (I can’t remember ..musta been only a joke) “Leave Fiona alone, don’t try anything on her” [jealousy?]. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he got angry. Walked with Fi [privacy omission here]. Cameron & I went down (so did nicole) I tried to say sorry. He was raving on about how he hates people pre-judging him (& others) I started crying. But in the end we hugged. Then cam & I left Fi & him to talk. They came up after and mark asked me to come and talk…→ [continued on the next page of the diary…]

Sunday 30/11/86

we sat in the grass. And talked. He does like me. At least, he said. “My favourite waste of time” reminds him of me – he thinks of me or if possible looks at me. [This relates to a previous party where I discovered that this was one of his favourite songs. To revisit that episode, click here. There’s also a link to the song on YouTube in case you fancy a listen] And a certain star in the sky reminds me of him. And I’m one of 2 people he’s ever met who he thinks he could settle down & marry & live happily with. We told each other lots about how we felt. Then we talked about general things. And after we walked to the beach (Chris, Cam. Glynn, Mark, Alan B, Nicole, Clarissa, Moni, me, sharon) (Chris tryin on to me – embarrassing!) We talked for ages, then. He loves apricots. Wants to own a ski lodge in Canada – a red ferrari like Magnum’s [that’s Magnum P.I. – an 80’s TV show/character], our house will be in the snow mountains with fruit trees & a big slippery slide down to a tropical beach with a 40 foot yacht!! Anyway, at 3:30, Cameron got his mum to take us to Nicole’s – she made 2 trips. [Good god, mothers can be VERY accommodating to their children – and others’!] Slept very little at Nicole’s if at all. Mark being my friend. (Said he wants to be a friend & more than a friend – he’s afraid of me!) – like I am! He says that’s like mima & brent (their love being deep & strong from ‘fear’ (?)) Walked to monique’s at 7:00. Mark didn’t say anything at all in the morning. Spent day – slept 3hrs, had a swim then went to set up exhibition .. Mark snobbed me. I began to wonder …could all those things he said possibly be untrue?

Flat Tops, Failing & Friends on the Phone (17-23 November)

Published on November 17, 2014 by Elissa Coxen1 Comment

Monday 17/11/86

Boring day. Mark I saw once (had a haircut – Cameron too; Flat top!! [ah, the old flat-top! Think ‘Ice-Man’ in Top Gun] Looks cute!!) Wasn’t at parade – just at the beginning of little lunch briefly. Talking to Cameron, Glynn, Chris & David lunch hour – everyone was gone – mima & Fiona & lots left after double chemistry. Monique & I did nothing. Studied chem a bit tonight and can understand most of what I’ve learnt (or read) Hope I can get the rest done tomorrow. Is only 9:00, but bags under my eyes make me go to bed. Talking to Chris & Cameron in maths – Cameron & Mark had a big fight Friday arvy. Chris did with Duane, too I think. said something about mark – Chris said “Have you talked to mark?” I said “what about?” He said “you know that night” I didn’t answer. [Perhaps not just because I may not have known what (which night) he was referring to, but also whether he was just…baiting?] Cameron said something can’t remember, but wasn’t positive. Got me wondering. Cameron’s always going on lately about how good a friend I am.. wonder If he was trying to say something [Haha, this young girl has not yet learnt that males don’t “drop hints”. Don’t read into everything, Liss.]

Tuesday 18/11/86

Fail. Written all over my brain. I could not do anything. It’ll be a miracle if I pass – a doggone miracle. Boring day. Not actually; studied this morning, but went to school around 12:00. Stayed talking to Monique. Then walked up to exam room with Heather, Linda & Justine (Cameron a little of the way) Is hot (had a big thunderstorm – lightning etc…) Raining lots – I got saturated! Caught bus home with Fi. Monique rang in the arvy. Talked about miscellaneous stuff. In shower, I got a phone call from a guy. Julia didn’t get name or anything. Cameron forgot to ring back – lucky I rang him. Talked abit about Moni – lots about miscellaneous – didn’t get any news ’bout mark ‘cept that he really likes Fiona a lot as a friend. “Jealousy?” Was Cameron trying to make me jealous? [Highly, highly unlikely!] Asked about what he’d said in maths – said I was hearing things. [The boys often said that. It simply means either “I don’t want to tell you” or more likely “I don’t remember”.] Thank God. (?) It’s 9:15. Gotta go.

Wednesday 19/11/86

Monique rang 4 times. For most of the time we talked about nothing in particular – sometimes not even talking. [This is another of the defining characteristics of our friendship, and it is said that this kind of sitting in silence is the stuff of true friendship: total comfort in each others’ presence. Monique was the first person with whom I’d ever experienced this ease, this depth of peace – besides my mother & sister of course. Mind you, I also hate being on the phone these days so this particular experience is unlikely to be replicated.] I’m ashamed to say I wasted the day. I did very little maths study and no art (practically) – no english or anything. I ate one hell of a lot I think I’d better stick to the diet again – I’ve gone up to 62kgs again. So it’s been a waste of time. Waste of a day. I can’t believe how restless I get when studying. Wish Mark’d ring. Or even just Cameron. In a way I envy monique yet I think she envies me – that I can get on so well with him, so easily – like I envy Fiona and her friendship with Mark. I wonder if he envies Cameron? Wouldn’t that be nice? [No, it wouldn’t. Too much envy, too much Wanting!] Hottish day. Shoulda done some exercise – reading about it in a magazine – really good for all aspects of your life – fitness mentally, physically, socially… [Well isn’t this interesting? Perhaps a crack in the door opening to my future fitness career? Well thank you, trashy magazine!] Is about 9:20. English tomorrow SHIT!

Thursday 20/11/86

It’s 12:30. I’ve been doing maths. I just finished reading over bio notes and now I have to get started on my art – my fingers are rather ‘slow’ – I can’t write quickly – ah, yes I can… leaning on the table! Got another letter from Delanie; she writes back fast enough. Talking ’bout mark – she reckons we’re both flipped over each other, but are ‘playing games’ esp. Mark. [Haha, that’s so cute: a friend who knows nought but what I tell her (my one-sided story, full of hope & guesses) analyses & concludes in my favour. Ain’t friendship grand?!] I saw him briefly today before english exam (each! – Dunno if I passed – didn’t do too well.) Wasted this arvy, kind of, too. But I got a little worried about maths. After a phonecall to Fi, I was a little reassured and got ‘stuck into it’. There’s not much (well, there is really) that I can’t do – I just have to think – trouble is, you don’t get time in exams!! Hope I’m not too tired to do my maths & bio. Boy will I be glad when tomorrow’s over! Not really; still have my art to do. OH NO!

Friday 21/11/86

Boy, am I tired now! It’s 10:10. I failed maths; there were so many things I couldn’t do. Saw Mark a little. Lunchtime – all of us (YR11 group – who were there) sat in the library ‘studying’ – yacking! (talking) [I don’t recall our librarians being big on telling people to ‘Shhhh”!] He was in my room for bio. It was fairly simple – I’ll pass – probably only give me an HA [High Achievement] overall this sem. cos I couldn’t do a few Q’s. [Ah, there’s a hint of potential dissatisfaction with regard to my grades. I thought that concern had died with the advent of my social life; that all I cared about now was simply passing. No, the Perfectionist is not dead.] After, talking to people Mark & Cameron hangin’ round. Cameron talks to me a lot. Then they went. We (Monique, Sharon, mim, Fi & I) went to mime’s to watch video tape of Last night’s Return to Eden, which I’d watched anyway. Then, dropped home, got ready & went into town. On way in we passed bill & mum was sure Cameron was in the front seat. (GREAT!) Bought new album 1987 Let’s Party [one of my favs!] and had tea at Pizza Corner Played record at home; was always looking out the louvres, hoping to see Cameron walk up the street. [As. If.] Hope he is at his dad’s place!! Maybe Mark’ll go over tomorrow. [Always wishin’] Finish a reply letter to Delanie 2morrow

Saturday 22/11/86

Did another piece for art – my lorikeet (well, something like that) is possibly my best work!! I spent the whole morning on it. I have 4 left to do. When Nana and (great) auntie Nancy & Uncle Raymond and Ruth came over, I ate. I shouldn’t have but I did. Raymond was looking at some of my work – I showed them all my ‘exhibit’, I think they might buy! [No, they were just ‘encouraging’] made lotsa phone calls about Sean’s party – Monique tried to get Cameron & the guys to go but was unsuccessful. Still went tho’. Monique & I were driven by mum to Sharon’s (monique got ready at my place) & Mrs Weeks took us there. It was … alright. Boring, yes. But not to the point of suicide. About 100 I think, turned up. I shouldn’t have drunk again. I got happy (was keeling now & then) I was eventually fine. [Hmmm, I don’t remember this one. Mind you, I suppose it’s silly to think you’ll remember every party you attend in your life… especially when you’re drinking at them…] But we scabbed a lift home with Justine at 2:00 (most people had gone or were going by then- ) Boring!! About 3:00 I got to sleep.

Sunday 23/11/86

Waste of a day. I started a piece of work. It progressed. But when I finished it tonight, Geoff pointed out something wrong. [This rings bells to me but I just can’t remember what that piece was] I tried to fix it but stuffed it up instead. So I scrunched it up & threw it away. I was a little upset, too. [You don’t say?] Monique left around 10:00 this morning (riding home) Boring day. I ate chocolate cake and chips. I think I’ll have to forget being really strict on my diet→ on the holidays it’s too hard. I’ll still try to balance what I do eat & “substitute” etc. [I’d love to know what I meant by that – “substitute” – back then. I’m quite certain there’d be a difference in meaning now.] Oh, I wish I could’ve gotten more art done. Don’t think I’ll get much finished. And, god, when am I going to get everything ‘framed’? How much will it cost?? OH NO! (Get dad to pay. He really should) [Of course, living with mum meant she forked out more in the act of rearing us. It’s almost unavoidable for the supporting parent, no matter how much the other may contribute via ‘maintenance payments’. This only intensifies my respect for her.] Can’t wait for the next weeks ahead (days) Befriend Mark, Elissa (your ambition for the week)

A ‘Bizarre Love Triangle’ at the Fete (8-14 September)

Published on September 8, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 8/9/86

Well quite a few people (I think; Donna, Sandie, Monique, Mima, Fiona, Sharon, Tania, Heather, Linda, Tanja, Judy & Rebecca G – that’s all I think) know about Phillip C liking me. And of those who know/have seen him, all reckon he’s cute – some say gorgeous – best bod! Lifesaver! Swimmer! Wow. But mima told me that Melinda B reckons Peter H was at Phillip’s place on Sunday; meaning he rang from there. SHAME!! But I still love Mark. But he obviously (??) likes Nicole… Cameron & Judy rubbed it in today. Cameron in chemistry said “Did you go with the others to the Playpen?” “No” went to the movies” – “Oh, we went to Nicoles.” Fine, Cameron – that’s just great. What’m I s’posed to say? Then Judy at the busstop reckons “Have you seen Nicole’s love bite? Can’t miss it – big purple mark all over her neck and shoulder.” Double fine, huh? You bastard Mark. You’ve got to love me. Please. I want you more than anything. [Ugh, desperation! With hindsight I have to say this whole infatuation experience was a HUGE ‘life lesson’ I did finally learn from.] I’m tired. Bin studying for maths Ha! Got chem mark back 11½/15 – I passed by lots!! Wow!! Bludge day.

Tuesday 9/9/86

I won’t get to see what Phillip looks like until tomorrow; CAD (& selected Yr 11 & 12 art students – including Mark) are going walking around town during recreation time looking for people to do their windows for Fun In the Sun. Monique Sandie, me & Donna got the best block; Boland Centre, Rockmans, cominos arcade. Wo! Rage! (But I really wanted to go swimming so I could perve on Master C. Oh well! I still like Mark, but I don’t feel as depressed as before (I guess this matter with Phil has boosted my self-confidence somewhat) I’m watching a mini-series (Part 1) at the moment; it’s 9:55. Will probably get to bed around 11:30. Didn’t ride today. Maths exam I failed that’s all I have to say – I’m glad I learnt my content – that might’ve helped. HOPE Dunno if I’m riding tomorrow or not. Want to sleep in. Fun tomorrow I hope. Started doing some speech HW – unbelievable! Exam next Thurs.

Wednesday 10/9/86

Mima & I rode today (Adam, too) Didn’t get any test results back (i.e. Maths or English) At big lunch, Donna & I rode to City Place. We walked down to metropolitan building society so she could get money out then to Monique & Sandie (& Ms Marsland) for instructions about getting “clients”. All four of us had the best block to cover; the Boland centre one. It took longer than most others. Lots weren’t interested in us painting/decorating their windows – but there were still fair few who would “get back to us”. [Ha!] After, rode back to school, picked up my bag & waited for mima. I left & rode home on my own at 3:05 – quite impatient, then after speech when we were talking she said she got to school at 3:20 – lucky I didn’t wait – long time! But at speech asked Megan if she knew P.C. – she said “Yeah” I said what do you think of him? She said “pretty cute” & that one of her friends was flipped over him. That makes me feel really great. Someone who lotsa girls like & he likes me!! 10:40.

Thursday 11/9/86

Rode again. Got my haircut, too – (“much”) shorter on the left side. It feels much better. Rode really slowly esp. on the way home: stopped & pigged out, let the buses pass us. (Forgot about Saints) [Phillip was a ‘Saints’ boy, so I suppose I thought he might be on that bus and I could have caught a glimpse… had I not forgotten] Got maths & english marks back I PASSED MATHS!! I had thought without a doubt that I’d have failed but I passed!! 17½/30!! Great! [Great? It’s funny how my attitude towards schoolwork changed when I moved to Cairns High. At my primary school and during my junior High years at Smithfield, barely passing would have crushed me.] And english I thought I failed – but I did better than last semester! 8/10!! Wo! Great day! I think I’m gonna hafta forget Mark I only wish what I see & believe to be was true. I wish. But I’m also extremely curious to see Phillip C too. Fete tomorrow! That will decide!! I think. And Mark will be there too. He doesn’t talk or even look at me anymore. Probably hates my guts. Why, though? Bastard. I love him so much tho [Haha, these mental processes smack of schizophrenia!] 9:55. get some sleep late nite tomorrow. Did no HW again. Terrible bloody habit.

Friday 12/9/86

I’m dead. And kinda depressed. It’s just after 12:00. I saw Phil; Peter came up and was talking. How embarrassing – what could I say or do? I felt sick. [Nerves] (He (Phil) was cute/gorgeous, but it’s made no impact on me. I’m still hopelessly devoted to Mark, who I’m sure doesn’t like me) [I know this reaction is based in Fear: “better the Devil you know” is an extremely apt expression in this case] Oh, I even danced with him (& Fiona & Keith & Justine) but that was it. A pity. I do like him so much. I wore my new blue shirt which I got at lunchtime today (walked to town with Sandie and Monique) & blue & white striped skirt (found out they were the perfect match (in colour) UNBELIEVABLE!!) No HW except english & speech this weekend and I intend to get them done speech exam next Thursday. SHIT. Fete itself was boring – dance was OK. Tired. I feel terrible. I ignored Phil all night & moped around after Mark. Why am I such a loser? [No comment!]

Saturday 13/9/86

Did nothing constructive, except get my periods, today. [LOL and that’s constructive HOW? If anything menstruation is about DEconstruction] I am ashamed [because I didn’t do→]: I have 3 english assignments due this friday a speech theory exam this Thursday, a biology exam this Tuesday and a trial-run speech exam tomorrow. And the best thing I did today was to read up all about star signs.. [best?] otherwise I watched TV or read…. Was extremely depressed this morning, thinking about last night. Y’know how we were all dancing together ..well I think – I’m sure I dreamt that Mark said “Remember this?” to me as True Colours was played. Yes it must have been a dream cos they didn’t play that …or did they? Anyway, I can’t even remember what Phil looks like now, except his blue eyes (gorgeous) Rang Fi tonight – talking about Mark & etc. I think I’ll have to be content with being his friend & working my way up (???) from there. Just watched a movie. Is 11:45. Had a terribly dull day – it was gorgeous weather. Wonder if Mark’s at Lenora’s party??

Sunday 14/9/86

11:06. I just watched Superman III on TV. At speech this morning, Megan, mima & I talked (& laughed) a fair bit so our exams took a bit longer than 2hrs – probably about 2½ or 3. Anyway, I ended up doing it out of my notes.. I didn’t know a thing. (I rode up) at home I watched a little TV, did assignment work, listened to music & read. Petra (& Amanda for a while) came up. I like it when Petra’s here. We talk (I told them all about the night I was with Mark) Brings back memories. I long for another kiss (or 10) like those he gave me that night. Yum!! (Not really romantic tho’) I wonder if I’m a good kisser? Ha Ha god I say some stupid things! [Oh yes. Yes you do.] Anyway another fuitless weekend – only wrote about one paragraph more on one eng. assign. Have 2½ english assignments to do. God help me. Mark won’t be at school tomorrow or Tuesday – Geography excursions.

Two Phone Calls & Chemistry in the Kitchen (1-7 September)

Published on September 1, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 1/9/86

Bad, Bad, Bad, Sad day. People were kinda thrilled about that night etc, kept saying things. [I’m assuming they were happy for me to have hooked up with the guy they all knew I’d been infatuated with for so long.] But my art…and my maths & english and …Mark….. I said “Hi” (he came early to school & mim & Fi & Judy weren’t on the bus) he just looked at me. At art, Fi & I saw them just walk into their room; Steven came out & talked. Mark didn’t. At big lunch he went off with Cameron, when he came back, I went. I was so confused – on the bus, I decided I’d ring Cameron. Yes, I did do it. Results: negative. E: I just want to ask you something about M… Does he still like me? C: Yeah, but he likes Nicole too. E: Oh, I see C: I thought it was pretty terrible what he did E: To me? C: Yeah. He was pretty drunk THAT EXPLAINS IT. WHY HE WAS SO HOSTILE AT FI’S … WHY HE DIDN”T TALK. [Oh is that all you were concerned about?] He doesn’t like me. I’m … SO SAD. But I am not crying… yet

Tuesday 2/9/86

It’s cold. I’m sad. I still cannot accept the fact that he does not like me as he ‘used to’. It’s not fair. I keep hoping; there is hope deep, deep down, but I’m hurting myself more: I’m disappointing myself. He talked to me today; Just a little in Biology… but I’m sure he likes Nicole. Maybe if I just get to be a good friend… what’s the use? Oh, it’s not fair. I like him so much. (Academically it was a good day) – (41/45 for bio test – what we talked briefly about – and 8/10 for my art folio – Both BIG surprises) Oh why…why couldn’t this have happened ages ago when he didn’t know Nicole. Damn it. If we were friends; if we could talk . . . I wish I could click my fingers & he would be flipped over me. [Happy endings aren’t a given in Life, and Magic? Well…keep dreamin’.] Didn’t ride – raining/cold. Speech – had a practise exam then walked to shop with Fi & mim. Ate. (Had no dinner. Have decided to diet) [typical female response to rejection?] 8:35.

Wednesday 3/9/86

I still cannot believe it. But he does like her, at least is ‘deeply’ infatuated; I said to Cameron after chem. today: “Did you tell Mark about the phone call?” C: Yeah Me: What’d he say? C: He didn’t think you liked him that much E: He must be thick, tell him he doesn’t have to pretend to like me or anything like with Trish.. [my assumption] C: He’s on a bit of a high – got a note from Nicole E: What’d it say? C: Just [that he’s] the most beautiful thing on earth etc. E: Oh. (He starts to walk off…) E: Cameron, I still want to be friends, even though I feel differently. And THAT was IT. Judy seems to think he likes me, but is “fascinated” by Nicole: she’s different; younger etc. She’s really nice. Judy, that is. She wants him to wake up cos I’m one of the nicest people… [Oh, sweet Judy. I’d forgotten that I’d had this much interaction with her…] Late for speech… I forgot. We rode today. Overcast. Mark was at swimming. God I wish everything was back to normal… 10:35. Watched the Movie. Oh woe is me. It’s not fair … the one guy – I s’pose not – there will be others. . . . . [this statement is almost uncanny… read on!]

Thursday 4/9/86

I’ve still got Jemima’s swatch. [?] And I’m still depressed. But this afternoon I was more so than ever before. I had english exam (fail- it was so bloody hard) little lunch in 4th & cos of my chem. exam in big lunch, my big lunch in 5th period. And then Biology (I failed chem, too) I didn’t do HW so I’ve got detention tomorrow [for someone who NEVER had detention, I can see how this would have tipped me further into a depressive state]. And that’s just built up, a long with my depression over Mark. I was so withdrawn this afternoon; I even thought Mark was taking more notice of me. Don’t get your hopes up Liss. I could not believe how quiet I was. Talking as little as possible to anyone. Thinking/day dreaming all the time. I am changing. I am not me at the moment. I am sad and pity myself. I enjoy being alone, like this→ usually I enjoy the attention it attracts [the “what’s wrong?”s and “you can talk to me”s], but not anymore. [Smacks more of real depression…] This time, I really want to be left to myself. I am in deep. [LOL Drama Queen] 9:45

Friday 5/9/86

I feel fine when I’m not thinking about it, when he’s not in sight; but (like writing this) I get depressed thinking about it. [I obviously hadn’t yet learnt about the Power of Thought] certain things he does make me think (hope) that he does like me. But I must be pessimistic or I will be hurt more. Let off biology detention [phew]… went to art excursion, came back at beginning of lunch hour. . . other schools came & we sat thru 1½hrs (6th & 7th periods) of “chemistry in the kitchen”. Boring. Tania C & I laughed & mucked around. Got cheerier this arvy. Slow week, this was. Great! Must have fun this saturday – forget everything but first of all – HW & assignments. Must get ’em done. Also feel I want to clean out my desk. . . won’t have time, I bet. Probably won’t even get my eng. done this weekend either [almost being honest with yourself there, Liss!] OH well. Almost 9:30. Sleep & do HW then (??) At least I don’t see them together much, anymore (tho I know they are) That’s great. [Yes: out of sight out of mind]

Saturday 6/9/86

I ate heaps. I watched TV, cleaned out some drawers and listened to music. And I also did not one scrap of HW. Although all I have is maths, english & speech, I have heaps of each (esp. eng & maths) And I have to go to Dad’s for at least a little while in the morning for Father’s Day. Tania came over this arvy . . . we rushed, but Fi & I got to the movies around 7:15; Tania was later. Saw “D.A.R.Y.L.” (what we did get to see) and “About Last Night” great movies. Anyway Mima & Steven & Polly & Anna & Sally & Danae were there too. Fi & I caught a taxi home (I had to pay – Fi had $1 left) Oh well. Now how’s that? Wonder what Mark & Nicole did tonight. No I don’t. I Don’t care. I don’t care. I’m tired. It’s 11:45. I want to get some sleep – don’t want to think about depressing things. Why do fools fall in LOVE?????

Sunday 7/9/86

I am ashamed. I did no HW, whatsoever at all this weekend. That is terrible. Planted & gardened a bit with mum (Julia stayed at dad’s last night) we went to dad’s around 10:00 I think, but before we left – just before we left – the phone rang. Mum said “Its’ for you” I said “Sharon” she said “no, a male”. No, it was not Mark. It was Peter H. Ha Ha. Anyway he said his friend Phillip C thinks I’m cute & has for a long time – saw me at movies last night, at the chemistry lecture & at Trobruk Pool (last wednesday, I deduced it was) And he said “do you want to meet him?” No. let it be. I’ll just wait and see. [I was – and still am – totally averse to set-ups or blind dates. Anything contrived puts me right off. One of the (many) reasons internet dating is not for me.] (At Dad’s watched Weird Science on video & went to see the house he bought – could be nice with doing-up) Rang mima around 2:00, asked her about him. She reckons he’s cute – really tall (brown skin) was sitting with Rodney T at the chem. lecture & I didn’t see him. SHIT. Oh well – prob. is I still love Mark. Watched Romancing the Stone on TV tonite Great! Is almost 11:00. School work is YUK.

A Failed Exam, a Grease Preview & THE Photo Again (11-17 August)

Published on August 11, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 11/8/86

Today was a better day than I thought it would be. See, Mark was away… but in double chemistry (everyone else, it seems, was too – on the musical camp) Mr Lavers was away so I wrote a 12 page letter to Lucy all about Mark!! Then, thru triple art & little lunch, we watched a video – had to do sketches from it. But BIG LUNCH was the BEST PART!! We went in the dark room and soon Mr Short came. He developed (at my request) 2 photos of Mark & me from the dance!!!! The photography was excellent (not bad of me – excellent of Mark, tho!! Except looks as if he is holding his breath & struggling to keep from smiling) [Apparently he was partway through an exhalation, lips pursed and cheeks inflated…kinda like a puffer fish?! Sorry to disappoint: I felt obliged to edit him out of the photo out of respect for his privacy.] I cannot stop looking at it!! I’m really happy!! So now those who know of it are, Sandie, Moni, Donna, Sharon, Mima fi Polly & Judy & of course, Mr Short (Mark & his friends would, too, but they won’t see it!!!) Went to speech this arvy for final tips on work etc. Is 9:20. Gonna stare at the photo so[me] more. [Now that sounds ‘creepy’…]

Tuesday 12/8/86

My speech exam was… average. Probably a “B”, I think. My reading was good, my poem was good, my talk was stuffed and my news report was fair. We had to wait ages (she was running at least 40 minutes behind!!) Mima came round. We spent the morning typing out our work and practising. After lunch we left, riding on our bikes. Got there and changed in the loos [‘loos’ are toilets/bathrooms for those who aren’t familiar with this Australian slang]. Then worked up our nerves for ages. After, we laughed about it – the conversations we’d had were bloody hilarious!! Rode to sly cones [an ice creamery] (did not pass the school) then into town. Rode home – stopped at the Aeroglen park & laughed & sang. Rode on home slowly. Hot day today – couldn’t believe it!!! It’s 8:45 – earlyish night. Exams are over!! CAN’T WAIT for school tomorrow!! See Mark in the flesh. I am still drooling over the photos!! Julia took one to school [she was still attending Smithfield High at this stage]. Most thought he was O.K. Amanda said YUK. 2 girls she barely knew said yum & about me: is that your sister? God she’s beautiful, so pretty etc Can you believe it? [Perhaps you weren’t as plain as you thought, Liss?]

Wednesday 13/8/86

Ha! I knew something’d go wrong today. It was for the best, though. (I suppose). I did take the photo to show Monique (Mark was away yesterday too; not at baseball; he’s in the play – a dancer (was on the camp) Monique said he’s good, too!) Anyway she said this girl (Joannah C’s cousin) in Yr 9 was flirting with him. That made me depressed. But mima told him about the photo. He badly wanted to see it. I said no..way. Cameron asked Sharon She said no, then he actually said to me. I said no. But before Fi & I left for the Trobuk Pools, I gave it to mime & said don’t let anyone else see it. Boring at the Pools. Wanted to rush back & see Mark (why, god knows) Tonight on the phone, mima said Steven, Brent, Cameron & Megan also saw it. They all said it was a good photo. Mark didn’t say much (about me – not that she told me) but he asked her if I still liked him. Mima said, I’m not going to say anything. He is rather worried or is he? Speech on my own. It’s 10:30

Thursday 14/8/86

I think I’ve stuffed my chances now. I was going to make him ‘grovel’ or at least, worry a bit about whether I liked him or not… I don’t know what’ll happen now. In 6th period, biology, I put across the feeling of disappointment, depression cos I thought he was avoiding me. Anyway at the end, before we all left the room, Chris K was talking about Sandie and I said (a bit too loud I think) “So what’s it like to be in love?” If Mark heard that he probably would’ve assumed I didn’t like him. Tricia, in 7th p. art., was crying too.. what about? I think it was most likely about Mark cos after school, he & her sat on opposite bike racks and at one stage, he walked away to Terry & Raymond etc. I watched him talking. What about? Then he came back. Is it all over between them? I hope Cameron says something to me in Chem tomorrow 10:05. Went late night tonight. Then to see mum’s cousin up from Sydney. His 3 kids are nice the 7 yr old boy isn’t. Failed Chemistry exam & mima is having so much trouble with Brent.

Friday 15/8/86

*Cameron said nothing. In fact, he’s a big snob now, won’t even sit next to me, let alone talk to me. I failed chem 13/30, but the great thing is I only failed by 2 marks! [This is a radically different reaction to that I would have had only a year earlier. Exam failure would have gutted me. At least at this point I have found the positive in a negative!] Mark is avoiding me… I’m sure. Today, we walked to the City Place; Grease was being acted out as a “preview”. was great! (Went in lunchtime) got back ½ way thru’ period 6. No one in art noticed I was late. Fi also told me today how Mark & Tricia kiss goodbye in the “arvies”. I really wanted to see them do it [really? are you a masochist?] but we were held up after by talking etc. By the time we got there, Tricia’s bus was there. AND Mark was talking to Nicole C; yes, the same one who was flirting with him on the camp. BITCH. Anyway, At home I rang Lucy all arvy & got ready. Finally got on to Jane [her sister] said she’d be in on the 8:30 plane. POOP!! Fi came around 6:45→ we walked round town. picked up mima & she changed then we spent all the time at Licks cafe [an ice creamery] in Mellick Centre where Jay works. Didn’t go to pancake house at all. Met Justine & Beka. Stayed there till about 9:30… went walking… finally found Lucy..

Saturday 16/8/86

Last nite, we caught a taxi home. Justine, Fi & I stayed at mima’s. Watched View to a Kill on video. Bed at 1:15 – woke 7:15 this morning. After small brekky, Justine & I walked to my place I changed and mima rode in …we rode together into town – mima to get her hair permed – me to work – (saw Heath. & Marge.) Justine’s dad took her home. Worked 4hrs 15 mins. Mima’s hair looks absolutely terrificly fantastic!! (Giles & Andrew D. were working – I immediately thought of what Mark said on the phone that night “we talked about you at Mackay”) We rode, picked Fi up from the newsagency & went to mima’s (mum wasn’t home) Watched music videos and bombed out – rested. Went home around 5:15. Petra’s staying over. Talking a lot about Mark… mima said he also thought I was taller than him she said “as if she’d crouch down for a photo!” Also, she told me exactly what he said that day (I can’t remember, but it was bad. He really thinks I hate him. I’m so depressed – so depressed that I didn’t go to the party tonight. Betcha he was there. 10:55

Sunday 17/8/86

I did nothing today. It was a BIG waste of time. Watched a little TV, drew and looked at photo albums and, of course, I ate. I had maths, english & speech HW to do, too. SHIT, huh? Oh well; It’s 9:00. I’m listening to Take 40 Australia. Will finish at 10:00. Hopefully I’ll get to sleep quickly Been thinking about Mark a lot too. Am really depressed. Why has all this happened? I’ve lost faith in him. (I can’t trust him) but I still want him badly. I’m also very frightened- frightened that if I went out with him & fell totally head over heels in love with him (like mima is with Brent) that what happened to mima & brent would happen to us, except that mark wouldn’t like me. Asking Petra today, before she left, to keep her eye on him & Nicole C at rehearsals today. She also thinks he’s a fantastic dancer & got a cute bum.

Bugs, Broken Bones, Bitching & the Commonwealth Games (21-27 July)

Published on July 21, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 21/7/86

Oh! It’s (almost) 9:15 and I’ve just done about ¾ page of my english assignment. I must get a move on (it’s obvious I won’t get it done for tomorrow, even though it was due today.) We’re riding tomorrow, too!! Goody! I love riding. Boring day, really. Almost fell asleep in doub. chem. almost fell asleep in trip. art and almost fell asleep in maths (Nah! I was laughing in maths) Cameron’s so nice. I’m really, really truly glad he is my great friend. Did no other HW tonight (am getting way behind in maths; I just don’t understand it.) Lotsa bugs around [we didn’t have flyscreens on our windows or doors: louvres are hard to fit and french doors lose their charm if you try to fix screen doors to them. Plus, we probably couldn’t afford them] and … it’s quite warm tonight (hold it, I’ll open some windows, I think!!) Believe it or not Trish said hello to me today. Why she being so nice?? [why not?] mima was away – got a wog. [While in Australian slang the word ‘wog’ is a derogatory term for generally southern Europeans, it is also used to describe illness, like she got a ‘bug’] don’t really feel like saying I love mark cos do I??

Tuesday 22/7/86

I laughed a lot today. In Bio, Chris (K) was telling Donna & I all about Cameron’s accidents… he is so accident-prone! Broken bones, cuts & abrasions… car accidents you name it; he’s had it!! And laughing in maths, too!! Funneeee!! I really don’t think I love Mark. I look at him (when I can) but I think that’s all it is – I just think he’s gorgeous. I mean, I don’t feel for him I suppose my feelings could change if ‘something’ happened (when?) I could get properly interested in him, but at the moment, I’m not. Brent was teasing me about it in front of a whole lot of people at lunch time today. Did little HW today but I’m stayin home tomorrow!! Sports Carnival is on (mima & fi are too) I’ve got heaps HW to do → esp. speech. mima told me this morning when we were riding to school that our speech exam has been put forward. We now have 3 weeks to go. SHIT!!

Wednesday 23/7/86

Boy am I tired!! “Mistral’s daughter” finished about 11:30 I slept in though! (I stayed home!!) At speech, mima said she’d tried to ring me but the answering machine was on. I was home, too. Oh well!! (I am very far behind in speech. Didn’t get any done today – I was doing my english. Come to think of it, I got very little of that done too!! – But I did a lot more tonight.) I still have maths to catch up on. Oh woe is me. wedding (Royal one) [Prince Andrew getting hitched to Sarah Ferguson] was on. Watched parts of it while I did my english. Am bloody tired. Could not get my eyes open all this morning!! Took me about 3 or 4 hours to wake up!! Bloody bugs all over the place. Is 11:15. Another late night (SHIT)

Thursday 24/7/86

I’ve come to a definite conclusion. I don’t ‘like’ Mark anymore. Sure, he’s still the most gorgeous hunk, but I don’t really care what happens to him. I mean, he could have made an attempt (he has in the past) but he’s too shy (I’m really one to speak, huh??!!) To begin with, if he likes me so much, why fuck Tricia? [1. He’s attracted to her] And even if he did go with her after it to make her feel ‘respectable’, why has it been 2 weeks? Why didn’t he drop her after 1?? [Clearly it’s not just ‘obligation’] He’s stupid. Does he really think I’d like him after he did that? What a dickhead. [Oh the Green Monster.. it’s ugly isn’t it?] Anyway, I got my assignment (english) done but didn’t hand it in. Will tomorrow. Bio exam tomorrow, 1st period. Cheat!!! [Cheat? That’s not like me!] Is 9:40. Will I get to sleep early tonite??? Rode again today. I love it!!

Friday 25/7/86

I am so tired (watching Commonwealth Games at the moment) Ate a big dinner. Err…!!! In Biol, (we didn’t have our exam as Mr Short was away) our relief teacher gave us all these logic (etc) problems. Was fun. At the end we were doing anagrams, & I got one right, and Duane (Dwain!!) said something to embarrass me (it worked) – (all the guys were sitting near, too!) Donna reckons “guess who was looking at you and smiling?” I said, “I don’t care”, but I had the biggest smile on my face!! Otherwise, a boring day. Nothing fantastic happened at all. The news is on now. I think I’ll go to bed now. I am tired. Not working tomorrow. Don’t feel like it. Lucy’s birthday in 4 days. What’ll I do for her?? Ring her?? Or send something?? I wish, wish, wish Mark cared about me so much that… that he wouldn’t hurt me so. [haha, so fickle! Thought you didn’t care?!] 9:35

Saturday 26/7/86

I did very little of everything today; except eat. I pigged out so ‘severely’! And I wonder why I’m fat (or at least, bulgy) Oh well! Watched TV, did bitta HW (have left maths & english for tomorrow) Am tired – Is 10:10 Comm. Wealth Games are on (Australia leading in medal tally so far!! 6 gold!!! Yay!!!) Dunno if I’ll go to bed yet, or not… I’m tired but I can sleep in (or can I?? I didn’t this morning) Wish things were like they were before. Before I found out Mark liked me; before Sharon knew I liked him. Now, it’s useless. We both know & are both too shy. It’s not fair. Not fair. Oh well…. life MUST go on. 10:20 now. Oh. (winge, whine) why does Mark have to be such a jerk?????????????? [Oh my GOD… never satisfied!]

Sunday 27/7/86

Ha Ha Ha. What a bludge. Yes, you guessed it; I did next to nothing constructive except PIG OUT yet again. I can’t believe how much I eat. Went to visit Nana again (we went Friday night, too→ she’s in hospital again – she stopped taking all her tablets cos they were making her sick and got a bad [rheumatoid] arthritis attack again. Poor nin) [‘Nin’ was a nickname we had for our Nana] Boring! Watched Comm. Games ‘Hi lives’ again this morning & are watching live now. Aust has won 5/10 possible golds in swimming so far. Excellent huh?!!! Want a reasonably early night. Is 9:30 now. Probly get to bed around 10:00. Am a bit hot, too. Did only a bit of maths HW today. Thank god for school!! (Started to worry today, again, about my future after school→ it really frightens me. About Mark; well, I just wish it could be different. It won’t work.

Creativity Block & the Loss of a Sibling (2-8 June)

Published on June 2, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 2/6/86

And BIOLOGY? Well…. I don’t think so at all. The Questions were totally alien to me. I attempted all except 5. (parts of Q’s) Ha! Whadda flop. And I wasted this afternoon too. Caught the 12:00 bus & went to Jemima’s where I watched videos. Bludge waste. SHIT I am stupid. [No, just one helluva Procrastinator] And I’ve got my damn maths I [that’s Maths “1”] exam the day after tomorrow. Holy Hell. I am so tired. Will be absolutely ELATED when my exams are over (saw Mark today – 1st time in 3 days) Got a letter from Lucy (again) She must be really excited – I’ve received so many lately!! God I hate exams. 5 to 10 another late night. I’m gonna flop. OH SHIT. Caught the town bus in later this morning. Wonder if the others are gonna do it again tomorrow?? My art hasn’t been done yet either & I won’t get it done either Poop Damn Shit. I’m all fucked up.

Tuesday 3/6/86

English was fairly good, as was art but my biology prac. exam … Ha Ha Ha What a laugh (actually it’s not really) I am so stupid. I must have no brains. This will teach me. [Really? You really think so?] Next time I will (must) be prepared. Did a bit of maths tonight but I had to stop – I can’t believe how dumb I am. I can barely do any of it. [Comprehension issues. Can’t recall whether we were into Trigonometry at this stage or not. I didn’t mind Algebra so much but Trig …nuh. Never got it.] Stuffed. Boy will I be glad when tomorrow is over with. But then there’s the last week: getting my marks back. OH NO! (I’m thinking of working on Thursday & Friday as well as Saturday – I want to buy a new shirt or something for the dance next wednesday) Also that art problem is due Friday!! I was so worried→ everyone else had done theirs – I hadn’t. 9:37. Am gone wake earlier than the birds and work like hell.

Wednesday 4/6/86

NO MORE EXAMS! was all I could think about after my maths exam. Who gives a hoot if I failed? Most people did too so Ha! Went to mima’s again after – watched a movie, then went to the shop before speech. Pity. I won’t see Mark for a long time now – 5 days: and then after those 4 school days, for another fortnight or so. BOO HOO. Stuffed maths something severe. But everyone I asked (except Brent) left at least (Cameron McK) 5 Q’s blank – I left about 15 I think Ha Ha SHIT. Oh I’ll miss Mark. Just finished watching Lace II was pretty good! Still, I think I preferred Lace I. Is 10:30 and I can sleep in tomorrow YAY!!

Thursday 5/6/86

Well. Today was a bit of a big waste of time. I woke around 7:15, got a letter from Lucy, replied it & mum sent that. I spent the whole day at home. S’posed to do my art. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested; I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t know what to do at all. [Equivalent to Writer’s Block… is there a phrase for Artists’ lack of inspiration?] And I ate a lot. But I didn’t watch any TV till about 5:30. In fact I was quite bloody board. And amazingly enough, I thought about Mark one hell of a lot today more than I have before. Also read up on his starsign again. Still think we’d be a great pair→ but there are a few disagreeable things→ e.g. he’s s’posed to be STUBBORN. 9:41. And I feel an idiot. Can’t wait till this boring weekend finishes. [5days]

Friday 6/6/86

EAT. That’s practically all I did today too. Didn’t get my art in either. SHIT. Hafta see if she’ll take it on Tuesday. I had started at around 1:30 finally on a good copy (and it looks good so far) but when mum came at 2:30 to take me to school (to hand it in) I had not done anymore on it coz I was stuck. Now I still don’t know what to do. Poop. Anyway. I ate heaps in fact I’m totally disgusted with myself. Also Mark (& Cameron) would’ve left today for baseball in Mackay. Good LUCK! Not one day goes by when I don’t think of Mark. [It’s kind of interesting how all this stuff makes me vomit just a little in my mouth now. It’s not that I’m “hard as nails” now but I’m sure I’m not as ‘soggy’ as I was then.] 11:05. I am tired – movie was funny (kind of) Didn’t watch any TV again tho’ in the day. raining & windy still. I don’t mind→ at least it’s cold!!

Saturday 7/6/86

Boy am I tired. Went out tonight→ to Pizza Hut for tea, then to see “Crocodile Dundee” which, by the way, happens to be the best, funniest most entertaining movie out. I laughed my guts out!! Anyway we got home at 9:30 (early showing – no support movie or shorts) Is now 10:27 and I am stuffed. Today I ate again. Don’t know what’s come over me. Usually I have a ‘fair’ appetite but now I’m “glutton-ish”; eat everything in sight (practically) But I’m so tired. Went to town this morning. Julia spent her birthday money new shoes, beautiful knit jumper & small accessories. Lucky devil. I’d love to have spent $100 there (Sportsgirl) this morning. Pooped! Nite!

Sunday 8/6/86

I woke at 5:00 to mum’s cries of help. The light was on and in the laundry blood covered the floor. Mum was on the toilet. She was MISCARRYING. That was 5:00. By 7:00, she (had finally decided to go to hospital cos she was feeling weak) was in hospital. [Oh my god, the way that’s written it sounds as if she might have driven herself? No mention of an ambulance nor of someone else (Geoff?) taking her… and I can’t remember either. Driving herself would’ve been a huge risk if she was so weak. But mum being as independent as she was, nothing would surprise me.] Julia & I stayed home tidied up the remaining ‘mess’ fixed the house then amused ourselves till about 1:30, when Geoff came & took us to the hospital. Mum looks weak & ill, but she said she was fine but absolutely STARVED. (she was on a drip.) And she had to stay tonight because one surgeon in the whole hospital was there & so didn’t do it today. That’s pathetic. In a hospital that size there should be more than 1 surgeon. Geoff’s staying over (Had fish’n chips for tea) to mind us. Been one heck of a busy day. Only got 6hrs last nite. Lemme sleep now!! 8:35

Desk Dramas & Study Stress (26 May-1 June)

Published on May 26, 2014 by Elissa CoxenLeave a comment

Monday 26/5/86

My room’s such mess→ my new desk is still outside!! All my junk’s on the floor. Didn’t finish english essay. Did a bit of maths & a fair bit of chemistry→ can’t understand it.. Anyway, this Wednesday will be a good one: don’t do recreation! We’re gonna go and watch the soccer guys (Mark!♥) play their final. Great! Ate alot this arvy. Fi has a stye (on her eye, y’know). Bus was so full this arvy. Didn’t get a seat! (Till this girl got off on Sheridan Street) so I didn’t stand for long. 9:36. Am tired. Dunno if we’re riding or not (raining today) Could keep up all night. Talk to Cameron a lot lately. Today on way to school bus, in Chem & Maths & off the bus. Julia’s birthday in 4 days. What’ll I get her?

Tuesday 27/5/86

Piss day. Am not talking to mum & Julia. They’re bitches. Got the new desk into my room and is Fucken too big. I told her & she got all worked up. Then [she] tried to fix around everything makin the biggest fuckin mess you’ve ever seen, then cos I got aggro (wouldn’t you? [hmmm]) she left it for me to clean up. Fuckin mole. And Julia pokin her nose in Bitch – dumb bitch. Now she’s got it. Fuckin shit. Fuckin Fits in her fuckin room. I’ve got a fuckin mess in my room, nowhere to put all my junk. Fuckin stupid bitches. HATE THEM. [The bold typeface represents how hard I’d written these words in my diary: scrawled in anger.] Looking at Mark this morning & he looked at me. Skint. Yum Yum 9:15 HATE HER [Wow, big tanty, huge rant! I recently read somewhere that if you’re kids don’t say they hate you at least once, it means you’re not a good parent. This rant shows just how fantastic my mum was ♥ …or my wicked temper…]

Wednesday 28/5/86

Pregnant. 6 weeks. To Geoff. She told me yesterday. [oooookaaaay. That wouldn’t’ve gone down well. I wasn’t keen on mum’s boyfriend and a half-sibling would’ve further cemented his presence in our lives.] Kept up my “not talking” right up until she left for National Trust meeting. She asked about the calculator. [?] Now I talk a little, but am not affectionate. Speech was funny. Jemima really can’t wait to do it with Brent! They love each other a lot tho’ so I think it’s right. Didn’t watch soccer today. Pity – didn’t get to see Mark. Watched basketball instead. Dwain’s pretty kinda cute in his own way. Game was exciting. Did English assignment (really crappy) and started writing back to Lucy (got a letter from her today) Hafta finish soon. 11:00 now Still didn’t start study for Chem. That’s disgusting. Must

Thursday 29/5/86

Studying chemistry. I’ve done Ch 1, 2 & almost ½ of 3, so I’ve 4, 5 & 9 left and then I’ve gotta start doing practise questions or I’ll fail for sure. there’s so much I have to do and I’m just not going to get it done. Boy will I be glad when this one’s over!! Boring day. Really hard to tell whether Mark likes you or not. Some days you’ll think you’re in, others it looks like he’ll turn around and bite your head off. I don’t care, tho. I like him just the same! Finished my letter to Lucy at school→ worried someone would read it… did write more about Mark in it too. Also fi & mima said Hi. What’ll I do? I can’t fail chemistry. It’s so damned important to my TE score. [This refers to ‘Tertiary Entrance’ score; the rating used to determine the types of studies you would be eligible to apply for at universities. In the early 1990’s the ranking system was revised and the important ‘number’ became the ‘OP’, meaning ‘Overall Position’] Oh well.. 10:16. Am probably the only one awake in the house!

Friday 30/5/86

OH no. Oh yes! I’m sure I’ve failed. Piss. Was nowhere near finishing unit 3 revision (term 1) when mima rang. Mum came home just at the right time to give me a lift up there. I studied a little – Jemima and Fiona weren’t – they’d finished last night, so I couldn’t really concentrate. [Of course not!] Mrs D took us in at 11:30. Got a bit worked up when we got there, but actually in the exam, about 10 mins in, I relaxed a bit. When I think of it I think it was all right, but thinking more, I remember some of the troubles I had. Damn. Anyhow, that’s over with. Have 2 bio exams, art, maths and english to study for now. Oh dear! 11:00 – just moved desk back into my room, fixed up temporarily my stuff & threw out a lot of things (crap)

Saturday 31/5/86

Did no study at all today. Julia [it’s her birthday] got money, brekky in bed, a casket ticket, record, jewellery, voucher and other little things (including glass beads & safety pins → I got 4 no! 5 more friendship pins today!!) I tidied top all my drawers (my old school books & Dolly magazines & my drawers in my desk) And decorated Julia’s cake. And that was it. [Brilliant procrastination!] I could kick myself. I have to do Bio & Maths first tomorrow, then English & Art, then Bio & Maths again, if time allows & hopefully more art & english (doubt it) Cold weather – rainy, windy but I love it. Went out this morning too, to various places. Is 12:12 Went to Coles but didn’t see Mark→ did see the cute guy who helped me pick up the oranges, tho!! Am tired. ‘Moonraker‘ was just on TV James Bond 007

Sunday 1/6/86

I bludged today. But I got all my relevant biology notes done. I’m a little worried about english & more so for maths, but, I’ll wake early tomorrow and see what I can do. I’ll go home after biology exam & do english quotes & revision. Then write out my maths ‘theory’ and later in the night revise art. Before school I’ll read over my english notes, then at lunch I’ll read over art. [LOVE the planning. I still do this…but never manage to get it done as planned.] Should be right! (??I hope) Cheri M Petra & Amanda and Robyn B came around today [all my sister’s friends] (Petra & Cheri for the longest) Cheri’s nice – funny! Still really wet weather. little sun at all→ almost totally continuous rain today. 9:00 now. Am not gonna shave underarms or legs → gonna grow them, then get em waxed!